LOST
by Michael Segekihei
A/N: This was originally going to be a Sci-Fi/Comedy fic, but it evolved into a take-off of NBC's failed reality series LOST. You'll get the idea.
-----=====~~~~~=====-----
(Silence. It's late night. Seattle, Washington. Nintendo of America is in view. NOA houses hundreds of video game characters in their offtime while they are not filming. Cut to one individual room. Inside, decorated with posters of his past games, Kirby sleeps soundly in his round bed. He stirs a bit, but goes motionless. Cut to another room, decorated in posters of Peach. Yes, Mar--Marth?)
Marth: (subconsiously) Shut up.
(...all righty...I guess. Cut to a different room, decorated in pictures of Marth, Roy's room. That may have surprised you...if you lived under a rock.)
Roy: (subconsiously blushing)
(Maybe we should stop before we get to Zelda's room...she's decorated it in pictures of Link, and that much green could overload the mind.)
Zelda: (subconsiously) Green is nice, shut up.
(I'm not making many friends today, eh? Anyway, cut to outside where a small streak of light...streaks across the sky.)
Streak: (streaking)
Censor: (covers up censorables on Streak)
Streak: Hey!
(We gotta stay PG-13, eh? Heh heh...anyhoo, someone is making way towards the door. The shadowy sillouette reaches into his/her pocket...)
Shadowy Sillouette: I'm a he! He!
(Okay, he. He reaches in his pocket and pulls something out. He attaches it to the door and calmly moves back a few feet. A small red blink causes the door to open. He removes the device and calmly walks in. He looks into his pocket and pulls out a leaflet, apparently a map to NOA HQ. He walks to the elevator and moves up a few floors. The door opens and he moves out into the hall. He checks the leaflet, nods to himself, and makes a note of the door numbers as he takes out twenty-six individual devices similar to the one he used to get inside. He walks down the hall and attaches four devices to four different doors. He then moves up the stairs and attaches five more. He continues moving up floors, attaching devices all the way, until he is left with one. He sticks it to the final door and pulls out one last device, much larger and with a red light already showing. He smiles and presses a button on it. A small blue light appears in the air in front of him. It starts to open larger and larger until it can fit the mystery man. He walks through it and the rift in the space-time continuum closes behind him.)
Shadowy Sillouette: (silently, to himself) Operation complete. Report to base. D over and out.
(Cut to Kirby's room. The room glows blue. Cut to Marth's room. The room glows blue. Cut to Roy's room. The room--you got it, glows blue. Cut to Zelda's room, already glowing blue to cover up some of the green. Cut to Kirby's room, where the blue glow turns into a blue flash and then back to normal. Cutting to their individual rooms, we see the same happening in the rooms aforementioned. Fade to black.)
(Boston, Massachusetts. An undisclosed location. The Shadowy Sillouette walks in. He is met by two people, both about 5'3, male, in their teens.)
Person 1: I assume you completed it, Auron?
Auron (the Shadowy Sillouette): I wouldn't be here if it didn't work, would I, Stapp?
Stapp: Yes, yes, good point. Walunas, is everything arranged?
Walunas (Person 2): Yes, the transfer is complete. They all are in their respective locations. Everything is set.
Stapp: Good. Contact Segekihei. We're ready to begin.
Segekihei: (walking out in PJs and nightcap) I'm already here...
Auron: Good! I set everything--
Segekihei: I heard, I heard...you know guys, the least you can do is wait for dawn in Massachusetts before we do things over there...we'd still have a three hour bumper!
Auron: Yes, well, we were anxious, and busy.
Stapp: Right. So we decided to finish up the day earlier than expected.
Segekihei: Whatever...(yaaawn) Someone get me some coffee, then throw it out and get me tea. I hate coffee. Milk, three lumps, extra caffeine, and do it fast, dammit, I'm falling asleep...again...must...get........aw...awak....awaaaaaake...(collapses, snoring)
Employee: (wheels out an IV with a teabag hanging out the side and sticks the needle into Segekihei's arm)
Segekihei: (jumps up, knocking over employee) WOWthatreallyhelped. (notices the employee on the ground) OH! I'm...ah...ohyes! sorryletmegetthatforyouherehavearaiseandamonthpaidvacationjustgetthehellouttaherefast! (calms down) Hello!
Employee: Whoo! (runs away)
Auron, Stapp, Walunas: oO
Walunas: Whatever you say...anyway, Auron, did you drop off the cameramen too?
Stapp: Didn't you get the memo? We fired them and set up a Big Brother-esque system 'round the world. This way, for future series, we can simply use that instead of hiring the cameramen. It'll pay for itself after...(takes a few calculations, pauses, and then to Auron) Go tell our accountant he's fired.
Auron: Ooh, I love firing! (runs off)
Walunas: All right, we're starting when they wake up.
(Long, uncomfortable pause.)
Stapp: Screw it. Blast the air horns. M.STV doesn't wait for anything. Let's blow their eardrums.
(Cut to a big split screen of twenty-six rooms, with a loud airhorn blasting in all the rooms. Twenty-five people wake up...and Kirby keeps sleeping. Cut back to M.STV HQ.)
Stapp: Fire the kicking mechanism!
(Back to the split screen. Kirby's screen enlarges a bit and we see a boot come down and kick Kirby. He jumps up. Cut to M.STV.)
The Four: (approach the microphone)
(Back to the split screen. Individual shots of the smashers are shown while the four talk.)
Stapp: 'Lo, Smashers.
Segekihei: Hope you had a nice sleep--for it ends now.
Walunas: You fell asleep in Nintendo of America in Seattle, Washington, USA. You have woken up in another place. Where? We can't tell you...
Auron: ...you must find out. Right now, the twenty-five other smashers are in other places around the world. Your objective is to make it back to Nintendo of America, Seattle, Washington, United States of America first. The first person to make it back to their room will win ¥200,000,000. However, it won't be easy. You'll have to make it on your own using whatever skills you've attained in the world.
Stapp: Like Adventure mode, except with lots of money on the line!
Segekihei: So good luck...
Walunas: ...you'll need it!
(The speakers go dead and everyone rushes outside...to see they're still in a hallway. They all sigh relief and go back to bed, wondering what the hell that was about. Meanwhile, the M.STV crew is snickering at their genius.)
M.STV crew: (snicker snicker snicker)
Segekihei: They don't know that the hallway transported too! Hee! They're gonna get so confused! I'm looking forwards to seeing them step outside and realize that they're in Tokyo! Hee hee hee...
Auron: Tokyo? I thought you said Toledo.
(Kirby steps outside and finds himself in Ohio.)
M.STV crew: (facefault)
Stapp: Eh, close enough. They don't know where they are, and they still have to go a ways...
Walunas: It'll work.
Segekihei: Now, we watch...
-----=====~~~~~=====-----
Like it? Love it? Want to send me absurdly large amounts of money for little to no reason? Review!
by Michael Segekihei
A/N: This was originally going to be a Sci-Fi/Comedy fic, but it evolved into a take-off of NBC's failed reality series LOST. You'll get the idea.
-----=====~~~~~=====-----
(Silence. It's late night. Seattle, Washington. Nintendo of America is in view. NOA houses hundreds of video game characters in their offtime while they are not filming. Cut to one individual room. Inside, decorated with posters of his past games, Kirby sleeps soundly in his round bed. He stirs a bit, but goes motionless. Cut to another room, decorated in posters of Peach. Yes, Mar--Marth?)
Marth: (subconsiously) Shut up.
(...all righty...I guess. Cut to a different room, decorated in pictures of Marth, Roy's room. That may have surprised you...if you lived under a rock.)
Roy: (subconsiously blushing)
(Maybe we should stop before we get to Zelda's room...she's decorated it in pictures of Link, and that much green could overload the mind.)
Zelda: (subconsiously) Green is nice, shut up.
(I'm not making many friends today, eh? Anyway, cut to outside where a small streak of light...streaks across the sky.)
Streak: (streaking)
Censor: (covers up censorables on Streak)
Streak: Hey!
(We gotta stay PG-13, eh? Heh heh...anyhoo, someone is making way towards the door. The shadowy sillouette reaches into his/her pocket...)
Shadowy Sillouette: I'm a he! He!
(Okay, he. He reaches in his pocket and pulls something out. He attaches it to the door and calmly moves back a few feet. A small red blink causes the door to open. He removes the device and calmly walks in. He looks into his pocket and pulls out a leaflet, apparently a map to NOA HQ. He walks to the elevator and moves up a few floors. The door opens and he moves out into the hall. He checks the leaflet, nods to himself, and makes a note of the door numbers as he takes out twenty-six individual devices similar to the one he used to get inside. He walks down the hall and attaches four devices to four different doors. He then moves up the stairs and attaches five more. He continues moving up floors, attaching devices all the way, until he is left with one. He sticks it to the final door and pulls out one last device, much larger and with a red light already showing. He smiles and presses a button on it. A small blue light appears in the air in front of him. It starts to open larger and larger until it can fit the mystery man. He walks through it and the rift in the space-time continuum closes behind him.)
Shadowy Sillouette: (silently, to himself) Operation complete. Report to base. D over and out.
(Cut to Kirby's room. The room glows blue. Cut to Marth's room. The room glows blue. Cut to Roy's room. The room--you got it, glows blue. Cut to Zelda's room, already glowing blue to cover up some of the green. Cut to Kirby's room, where the blue glow turns into a blue flash and then back to normal. Cutting to their individual rooms, we see the same happening in the rooms aforementioned. Fade to black.)
(Boston, Massachusetts. An undisclosed location. The Shadowy Sillouette walks in. He is met by two people, both about 5'3, male, in their teens.)
Person 1: I assume you completed it, Auron?
Auron (the Shadowy Sillouette): I wouldn't be here if it didn't work, would I, Stapp?
Stapp: Yes, yes, good point. Walunas, is everything arranged?
Walunas (Person 2): Yes, the transfer is complete. They all are in their respective locations. Everything is set.
Stapp: Good. Contact Segekihei. We're ready to begin.
Segekihei: (walking out in PJs and nightcap) I'm already here...
Auron: Good! I set everything--
Segekihei: I heard, I heard...you know guys, the least you can do is wait for dawn in Massachusetts before we do things over there...we'd still have a three hour bumper!
Auron: Yes, well, we were anxious, and busy.
Stapp: Right. So we decided to finish up the day earlier than expected.
Segekihei: Whatever...(yaaawn) Someone get me some coffee, then throw it out and get me tea. I hate coffee. Milk, three lumps, extra caffeine, and do it fast, dammit, I'm falling asleep...again...must...get........aw...awak....awaaaaaake...(collapses, snoring)
Employee: (wheels out an IV with a teabag hanging out the side and sticks the needle into Segekihei's arm)
Segekihei: (jumps up, knocking over employee) WOWthatreallyhelped. (notices the employee on the ground) OH! I'm...ah...ohyes! sorryletmegetthatforyouherehavearaiseandamonthpaidvacationjustgetthehellouttaherefast! (calms down) Hello!
Employee: Whoo! (runs away)
Auron, Stapp, Walunas: oO
Walunas: Whatever you say...anyway, Auron, did you drop off the cameramen too?
Stapp: Didn't you get the memo? We fired them and set up a Big Brother-esque system 'round the world. This way, for future series, we can simply use that instead of hiring the cameramen. It'll pay for itself after...(takes a few calculations, pauses, and then to Auron) Go tell our accountant he's fired.
Auron: Ooh, I love firing! (runs off)
Walunas: All right, we're starting when they wake up.
(Long, uncomfortable pause.)
Stapp: Screw it. Blast the air horns. M.STV doesn't wait for anything. Let's blow their eardrums.
(Cut to a big split screen of twenty-six rooms, with a loud airhorn blasting in all the rooms. Twenty-five people wake up...and Kirby keeps sleeping. Cut back to M.STV HQ.)
Stapp: Fire the kicking mechanism!
(Back to the split screen. Kirby's screen enlarges a bit and we see a boot come down and kick Kirby. He jumps up. Cut to M.STV.)
The Four: (approach the microphone)
(Back to the split screen. Individual shots of the smashers are shown while the four talk.)
Stapp: 'Lo, Smashers.
Segekihei: Hope you had a nice sleep--for it ends now.
Walunas: You fell asleep in Nintendo of America in Seattle, Washington, USA. You have woken up in another place. Where? We can't tell you...
Auron: ...you must find out. Right now, the twenty-five other smashers are in other places around the world. Your objective is to make it back to Nintendo of America, Seattle, Washington, United States of America first. The first person to make it back to their room will win ¥200,000,000. However, it won't be easy. You'll have to make it on your own using whatever skills you've attained in the world.
Stapp: Like Adventure mode, except with lots of money on the line!
Segekihei: So good luck...
Walunas: ...you'll need it!
(The speakers go dead and everyone rushes outside...to see they're still in a hallway. They all sigh relief and go back to bed, wondering what the hell that was about. Meanwhile, the M.STV crew is snickering at their genius.)
M.STV crew: (snicker snicker snicker)
Segekihei: They don't know that the hallway transported too! Hee! They're gonna get so confused! I'm looking forwards to seeing them step outside and realize that they're in Tokyo! Hee hee hee...
Auron: Tokyo? I thought you said Toledo.
(Kirby steps outside and finds himself in Ohio.)
M.STV crew: (facefault)
Stapp: Eh, close enough. They don't know where they are, and they still have to go a ways...
Walunas: It'll work.
Segekihei: Now, we watch...
-----=====~~~~~=====-----
Like it? Love it? Want to send me absurdly large amounts of money for little to no reason? Review!