AUTHOR'S NOTE: One of my favorite cartoons growing up was "Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers." I am a huge Disney nut, especially the Classic Disney Era, and Disney television series from 1985 to 1996. In any case, I based this particular story around one of my favorite "Rescue Rangers" episodes. If you're familiar with "Rescue Rangers," you'll know which one it is right away ;)

It looked like it was going to be a typical spring day in the Evergreen Forest. Bert's Californian pen pal, Reggie Drake, was in town visiting with his grandparents, and the three of them invited Bert, Ralph, Melissa, Cedric, and Sophia out for a picnic. After they got everything set up, Reggie began passing around the sandwiches.

"Great, I'm starving!" Ralph shouted.

Dr. Canard took a bite out of his sandwich. Unfortunately, he didn't taste much out of it. He took it apart, and looked at it.

"I think you've forgotten something, Reginald," he said. The others lifted the bread from their sandwiches, and saw the fillings were missing as well.

"Hey!" Reggie shouted. "Who's the wise guy that de-peanut buttered my peanut butter sandwiches?!"

"Bert!" everyone shouted at once, glaring at Bert.

"Sorry, guys," Bert said, sheepishly. "I couldn't help it! Once I smell peanut butter, I lose all control!"

"Bert, you've got to learn to pull yourself together when it comes to peanut butter," Melissa said.

"What are we going to do for lunch now?" Cedric asked.

"Don't worry, everybody," Mrs. Canard said, pulling a loaf of bread out of the basket. "Reggie and I came prepared."

"Right," Reggie said, rummaging through the basket. "I have an entire jar of peanut butter right here."

"You mean you had an entire jar of peanut butter," Ralph said. "It's empty."

"Ber-ert!" Reggie shouted.

"Well, at least we still have Adelaide's cookies," Dr. Canard said.

"Oh yeah!" Reggie shouted. "Wait'll you taste these! You guys haven't lived until you've had one of Nana's . . . ."

"Peanut butter cookies?" Bert finished Reggie's sentence for him.

"Yeah, Nana makes the best . . . ." Reggie went on, and then he realized what Bert just said.

"Bert, you wouldn't," Melissa said.

"You couldn't," Sophia said.

"You didn't," Cedric said.

"He would, he could, and he did," Reggie groaned, checking the basket. "He didn't even leave us one cookie crumb!"

"Uhh . . . . heh, heh . . . . sorry," Bert said, shrugging. "But you're right about one thing, Reg, your nana's peanut butter cookies are the best I've ever had!"

"Well, we've still got the fruit," Dr. Canard said. Then he looked in the basket. "Scratch that. We don't have the fruit."

"I sliced at least a dozen apples this morning!" Mrs. Canard shouted. "I know I packed them!"

"Don't tell me, Bert," Ralph groaned, slapping his hand over his eyes. "You used the apple slices to dip into the peanut butter jar."

"I, uhhh, I take the fifth," Bert said. Everyone groaned again. Ralph then took the only thing remaining from the picnic basket, which was a huge thermos of lemonade. Even that was gone. He glared at Bert.

"You want to explain how you drank an entire thermos of lemonade?" he asked.

"Well . . . ." Bert said. "I had to wash all that peanut butter down. You know it sticks to the roof of your mouth."

Reggie was seeing red at this point. He let out a scream and pounced on Bert, ready to tear him apart. Dr. Canard, Ralph, and Cedric pulled him off the peanut butter crazed raccoon before things got ugly.

"Down boy!" Ralph shouted.

"Steady, Reginald, steady . . . ." Dr, Canard said.

"Take it easy, Reggie," Cedric said.

"Bert, how could you eat our entire picnic like that?!" Reggie shouted. "It took us all night to throw it together! Nana and I had to drive all the way to Saskatchewan and back just to buy peanut butter! No store around here had any!"

"Bert, I think you've been eating too much peanut butter lately," Melissa said. "Maybe it's time you cut down."

"But . . . . but peanut butter's good for you!" Bert shouted. "It's full of protein!"

"Yeah, but too much of it isn't good for you, Bert," Ralph said. "You've got to admit, you've put on a quite a few peanut butter pounds there."

The others agreed on that one. Bert didn't. He wasn't going to cut back on peanut butter! Not by a long shot!

The next morning, Bert and Reggie were working on the roof of the Raccoondominum. Reggie climbed up the ladder while Bert hold it steady.

"Hand me the hammer, would you, Bert?" Reggie asked.

"Sure," Bert said, handing Reggie the hammer. "Do you think I eat too much peanut butter?"

"Yes," Reggie said. "It wouldn't kill you to cut back, you know. Doc says it isn't healthy to eat too much of one thing. Even if it is healthy."

"Even vegetables?"

"Oh yeah! I knew a girl in LA who ate nothing but carrot sticks. Seriously, she ate so many carrot sticks, she was starting to turn orange!"

Bert thought that one over. He and Reggie finished the roof, and Reggie climbed down. Bert was about to put the ladder away when he suddenly smelled something in the air. Then he got a crazed look in his eyes, and a silly grin plastered on his face. Then he spotted a half empty jar of peanut butter through the window.

"Peeeeaaaaanut buuuuutteeeerrrr!" he said, dreamily, and let go of the ladder.

"Bert, watch what you're doing!" Reggie shouted, as the ladder began to fall. Ralph and Melissa were just coming around the corner, and the ladder was heading right for them.

"Ralph, look out!" Melissa shouted.

"Yaaahhh!" Ralph screamed, and the ladder crashed to the ground.

"Ralph! Melissa!" Bert shouted, forgetting about the peanut butter completely. When the dust cleared, Bert and Reggie saw Melissa sitting on the ground, untouched by the ladder. Ralph standing there, too, but his tail had been pinned under the ladder.

"Oh, Ralph, are you all right?" Melissa asked, as she and Reggie moved the ladder.

"I think so, Melissa," Ralph said, rubbing his tail.

"Ralph, I'm so sorry!" Bert shouted. "It's all my fault. I just got a whiff of peanut butter and . . . ."

"Bert, this has got to stop," Ralph said. "You've got to learn to control yourself!"

"I will," Bert said. "As of right now, I'm giving up peanut butter!"

"Bert Raccoon giving up peanut butter?" Melissa asked. "Now I've heard everything!"

"The world must be coming to an end," Reggie teased.

Bert ignored his friends teasing. He knew they didn't think he could do it. But he'd show them!