~*~*~*~*
Lying there next to him was the hardest thing she had ever done. She knew where this was going. She knew what she had to do.
It was hard.
She didn't want to stop feeling again. She didn't want the nothingness that came with it. She wanted what he made her feel. She wanted all of it.
Turning her head, she looked at his face. His face was relaxed, almost boyish. Reaching up she touches his cheek, causing a smile to slowly form on his lips.
She memorized ever line on his face, every freckle, every nuance. She touched his mouth, his nose, his eyes, his cheekbones.
She needed to stay calm, keep her emotions in check. He would be able to sense her unease, her panic.
The pictures kept flashing through her mind, everything that was going to happen, unless she made a choice. She didn't want to make this choice, but no matter how she saw it, the only way for everyone to survive was for her to go, without word, without warning.
He would be strong, he would act like it was alright, that he understood, but she knew he wouldn't. His eyes would darken, and he would lose the war he was waging within himself. His feelings were strong and ran deep, just like hers. He would break. If she could cry, she was sure her pillow would be drenched in tears.
It was the only way.
Everyone had already made their choices; it was clear as day, except for her. She just didn't know how to rip her own heart from her chest and lay it at his feet. She didn't know how to leave him behind as if he meant nothing when he meant everything.
Looking up at the sky she thought about everything that was going to happen. She needed to convince herself it was the right thing to do. The sacrifice was worth it.
Sitting up she could no longer look at him. Leaving with him at her side was one thing but leaving without him was so much harder. She needed to see her future clearly but lying next to him made her waiver on her decision, causing the picture to cloud up.
She figured it was like removing a band-aid, do it quickly, just get it over with. All at once her future was clear and it made her wish she could cry.
Standing, he rose with her. She turned toward him, her eyes bright and her smile big.
"Jasper, I love you." Her sing song voice whispered. She smiled bright to keep her emotions under control.
His only response was a half smile, as usual. He wasn't much for words.
Grabbing his hand she led him toward the house.
"Oh, I need to go talk to Bella, I'll be right back." She said with a little hop, just as they reached the house. He looked at her, his golden eyes warm with affection, breaking her heart a tiny bit more.
"Alright" He said, lightly kissing her on the cheek. He only did things like that when no one was around. He was very private. That's what she loved so much about him. She would make him understand, even if it took two hundred years.
She turned her back to him and began heading toward Bella and Edwards. Turning back one last time, she saw him watching her. He raised his right hand, palm out toward her, his expression broken and sad.
Both their hearts lay dying on the ground between, and she knew at that moment that he would understand.
He already did.