She was acting strangely, distant, interacting as little as possible with her inner circle and spending a great deal of time to herself. He normally wouldn't have imposed, but a comment from Varric had pushed him to action.
"You'd never guess just by looking at her," he'd started, a smirk on his lips even if his eyes were shadowed by concern. "but I think our inquisitor is homesick."
They'd been in the main hall, standing by Varric's writing desk. Cullen had stopped by to ask something of the dwarf, but then Delani walked by and he'd suddenly forgotten his purpose. Varric's observation had caught him by surprise, it was astute, and one that he should have made sooner himself.
Glancing down at the stout man, he'd inquired, "What makes you say that?" his gaze on Lady Lavellan's back while she strode through the main hall, ignoring pleasantries as she hurried toward her chambers.
Varric had shrugged, as though the answer were so obvious that he shouldn't have had to put it into words. Perhaps he was right, but Cullen's relationship with Delani was still uncharted territory. There was still so much that he didn't know about her, so much of her left to discover, and Varric had the insight of a third party.
"She's been spending an awful lot of time in the stables," he casually supplied, as though it were answer enough and Cullen should have been able to derive the point of his statement himself. "With the harts."
When it became painfully obvious that Cullen still wasn't following his meaning, Varric sighed and shook his head. "You're hopeless, Curly." After rubbing his forefingers against his eyes, reclaiming a sense of patience for the ongoing conversation, he returned his gaze to Cullen and explained, "Harts, Commander, the big deer that are kinda like halla."
"And that's unusual?" he'd asked, still uncertain. In the short time that he'd gotten to know Delani he'd at least learned that she enjoyed spending time with the majestic creatures. Had the simple pleasure turned into something more poignant without him noticing? All it took was a single glance at Varric for him to have his answer.
The look Varric had given him was defeated. Shaking his head again, Varric turned on his heel and strode the short distance towards his writing desk. Without looking back at Cullen, he'd advised, "You should go talk to her. If anyone can get her smiling again, it's you."
And so that was exactly what he had set out to do, what he was on his way to do right now. Cullen was standing in front of the last door to Delani's chambers, just staring at the wood as he mustered the resolve to knock. What if he said the wrong thing? What if she sent him away? She was close with a number of people, people who fought along side her on the field, who had her back and protected her with their lives; perhaps he wasn't the best suited to talk to her.
Sucking in a deep breath, he rose a fist and rapped his knuckles against the wood. Sure there might have been others who were better suited to talk to her, but he wanted to be the one to bring a smile back onto her face. Their relationship —if it could even be called that— was startlingly important to him, and he wouldn't leave the privilege of helping Delani to someone else.
He paused before lifting his fist to knock again, giving her the chance to get to the door. Everyone had seen her enter her chambers, it wasn't as though she could pretend to be elsewhere. After a few seconds had passed the door creaked open, revealing the beautiful petite elf standing on the other side.
Her sea green eyes were wide with surprise, his visitation was obviously unexpected but not unwelcome. Standing to the side, she motioned for Cullen to enter her bed chamber, and he had to stifle the fit of nerves that prickled at his resolve. There was no turning back now, not that there had ever been.
It took a short climb of stairs before he stepped into the room. He gave her chambers a quick once over, noting the writing desk in the corner and the tall case filled with books behind it. There was an instrument leaning against the wall, and Cullen couldn't help but wonder if she played. His gaze then moved to her bed, which he quickly looked away from before moving his attention to the inquisitor standing silently beside him.
The beautiful elf was staring up at him, her expression pinched with curiosity and confusion. Though it didn't seem like she minded his presence in her personal space, she wasn't certain why he was there to begin with. Cullen's hands reached for the pommel of the blade usually sheathed at his hip, only to find the space empty, forgetting that he had left it in his chambers before going to see Varric.
Not sure what to do with his hands, Cullen awkwardly crossed them in front of his chest before deciding that the position was too standoffish for the conversation he was trying to initiate and moving his arms so that he could hold his wrist behind his back; which also felt wrong, too professional when he wanted to be more than an advisor, more than her friend. He felt a telling heat burn under his cheeks as he allowed his hands to fall lamely at his sides, defeated and embarrassed that he was being felled by such a menial thing as hand placement.
Clearing his throat, Cullen finally decided to explain his presence in her room. "I was hoping to talk to you," he started, surprised that he sounded more confident than he felt. Maker, did she even realize how intimidating she was, how breathtaking?
An auburn eyebrow quirked in reply, curiosity still evident in her enchanting green eyes when she observed, "Sounds like you might need a drink first." Delani started for the shut door beside her bed and offered, "Can I get you one?"
"No, thank you," he answered before she could get to the door. Delani stopped short and turned around to face him. Cullen threw a quick glance at the seat against the hand railing and gestured toward the sofa. It was both a question and an invitation. When she nodded in reply to both, he sat down on the comfortable cushions and felt a certain note of contentment when she sat down beside him.
Delani tucked a leg under herself, getting comfortable, before she asked, "What did you want to talk about, Cullen?"
He paused for a moment, unsure how to properly initiate the conversation. If he didn't chose his words carefully he'd put her on the defensive, and he didn't want this to turn into a confrontation when it didn't have to. Wiping his hands down his pant legs, Cullen released a heavy exhale before throwing caution and strategy to the wind and bull-rushed right in.
"Our friends are concerned about you." he started only to immediately correct himself. "I'm concerned about you." When Delani's gorgeously tanned features furrowed with confusion, Cullen explained. "You have been rather distant lately, and it has me wondering if maybe you're not happy here?"
Sea green eyes watched him for a moment, the emotions inside foreign and strange to him. She looked away, gaze moving toward the open balcony doors, and Delani considered her answer. After a second or so, her eyes returned to Cullen's and a small smile was visibly forced onto her lips. "I am happy here."
She said the words, but her tone left room for doubt, doubt that must have shown on his features because she followed up with a reconciliation. "Truly, Cullen," she reached out and placed her hand on his thigh, right above his knee. She squeezed his leg as though to reassure him. "I am happy. I just… I miss my family, that's all."
Then Varric was right, she was homesick. Cullen's gaze was on the thin and delicate fingers on top of his thigh, gently assuring him of the truth of her words. His heart started to pick up in his chest, nerves thudding in his eardrums as an idea formulated in his mind. She was the inquisitor, and he commanded the inquisition's forces, they were both tremendously busy people. But none of that seemed to matter. Delani was being shadowed by a cloud of somberness, and it was within his power to bring her inner light back out.
"Perhaps," he said, still uncertain whether or not this would be the best Idea, "you don't have to miss your family." Delani's head tilted with her confusion, and her features furrowed with intrigue. Before she could ask his meaning, he explained himself. "We know where your clan is, and that they're safe. Perhaps we could pay them a visit."
Her eyes widened with shock, mouth falling to make a small 'o'. It took a moment for the inquisitor to gather her bearings and fully process his suggestion. Blinking several times, she shook her head clear before an excited grin expanded over her lips and stole the breath right from his lungs. "Really?" her grip tightened on his thigh as her excitement radiated from her like solar flares. "Do you think we have time?"
A chuckle rumbled out of Cullen. Her excitement was infectious, the grin that inched across his features couldn't have been stopped even if he wanted it to. Shaking his head, he answered, "We definitely don't have time." Before her expression could fall, that heartwarming smile disappearing from her beautiful face, he amended, "But we will make time. This is important to you."
"It is," she agreed and bit down on her bottom lip as though gnawing on the plush flesh would make her jubilant grin go away. Fidgety with excitement, Delani launched herself at Cullen and wrapped her arms around his neck. She squeezed him tightly, pressing herself against him as she shook him lightly. "Thank you, Cullen. Thank you so much."
Her scent was in his nose, the smell of wild flowers filing his lungs and making his mouth water. Delani was warm, her natural body heat seeping through his cloak and heating his blood. For a second he was too shocked to react to her spontaneous affection, but then his arms wound around her by their own free will, securing her against him as he shared in her intoxicating elation.
They parted too soon, but Cullen allowed her to pull free from his hold. Her happy simper was still firmly planted on her lips, and he now had this soul crushing desire to find out how those lips would feel against his. Clearing his throat, he forced himself up from the sofa and stood just beside the stairwell that would take him from her chambers. Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, he said, "I'll go make the necessary preparations. A small entourage will accompany you to your clan's location."
Her smile fell a bit, disappointment in her eyes. "I—" she shook her head, dismissing the thought and allowing the unfinished sentence to hang there. When she looked back up at him, her smile had significantly less impact and there was a shadow back in her eyes. Her tone was polite when she replied, "If you think that's best."
Feeling as though he had said exactly the wrong thing, Cullen tried to fix whatever it was he had just broken. "Is that not what you want?" he asked, desperate to know what he had said to shatter that smile he had been so completely enamored by.
If there was one thing he really appreciated about the inquisitor, it was that she didn't expect him to read her mind. She spoke plainly when she felt so inclined, and she explained to him exactly what it was she wanted from him. "I want you to come with me."
His expression widened with surprise, and she hurried along to her meaning before he could speak. "I want only you to come with me." He opened his mouth but she spoke before he had the chance, explaining, "We'll travel faster if it's just the two of us, and I want to introduce the commander of the Inquisition to clan Lavellan's Keeper."
Cullen was speechless. She wanted to go with him, alone. Sure they had flirted here and there, had demonstrated interest in one another, but for her to show such confidence in him… how could he say no to that? He stood there like a gaping buffoon for a good minute before realizing that he hadn't yet said anything.
Allowing a grin to pull at his lips once more, he bowed in acceptance of her terms, feeling nervous excitement spark inside him. "I'll gather my things and prepare the mounts. We can depart the moment that you are ready."
Her smile was back, bigger and brighter than ever. She leaped up from the sofa and said, "I'll put a back together now." That smile could melt a mountainside. "Thank you for this, Cullen."
It felt as though the warmth in his chest would cause his ribcage to combust. Unable to wipe the smile from his lips, he replied, "Don't thank me yet. I make for a terrible travel companion."
A melodic laugh burst out of her, her expression pinched with playful doubt. "You haven't traveled with Iron Bull. That man can work up quite a stink."
"I'll have to take you at your word on that one," he replied before bowing in self-dismissal. "Meet me at the stables when you are ready."
Cullen exited her chambers feeling both anxious and giddy. She wanted to travel alone with him, to meet her clan, her family. Their relationship couldn't even really be called such, and already they were making this step. He wasn't nervous about meeting her clan—alright, he was nervous about meeting her clan, but that wasn't what gave him pause. What made him uncertain was what this meant for them. What did it mean for their relationship? Could Cullen pull Delani into his arms and claim her lips with his like he wanted to, needed to, or was there still a wall of propriety dividing them?
He supposed, one way or another, he was bound to find out.
It was only a day and a half's worth of travel from Skyhold to the Waking Sea. Once they were in the Free Marches it was just another few days until they reached clan Lavellan. Their travels went better than he had expected them to. Delani had a spunk and vivaciousness he hadn't noticed before. She had a laugh ready for even his most inane jokes, and a wild energy he had always subconsciously associated with the Dalish people. He felt different being alone with her, experiencing life with her, like he was finally alive and seeing the world for the beauty that it was. Cullen would be a liar if he didn't admit to being completely and effectively enraptured by her.
The moment the clan saw them emerging from the hilltop a celebration erupted. They were greeted by the hunters and escorted the rest of the way, only to be swarmed by elven children that clung to the inquisitor like leeches. Her smile never went away, the melody of her laughter a constant ring in the air. She was welcomed by her clan like only a hero could be, even with the war still on Delani was their champion.
Try though he might to fade into the background, Delani simply wouldn't have it. When he tried to take a step back, giving her and her clansmen room to talk, she would secure hold of his forearm and imprison him to her side. When the children would encircle her, demanding stories, to be held, and her undivided attention, she would pick one off of the ground and hand them to Cullen for him to hold. Always the chosen child would stare up at him with their impossibly large eyes, as though he were a creature of legend, the protector and defender of their beloved huntress.
Slowly they progressed through the caravan until they were at its heart, where the Keeper stood with staff in hand, grinning in welcome of Delani and her companion. She was an older woman, around Cullen's mother's age if he had to guess. Her skin was darkened by sunlight and her dark mahogany hair was threaded with grey. Her vallaslin wasn't so different from Delani's, marks like tree branches following the arches of her cheekbones. At the sight of the Keeper, Delani ran from Cullen's side and into the older woman's arms.
Cullen set the child who'd been forced into his arms back onto their feet, and the little girl scuttled off with the other children. He slowly approached the two women who were still locked in an embrace, the affection was intimate in a familial way and he couldn't help but wonder who the Keeper really was to Delani.
When they pulled apart, the Keeper brushed Delani's auburn hair out of her face with a smile still firmly rooted on her lips. "Da'mi, emm'asha, emma ir serannas sahlin dar in ma elvarel." she said to Delani. Her words were beautiful and foreign to Cullen, though the meaning was clear. She was overjoyed to have Delani back among the people.
Delani smiled at the older woman, respectfully bowing her head when she replied, "Emma sulahn'nehn dar aria, mamae. El shiral uth." Half turning, she gestured for Cullen to join her and, when he was standing loyally at her side, she went onto the introductions.
"Cullen, this is Keeper Milathara, leader of clan Lavellan and my mother." Her words caught him by surprise. He'd always known that she had been an important member of her clan, that she'd led their hunters, but he could have never guessed that she was the Keeper's daughter.
Turning her gaze onto the softly smiling Keeper, Delani continued, "Mamae, this is Cullen, commander of the Inquisition's forces and el falon, ma falon."
Keeper Milathara's smile grew as she kindly regarded Cullen, "It is a pleasure to finally meet you Commander Cullen. It is you who we have to thank for our clan's continued safety, is it not?"
He felt a light burn warming his cheeks. Chucking awkwardly, he dared to correct her, "I merely gave the order, if anyone is to thank it is our men, both yours and mine."
She then looked back at Delani, her forest green eyes laughing in delight. "He is as you said, da'mi. Humble." When she returned her attention to him it was with the explanation, "My daughter speaks very highly of you, Commander. Thank you for bringing her home."
Milathara then stepped up to Cullen and pulled him into a tight embrace, and he had no choice but to return the affection. As she hugged him, she said, "You are welcome among the people and will be our honored guest."
When she released him she addressed the clan as a whole. "Delani has returned from her journeys to visit her people. Tonight we will celebrate her arrival properly."
She lifted her staff and the people cheered, festivities immediately ensuing. Drums started beating in the background and Cullen was pulled into a dance he didn't know the steps to before he had a chance to refuse. He looked back at Delani, pleading for rescue, but she abandoned him to his fate with a grin.
Hours passed without him noticing. Day had turned to night, and the only evidence Cullen had to prove the passage of time was ache in his legs and a belly overstuffed with delicious food. He was finally released by his last dance partner, and Cullen retreated a safe distance away from the bonfire before he was pulled back in by another. His expression hadn't changed from a buoyant simper since he and Delani were first greeted by the clan.
Now standing off to he side, trying to catch his breath, he searched for the inquisitor among the festivities. Before he could locate her, he felt the presence of someone stepping up beside him. Cullen turned to find Keeper Milathara coming to stand beside him. There was a content smile on her lips and she nodded in greeting, wordlessly instructing him to be still.
"Quite the party," he stated, remembering to be respectful. "Thank you for allowing me the privilege of attending."
"The privilege is ours, Commander," the Keeper replied with a maternal smile.
Returning her smile with one of his own, he corrected her, "Please, Keeper, call me Cullen."
Her smile grew, and she bowed her head in acknowledgment of his request. "I must thank you, Cullen, for returning my daughter to me."
Shrugging off her gratitude as unnecessary, he stated, "There's no need to thank me. It's in the Inquisition's best interests to make sure that she's happy."
Milathara shook her head. "No," she said. "You misunderstand my meaning." Placing a hand on Cullen's bicep, she invited him to walk with her. And so he did. As they strolled through the trees, further away from the ongoing celebration, she tried to explain. "Delani has always been a lively and mischievous girl. From the moment she could walk she was getting into trouble, and her father loved her all the more for it."
She paused for a second, a moment of silence out of respect for the departed. Milathara's tone was poignant when she next spoke, nostalgic as she recalled a time from another life. "Delani and her father were inseparable. She loved him like he was the sun. My husband died when Delani was still young, having barely just received her vallaslin. His death was a violent one, he died in her arms."
The revelation was a large one, and Cullen didn't know how to react. He struggled with words, as none seemed adequate. When he said, "I'm sorry," it felt like the most shallow thing to have ever come out of his mouth.
"It was long ago," she assured him, looking up to meet his gaze and offering him a tender smile. Returning her attention forward, they kept walking for some distance as she continued. "Losing her father changed Delani. She was no longer my exuberant da'mi. Her laugh was harder to come by, and her smile just as rare. Delani stepped into her father's role and led our hunters, but she was different without him."
Milathara glanced up at Cullen again, her smile larger know, appreciative. She looked grateful for something that he couldn't begin to understand, and it was humbling. "You have returned my daughter to me, the girl she had once been before we lost her father." They stopped walking when the sound of a flowing river became louder in the distance, the moving water not far from where they were standing. "She is smiling and laughing, joking and playing like she used to. And that is because of you."
Firmly gripping her staff, she nodded Cullen's attention to the river and he noticed the figure standing at its edge. When he looked back at Milathara, uncertainty in his eyes, she smiled warmly at him and placed an encouraging hand on his shoulder. "You are falon da'elvhen, friend to our people, and I cannot fully express my thanks."
Before he could assure her that there was no need for thanks, she turned on her heel and started to leave without him. Her last words to him were, "Be good to her, Cullen, and she will never leave your side."
He watched her walk away for some time before turning back around to find that Delani was still at the riverside. Sucking in the cool night air, Cullen strengthened his resolve and went to go talk to her. A light breeze carried her scent to his nose, and he closed his eyes to relish it. When he opened his eyes again he was standing beside Delani, water flowing calmly before them.
There was amusement in her voice when she asked, "Did the people finally banish you for your terrible shemlen dancing skills?"
The laugh that burst out of him was involuntary. "I'll have you know that I've been receiving nothing but complements in regards to my dancing."
Delani gave him a sidelong glance, an easygoing smile on her lips as she regarded him. Her features were shadowed by night, but her eyes were lovely under the moonlight. She was beautiful and, not for the first time, Cullen was filled with the need to kiss her.
Pulling him from his distracting thoughts, she replied, "Seems like you've danced with everyone but me. I feel slighted, Commander."
He felt the grin pulling at his lips and felt no need to suppress it. Shrugging, he said, "Perhaps I'll save you a dance."
"Perhaps I'll come to collect sooner than you think." she rebuked with a bright a lovely smile. Turning to face him full on, the smile fell a bit from her lips and it became harder for her to hold his gaze. Nervously wringing her hands, Delani forced herself to look at him and Cullen felt his insides vibrate with anxious curiosity.
Tucking her auburn hair behind a long pointed ear, she said, "I want to thank you for this, Cullen, for allowing me to visit with my clan, for coming with me."
He'd about had enough needless thanks for one night. He had done nothing to earn her gratitude. Cullen had done what anyone else would have done, and there was no need to thank him for that. "You don't have to thank me, Delani—"
"I do," she interrupted him before he could try to make her take back her gratitude. She placed her hand on his forearm, her touch gentle, tender, and all he could think about was how much he wanted to pull her into his arms.
The corner of her mouth twisted into a small smile and she explained. "We are both busy with a million different things, every last one of them more important than me seeing my people again. And still you took the time to bring me home. You crossed the Waking Sea with me just so that I could embrace my mother. You are kind, thoughtful, and an excellent traveling companion. And I do have to thank you, because you didn't have to do any of this but you did it anyway."
She took a step towards him, erasing what little space there was between them. "Thank you, she whispered before standing on the tips of her toes. Delani placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth, and broke away from him too soon.
Cullen stood speechless, feeling his cheeks burn in a way that he thought he'd overcome during adolescence. He opened his mouth but no words came out. There were no words. He wanted more from her than a mere peck to the cheek, but that small token of affection had left him so utterly dumbstruck that he couldn't even remember how to talk.
With her hand still on his forearm, Delani started to tug him back toward the festivities. Her smile was playful as she said, "Come on, Commander. I believe you owe me a dance."