Warning: This contains smut. If you are uncomfortable reading it, please exit the tab.
"What do you mean you can't do this?" She shouts, springing from the bed as her hands quickly zip her shirt back up and finds Jake in the hall, leaning against the wall. He pushes away from it and continues walking, ignoring her and Clare moves around him, placing herself in front of him. Her arms cross over her chest and she stares up at him. "No, you don't get to do this again, Jake. You don't get to run. Especially after that. After I... Jake?" Her voice goes from anger to this deep sadness that Jake can practically feel in his bones.
This was what he'd wanted to avoid but he knew either way, they both ended up hurt and he was sick of it. Why couldn't things just work out for them? They loved each other and it was real, he knew that. She was the only girl and she trusted him enough but maybe he'd just ruined that by walking out but Bianca's words churned in his brain over and over and he knew he couldn't promise the girl in front of him forever. No matter how much he wanted to. God, he wanted to promise her forever. He wanted her to be his for the rest of time but he knew that didn't always happen.
"I mean that I can't take that next step with you while you think we'll get married and be together forever, Clare!"
It comes out harsher than he means for it to, but she takes a step back and sets her jaw straight with her head held high and he's never loved her more than in that moment. Not that he can get ahold of his feelings or ever make sense of them because Clare Edwards has a way of twisting Jake around and making him a jumble of confused emotions.
"Are you saying that you don't want to be with me?" Her voice isn't as sad, but it lacks emotion and Jake pushes the palm of his hands against his face, frustrated. "Clare, God, no. No. Okay? I do! I want to be with you or have you just missed the past few months?" His hands drop and reach for her but she slaps his hand away, shaking her head.
"You aren't making any sense then. What did I do wrong? Did I come on too strong? Tell me Jake, because I'm really confused right now! You're saying one thing and your actions are telling me something else. What is it?"
Jake doesn't know how to say it. How to break it without it coming out harsh or bitter or broken. How to say it without losing her because damned if he doesn't feel like he's on the verge of it. And it sucks, it hurts and he's angry. Not at her, but at himself. At the world. At their parents. He's angry that he even fell for her to begin with because this is not him, this isn't how he is. He avoids this because he's seen it with his own two eyes but here he is, helplessly in love with a girl that makes his world spin.
"What if we break up?"
"Are you planning on it?"
The question stops him for a minute and he sucks in some air because his lungs are hurting. Or no, his chest hurts and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. "No... I wouldn't be with you if I were. It's just, well, Clare. Our parents are married. Do you... we can't sneak around forever."
"Just go, Jake. I can't deal with this right now." Her eyes pull away from his and she walks around him, all intentions to go into her room and fall onto her bed to sleep and not think about this mess but his hand catches her gently around the waist and he turns, pulling her flush against him.
"If I can't run, you can't either. A bit hypocritical, don't you think?"
She fights against him for a moment but stops and shoots him a dirty look. "What do you want from me?"
"Just you."
"You're confusing me, Jake."
His hands slide from her hips to her face and he kisses her. It's short and sweet. "We can't sneak around anymore. The only way we can for sure know we did this right is if we come clean. I'm saying if we're going to do this, we have to tell them and we have to deal with it. They can't stand in our way like they have been. I'm happy for them, you're happy for them. It's their turn to be happy for us or get over it."
Clare thinks it over, her brain racing. "But what if they kick us out? What if they ship me off or lock us in our rooms and keep us from each other forever? Or what if-" her next stream of words are cut off by his lips as he guides her to the wall that he was resting against earlier and pushes her back against it lightly as their kiss deepens. Her hands slide down his back, her fingers brushing along the hem of his shirt until her hands are against skin and he wonders how he walked away from her when all he wants is her. More than air, it's her that he wants and needs and maybe that sounds a bit silly but it's true.
Jake pulls her from the wall and picks her up, she works with him, her legs wrapping around his waist as he makes his way back into her room and kicks the door shut with his foot. He nearly loses his footing but he makes it to the bed and they drop onto it with a few giggles from Clare as he catches himself so not to squish her with his weight.
"I'm sorry," he tells her, lips working against her cheek and jaw as his hands unzip the front of his shirt. He breathes out and his eyes drink her in. He pushes the shirt off of her arms and she sits up as it falls off of her. He reaches back and after a try or two, the clasp is undone and her cheeks are red because Jake is watching her with his eyes and memorizing every inch of skin that he can see. "You're so beautiful," He utters to her softly and their eyes meet. "Are you sure?"
Her hands grip his hips lightly as she pulls him down and she nods quickly. "Positive." That's all it takes before his shirt joins hers and then Jake wastes no time in pulling her jeans down her legs but his eyes continue to take it all in and he swears he'll remember it for the rest of forever. The word that even he was scared of. He kisses up her legs, nipping at the skin behind her knee which makes her weak and giggle at the same time. His fingers dance along the inside of her thighs and she sighs impatiently. Jake gives in and lightly pulls at the dark blue underwear and once they're off, he slips a finger inside of her.
Jake watches her face, her eyes are closed and the more his finger moves inside of her, the more it makes her teeth graze her bottom lip. He moves his thumb over her lightly, testing to see if it's okay. Her body jumps slightly as her eyes open and he does it again as he adds another finger. He finally works his fingers in time with his thumb rubbing gentle circles against her clit and all worries are gone seeing as Clare is lifting her hips up, meeting his fingers and her open mouth is breathing his name out.
It makes him shiver, hearing her like this and he leans forward to press his lips against the inside of her thigh and then again against her stomach. His fingers move faster and Clare's breathing comes out quicker, his name slightly louder and before he knows it, she's tightening around his fingers and her body becomes slack. Jake carefully removes his fingers from inside of her and hovers above her, kissing her jaw lightly. She calms down but her hands are rubbing over his jeans lightly and she turns her head, catching his lips with her own as she begins to unbutton his pants.
Clare pushes them off of his hips, taking his boxers with them and Jake helps her when they get to his knees. But they fall to the floor with a quiet thud and she takes a second to look him over. She blushes or maybe her cheeks are stained red but either way, Jake finds it adorable. Especially when her eyes find his again and she leans in to press a kiss over his heart. That only makes him love her even more, if it's even possible.
Jake puts his hand under her chin gently, lifting her head up so that he can kiss her. When he pulls back, he works quick to find his wallet and he pulls out a condom. Clare watches closely, unable to help herself as he tears it open and that's when she realizes his hands are shaking. She doesn't say anything though, instead she leans in and kisses from the bend of his elbow and makes her way up to his shoulder as he works the condom onto himself.
He lays her back gently and moves his mouth to ask if she's sure but she gives him knowing look and he nods once. He's nervous, he realizes as he shifts and presses against her, entering her slowly. He wants to be gentle and careful. He's afraid of hurting her so he pays attention as his palm cups her cheek and his fingers carresses her skin. Jake stills his hips and waits for her to open her eyes again. When she does, he can see a few tears escape and he leans down, kissing them lightly as he moves once again. Still gentle and careful. A tiny gasp and whimper, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulders and then she's moving with him after minutes of worry that he's hurting her more than it should.
Clare moves her legs and locks them around his waist as she lifts her hips up and he about loses it right in that moment but he holds himself together. Their eyes meet and she threads her fingers through his hair as their lips touch and she's mumbling something, he can't hear as their hips move in time and each thrust brings him deeper inside of her and only when she breathes in his ear does he finally get the message.
"Faster." It's quiet and longing and goes straight through him but he does as she asks. It's almost too much for him to handle because of the way she looks, of the way her eyes peer into his and the way she feels around him. It's too much because of the way she says his name and it's so new and he knows he'll never get enough of her now. Not ever.
He flips them over gently and watches as she moves without missing a beat. There's a shy look in her eye though, as she comes down onto him and he moves his hands to her hips as he presses his feet against the bed and lifts himself up. His hips move and he meets her thrust for thrust until he knows it's coming. She's tightening around him and his stomach is pulling pressure until she's pressed against his chest and moaning out his name into his ear and that's all it takes as he comes undone.
Afterward, there is silence and their breathing. Clare's still against his chest and Jake turns his head to kiss her on the forehead. His fingers move through her wet curls and the other moves soothingly over her back. He's scared to speak, he doesn't want to break the moment. then Clare turns her head and smiles happily at him. "I love you," she says in a promise as she kisses his cheeks and chin, forehead and the tip of his nose before finding his lips.
They pull back and Jake kisses her bottom lip. "And I love you." Forever, he adds mentally, pulling the covers over them.
I was trying something new with writing the tense like this. I don't know if it worked or if any of it was good but if you enjoy it, please let me know! :)