Eli and Clare were snuggled up on the couch it had been a long and exhausting few days, what with Fitz coming back and all, but everything was finally beginning to settle down when Clare asked out of the blue

"why do you hate him so much?"

"who?" he asked in return ,having no idea what Clare was talking about as per usual

"Fitz."

"um, Clare, do you not remember him trying to stab me at the school dance?" He knew there was more to the story but Clare would never look at him the same if she found it all out

"of course i remember, but it just seems like it all came so quickly, i mean did something huge happen that i dont know about?"

Eli could feel himself getting nervous but he took a deep breath and let it out like a sigh, he had to lie to Clare, he was in love with her, and he hadn't been this in love in a long time. "it wasn't anything big, it was a lot of little things." he had sadness in his voice that he had meant to mask but didn't do a good job of it, Clare could hear it and right away felt bad for bringing it up

"you're right, im sorry i brought it up."

"dont be sorry, its just, well...it was a scary night, that i dont want to re live that often" he wanted to tell her so bad, I mean she would understand, after Julia died he was, alone, and scared and confused.

"I know."

"Clare I, i have to tell you something, I dont want this to ruin us, but theres a chance it might,"

"dont tell me." she answered after a long timeÉ

"really?" he asked half shocked

"do you want me to know?"

"I really do, Im just scared that you are going to look at me differently."

"there is nothing you can say that will make me see you different then the wonderful amazing person you are."

"Not even that the real reason Fitz and i hate each other is because...um...after julia died, we sort of um..." he couldnt figure out how to say what he had to tell her,

"you what?" she had no anger in her voice just pure curiosity

"we, kinda of, dated." he was barely louder then a whisper at this point

"Ha, Ha very funny Eli." Clare responded. she turned around so her chest was no longer against his back and looked into his eyes expecting see humour, but all she saw was sadness, and what appeared to be loss. "wait, you're, you're serious?" Eli nodded his head before looking up into Clares big blue eyes. "how, I mean when? are you...I thought you liked..."

"After Julia died, i was scared, and lost and confused, and Im not gay Clare, I love you, and you're the one I want to be with, but its true that for a little while I was in a relationship with Mark Fitzgerald, a relationship that didnt end well." Clare just stared at Eli, she had never had a problem with gay people, even if some of her church members did, she wasnt concerned with whether a man wanted to marry, a man, or a woman, but having her boyfriend tell her that he once dated another boy was making her upset, and angry, and without even realizing it she was shaking.

`Clare? clare? are you ok? why are you shaking? do you need water?"

"No im fine, but I need you to tell me everything, like how did you end up...dating...Fitz" clare was still in shock but at the same time she didnt totally believe everything that was going on, she needed details if she was going to believe it, even if those details meant never seeing her Eli the same way again.

"are you sure Clare, i mean, I am perfectly ok with putting it in the past like it never happened"

"did you love him?"

"I thought i did. but I didnt, i was just hiding behind him, becuase I missed julia." somehow knowing that Eli never loved him kind of made her feel slightly better, thought the whole thing weirded her out, she had one more question befor she was ready to hear the entire story,

"Did you, and him, do anything, like, you know, physical?" Eli didnt answer right away, for some reason he couldnt bring himself to admit that yes, he had done physical stuff with him, "eli? yes or no?" he just nodded and kept his eyes the floor. Clare put a reassuring hand on his back and finally said " ok if youre ready to tell me what happened with you and Fitz, then Im ready to hear it." He took a long shakey breath before begining,

"It was about 6 weeks after Julia died when i met fitz for the first time..."