Title: Shifting Perspective
Author: littleotter73
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Rating: FRM
Setting: Post Chosen
Beta: catchoo, once again, thank you!
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Buffyverse
Shifting Perspective
Giles turned the taps all the way to hot and to the highest pressure the shower would go before inspecting himself in the mirror. Minor bruising, a few cuts, a gash from a bladed weapon that looked more like days rather than hours old, thanks to Willow. He'd come away lucky. While a few of their surviving troupe were more critically injured, a great many more didn't make it out, most notably Anya and Spike.
Despite his mourning, his thoughts strayed more to the mundane. It was probably a form of self-preservation on his part, compartmentalize the bad and focus on the problems at hand. What was it he told Buffy all those years ago? Ah yes, plunge and move on. It was his way... until it wasn't, and then he'd break down.
Hot steam started to fill the bathroom and he took a cleansing breath, filling his lungs with the warm, humid air. While the immediate threat was over and the Hellmouth was closed, there was so much to do now, repercussions from the spell, and it was rather overwhelming. After wiping the fog away from the glass on the mirror, he filled the sink with hot water and pressed down on the dispenser gathering the shaving gel into his hand. It sort of seemed arbitrary shaving, but he needed routine and to rid himself of the dust and rubble that was Sunnydale and the Hellmouth. Massaging the foam into his day-old beard, he decided that for the moment, he would try to unwind. After all, it was time for celebration, wasn't it? Though honestly, he wasn't in the mood. He suspected Buffy, Willow, and Xander weren't much in the mood either, but he knew the new Slayers would be. He rather expected them to raid the hotel bar, but he couldn't be arsed to lay down any rules tonight. The hotel was abandoned and there wasn't another soul or demon around for fifty miles or more.
He picked up the razor and started to methodically strip away the dirt, grime, stubble, and foam from his face, rinsing the blade in the sink after each pass and periodically wiping the steam from the mirror so he could see what he was doing. But in truth, barring interruptions, he could probably shave blind at this point and not nick himself.
When he finished, the battle weary Watcher stepped into the shower and let the hot water start to ease the tension in his shoulders and upper back. Leaning his right forearm against the tile, he let out a long sigh as he tried to banish the images of the battle that kept popping up unbidden in his mind. Maybe he would try meditating later.
He started to relax when the comforting smell of sandalwood surrounded him as he lathered himself up and more layers of filth washed off his body and down the drain. After rinsing the last of the complimentary hotel shampoo out of his hair, Giles stretched out the muscles in his torso and back beneath the hot water. Maybe a few minutes longer. He was in a hotel and he didn't have to worry about depleting the hot water tank.
Just as he straightened up to turn off the taps, he felt warm hands slide up his back and start to knead his shoulders. His muscles went tense and he reached up and grabbed one of the slender hands, prepared to do battle. In a flash, the intruder's free hand dropped from his shoulder and embraced him tightly around the waist, and a naked female form pressed up against his back.
"Just go with it, Giles," a husky voice whispered between his shoulder blades.
Buffy.
He closed his eyes, contemplating her command. Every rational part of his mind was telling him to ask her to leave, that the tenuous relationship he had with his Slayer could not survive such an encounter, but as she traced lazy circles on his tummy and trailed wet kisses up his spine, he lost himself to the sensations, his stomach muscles quivering beneath her touch and his cock hardening at the unspoken promises expressed through her lips and tongue.
Slowly he turned in her embrace, mustering the strength to beg for quarter as water streamed over his head and down his body. He'd already fought one hellacious battle that day, he could not bear another one anytime soon. Not with her. Not ever again. Too many of their disagreements had resulted in her shutting him out of her life - whether he'd been in the right or wrong - and she'd forgiven him and taken him back. But she had needed him then. He wasn't so sure that was the case now.
After shaking his head to rid himself of excess water, he caught her eyes, daring him to deny her, though her expression held no such challenge. She bit her lip, a clear sign of nervousness, and stood on her toes, lifting herself up to place a tentative kiss on his lips.
Giles didn't respond, resisting her invitation in one last ditch effort to save their relationship, but when she pulled away, lacing her fingers through his, and breathed, "please," he was undone. She stood before him exposed, beautiful, skin glistening beneath beads of water, and he could feel a slight tremble in her touch.
Reaching up to move a stray strand of hair from her face, he tamped down his fear. Was there nothing he wouldn't do for her? He'd admitted that it had been a factor behind leaving her after her resurrection, and here he found himself again at her command.
Cupping her cheek with his left hand, his gaze settled on her mouth as he watched her tongue peak over her lips, wetting them in anticipation. He pulled her closer, their bodies melding together as he quickly covered her mouth with his, tasting her, stroking her tongue while his right hand explored the curve of her hip and the rise of her bottom.
Her response was hungry and she dueled with him for control of the kiss, but the Watcher was damned if he was going to let her have it. She'd come to him for release and he was going to give it to her. Pulling her closer so she could feel the evidence of his desire, he growled and fisted his free hand through her hair, deepening the kiss, taking and tasting, plundering until he felt her yield.
Not surprisingly, he found that she tasted sweeter than any previous lover and he wanted more. He wanted to lose himself in her and show her he was more than just a walking encyclopedia of demon lore. As her hands raked down his back, he gently released her mouth and she whimpered her protest.
Resting his forehead against hers and reaching behind him to turn off the water, he whispered, "Not here."
Giles exited the shower first and grabbed a small towel off the rack. He carefully blotted the water from her face before bringing it up to her head to quickly rub the excess from her hair. When he was done, he dropped it on the floor and grabbed the larger bath towel to dry her body, starting with her neck and shoulders. Satisfied that she was dry enough, he knelt down before her, rubbing the towel over her arms and sides before moving to her firm belly and breasts.
Groaning inwardly, he couldn't resist the urge to suck a pert pink nipple into his mouth, and he heard her gasp as he rolled his tongue around the hardened bud. After letting go, he kissed his way down to her belly button while toweling off her back and rear, and noticed the healing scar on her right side. It was still an angry red color and by tomorrow it would be no more than a white line, but it was a reminder of how close he had come to losing her again... how close they'd come to losing the day. Placing a small kiss over the wound, he slowly continued his path downward. Her breathing became erratic with expectation, and in an attempt to slow things down, he turned his attention to drying her right foot, gradually working his way up her calf and over her knee before gingerly rubbing the towel along her inner thigh.
His Slayer gasped and grabbed his shoulders for support, instinctively parting her legs further for him, bombarding him with the muskiness of her scent. His cock twitched in anticipation and it took all his effort to hold onto his self-control and not take her right there. After repeating the process with her left leg, Giles tenderly toweled away the excess moisture from her curls. She bucked against his hand and he dropped the terry cloth to the floor, gently pushing his index and middle fingers between her folds.
She shuddered at his touch and held onto him tighter. He found her so slick and hot, her clit swollen and extremely sensitive to the lightest of his touches. Her responsiveness made him acutely aware that this was about Slayer need. She'd been in the fight of life, somehow this enemy's threat more menacing and the stakes seemingly higher than those that had come before it, and as her Watcher he was determined to give her what she needed. However, she was also his hero, and tonight he'd worship her as she deserved.
His fingers stroked and probed the length of her pussy, and he delighted in how her body reacted; slight trembles, the occasional spasm, the groans of pleasure when he pulsed his fingers against the distended bundle of nerves, and again when he entered her, brushing the pads of his fingers against her innermost sensitive spot. Kissing his way down her abdomen, he looked up at her when he reached the top of her mound, unable to hide the adoration in his eyes. When she ran a hand through his hair and nodded her assent, he placed his hands on her hips, leaned in, and brushed his tongue along her slit.
"Oh god!" she moaned, gripping the hair on the back of his head and shifting her stance so that she could lean against the vanity for support.
Oh god indeed! She tasted divine. He traced his tongue along the same path his fingers had mapped earlier, probing her, and testing her patience as he held back on the pressure. His hands wandered over her body, allowing them to explore further when he found her more sensitive areas. Struggling to keep herself upright, Buffy grabbed the counter behind her. Her breathing was now ragged, periodically interrupted by little sounds of pleasure, and he could feel how tense she was, so close to the edge.
"Giles," she begged, trying to grind against his mouth for more friction, to relieve the tension that had coiled so tightly throughout her body.
Smiling to himself, he stroked her swollen nub before sucking it into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. Moments later, she bucked and shuddered and her body went rigid as she screamed his name as she climaxed. His name. He hadn't expected her to do so. She had absolutely no reason to, they hadn't been lovers, not even friends really, barely venturing beyond anything professional for a couple years now, but it filled him with macho pride and something else he didn't want to examine at that exact instant.
As her body continued to spasm, Buffy's legs threatened to give out on her and she leaned forward, digging her fingers into his shoulders trying to keep upright. Giles sensed her distress and in one motion stood and scooped her up into his arms. When he was sure he held her securely, he carried her over to the bed. Settling next to her, he curled her into his arms and placed soft kisses on the top of her head while she recovered.
Lifting her forehead off his chest, Buffy reached up and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Thank you," she murmured, running her free hand over his chest and shoulder as a small smile broke out on her face. "You're still wet."
"No matter, I'll dry," he replied softly, a soft moan escaping his throat as she trailed light little kisses down his neck and over his collarbone, lapping up the small droplets of water she came across.
"Still very hard, too," the blonde observed when she wrapped her wandering free hand around his throbbing erection.
Giles bit his lip and thrust into her hand. "Jesus, Buffy," he whimpered as she started to stroke his cock.
Her hands were warm and she seemed to know exactly how to touch him. Running her thumb over the head, she spread the sticky pre-seminal fluid over it and down the shaft before caressing his heavy balls. When she moved her mouth and tongue over his chest to suck on a hardened nipple, he nearly launched himself off the bed.
Pushing him back down, the Slayer moved her attentions lower, over his belly, following the trail of hair down to where her busy hands continued to map out every contour, every ridge, every change in topography and texture of the objects she was exploring.
The Watcher reached for the headboard to steady himself, groaning when she circled her hand around the base of his shaft and ran her tongue around the head before dipping it into the slit and moaning appreciatively.
"Yesssssss!" he hissed, threading one hand through her hair, encouraging her to continue. She nibbled and teased up and down his rock hard erection, tracing up the vein on the underside before finally taking him whole in her mouth.
Grunting, he involuntarily thrust into her mouth just as she was pulling back. Buffy was prepared for it, and flattened her tongue to cradle his cock as she sucked her way back up to the tip.
Releasing him, Buffy kissed her way back up his tummy and straddled his thighs. "I want you," she whispered, a predatory gleam in her eyes.
"Then take me," Giles challenged in between breaths. He reached up and pulled her down for a kiss, his tongue invading her mouth, teasing and dueling with hers. When the impassioned Watcher broke the kiss, he opened his eyes to find his Slayer smiling at him.
"You're mine," Buffy proclaimed playfully next to his ear, her hot breath and declaration eliciting tiny tremors from him. She then lightly bit down on his neck before licking and kissing her way back up to his jawline.
Giles took in a deep breath, his body on fire from her touch and kisses. Her hands seemed to be everywhere, and he realized he couldn't keep up with her attentions. Finally, in an effort to get himself under control, he flipped her over, taking the dominant position, and settling himself between her thighs.
"Is this what you want?" he asked as he ran the tip of his erection along her hot, wet slit.
"Mmmhmm," she whimpered, clawing at his back.
Feeling a little of the devil in him, Giles pulled away and waited for her to look at him. The moment she opened her eyes, he said, "Answer me."
"Yes, fuck me, Giles!"
That told him all he needed to know at the moment, and he allowed his baser self to take over as he entered her. "Yes! Christ you're tight! So slick. So hot."
Groaning lightly, Buffy started moving against him and her Watcher took his cue to set a slow but steady pace as his hands explored her breasts and curves. Oh, how she writhed beneath his touch, so sensitive. Sensing she needed more, he increased the intensity of his thrusts, changing angles, trying to mark every inch of her so she wouldn't forget that it was he who would satisfy her. In a way, he was bred for it, really, but he wasn't going to go there... for long, anyway. Fuck the corny poetic love of ensouled vampires for a Slayer, he'd show her what her overlooked Watcher could do. With a wicked grin, he looked down at her as she met him stroke for stroke, grabbing his backside, encouraging him further, her breathing coming in pants now and her legs trembling with need.
They were both so very close when he pulled out completely, staring at each other, both breathing heavily with a thin sheen of sweat glistening off their bodies. The Slayer looked absolutely captivating in the low light of the room and he couldn't bear to look away. When he noticed the sudden look of confusion on her face, he gave her a mischievous smile before biting down on her neck and nibbling his way up her jaw to her ear where he whispered, "Roll over, Buffy."
Returning his grin in understanding, she did as he requested and he pulled her hips up as he positioned himself behind her. When he was satisfied with the angle, he entered her slowly at first before slamming his cock the rest of the way in, taking her hard and fast and deep.
Buffy cried out in passion, urging him on, and he leaned forward to pull her up against him, her back to his chest, both on their knees. Sucking on her neck while his hands massaged her breasts, Giles delighted in her soft moans as she reached up behind her, threading her hands through his hair, pulling him closer.
After teasing and pinching her nipples, he let his left hand trail down her tummy and down into her curls, and when his index and middle fingers found her swollen bud, she fell forward in surprise, groaning and grinding harder against him.
Leaning over her, he continued to stroke her clit while he pounded into her, her muscles clenching around his engorged shaft.
"So close... come with me, Buffy," he growled, his voice primal with need.
As though she had been holding on for him, she immediately let go, screaming incoherent nonsense as she came, shuddering around him, and he quickly followed her lead as he emptied himself deep within her.
They collapsed into the bed, still gasping for breath, and Giles rolled them onto their sides as he wrapped his arms around her, still trembling at the aftereffects of his orgasm. Lying with her back against his chest, Buffy hugged his arms against her stomach, returning his embrace.
"You alright?" she asked quietly.
"Very much so," he answered, placing a kiss on her shoulder. "You?"
"Yeah, definitely," she managed through a yawn.
Giles smiled with some pride, but inwardly, he knew something was amiss. A heartbeat later he was able to identify it, and he choked back his emotions as he buried his face into her hair.
XxXxXxXx
Giles woke up with his Slayer tucked in closely to him, her right arm wrapped tightly around his waist, and her leg draped over his. Before he could get his bearings or think about the awkward predicament they were now in, he felt her hand move to his chest.
"You're awake," Buffy said casually, looking up at him while she traced a nondescript pattern in his chest hair.
"Yes," he replied, placing his hand over hers to still it. "Good morning. Been up long?"
"A bit." Lacing her fingers with his, she bit her lip before stating, "We need to talk."
His muscles tensed. He wasn't ready to have this discussion, he'd just woken up after spending the night making love to the one person who had defined his world in one way or another since he was ten-years-old, and whether he cared to admit it to himself or anyone else, he had gone and fallen in love with her. Maybe he had been in love with her for a while, he wasn't sure, but he couldn't escape the fact that he absolutely knew it now. That he felt it to his very soul.
Looking down at their entwined hands, Giles drew in a breath and said, "Of course." He directed his gaze at her and then towards the bathroom, giving her a shy smile. "I... uh, I need a moment."
"Yeah, okay," she responded, shifting her position to let him up.
As he sat up and swung his legs over the bed, he wished he had a pair of shorts close by, suddenly feeling very exposed and vulnerable. There wasn't anything for it, so he stood up and made his way to the bathroom.
"Giles," Buffy called after him, her mood playful. The naked Watcher looked back at her over his shoulder. "Nice ass." He blushed and closed the door behind him.
Having taken care of his immediate need, he stood before the mirror and placed his palms on the vanity as he leaned in. Sighing, he took a good look at himself in the mirror, shaking his head. He turned on the water, letting it run for a moment before washing his hands and splashing water on his face. Deciding he needed a few moments more to himself, he reached for his toothbrush, wet the bristles, and applied the toothpaste.
As he started to brush his teeth, his mind wandered back to the beautiful woman he'd left in his bed. He wasn't quite sure what to think. When she'd come to him, he'd assumed it was out of need and he'd really been the only available male in their party. Xander had gone off by himself to grieve for Anya, and he couldn't see Buffy entertaining the thought of even talking to Andrew for more than a few seconds, much less anything else.
Taking a moment, he thought of the two times he'd brought her to orgasm before they fell asleep in each other's arms and gave himself a congratulatory smirk for managing to alleviate the Slayer ache in her. He knew her previous lovers hadn't been able to do so after overhearing a recent conversation Buffy had had with Willow one evening on patrol. Angel had been her first and like most first encounters had been sweet, awkward, and a touch painful. The rogue Parker was only concerned about himself. Riley had a limited "vocabulary" when it came to sex and while Buffy wanted to explore more with him, he wasn't willing to move beyond his comfort zone. And as for Spike... well, it had been more about punishment than satisfaction before he'd disappeared. The Watcher wasn't quite sure what had transpired between Buffy and the demon menace recently, but he definitely knew he didn't want to think about it.
What he did want to think about, however, was when she had woken up in the middle of the night, caressing his face and lightly running her fingers through his hair. He'd kept his breathing steady, enjoying her touch, trying to ignore the feelings she was stirring in him until she placed a soft kiss on his lips. At that point he'd opened his eyes and found himself staring into her beautiful dark green ones.
"Hi," she'd breathed, a look of wonder adorning her beautiful face.
"Hi," he'd whispered back before she'd gently brushed her lips against his again.
And unlike their earlier encounter, they'd begun to make love very slowly and tenderly. The urgency gone, they were free to linger and explore, finding joy and comfort in one another. He remembered the almost constant eye contact between them, the elation he felt at watching her come and hearing his name escape her lips, and how she had swallowed his scream with the most passionate kiss he'd ever experienced as he tumbled over the edge. But most of all, he remembered the light touches and little looks between them before they fell asleep, content and locked in each other's embrace.
What could it all mean? He spit into the sink and cleaned off his toothbrush before rinsing his mouth. It had been something akin to bliss being with her, but never had he felt quite so betrayed by his emotions. It was one thing to love her, because he did. He wouldn't have been willing to give his life for her had he not. Hell, he never would've done what he had done last night if he had not. But it was quite something else to fall in love with her, especially when what she had been after was something he felt he could give her without all this emotional baggage. He shook his head ruefully. Whatever happened to 'plunge and move on,' Ripper?
And what of that last time? She'd been so... He stopped himself. Comfort and security, perhaps. Figuring he had taken enough time to compose his thoughts, he decided to let her take the lead. In the end it was better that way, especially if they were going to salvage what was left of their tattered friendship. Tossing his toothbrush in the cup, he wiped his face on the hand towel and stared at his glasses that were still sitting on the sink from the night before. Opting to leave them there, he pulled on the hotel robe that hung on the door before opening it to face his Slayer.
He found her sitting on his bed, but now wearing a grey t-shirt. She looked up at him when he came through the door trying to appear calm, but she wore a nervous smile and fidgeted with her fingers, and, with a heavy heart, he knew then that he had to spare her the embarrassment of sleeping with her Watcher. It was, after all, nothing more than he'd expected.
He sat back down on his side of the bed, ran a hand along the back of his neck, and took a deep breath, "Buffy, I wanted-"
"Giles, do you-" she started at the same time.
They both stopped, not wanting to talk over the other, and it was quiet for a long time before Buffy let out a sigh and said, "One of us should say something. You go first."
Giles stood up, wishing to hell he had on more than just the robe now. He walked over to the nondescript hotel desk and drew his left index finger back and forth along the surface, gathering his thoughts.
"Last night... was incredible," he started, still looking at the desk. "But-"
"No buts, Giles. No more walls, just say what you feel, okay? We've been through way too much together."
He stared at her, the proverbial deer in the headlights. How was he going to do this? Running a hand through his already tousled hair, he said, "I don't...I don't want the fact that we've..." He fought his emotions and rising doubt as he tried to form the words. "slept together to affect our relationship."
Buffy drew a deep breath and quickly looked away, her shoulders slumping as she took in his words. Slowly she raised her head to look him in the eye, swallowing before she asked, "What relationship, Giles? We haven't had one in... well, since before I died. Not really, anyway." Her words weren't angry, only tinged with sadness.
It was true. Whenever they found equal footing, something would come to knock them down. It was a pattern he couldn't take anymore. Walking back over to the bed, he sat down beside her and took her hand in his before lifting his eyes to meet hers.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I am so sorry for my part in all that. I want us to be..." lovers, friends, partners... "to have a partnership and I fear that maybe now, after... it might be... awkward."
"It doesn't have to be," she answered, raising her free hand to stroke his cheek.
Pulling away from her touch and looking past her, he dug deep into his reserves, trying to find something, anything to create some distance. It wasn't difficult, she'd only spent most of the past several months with Spike, confiding in him, trusting in him, and how he hated that fact even more now than he had then because that demon had... touched her. Had meant something to her.
Sighing heavily, Giles began, "Buffy, you've just lost your lover and I can't-"
She stood up quickly, pacing the floor. Her t-shirt didn't cover her belly-button and she wore a pair of black cotton briefs, nothing showy. "No! No, Giles, not a lover. He was never that, not even then... I lost a friend. I never felt for him the way I felt-"
"About Angel," he finished, hating to bring up the other vampire.
"Okay," she conceded, crouching before him. "But what I was going to say was the way I felt and feel about you."
Reeling, Giles moved back on the bed further away from her. "Don't mistake a night of... comfort," he began, fighting for the words as he gestured towards her. "A-and need for more. It's not fair to either of us."
The look of hurt in her expressive eyes was unmistakable, and he wished he had been a bit more delicate. She rose quickly, her body tense, as if getting ready for battle.
"Goddammit, Giles! You think I can't control my hormones? Th-that you were just a convenience to sate the primal Slayer in me after a particularly bad day?" she spat, her anger and indignation taking over. "I have news for you. If it was just about calming the excess energy, I would've taken care of it myself. I've been doing just that for a year and a half now, thank you very much!"
"Buffy-"
"No! And what does that make you then, since you so readily took advantage of my situation?" She curled her middle and forefingers as she stressed the last word, putting it in quotations.
Giles jumped up, his anger seething, and stormed over to her, getting in her space. "Don't imply that I am some sort of... creepy... pervert! You came to me, invaded my space, beggedfor me to touch you," he ranted, though he never raised his voice.
She turned from him as her tears started to fall. "I know," she replied meekly, a hitch in her voice.
He noticed her defeated posture and the slight tremble in her shoulders indicating her distress and he immediately regretted his outburst. Reaching out, he put his hand on her shoulder and she turned into him, holding onto him for dear life, crying into his chest. He returned her embrace, placing his cheek on top of her head as he gently stroked her hair.
"What was I supposed to think?" he calmly asked her after she settled down. "It's as you said, there hasn't been much of a relationship between us in years."
Moving out of his embrace to look at him, she simply said, "I'm sorry," and walked back over to the bed where she sat down and folded her arms around her waist.
"I'm sorry, too."
They were quiet for several minutes, neither saying anything, Giles still standing in the middle of the room, arms across his chest, brow furrowed, while Buffy sat on the bed, withdrawn, staring off towards some point on the floor.
The Watcher was the first to break the silence, dropping his arms to his sides. "How long?" he asked softly, his facial expression gentle.
Her head snapped up. "What?"
"You said you have feelings for me. For how long?"
"Oh," Buffy managed meekly and looked away. "Not long after mom died. Riley was gone and never really an issue anyway, and then after the funeral, when Angel showed up, I realized that the fairy tale was pretty much over and that I had been hanging onto memories. You know, in love with the idea of being in love with him, but not actually in love with him. If that makes sense."
"Why didn't you-"
"Say anything?" she finished for him. "What was there to say, Giles? My mom had just died, we were working on getting things in order, then there was Glory and all the normal hellmouthy problems. On top of all that, we were just getting back on track as Slayer and Watcher and we were so in sync. Risk that? No thank you."
He was rooted to his spot, trying to wrap his mind around what she was saying, staring at her.
"When I came back, I looked for you, but you were gone. Nothing felt real or right until you walked through that door and I felt your arms around me." His eyes widened, and she let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "And then things kept spiraling and I couldn't take you with me, Giles, so I pulled away. I couldn't drag you into that abyss. You deserved more than that. I pushed you away and threw all of my responsibilities at you until you couldn't take it anymore and left."
Her tone wasn't accusatory, she just seemed resigned. "I don't blame you, you know... for leaving. I-in a way, I wanted you to. I didn't want you to see me like that and I didn't want to pull you down with me."
"You fought me when I told you I was heading back to England."
"I never thought you would leave, and it hurt like hell to know that you could just leave me. I loved you so much..." she trailed off, and then, almost under her breath she added, "Still do."
Giles closed his eyes and flexed his jaw muscles, but he was too stunned to say anything. The Slayer cleared her throat and began again.
"After you came back and fought Willow, we just kinda clicked again but you left a few days later. It sorta knocked the wind out of me, but hey, Willow, right? She needed help with controlling the magicks and who better than you? And when you didn't come back with her, I don't know, I just sorta resigned myself to the fact that I'd lost you."
He was about to interject, but she was on a roll, not even looking at him, just pouring her heart out as if she were alone, talking to herself, practicing what she might say if she ever saw him again... and maybe some time in the past, she had done just that.
"Then several weeks later you showed up on my doorstep and you were... I just wanted to jump in your arms... almost did, too, but the Potentials shot right past you and you were all business. After that, you went out to rescue other Potentials and things between us spiraled out of control fairly quickly."
His legs were a little unstable beneath him from her revelations, and, deciding it was better for him to sit, he made his way over to the bed and sat beside her.
"Why now?" he asked, looking down at his hands.
The Slayer shrugged, "When I was stuck in the hole in the cemetery with Dawn after Willow tried to destroy the word, I realized I wanted to live, but standing on the mouth of hell fighting the army of the First, I realized that I really hadn't been doing that. I want to live life. Really live it, and for that to happen, I need you to be a part of my life. You are what's been missing."
Taking a moment to compose her thoughts, she turned to him and their eyes met. Giles was mesmerized, and before he could look away, she continued her thought, "So much could've gone wrong... almost did... I could've lost you... I was run through... and the thought of those things... I just wanted you to know... how I feel. It wasn't my plan to come over and seduce you, Giles. I... I just wanted to talk. I did knock, but when you didn't answer, a small part of me panicked. I thought maybe you'd left or something, so I let myself in and you were in the shower and... well..."
"Yes... well. You have to understand that for me, this... is all rather sudden," Giles said as he stood up again, trying to put some space between him and his Slayer, not trusting his emotions to see him through this discussion. "I was under the impression that you... had handed me my walking papers and never wanted to see me again."
"Giles, no!" she protested and started to sob. It was one of the most heart wrenching sounds the Watcher had ever heard, and he wanted to go to her, but when he started, she motioned for him to stop.
"You must think I am such a bitch," the miserable blonde managed around her tears, turning from him.
"No!" Giles answered quickly before making his way back to the bed and wrapping her in his arms. They sat quietly as she sobbed into his chest, and he rested his cheek on the top of her head, stroking her hair, periodically moving to place a kiss where his cheek had rested.
When Buffy had cried herself out, Giles handed her a tissue from the side table next to the bed and she wiped the tears from her eyes and blew her nose.
She looked up at him, the tone in her voice resigned and tired, "I must look a mess."
"Still lovely as ever," he said gently, brushing away the last errant tear from her cheek with his thumb, cradling her head in his hand.
Leaning into it, the distressed Slayer closed her eyes and let out a cautious but contented sigh.
"Buffy, I... when you came to me last night... you have to understand... you've never given me any indication that your feelings for me have been anything but those of a friend at most." Giles began, trying to find the words.
"I know."
"And I couldn't let myself believe that it was anything more than a night of passion and comfort, even after I realized that my feelings for you ran deeper than I had originally thought." His shoulders slumped a little and he took a deep breath. It wasn't an easy conversation to have, but he needed her to understand his perspective. "You were so passionate... already so... aroused. I-I felt it had nothing to do with me."
Buffy moved out of his embrace and was about to protest when Giles grimaced and shook his head slightly. "And... somehow, in my mind, because it was purely physical, I made the decision to give you what I thought you needed, hoping we could still salvage something from our fractured relationship afterward. It wasn't noble or honorable. That would've been throwing you out of my shower and talking it out, but it just seemed so simple at the time... I-I promise you, it was all about you, Buffy, about wanting to take care of you... until it wasn't," he explained, sighing in resignation. "I felt the pieces click when you called my name the first time, but I couldn't recognize what it was at that moment. I should've put a stop to all of it the last time. It was then that I... took advantage-"
"Are you... in love with me?" she asked tentatively, searching his pale green eyes.
Unable to glance away, he whispered his confession, "God, yes!"
"Oh, thank god!" Buffy exclaimed with relief, hugging him tightly. She then looked up at him in confusion and asked, "So, why are you trying to let me down easy?"
"I-I rather thought it's what you wanted," Giles stammered.
"What?" the incredulous Slayer questioned.
"I didn't know what you... you looked so uncomfortable sitting there when I returned from the bathroom."
"Of course I was uncomfortable, Giles. Do you know of anyone who wouldn't be after they spent the night in the arms of the person they loved, not exactly knowing how that person felt about them?"
He twitched his lips in a chagrined smile. "When I saw you there, I just... you didn't need to be burdened with my feelings. With the Hellmouth closed and the activation of the new Slayers, there's a whole world opened up to you now. You should take some time to explore, find someone more suitable than-"
"And still, after all this time, you sacrifice what you want for me. When are you going to fight for what you want?" she asked him, taking his hand in hers.
A tear hung from his left eye for a split second, illuminating the brown patch in the artificial light before it escaped, skimming down his cheek. "It doesn't matter what I want. I've disappointed you time and again, failed to protect you, failed to keep you alive-"
"Oh, Giles!" she interrupted, on the verge of crying again. Leaning in, she lightly brushed her lips against his, taking a little more when she felt him respond. When she ended the kiss she asked, "Don't you see it yet? It's because of you that I've lived so long in the first place. And when I died, both times, it was on my terms. It wasn't because I was careless or bested in a fight. It was because I chose to save the world. How many Slayers can say that? You trained me, gave me the confidence I needed, and supported me when others would have given up. I could never have done any of this without you."
"Thank you," he murmured, bringing her hand up to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on her knuckles and rubbing his lips and cheek along them.
"Besides, I think I've done my fair share of disappointing you over the years. My entire freshman year at college comes to mind."
They both let out a little chuckle.
"Not the entire year, just the majority," he corrected, teasing her lightly. Running a hand through her silky blonde hair, he added, "I've always been immensely proud of you."
"So... the world is full of possibilities now," Buffy started conversationally.
"Yes."
"Do you think it would be possible to explore what that might mean for us?" she asked as she placed a kiss on his strong neck. "Together?" she continued, kissing up to the spot just behind the jawbone. "Watcher, Slayer?" She scraped her teeth along his earlobe, and whispered, "Man, woman?" Then she returned to face him, nuzzling her nose against his. "Giles and Buffy?" She punctuated her last question as her mouth plundered his.
He groaned as her tongue danced with his, one kiss turning into many little ones, hands groping and reaching before he quickly put an end to their activities and pulled away.
"I have one request, Buffy," he said apologetically.
"What is it?" she asked him with a hint of trepidation.
He took a deep breath to steady his nerves, but he found himself stammering. "C-could perhaps my one girl in all the world, my Chosen One, hang up her scythe? I-I in no way intend for us to abandon the new crop of Slayers, I-I just..."
She smiled at him, her eyes bright. Somewhere beneath the confident, experienced, evil fighting, duster wearing exterior, he still was a bit shy and rather tweedy after all. "Consider it done, Watcher-mine."
He returned her smile with a predatory one as he playfully pushed her back down onto the bed, murmuring, "I will concede, however, to ignore the new Slayers and the rest of our party until sometime in the foreseeable future."