The Experiment
2371
"I really wish you hadn't signed up," Gretchen said as she placed a cup of freshly brewed coffee before her daughter. "I know it's an honor to have been selected, but you've only just got engaged and who knows how long you'll be away."
"A few weeks," Kathryn answered. "It won't be longer than that. I'll be home before you know it."
"But what if it's longer than a few weeks? You said this experiment could last up to ten years."
"That's what I was told, but they'll never set us a challenge that long. My guess is three months tops. They're just saying it could be longer to cover themselves for all eventualities." She took a sip of her coffee. "If it makes you feel any better, I spoke to Admiral Hayes before signing, and he hinted unofficially that all this experiment will involve is a mission to capture a Maquis ship. How long can that take?"
"It sounds dangerous," Gretchen said in concern. Tears unexpectedly filled her eyes and she turned to the window. "You promised...after the accident... that you'd only go on exploration vessels...nothing dangerous."
At her mother's pain, Kathryn reached out and took the aging woman's hand in hers. "As far as missions go, this is as safe as they come. The Maquis are no match for Starfleet. We'll capture a lone crew no trouble. I've even got ideas how to go about it already. Nothing will happen to me."
"I just don't understand why you have this need to push yourself all the time," Gretchen said, turning back to her daughter. "You have everything you could possibly want...a career that you've always dreamed of and a fiancé who loves you. Why risk it all? Why not let someone else partake in this experiment?"
"Because I want to do it," Kathryn answered. "I love being challenged. I love being pushed to my limit. And now is the time to embrace all the challenges I can. Once I'm married, once Mark and I start a family, I can't be jetting off as I like. I want to make the best of this time, want to make the most of every opportunity that comes my way. Surely you can understand that."
Gretchen nodded. "I just worry about my little girl."
Kathryn squeezed her mother's hand. "There's no need. She's more than capable of looking after herself."
THREE DAYS LATER
"As you may have heard informally," Admiral James Karter said to Kathryn from behind his desk, "your mission is to capture a Maquis crew. You'll be receiving all the information you need shortly on this crew, aswell as details on all applicants for your own crew. Even though this is an experimental exercise, we want it to reflect reality as much as possible, so you're expected to select the majority of your crew members. The pool will be limited, of course, to those who have agreed to participate in the experiment, but as there are over two hundred, it's still going to be a judgment call on your behalf." He paused. "If you have any questions, now is the time to ask. Once you leave this room, we won't be mentioning the experiment again until it's over."
"I do have a couple of questions," Kathryn replied. "First, how will you be monitoring us, and secondly, what exactly are you hoping to observe?"
"The second I can't answer," the Admiral informed her. "We need to keep you totally in the dark if we are to observe you as naturally as possible. The first, however, I can answer. You will be observed in a number of ways. Firstly, by under-cover observers who will make observation notes, secondly your logs will be used in analysis, so please make them regularly, and thirdly we will be monitoring your activities as closely as possible. The observers will all be trained Starfleet Officers, and must not, at any time, reveal themselves to you. Likewise, you must not, at any time, request that they do so."
"Understood," Kathryn replied.
"Although you have signed a legally binding contract, you have until Friday to opt out if you wish. After that, as stated in the contract, you may opt out at any time if you feel you can't go on, but we urge you not to make that decision lightly as it would be very disruptive to the experiment."
"Understood," Kathryn said again.
"I somehow doubt we need to worry about you changing your mind," he said warmly, "but I was instructed to remind you of your options. No experiment of this nature has ever been conducted and we needed someone we could be sure would deliver. You were highly recommended in many quarters, and I know you won't let us down."
"I'll certainly give it my all," Kathryn replied. "And am looking forward to the challenge."
The man smiled, got to his feet, and then held out his hand. "I wish you the very best of luck."
Kathryn took his hand and shook it with a smile. "Thank you, Sir."
THREE MONTHS LATER
Lying in her bed, unable to sleep, Kathryn stared at a dark ceiling. It had been a terrible day...a terrible few days... and her mind was a pit of exhausted confusion. Had she done the right thing in destroying the array and stranding Voyager over 70,000 light years from Earth? What was she thinking of when she made that decision? Why did she make it alone? Why didn't she call a meeting of the senior staff and see if there was an alternative way of getting the crew home and saving the Ocampa? Why had she acted so impulsively? How were they going to survive in unknown, uncharted, space? Should she have allowed Tuvok to configure the array to send the crew home and then stayed behind to destroy the array by herself? Had she done the wrong thing? Had she sentenced everyone on board to a living death?
Disturbed by that thought, Kathryn turned over and tried to push all her doubts out of her mind. The Ocampa were out of danger now because of the decision she had made. A whole civilization was alive and thriving because of her. She had done the right thing, she had to believe that. And she had to believe that they would get home...somehow, some way, they would get home, and they would get home soon. All it would take is a wormhole, transwarp technology or an advanced species who could help them. There was no way she was accepting it would take seventy years to get home. She wasn't even going to accept seventeen...not even seven. The most she would accept was a year or two.
A year or two.
At that thought, Kathryn sat up, her heart thumping madly. Were they really in the Delta Quadrant or was this all part of the experiment? Was everything real or some kind of holographic illusion? It was not impossible. In fact, it was very possible. A mission to capture a Maquis ship seemed too easy, too ordinary... Had it all simply been a disguise for the real experiment - to see how a lone crew would cope stranded in a distant part of the galaxy? To see if they would sacrifice their own way home to save a race of strangers? It was very possible, even very likely. But achievable? How could Starfleet create the illusion without confining them all to a holographic environment? To the best of her knowledge and awareness, she had not entered a holographic environment recently and felt sure that she was in real space. The experiment had simply gone wrong. Instead of completing her mission and recovering Tuvok with the Maquis ship, they had been swept to the other side of the galaxy by the Caretaker.
Too many thoughts and conflicts swimming around her mind now, Kathryn got out of bed and put on her dressing gown. It had not occurred to her until now that this could all be part of the experiment, in fact, she had quite forgotten about the experiment, but now that it had occurred to her, she had to decide how to deal with it. Even though no one on board talked about the experiment, they must have been thinking and wondering about it too. Should she make an announcement of some kind informing everyone that they could talk of the experiment now that it had been abruptly interrupted? It seemed a kind thing to do, but if this was all part of the test, it would ruin everything.
As Kathryn walked towards the replicator to replicate a hot chocolate, it suddenly occurred to her that the observers would know. They had to. How could they observe a situation if they didn't know what they were supposed to be observing? If this was all part of the experiment, they would know. But she had no idea who the observers were... or even if they were still alive, as several crew members had died when the ship was pulled from the Alpha Quadrant. If they were still alive, and this was all part of the experiment, she would be ruining it by trying to find out.
Lifting a cup of creamy hot chocolate, Kathryn took a sip, closed her eyes, and made a decision she would stick too no matter how hard things got: unless an observer came to her and revealed him or herself, she would not mention the experiment. Whether this was, or was not, part of the experiment, was an uncertainty she was just going to have to live with.
SEVEN YEARS LATER
After seven years in the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn could still not believe they had actually made it home, even though she was disembarking the ship to the heartfelt cheers of the crowd. As captain, she was the last to leave, preceded by Chakotay and Seven, and as soon as she reached the ground, her mother, accompanied by Phoebe, emerged from the crowd and embraced her.
"Welcome back," Gretchen said. "We've missed you so much..."
Tearfully, Kathryn embraced her mother, hoping with all her heart that this was real and not just a dream.
"Aunt Martha's here too," Gretchen said as Kathryn embraced Pheobe, "waiting inside with Uncle Bob. They can't wait to see you."
Kathryn was about to answer when suddenly all light extinguished. A collective gasp filled the air and Kathryn instinctively drew away from her sister to try and assess what was going on. Before she knew it, however, light flooded down on them, banishing the darkness. Another collective gasp escaped the lips of the crew when they saw that they were no longer at the foot of their beloved ship, but standing in a gigantic holo-zone. Then, unexpectedly, fireworks filled the air and a loud male voice boomed: "Congratulations for successfully completing the experiment."
At this there were more gasps and Kathryn could hardly think, hardly breathe... Over the years she had thought less and less about 'the experiment' until she had barely thought about it at all. While she could never forget about it entirely, could never discard the possibility that everything was illusionary, every part of her had believed they really were in the Delta Quadrant. But they had evidently been in a holo-zone all along. The implications of that she couldn't even begin to comprehend. The stunned silence of the crew turned to excited chatter and laughter, but Kathryn couldn't share their amusement. In fact, she had turned so pale that her mother questioned her in concern.
"Are you alright, Kathryn?"
"Yes," Kathryn said quietly, "Yes, I..." She paused and then questioned, still not believing what was happening. "This was really all just part of the experiment?"
It was Admiral Paris, not her mother, who answered. "That's right, Kathryn."
Kathryn was still as white as a sheet and the Admiral put his hand on her shoulder. "You did well, Kathryn. We have all been amazed by not only your brilliance but your dedication to the crew. We didn't tell you the exact nature of the experiment because we wanted this experience to be as real as we could possibly make it."
"Well," Kathryn said, her mind beginning to work again, "you certainly succeeded." She then paused painfully. "But just how much of it was real?" If the ship was a holographic projection, could some of the people be too? People she had come to care about, even love?
"You will all be told tomorrow, individually, what was real and what was not," he answered.
"Just one thing," Kathryn asked hesitantly. "Chakotay..."
"Yes," her old mentor smiled, "he was real."
A wave of infinite relief swept over Kathryn at that, but another person immediately came to mind. "And Seven?"
The brightness in the Admiral's eyes dulled momentarily and he evaded answering. "That would be two things," he tried to tease. "You can find out everything you want to tomorrow. As for tonight, we have a party beyond your wildest dreams waiting for you, so let's get ready to celebrate the night away."
Attending a party was the last thing Kathryn felt like doing until she had all the answers to all the questions floating through her mind, but it was abundantly clear that she was just going to have to wait for her answers and make the most of the celebrations. After seven years of uncertainty, how hard could one more night be? She suspected excruciatingly difficult.
When the party was over, Kathryn sat alone on the balcony of her hotel room and gazed out at a beautiful San Francisco skyline. In the darkness of mid-night, the city lights glittered like drops of rainbow against black velvet, and overhead a pearl moon gleamed. It was so good to be home, even if she had never really left. Never again would she take her home-planet for granted or the people she loved who lived on it. The party had not been as bad as she had believed it would be, in fact she had enjoyed it a lot more than she had expected too. Almost everyone who had ever been a part of the Voyager journey was present, including those she had thought had died along the way such as Lindsay Ballard and Joe Carey. How good it was to see them all alive, well and happy Kathryn could never have described in words. Every death on Voyager had cut deep into her heart, but tonight those jagged wounds had started to heal. Yet, as she looked up at the sky now, looking beyond the stars to space unknown, a part of her couldn't help wish that they had all really been in the Delta Quadrant. Why she thought that, when she had spent the past seven years thinking of nothing but getting the crew home, she didn't know, but she could not deny that a part of her harbored the longing. And yet, in a way, it had all been real. The setting may have been illusionary, but the experiences, the friendships, the joys and the heartaches, had all been real. A true bonding had taken place over the past seven years between people who had hitherto been no more than strangers to each other. She had seen that tonight at the party. People who had once not even known each others names, were now the best of friends.
There were still so many questions racing around Kathryn's head, however. Even though Admiral Paris had assured her that Chakotay had been real, she still couldn't shake the feeling that he was not all she had believed him to be. If everything that had happened over the past seven years had been no more than a holographic illusion, how could the Maquis be real? They could not be real, they could not be more than holographic projections. But if Chakotay was real, as she was told he was, how could they not be real? And then there was Seven...Seven. She hardly dared think about Seven. If they had never really been to the Delta Quadrant, how could they have rescued a drone from the Collective? The answer was painfully clear. They had not. What then was Seven? An actress? An observer? And what of Neelix, Kes, Icheb, Jaffen, Kashyk, and everyone else they had met along the way? Were they holograms, actors or observers too? It was all too much to take in, too much to even think about, and yet Kathryn could not escape thinking about it, especially about Seven...especially about Seven and Chakotay. She had learned at the party that they were a couple and the pain had been unbearable. Even though Chakotay was evidently not what he seemed, even though she had fought tooth and nail not to fall in love with him, she did love him, deeply, and the thought of him being with someone else hurt profoundly. It seemed as though she was destined to lose every man she had ever loved...Justin, Mark, Chakotay... Mark had a child now, she had learned, a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. While starfleet had, by the consent of family and friends, modified all personal letters to be consistent with the experiment, they had not interfered with personal relationships. In her absence, Mark had met, and fallen in love, with someone else. She could not blame him, especially when she had found herself attracted to Chakotay, despite her best efforts to the contrary, but it still hurt that he had given up on her so soon.
Closing her eyes, Kathryn lay her head back against her chair and let the questions, the doubts, the conflicts and the hurts in her mind and heart rage against each other until they were such an indecipherable din that they bothered her no more than the background sound of engines on a shuttle. Leaning her head against a wicker wing, she slowly drifted to another plain of consciousness and then to sleep.
"Tea, coffee?" Admiral Joan Panrak asked as Kathryn sat down on a comfortable beige couch in her state of the art office.
"Coffee," Kathryn answered. "Black. No sugar."
The dark-haired, dark-eyed, admiral replicated two cups of black coffee, and then made her way over to the couch, talking as she did. "I like your taste in coffee," she said, "a sure sign that we're going to get on like a house on fire."
Kathryn took the offered cup, but barely managed a smile in return. The Admiral noted her reaction and sat beside her. "It must have been difficult," she said kindly, "not knowing what was real and what was not."
"It still is," Kathryn said, looking her superior in the eye. "I don't mean to be rude, but I'd appreciate it if we could quit the small talk and get to the nitty gritty."
"I understand," the Admiral replied. "And I think the best way of beginning this is for you to ask me what you want to know the most."
"The Maquis," Kathryn answered. "If everything we...the Starfleet crew...experienced was no more than a holographic illusion, it seems to me that the Maquis had to be holograms."
"You're right," the Admiral said. "They were almost all holograms, Chakotay, Sonya, Markov, Darkontrin and Jarell excepted."
Kathryn lowered her eyes and gazed into the black liquid in her cup. "I see." After a painful pause, she spoke again. "What was Chakotay? An actor, observer?"
"An observer and a genuine Maquis warrior," the Admiral clarified. "He and his crew were captured in the Badlands several months before the experiment began and, after standing trial, were imprisoned in New Zealand. Chakotay was sentenced to five years imprisonment, but there were a lot in Starfleet Command who sympathized with him, so when this experiment was brought to the table, it was decided to offer him a role as an observer in place of his custodial sentence. He accepted and was fully educated on the nature and purpose of the experiment. The same offer was made to other members of his crew who had, before the abandonment of their homeworlds, been dedicated, well-respected officers. The rest of his crew were offered a reduced sentence if they agreed to be represented in the experiment by a hologram. We believed it would be easier for Chakotay and the other Maquis observers if their own crew and ship were part of the simulation."
At this, a light shone in Kathryn's eyes. "So B'Elanna is real? Ayala and the others too?"
The woman nodded. "In fact, so is Miral Paris. When we saw that Tom Paris was becoming emotionally attached to the B'Elanna character, we withdrew him from the experiment and replaced him with a hologram. This was four years ago. B'Elanna had just been released from prison and Tom looked her up. They were married two years ago and Miral was born six months ago."
This news warmed Kathryn's heart to the core, but then a chill filled it again as another Voyager baby came to mind. "What about Naomi?"
"A hologram," the Admiral informed her plainly. "As was her mother."
Kathryn lowered her eyes again, struggling to take this in. "And...Seven?"
"A hologram too," the woman answered. "Neelix, Kes and everyone else you met in the Delta Quadrant, including Q. Most of your own crew were real people, but there were some holograms too."
Neelix, Kes, and the other Delta Quadrant residents, Kathryn had more or less concluded were holograms, but Seven? "How can that be?" she asked. "Seven, I mean. She was at the party last night..."
"There were holo-projectors in the room. We didn't feel it would be appropriate to reveal her as a hologram last night, for many reasons."
"I see," Kathryn said quietly. Suddenly, unexpectedly, tears filled her eyes and a stubborn one ran down her cheek. "I'm sorry," she said, wiping it away. "I just..."
"I know," the Admiral sympathized. "This must be a lot to take in...especially regarding Neelix and Seven. I know you came to care for them."
"I did," Kathryn replied. "And it's so hard to believe they were just holograms...that everything we experienced was just a holographic illusion." She paused. "I always knew there was a possibility we were still in the experiment, and I did sign up for the unknown, but every part of me thought that it was real...that we were really stranded in the Delta Quadrant." She paused again. "I became very attached to my crew, Starfleet and Maquis alike, and to find out they're not what they..." Before she could finish, a confusing thought came to her mind and she frowned. "Chakotay..." she said, the word more of a question than a statement.
"What about him," the Admiral asked. "You say he was an observer, so how come he didn't know that Seven was just a hologram? He and her are..." she couldn't bring herself to say the words 'a couple', "and they wouldn't be, not if he knew..."
"Chakotay was withdrawn from the experiment five months ago," Admiral Panrak answered. "Because of the complexity of the program and the semi-safety-protocols we had in place...just enough to prevent death but not enough to prevent injury...we often experienced problems. Sometimes the safeties went offline completely, but we were able to compensate for that by altering the program to make sure no one was in a life-threatening situation at that point, but unfortunately they went off during one of the many battles you had with a hostile species, and Chakotay suffered a serious head-injury. We withdrew him from the experiment, along with a couple of other officers who were injured, and replaced him and them with a hologram. As you and he had developed a very close relationship, we felt we should begin to distance him from you incase you noticed differences. It was always a concern to us that someone would get too attached to Seven, and so we decided to kill two birds with one stone and build an attraction between her and Chakotay. If you hadn't of gone along with Admiral Janeway's plan, then you would have been in the simulation for another twelve months or more, when we would have forced the experiment to a conclusion by a convenient wormhole." She paused. "The Chakotay at the party was thus also a hologram."
Kathryn's concern over what was real and what was not faded now as concern for the man she loved consumed her. "Is he ok...Chakotay?"
"He will be," Admiral Panrak replied. "He was in a coma for over three weeks and suffered some physical impairment, but after intensive treatment and physiotherapy, he's made excellent progress." She took a sip of her coffee. "We would have invited him to the party, but we felt his presence would complicate things.. not only because he'd been withdrawn from the experiment, but because of his role in it." She paused. "He's currently recuperating in the Austrian Alps and would like to see you, if you'd like to see him."
"I would," Kathryn answered.
The Admiral smiled. "Then I'll get his address for you."
A WEEK LATER
A cool fresh air greeted Kathryn as she materialized outside a luxurious log cabin that was Chakotay's present residence. The view from her standing point was magnificent...lush green hills rolling into black snow capped mountains...and for a long moment Kathryn gazed at it, indulging herself in the vision of the beautiful landscape. She then turned towards the cabin, located the door, and walked towards it. To the right of the door was a door-bell, but Kathryn hesitated before pressing it. If Chakotay was in, and she had no idea whether he was or not, she would have to face him, and she was not sure she was ready to. For over a week, she had tried to summon the strength to call him, but every time she had tried, her courage had failed her. In the end, she had decided to bite the bullet and pay him a visit. Why she was so afraid of seeing him, when every part of her ached to do so, she didn't know, but she was afraid. Perhaps because what had always been certain in their relationship was now so uncertain. Had their friendship, their comradeship, been real on Voyager, or had it been pretend? Had he just been feigning friendship to get close to her and make better observations of her behavior? Did he care for her at all? Her heart told her that he did, but in her head were a legion of doubts. So many things that she had believed to be true had turned out to be no more than illusion. Taking a deep breath, Kathryn pressed the doorbell and then stepped back, waiting for whatever fate had in store.
After what felt like an eternity, the door opened and Chakotay appeared. He was wearing a brown sweater over beige pants and his hair was shorter than when she had last seen him and speckled with silver. He had lost some weight too, but still looked well.
"Kathryn," he said in surprise, his tone both welcoming and apprehensive.
"I got your message," she replied. "And, well, here I am."
"And I'm glad of it," Chakotay smiled, relaxing a bit now. "Please, come in."
Kathryn stepped into the cabin and found herself in a quaint, cozy living room with a small fire burning in the hearth. Beside the fire, sitting on a pine sofa-chair was a woman that Kathryn recognized immediately. B'Elanna. Kathryn's instinct was to greet the woman, but she remembered just in time that to this B'Elanna she was no more than a stranger. Fortunately, Chakotay broke the ice. "This is the real B'Elanna," he said warmly, "and her daughter, Miral Paris. As I'm sure you know by now, she and Tom got together in real life."
"He hunted me down," B'Elanna smiled, "said he thought my hologram was pretty cool, which had to mean the genuine article was pretty hot. With a chat up line like that, how could a girl refuse?"
Kathryn laughed softly, and Chakotay introduced her to B'Elanna. "As I'm sure you've figured," he said to the half-Klingon, "this is Captain Kathryn Janeway."
"I'm really pleased to meet you, Captain," B'Elanna said, getting to her feet. "I've heard a lot about you."
"I'm pleased to meet you too," Kathryn said sincerely.
"I heard you both kicked and saved my butt on Voyager," B'Elanna teased, "so I guess I owe you." She then turned serious. "But this must be really strange for you...I mean, you must feel like you know me."
"I do," Kathryn admitted. "It's all very strange."
"Well, I'd like to get to know you," B'Elanna smiled. "How would you like to join Tom and I for dinner on Friday?"
"I'd love to," Kathryn answered, "thank you."
"Then Friday it is," B'Elanna resolved. "Now, I'd better be getting home."
"Please," Kathryn urged, "don't leave on my account."
"Oh, I'm sure you and Chakotay have a lot to talk about and don't need me getting in the way. Besides, I have to give this little terror her lunch." Without waiting for a response, she turned to Chakotay. "You take it easy, big guy. Don't be over doing things."
"I won't," Chakotay promised.
B'Elanna then turned back to Kathryn. "See you on Friday. 19:00 hours at the Glen Eagle?"
"I'll be there," Kathryn smiled.
B'Elanna smiled in return, requested a civil transport, and then disappeared.
When she was gone, Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other in both awe and awkwardness. "So," Kathryn said at last, "how are you? I believe you've been quite..." she searched for the right word but didn't seem to find it, "poorly."
Chakotay nodded. "When I woke up from the coma I could hardly do anything for myself, but I'm a lot better now. Apart from a weakness in my left leg, I'm almost back to my old self. I've been lucky. Doctors weren't sure how much mobility I would recover."
Kathryn shivered at those words. Chakotay had always been so active, so strong. The thought of him being an invalid hurt her heart.
"But that's enough about me," he said, as though his ordeal was inconsequential, "how are you?"
"I'm fine," she answered, lowering her eyes.
It was the answer Chakotay had expected, but the look on her face told him she was far from fine. Gently, he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder.
"You really thought we were in the Delta Quadrant, didn't you?"
Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded.
"I thought as much," he replied. "I didn't know, not for sure, but I suspected." He paused. "I'm sorry."
At this, Kathryn looked up at him. "What for?"
"How hurt you must be feeling...how deceived...by me."
"You've never deceived me, Chakotay," she replied. "You had a job to do and you did it. I always knew there was a chance it was all part of the experiment, I just, I just didn't think it was. I thought that we'd really been pulled across the galaxy by the Caretaker while searching for your ship." She paused. "But I had been told that the experiment could last years and to be prepared for the unexpected. It was just my arrogance that assumed it would all be over quickly and that capturing a Maquis ship was the be all and end all of the experiment." She paused again. "You have nothing to reproach yourself for, Chakotay, you did nothing wrong."
Tears filled Chakotay's eyes. "I've been so afraid," he said quietly, "afraid of losing your friendship."
"That will never happen," she said sincerely. "No one has ever been as good a friend to me as you. You're my best friend, Chakotay."
"As you are to me," he said quietly. "And I've missed you...very much."
Tears filled Kathryn's eyes now and she put her hand over his. "I'm so glad you came into my life, Chakotay. I know it's going to take time, for both of us, to adjust to life after Voyager, but there's nothing I want more than for us to be here for each other...the way we've always been. From now on we can truly be ourselves with each other...no more protocol, no more experiment, no more...parameters."
"I meant every word," he said, "that night on New Earth. Our situation may not have been real, but everything that happened between us was." He paused. "I only agreed to partake in the experiment to get out of prison. I never expected to meet someone who would come to mean so much to me."
A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "Neither did I."
"I wanted to tell you," he continued, "or at least reassure you, that everything we experienced was part of the experiment, but I couldn't. I was under strict orders not to tell you and I didn't know for sure how much you knew." He paused. "The Starfleet observers knew a lot more than me. I didn't even know which members of my own crew were real or not." He paused again. "It hurt to see you hurt so much, to stand by and let you work yourself to the bone for a mission that didn't really exist."
"It did for us," Kathryn replied. "Illusionary or not, our experiences, our friendships, our sense of family, those were real. I wouldn't change anything, Chakotay. My only regret is that you were injured.."
"I'll be ok," he said. "I wish that I'd been there until the end, but I guess everything happens for a reason." He paused. "If you've got time, I'd love to be filled in on the past five months."
Kathryn smiled. "I'm on twelve weeks leave. I have all the time you want."
Chakotay smiled happily in return and gestured to the seating area. "Then make yourself comfortable and I'll replicate a pot of coffee."
Arm in arm, Kathryn and Chakotay walked beside a glorious lake that glittered gold in the fading evening sun. They walked slowly, partly to absorb the scenic beauty around them, partly because a slight limp in Chakotay's left leg slowed them down. Kathryn had expected it to take time for her to feel as comfortable around Chakotay as she once had, but she felt more relaxed in his company now than she ever had before. It was so easy being with him, so natural. Even though she had only known him a fraction of her life, she felt as though she had known him always. She had once told him that she couldn't imagine a day without him, and that sentiment was as true now as it had been then.
"I wasn't sure about coming to see you today," Kathryn admitted, "but I'm glad I did now. I thought things between us would be different...that you'd be different, or I'd be different...but everything is the same."
"Not exactly the same, I hope," Chakotay said, stopping their stroll to look at her.
"No," Kathryn replied, "not exactly the same. Better."
Chakotay smiled at this and brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face. "I'm glad you came too," he said. "In fact, you're welcome to stay. There's plenty of room and I'd love your company."
For a moment, Kathryn made no reply, then she spoke, hoping her words would lead him in the direction her whole heart wanted to go. "Then I'll stay," she said, "providing you answer this question honestly."
"Alright," Chakotay replied.
"If we'd really been in the Delta Quadrant," she began, "and not in an experiment, is there something...anything...that you would have done differently?" She looked deep into his eyes, love and longing, unmistakable. "I mean...between us."
"There is," Chakotay replied, hoping he was reading her signals correctly.
Kathryn's voice fell to a whisper. "And what would that be?"
Slowly, gently, Chakotay closed the gap between them and lowered his lips to hers in a tender kiss.
When at last he drew away, Kathryn smiled, her eyes sparkling.
"Just the answer I was hoping for," she said.
Chakotay smiled in return, gathered her in his arms, and then kissed her again.
THE END