The Evaluation
by RGoodfellow64
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DISCLAIMER: sigh I don't own Castle. Andrew Marlow and the suits at ABC do. double sigh
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'Thank goodness this is the last day,' Kate thought as she entered the doctors' office. She never knew that the psychological tests after an injury like hers were so intense.
She was itching to get back to work; she couldn't wait to get back on the streets and felt that if she was kept out any longer she would lose her edge, that extra whatever that made her stand out from other detectives.
Prior to Castle shadowing her, Kate's closure rate was the highest in the 12th Precinct, and among the top five in the entire city. With Castle added to her team they had the highest closure rate in New York. No one came close to what they did as a team and she knew the department wanted them back.
Them back. She hoped Castle would be back with them. In the four months since she was released from the hospital, she heard from Alexis and Martha more than she had from Castle. It was strange, every single day she was in the hospital he was there with her, but after she left, hardly a peep.
He was still helping out with cases; Esposito and Ryan let her know that, but he was writing at a feverish pace according to Alexis. From what she heard he not only finished the fourth Nikki Heat book, but a fifth and was working on a sixth! He was writing at what he used to refer to as 'a Patterson rate,' and Kate was looking forward to reading the books.
Thinking of the books, she smiled as she sat down with Dr. Konrad, and calmed herself before the start of her last session. Through Lanie she had heard that so far she was two for two on her evaluations, but this last one counted for more than half.
"Good morning Detective Beckett, ready for your last session?"
"Yes I believe I am Dr. Konrad, I can't wait to get back to work."
"Then lets begin. These questions will be about personal issues…"
For the next forty five minutes Kate was drilled about her relations with Captain Montgomery, her feelings when he died, about Ryan and Esposito, Lanie and Perlemutter, and other detectives and officers in the 12th and in other precincts.
Then the questions veered to her personal relationships and Dr. Konrad had done her homework. There were questions about her mother and father, her feelings about her motherss murder and then about her boyfriends. Will Sorrenson was brought up, so was Tom Demming, and then her present relationship with Josh.
"So you have stayed with him in his apartment these past four months?" Dr. Konrad asked.
Kate smiled, "Yes, it was sweet of Josh to take off so much time."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"I know how important he is to the hospital and his patients, how much he enjoys working with Doctors Without Borders, how invaluable he is to them, and the fact he took off all this time for me makes me realize just how much he truly cares."
"How did you feel about the articles in the paper about your medical condition?"
"I was furious! Josh was angry as sin and told me he threatened to sue the paper for printing it, because they wrote where I was staying! They put my life in jeopardy!"
Dr. Konrad looked at her papers and frowned while Kate continued. "I called Castle and he said he was putting his publicist on the case and if needed would hire some private detectives to find out what happened, but I guess he didn't find anything as he never called me back."
"And how do you feel about Mr. Castle?"
Kate smiled and said, "It's…complicated."
Looking at her notes Dr. Konrad said, "It was overheard by several people that he told you he loved you when you were shot."
Kate felt uncomfortable and said, "He just said that thinking it would help make me stay with him as he was afraid I was dying."
"And did it?"
Kate looked down and quietly said, "Yes. When I woke up for the first time he was right there, and he stayed with me all the while I was in the hospital."
"So what are your feelings for Mr. Castle?"
"He's a friend, I thought a good friend and partner but now I'm not sure."
"Why not?"
"It was two weeks ago when I heard from him last, and it's less than a handful of times that he actually called me since I got out."
"Hmmm, let's get back to Dr. Davidson, what are your feelings for him?"
'He's…he's a wonderful man, caring, thoughtful, and very dedicated."
"Do you love him?"
"What? Why do you ask that?"
"You talk about things he does, you don't talk about what he is, so do you love him?"
"I…why wouldn't I love him? He operated on me and saved my life, he told me just how badly I was shot and he was the only doctor available to perform such a delicate operation. He took me into his apartment when I was released..." she paused for a moment and continued, "Even though I still have my own apartment, we are actually living together, and he took off all this time just to be with me."
Dr. Konrad frowned and looked at Kate again, "Detective, you still haven't answered if you love him, but what I am a bit confused at is why you say he saved your life and he has taken time off just to be with you. Why would you say that?"
"Why? Because it's true! Josh told me what happened when they brought me into the hospital, and he has been there every day since I was released."
Dr. Konrad looked at Kate and said, "Kate, what I am about to say may shock you. Dr. Davidson didn't take time off to be with you, he has lost his license and can no longer practice medicine in the state of New York."
"What?"
"Detective, you saved yourself when you moved slightly before the bullet struck you. It missed every major artery and made a clean exit through your lung. You moved slightly away from the podium and that is what saved your life. You were never in any real danger of dying."
"But…but Josh said…"
"Dr. Davidson took over the case and never let anyone know he was in a personal relationship with you. Hospital policy strictly forbids any doctor working on family or anyone they know personally. There were several equally, and a few more qualified doctors available, but since Dr. Davidson was there when they brought you in he did the operation."
Kate simply sat there with her mouth open, unable to say a word. She saved herself because she moved? Why did she move? Castle. He called her name and she was starting to turn to him when she was hit.
"Detective, you actually have spent more time in rehab because of Dr. Davidson. He was so upset that he made two mistakes, and Dr. Mortensen had to bring you back to surgery to repair the damage. That is why it has taken so long for you to get back to work. Under normal circumstances you would have been back already."
"But, but why? And they took his license away for that?"
"No. They took his license away due to a HIPPA violation. He was merely suspended from the hospital for a month after they found out that he was your boyfriend. His license was taken away when he sold your story to the newspaper."
Kate's face was ashen, "He…he what?"
"Since he was suspended and without an income, when he was contacted by the editor he took your medial records and then sold them to the paper. When that was discovered, his license was revoked and he is waiting to see what fines will be levied against him. He's lucky not to get any jail time." Looking at her paperwork, "It seems he refused any help from Mr. Castle."
"But he told me…he told me." Looking to Dr. Konrad she asked, "Why are you telling me this?"
"I was confused why you were staying with a person who obviously violated hospital policy and federal laws regarding you. It concerned the board that you chose to stay with the one person who probably did you more harm than the shooter. We wondered if you felt you had to be punished for surviving when Captain Montgomery died."
Kate was in shock. She felt hurt, betrayed and angry. More than anything she felt anger. "I…I…Dr. Konrad, do you mind if we don't finish this today? I've learned some things that I really need to be alone and think about. I would like to go home and do this another day if I can."
"Certainly Detective Beckett, do you want me to contact Dr. Davidson?"
"No. I'm going home, not to his place." Looking up at the doctor she said with a quiet dignity, "I am very sure that I don't want to see him again."
Nodding her head Dr. Konrad said, "All right detective, next Tuesday at the same time?"
"That will be fine doctor, thank you." Kate stood up, gathered her purse and walked out the door.
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When she opened the door to her apartment, she noticed it was fresh and clean, there were flowers on her kitchen table that couldn't be more than a day old and when she opened the fridge she saw new containers of milk and cream and butter. In the side cooler were bottles of water, ice tea, and two bottles of wine.
She opened the freezer and saw store bought frozen dinners of her favorite foods, and some homemade frozen dinners with hand written descriptions of the meal and the dates they were cooked on sticky notes. The writing was unfamiliar.
She walked into the bedroom and saw her bed neatly made with fresh linens and her bathroom was spotless with new bottles and jars of her favorite toiletries.
Looking around she wondered how, and who…and then she remembered, in the hospital she wanted something better to wear than the open back johnny-coat, although Castle said he would have no problem following her when she walked to make sure she didn't fall.
She smiled as she remembered his eyebrows raising up and down and the sparkle in his eye. She gave Alexis her key and she brought back some proper attire for her recovery.
Alexis, no, Alexis and Castle probably kept her apartment fresh for her return…or if she ever returned.
She took out her phone and made the call.
"Kate?"
"Hey Castle, can you come over?"
"Sure Josh won't mind?"
"I'm home, not at his place."
"Ten minutes too late?"
She smiled, it was good to talk to Castle again. "That's fine."
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She had opened one of the bottles of wine and was sipping from a glass, sitting on the couch when he knocked on the door. "It's open Castle," she said and she watched as he came into the apartment.
Looking around he saw her on the couch, closed and locked the door and headed over to her. He had a valise in his hand and his eyes were bright with happiness to see her.
She raised her glass, "Thanks for the wine Castle, always the best."
He sat down on the couch and said, "Only what you deserve."
She pointed out there was another glass and he should pour himself one and join her, which he did.
Taking a sip, she watched him over the glass. She thought he would be nervous but he looked more excited and happy to be there. She knew she had to handle this differently than ever before, she had to reign in her temper and let things play out. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes and sipped their wine.
Taking a deep breath, she broke the silence, "I heard something interesting and disturbing today from Dr. Konrad."
He was about to take another sip of wine when she spoke and he lowered the glass slightly. Looking over the rim he simply said, "Oh?"
She decided on another tact, "Why haven't you called me Rick? You're my friend, my partner; you have my back. Why did I find out about Josh through Dr. Konrad?"
Rick sighed and put his glass down. "Kate, I have called you at least ten times a day, every day since you got out of the hospital. Almost every time the call went to voice mail."
"But I never got any calls Rick, the last call was two weeks ago."
Reaching into his valise he pulled out his cell phone records and handed them to her, she saw call after call to her phone. 'Why didn't I get them?' she thought. Then she remembered that Josh was home every day, and the only time she had her phone was when she wanted to make an outside call. Very rare was the call that came in at the time she had her phone with her, like the last time Castle called. She had just hung up from talking to her Dad when he called.
Josh. He never left her phone with her but put it back in her purse so it "wouldn't get misplaced." He probably shut it off before he put it in her purse and deleted any messages. She'd wondered why no one ever called her.
She closed her eyes and thought again of what a fool she's been.
Eyes still closed she asked, "I figured out the calls, but why didn't you come over to visit?"
"If you recall the only time I was able to visit was with Esposito, Ryan or Lanie. Whenever I came on my own he would not let me in, you were always sleeping."
"And when you looked into the newspaper article?"
"When I couldn't reach you by phone I sent it by courier." He reached into his valise once again and pulled out a slip of paper. "Here is the signed receipt."
She looked at it and saw that someone, Josh, had forged her signature. It didn't even look like hers. She began to wonder what else he might have signed for her.
She sighed, put down her glass and used her thumb and forefinger to squeeze the bridge of her nose. "And when you told me you loved me?"
Rick put his glass down and looked straight at her. His eyes were wide and clear and he said without hesitation, "I meant, and mean, every word. I love you, Kate; I have for a long time."
She lowered her hand, opened her eyes, and looked into his. She had never seen such a clean and pure blue before in her life. She sighed and lowered her eyes.
"I'm not blind Rick. I saw it. I knew it. I felt it too, and I did all I could to run away from it."
Raising her eyes to his she said, "I have been fighting my feelings, my love for you, for years Rick. I have been trying to run away from them because I'm not in control."
She took another breath and continued, "You, Richard Castle, are a loose cannon. I never know where I am with you and I never know what you will do next."
"But you know me so well…"
"No Rick, and yes too. I know so much about you and your lovely family. I know that you can make my heart melt when you do something so sweet for them, or for me. But I can never always be the one in control. Sometimes it's me, but just as often it's you, and I never know what will happen when you are in control."
She lowered her head and said softly, "I have always been so afraid of letting go, of not being in control of every situation."
"Kate…"
She barked a harsh laugh, "What a joke! Here I am running from you because I'm afraid of losing control and I run into the arms of someone who denies me any say in my own life. Who controls every aspect of each day. God I am such a fool!"
He reached over and took her hand, "Kate…look at me Kate."
He reached out with his other hand, softly put his fingers under her chin and raised her face till she was looking at him.
"You are not a fool if you are conned. You are not a fool if someone takes advantage of you in your weakness and lies to you about everything around you. Not only once in a while, but minute by minute, day after day. Constantly. Like a water torture, no one, I don't care how strong, can withstand that kind of pressure and mind control."
She put her hand to his cheek, "I really don't deserve you in my life."
"Oh Kate, no one ever deserves anyone else. If we are lucky, we meet someone who wants to share his or her very special and wonderful selves with us. I am such a better man because you chose to share yourself with me…well after I forced you to do it." He said with a slight smile.
Kate laughed softly, "Only you can turn my self loathing around and make me laugh and feel good."
She held his eyes with hers, "You are a good man Richard Castle, and never let anyone, including me, tell you otherwise."
She lowered her eyes and looked at the couch. "What do I do now?"
"Well, when I saw the poorly forged signature I decided to make sure that you were protected. I made sure that he did not try to take advantage of you and asked Judge Markham to watch for any legal papers pertaining to you. Luckily, he never tried to sign your name to anything else. The only other thing I did was make sure your rent was paid as he was letting it lapse."
"He told me he mailed the check out every month,"
Rick shrugged his shoulders, "He lied."
"Once again Rick, what do I do now?"
"Well my dear detective," he said with a flourish, "I also asked Judge Markham to sign a piece of paper that only awaits your signature." He handed her a document, signed by Judge Markham, and completely filled out, only waiting on her signature and the date; a restraining order to keep Josh from coming within 200 feet of her.
She looked up at him, "When did you do this? How did you get a Judge to sign a blank document?"
Rick smiled as he told her. "Three months ago, when no one could get in touch with you, I just felt something was wrong. As to why he would sign, well, he had won a pretty big pot in poker that night and was in a really good mood." Rick thought a moment and added, "I could probably have had him sign over his life savings to me."
Kate put her hand on his, "My dear, dear friend. What angel sent you into my life that night?" A forceful look came into her eyes, reminding him of the Kate he knew a few months ago, "Got a pen?"
Showing a false sense of injured pride Rick put his hand on his chest and said, "Have I got a pen? My dear detective, they'd throw me out of the writers guild if I ever went anywhere without a pen and pad." He reached into his jacket pocket and gallantly handed her his pen.
She took off the top, "A fountain pen Castle? Really?"
"Not just a fountain pen, but a Grayson Tighe Limited Edition Fountain Pen. What? You don't like it? I have a rollerball version if you prefer."
Not knowing what the heck a Grayson something or other pen was, although it certainly looked expensive, Kate took the pen, laid the restraining order on the table and signed her name and entered the date. From this moment on Josh could not come within 200 feet of her without violating it.
She handed it back to Rick and thought that tomorrow she would ask Lanie and Esposito to go to Josh's apartment and get her things.
Handing the pen back to Rick she looked around her apartment. She had dreaded coming here, thinking of the mess she would have to clean up. Even her few plants had been watered and looked better than before she left.
She turned back to Rick and softly said, "Thank you, for having my back."
He smiled and said, "Always."
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Authors Note: Ok, I have had the worst case of writers block ever and all of a sudden I could not stop writing yesterday! Thankfully there was enough humidity in the air to ensure that working in the yard would not be a pleasure, which allowed me to write without pointed looks from my lovely bride. ;-) This allowed me to finish up chapter 12 of Is Forever Possible, and then write this story as it popped into my mind…and after having re-read it I get the feeling that for some unknown reason, I am not too fond of Dr. Davidson. ;-p