Tuner Tunes:

Daffy's revenge

Life on the farm as a duck wasn't a very exciting one, Daffy was aways board day in and day out. One of Daffy's favorite things to do was to hang out in the mushroom fields with the mushroom men, they were nice people to be around. The mushroom men never yelled or got angry because their brains were too small to be able to hold angry thoughts in. Daffy liked this about them because he usually spent most of his time with Bugs Bunny, who was very jerky and liked to fart in his face.

So their was Daffy in the mushroom fields with his little mushroom friends singing songs of happiness and drinking mushroom cola, when he saw a familiar figure climbing out of a hole in the distance. It was his buddy Bugs Bunny, with a carrot in one hand and the other in his pocket and was walking in Daffy's direction. "Oooh boy, this guy..." said Daffy, clearly not pleased by Bug's sudden appearance.

"Why don't you like Bugs, Daffy?" asked one of the mushroom men.

"Because he is a jerk and likes to do mean stuff to me!" replied Daffy.

"Maybe you should be mean back this time." said another mushroom man.

Daffy thought about what the guy just said. He considered it, he had before, but now he was considering being mean back more than ever.

On the previous day Daffy was hanging out with Bugs in the forest. Bugs was not being a very nice guy on that day, he had already blown up Elmer's face and was going around handing out hats that had dynamite in them to unsuspecting hunters. By the end of the day, the forest was completely filled with the exploded faces of hunters, which made Daffy feel very upset.

Daffy dreaded the sight of blood. It was one of the biggest fears he had. Bugs filling the forest with dead faces almost made Daffy cry, but Daffy was a tough guy and said to Bugs, "Bugs, don't you think that dead faces make the forest look bad?"

Bugs looked back at Daffy and gave him a serious look and said with power, "This is my forest Daffy, and what I have to do is defend it from intruders who might threaten the balance of life in it, even if it means tricking people into thinking that they are getting free hats. It's a cruel world Daffy and I will have to be double cruel if I want to some day conquer the world."

"Yeah sure, your forest, of course you have to defend it but its just that..." Daffy paused for a second to collect his thoughts.

"Aww yeeah? What's that?" said Bugs, his tone being clear and assertive.

Daffy was slightly shaking, afraid to ask Bugs his question. Then he spat it out, "It's just that... do you have to be so mean? I mean can't you just ask the hunters politely to leave the forest? I'm sure that they'll listen. They are human after all, masters of reasoning and peace."

Bugs burst out in laughter and was pointing at amd Daffy calling him names. "Daffy, you don't know the first thing about humans! HAHAHAHA!"

"OH YEAH? I bet that I know way more about humans than you do! I'll show you!" yelled back Daffy.

"Okay Daffy, just what do you know about humans that I don't..."

"Well..." Daffy had to think for a second to come up with a cleaver response to counter Bugs.

"Their is one thing..." he paused again.

"So what is it Daffy?"

"Did you know that humans have back hair!" said Daffy quickly and proudly.

Bugs looked at Daffy in a very spiteful way. He was clearly unimpressed by his attempt to out smart him. Bugs walked up real close to Daffy and said, "not all humans have back hair Daffy."

"Oh really? Because I think that your wrong! In fact, I think that your so wrong that when I get home, I'm going to write a song just about how wrong you are right now and I'll call it 'BUGS IS WRONG ABOUT HUMANS AHAHAHA'. What do you think about that! HUH!"

Then Bugs did something very evil and unnice. He poked Daffy in the eye and said, "you have lost the privilege to see." Daffy screamed real loud "YEEEOOOW!" and started to cry.

Bugs walked away and went home and just left Daffy sitting their crying. Daffy thought that he heard him laughing too, but he wasn't too sure about that.

Back in the mushroom fields, Bugs was still approaching Daffy and chewing on his carrot like always.

Daffy returned from his flashback and looked down to his mushroom men friends and said to them, "quick give me some ideas of how to get back at Bugs, quick!"

"Call him a bully!"

"Accidentally sneeze on him!"

"Pretend that you are dead!"

"Ignore him!"

"Buy him some explosive chocolate!"

"Tell him that his breath stinks!"

"Get a sword and stab him in the chest and send him into a world of bad smells and internal fire and never-ending suffering with the red guys with pitchforks and scary faces that look like they will hurt very bad when you look at them."

Daffy considered all of these great suggestions from his friends, except that last one he heard... that one was really creepy wasn't it? But Daffy already knew what he was going to do. He was never so sure about anything before.

Bugs approached Daffy and his mushroom men friends and said to them, "Hey Daffy, hows it goin."

"You forgot to say hello to us!" said the mushroom men.

"Uhhh just fine Bugs, just fine how about you?" said Daffy while scratching his head.

Bugs said sarcastically, "good! I'm feeling really good... you want to know why I'm feeling so good?"

"Hello, Bugs, you never said hello to us down here!" said the mushroom men again, not happy with the way that Bugs was ignoring them like he was.

"Sure thing Bugs," said Daffy, "why do you feel so happy..."

"Because I just realized something..." Bugs went on to explain, "why is it, that every time I see you, I suddenly get the urge to hit something very hard with my fist?"

Daffy got kinda sad after he heard these words, but he sucked it up and laughed and said to Bugs, "HA! Probably because you're too stupid to tell the difference between a duck and a bag of big skin bread!"

Bugs looked at Daffy in the eyes and said with all seriousness, "Daffy that made no sense, what-so-ever."

"Bugs! Bugs! BUGS!" the little mushroom men were getting very impatient at getting Bug's attention.

"Do you hear something Daffy?" asked Bugs. He was looking all around him and could not see the tiny men that were to the right of his feet.

"Yeah they're my mushroom men friends, but they are really really small so it's kind of hard seeing and hearing them." Daffy pointed at the ground by Bug's feet.

"They are very nice people. They can never get angry either because their brains are too small for angry stuff to be inside them, thats why I like them so much. And they have the most beautiful voices and when they all come together to sing in harmony, it's like... like everything is perfectly fine, and nothing bad will ever happen so long as they are in your presence. I..." Daffy paused to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

The mushroom men looked up at Daffy, their eyes were glittering and their smiles were very large, ready for what he was about to confess about them.

Daffy uttered the words out, "I... I love them."

Then Bugs looked down at the ground by his feet and saw the mushroom men for himself. "AHHHH! MUTANTS!" Bugs started to stomp on the ground around his feet and the mushroom men were screaming with fear. A few of them were dieing and the others were yelling "Help us Daffy! Help us!"

Daffy hesitated but then snapped back and pushed Bugs onto the ground and said "Hey Bugs! Those were my friends and loved them with my heart!"

"Dammit Daffy you have no friends! I'm the only friend you have, get over it!"

Daffy thought about the words... he knew they were true because now most of his mushroom friends were dead. But Daffy decided that things didn't have to be that way anymore. What if he was to kill Bugs right here and end this torture forever? Daffy liked that idea, so he pulled out his .44 magnum handgun and pointed it at Bugs who was still laying on the ground. Bugs got real scared and Daffy could tell, he felt so powerful at this moment, he felt as if he could take on the whole world.

"Daffy... where did you get the gun..." said Bugs full of fear.

"It was a gift from a friend." Daffy said full of confidence. "One of my dead friends, that is."

"You don't want to kill me Daffy! Come on, it's me Bugs! Your best friend, partner in crime, we've been through so much together. All those episodes of Looney Tunes? Come on those were good times, right? Right?"

"Actually..." Daffy thought about letting Bugs live for a second.

"Come on, I'm all you got..." Bugs pleaded.

"Not anymore!" said Daffy...

To be continued?