Against All Odds

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

I never knew that one single look could say so much. The hurt, grief, disbelief, pain and disappointment in her eyes were killing me. To think that those beautiful brown eyes could be filled with so much sorrow and to know that I was the one causing them was so unreal. If it would have been anybody else, and I mean anybody that did that to her, I would've beaten the living daylight out of them.

Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. They were staring straight into mine as I saw the expression change from hurt to angry. I saw her lift her hand and seconds later it made contact with my face. Under normal circumstances I never would've accepted someone doing this to me, but now I deserved it, oh how I deserved it.

"How could you do this to me?" I've never heard so much pain in someone's voice before. I looked away in shame as she searched my eyes for an answer. She would never understand. "I really thought you had changed you know! But no, you're just one of them, you always have been and you always will be!" Her voice cracked at those last words and her tears spilled over. I looked up and met her eyes one last time before she turned on her heel and started walking away.

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain

and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

I watched her retreating back, knowing there's nothing I can do to fix what I've done or what I've become. All I want to do is to make her understand; to make her see that I did it to protect her, as insane as it may seem. But it was the only choice I had. Either I had to join them, or they would've gone after her, and if anything would've happened to her, I never would've been able to forgive myself. I don't know if this is much better though, but at least she's still safe.

How we even got together is a wonder for me. That two so different persons could find each other is a miracle. She was the first one to believe in me when I told them that I wanted out. No one else offered me comfort and support like she did when I turned my back on my family and everything I'd ever believed in. She even was the first person I've allowed myself to cry in front of in my deepest despairs and she's the only person who knows my deepest and darkest secrets. I might say that she's the person that knows me the best of all, maybe even better than myself.

But that doesn't help much now. For her it's probably all a lie. I mean, why would she believe in everything I've told her when she's just found out that I'm one of them, one of the worst enemies the magical society has ever laid eyes on. I know I wouldn't.

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face

So now I'm standing here all by myself. Oh, what a pitiful sight I must be. Never has anyone from my family showed feelings so openly as this. But how can I not? I've hurt the only person I've ever really loved in the worst way possible, and there's no way for me to undo it. Family pride and all that isn't so important to me anymore. It's not a part of my life like it used to be in the past. A past I want nothing more than to forget.

It feels like I've got a big empty hole where my heart should be and I don't know how to fix it. I know what I need to fix it, but it's not that simple to get. The way to a woman's heart can be difficult enough under normal circumstances, but when you've lost that woman's trust it can be far worse.

All I got left now is my memories of her beautiful face, those shining eyes when she was happy, her enthusiasm and her incredible thirst for knowledge. To even hope to get her back would be as likely as my father going good.

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

I can see that her steps are hesitating, even though she's walking fast. Her wonderful dark curls are bouncing of her shoulders as I pray that she would stop. Just stop and turn to me and give me just one chance to explain. To make her understand that I only did it out of my love for her, that it was the only way I knew how to protect her.

It's all clear to now. Under no circumstances will I go back to Him. I will just have to find a way to be my own man and learn how to defend myself and those I love. The way it's supposed to be.

A silent tear runs down my cheek as I see her getting closer to the end of the corridor. Any moment now she'll disappear around the corner. And I know that that would be the last I'll see of her.

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
So Take a look at me now
So there's just an empty space
But to wait for you is
All I can do
When that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now
'Cause I'll still be standing here (standing here)
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take

I take a few steps back until my back makes contact with the wall behind me. I don't even care about the dull pain it causes. I slide down against the wall until I'm sitting on the floor, hugging my own knees and resting my head on my arms in defeat.

I feel a burning sensation in my arm and I know exactly what it means. He's calling for me, and the pain only increases as I don't respond. But I won't go back, never again.

I feel my body shaking uncontrollably as I let go of my emotions. I can't but feel helpless as I realize that this is just another thing I've fucked up in my life.

My body stiffens as I feel someone touching my hands. I'm almost afraid of looking up, scared of who it might be and to anxious to even hope that it might be her. Slowly, I lift my head up, only to meet the concerned but uncertain looks of those beautiful brown eyes.

"I can't believe that I'm doing this, but you'd better have a good explanation for yourself!"