~ok so this is my first fan fic ever. Im not awesome at writing stuff but I ran out of stuff to read so I wrote this. There's not enough CartmanxKenny love here. My grammar sucks really bad to so if you see a mistake just ignore it. I do not own south park or any of the characters in this story, and this is a YAOI! if you don't like that stuff don't have to read it. oh and I hate Wendy so Wendy bashing, and I love Butters but not in this story sry. Hope you enjoy :)~

It was two in the morning I was laying on my bed in the dark trying to get some sleep before school tomorrow. So I let my mind wander. I've always had troubles with insomnia even when I was a baby. My mom would have to sing to me for hours before I feel asleep, but as I got older she slowly stopped caring about me. When I was 5 she would disappear for hours at a time. Now I barley see her.

When I was little she would wait on me hand and foot. I could make her do whatever the hell I wanted if I pitched a big enough fit, but when I turned 16 that changed. It was my birthday and everyone had just left the party. I didn't want her to go out because it was my birthday so I started whining try and make her stay.

And she said the words I have always prepared for. With her fake loving smile she said " now now poopsiekins your 16 now you wont die if I leave so there's no need to stay anymore." That day the bitch just up and left for about a month. My mother now only comes back when she needs a place to crash and couldn't get one of her many her fuck buddy's to take her home. As of now I haven't seen her for a few days. I stopped counting the days a long time ago. I kind of hope she never comes back.

I grew up a lot and I don't need her anymore. Now she's nothing but a burden to me. Because when ever she is home she's fucking some one or high as shit. but lucky for me she's never here for more than a day at a time.

I know some people thought I was close to her and in a way I was but I was always prepared for this. She never was a good mother. Even when I was little she fuck any thing that moved and smoke whatever she could get her hands on. I was never her first priority, she would do what she wanted even if it traumatized me.

I think I really lost hope for her when I was 7 years old I came home from school and saw her laying on the couch, her legs spread while some guy in a pig mask smoking what I now know to be weed was fucking a lady with nothing but a collar on. It was the scariest thing iv ever seen. I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room and cried all night. That was the night I lost all hope for her.

Even though I knew this I still wanted her to care. So I found ways to make her care. Something that would make her stop fucking around and would force her to be a parent. That's how I became a monster I did terrible things just to get her attention, but it never really worked. She let me do what ever the hell I wanted so she wouldn't have to be there, and over time being bad became a habit.

Now after years of being a "fat ass" no one ever yells at me or try's to stop me from doing stuff. They just accept it knowing they cant change me. There was that one incident with the dog whisperer guy. I was finally being given the kind of attention I needed from my mom, but once again she broke my heart. As soon as he left she went back to just giving me stuff so I would shut up. I knew the only reason she ever called him was to sleep with that guy...and to keep my school off her back.

The school gave up on me along time ago. Now I just do what I want with no real punishment. The only people that would stand up to me, make me feel normal was the people I called my friends Stain, Kyle, and Kenny. Especially Kyle. I liked Kyle the most out of all 3 of them. I loved how all I had to do was call him a Jew and he would go off. He even knew how to piss me off. I would often find myself thinking he was cute. I even found his Jew fro adorable.

I never really cared much for any of the girls at our school. They were all ether stuck up or just annoying. Non of them had the feisty personality I like.

But sadly once middle school was over I lost all that extra fat I had and in return gained nice strong muscles and grew to be several inches taller than the other boys, nobody made fun of me any more. I had got a bad reputation as the kid you never piss off. They were all scared of me, even Kyle.

Once my mom started to go out more the food supply in the house was getting rater low, and when the power cut out because mom forgot to pay the electric bill I new it was just a mater of time before she forgot to put food in the house all together. So I had to go looking for people who would hire a 15 year old.

I eventually found someone, a mean man that lived in the bad part of south park close to where Kenny lives. He pays me good money to deliver stuff to people all over south park. I make more than enough to buy myself food and pay the bills. There really isn't even a risk for me officer Barbrady is terrified of me, and for good reason. I warned him if he ever messed with me I would show him something worse than death, but I'm not even sure if he understood me. he responded to my threat with an okeydokey. He never really messed with me after that no matter what I did so I don't know.

The only person that treats me human anymore is surprisingly Kenny. He always faces me head on when I pick on him. I don't know why I didn't noticed sooner but I found out he's much better at everything than Kyle ever was. His insults are a lot funnier than Kyle's and when I get board of ripping on him he jokes around with me. He is one of the few people who can get my dark since of humor. He even has a dark side himself.

I cant believe I didn't notice him sooner. When we were young we would play super hero, he would be Mysterion I would be The Coon and we would fight and argue from early in the morning to late in the evening. I loved playing with him I just couldn't see it with Kyle in the way.

Kenny even had the looks I like. Where Kyle had frizzy curly red Jew hair. Kenny has soft baby blond hair that just makes you want to pet him. Not to mention Kenny's amazing big dark blue eyes. He even has the perfect body shape for me, he's shorter than me by 2 heads and he's skinny with cures more like a woman than a man.

I noticed that some of the older kids would pick on him because of his size. Needless to say I was unhappy, and stopped that crap before it ever really started.

When I told Kenny why I got I.S.S his eyes it up with surprise and happiness. He was so happy I stood up for him...for about 5 seconds then all the happy on his face melted and was replaced with anger. " I may not look like it but I can stand up for myself!" He really surprised me with that. He looked so cute trying to be tough but his short stature and big blue eyes could never pull it off. That's the day I found my self thinking about how much I love him, but sadly I could never tell him. I really don't want 2 mess up the only friendship worth keeping.

~I know its not that great but its all I got more chapters to come. maybe~