Remus lay in his bed dreaming, it was a good dream too. He was running through the forbidden forest as a wolf, his friends happily running with him, growling and snapping. He felt more in control than usual, he had a wolf's body but somehow he was still himself. He turned to look at the great black dog running alongside him and found him looking into Sirius's stormy grey eyes instead. He looked down at his body and found he was back in human form as well. But where were James and Peter? Suddenly he didn't care because Sirius was smiling above him and Sirius's strong arms circled his waist and Sirius was leaning towards him and...
"Moony...Moony. Remus! Remus, please wake up"
Someone was whispering in his ear, wrenching him away from his perfect dream, he squeezed his eyes more tightly closed, clinging to the dream desperately as it slipped away. Behind his closed eyes he saw Sirius, always Sirius. Sirius turning round to grin mischievously at him in a lesson, his hair flopping elegantly over his eyes, Sirius smiling as he came out of the shower, a towel wrapped loosely around his slim hips. It was as though the boy's image was etched onto the backs of his eyelids. He squeezed his eyes tighter shut half willing the tantalizing images to dissolve and leave him alone, half longing to see more.
But it was too late. The dream was gone, he groaned as he hated himself for still have those dreams. He tried so hard not to think about Sirius, he had stopped looking at him. But Sirius forced his way into Remus's brain still, and he could hardly bear it. What would Sirius say if he knew? He would be disgusted, call Remus a freak. Remus felt the same way, he disgusted himself, he was a freak.
And still the relentless whispering. Hot breath tickling his ear, someone's hair on his cheek. He groaned as he finally gave up on being left to his thoughts and rolled over. And there was Sirius, his expression apologetic, his grey eyes staring into Remus's brown ones. Their faces mere inched apart, Remus drew a sharp breath in at this sudden closeness. If either of them moved, even a fraction, their lips would meet.
"Can I come in?"
Remus's eyes grew wide, sleep next to Sirius? He longed for and dreaded it in equal measures. He forced out a strangled "What, why?"
"James has hexed my bed sheets, they keep tickling me." Sirius replied, smiling humorlessly.
Remus sighed and shifted over as Sirius pushed aside the draped hangings on his bed and crawled under the sheets, his hand brushed Remus's leg as he wriggled around, adjusting the blankets and Remus felt electricity shoot through his body. He held his breath, he could feel the heat coming from Sirius's body, see his bare shoulders moving as he breathed deeply. Remus bit his lip and turned away from Sirius to face the wall. As he moved he thought he saw a hurt expression touch Sirius's face for a moment, but it was gone as soon as he looked back. The two boys lay next to each other for a few more moments, neither daring to move, not wanting another accidental touch that so appalled and delighted them. Remus heard Sirius breathe in deeply and then he turned over, now Remus could feel Sirius's hard, muscled chest against his back and his hot breath against the back of his neck, making his hair stand on end, his arm was slung across Remus's waist.
"Moony," he whispered softly into Remus's shoulder.
Remus ignored him, squeezing his eyes tight shut and clenching his jaw. Willing himself not to give into Sirius's teasing. For that was all it could be, teasing. He didn't dare to think it could be anything else.
"Moony, stop trying to block me out. What's going on with you?"
Sirius touched his neck gently, his fingers just skimming Remus's soft, pale skin, tracing meaningless patterns across his shoulder. Remus shuddered, with pleasure or repulsion, he couldn't tell. He tried to say something but his tongue seemed stuck to the roof of his mouth, he strained to say "Stop, please Sirius"
At his words Sirius's fingers fluttered and he drew his hand quickly away from Remus's face but it was though the path his fingers had traced were still burning from the heat of his hand, etched into his skin forever. Remus turned towards Sirius and lay on his back. Sirius was propped up on his elbow next to him, a dark curl falling into his eyes. Remus's eyes were searching Sirius's face, for what he didn't know. The dark haired boy's expression was hurt, not the pouty, joking face he put on when James made fun of him, or when a teacher told him off. This was something raw and real and utterly sincere.
It made Remus's heart break to see him like that and to know that he was the cause of it. He reached out to Sirius, hoping that he could put enough meaning and feeling into one touch to make Sirius understand, each fingertip spelling out the words he could not say. Their eyes connected in a look that was full of fear and questions and Sirius turned away with a gruff "G'night then" and although his breathing quickly became deep and slow Remus knew neither of them would sleep that night.