In Which Bella Grows A Pair by snarry4ever
Oneshot. For now.
Summary: Bella questions Edward's little speech during the meadow scene. How will this change things?
Disclaimer: All belongs to S. Meyer. I just wanted to shake things up a bit.
A/N: I've wanted to read a story that diverges from canon in the meadow scene but have never found one. So I decided to write one myself.
A/N 2: Sentences or paragraphs in italics are straight from New Moon by Stephenie Meyer and pages are referenced from my American paperback version.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.
…
"You... don't... want me?"
…
"No."
(page 69)
EPOV
Saying no, or rather this entire conversation was the hardest thing I'd ever had to say in all my 100+ years on this planet. I was lying, of course. I wanted her more than I could ever express, more than I could ever convey to her. But I had to lie to get her to believe me. I had to protect her. By leaving. But I didn't expect her reaction.
"Bullshit." It was said very calmly and I think my mouth dropped open a little at hearing Bella, my Bella, swear.
"What?"
"You heard me. I said bullshit. You're lying through your teeth and I want to know why. I don't believe that you've been lying to me for all these months. Why the hell are you doing this?"
Damn. I was afraid that this might be her reaction. How could I convince her? Something terrible will happen to her if I stay, I just know it! "Bella..."
"Don't 'Bella' me, Edward Anthony. What in hell is going on?"
"...what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human." (p 70)
"You're tired of acting human? What a pack of lies, Edward. I can't believe you! So what, you're just going to go around attacking and draining people because you are 'tired of pretending to be human'? Well I'll be your first meal, jackass." With that, she bared her beautiful neck to me and tiptoed so it was right beneath my lips.
I grabbed her close (causing her to gasp) and pressed my lips to her delicious smelling neck. "Maybe I will," I snarled. "You are so tempting, Isabella."
I inhaled once, allowing myself a tiny moment to contemplate what her blood would taste like (sweet and delicious, just like her lips, I was sure), then pressed an open-mouthed kiss where her pulse throbbed. Then I carefully released her and turned my back on her. I couldn't stand to see the fear and revulsion in her gaze. I deserved that at least, I knew. I was ashamed of my almost moment of weekness.
"Edward? Please look at me."
I did not turn.
"Edward, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have provoked you like that. I should know better than to irritate a vampire, right?" Bella chuckled nervously. I still did not turn. She moved around until she was in front of me and gently put her hand on my arm. I flinched and she dropped it.
"Look at me!" she barked.
I did, shocked at her tone.
"What?" I asked tonelessly.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I just can't stand the thought of you leaving me. Especially about something that didn't happen. It was nothing, less than nothing! I knew that you guys would never let Jasper hurt me! And even if he had bit me, what would have happened? I would have been changed-"
"Stop."
Bella's tirade stopped immediately at my sharp tone. I did not want to think of my precious human girlfriend dead, a monster like myself.
I stared at a tree, inspecting the miniscule swirling patterns on the bark. Anything but looking at her face, her eyes. "You're right. Nothing happened. But Bella-" I looked at her then, and cupped her cheek oh so gently in my palm- "what could have happened is terrible to think of. Jas could have easily killed you. You do not even know how easily..." My words trailed off as my mind ran away with the morbid thought.
"Edward, stop it. Stop it right now. I know what you are thinking of. It didn't happen. We'll just have to be more careful. I won't let you leave because of this. I won't let you leave when you've just started your senior year because of me." Bella was pleading now, tears streaming down her face. Damnit, she knew I couldn't handle her crying.
"You will be the death of me, mia vita, mio amore.1"
"Bella!"
I turned in time to see my sister Alice crash into Bella and myself, almost knocking us over.
"What the f, Alice?" Bella screeched.
"Edward is planning on leaving you Bella!" she almost shouted. Then she turned to me.
"What exactly is the point in doing this, you asshole? I can't believe you almost did that to her!" She placed both hands on each side of my head, which allowed me to see her visions with my mind reading ability. The vision flew by like a movie, quickly rushing through what would have happened to Bella if I had gone through with my plan.
I saw her sitting alone in her room, pale and gaunt. In the next 'scene' she was riding (and subsequently crashing) a motorcycle, and then I saw in quick sucession her socializing with werewolves, jumping off a cliff (almost dying) and then facing the Volturi, offering her life for my own. The vision broke.
"Bella!" I groaned her name.
"What? Alice, Edward, what the hell is going on? First you act like you're leaving then Alice comes and tells me you were going to and then she puts her hands on your head! Somebody had better spill right now!"
With her hands on her hips and her best pouty face on, I couldn't help but think- despite the circumstances- how beautiful Bella looked when she was angry.
"I'm sorry Bella. You're right. When Alice puts her hands on my head like that, it allows me to clearer see a vision that she has seen. She showed me..." I took a deep breath- "Bells, she showed me what would have happened to you if I had left. Like I was planning on doing today."
Her mouth dropped open and she looked devastated. "You... you were really planning on just leaving me here and what? Running away? Like that would have solved all the problems?" A single tear leaked out of both her eyes, causing my heart to break.
"I know, I know Bella! I'm sorry! I don't think well when the life of someone I love is threatened! It seemed like the best solution for you! You could have lived a normal life!" I paused then said,
"You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." (p 71-72)
More tears leaked out of her beautiful eyes and ran down her cheeks. "As if I could forget you, you idiot."
I turned back to Alice. "Well now what am I supposed to do, know-it-all? Carlisle already quit his job and we all told the school we were moving to Los Angeles. I can hardly tell everyone we've-" Alice 'hm'phed and I continued wryly- "I've decided to stay in town."
Alice smiled condescendingly at me as if to say, 'Don't doubt the psychic brother dear.' "Well that's easy. We won't go to LA, of course, but we all will go to Alaska for a month or two and then come back saying that sunny California life wasn't for us and we all decided to move back. People won't even really make a fuss about it. Town pride and all that." She shrugged. "Rose will be mad at you for being such an idiot and making her move for a month but she'll get over it."
"Thanks for coming, Alice. I'm glad you cared enough to come warn me," Bella murmured, knowing we could hear her no matter how softly she spoke.
Alice threw her arms around Bella, careful not to squeeze to hard. "Oh Bella, of course I had to come! You are like a sister to me, and besides, you've helped my dope of a brother here to become less mopey. We all owe you a debt of gratitude for that." She winked at Bella and Bella chuckled a bit. Ah Alice. One minute you want to strangle her and the next to hug her.
Then Alice got serious. "However, Edward, I do think you should stay away for that month." When I started to protest, Alice continued calmly. "Obviously the reasons that you wanted to leave in the first place- mainly wanting to protect Bella from my husband- are still going to exist. You and I and the rest of the family can work with Jasper on his control. He is very clearly not the only vampire we need to worry about, but you and I can discuss that later. Not only that, but you need to get your head on straight and decide what you really want from your relationship with Bella. You almost- thank God I stopped you- left her without consulting her or the rest of your family. You obviously don't trust her or us to know how to handle things or to rationally talk things out. Think on things for this month and then you guys can resume your relationship when we move back. If she decides to forgive you for this stunt..." she trailed off.
Then my darling little sister turned to Bella. "You, my dear, get to play actress for a month. You get to be all mopey and depressed, acting like Edward has left you for good. Have to keep up the charade, of course. I know this is a lot to take in." She gave Bella a quick hug, said, "see you in a month," and was off running back towards our house.
Bella was quiet for another moment then spoke. "It won't be acting. I will be sad when you are gone. I am pissed at you right now, Edward, I won't deny that. However, I am going to act like an adult here and trust that you had my best interests at heart, even if the way you were going to show it was really really really stupid." She looked me straight in the eye and murmured, "You are my whole life, Edward. I can't live without you now."
"Nor I you."
"Will you promise me something then?" she asked calmly.
"Anything, mio amore."
"Talk to me next time you want to do something asinine like this. I would have listened to your concerns and together with your family, we could have come to some sort of conclusion. I don't like decisions being made about my life that I have no part in. Or control over. Can you promise me that, Edward?"
I swallowed, chastised. "I will certainly try, Bella. I am still uneasy about Jasper. Well, all of us, really. We aren't cuddly kittens, Bells, we are cold hard monsters. We suck little Bambies' blood in order to survive. You are in danger every single moment you are with us. I want to promise you that I won't leave you again, but I don't know if I can do that. I don't know how I can make you see how real this danger is, love."
Bella's face grew somber. "You really think I don't understand the danger, Edward? Do you remember my birthday party? When you threw me into a coffee table to keep your bloodthirsty brother from eating me? I won't forget that anytime soon. But I've known those risks for a long time, you idiot. I've chosen you over the risks. You are worth the risk. Being with your family is worth the risk to me. I've always wanted brothers and sisters, Edward, and being with you has let me experience that. I understand the risks and am willing to work with you to stay safe. But that does not mean I want to cut myself off from you guys entirely! Nor do I want you to cut me off from them. Did you ever think what leaving me- and Forks- would do to your family? To me? I would have been so devastated. So I revise my promise. Promise me you will talk to me about things that are worrying you and we will work them out together. Ok?"
Her impassioned speech left me breathless and speechless. I nodded, then said, "I promise."
I looked at the setting sun and decided it was time for me to leave. "it's time for me to go, Bella. Come here."
My beautiful girl approached me eagerly and we held each other close for several minutes. Then I kissed her briefly on her sweet lips, savoring the taste. "I will see you in a month, mia vita."
Before I could start running, I heard her ask, "What does that mean, Edward?"
I was off running now, but I called back, "My life, Bella, my life."
Fin
A/N: I'm sure I mangled the Italian. My apologies to all you who actually speak Italian out there. I found the phrases on Yahoo's Babel Fish translator. If they are wrong, I apologize. No flames :)
1Irony: mia vita means my life. Mio amore means my love. In Italian of course.