Chapter One- Coq Au Vin Night
Jude wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, the scent of onions becoming too much for her as she chopped them into little pieces, practically pulverizing them, her eyes burning and growing teary in the process. Tonight was her special weekly dinner with Timothy, and as always, she was looking forward to it, but also hard at work to ensure that she would please him. Tonight, was the fourth Friday of the month, and she was making his favorite, as she always did on the fourth Friday. They both always referred to this particular evening as Coq Au Vin night. Jude couldn't wait to see him smile as he took the first taste, a satisfied grin spreading across his face, his highly selective pallet seeming to bask in pure ecstasy.
When she finished preparing the dish, Jude placed it in the oven to bake. It would be ready in an hour and she only had about that time before Timothy arrived. She sighed; scolding herself for feeling like this was a date as she went to go change into something a little more comfortable. It never got much better, wearing this old itchy habit. She wanted to dress nicely for him, to make him realize she was pretty, but given the dress code there was no real way to do that. And besides, it wasn't as if the myopically focused Timothy would notice it anyway.
Jude refreshed the little bit of make up she secretly wore and went to change her clothes. Timothy wouldn't see it, but Jude always made sure to wear her red slip on the nights he was with her. It gave relief to the tension she felt with him, allowing her to pretend, at least for a while, that she was a woman whose urges and desperate longing for physical and emotional love could be satisfied by a man who also desired her. She didn't' just want to be a Nun forced to keep up the pretense of a completely platonic relationship with a man who did not desire her as she desired him.
Jude dreaded what she knew would happen as soon as she laid eyes on him. He'd begin speaking and she'd welcome him into her tiny quarters, his words and greeting becoming just a blur to her as that song started playing in her head, and the fantasy took over.
Ista est mea creatura! Jude narrowed her eyes as she got up from the table, looking down at him with a sweet but seductive gaze, watching his eyes grow wide as she shed the robe of her habit.
Et postquam ego colcavi me in te Timothy watched amazed as Jude slowly lifted the skirt of her red slip and startled him, sitting on his lap face front. He was speechless and watched in surprise as she wrapped her arms around him.
Modo colca te tu in me Timothy slowly overcame his nervousness and brushed his big soft hands gently up her sides, toward her breasts in a way that made all her nerves stand on end as if she were fully satisfied already and at peace in a way she'd never been.
"I'm glad you invited me here Jude." Timothy smiled, breaking her out of the trap of her fantasy once again.
"What?! Oh, yes, yes Timothy. I love having ya….I-I mean it's nice ta, ta have yar company." She giggled nervously as he followed her from the doorway into the kitchen.
Timothy sat down and began to pour the wine, watching her carefully as she served the food, her back to him. Little did she know, Coq Au Vin night was a night of repressed desires for both of them. Timothy had always heard that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach; and because of Jude, he knew for sure that it was true. For a long time, he had thought that his feelings about her were primarily about what she cooked for him. He loved the dishes she made, Coq Au Vin or not and always looked forward to their nights together.
It was just a few months prior when he'd been on a trip, conducting business for the church and had had Coq Au Vin not prepared by her loving hands. While decadent, he found his favorite food, when not made by Jude, lacked the right amount of body and taste. The meal left him unsatisfied and when he was finished he felt frighteningly lonely, almost lost. It was an experience that was disturbing to him and didn't go unnoticed. Right then, he realized the Coq Au Vin had actually been good, and that Jude was the only thing missing from the meal.
Timothy's mind immediately turned to the joy in her smile, the warmth of her laughter and then very suddenly to the fullness of her breasts...Timothy almost choked when he realized he'd been thinking of her that way and in that moment, he knew he didn't like Jude just because of the food or the pleasant company…it was something much deeper than that, but at the same time, far more basic: it was a desire that was instinctual, overwhelming and animalistic.
It had been three months since Timothy had had that revelation and since then, he couldn't get her off of his mind. He felt guilty and conflicted, as his desire to take her and make her something more that she was supposed to be to him, grew exponentially every time he saw her. It was coming to the point where he didn't know how much longer he could suppress himself and if he tried, he thought he might implode.
Timothy looked away as he she leaned down to get the dinner out of the oven, suddenly almost vexed that he found her so beguiling, that just the sound of her voice or the curve of her hip or breast, even under that thick black robe, could tantalize him so.
"Dinner is served." Jude smiled, putting the diner on the table.
She sometimes got nervous around Timothy, and spoke almost as if to pander to him, as if he were a higher form of life than she. 'It's a pleasure ta serve ya.' She wanted to say, but didn't. Something inside her warned her against this choice of words, she realized quickly that it seemed very sexual to her somehow, as if the term 'serve you' would really denote the way she felt about him and what she really wanted to do for him. Little did she know if she said this, he would take it this way as well.
"You…it looks scrumptious." He said, catching himself with his own choice of words.
She blushed and the couple sat down to eat together. It was a quiet night, compared to most others. They were content to unknowingly mutually delight in each other's company, neither wanting to talk about Briarcliff or Dr. Arden, or anything they might normally mention to each other, pleasant or not.
"No Timothy, ya know I don't partake of spirits." She said, covering her wine glass as he attempted to pour some for her, as he did during all of their dinners.
"I'd like it if you did, just this once." He said, moving aside her hand as he poured a little bit of the wine into her glass. "You know, the cloth doesn't mean foregoing all pleasure, Sister…"
Jude's focus changed and her eyes narrowed, coming to gaze solely on the wine as it poured out of the decanter, filling her previously clear glass with its rich burgundy color. What did he mean by this?
"Here." He handed it to her. "It's an excellent bouquet…I insist you take a sip."
Jude took the glass in her hand, unsure of what to make all of this and took just a sip, not for herself, but for Timothy.
"Don't you just love the taste?" He asked. "It's an almost soothing taste, you must admit." He smiled at her. "But exciting and enticing all at once."
Jude looked up at him as he said this, somehow sure he was speaking of her and not the wine. Timothy focused on his glass as he talked, spinning it a little and watching the burgundy colored wine swirl around in the glass.
"It's full bodied, and beautiful, it's taste like an angel's touch. So perfect you can barely fathom it, but there it is, right in front of you." Timothy put down the glass and stared right at her.
Jude merely watched him as he spoke.
"It's the kind of thing you crave." He continued. "And you watch with adoring eyes but it can't be yours…" He paused realizing that she must know he was no longer speaking of the wine.
"No matter how much ya want it." She finished his sentence.
"No matter how much, I want it."
They were silent for a moment and stared deeply into each other's eyes, neither realizing they were inching closer and closer until their lips brushed gently in a kiss neither of them knew was coming. Both immediately had the same response: surprise. Timothy had expected her to resist and Jude had anticipated that he'd be anything but pleased. Instead, she found he replied with force and so did she. Jude opened her mouth at his insistence, allowing his seeking tongue to explore, even as she continued the work of sucking on his lower lip.
Jude stood when she finally came up for air. Timothy was about to protest and apologize, thinking she was upset, instead he was awestruck to see her remove the head piece to her habit. She discarded it, letting it fall onto the floor and he watched attentively as she let her long beautiful golden curls sweep gently down her back.
"Jude…" He looked up her, a hint of surprise and longing in his eyes.
"Monsignor…" She replied as he stood.
He wrapped his arms around her and began to kiss her deeply once more. Jude had never felt more loved in a man's arms, and wanted to pinch herself to make sure that she wasn't dreaming…or of course, just fantasizing. Timothy, meanwhile, was overwhelmed that she seemed to have mutual feelings and didn't know how to react except to keep kissing her. He felt so full of sin, but, now that he knew she felt the same, he also felt like an unstoppable force.
This time, when they came up for air, Timothy sat down again and stared up at her, watching closely as she unbuttoned her habit. His eyes widened, wondering if this was in fact, the confirmation he'd been so desperately searching for from her: that she wanted to make love to him. Timothy felt like his eyes would pop out of his head as he watched her robe slide down her long beautiful arms and pool onto the floor, revealing her shiny red silk slip to him.
"Oh…" He moaned as she sat on his lap, straddling him. His heart leapt in his chest and his hands shook as he took her in his arms.
"I wear it just far ya." She whispered, guiding his stunned face back to hers and beginning to kiss him.
"And I brought the wine just for you." He whispered as she began to kiss him once more.
Slowly, the kissing became more and more intense. Timothy brushed her thighs with his hands, squeezing them tightly as he ran his hands and down the length of them. They kissed so aggressively, that Jude felt overwhelmed. Timothy, meanwhile, could feel that his body had bigger conquests planned than just this, and like before a desire within him seemed to grow, fueled now by her passionate kisses and gentle moaning. This desire was far larger than before and he knew it couldn't be fulfilled this way no matter how hard he tried. Little did he realize that as his desire grew, so did hers.
Finally, Timothy couldn't stand the pressure that built within him any longer. He stood, his lips not leaving hers as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. Timothy cleared the dining table off with one hand, the dishes dropping to the floor and shattering. Jude smiled sweetly as he laid her on top of the table, placing his strong arms on either side of her very quickly, almost as if to trap her and keep her in place. Timothy took a moment to peer down hungrily at the woman he so longed to take as his own, gazing at her almost as if she were a hard won prize that belonged only to him.
In that moment, as all the blood seemed to rush from his head, Timothy's instincts became primal. His head stopped thinking and instead, his heart and his manhood considered his actions for him.
"Take me." She whispered hoarsely, almost pleading for him to act. "I am yars Timothy, I'm all yars."
He gazed down at Jude, further enticed by her words and excited by the fact that she seemed to moan in ecstasy even before they'd really done anything.
"Oh yes. You are Jude. You are all mine."
Timothy felt like a little boy in a toy store who didn't know what to play with first. For a moment he went back to kissing her and Jude wrapped her legs tightly around his waist once again, longing for the closeness to him. Timothy quickly went to work on his belt buckle as they kissed, and she removed her legs from around his waist.
"Don't you aim to please your Monsignor?" He asked, teasing her and beginning his work on her underwear, but deciding to leave her slip in place.
Timothy loved the way the slip accentuated all the parts of her body that normally remained hidden to him, and he fantasized so much about.
"Pleasin' the Monsignor, is what I live far." She said as he overtook her lips with his own.
The two enjoyed a slow, sweet kiss, each other's breaths drawing them closer together. Jude was lost in the kiss, relishing in the bliss of his intimate embrace and suddenly, without much warning to her, she felt him enter her.
"Ahhh!" Jude cried, shutting her eyes tightly. She squeezed his shoulders. "Oh! Timothy!" She'd never had anyone feel so good that quickly.
'Jude…" He gasped.
Timothy moaned, also in instant ecstasy at his union with her. Joining with her had seemed to bring him impossibly closer to her, not just physically, but also in heart and soul, something he'd craved for the longest time. He felt like he was whole with her, one with her skin. He'd recently come to a point where he couldn't look at her and be satisfied with anything less than this…of being one with her: it was just perfect. At the same time, he never knew how perfect it would be. Obviously he knew all about sex, and how it worked, but, before now, he never truly understood how wonderful it could feel or what it met to share it with someone you desired deeply.
Neither said how they felt, but the couple was on cloud nine, relieved about the release of so much tension and so many more repressed feelings they'd kept bottled up for so long, and neither gave any consideration to the many possible consequences for their actions.
"Timothy…Timothy Howard." She moaned, clutching the sheets. "Oh Monsignor!"
"Oh Jude!" He moaned. "Oh Jude I've waited so long…you have…no idea."
"Oh yes, yes I do!" Jude shut her eyes as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and began to kiss his collarbone.
Jude moaned into his chest as he started to thrust faster. Timothy couldn't tell, at this point, where she ended and he began, his heart raced at the thought that the two of them just seemed to meld together into one.
"Ahhhh…Oh Jude…you wore it for me!" He exclaimed, speaking of her slip as he squeezed her hips.
"Just far ya, all this time just far my Timothy, ah!"
"You realize Jude, oh…oooh…You realize I'm giving you my virtue."
"Oh Timothy yes…yes and it's a precious gift ta me. Oooooh!"
Timothy ran his hands up her sides, caressing her very gently as he thrust deeply inside her. Jude moaned and shuttered at once, the mix of sensations nearly pushing her over the edge. He was so forceful and took complete control in a way she found incredibly sexy; but at the same time, his caress was loving and so gentle. She'd never felt so much from one person before. His union with her was a true shock to her body and soul and she found that they fit together just right, as if they were created to become one.
Her senses were completely overloaded and she began to think about her fantasy about Timothy, only this, was so much better than the fantasy had ever been. Timothy pulled her back into a deep kiss and the music began to circulate in her head once more.
Et postquam ego colcavi me in tee:and after I have laid myself in you.
"Jude…" He mumbled, continuing to nibble on her neck, his kisses trailed down her collarbone and into her cleavage.
Something powerful had overcome Timothy in the last few minutes. And he realized that while he'd long known the feeling of lust for Jude, and lust for power, this was something far, far greater and more exhilarating than either of those things. This kind of passionate love was like the feeling of total conquest and he felt he'd been made for it and nothing else. Timothy came to realize in those moments that, lust for power and a woman he could not have were not enough for him…that he didn't have to crave and long like a helpless boy, and that instead he could take, and conquer, and love…like a man. Timothy moved his lips back to her open mouth and pushed harder into her.
Modo colca te tu in me:now you lay yourself in me.
"Ahhhhh!" Jude moaned loudly, not caring if anyone heard them. "Oh God! Timothy, don't stop, don't stop!"
She hung on tightly. Her head spun and her heart raced. Jude was overwhelmed and could not believe this was happening. That he was fulfilling her every desire and partaking in this intimate, forbidden act with her, one she'd thought of in shame over and over again. The fact that it was very real and even more forbidden shook her to the core and she wondered if she no longer had to be ashamed of her desire. She wrapped his arms tightly around his neck and opened her mouth, snaking her tongue inside his mouth as he thrust harder inside her again and again.
Ista est mea creatura: this is my creature.
"Jude, my Jude!" He moaned and Jude could feel he was coming closer to his release. His large, warm hands had found their way up under her slip and clutched the sides of her stomach, his thumbs running gentle circles against her skin. His touched caused her to draw a soft but labored breath and made her only crave more closeness to him.
"Monsignor…Tim….Timothy…" She was worn out and out of breath now, her nails digging into his back. He could feel her breath tickling his shoulders and was now completely entranced by everything about her.
Ista est mea creatura: this is my creature.
Neither of them wanted this to come to an end, both feeling on top of the world as they reached their peak. But both had this overwhelming ache because they knew they were about to slide into an impasse and experience a little bit of death. They'd reached the edge, but that did not mean their hunger for each other was anywhere near satisfied.
"Ahhhh!" Jude cried. Timothy moaned and clutched her hand tightly.
"Jude!" Timothy moaned, feeling her writhe under him as he collapsed on her spent frame.
He took a breath, feeling her heart beat against his hear, and within seconds, turned back to her and began kissing her cleavage, all the way up her collarbone and neck, back to her lips, where he allowed his fingers to dive back into her long blonde hair.
"It's been an excellent feast, my rare bird." He whispered, his mouth returning to her lips.