Don't own Naruto. Don't sue me! nn;
Neglection
You lie silent there before me..
Your tears, they mean nothing to me;
the wind howling at the window;
the love you never gave
I give to you
He didn't understand his brother's doings. Then again.. who did? Nobody in their right mind would dare confront Itachi and demand to know what the hell his intensions were. The fact remained that no matter how much he begged, how hard he tugged – screaming, on his older brother's nearly warn navy blue formal t-shirt, or how many pencil bowls he smashed; how many times he shed tears, mussed bed sheets, and kicked every door in the house (to which Mikoto would murmur, "Heaven help me"), Itachi was not about to lose his place in ANBU and decline his five-day mission.
"I'll be back on Friday, at five o' clock." Those were his final words. To add a little superiority over his younger sibling's frantic shrieks ("NO! Don't leave, pleaseohpleaseohplease, 'niisaaaaaaaan!!! NOOOO!"), a grunt rumbled in the back of his throat.
"Sasuke, please. Your brother's mission is very important to him!" chimed in their mother, "And your father," she added hastily, under her breath. Her arms extended to the cockatoo-head's waist and firmly pulled him away.
As if someone had lit a fire curdling to Sasuke's backside, he jumped and shyly kicked a foot to wood flooring. Pink etched over each pale cheek, kohl orbs guiding downward so that he wouldn't have to make eye contact with anyone. His tone lowered to a mock-baby stance that would (probably) make any adult melt into a puddle of goo. (… well, any child would probably piss themselves if they caught sight of this.)
"'niisan… can I have a present from A-.. Awa.." he groped for the pronunciation, tiny brows wriggling together like frustrated caterpillars.
"Awa no Kuni."
"Hai! Awa no Kuni! Onegai, 'niisan?! Onegai?!"
"Of course," cat-like eyes blinked. "Why, look.. I already have something for you from my last trip!"
A squeal shook the dining room show-glasses.
"OUUU! Gimme, gimme, GIMME!" Grabby hands.
"It wouldn't be a surprise." His older brother twinkled with a hidden smile. "I'll just have to give you this, when I return, since you so forgetfully chose not to remind me…"
Again, tears erupted. Sasuke flung his arms around his brother's neck and nuzzled into it. Sobs racked his upper chest, the younger form heaving to the only one, the only one person in this household who ever seemed to notice. Mikoto had wandered off elsewhere to collect flowers for an antique vase. Tiny fingertips clutched helplessly at fabric, and every, oh every eyelash..
So close
Too close for him to withstand
His heart thumped uncontrollably – should he give into these worthless cries of desperation?
Oh, but oh, so wonderfully lost in a tide…
"'niisan.. I don't want you to go! Please don't go, 'niisan!"
There was a quiver of fear in Sasuke's tone that seemed to be hiding something. The Secret. Itachi knew about it. Sasuke and Fugaku did not. But Itachi knew, yes, he knew… teeth clenched together, and reluctantly, stronger appendages weaved around his little form. Sasuke reacted through bunching himself up to the male – almost immediately, lips made contact with cool flesh. His cheek. And woe, that cheek, infinitely shaded itself bright crimson. Strands of raven hung in his face beautifully, happening to be bound with that hitai ate, blast it. His heart shuddered once. … Dangerous. It was a strange feeling that allowed itself to imprint upon his mind.
Petals..
Like flowers.. they moved slowly for his littler one's own pair. They connected. Sheer, like water and lightning, both boys at once began their charade of sexual hormones that pulsed through veins at bursting rate. A heavy breath made itself known in Itachi's mouth, forcing itself to Sasuke's. And Sasuke, little Sasuke unaware of what this was, in itself – he whimpered. Simply uttered a noise of defeat, and he settled where his older brother was sitting upon the ground, backed against the front door.. legs wrapped around his waist, and their teeth clashed together hotly. Itachi's larger tongue forced itself into Sasuke's small cavern, mingling with saliva at boiling point and lips crashed – crashed – CRASHED – more, more, more! Fingers entwined, heavy gasps from rising rapidly and falling chests.
"Hhf.. Nh.."
Either of them, their faces flushed slightly, perhaps from either embarrassment of natural arousal. And Itachi's soft hand pressed to the mid-section of Sasuke's spine, so that the miniscule form had arched its hips forward sharply. They collided forcefully with Itachi's, who of course reacted by throwing his own upward so that the lower-portion of each two bodies were aligned perfectly for a moment – a moment of pressure that sent hot coils of pleasure surging through his 'niisan's abdomen, hissing, more raged kisses that became bites, nips, NEEDING licks, their muscles dousing necks with clear liquid, bruises upon bruises that greened and purpled slightly..
And Itachi had to leave.
Really don't deserve it
but now there's nothing you can do
so sleep in your only memory of me
my dearest mother
"Can I be… 'niisan's wife?"
The boy gazed up cheerfully to his older brother, who returned that look flatly. They were standing at the front door (fifteen minutes later).
Itachi leaned down, his body doubled, and poked Sasuke's nose.
"Hai.. aibou. Aibou from this point. And no one shall know," he said softly.
Sasuke blinked.
"Demo… .. doushite?"
"The adults will panic. We'll both be in trouble, banned from the village."
"Doushite?"
Itachi groaned. ANNOYING, damn it. And his time was limited, to leave here and be where he needed to be…
"Just don't say anything," his expression remained bright the entire time.
"Okay!" Sasuke chirped.
And the door slammed shut, all of his older brother's belongings taken, and his room empty.
Later that night, the child curled up into a crying little ball within those missing-ice sheets and mourned Itachi's mission. Then, he snuck into 'kaasan and 'tousan's bedroom when he became frightened in the middle of the night because it was so dark. His stomach flipped repeatedly. Itachi's room lacked a nightlight, unlike his own.
He stopped in the middle of his parents' bedroom and vomited all over 'tousan's dirty underwear and cleanly folded robes.
"Heaven help me."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye
goodbye
goodbye
He could not think. He could not breathe. His body was outstretched in a manner that couldn't possibly look attractive to anyone. Beads of sweat rolled down his cheeks. Since he had returned, it had only gotten worse. The dreams that consumed him every night, plunging him into a dark abyss. He would not give in, no -- But he was running, running through the road, his brother's eyes on him at all times. Surreal.
He was going to vomit! His knees shook, his fists clenched, he trembled from head to toe. "Ah.. Ahh! I'm.. I'm scared!" The only words that left his lips when he had fled the scene, stumbling due to his injuries. Sobbing, the warm tears spilling down his cheeks, he relived his torment. Tossing and turning, lost in the maze that was his comforter, perspiration causing his pale flesh to shine, for him to feel overheated.. Then again, he had also been sick for the past few days, with fever..
At the point that crimson hues bored into his own, cut into his soul, images of red and gray flashing before him -- His screams, deafening in his ears, head felt like it would explode -- He felt like he was having a seizure even -- When his eyes had flashed open, he was swallowing large gulps of air, knew that he was broken again and crying, orbs squinted, cheeks damp, pillow saturated with saliva that had drooled as a result of the mental damage that had returned after so long. Moonlight flooded inside of the window, shrouding him.
It was also hard to sit up. Hard for the tears to continue falling like they did; digits shakily, slowly lowered the blanket down to his ankles, and he pulled his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them. He buried his nose into both, eyes shutting tightly.. And.. Even though he was still laying on his side, Sasuke.. Felt it ripping at his chest. Pain..
But what had he said to 'Kaasan? To 'Tousan? He'd always wondered such.. They rolled down, dripped, like water would from a faucet. But this time, Sasuke felt empty. Lonely. The same feeling that he had felt just after Itachi's horrific paroxysm.. The youngest Uchiha, unable to defend himself because he had been weak. What would have happened if he hadn't put a grudge on Itachi? What would have happened if Itachi had not joined Akatsuki.. If he had not gone behind his family's back and planned genocide?
There was no way of knowing. Because that was not what had happened; instead, his elder brother had stained his hands with crimson sin. Had opted to kill off his brother inside, had sent him in a flurry of hate, thirst to prove himself. Sasuke had always told himself that a real Shinoubi didn't lament.. Because they dealt with loss, they knew the loss. Because grieving wasn't going to bring back the sweet caress of a mother's lips to his skin.
Would not bring back a father's strong arms to wrap around his waist and compliment his hard work at the Academy. Or the pride that had surged through his veins when he had said, "You are truly my child." No more. How could he be that son, when the corpses had hit the floor? Itachi had stolen everything from him. That same pride, the little he had developed, the spotlight, and the love he longed for. And that same envy led to everyone's demise.. And his own.
He wanted it. He needed it. Someone to hold him, deep inside, he wanted it, a flurry of hatred dancing inside of his heart that made his nimble body crave what it had been denied...
(it had been about three weeks since then)
and he shrank
that young boy shrank
Lord God, he drew knees to his chest, rocked back and forth, shaking, quivering, he couldn't let it out, and it wouldn't let itself, no it wouldn't come.. pupils wide, but without weeping for this amount of time, and all he felt was fear that slowly, slowly subsided like a snail on hot blacktop. But it didn't stop what stabbed at his chest, what wrapped around him like a rubberband becoming tighter and tighter.
Something to sleep.
help him
help him float, eternally
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes...
"'niisan..." he whispered, for a final time, perhaps.. perhaps.
"'n-... 'niisan.. haa.."
And they came
desperately
finally
before he could understand
wet fluid
shouts of anguish
hands clenched at damp sheets, and he shook with sobs.
eternally
Eternally.
So kill me now.
----Review, please----