After Lydia got home everyone noticed it, the change in her. She never turned up to school or pack gatherings or anything in which she would leave her house. At first Scott told everyone to give her space, he claimed she just needed some time to adapt back into her old life. But after a week no one had seen or heard from her. Stiles had phoned her twice, texted her multiple times, Scott had left some concerned texts, Kira had called a couple of times and Malia had left her a supportive message. However none of the groups efforts had been able to reach Lydia. She was isolated, and it seemed that's how she wanted to be.

Exactly one week after Lydia left Eichen house Stiles had stopped by her house to check up on her. But Natalie, Lydia's mom, assured him she was just trying to catch up on her rest and that she would talk to him when she was ready. Stiles wasn't convinced but he knew he had to respect her boundaries. No one knew exactly what Lydia went through while she was locked up but it seemed to have traumatised her enough and Stiles didn't want to push her while she was vulnerable.

It had been two weeks since Lydia had seemingly fallen off the map when she finally saw the pack again. They were meeting up after school at their usual coffee shop when Lydia turned up completely out of the blue. Malia was the first to hug her with a huge grin plastered on her face, she told her that she was happy she was finally seeming more like herself despite Lydia being in sweatpants and a jumper.

As soon as Malia stepped back Kira straight away wrapped her arms around Lydia's neck, telling her she was happy to see her feeling better and that Lydia could always talk to her. Of course Lydia appreciated the sentiments but the least she wanted to do was talk about Eichen house, she didn't need to relive the memories, she was coping just fine locking them away.

Then Stiles hugged her, tightly, also with a stupid smile on his face. He whispered that he was glad she was okay. Even though Lydia too appreciated him, hearing him say that just made her feel worse, because she wasn't okay, she wasn't better or more herself either. She was just acting, playing the part of 'I'm fine' just like she always has. People told her she was strong but she wasn't. Lydia was weak, she always had been, she wasn't strong enough to deal with her problems like most people so she just pretended she was okay until it was natural enough for her to believe it herself. That was her life now, one tragedy after the next and all the pointless stuff in between.

"We're glad your back Lydia" Scott spoke, and she did her best fake smile, teeth and everything.

"Me too." And everyone just bought it, because anything on the contrary would mean they had more problems, and who wanted more?

Lydia yawned as she entered the kitchen. Her mom was pouring coffee into a mug, dressed in her proper work clothes which always included a patterned dress and matching heels. Lydia remembered when she used to notice her mom and all the effort she put into her appearance, she always complimented her when she looked particularly nice. She never did that anymore, who really cares?

Ever since her mum locked her away in a mental facility Lydia never looked at her the way she used to.

"Hey, you want any coffee?" Her moms voice was kind as always, hiding layers upon layers of resentment.

Lydia shook her head with her lips pressed together. She wasn't getting out of the habit she picked up in Eichen house. Talking as little as possible.

"Look, sweetie I think we should chat." Natalie set the coffee jug on the counter and looked at Lydia with a concerned expression. "The school aren't going to put up with your absence forever, you're going to have go back eventually." Lydia sighed out of boredom. She was going to go back, just not on anyone else's terms. "I just don't think there's much point in putting it off any longer, it's been three weeks, are you sure you're not ready yet."

"Mom seriously-"

"Just go today, you only have a couple of lessons anyway you can go home as soon as you're done."

"I don't think-"

"Lydia, I don't know how else to say this but you have to go to school and study and finish the year, or they're just going to kick you out." Lydia could hear the impatience in her mother's voice and rolled her eyes. She didn't even need to stay an extra year who cared if she didn't turn up. "What is it, are you scared-?"

"No!" Lydia cut her mom off abruptly, anger clear in her tone. Lydia wasn't afraid of school, a few years ago she practically owned it.

"Well then I think you can survive one day." Her mother flashed her a close mouthed smile and handed her the mug of coffee before leaving the room.

Lydia stood alone with her hot drink, she felt sick to her stomach. Her mom hadn't really given her anymore options other than to go to school and she hated that. She felt powerless and that made her angry. Not bothering with the drink she dropped the mug on the floor carelessly, staring straight ahead calmly, hearing it smash to pieces at her feet.

As she entered through the school doors everything she never thought about came back to her. Lessons, teachers, pupils, grades, books, everything. She was ready for this, for school. She hadn't let herself think very far ahead, of what going back to school meant, but she could see it now. It was over, Eichen house, the dread doctors, the desert wolf. Now she was back to waiting, back to getting on with her life until some other murderous creature came out of the woodwork and the cycle started again. She didn't know how many of these cycles she'd survive, Allison was finally taken in one. Lydia didn't want to wait for something else. She couldn't let her life be just this. She needed to have control, she needed to have control over her future.

"Lydia!" She heard Stiles call her name from the other end of the hall. She snapped out of her daze and looked up to see him pushing past the pupils, making his way towards her. "Hey, you came to school today, that's great." He stood in front of her each hand pulling on the straps of his backpack. She gave him a tight lipped smile before looking away. She knew Stiles was saying something but she couldn't focus on him at the moment.

"D'you see that, crazy girls back. What d'you think took her so long, the voices in her head told her she should milk it for another week?" A boy from the year below was talking to a girl as he leaned against a locker. The guy's head was down as he chuckled coyly meaning he didn't see her approach.

She was centimetres away when he finally saw her, she was walking purposefully towards him, a determined expression on her face. She could see the fear clear in his eyes, it was immediate, and intensified when she pushed him back into the lockers with her forearm across his throat. She felt powerful, in control, which was a pleasant change to how she had been feeling lately.

"You wanna' say that to my face, jackass?" Her tone was calm and even.

She could hear apologies rolling off his tongue but she didn't listen to a word of them. He was scared, and she loved it, revelled in it. He couldn't stop her, couldn't force her off, she was free and unstoppable.

Lydia heard Stiles' pleads to 'drop it' and 'let him go'. Not even her brown haired, stuttering boy could tell her what to do.

Her knee connected with the kid's groin and he doubled over in pain. She took advantage of his position, grabbing him by the shoulders and with strength she knew she had, threw his lanky frame across the hall. People moved out the way as his back slammed against the lockers, resonating a loud thud. Lydia left no time to spare as she approached the defenceless guy and kicked him in the gut as hard as she could. She then continued to do so, over and over again, her hands supporting her on the lockers. Redness seemed to spill onto the floor after the fourth kick.

She nearly struck him a sixth time until two strong arms flung her back. The abrupt collision with the grey metal caused her head to whip back, radiating pain through her body. Closing her eyes in a wince, Lydia reached a hand to the back of her head, there didn't seem to be any blood.

The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes were Scott's staring right back into hers. She saw his hands on her arms before she felt them. He looked intense and shocked, she pushed him back as if he'd burnt her. She wasn't his responsibility and he didn't need to act like he had to fix her.

As she looked to her left she saw the crowds of people gathered around staring in absolute shock. It was in that moment her hearing seemed to kick in and she could hear all their gasps, whispers, shouts, all of it. She looked over to Scott with the same judgemental look on his face and noticed Malia standing behind him to the left. Her arms were flexed and she looked ready to tackle. Lydia knew, somehow, she was the one who pushed her away from the kid. Her eyes were wide and shocked, fixated on Lydia...just like Stiles' were.

He was stood next to Malia staring at her incredulously. He was clearly shocked but there was something else there, disappointment. That was by far the worse look she was getting. She didn't owe Stiles anything neither did she have to live up to his expectations, yet the look still bothered her.

Her hands gripped the steering wheel in an attempt to stop them shaking so violently. She was staring straight ahead, motionlessly, into the school parking lot. Thoughts were rushing through her head, what the hell was she doing? Did the Eichen house doctors do something to her? Did the dread doctors do something to her? Was that poor kid ok? A knocking on her passenger window startled her causing her to suck in a short breath.

Stiles was bent down, peering in through the glass with an expectant look on his face. Lydia felt stubborn and looked away, silently refusing to let him in. She didn't want to deal with his questions right now and neither did she have to.

"Lydia, hey open up" his voice was clear through the window yet she still ignored him "c'mon...Lydi-"

"Go away Stiles" Lydia still didn't look at him. "I don't need anyone telling me I'm crazy." Lydia let out a loud huff and ran a hand through her hair. She was frustrated, all she wanted was to be left alone to self-loathe.

"Seriously, after everything we've been through, I'd never call you crazy" he said the word like it was the first time, as if it was alien to him. She turned to look at him in the window. His eyes were so honest it made her heart swell.

Reluctantly she unlocked the car allowing him to climb in, which he did immediately.

"I get if you don't wanna talk about it-"

"I don't." She answered, barely letting him finish his sentence. "Crap" Lydia muttered under her breath as she saw her mom walk out of the school doors looking around the lot. Without giving Stiles a chance to even process what was going on she pulled out of the school as fast as possible.

"Woah, hey slow down." Stiles panicked as he clutched the dashboard.

She pressed her foot to the gas as they got onto a straight road.

"Lydia are you sure you're okay to drive?" She ignored him.

"Lydia, c'mon" the road was empty in front of her, trees on either side. It was like she was drowning, his voice was lost in her head.

Stiles heart was speeding up almost as fast as the car was, Lydia was about to break 80mph and showing no signs of slowing down. "Lydia pull over...Now!" He started yelling as she centred the car in the middle of the road. They reached 90mph and Stiles was damn scared.

Lydia wasn't even listening it was like she was somewhere else completely, staring onto the open road ahead. Stiles was still yelling at her to stop the car, to snap out of it but she continued to be unresponsive.

The speed just hit 100mph as a Lorry spun round the corner a couple miles in front. Lydia turned the wheel so the car was heading directly for it.

"Lydia no! Stop!" Stiles didn't waste a second before he reached over and grabbed the steering wheel, sharply turning it.

The car missed the Lorry by a centimetre which seemed to snap Lydia out of her daze. Her foot came immediately off the gas and onto the break, only it was too late as the car flew off the road and collided straight on with a huge oak tree.

Both the teens were thrown forward before flopping back on their seats, heads flying back and fourth.

The first thing Lydia felt when she came too was a sharp pain in her neck. She winced and groaned reaching a hand to her head. "Lydia, hey, you okay?"

She turned her head with a grimace to see Stiles' worried expression. They were still in the car with seat belts around the bodies and deflated air bags in front of them. She looked Stiles up and down and he seemed okay, no blood or bruises.

"My leg, I think it's jammed" the car was completely crushed at the front so she had no idea what was digging into her ankle.

Stiles tried to lean over and see but eventually gave up. "I'm gonna get help okay, the lorry driver just drove off so just sit tight" he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell, which was surprisingly in tact, before climbing out of her now ruined car.

She could barely hear him outside on the phone, Lydia was too focused on trying to get her foot out. She tried pulling it up but something sharp was clawing at her ankle. She let out an irritated groan as angry tears gathered in her eyes. This was all her fault, there was something seriously wrong with her.

"Lydia, you alright?" Stiles face appeared as he opened her door to get a better look at her feet.

"I'm fine I just can't get my foot out." Her tone was clearly impatient.

"Just hang in there, the police are on their way."

"Well everything seems fine considering, minimal bruising on your temple and a cut on your left foot, none of which will have any lasting damage" Melissa recalled as she looked at her file. "Your x-ray's show no fractures or broken bones...so you got pretty lucky". Lydia was sat on the edge of a hospital bed, her legs dangling.

"Yeah, I mean that truck kinda just came out of nowhere"

Stiles had told her to lie while they were waiting, he claimed no one else needed to know what happened and Lydia was more than happy to comply.

Everything happened pretty fast once the ambulance arrived. They managed to get her out of the car and into the ambulance where they determined that she was in fact fine but without proper tests they couldn't be sure. Stiles rode in the ambulance with her repeatedly asking if they were sure she was okay. It was endearing at first but that soon wore off.

She found it wasn't at all like the movies where everyone crowds round in a panic and see a still body being pulled out on a stretcher, then in the ambulance all the medics are frantic but strangely calm, doing everything like they'd done it a thousand times. It was actually pretty dull, the journey was around 10 minutes long, there were no sirens or flashing lights just an uncomfortable silence as they waited to get to the hospital. The doctor told her they would notify her parents as soon as they got her information but she told him not to worry.

When they arrived Melissa met them at the door, clearly not expecting to see them. She insisted Stiles get himself checked out who reluctantly agreed. Then she had x-rays and vital checks and now here she is sat on a hospital bed. Her mum was waiting in the lobby after Lydia told her to wait somewhere else, there was no need for Natalie to stand there and make little pitiful comments the whole time.

"You're pretty much free to go." Melissa smiled that typical mum smile they all seemed to have.

"Thank you." Lydia whispered as she slid off the bed.

Melissa held a hand out the stop her "I ask you this as a friend not a nurse...are you okay? Scott told me about Eichen house and he brought this kid in a couple hours ago, said something happened between the two of you?" Melissa sounded confused as she spoke, like she was expecting Lydia to say it was all just a misunderstanding.

Lydia let out a soft chuckle, "yeah, I kinda lost my temper a little, but I'm okay, momentary lapse of judgement." Lydia smiled again as she attempted a second time to leave.

Again Melissa stopped her. "Are you sure, I mean he had a broken rib-and y'know, he was pretty banged up"

"He had a broken rib?" Lydia's voice was barely above a whisper.

Melissa's hands quickly shot out to comfort her, rubbing her biceps sympathetically. "He's gonna be okay, they didn't operate in the end."

"They were gonna operate?!"

"I have a feeling I should stop talking" Melissa seemingly said to herself.

"Oh my god, I had no idea." Lydia said hurriedly. As she began to rush out the room, ignoring Melissa's calls.

She was welcomed into the lobby with her mother rushing up to her and asking if she was okay. Lydia pushed past her and walked straight up to the brown eyed boy with a concerned look, "where is he?" Her voice was frantic and desperate.

Stiles looked surprised at first like he was expecting her to say something else, but the look was soon replaced with confusion "who?"

"The guy...the guy f-from school" she stuttered in her rush.

"Oh!" Stiles' eyes widened in realisation. "Scott...Scott's with him, they're just like 2 floors up, c'mon." She followed Stiles thought the corridors of sick people and into the elevator at the bottom of the hall. The second the doors closed he turned to her. "Are you okay, what did Melissa say?"

"I'm fine, she said there was no lasting damage." Stiles reached up to her temple to see the bruise there.

"Good." He pulled his hand back after a second.

"How about you? Are you hurt?" Stiles could sense the hidden worry in her voice and was silently touched.

"I'm fine, not a bruise" he smiled down. A moment of peacefulness settled on them but was cut short as the elevator doors opened. Scott was sat on a chair about halfway up the corridor nursing a cup of coffee, he looked tired.

Lydia approached Scott not bothering with pleasantries, "Is he in there?"

Scott looked shocked for a second before his human nature took over. "Lydia! Are you okay? What happened with the accident, Stiles said it would be better coming from you...?" He searched her eyes as if they would somehow give anything away.

She rolled her eyes at his blatant ignorance "I'm fine, is he in there?" She spoke more forcefully this time.

Scott spared a glance at Stiles before looking towards the ground "Lydia, I don't think it's a good idea you go in there, he's pretty shaken up." His voice was so soft it made her stomach churn.

"What do you mean? I'm just gonna talk to him." She tried to just go past him to the door but he put an arm around her middle and pushed her back.

"Lydia, you're not going in there." She saw the change immediately, he looked her in the eyes this time, there was no sympathy in his voice, this was an alpha talking to someone in his pack.

"Scott, I need to apologise." She pleaded with him, but his jaw was set and there was no hesitation in his stance.

"No, not now. He's scared and he's vulnerable. You attacked him for telling some pathetic joke, don't you understand that?!" His voice has rose "he's 15 years old and has a broken rib, he's probably not going to be in school again for months, and that's for a physical recovery. Who knows what kind of emotional scars you've caused!" He was almost to full blown yelling when Stiles held his hand out gently telling Scott that was enough. He took a few deep breaths before turning away from her. She felt even worse as Scott was struggling to even look at her. He took another deep breath, this one sounding more like a resolve. "I know that there's something wrong with you, I do. But right now, until we figure this thing out, you have to stay out of school, just stay indoors, I don't want you hurting anyone else, especially when there's no one there to stop you. Okay?" He was watching her closely as if she could kick off at any second.

Lydia nodded obediently. She felt Stiles' hand on her back guiding her away, she blindly followed. She felt numb all over. Scott was right, who knows what she would've done to that child if no one had pulled her off. She wouldn't of killed him though...right? Not like she almost killed Stiles. She barely remembers what happened. All she can recall is thinking nothing, her movements were controlled, and she had control over her body but her mind was blank, she nearly killed her best friend because she couldn't think of anything else to do. She had to fix this before anyone else got hurt.

They left the hospital out the back to avoid running into her mother again. Neither said a word; Lydia was seemingly in a trance after what Scott had forced her to realise, and Stiles had simply nothing to say to her. He knew Scott was right, about everything he said. Including the part about how something was wrong with her. 'What' was the question that was floating around his mind. He had no idea. Was it supernatural? Dread doctors? Eichen? So many thoughts wafted through his head, but one in particular he couldn't quite shake the thought of. What if Lydia was possessed? Chances are it wouldn't be another nogitsune, that would be too easy of course. This would be something they've never encountered before, have no idea what to do with, and end up taking months to figure out a way to kill, in which time innocent people have been murdered, or turned, or what ever else this thing could do because they have no clue what it is. He hears his dad call his name from across the car park. He was leaning against his police car. The hospital had called him while he was on duty and told him Stiles had been in an accident. However they had failed to tell him that he was okay and Sheriff Stillinski had driven like a maniac with his car lights flashing only to run into the hospital to see his son sat in one of the waiting room chairs a bored expression on his face and not a single scratch in sight. He'd then waited with Stiles to see if Lydia was ok, before going to get a coffee and getting a text from his son to meet him outside to drive him and his lunatic banshee friend home.

He walked said friend to the car and sat with her in the back seats. He knew he was staring at her and he knew she knew too, but he just didn't care. She looks so sad it broke his heart. He tried his best not to reach for her hand, but he had to do something. Her eyes were staring straight ahead they were slightly wet and empty. He just wanted to make the pain or the guilt go away. She jumped a little when he touched her but then she looked at him making eye contact for only a second and relaxed. He wanted to tell her it was all going to be okay but his dad was right there. He didn't him getting suspicious of what really happened, so he settled for giving her a reassuring smile and squeezing her much smaller hand in his.

The car ride was pretty much silent, he wasn't sure whether it was out of fear of saying the wrong thing or out of respect for his friend, but his dad never spoke a word. He tried his best not to watch Lydia too much but he couldn't help the anxiety he was feeling. He didn't think Lydia would actually do anything but she was sat right behind his dad, like right behind. It was stupid, yes, but after all the times he nearly lost his father, forgive him for being a little over protective. The thought of protecting his father from Lydia seemed weird. He tried not to over think it.

She wanted to say something to Stiles, she really did. She wanted to apologise and tell him that she wouldn't of known what she would've done with herself if he was hurt, but his dad didn't know, and she wasn't going to be the one to break it to him that she tried to kill his son.

Stiles never let go of her hand the whole trip. She didn't really want to let go of his either. She appreciates him, she really does, but what she needs right now is to be alone, she can't look him in the eyes without remembering what she did. She felt so immensely guilty. For hurting that kid, whose name she should really find out, and for totalling her car and just everything that happened today.

The car came to a stop outside her house. She thanked the Sheriff for the lift before walking up to her front door, luckily her mum must've forgotten to lock the door when she rushed out because Lydia had literally nothing on her. She opened the door and stepped into the familiar door way. So much had happened since she left this morning. It was almost dark now, considering it was still in the middle of summer. She turned around to wave Stiles and his dad goodbye only to find Stiles jogging up the stone path towards her.

"Hey, wait up!" He called waving a hand to her as if she wasn't looking directly at him.

"Stiles, I'm fine, go home." She moaned. She noticed the car behind him pulling away slowly "Stiles you're dad he's leaving." She sounded half confused half surprised.

He glanced behind him dismissively which only confused her more. "Yeah, I told him I'd stay here tonight. He understands." He sounded so unsure.

"Understands? Understands what? There's nothing to understand!" She was almost shouting, which when she thought about did seem kind or unreasonable.

"Y'know, you went through a lot today. And after everything don't you think it's best you're not alone tonight?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"I don't need a babysitter so you better call your dad and tell him to come back." She left no room for argument yet just like Stiles always did he found a way.

"Well I don't have my phone and neither do you so..." She rolled her eyes, tempted to just shut the door in his face and leave him to find his own way. Not that he wouldn't just sit on her doorstep and wait for her to give in, which of course she would.

"Fine." She gave in still not moving from the doorway. They stood tensely for a few moments, Lydia refusing to move and Stiles refusing to ask her to move because he knew she was doing it on purpose. In an attempt to get her to step backwards he takes a step forward until they're almost chest to chest. He hears her inhale sharply but she doesn't move. His heart is racing a little, by a little he means a lot. They've certainly never been this close before. They were so close he can smell her perfume. If he were to lean down just a little...

She takes a step back huffing clearly annoyed at losing their little game. He can't say he's not disappointed she gave up so quickly. The rest of the night drags by, she was pretty touchy all evening so he opted to watch a movie to try and limit the amount of talking. They watched 3 movies that were all romantic comedies, all picked by Lydia because every time he tried to compromise with her she'd bite his head off, figuratively.

Her mum had come home about 20 minutes after them and had yelled at Lydia for a good half hour, Stiles had tried to stay out of it but he knew Lydia was tired and irritated and didn't want to deal with her mother right now. Som when he explained to her mum that Lydia was just shaken up and it was him that had persuaded her to leave without telling her. She didn't roll her eyes or tell him she didn't need him to fight her battles for her. Instead she just gave him a small smile when he looked at her. That's probably why he didn't seem to mind when Natalie gave him one of those looks she had when she was making another mental note of something that happened that was his fault. She really didn't seem to like him.

In all fairness Lydia's annoyance at him was toned down for the rest of the night, nevertheless it was still there.

So when she told him to take the left side of the bed, he didn't argue that he'd sleep on the floor or the sofa, nor did he say he always slept in the middle. Trying his best not to give her a reason to be pissed at him, not that she wasn't doing a superb job at finding them anyway, he kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket before climbing into the bed. He made sure to turn on his side while she got changed so that he wouldn't be watching her, but when he felt the bed dip next to him he couldn't help but turn to see her. She was already facing him; her hair was tied up with a bobble, her face makeup-less and fresh and he couldn't see what she was wearing exactly under the covers but he knew it wasn't much, not that he even cared right now anyway because she had a look in her eye. He was pretty sure the last time she looked at him like this was back when he was comforting her when she got upset about not finding Barrow in the school. She looked so shocked that someone could care so much abut her. He wasn't sure what exactly had gone right tonight to warrant such a look but he couldn't bring himself to break the moment and ask. He was facing her completely now. It felt like hours that they just stared at each other and honestly he could've gone for a lot longer just looking at her but she didn't seem to feel the same.

Her voice came out like a whisper, as if she didn't know exactly how this would go down. "I'm sorry, for today. I'm sorry that I've been mean to you, I'm sorry I almost killed you, and that I beat up that boy. I'm really sorry." He doesn't think he's ever really seen her like this. She looks like she's about to cry. Sure he's seen her cry before, like once. But this was different, how, he didn't know, but it was.

"It's okay, I get it." He whispered too. He wanted to wipe her tears away but he had a feeling that would be too far.

"How? I've been awful to you all night, and that's it...you just get it?" She was still looking at him like that. As if he was some awe inspiring creation made just for her.

"I get it, I just do, okay? I get that you feel guilty, and you were just trying to wind me up so i would get mad at you. I get that you want me to yell at you and blame you for everything. I get that you need me to hate you for what you did so that you can get what you think you deserve. But, Lydia, it wasn't your fault, okay? You can't blame yourself, it wasn't you in that hallway and it wasn't you in the car. I know you, and I know you aren't capable of those things. You're good Lydia"

She kissed him. She actually kissed him. He watched her lean forwards in the bed and he felt her hand on the back of his neck pulling him forwards and he felt her lips on his. It was honestly the most amazing feeling he's ever had. It took him a while, but eventually he snapped out of his daze and responded, it was slow at first, neither moved much. But then something kicked in and he started pulling her closer. She deepened the kiss letting her nails scrape across his scalp. It was incredible, every second of it. Until it wasn't.

He felt her nimble fingers pull at the front of his jeans and his senses came back to him. They were a blessing and a curse, because he remembered exactly what he'd been saying just moments ago. He pulled her wrists away from his crotch and tried his best to savour the last few seconds before she pulled away. She looked the most beautiful he'd ever seen her, although he's pretty sure he says that every time he sees her. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips pouty from their little make out session. God, he really wanted to kiss her again.

Her eyes were so confused, boring into his. He let go of her wrists and rolled onto his back sighing. He couldn't look at while she was like that and trust himself not to do something stupid.

"What is it? Did I do something?" He could practically hear the insecurity in her voice.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong it's just..." He sighed again. This had to be the worst timing possible.

"Just what?" She sounded slightly annoyed but he just put that down as impatience.

"Lydia, you're not you right now. The you you, I'd love to do this with, but this you, I can't Lyds." He swallowed still not daring to look at her.

"Right" he felt the bed move as she got up. He wanted to go after her, but he wasn't exactly sure what he'd say. He doesn't regret stopping it and he meant what he'd said, it didn't mean it hurt any less though, for either of them. He heard the door shut and the light footsteps going down the stairs. He tried to just go to sleep, but it felt wrong sleeping in Lydia's bed without her there. She was gone for what felt like hours but according to her alarm clock was in fact 23 minutes. He smelt the alcohol on her as soon as she climbed in next to him. He didn't say anything. Nevertheless he fell asleep a lot quicker when he felt her hand intertwine with his.

Lydia woke up the next morning with a small gasp. She wasn't sure why but she felt out of breath, very out of breath. It was almost like she'd been drowning and only just broke the water for air. Her first reaction was to check where she was, the sudden dreaded feeling that she wasn't in her room anymore. She opened her eyes and scanned the room. She saw her dresser and her alarm clock and then the dreading feeling was gone. She was home. After that she acknowledged that she wasn't alone. She turned to see Stiles awake and looking at her contently. She felt her heart rate slow down.

"You okay?" His voice was laced with sleep and his eyes seemed slightly drowsy, how could someone be this adorable at 7 o'clock in the morning. She shook the thought away immediately.

"Yeah" she sounded just as tired as he did, her voice coming out as a whisper. Her head was throbbing, which she assumed was due to the vodka shots she downed the night before. After Stiles had rejected her, she just knew she couldn't lay there next to him anymore. She felt like everything was falling apart around her. She was so obviously out of her mind, and as much as Stiles did understand her, no one seemed to understand what this was. Last night for a minute there she had forgotten it all. She didn't feel guilty, Stiles made her forget. But then he'd reminded her. He'd said that the reason he couldn't be with her was because of the one thing she just wanted to move on from. Guaranteed, it had only been 10 hours.

So when Stiles stopped being able to make her forget she opted for a more reliable source, her mothers liquor cabinet.

"We should probably get up 'round about now." He glanced at the clock behind her before meeting her eyes again. He didn't move, enjoying the moment too much.

"Mmhm" Lydia didn't feel like getting up and she sure as hell wasn't going to school. Not the day after she beat someone up in front of every damn pupil in that god forsaken place.

Stiles hesitated for a moment before getting up. She assumed he was going to school, considering he wasn't the school nut job. And he did, he didn't speak to her much, he wanted to get home as soon as possible so he would have time to shower and change. She doesn't know exactly how he got home considering he had no phone or car. But ten minutes after he shut the door to her bedroom she wandered downstairs to find him gone. She didn't text him or call him. In fact she didn't make contact with anyone. Her mums name popped up on the home phone screen a couple times through the day but she didn't answer.

Somehow weeks seemed to fly by after that day. Her mum came home to tell her that after her little altercation in the hallway she would be spending a few months doing her studies at home. Basically they kicked her out for 6 weeks with a promise that there would be no charges pressed and it wouldn't be on her permanent record as long as she did exactly as she was told. Surely she should care more about her education being ruined but she had bigger problems to deal with.

So to pass the time while all her friends were studying and revising for tests and exams, she shopped, and read, and went for coffee, and went to museums and did literally anything to pass the time.

And bless their hearts they tried so hard. Stiles researched almost every night about possessing spirits and behaviour changing drugs and anything he could think of to excuse what she did. Kira spoke to her mum and her dad and anyone else she could find about banshees and things that happened to them. And Scott spoke to Deaton, he didn't really know what else to do. Yet no matter how hard they tried, it was useless. Lydia knew what was wrong, and it wasn't supernatural. It was PTSD. It was human, and there was no amount of herbs or spells or Druids that could wish it away. So as the weeks past and every evening she'd get texts and calls about new leads on how to fix her she started to resent them. Even though she knew they had good intentions she started hating them, a little more every time they said 'we're gonna fix you.' And it built up. Her self-respect that she'd been earning since she got over Jackson was just dissipating. She hated herself more and more. Every time she looked in the mirror she just saw a broken little girl who needed saving, and after a month of self-loathing she had definitely hit rock bottom.

So when she met Lucas Miller in a coffee shop it was a surprisingly nice change of pace. He was new in town and a couple years older than her meaning he wasn't aware of the gossip that travelled down the corridors Beacon Hills High School these days. It was nice. He didn't know about werewolves or banshees or kitsunes (or at least he didn't mention them if he did) and he didn't know she was in a pack, or that she spent a month in a mental institute or that she wandered around the woods naked for nine days. He made her forget. He made her forget when he told her he liked her, and when they kissed for the first time and when he first told her about his line of work. He also made her forget when he told her to smoke the joint he gave her, and when he convinced her to snort the white powders he brought for her, and when he offered the pills he had. Every time she took somethinghe gave her she forgot, and she didn't have to feel guilty or hurt or worthless or...anything. She could just be numb. Feeling numb was so much better.

A/N: Hopefully I will upload Chapter 2 as soon as possible, so please follow and favourite.