Author's note: I think I must really like Alice, to give her a story of her own. I messed up her life a bit in my first ever Twilight fanfic, 'if it hurts, is it love' (a Jasper and Leah pairing fic) so the muses decided to undo the damage. This one, as it was with the other story, is set after the events in Eclipse (my favourite book, because it has a whole lot of Jasper in it!). This story also came about because one of the reviewers said there should be an Alice-perspective of my previous story. This is it.
I do not own Twilight (I wouldn't know what to do if I did!). I wished I owned Jasper, though.
Reviews make my day. Twilight is a revered universe. Please let me know if I am doing the right thing or otherwise.
As I read the books, I have always imagined Paul Walker as Jasper (strong, silent, dangerous, blond type) but I think Jackson Rathbone is GREAT Jasper (what beautiful eyes!). As I write, I alternate between the two of them, though most of the time, Jackson Rathbone seems to win.
And that is the longest ever author note I have ever written.
It is rare for a vampire to experience surprise. Which explained why none of her family came up to see her as she packed her things. It took her ten minutes to clear out her things; she would have managed it in three, but then Bella came to her room.
Bella did not say anything, but Alice saw in her visions Bella standing alone in the room and crying. That much was solid, so there is really no point in stopping what she was doing.
"Alice," Bella began, looking worried. She should be. A family of vampire was sitting in their living room, stunned beyond belief and her best friend was packing to leave.
Alice and Bella shared a great friendship, but it was nowhere compared to the bond she Alice had with Jasper. Maybe this would sound cold, definitely aloof if said out aloud, but leaving Bella and their friendship would not be that hard.
No relationship would be hard to break and overcome after the tie with your soul mate has been severed.
"Nothing, Bella," Alice was surprised at how calm she sounded. She did feel calm because her decision was in place. Nothing was concrete in her Sight yet; as long as she was here, she was bound to Jasper and that led to nothingness. Moments before Bella came in she had determined a different course of action for what had transpired.
"He is no longer in my Sight," Alice spoke. "I cannot see him…no matter how hard I push it. I can see the effects of a single decision for the span of a human life, but today, even if I try to push my Sight to tomorrow, I only see darkness."
"Maybe it's a glitch," Bella tried to reason. "Maybe it's the proximity with the wolf."
"Sam and Carlisle met up at the borders and I could see Carlisle after the meeting. Carlisle was upset and Sam went to yell at Leah," Alice said with a shrug, not stopping with her packing. She looked as if she was dancing around the room holding bundles of clothes.
"Leah?" Bella was surprised now.
That was when Alice finally looked at Bella. And Bella saw that vampire tears can be real; both beautiful to behold and heartbreaking at the same time.
"He was with her yesterday." Vampire perfection made Alice's statement come out in a melodic phrase. A normal human girl would have had a nervous breakdown uttering those words. "And today, I lost him."
Bella swallowed, wondering if an 'imprint' had occurred. Leah imprinting on Jasper. Female werewolf on male vampire.
"I heard Edward and Carlisle talking," Alice said. "Non-reversible on both sides. Leah is consumed with love for Jasper," she spoke without a trace of bitterness. "And Jasper would not be able to help but fall for her."
"But you are his soul mate," Bella said, angry that Alice is giving up already.
Alice smiled. "If I was, this would not have happened," she said, coming towards Bella. "Carlisle's faith had thought me a few things. Even if I had not believed in those things before, today I do. Things like this do not just happen, Bella. Maybe your meeting with Edward culminated to this."
"The breaking of your heart?" Bella countered back. "Our lives drifting further away from all that is normal?"
Alice almost laughed at Bella's outburst. She wanted to point out there was nothing normal when you were a vampire, but she understood what Bella was trying to say. Normal for Bella would be all the Cullens together, Edward and Bella together, Jacob running with his wolf pack. She touched Bella's face with a cold, granite hand; her actions gentle.
"I always want Jasper to be happy," Alice said her voice a whisper that could be heard by everyone in the house. "But even when we were together, I never actually felt he was with me all the time. He had never cheated on me, but something always eluded me. Maybe that part of Jasper was not for me."
"Oh, Alice…"
"No, Bella. This is not an occasion for sadness," Alice explained as Bella's tears fell on Alice's hand still touching her skin. "Jasper has found complete happiness. You know how that feels."
"But you're…"
"I have to leave because Jasper cannot be torn," Alice replied. "This hurts too, I will admit that. But it would hurt more if Jasper has to choose. And I do not want him to make a bad choice."
"How could you leave when you love him so much?" Bella asked.
"It is because I love him that I am leaving," was Alice's reply. "Jasper needs to be complete. You know, Leah imprinting on him has given me a new perspective."
Bella looked surprised. "What is it?" she asked, sniffing into a lavender-scented handkerchief Alice had given her.
"I think soul mates are not found by just walking into a diner in the middle of nowhere. Certain events have to happen. I have an eternity for that. I can think I can wait," Alice said, smiling.
Bella hugged Alice. "I'm sorry," Bella whispered to Alice.
"I am too," Alice's voice was almost indiscernible. "I miss him so much." They drew apart and Alice put a finger on Bella's lips. "Don't tell him that."
"You're leaving already?"
Alice just smiled and picked up her suitcases. Within three heartbeats, all her suitcases were gone, arranged neatly beside her car in the garage. "I have left something for him. Can you make sure he gets it?"
Bella nodded. She was crying openly now.
They walked downstairs to an eerily silent living room. The rest of the Cullens sat unmoving, watching Alice as she came down the stairs, their faces a marble mask. It was Carlisle who reacted first.
"Alice, you don't…"
Alice knew every single one of them had heard her when she was talking to Bella. "He needs this, Carlisle," was Alice's reply to his unspoken words.
"But we are a family," Esme pleaded. This was her forever and after; a family she could look after and nurture.
"And you will always know where I am," Alice said, to all of them. "I have just one thing to ask of you."
The rest of them knew her request before she even spoke of it. "Don't ever let him go. If he chooses to leave," she glanced at Edward. "Which he will, let him know that he will always have a family. But don't ever leave him."
Alice hugged Bella and the rest of them. The Cullens were stoic, but their heartbreak was evident in their eyes. "One more thing," Alice said, as she paused by the doorway. "Jasper did not ask for this. It is not his fault. Or the wolves. It's…"
And then she was gone. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of Bella sobbing. Bella looked around her and saw for the Cullens vulnerable for the first time. Their physique may be indestructible, but their heartbreak was probably as painful, perhaps more, as a human's. That left Bella wondering how Alice was going to cope with so much grief and sadness, even as she, with Edward by her side, felt like drowning. All Alice had were memories that would become distant and be nothing more than a thought and a broken heart.
She had been around the world uncountable times and now she could not choose any destination. For everywhere she would go, the memory of Jasper would haunt her.
India…Jasper discovering yoga. They also found out about karma and wondered how they would fit into the equation if they live forever as time.
The Middle East…Jasper nearly gave some Bedouins a heart attack as he emerged from the shades of the pyramids and onto the blazing hot sun. Alice had to sneak up from behind the nomads and surprise the camels, which the men went running after. Soon after, the legend of Tutankhamen returning to the mortal world was whispered at night amongst the desert-dwellers. It was said that the ancient pharaoh had descended on Earth as the son of Ra, for he glowed like a million stars. It was very amusing until Carlisle had found out and was horrified that Jasper had single-handedly changed the faith of the Bedouins for at least a few months.
China…Jasper attempted to drink from a frog and ended up with a slightly greenish tinge on his pale skin. Maybe it was the yak he had hunted the previous day that had eaten pesticide-laced grass.
So many places, so many memories. She would never escape from Jasper even if she would not be seeing him. It's just not the places they have been; Jasper was in every fiber of her being. To find a place without Jasper's memories would be futile; she had left remnants of her soul with him. She had only been complete with him. And now, she would be less of herself wherever she was.
She stood now, in the twilight of a June evening, staring out the balcony of her hotel room. St. Peter's Basilica, bathed in a halo of the soft evening sunlight, beckoned her. She had been to the Vatican a thousand times, with any one of the Cullens, but especially enjoyed her trips with Carlisle. Alice was never that much of a spiritual person, she had no memory of her human life; she had no idea what denomination she had belonged to. But Carlisle had assured her that that was irrelevant. The one truth was God, not religion and all Alice had to do was to believe in Him, Carlisle had told.
All of a sudden, she found herself missing Carlisle. She was like a boat in the middle of a stormy sea and the mere thought of Carlisle was like a beacon of calmness. She had not talked to him since she left Forks three weeks ago. She realized then, more than a trip to center of Carlisle's faith, she needed to hear Carlisle's voice herself. She picked up the phone and rang his private number at home and prayed no one else would answer it. At this moment, she could deal with…she only needed to speak with Carlisle. Of what, she was not sure. But she just needed to listen to…
"Hello?"
At the sound of Carlisle's voice, the tightness that had wound around her chest released and grief manifested itself in the form of tears that Alice never knew she was capable of spilling.
"Alice?"
"Carlisle…" Alice managed to say, as heartache and homesickness bore down on her.
"Where are you, sweetheart?" Carlisle's voice was anxious, but he kept it low. It was futile, but maybe the rest of them were out of range for the time being.
"I…"Alice did not want to say where she was. "I just wanted to hear your voice," she said truthfully.
"Oh, little one, I missed you so much," Carlisle's voice held relief and anxiety in equal amounts. "We all do. Tell me, where are you?"
"I…Not yet, Carlisle. I just can't say yet. I just arrived here last evening."
"We were worried.'
"I should have told you where I was. I apologize," Alice replied. "It's just that it took me a while to find a place that is…peaceful."
"Have you found it?"
"Yes. It is complete with the sound of your voice."
Carlisle chuckled. Alice could imagine him relaxing into his seat, as she did herself.
"Where are the rest?" Alice asked.
"Esme has gone hunting with Rosalie and Edward. Emmet is at Bella's place, trying to make her trade in the truck for something trendier."
"That's a lost cause."
"It is. I think he just enjoys Bella's company and uses every excuse he could think of to spend time with her."
"How are the rest of the populations of Forks?"
"The treaty is effective immediate of last week when…well, when Jasper and Leah left," Carlisle sounded reluctant to continue his explanation.
"Oh."
"Are you all right, little one?" Carlisle asked, anxiety creeping inot his voice again.
"You haven't called me 'little one' since two decades ago," Alice pointed out, trying to drown the thoughts of Jasper by continuing to talk and listening to Carlisle. It had worked so far.
"You are always my 'little one', Alice," Carlisle said, a hint of smile on his voice. "So, are you going to tell me where you are?"
"No."
"Should I ask Esme to ask where you are?"
"Blackmailing was never your forte, Carlisle," Alice chuckled, glad for the distraction.
"Just trying my luck," Carlisle said. "But I am so glad you called, Alice."
"So am I, Carlisle."
"Found what you are looking for?"
"I do not think I would ever find anything to get over Jasper."
"I am sorry to bring it up, little one. I know it must be difficult for you."
"Difficult is putting it very mildly, Carlisle," Alice said, closing her eyes as she tried to control the emotional dam that was threatening to break within her. "I…I am hurting without him."
"Oh, Alice…"
"I only remember him, Carlisle. Before I met him, the very thought of Jasper Whitlock kept me going. And after I met him, I realize now, that I have never been alone, not even for a single day."
"You are not alone, Alice. You have us," Carlisle was quick to assure her. "All of us."
"But it's not the same, is it, Carlisle? As having the one person who you know would always be there for you."
"No. But, Alice, you must know that every one of us care for you so deeply. We could not begin to understand the extent of your heartbreak; something that saddens us greatly. But each and every one of us is always, always there for you."
"I know, Carlisle. I have never doubted that."
"Then, perhaps you can come home and let us help you through this?"
"That would not be fair to Jasper."
"What?"
"Carlisle, if I come home now, there would be resentment against Jasper for making me this way. He is blameless in all that has happened, but, knowing how much you guys care for me, it could not be helped."
"Where do you come up with these things, Alice?" Carlisle's question was tinged with both humor and melancholy.
"I've been hanging around Edward for fifty years, Carlisle. His constant over-analyzing of stuff rubbed off on me too, I guess!"
"I doubt he would be amused if he heard that!"
"And I learnt about forgiveness from you, Carlisle," Alice answered. "There is nothing to forgive Jasper for, but I certainly can give him the peace of mind knowing that I will always want him to be happy."
"I think I have learnt about forgiveness from you today, little one," Carlisle replied.
"It is not easy talking about it, you know," Alice said. "And at the same time, it's not that easy trying not to talk about it."
"You can talk whatever is it you want to talk about with me," Carlisle told her.
"Thank you, Carlisle," Alice said, as she glanced out of the window. Dusk had given way to nightfall. "I have to go now."
"You're always on my thoughts, little one," Carlisle said. "We can't help but to worry about you, so please, let us know where you are. You have my promise that none of us would come looking for you, unless you wish it so."
"Thank you, Carlisle," Alice said. "I'll do that. Tell everyone that I'm okay. And send an e-mail to Jasper. He'd love that."
"We will."
"Bye, Carlisle," Alice said and waited until Carlisle had said his goodbye before hanging up. She sighed and looked out the window again. She had thought the night would dark and gloomy. After talking to Carlisle, she could see the twinkling stars and realize that the brightest of things sometimes needed a little bit of darkness to shine through.
Two years later…
She smelled him first before she saw him. His scent hit her like a brick wall. One moment she was walking down the road towards the college where she had enrolled a few weeks back and the next, she stood motionless in the rain-soaked pavement, wondering if her senses were playing a sick, nasty joke on her.
She closed her eyes, willing the scent away, letting the rain fall on her.
"Alice?"
She bit her lips, silently scolding herself for forgetting how wonderful his voice had sounded.
Almost fifty years together, Alice really had not thought she would get over Jasper in two years. Why else would she stand rooted to the spot…
And that was when the vision hit her. Jasper, golden and beautiful, is crossing a familiar street with every intentions of speaking with her.
She opened her eyes and turned to face the other side of the road.
Jasper.
Soaking wet in the middle of the pavement. Beautiful as she had always remembered.
Tightness clenched her chest. It was the first signs of her impending tears.
I will not cry.
I will not let Jasper see me cry.
When he crossed the road and stood in front of her, she did cry.
She held on to him and cried. Not because she was heartbroken all over again.
Because now, looking at Jasper, she realized how much she missed her family.
Jasper was the only familiar face that she had seen in two years.
"I'm sorry," they said at the same time. Jasper released Alice from his embrace and looked at Alice.
"Why?" they asked each other at the same time.
And laughed.
It was the first time Alice had laughed in two years. She never thought she could. But she had.
*******
"I was a mannequin in Milan for two weeks."
They were sitting at the edge of a lake, watching grey storm clouds gather for another round of rainstorm. The lake was isolated, far from the city and twenty miles to where Jasper had set up a home with Leah.
"We did that once, didn't we?" Jasper said, rolling a small pebble in his hand. They were both seated on the pebbled ground; Jasper cross-legged and Alice with her knees drawn to her chin.
Alice smiled. It was in 1982. Bored out of their minds, Alice had taken Jasper to a clothing store in Rodeo Drive one night and they had positioned themselves at one of the display windows. Sitting still came naturally for them, as did looking good in designer wear. Sales doubled in the store where none of the staff could remember putting up the beautiful mannequins. On the third day, the 'mannequins' were gone. The store owner filed a police report against his neighboring stores, citing them for 'sabotaging his store due to petty jealousy'. The case remains open until today.
"Then, I drifted about in Europe until I read that Auckland was experiencing the effects of global warming. Record rainfalls and…"
"Limited days of sunlight," Jasper concluded for her. He chuckled. "I wonder if there are more of us around here."
"I haven't met anyone," Alice replied. "I registered at the University; just for something to do."
"I finished my Masters there last week," Jasper replied.
"That would be your sixteenth Masters," Alice said and immediately saw Jasper correcting her. "Eighteenth. Wow."
"Leah was supposed to go to college too," Jasper began, hesitatingly. As his thoughts drifted to her, Alice's vision became dark. She closed her eyes, trying not to panic, as the unfamiliarity of it began to swirl in her mind's eyes. "But she's in her final month of pregnancy…"
She saw herself bursting into tears.
"I am so happy for you."
And she meant each word she said.
For that is what she had always wanted from Jasper. For him to be happy.
Jasper looked at her. He was never the easiest person to lie to. He may not have Edward's mind-reading ability but his perception had always been spot-on. He could detect the minute changes in emotions, more so when someone is not exactly forthcoming in their speech.
"Thank you, Alice," he replied, smiling with genuine appreciation. He must have sensed hope and happiness, for that was what she was feeling at the moment.
"What have you been doing?" Alice asked him, able to look at him now without experiencing any grief.
Jasper sighed, shifting his weight. "Leah and I moved a lot. We were all over the world, trying to find a place to stay…trying to figure out what we were doing. When Leah got pregnant, everything just fell into place…"
"What?" Alice asked, knowing that Jasper needed some encouragement to talk about what he wanted to talk about.
"Some power moved Leah's path into mine," Jasper said. "Instead of trying to figure out why, I should just accept it. Leah has."
"That's good," Alice remarked and marveled at how simple Jasper had explained it.
"You mentioned that to me in the note you left," Jasper explained. "But, that does not mean I forgive myself for what I did to you."
Alice was not expecting this from Jasper. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but found herself unable to do so.
"Leah…she…Leah is the best thing to have ever happened to me," Jasper said, his eyes locked unto the grey waters of the lake. Alice could see the grief of his words in his expression; more so in his eyes. "How could I admit that to myself knowing that you…"
"Jasper, I said you were my soul mate. That does not necessarily make me yours," Alice remarked, surprised at how calm she sounded. Perhaps it came from the fact that Jasper was hurt a thousand times more than her.
Hurt and unable to fully love the woman who loved him more than life itself.
Jasper finally looked at her, surprise registering in his eyes. "What?"
Alice stood up, it was time for her to leave. "Do you love Leah, Jasper?" she asked as he too stood up beside her.
"Of course," Jasper said, looking as if it was ludicrous to suggest otherwise. "She left her family and walked away with her mortal enemy." There were more underlying reasons for Jasper's love for her, but Alice knew Jasper would be hard pressed to talk about them with her.
He will, but today is just too soon.
"Then, you are welcome," Alice said, knowing she was making no sense to Jasper. "I found you at Philadelphia, took you to the Cullens and…"
"Here we are…" Jasper ended for her, a wan smile on his face.
"Yes, here we are," Alice said, as she touched the side of Jasper's face. It was hard and she could feel the ridges of the scars on it. She knew each scar so well…Alice shook her head, dismissing the thought. "You with an amazing woman who understood you without knowing you. And I…I have the whole eternity stretched in front of me. Who knows what lies in store for me?"
"That sounds a bit lonely," Jasper said, his voice quiet.
"I have the undying support of our family, pardon the pun."
Jasper chuckled, shaking his head.
"Speaking of which, have you seen them?" Alice asked, knowing full well he has not since he left Forks.
Jasper shook his head. "They tried calling me, sometimes Leah. E-mailed me several times..."
"But?"
"What am I supposed to say to them? Hi, I am doing fantastic with the daughter of the enemy clan and at the same time trying to overcome the guilt of breaking their favourite sister's heart?"
"Exactly," Alice told him. "They care for you too, Jasper. I may be the favourite but you are still family. And how about Leah? I am sure she misses her family. We may be unbreakable, Jasper. But no one said we are not fragile. How long do you think you can keep this up?"
"When did you go home last, Alice?" Jasper asked, looking at her.
"I will the moment you do," she replied, challenging him.
"Why did you leave?" Jasper asked.
"A bold attempt to get over you by piling on more grief brought on by the separation with people I care about."
"Oh."
"Don't apologize, Jasper. I've had enough of forgiveness for another century."
"Will I see you again?"
"You will. You're not married, I presume?" Alice took a wild guess; knowing Jasper's aversion to the constitutional aspect of a wedding. Alice and he had exchanged vows in extravagant ceremonies, but never by law.
"No," Jasper's single syllable answer was too quick. Which means…
"When?" Alice asked, excited and surprised that she was.
"We're going to have the baby in Denali, just in case there are any…um…complications," Jasper replied. "And then…" he shrugged.
"You're going to be married at home?" Alice asked, without the need of mentioning that home was with the rest of the Cullens in Forks.
Jasper shrugged again, a non-committal answer that was probably an affirmative.
"Let me organize everything."
Jasper stunned into silence. "Alice, that's…"
"Inappropriate?"
"No."
"I can do this, Jasper. So can you."
"It'll be strange."
"But will it be any stranger than a former werewolf walking down the aisle to marry her vampire imprint?"
"If you put it that way," he remarked, laughing. It was nice sound to hear. Alice laughed with him, just for the sake of sharing the moment with him.
"How am I supposed to get in touch with you?" Jasper asked, as Alice gathered her coat to leave. She had been sitting on her coat. It was ruined, but that was all right. It just meant more shopping. She secretly wondered if Jasper was influencing her strangely optimistic emotions. But, she knew he had never done that with her.
Which means…
This is all Alice. This is Alice Cullen.
Alice stepped up and kissed Jasper's cheek. "I never changed my numbers, Jasper," she told him. Jasper nodded in acknowledgement. "Are you happy?" she asked him, as she took a step away from him.
"Yes."
"Is Leah happy?"
"I live for that, Alice," Jasper replied. "What else have I got to do?"
"I am happy too," Alice told him truthfully.
When she saw him in the rain an hour ago, she thought she could never walk away from him. She surprised herself at how easily she moved away from him; how easy it had been not to look back at him. How easy it was to suppress the little snippets of memories that popped in her mind's eyes, reminding her that Jasper had once belonged to her…
Had belonged.
Once.
No more.
Alice saw Jasper in her vision; he was entering an apartment and then everything went dark.
She did not stop walking. Not too long ago, she found cure whenever her visions went dark. She reached for her cell phone and hit the quick dial button.
"Alice?" Carlisle's voice was welcoming as ever.
"Hey, Carlisle," Alice said, walking unto the main road now. Rain was falling harder now; a reminder of the place she had left behind. "You won't believe who I saw today…"
It was not her place to tell, but she felt the need to tell her family that she had seen Jasper. And they needed to know that she had meant what she had said the day Jasper left her.
She would always want him to be happy.
Always.
This was not a sacrifice on her part. Rather a gift. For herself. For Jasper. For Leah. And for the rest of her family.
~~THE END~~