A.N.: This is the sequel to "The Past is Lost: The Angel's Sacrifice" (the title makes a little more sense now doesn't it?). You don't really have to read that one to read this one, although I'd appreciate it if you did. This one is from Duo's POV, and there is a bigger language and angst warning on this one. Duo can be a potty-mouth at times! Also, this is somewhat obviously a 2xH story, so if you don't like the pairing, don't read! And depending on your take on Duo's character, he may be a little OOC in this story because he has some semi-deep thoughts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its amazing characters. I think eventually I'll get used to this fact, but until then, sniffle, can you hand the tissues?
Dedicated to all the reviewers of "The Past is Lost". Thank you all so much! I'm sorry it took some time to get this one up, I hope you enjoy it!
The Future is Lost: Shinigami's Defeat
Damn, I'm such a coward, I thought angrily. She needed me, who knew how much she was suffering, and I was outside hiding. Yep, that was me wasn't it? "I may run and hide but I never tell a lie. That's me in a nutshell." Disgusting. Ridiculous. I had faced down countless enemies in giant mobile suits all wanting to kill me, buy they'd never scared me this much. But then again, I'd had the God of Death on my side then.
And that was the problem! As much as Hilde tried to tell me otherwise, I knew I hadn't changed. I didn't become just a mechanic and a husband. I couldn't shake Shinigami; he was a part of me, the part that killed everyone I ever loved: Solo, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, and now my Hilde!
Damnit, how could I have been so stupid, I should have kept my hands off her. It was such a stupid idea to try to have a family. Who was I kidding? I killed everything I loved. And why in the world did we decide to name the unsuspecting little girl Helen? A dead name for a living little girl? Inevitable. How could Shinigami ignore that challenge?
I killed her! Just as I killed Hilde. Sure, I told myself it was just the ZERO system, but it was me, I did it. I am Shinigami!
"Damn!"
I noticed Relena jump at my outburst, and I realized that I must have spoken aloud. But I couldn't care anymore. Not even the tears I saw on Relena's face could make me feel worse than I already did. It was right that Relena should cry, Hilde deserved a river of tears that I couldn't give her. My tear ducts were dry.
I saw Quattre's sympathetic expression and hated him for it. Who could feel bad for me when Hilde was, when she was…
And Trowa, staring into nothing. Like nothing was the matter. Curse him.
And that damned Wufei, who wasn't even here. Sure, he came to our wedding; there had been free food, but where was he now?
But worst of all was Heero. Standing there near Relena protectively, close enough to comfort her, but not touching her. Sneering at me. I could see it in his face. He was telling me in his eyes that I was a fool, that I shouldn't have even tried, that I was trying to be something I wasn't.
I couldn't bear it any longer.
So I hit him. Punched him as hard as I could right across the face. And he didn't even flinch. Damn him, damn Heero and his inability to feel. Why couldn't he have shown something just this once? I ignored Relena tugging on my arm and crying and punched him again, tensing myself to prepare for the return blow that never came.
He just silently stared back at me with his emotionless blue eyes. And he knew. He knew who I was. He saw me and he knew I was not a husband, not a father; I was not a mechanic. I was Death. And that was something I couldn't run from.
I could sense Relena trying to say something, trying to pull Heero away from me. I saw Quattre out of the corner of my eye, running up with that same sympathetic expression on his face, unsure of who to comfort, going eventually to Relena's side. And then there was Trowa, the constant observer who never interacted.
But none of them mattered. I couldn't even concentrate on Heero's gaze anymore. Hilde was all that had mattered, and I had killed her!
It had been far too long since we'd had news of her, and that fact rang as loudly and definitely as her funeral bells. She had lost, and I had as good as struck her through with a beam sword.
And then I finally felt them: the tears. I was finally overwhelmed and my legs couldn't hold me up anymore; I collapsed.
I had the distant sensation of being caught, but none of that mattered anymore. I was just as lost as my Hilde was. She would never wake up.
[Flashback
I watched my teardrops drip steadily on her cold, immobile hand. "How can I still be crying, Hil? How do I have any tears left?"
The heart monitor beeped steadily and unchangingly in the background.
"Look babe, I'm begging you," I clumsily got down on my knees, "You've got the God of Death begging at your feet, please wake up Hilde, I don't know what to do without you."
But she didn't budge. She lay there, battered and bruised by the Vayaete and the Mercurius, showing no chance of ever coming out of her coma.
[End Flashback
I was startled out of my haze by the screaming of an infant. "That sound…" I was unsure of what it meant, but I knew it was important.
I saw Relena yelp at the sound and turn to hug Quattre, both of them crying in each other's arms. Heero, who I noticed was starting to bruise on his cheek, seemed to relax slightly, although his facial expression didn't really change. Somehow I had ended up leaning on Trowa –Did I pass out or something? – who seemed unaffected by the noise and was concentrating on seeing if I could stand on my own. But then again, I never could tell with Trowa.
But I still didn't know what was going on until I saw that woman. I knew she was a nurse by her uniform.
"Congratulations Mr. Maxwell, you're a father!"
A father? That's where I was! A hospital! My baby? I was a father? No, that's right, this was Hilde's baby. Hilde! Hilde was dying!
"Hil! Tell me!"
The nurse looked puzzled at my outburst, but Heero understood.
"What about his wife?"
"Oh, Mrs. Maxwell is doing fine. She's exhausted from the surgery, but definitely fine. She's been asking about you. Would you like to come see her?"
I couldn't help but let out a whoop of joy – "I'm coming babe!" – before charging through the delivery room door.
And there she was: my little girl, my Pixie. I noticed nothing but her. She was so beautiful; I had missed her so much in the eight hours she had been in here. Six terrible hours of labor followed eventually by the emergency c-section. But she was a fighter, she was still there.
And then she saw me. And although, she was so exhausted and beaten, she smiled. "Duo."
When I saw her eyes open to look at me, I was suddenly in another time and place.
[Flashback
And slowly, miraculously, her eyes opened. She let out a small breath and her cornflower blue eyes connected with my violet ones.
"Duo."
My immobility lasted only a moment more, and then I leapt in the air and gave a yell. "Hilde! You're awake! Thank God, I can't believe it! You're awake!" I ran around the room shouting and jumping, before scurrying back to her bed.
[End Flashback
I snapped out of my entrancement when she called my name again and ran to her side.
"Oh Hildey-babe, how are you doing?"
She looked somewhat dazed, probably from the anesthetic. "Duo, where's our baby?"
Suddenly, I felt a moment of fear. The nurse had said the baby was okay, right?
"Where's her baby? What have you done with it?"
"Our baby, Duo, and she's a she," whispered Hilde behind me.
"Calm down Maxwell, you're acting like a weak onna. Pull yourself together. Here's your little girl."
I turned back around to see Wufei holding a bunch of blankets. "Wu! What are you doing here?"
"Well, someone had to come watch over Sally and make sure she didn't do anything stupid to mess up the surgery," he replied, passing a bundle to me.
And then I saw her. Helen. She was so tiny, the blanket dwarfed her. I jumped when she suddenly gave a big yawn, and I was immediately dumbstruck by her. She was Hilde. She was exactly her, all her facial features, the way she yawned, everything.
Remembering Hilde's urgency to see the baby, I turned to her. "Here she is babe. She looks just like you."
Hilde's eyes brightened as she looked at the baby. She instinctively held the little girl close and an immediate expression of joy settled over her face.
"No, Duo, she's not me, she's you. Look at the way she squints and how her nose crinkles. She's definitely her Daddy's little girl, aren't you Helen?"
"The woman's right Maxwell, didn't you hear the miniature onna scream? With lungs like that, she's definitely another Duo. There'll never be any quiet again!" Wufei snapped, but I sensed a slight smile hidden in his expression.
I turned to kneel at Hilde's bedside beside her and her baby girl.
"No," said my Hilde quietly, "She's not a duo. We're a trio now, the Maxwell family trio." Hilde smiled at me exhaustedly and I took little Helen from her.
I looked down at the tiny baby I held, and she crinkled her nose, just as Hilde had said, and sneezed.
And at that moment I saw it, I saw how this tiny living being in my arms really was both me and Hilde. As my wife had insisted, it was our baby.
And at that moment I knew it was gone. I felt it leave me. I had created life: pure, innocent life; a life that the Maxwell trio would protect forever. At that moment, I knew: I was God of Death no more.
A.N.: What did you think of my second ever completed fanfic? Please let me know! And if you're wondering, the flashbacks are actually excerpts from another story I'm in the process of writing. It's a really really long, far from finished, epic 2xH story. Those clips were taken almost directly out of it, except that it's told from a third person perspective, instead of from DUO's POV.