Neon Genesis Evangelion stopped being a regular Mecha show after... whichever Angel it was, probably the one that decided to kamikaze Tokyo-3. You know, the giant hieroglyphic eyeball.
Either that or the giant floating sphere in the sky with the Sea of Dirac, which usually gives excuse and birth to billions of AU fictions and Time Travels and... er... yeah.
Regardless, probably after that, we started delving into the whole philosophical thing, with everything going out of control, and everybody going insane. And dying.
Or being liquidated.
Anyways, no need to guess when this story picks up.
And indeed, no more than a few weeks after a giant eyeball attempted to crash into Tokyo-3, only to have its eye poked out, or a giant Sea of Dirac trying to pull Shinji into another AU story, only to be torn to shreds (however that works), the alarms all over the NERV headquarters went berserk.
The three bridge bunnies, whose existence I will attempt to suppress for the remainder of the story, with their respective names of Glasses, Gay For Ritsuko, and Other Guy, started typing furiously away.
Various other people were there, though they weren't important. Like Gendo and his folded hand trick.
Misato however, as Operations Director, was important, and thus reserved her right to shout frantically at the three bridge bunnies.
"Situation report!"
"We're getting huge energy readings entering the city!"
"From where? How fast?"
"It appears to be moving at the same rate as the monorail system!"
Gay For Ritsuko, who I apologetically amend as Maya, since she is memorable to me, if only for being gay for Ritsuko, also gasped at the analysis of the approaching threat.
"A blue signal! Two of them!"
"An Angel?"
"Wait... the readings are still rising... blue... yellow... orange... RED!? It's a red signal!"
Startled silence. You could hear someone drop their cup of coffee.
Misato sweated at the meaning of the signal, "You're saying... two godlike beings... are approaching the city?"
"...They're... already in the city."
A bit more of that suffocating horror.
Gendo, being the patron saint of suffocating horrors, paid no heed to it, and said with his suffocatingly horrificic voice:
"Put the city into alert. Get the pilots."
An indeed everyone rushed to work.
Fuyutsuki glanced down on his leader.
This was not in the scenario, I'm sure.
The monorail train came to a stop, several feet tromping out, guitars and suitcases carried in hand or strapped on. The two gods and their current available entourage, a fake angel, one by one, got onto the platform.
Suzumiya Haruhi found her opinion first.
"God! It's hot!"
Person With Many Aliases followed next, with that oblivious smile, "Yes! Tokyo THREE! I always wanted to do at least one gig here! Tokyo-3! Can I get a Zettai Daijobou from you!?"
What he got was a flying suitcase to the back of his head, toppling him.
"Zetty Dajerber." Jeremy Colt snorted, whilst sucking down more ridiculously large amounts of aspirin to keep down his headaches. The woes of being psychic.
"Colt! If you damage anything with your reckless actions, I'll be sure to make you regret it!"
"Whatever, Harui. Person, why's it only us?"
The dead mass on the ground explained, "Well, we're just looking for an open space. We haven't actually got a rented place yet, like the other gigs. The rest of the guys will come when... TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL-"
Colt stepped on Person for good measure.
"Ow."
"Seriously. Shut up."
Haruhi folded her arms impatiently, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's wrangle some space out of some guy so we can-"
Whining klaxons came through the air, while speakers demanded people to make their way to shelters. In the distance, the skyline of Tokyo-3 became significantly flatter, as buildings sunk into the ground, while military machinery unearthed itself from the hills and everything else.
"Oh, way to go, Haruhi."
"Shut up, Colt! What did I do?"
"I don't know. But I never do anything. It's always either you or Person. Gugh."
At the mention of his name, Person With Many Aliases jumped to his feet, "In the name of Love! Peace! Justice! And Hot-Blooded Manliness! Let us go and proceed to acquire ourselves a place of residence! Midnight Carnival! HAJIME!"
Person With Many Aliases presents:
"Angel Metal"
The Final Apocalypse in a series of Three
"Neon Genesis Evangelion" series property of Hideaki Anno and Gainax.
Anything else... is probably mine. Unless you actually know who it belongs to.
While for the most part, this story focuses on the pilots of the giant meaty robots, Ayanami Rei was of particular interest.
Which is actually quite a feat, considering how uninteresting she was. While Asuka took too much of it, and Shinji wasn't sure why he was taking any, Ayanami Rei, quite literally, was an utter and complete waste of oxygen and space.
Listless, flat, uninspiring, who's physical characteristics were generally unappreciated due to the giant blanket of "Please Ignore Me" that surrounded her, yes, Ayanami Rei had no reason to be here.
Unless your thinking about merchandising, but that's another story.
But alas, Rei, though a waste of oxygen and space in most ways, this peculiarity was taken for an advantage by NERV. Basically, there was another able person to sit in another Evangelion.
Big Blue, Big Purple, and Big Red all stood, fastened to the launching catapults, listening to the briefing being given by Misato.
"So essentially, it's the three of you up against two gods. We don't know what they look like or what they're capable of, so I want you to be careful."
"Please! We've been taking out Angels so long I was starting to get bored. Fighting a god is simply the next step up for me! You two better stay out of my way while I clean this up!"
"Asuka... I don't think-"
"Shut up. I don't care what you think."
"Sorry!"
Rei for the whole part, said nothing, only concentrating on how to contain the impending situation with her given abilities, though somewhat curious about it on the whole.
Gods... why is it... this feels... nostalgic?
Uzumaki Naruto sneezed.
Miyazaki Nodoka sneezed.
Jeremy Colt, Suzumiya Haruhi, and Person With Many Aliases simultaneously sneezed.
Sniffling, Colt looked at the other two, "Okay, that wasn't coincidence. Someone had to be talking about us."
Haruhi huffed, "Well, that just means we're getting more famous!"
"Right..."
The three of them spied the empty, empty streets. Shrugging, they all walked on.
"God! It's hot..."
"You already said that, Haruhi."
"Well, aren't you hot, Colt?"
"Not really."
"You're wearing a trenchcoat."
"The sleeves are a centimeter higher for ventilation."
"Oh whatever!"
"Ah, Haruhi, Colt. You both kinda... moody."
"Seriously! This is totally such a dull city! Totally! And hot! And empty! I can't believe you actually want to do a concert here, Person!"
"No fear! For when the day comes we perform, we shall save this city from it's bleakness! With hot-blooded cries and manly tears! Sing to its soul and... yeah!" Person exclaimed, clutching his fist and crying bountifully.
Haruhi turned to Colt, "...What?"
"I dunno. He just went to a wedding between some "Simon" and "Nia" and came out like this."
Neither of them could really say anything for another few minutes as they looked at the gushing Author.
That was alright, because several miles down the road, they suddenly saw something emerge from the ground, towering above them. Jaws loosened considerably.
Haruhi stuttered, "Is that... IS THAT...!?"
"...It's a giant robot-"
"It's not a giant robot!"
The other two turned to Person. He took this as an excuse to explain.
"It doesn't look heroic enough! It doesn't have fanciful color schemes! Nor does it have a cape! Or a giant scarf! Or even sunglasses! Not heroic at all! I refuse to call that giant robot a Super Robot!"
"...So what, is it a Real Robot-"
"It's not! It's too large! And look how it's walking towards us! Too limber! It is too mechanically refined to be a mere Real Robot!"
"Then what is it!?" Colt spat, thus kicking the argument into its second phase.
Up above, Shinji was too busy scanning the horizon for a parting of the clouds, a blazing divine fire, or even a triumphant chorus of cherubs clad only in horns and effectively censoring strips of white cloth.
Nothing in the sky.
"I don't see anything!"
"That's weird. The energy readings show them to be practically on top of each other and right in front of you. Are you sure you don't see anything?"
"Well... no-"
Asuka's voice blared out, "Shinji! You idiot! Fine! I'll find them!"
And Big Red proceeded to tromp off and just as unsuccessfully find anything remotely looking like giant bearded grandfathers in togas floating in the sky.
Rei, however, having no actual preconceptions on what a veritable god would look like, suddenly got a brilliant idea.
Why not look down on the streets?
Through Big Blue's single lens, she found a trio of arguing people down below.
"Langley. Ikari. I found them. Street level. Fifty meters ahead."
"What kinda retarded idea is that, Dollie? Street level-"
The other two giant robots that were neither real nor super found themselves ringing about the smallish group of bards down below. Said bards finally noticed what the giant shadows covering them meant. They shrieked and went back to back.
"...Not much of a god, are they?" Asuka smirked.
"Three of them!?" Haruhi choked.
Person mused unregretfully, "Hmm... I wonder if they can do a unification-"
"Person, you idiot! Shut up and try and figure something out!" Colt hissed, before taking in another whole bottle of aspirin to offset the ringing in his head he created by hissing.
Person thought long and hard for the whole of a billionth of a second. The other nine seconds and the other billionths where otherwise appropriated for thoughts concerning Unification and how incredibly hot Nia was, how come Simon was the one that married her, how Simon was so GAR, and how it was possible for a giant robot to be the size of a-
"I'll use my abilities and serenade these giant robots to sleep!"
"...What?"
But Person With Many Aliases was already crouching down to reach into his suitcase, where he pulled out a fairly nondescript Bass Guitar, and proceeded to wail.
"Ive built walls/ A fortress deep and mighty/ That none may penetrate/ I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain/ Its laughter and its loving I disdain/ I am a rock/ I am an iiiiiiiislaaaaaaand!"
As for Asuka and Shinji, they didn't really have any idea what a guy in a bandanna mask was doing wailing on a guitar, but Rei...
Rei suddenly felt something awaken within her. If you read Fox Metal and Magic Metal, you'd know what I'm getting at.
Of course the lyrics actually had some sort of context in this situation, but nobody listens to lyrics anymore. But as for Rei, she watched this man sing to her. As if he was saying he did music better than her.
Preposterous. She was Ayanami Rei, no one did music better than her. Rei's breathing staggered, her vision fading in and out of clarity. This man was insulting her musical skills. No one dared did that.
No on! She was a... She was a...
I'm not sure if Evangelion's had external speakers. But the sure would have come in handy just about now.
"You! You dare challenge me to a Rock-Off!?" The normally placid Rei growled.
The two gods plus one blinked.
"A Rock-Off... waitaminute, don't tell me..." Colt began, before slapping his face.
Then Rei unloaded her entire magazine into the area where the three musicians stood, covering the area in smoke.
Asuka snarked, her impending m-m-m-monster kill stolen out from under her. Shinji's eyes widened.
"Rei! You just... shot two gods..."
She blinked back into existence, realizing what just happened. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
Misato's voice came over the radio, "It's not over! There's still energy readings!"
Asuka found her opportunity to blam her teammate, "Asuka! You idiot! You concealed the enemy!"
"That was not my intention."
"Whatever! Everyone back away before-"
Before was already happening. Person's voice triumphantly echoed through the smoke.
"Ultimate... Dynamic... Comet... FLYING NINJA KIIIIICK!"
For Rei, all her camera screens were filled up with Person's sole. Despite his small size, the kick of a veritable god clanged heavily with Big Blue's face and sent the two of them careening through the air.
Haruhi and Colt just sort of stared at the sudden departure of their comrade.
"So... he just left."
"Whatever, Colt! I'm going to find a hotel or something! Catch you later!"
Thus Haruhi, being the goddess that she was, dashed off. Big Purple was immediately targeting her. Colt bah humbugged the other two, taking in more aspirin.
"Yeah! Whatever! You two just go have fun-"
He was grabbed by Big Red. Asuka was for the most part pissed that she was left with "small pickings" while Rei got kicked by a god, and Shinji got to fight the other. But she was stuck with this... guy.
"You're not going anywhere..."
Outside, Colt had a distinct feeling "You're not going anywhere" was being said through the face of the giant robot he was gripped in, the four blue beady eyes staring at him. He snorted.
"I've got my ways of getting out, robo-punk."
Asuka, hearing this, snickered arrogantly, as if she couldn't believe it.
That was when Colt pulled an arm free, and released an entire can of pepper spray into Big Red's eyes. The sympathetic feedback, needless to say, was somewhat desirable, as Big Red staggered away, while throwing Colt through the air.
"SON OF A BITCH! HE GOT MY EYES! I'M GONNA KILL THAT LITTLE-"
Radio transmissions were accidentally and dutifully cut off by a whistling Misato. Some things even adults shouldn't hear.
As for Shinji. He's Shinji. He gets owned by everything, including reality warping fifteen year old girls.
All in all, the operation was a unmitigated disaster, only to be topped by the fact the the two red signals eventually fizzled out on the radar. They couldn't even be found.
The only good news was that Touji and Kensuke seemed to be dumber over the period of the week, so Asuka, with her puffy and teary eyes, found opportunity to beat the two to an inch of their lives rather than take it out on Shinji or Rei. Never remark on the features of a girl who took an entire can of pepper spray to the face via sympathetic damage.
Rei of course, continued to stare out the window over the course of the school, but her mind was troubled.
The music... why did I react to it so violently?
Of course nobody was present to answer, save Asuka and her grossly exaggerated accusations.
Now, being the main focus of the story, Rei was the one to return to her generally sparse and ascetic home, nobody currently giving a damn about Asuka and Shinji.
She dutifully completed her school assignments and proceeded to lie down in bed and expect nothing.
Something happened in the supposedly abandoned apartment flat next to her. Muffled voices and testing of strings.
Twanga-twanga-twang.
"Isn't it neat we all ended up in the same place?"
"No. It's cramped. You just had to go and randomly sing to the first giant robot you saw, huh, Person?"
"You don't have to be so cruel, Colt..."
"Well, we totally can't preform at this rate! Giant robots and guys in suits and everybody's after us! This is an undue display of persecution! Even the student council back home wasn't this bad! I ought to go find whoever's in charge and..."
"And what, Haruhi? Kick them in the shin?"
"If it works!"
Twanga-twanga-twang.
"...This sucks."
"What does, Colt?"
"I-no's not coming."
"...SHE'S NOT!?"
"No. We got no bassist. We're in the suck."
"Why!?"
"She went to Madrid, because of her stupid student... stupid Last Dead..."
Twanga-twanga-twang
This continued on for a good several more hours, and Rei finally realized in her entire life that in order to initiate her sleep, she actually needed a considerable amount of silence, which was not being provided due to the ruckus next door.
She got up, still in a disheveled school uniform, headed to the door beside her, and kicked it down.
Person looked up from his address book of possible venues. Haruhi looked up from her guitar. Colt remained slumped over a table, not bothering to deal with the bull-shitery of life any more, now that he was under a roof.
"You... you are the beings from several days ago."
Person guffawed, "Ah HA! You're the driver of that Big Blue mecha!"
"How do you know?"
"You have the same color eyes and hairs of your mecha! It's obvious!"
"Oh, god. We're all gonna die..." Was all Colt managed to say, clearly exhausted. He was for the most part, correct, as Rei continued.
"I am sorry, but I have to report you to my superiors for detainment and processing- What is that?"
Rei pointed to one of the guitars that leaned up against a boxy amp.
"...A Fender Aerodyning Gibson Ripping Blackbird bass guitar?" Haruhi managed to answer, while she watched in disbelief the girl kind of weightlessly trot over to the device in a trance before crouching and staring at it.
It was weird. Here Haruhi thought there was only one Yuki in the entire universe.
Rei absently plucked one string, which gave out a drawn out deep groan. Something inside Rei told her this was awesome and that she should shiver in delight. She did.
Colt fell off the chair.
"You three-"
Two carnivalists shrieked in utter horror and backed over Colt and against the back wall, in complete fear about the idea they were about to be arrested on charges of Disturbing The Peace. Anything but that.
"-How do you use this device?"
Silence. Person, for some reason, always took this to be a good thing, "You hang it from your shoulders, pluck the strings and SING WITH YOUR TRUE SELF!"
"Person!" Haruhi jabbed with both her voice and her elbow, "What are you doing? We're going to get into trouble!"
"Sorry! I just... she asked so nicely!"
The two continued to argue, while Colt for some reason, decided to continue to die a slow and painful death on the ground. The second silence then ensued, in respect to Rei, who had easily followed instructions and went on to wing it in a trance-like state, plucking out a deep, though very melodious, and very funky Bass solo. This continued on, Rei apparently not really paying attention to the time as she lost herself in the music.
"Hey, Haruhi..."
"Yeah?"
"I've been wondering... she thought I was challenging her to a Rock-Off."
"Are you still thinking-"
"Well, blue hair with a propensity for wearing it short, and red eyes? And doing some crazy stuff on a guitar?"
"Not again..." Colt muttered while drowning on the floor.
"Colt, are you alright? You've been acting kind of strange ever since we got into the city... and isn't that coat a little bit hot, still?"
"I'm fine."
If only anyone could believe the psychic.
The solo snapped to a halt the same moment a string, half-melted from the godly skills of Rei, finally could take no more. She blinked.
"I appear to have disabled functionality of this-"
"KEH-KEH-KEH-YEAH!"
Person power slid on his knees toward Ayanami, shedding more manly tears.
"I knew it! I knew it in my very soul! You're the One!"
"One?"
Person was gleefully announcing back to Haruhi, "We've got ourselves a Bassist for the concert."
"HER!? She tried to step on us! Are you crazy-"
Haruhi stopped herself short. It was in fact quite common knowledge that Person With Many Aliases was fully certified "Half-Insane", which was the answer to anything the man did, including wearing bandanna masks.
"Oh, whatever! Do as you please!"
Person, though, had already turned back to Rei, sticking a finger at the Evangelion pilot, who generally didn't notice that her nose was on the verge of being poked.
"You girl!"
"Yes?"
"Please! Perform with us for the coming concert! Let us rock heaven and earth with your funky beats! You, descendant of a Demon God of Rock!"
"... I believe you have made an error. I am assured that my ancestry does not include-"
"THIS IS BLASPHEMY! THIS IS MADNESS! Come! Let us prepare for the day of reckoning! And let all mankind discover your talent! Midnight Carnival in Tokyo-3! YEH-HEH!"
This choice of wording by Person thus spelled doom for the entire human race. At least the doom would sound pretty good.
A few days later, after NERV finally stopped getting all pissy about the three pilots failing to stop two gods, however that logic works, Rei succeeded in kicking up a new storm.
Asuka and Shinji had for the most part settled in, especially after the redhead had had her daily fill of "Kill Touji and Kensuke", assumed that it was just another of those days Rei wasn't going to show up, and mentally prepared themselves for another beleaguering several hours dedicated to a monotonous explanation of how a meteorite flooded the world, when everybody actually knew that it was Gouki from Street Fighter who took it into his head to try and Hadouken a fetal Adam.
The Rei came in.
"Good morn-"
Rei tripped.
Half the class looked out the window to check to see if the sky was falling or if pigs had taken flight. The other half just stood from their seats to just stare in disbelief. Asuka also took the opportunity to laugh her ass off.
Hikari, being usually the most sensible, also asked the most sensible question.
"Ayanami! What is that?!"
"That" was actually not the Fender Aerodyning Gibson Ripping Blackbird, though everyone did give an eyeful at the large guitar that was hanging off Rei's back. The That in question were the pair of tinted sunglasses that was drooping down Rei's nose.
Somewhere on another planet, Vash the Stampede was crying, because something on him was missing, but he didn't know what.
"They are sunglasses."
"Well... yeah! But what are you doing wearing them!?"
"It part of the training that was prescribed to me. I admit, seeing the landscape colored like this is... unusual, and most likely the cause of my fall."
Asuka was close to tears, clutching her gut, "Training!? Oh, god... this is... training for what? How to look like an idiot?! I guess you needed the classes, since that's the only way anyone's going to pay attention to you!"
"No. I am participating in an upcoming concert."
The class population switched jobs in looking at the sky and asking questions.
"...Concert? By who?"
"I believe I committed myself to a band that calls themselves Midnight Carnival-"
The name of the world's currently most famous bards had an instantaneous effect on everybody. Probably Shinji the most, since he's actually the only one out of everybody that uses an iPod... or whatever.
"MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL!?"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"YOU'RE PLAYING WITH THEM!?"
"DUDE! PLAY SOMETHING!"
This was the first day Rei discovered what the strange phenomenon known as "popularity" was like.
As for Asuka, she just snorted away her assumptions she was actually becoming jealous over the "Doll", and insisted on her part that it was only a passing thing.
True to her word, Rei's popularity would pass. Two years later.
Colt refused to be present for Rei's practices. It was probably the heat. Also, Colt had found that everytime Rei returned to the apartment complex, a gaggle of suited people tried to follow her from the shadows.
The tranquilizer rifle Colt bought from Thailand on a whim suddenly found itself very useful as a means of passing time on the roof. Section 2 had no chance, and Gendo for the most part, remained oblivious to Rei's practices.
"I found the attention disconcerting."
"Nonsense! As a performer, you have to get used to the attention! Make the masses swoon! Look at Haruhi!"
"Yes?"
"...Look at her!"
"I am."
"...I forgot what I was trying to prove. But never mind! Onto the next step of your education in bass playing!"
"What would it be?"
"Smoke this! It improves inspiration!"
"...I am not sure if NERV would permit its pilots to engage in the consumption of-"
"No worries! I'm sure somebody up there would think it's fine!"
Rei wasn't sure whether this was sound logic or not, but since she was getting used to being rebellious, she obliged to take a good lungful of it.
Asuka blanched as she saw the results of the Harmonics and Synch tests.
Ritsuko, leafing through sheets of papers, hummed in interesting.
"Intriguing Rei, both your scores have dramatically increased since the last test. You're right behind Langley at this rate. What have you been doing?"
"I am engaging in... musical endeavors."
"Really... well, if it keeps your scores up, keep doing it."
"Very well."
Asuka ground her teeth.
"Wait-wait-wait, you're telling me that your organization has an entire subterranean forest? Underground? Sitting around doing nothing?"
"That is correct. The Geofront for the most part... is very empty." Rei easily responded as she practiced solos on her bass guitar.
Person rubbed his chin in thought, devious little things running across his brain.
"Concerts take place in venues... venues are empty spaces... Geofront is a big empty space... though I'll have to clear the roof, if what I hear is true..."
The next day at school, Rei came into school wearing a striped flat cap.
Rei's popularity leveled up from Five to Fifteen Billion. The shades and the hat made the male population gush in throes of Moe, though that's actually somewhat disturbing.
Kensuke was quickly becoming a millionaire, having found a second girl to make photo revenue off of. What was better, Rei didn't seem to show any immediate intent of murderous retaliation.
Somehow, the fact that Kensuke was considering stopping taking photos of Asuka reached her ears.
The last straw snapped.
Asuka Langely Soryu did not lose to Dolls. She needed a way to fight back.
"Haruhi, you see Colt anywhere?"
"I don't know. He's been gone a few days already... I really think he's suffering from the heat..."
Jeremy Colt was slumped over the counter of a seedy bar in the deepest, darkest back alley of Tokyo-3, where the sun did not shine. He was almost actually feeling better, now that he was in a cooler place.
Plus, the alcohol was hardcore. Not that he would ever actually get drunk, but still, the presence of some very, very strong vodka, plus his nauseating headaches made for an interesting one sided conversation with the bartender.
"I think I have some sorta curse with wimmen..."
"What makes you say that, stranger? Got no luck?"
"It's not that... it's just that... I keep getting in trouble with girls... especially redheads."
"Redheads?"
"Yesh, redheads. I dunno why... I like all kindsa girls, but I redheads always attack me. Like, there's this nice girl named Dizzy I like, blue hair, but all of a sudden this redhead from France attacks me... and I'm with her for some reason... then I also went to this Fuuka school... and there's this redhead there... with these claws and stuff... and she tried to mug me... but now she keeps asking for rematches... I'm afraid she might have a crush on me... though god forbid... ugh... and there's this place... Uminari... there's these two girls... one kinda orange-headed, and this other one with a hammer... okay, this time was my fault, I stole an iPod off the orange head, but the other one thinks I hurt her mistress or something, so she hates me... and... yeh... but no matter where I go, there's always a redhead somewhere-"
The door to the seedy bar slammed open, and in the light of the entrance, a very annoyed Asuka Langley Soryu stood.
"...Found you..."
Colt slid his face back to the barkeep.
"See what I mean? Always a redhead."
Asuka tromped over to the currently generally nonlethal Colt, "You! You're one of the guys training the Doll, right!?"
"...Doll?"
"Blue hair and red eyes!"
"...You have the same school uniform as her..."
"Are you listening to me!?"
"Sorry, I'm just kinda... the weather's really downing me..."
"Well whatever you're doing to her, do it to me as well!"
"...Huh?"
"Train me!"
"...That don't work... it only works on people who have the lineage of a Demon God of Rock-"
"Shut up! I'm not going to lose to that mute freak!"
The only thing that went through Colt's head was "Wow, this girl is like Haruhi, except she's a redhead. Joy."
"Look, how about this... we'll bet for it."
"Bet?"
"...Are you European or something?"
"I'm German!"
"Ah, Germans are great drinkers, right?"
"Well... that's only a myth!"
"So, what, you can't take a single beer?"
"Reverse psychology won't work on me!"
"Look, since we're in a bar, let's just have a drinking contest. You win, I... I dunno... figure something out. I win..."
"You're not going to win!"
"Fine, you're on."
Rei felt a shiver go up her spine as she practiced on her Bass.
"I sense something... not fortuitous approaching on the horizon."
"Really? I wonder what that means."
"I am unsure. But it may possibly be adverse to my physical health."
"Oh. You must be thinking of the piercings we're going to be giving you later tonight!"
This was when Rei felt her first real emotion.
Horror.
The school was turning inside out. Rei entered the school, carrying her bass guitar, her sunglasses, her flat cap, and how two large hoops were hanging off her earlobes, and a long blue silk scarf was wrapped about her neck for more effect.
I don't need to go on about how everybody was going nuts over her. Shinji, while reasonably impressed by Rei's transformation, was concerned over something else.
"Rei, have you seen Asuka anywhere? She hasn't turned up to school for the past few days."
"I do not know the current location of Soryu."
"That's a shame. I was thinking of asking Section 2 to help find her, but I've been told that most of them are unconscious due to being pumped full of tranquilizer."
"That... is a shame."
Asuka and Colt both had not left the wall booth, still drinking. The two, being of either German descent or a very hardy American, had incredibly powerful bladders that allowed them to withstand Alcohol for the most part.
The various dozens of bottles of Sake and Vodka, however, quickly morphed the contest into a mere "Drown Your Sorrow" party, where even Colt, self-proclaimed drinker as he was, was starting to get a little fuzzy in the head.
He would probably blame it on the weather, as he always did on later trips to Tokyo-3.
As for Asuka, she was bawling her eyes out.
"And mysh shstupid muthar... Gugh... I HATE HAR!"
"YESH! Hersh one to our sshtupid parents! My mum and dead were TESTHTUBES! STOOPID SCIENTITESTS!"
"Why did mah mum leave...hic... AND THAT DOLL IS STEALING EVERYTHING!"
"Dar are too many redheads in my life! STUPAD REDHEADS!"
"I'm a redhead!"
"No yur not..."
"IEM!"
"Watevar! Nuggh... say, redhead..."
"Yeh?"
"Lesh go ut... find summoar drinks... DEN, Imma... go... teach you to play gutar!"
"Ilike THAT!"
Rambling, Asuka and Colt carried each other through the front door.
Person With Many Aliases passed by a particularly gleeful Haruhi, who left the apartment complex after conversing with Rei. Aparently the bassist in training had supplied the other with a good idea, and Haruhi being Haruhi, decided to act immediately. Person queried what this was.
"Suzumiya and I were going over the exact nature of my genealogy, and my exact relation to my ancestor Demon God of Rock."
"Yeh?"
"I informed her that I am in fact, a clone."
"Really? Cool."
"I suppose. Apparently I'm suppose to partake in a global liquidation of all human assets, but it doesn't look to be such an interesting entertaining enterprise anymore."
"Ah. So, your clone of who?"
"I believe a good portion of my genes belong to a woman named Yui Ikari. She most likely, belonged to the lineage of the Demon God of Rock."
"Ikari... doesn't that sound familiar?"
"I informed the two of you about Yui's son, Shinji."
Nightfall. Shinji was unfortunately, the one who had to stick behind for cleaning up the school, and thus left long after everyone else. This is generally is never a good thing, according to Japanese anime.
Still, Shinji Ikari gave a good sigh as he walked back to Misato's shack alone. Rei was constantly off to practice, and Asuka had disappeared into thin air.
"I wonder what's going to happen next..."
"YOU THERE!"
Shinji turned around apprehensively.
Under a streetlight, a girl stood, arms folded, yellow ribbon through her hair, and a dangerous look on her face, not unlike a cat who was figuring out how to have fun with a hard won prize.
"Um... how can I help you?" Shinji offered.
"That's easy... from here on out, you are my new minion."
A smile turned into a wicked grin.
Eyes widened in horror.
Feet turn to ran.
A rather effeminate scream echoed through Tokyo-3's night.
Misato finally returned home, and was finally hoping to just finally relax with a can of Yebisu-
"WHAT THE HELL!?"
Empty cans of beer lay everywhere across Mistao's apartment. Normally this was just a sign of her being present in her home, but never did she stumble upon the scene herself. This was an outrage, a sacrilege.
"WHO THE HELL GOT INTO MY BEER!?"
A thrumming of guitar strings came from Asuka's room.
"YESH! I TOTALLY RUCK THE FACK OUT!"
"Yer rallly gewd at this... Red... yur sure yer nut a daimun gud of rock?"
"I dunno... now... I cen own that sterpid Rei..."
"Red? I thuth you were red..."
"Nut Red, Baka! REI!"
"Ah..."
Misato's eye twitched in barely contained rage as she marched over to the door barring her sight from Asuka's little domain. She slammed it open.
Inside was much more empty beer cans. Not just Yebisu, either. Herieken, Badweiser, and everything else was also present, up to the ankles in cans.
As for Asuka, she was drowning in black leather and stainless steel apparatuses, and prodigiously making use of a Fender Starcasting Gibson Marauding Les Paul Custom.
Colt was somewhere still on the ground. He probably deserved it too, at any rate.
"ASUKA LANGELY SORYU! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?! AND WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BEER!?"
"Wat em I duing...? Imma... going to avenge mah honar... yer beer is just a secrafice... for mah GREATNESS!"
"And you use my beer!? Your sins are beyond the GRACE OF GOD!"
Asuka broke into a drunken grin, "Gud... I dun wanna have anything to do with him!"
"SHUT UP!"
"READY TO FIGHT, HUH!? GRAND VIPAH!"
"RIDE THE LIGHTNING!"
The apartment exploded from the force of Asuka and Misato's connecting foreheads.
And yes, I couldn't help myself.
All the while, posters were slowly being put up about Midnight Carnival's concert being done in cooperation with NERV, since they would be supplying the underground Geofront for the stage area.
The crowds went wild. Nothing could stop them.
Gendo curled up in a corner and wept. His scenario was in pieces.
People piled into the various entrances that NERV was forced to open, lest they wanted a riot on their hands. Elevators were jam packed with wild audiences.
Geo front was quickly filled to the brim. Even people brought boats to party on the lake.
And in the center of it all was the concert stage.
Inside, Person was beside himself with glee.
"This is it! Tokyo-3 SHOW!"
Colt grunted in mono-syllable and took another three bottles of aspirin. It looked like he had a few sleepless nights.
Haruhi, also seemed a lot more cheerful. As for why:
"Oh, I just found an interesting guy for the SOS Brigade."
"Really, Haruhi? I must meet this guy later, if he actually got your attention."
"Oh, you will..."
"I am back." Rei reported, as she brought back the remaining Midnight Carnival for the night's show. Person took extra care to introduce Robo-Ky on keyboard synths and Yuna for back-up vocals. Dante was also present, and somewhat apologetic for the fiasco that occurred at Mahora, though not by much.
"We're going to be doing a lotta Funk this time! You guys ready? WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?"
"AHOO! AHOO! AHOO!" Everyone else went, though they weren't quite sure why.
Outside, Kensuke, Touji, and Hikari were among the crowd. Kensuke was particularly wild with delight as he took in everything with his camera.
"DUDE! We're actually inside the Geofront! This is totally awesome!"
The crowd went wild at the sight of Person With Many Aliases.
"Yooo! Everyone! Where's that Zettai Daijobou?"
The crowd screamed something incomprehensible back. It was enough of an answer for the Author.
"Well, if any of you remember the Mahora show, we got something like this going on. We got ourselves a bassist... and she's going to totally ROCK OUT! Everyone! Ayanami "Wondergirl" REI!"
And finally, for once, Rei was actually wearing clothing that did no consist of her school uniform. By that, I mean everything else she had on her head, along with blue jeans and a zipped up jacket with a hood. And in her arms was her Fender Aerodyning Gibson Ripping Blackbird.
"Good evening, everyone. I am going to be very funky. Enjoy."
With that, the band essentially broke into a giant funk-fest with lots and lots of Jamiroquai, which was actually quite necessary, given the general hot and oppressed atmosphere of Tokyo-3. Funk makes people generally feel better and jump around more. Listening to Heavy Metal might have just made it worse.
So actually, you're reading Angel Funk. But that would open up more possibilities of spin-offs, which I simply cannot dedicate myself to.
"For our finale, ladies and gents, we're gonna have Rei do an awesome bass solo... because we can."
And Rei would have actually lain the Rock Down on everybody, if somebody hadn't squirmed her way to the front and jumped onto the stage.
For some reason, everyone took this as a cue to engage in a mass gasp of shock as Heavy Metal Asuka snarled and pointed a finger at Rei.
"WONDERGIRL! I challenge you to a Rock Off! To regain the honor I lost at your hands!"
More gasping.
"Only one of Demon God of Rock lineage can challenge another."
"I AM!"
More shock.
"Really?"
"YES! I traced my family line far enough, and I ended up with some guy named Gaara, who was also a Demon God of Rock! I have the right to challenge you!" Asuka screamed in fury.
Actually, is anyone getting a sense of Irony here? I feel like I am.
"Very well. Name you conditions."
"If I win, you must never play music again! Not even a recorder!"
More gasping. Colt found the noise tiring.
"...And! And, you have to acknowledge that I am your superior! And, uh... I get everything!"
"Would that include Ikari?"
"Well... WHAT!?"
"Never mind. What if I win?"
"Oh... whatever... everything I said before, only I do it!"
"Fine. Let the Rock Off begin."
With that, Asuka and Rei traded blows on their guitars, power solos blasting across the audience. They probably even created a tidal wave on the lake, swamping dozens.
Finally at the end, the two girls were panting heavily, exhausted.
"This is it... Wondergirl... I'm taking you out..."
"No... I will... succeed."
Of course, at this time, the story dictates a major emotional plot twist to tie things up. Thank god for Haruhi voluntarily arresting Shinji.
"NO!"
Shinji thus also jumped onto the stage. He also was looking awesome. Haruhi's previous constant practice on Mikuru appeared to pay off, as Shinji, somehow had come into possession of a head band, trenchcoat, and boots. Oh, and hairstyling. Off his back was hanging a Fender Swinging Gibson RD Firebird...
Man, these guitars have really long names... thank goodness this is the last one...
"Stop! You two are friends! Friends don't challenge each other to Rock Offs! It's heinous and cruel and generally ruins team dynamics anyways!"
"Shut up Shinji!"
"Hell no! I'm too GAR to be talked down anymore!"
("Haruhi! I didn't know you went to the wedding as well!"
"I just sneaked some ice-cream cake when no one was looking.")
Shinji continued, "You're both awesome! You two don't need to compete with each other! In fact, it's humanly impossible to compete with each other anyways! You're using completely different types of guitars!"
Person took this opportunity to make a sound effect by bringing a record to a screeching halt.
"...Crap... he's right."
"It appears so."
"Fine! We'll postpone this Rock-Off until another time!"
"That sounds good."
Shinji seemed quite happy with this, "That's good, because, uh, an Angel's attacking Tokyo-3."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Crap."
Panic ensued. But Person nonetheless remained nonplussed as he shouted to the three pilots.
"Hey! You three guys! Just get to your giant robots and performs an awesome unification with your new equipment!"
"New equipment?"
"No fear! I stuck a little post-it note to the cockpit! Now lay the Rock Down on those guys!"
"Right!"
Zeruel, for the most part, thought himself to be pretty well prepared to take on the Evangelions. He had super shields, he had awesome laser beam attacks, he had his really cool arms that delivered fatal paper cuts to people.
Yes, Zeruel was finally going to be the Angel that would get to his destination. Not only that, he would be able to thumb his nose at the other Angels at his victory-
"You! Halt doer of injustice!"
Zeruel, unused to external speakers, could only float to a stop, dumbfounded but what he saw ahead of him.
Big Blue, Big Purple, and Big Red were all standing in the distance, each carrying gigantic guitars. Big Purple made a few power poses in the name of justice.
"Foul Angel who dares disturb the peace and threaten the universe! I shall not let you pass! I Shinji Ikari, along with Ayanami Rei and Asuka Langley Soryu... CHALLENGE YOU TO A ROCK-OFF!"
Zeruel's plans came to a halt at those two words. Despite not being Demon Gods of Rock, Angels were still expected to partake of the same agreement, due to a loss in a poker game between Tyrael and Diablo.
(As a side note, Tyrael was so annoyed by this loss, he sealed the Lord of Terror away into some forsaken countryside, but that's still an entirely other story)
At any rate, Rock-Offs were something that Angels were expected to be prepared for, but most of them never really paid any attention, since for the most part they never really dealt with Demon Gods of Rock.
However, now, Zeruel realized he was generally musically disinclined. He looked down at his hands, and realized he didn't really have any fingers. Nor did he have any instrument with him.
The Angel of Power's final assessment?
"Fuck."
After that, the other Angels were fairly easily subdued by getting the Rock Down by the great music produced by the Evangelion Pilots. Except Tabris. He knew how to play the piccolo, but it still didn't help the guy very much. Still, he ended up becoming a groupie for the three as part of his failure.
Asuka, with the help of alcohol, finally reconciled with her torturous past, which pretty much made Arael very useless. Getting in touch with her drinking genes, Asuka also became a great connoisseur of hard liquor and appropriately parties with Colt.
Colt just wonders what the hell is it with him and redheads.
Misato also cried because a fourteen year old is capable of out drinking her.
Shinji, also being transformed into a hotblooded hero by Suzumiya Haurhi, got that vaunted spinal cord everybody wished him to had. With this new found power, he actually gained the horizontal support needed to achieve his life-long dream:
Drop kicking his father in the face.
Of course, everyone saw that this humiliation on Gendo's part was a sign of his growing ineptness, and was quickly deposed. Shinji quickly took over NERV, and with the help of his music, quickly transformed Tokyo-3 into a center of musical success. Really, giant robots and giant guitars. That's money making right there.
End of Evangelion occurred anyways, though the Mass Produced Evas were quickly subdued. They may have AT-Field piercing lances, but those are nothing compared to the power of totally rocking the FUCK OUT.
Rei also rejoined with Lilith, much to SEELE's delight. However, it was only for a short while.
All Rei did was gather up all of humanity for one simple message.
"It would be nice if all of you bought at least one of our CDs."
After that, she put humanity back. After all, what use was there if everyone was united into a single being, bereft of pain and suffering, if nobody had ears to hear awesome music?
Thus, Tokyo-3's economy soared. And the old men shed much tears on their part.
As for Rei? She continues to journey on across the universe, spreading her awesome music wherever she goes.
I-no put down the letter that she had received from Person. She turned to his student of whom she had read all the contents to out of entertainment. She and Last Dead were all seated in a fancy Madrid 5-Star resturant.
"You know, Naruto, you have some really weird descendants."
Uzumaki Naruto, Demon God of Rock, shrugged, "Well I can't help it, can I? Besides, Rei and Shinji sound like they turned out pretty cool in the end."
Gaara, also Demon God of Rock, snorted, "Easy for you to say. My descendant's a violent psycho!"
Hyuuga Hinata, being very sexy by leaning atop her husband Naruto, tsked, "Now, now, Gaara, we can't have you in a bad mood for tonight's show..."
I-no laughed as she reached for another dish, "Well, I still say you have a hell of a lineage, guys. Anyone want any more Angel Hair?"
END