So I seem to have a thing for writing nations giving each other relationship advice... I don't know, somehow I find it cute. This one has practically no historical context, so it's even more random than the last. It takes place in 2014 during the Ukraine Crisis. (in other words... now. Hehe...)

Toris had just finished pouring a cup of tea when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He picked it up and stared at the Caller ID, debating whether or not he should pick up.

If I don't he'll keep calling me….Ugh, it's too early for this…

Toris sighed, accepting his fate, and slid his thumb across the screen.

"What do you want?" He moaned.

"Hey, uh…Toris…"

"Look, just get this over with, I'm not in the mood for any of your pranks."

"This isn't a prank, I swear!"

Toris rolled his eyes, swinging to lean on the counter. "Whatis it, Gilbert?"

"Look…hey, um… there's not anybody around, is there? You're home by yourself, right?"

Toris frowned. Gilbert sounded…uncertain, nervous? It was very out of character for him; Toris knew that this would turn into a humiliating experience.

"Yes…" He said slowly, waiting for the bomb to drop. "Why?"

There was a sigh of relief on the other end. "Okay, good. So I can talk to you for a bit?"

Toris's eyebrows came together. "Gilbert. You sure you didn't dial the wrong number? You know this is Lithuania, right?"

"Right, right. Look, I know this is kind of weird but I just…well I just need some advice."

"Advice?"

"Ja. Like, um…. Well. Dammit. This is going to sound weird, so don't judge me or anything."

"Okay…"

There was a sigh, then after a very long time Gilbert seemed to collect the words he wanted to say. "Do you ever…think that the American brothers are a bit… you know… oblivious?"

"Oblivious? About what?"

"Well… I mean, because they're so young, right, so some things just kind of go over their heads. Obvious things – you know what I mean."

Toris frowned. "No, I'm afraid I don't."

Gilbert growled in frustration. "Look. When you and America first got together – it probably felt like you were dating a three-year-old, right?"

Toris felt the heat rise to his face. "No, it did not! Gilbert, if you're trying to convince me to stop dating Alfred – "

"Because he hadn't really been in a relationship before!" Gilbert plowed on, ignoring Toris's outburst. "He'd never gotten serious, he wasn't used to the idea of nations liking each other and shit, right?"

"Well… yes."

"So how the hell did you get him to – you know – wake up?"

"You mean… How did I get him to like me?"

"Yeah. That."

"I… wait a minute." Slowly the pieces came together in Toris's mind. His eyes widened and he gasped, pressing a hand to his mouth. His voice came out an astonished whisper, "Gilbert… do youlike Matthew?"

"NEIN!" The voice shrieked. "WHAT THE FUCK WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT!?"

Toris's mouth curled into a mischievous smile. "Well, that, for one."

"FUCK YOU!"

Toris rolled his eyes. "It's not like it's a surprise. Everyone knows."

"Wh-what – NO THEY DON'T!"

"You can stop screaming."

"I'M NOT – Okay." There was a pause as Gilbert collected himself. "Fine. Great. Now you know, so answer my question already."

"Well, Alfred and Matthew are very different people," Toris explained. "The way I got Alfred to 'wake up', as you put it, would probably not work on Matthew."

"What did you do?"

Toris smiled at the memory, a slight blush finding his way to his cheeks. "I kissed him."

There was a pause. "You kissed him."

"Yes."

"That's it? You just randomly came up to a guy who didn't even like you, and kissedhim?"

Toris's mouth spread at the memory of Alfred's shocked face after that one. "Yes. But Alfred's…well he's special, to put it lightly. It takes something big to get his attention because he's so distracted. But Matthew's not like that."

Gilbert huffed. "Since when did you know so much about Birdy?"

Toris smiled. "He's Alfred's brother; I see him a lot. And it's my job to know everything about everyone."

He could imagine Gilbert rolling his eyes. "Ja, because you're a creepy stalker slut."

Toris scowled. He should have seen that one coming. "Look, Gilbert. Matthew is like me. He notices every single thing. He's watching even when you don't think he's watching, and he's looking for signs even though he might not act like it. You have to remember, he was raised by France – he has to know something about love."

"But he won't even talk to me!" Gilbert whined. "I tried to invite him to hang out after the meeting but he said no! And he's acting all weird, like he doesn't want to be around me anymore!"

"Well that's almost a sure sign that he knows something is up." Toris looked out the window to watch a pair of sparrows chirping outside. "Didn't you stay at his house for some time recently?"

"Yes," Gilbert growled.

"Well, did anything… happen?"

There was a long pause. "No. I mean, yes. Well, sort of… It's none of your business!"

"Well that doesn't tell me much," Toris snapped. "Did you do something that made it obvious that you liked him?"

"I guess…"

"And what was his response?"

"He… I mean he was kind of surprised, we both were.But then… he seemed okay with it, back then." Gilbert's voice suddenly grew angry. "But now he's ignoring me all of a sudden, like we're not even friends, it pisses me off!"

Toris sighed and leaned on the counter, twirling a hand in his hair. "Gilbert… Matthew is under a lot of stress right now. He is dating Katushya, and I'm sure you know more than I do that he's really worried about her. Maybe he's just not ready for a new relationship yet."

"But I am!" Gilbert cried. "Even Liz said it was okay!"

"Just give it time. Matthew is sensitive – you can't force things on him, or he'll run away. Just be there for him, and he'll come to you."

"I hate waiting."

"Sorry, Gilbert. That's the best advice I can give."

There was a grumble on the other end, then a sigh. "Okay… well, danke, I guess."

Toris smiled. "Any time."

"And if you tell ANYONE that I stooped down low enough to ask YOU for help, I'll hide a camera in America's bedroom and broadcast a sex video of you two at the next world meeting."

Toris's face flushed red. "Gilbert!"

"Kesesese! See ya, loser!" The Prussian cackled, before hanging up.

Toris looked at the phone for a moment, seething. But it didn't take long for him to simmer down, and he found himself smiling in amusement. It was almost funny – he and Gilbert were complete opposites and they had always been rivals. Who knew that they would both fall for the American brothers?

There's just something… different about those two. Toris thought. He glanced at the background image on his phone – his and Alfred's faces barely fitting into the photograph, the two of them laughing together. He remembered what Gilbert said about the American brothers being oblivious.

They're not oblivious, He thought to himself, smiling. They're just beautifully innocent.

Just then his phone buzzed, and his smile widened at the picture of Superman that popped up on his screen.

Mornin, beautiful! So I just found this freakin awesome snow cone place in Arkansas and they have a BACON FLAVOR. BACON, DUDE! We are SO going there the next time you come over, you cannot even argue! Love you.

Toris laughed, shaking his head. A bacon flavored snow cone? Only in America…

Love you too, Alfred. Have sweet dreams of bacon.

So...Don't even ask me what that was. Maybe it's because I have no faith in my ability to write a romance, so instead I write these little... things. (That, and the world just needs more AmeLiet in it)

Please review, even though this was probably crappy!