Hi. [0]7[0]/* This is my first fanfic, so I hope it's okay. It'd be really awesome if you guys could read and review it to tell me what I need to improve in my writing. I'd really appreciate that. Now, I don't own Hetalia. There's one main pairing, a bunch of other implied pairings, two swear words (although I'm not sure if arse would be considered a swear word), and England's thoughts are in italics. So without further ado here it is. Enjoy :)

I Like You, I Love You, But I'm Afraid To Lose You

Honestly first he ignores all my calls and messages and now he has the balls to not come to a meeting. I swear I'm going to need to have a stern talking to him about his responsibilities as a nation.

England approached America's house very much annoyed that the young nation seems to have cut himself off from everyone, including him. There was a meeting earlier that day and America had failed to show up. Right afterward England set out to America's house to demand why no ones been able to see or talk to him lately. The house soon came into his sight and England felt his stomach flip and his heart pound in his ears. He'd see America soon enough.

Its not just because I'm worried, I just want to see America. I want to see his face, his smile; I want to hear him laugh and not have a care in the world.

England sighed feeling completely ridiculous for having thought that. It had taken him a while to realize that he loved America, but when he did he just resigned himself to being his friend because there was no way that they could ever be together. He never acted upon his feelings for fear of rejection. Moreover, America gave him the feeling that they couldn't be anything more than friends no matter how hard England wished for more than friendship.

When England got closer to the house he began to get nervous and wondered if he should have let someone else come check on the American instead of himself. He then immediately rejected the idea because England once took care of the nation, so he felt it his responsibility to investigate the matter and see what was wrong with his ex-colony.

England shook his head trying to clear his mind of that thought. What do I mean mine? He was never mine. I just cared for him for a while. Not much good it did though if he's doing something like this.

England briskly walked up the stairs that led to America's porch and knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer. When no response came he slammed his fist on the door a few times and yelled for America to open the door.

"Oi. America open up, it's me. We need to talk."

No response.

"Come now America, aren't you a little old to be acting this way? You're a grown man for god's sake. And don't try to pretend like you're not home, I can see Tony staring at me from the window."

It's true that he saw Tony. When he was just about to disappear behind the curtain England sent him one of his fiercest glares that he's sure Tony saw. England continued to wait for someone to open the door for him. Just as he was debating whether to crawl in from a window or not, he heard some mumbling and shuffling coming from inside the house. England expected to see America, or even Tony for that matter, standing in the doorway, but what he found was a beautiful woman whom he didn't recognize standing before him. She had waist length brown hair and natural golden highlights when the sun hit it. She was dressed moderately in a plain red V-neck shirt and faded blue jeans. The woman also had long legs and looked as if she could be a model. If England was any ordinary guy he probably would have fallen for this woman from the moment he first saw her. Except he wasn't normal. England loved America and no one else. Upon first seeing the woman England felt a blush creep onto his his face as he wondered why such a woman would be at the American's house.

England opened his mouth several times, much like fish out of water, until he regained his composure and addressed the woman.

"Um, excuse me but I'm looking for Alfred F. Jones. If you would not mind telling me where he is, that would be most helpful." The woman sized him up and England immediately felt his guard rise, not completely trusting of this stranger.

"I'm sorry but Mr. Jones would like to be alone right now. He specifically told me no visitors." The woman tried to close the door in England's face right after saying that, but England would not have it. He stuck his foot in the entrance, keeping the woman from completely shutting it and fixed her with a stern glare.

"Well I'm an old friend, therefore, I think he can make an exception." As England tried to enter the house the woman blocked his way. England looked at the woman furious that she would bar his way into the house. He narrowed his eyes at the stranger as he spoke.

"And who are you anyway? I don't believe that Alfred's ever mentioned you in all the time that I've known him."

The woman put her hands on her hips and lifted her chin trying to look big. Seriously? Trying to appear intimidating I see. If course it will not work. I'm the United freaking Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. If anyone knows intimidating it's me.

"I don't see how that's any of your concern."

"Well, Alfred's a close personal friend, so I am just looking out for him when I see someone suspicious." The woman laughed. Her voice sounded like bells chiming in the wind but it only made England's stomach churn.

"Seriously? What are you, like, his mom?" The woman paused for a moment, looked him over once again, and gave him a sweet smile as she spoke, her voice dripping with honey, "Look, Mr. Jones just wants to be alone right now. He said he'll go to the next meeting and make up for lost time okay?" The woman batted her eyes at England trying to soften him up so he'll agree with her. Too bad it didn't work. England just felt even sicker than before. England tried to maintain his composure, but that one snide comment provoked him and he exploded in the girl's face.

"No it most certainly is not okay! I do not care who the bloody hell you are, I could honestly care less, but the wanker in that house is what matters right now! Now I'm going to enter this house whether you let me in or I have to force my way in."

England stared furiously at the woman breathing hard. He assumed that after his complete loss of control the woman would finally step down and move out of his way. She instead planted herself firmly in front of him, crossed her arms across her chest, and showed no signs of moving. They continued to glare at each other and just when England was about to shove her out of the way to get into the house a quiet voice spoke from behind the woman.

"It's okay Lydia. You can let him in."

England looked around Lydia and saw America standing there. Only he didn't look like America. He looked old and beaten down. Almost like he's been waging war. England pushed past Lydia and approached America taking his face in his hands and checking for signs of any injury. England knew he was suppose to be mad at America, but seeing him in this state only made his heart go out to the poor nation and he became determined to get to the bottom of what was hurting his friend. He swore to himself that he would make them pay for hurting the one he loved so much. So as England was looking over America he noticed that the American had lost some weight. Indeed he did look like he's been fighting in a war only he didn't have the wounds to show. Lydia tried to protest against what America said but he stopped her.

"But Alfred-"

America offered England a small smile signaling that he was okay physically, then turned his full attention to Lydia.

"It's okay, really. Obviously he's not leaving-"

"Of course I'm not leaving you git." England mumbled as he continued to look America over. This made America smile as he continued.

"Arthur's really stubborn so there's no point in denying him entry into my house. Not when he thinks something's wrong." America turned his head to look at England and England felt his face heat up as he stared into those deep blue eyes he loved so much.

"You can go home now. Arthur can take care of me." Lydia just stared at America incredulously, only he didn't see her expression because he continued to stare at England with tender affection on his face. When England finally managed to take his eyes off of America's face, he turned and faced Lydia. He held his chin high and in a voice brimming with victory, he spoke to her.

"You heard Alfred. Go home. I'll take it from here."

England took America's hand and began to lead him to the living room. Just as they were about to enter, Lydia spoke, "Alfred, wait... Just think about what I told you. If you change your mind then you know where to find me."

America turned to her, offered her the best smile he could handle, and said, "Yeah I'll think about it. But my answer might still be the same."

As Lydia was getting her stuff to leave, England stared at the ground wondering what it was that Lydia wanted America to think about. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel a tad bit jealous that they shared a secret. England shook himself mentally and pushed his feelings deep within his heart, where hopefully they'll be forgotten. He led America into the living room and entered the adjoining kitchen to prepare some tea and coffee for them. America sat down on his giant couch and grabbed Boston, his cat, as he tried to jump onto his lap. In the kitchen, England waited for the water to boil and this gave him time to think about what Lydia said before she left. Of course she couldn't be talking about anything romantic between them because America was suppose to be dating Russia. Well, judging by the way that Russia was being a little too friendly with China during the meeting, I guess they broke up. Yes that has to be it.

England felt relieved that America wasn't with Russia anymore because every time he saw them together his heart gained one more crack in the ocean of scars he carried there. America always said that England was so opposed to him dating Russia because he didn't trust him. Well yeah I don't trust the git but that's not the only reason why I hate seeing them together. It hurts to see America so happy with someone that's not me. The only reason I haven't confessed to him is because I'm afraid of what he'll think. He'll probably be disgusted because I've fallen for my former little brother... I don't want us to grow apart because of this. Not when things have gotten so much better between us.

England was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice that the water was boiling over. It wasn't until a couple drops splashed onto his hand and burned him did he notice. He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and continued preparing his tea and America's coffee. Once he was finished he put the mugs on a tray and headed back into the living room. When he looked at America he saw a broken and lonely man. His heart went out to him and he swore that he would protect him just as he did when America was a little colony. I'll protect him and cherish him just like I used to, but as a friend this time. I won't confess to him, not because I'm afraid of being rejected, but because I want him to be happy. Confessing my love to him won't do anything but cause him problems and he doesn't need that. He just needs my support and I'm going to give that to him. England gave a little nod confirming his decision, set the tray on the coffee table in front of the couch, and handed America his mug of coffee. America took a small sip then set his mug down on the table. England sat down next to him and turned to face him ready to listen. Before he could say anything America spoke.

"I'm sorry I skipped out on today's meeting. I just couldn't show up and let everyone see me like this. What kind of hero would I be then." America stared down at the ground as he pet Boston. England stayed quiet in case America had anything else to add, which he did, " You can probably guess that I'm not with Russia anymore. I'm sure he and China were all over each other at the meeting right?"

England didn't want to meet America's eyes when he looked up at him. Instead he busied himself by picking up his tea and taking a sip. He didn't want America to know that he was right, but by the way that he was avoiding looking in America's eyes America knew that he had guessed right. And so he laughed bitterly and continued.

"Ha. I knew it. And you know what the saddest part is? I really thought that I might have loved him..." America paused looking down at Boston then he looked up. His eyes held a maniacal twinkle in them, as if he had gone insane and he smiled a cold smile. England began to worry about America's mental state of mind as he saw America's cold expression turn to one filled with pain and something else he couldn't pinpoint. He'd have thought it was longing or a desire to do something, but England just thought he was imagining things.

"Too bad I didn't though. The only reason I went out with Russia was because I wanted to get my mind off of someone else." America grew quiet once more staring down at his hand as he continued to pet Boston. England always had the feeling that America wasn't as into the relationship as he should have been, but hearing that America could have loved Russia only hurt him more than he thought it would. When America didn't say anything more England decided that it was his turn to speak.

"America it's okay to talk to me if you want to. I want to help make this better. I'm here for you and I'll listen to what you have to say." England rested one of his hands on America's free hand. England found it quite shocking that all of his annoyance with the American earlier had completely dissipated. He stared right into America's eyes, but America just turned his head away and looked out the window. He sighed and after a long moment of silence spoke.

"Thanks Iggy. I really appreciate that. I know I can come to you for anything, but you wouldn't understand." England squeezed America's hand not bothering to correct America on calling him Iggy instead of England. He just hoped that he was sending the American a reassuring vibe.

"Then help me understand. I want to help you Alfred. You just have to let me."

America looked at England when he heard him use his human. The nations didn't usually call each other by there human names because it wasn't really necessary. Calling a nation by their human name when there weren't any humans around meant something special to them and for England to use it meant that he was trying to show America that he really cared about what he was going through and truly wanted to help him. America understood this because then he turned to England. He didn't exactly look him in the eyes; instead America looked at something over his shoulder, as if he were afraid to look into England's eyes and spoke. England was okay with this so long as America talked to him.

"You don't understand what it's like to love someone and think that they might not love you back." America became quiet and he looked unsure of whether he should continue speaking. England felt his heart break just thinking that America was going through something similar to what he was feeling. Believe me I know exactly what you mean. England felt his heart drop lower than it already has, but he didn't voice his thoughts aloud. England also felt happy that America was letting him into his mind and his heart, so he squeezed his hand encouraging him to continue. America glanced down at their hands and gave a small smile before it fell and his face became grim again. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak once more.

"I only went out with Russia because I thought he could get my mind off of someone special to me. I thought a relationship with Russia could help me forget about my feelings for him, but that didn't work. I realized that there was no way I could ever forget him, so I tried to bury my feelings; but it feels close to impossible if I see his face every time I close my eyes; if all I ever smell is his scent; if all I ever think about is how he would feel in my arms... I hate seeing him everyday and being reminded that I can't have him. And to make things worse just when I thought that I might be falling for Russia and getting past my feelings for him, I find him cheating on me with China." America looks so helpless as he pours his feelings out to England. All England can do is hold his hand tighter and listen until he's got it all out.

"Heh, it's actually pretty funny. You see I was on my way to his house because I thought it'd be a good idea to surprise him, but when I got there I saw him with China and they weren't exactly talking about anything politically related." America said it was funny, but it didn't seem funny to him at all. England could tell that he was trying to mask his pain but before he could say anything America spoke, his face looking tortured and amused at the same time. England wouldn't have thought it possible, but here he was staring at the man he loved and feeling completely helpless. So he just stayed quiet and let America talk.

"Well, whatever. I never needed Russia anyway. I only look so horrible because I ran into him after breaking it off with Russia and I just wasn't prepared for that. I didn't want him to see me like that. So don't look at me like that. I don't need your pity. I'm the hero and heroes don't let something like this bother them. Yeah, I'll be... just... fine..." America's voice began to grow softer and softer as he spoke and England had to lean in closer to hear him. England thought he was done when America didn't say anything for a while, so he decided it was his turn to get some things straight, but then America sighed and spoke once more.

"I really am sorry for missing the meeting today. I know you came all this way to talk to me about that. I just needed some time to get my shit together and I didn't want to see Russia or him so I skipped out, but I promise it won't happen again." America looked back down at their hands again and kept his eyes there. England held his hand tighter and his other hand cupped America's cheek. He turned America's face so he'll face him and waited for him to meet his eyes. When America looked at him England finally spoke.

"First of all, you are not receiving any of my pity because I know you don't need it. I know for a fact that you'll be fine with a little time, but I'm here to help speed things up. America I can see you trying to hide your true feelings behind fake smiles and bitter laughter and it hurts me to see you like this." England felt himself tear up, but kept himself in check, "It's okay to feel vulnerable sometimes and it's okay to be the one that's being rescued. You don't always have to be the hero." When England saw America open his mouth to protest, he continued not letting him get a word in edgewise, "You have to let others be the hero sometimes. There are so many people who love you and are worried about you America. You just have to give them the chance to save you." England smiled at America mentally taking a picture of his face and the way it looks right now. Topped with pain and despair, but hope that is quickly making it's way to the surface. Wanting to help his hope resurface again England continued.

"Now as for Russia, I will personally kick his arse for doing this to you." America smiled at that, "And as for the one that you love... America you can't go on in life with the uncertainty of never knowing whether this person loves you or not. You'll never forgive yourself if you leave things the way they are. Confessing would probably do you more good than not and if they don't feel the same way then it's their loss because they're missing out on a relationship with one of the best gentlemen that I know."

America just looked at England like he was surprised that the Englishman could give such great advice. Then, he looked back down at Boston thinking about everything that England just told him. When England saw this he receded back into his thoughts to think about what he'd just said.

Who am I kidding? Why should I be giving him advice about confessing to the one he loves when I can't even do it myself... But I told myself I wouldn't so I can't. Maybe if I help him confess then I'll feel some satisfaction because I helped the one that I love become happy. Yes that has to work. England finalized this decision and thought back to America's previous words.

Okay so he said it was a 'he' and that they attend meetings, therefore it has to be a male nation. So, narrowing it down, he said he ran into him the day of his break up with Russia. Well that doesn't make sense because I think I was the only one who ran into him that day. Hmm, I knew he looked a little off. But back to the matter at hand. It can't be me because I don't think he's in love with me and I was with... Japan. When England realized who it was that America loved he felt his heart break even more. Knowing that the man he loved was in love with one of his closest friends was too much too bear and he felt his eyes start to water. England shook his head to help calm himself down. Stop it. I can't cry. I'm doing this to help America. Who cares if he's in love with my friend. All that matters is his happiness and nothing else. Plus it makes sense that he'd fall in love with Japan. They share a lot of things in common and they hang out a lot. Hell if I wasn't already in love with America then I probably would have fallen in love with Japan also. It only makes sense. Now I have to help America make his feelings known and everybody will be happy... England looked down at his hands and heaved a heavy sigh. He felt something shift beside him and looked up to find America standing up. He seems to have finally come to an agreement with himself and he stood up abruptly. Boston was forced to jump off of his lap and land uncomfortably on his feet so as not to hurt himself. He meowed, annoyed that his master would do something like this and stalked off to find a quieter place to sleep. America and England both saw this and chuckled.

"Heh. Sorry 'bout that Boston." Then he turned to England and beamed at him. England just stared at him happy, but perplexed at how easy the American's feelings could shift so quickly.

"Iggy you are so totally right. I can't just sit here uncertain of whether this person feels the same way about me or not. I mean life's full of risks right and I'll be damned if I let this one pass me by. I need to stop being such a coward and just own up to the fact that I love this man. That's why I'm gonna confess and nothing's gonna stop me." America was practically jumping off the walls with how excited he looked. England smiled and nodded to him pushing all of his unwanted feelings to the dark recesses of his broken heart. He started to get up and spoke at the same time that America spoke.

"Alright let's go help you-"

"Arthur I love you."

"-confess your feelings to Japan."

The room filled with silence as England thought that he was miraculously going crazy because there was no way that he just heard America say that he loved him. He looked up at America his face full of shock.

"E-excuse me?"

"Wait what?"

England sputtered as he thought of what to say. When he got his voice to work he could hear it cracking, "I-I thought you loved Japan." America fixed England with a confused look.

"Japan? Well, I mean I love the guy, but as a friend. You're the one that I love Iggy." When England continued to stare at him dumbfounded, America smiled and took the chance to explain everything to him.

"I love YOU Arthur. I've always loved you. I just couldn't tell you about my feelings because I was scared that you'd think it was gross that you're ex-little brother loved you in a romantic way. I thought you didn't feel the same way about me, but having you here today with me really has helped me... I was so scared of losing you that I was willing to sacrifice my feelings just to be near you. But everything you just told me only strengthened my love for you and I can't keep it to myself anymore. You're my first love and I really hope that you feel the same way. So what do ya say?"

England continued to stare at America, letting his words sink in. When it finally registered in his mind that it was him that America loved he felt so light and joyous that this crazy, lovable American could love a grumpy old man such as himself. England opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

I have to say something... Anything... Oh come on you coward say something before you lose him. England yelled at himself before he spoke the three words he's been dying tell America ever since he first found out that he loved him. He looked into those blue eyes he adored so much and smiled through his tears.

"I love you Alfred."

Upon hearing England's response America's face broke into a huge grin and he enveloped England in his arms. England wrapped his arms around America's waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent. For a moment he saw America's face filled with complete happiness, but with the fear of rejection slithering under the surface. When America pulled a little away from him, England saw that the fear was almost all gone. Then, America caught England's lips in a passionate kiss and held him closer to his body. England wrapped one arm around his neck while his other hand tangled itself in his hair and he held America there. America's hold on his waist was unbreakable, but he was also gentle enough to give England the feeling that he had some control.

When they finally broke apart England's face was bright red. America laughed and said, "Awww. Iggy you look so adorable right now." England buried his face in America's chest and muttered a halfhearted, "Sod off, you git." that only made America laugh even harder. England felt it rumble in his chest and he smiled. They stayed like that, just holding each other, for a while. Then America spoke once more.

"Hey Iggy?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

England looked up at America and got caught in another kiss. He managed to say "I love you too" before America completely claimed his mouth and chased away all coherent thought from his mind. England didn't mind though, he was content to hold the man he's yearned for for so long without the fear of being rejected swimming in the back of his mind. He could finally begin a new life with the American. His American. And to start off England just pulled America closer to him than ever before.

Well that's the end. YAY! \(^-^)/ my first fanfic done. Hope you guys liked it and please review it'd help me a lot. So as a little thanks I'm working on a little something just to humor you guys and myself. An epilogue as you guys might calm it. Or maybe not, but I'll explain that afterward. Bye [0]7[0]/*