Agony by Katy Towell

I am here. I am everywhere

Every place you've been I have waited

Every face you've seen I have worn

I have not one name but thousands

I come on the wings of an epidemic

Of a massacre

A lone scream in the night

Announced by the distant thunder of a war

or the bleat of the slaughtered calf

I visit the dying in their burning skin

Devour the bodies of the sick

I crush the hearts of the hopeful as I dance on the backs of the weak

Your greatest fears are my delight

With your cries you invite me in

I am the betrayal you could not have seen

The killer you thought you knew

One day I will be your mother or your father or your friend

Another day I will be your neighbor, or perhaps I'll work through you

There are monsters hiding in your closet

There are ghosts beneath your bed

The dream you feared was real

Was real

These are gifts to you from me

I love you in my little way

With your suffering I am alive!

Can't you hear the music on the wind?

Don't you recognize the tune?

Is it you my friend, your struggling?

Your spirit torn limb from limb?

But I am not death

Death is your deliverer

Death looks to me with sorrow in his eyes and asks, "Why must you do this?"

My answer remains unchanged

I do what you cannot

No end is swift under my watch

Mercy is a mistake I correct

I am peace destroyed and eyes forced open

The ragged ring around your neck.

I am your secret wish for others

I am their secret wish for you

I have not one name but thousands

But you... you may call me Agony

And I am pleased to make your acquaintance...

A wish...

A Memory...

just another forgotten dream.

It was in the distant light reflected in the clouds as the last minutes of the day stretched out across the sky, where Sarah layed entranced against the cooling grass. This time of day seemed magical to her, it had a feeling of endings with a promise to remember..

"That's Good!" Sarah thought, bolting up from her reclined position on the ground

Grabbing her pen and paper she'd cast aside some time ago when her window to inspiration and creation had slammed shut the minute she sat down.

Whispering the words to herself again as she wrote them down "Endings with the promise to remember." Immediately scratching over that in disgust and violently pen stabbing the ruined page. All ending in a dramatic fling of her writing book sending it to the bottom of the hill she was sitting on.

Throwing herself back onto the grass, Sarah stared into the darkening sky with the thought that had been plaguing her for the last month.

"Why cant I find the right title!?" The words she screamed over and over inside her head.

In truth she already knew the answer. She knew she couldn't find a good title because it was not a good story or rather a story that was worth having a good title. For the past ten years she had done nothing but write short children's books. She was published, well known and never seemed to run out of ideas when it came to something innocent. Smiling to herself remembering all her early books she'd written, always reading them to Toby first enjoying his true and honest reaction to her work. The way he would smile and ask questions about her made characters. Larry The Racoon being his favorite, one he had always made her read to him when she would come to visit.

"Toby" her smile faded.

Like all things nothing stays innocent forever and soon Toby stopped asking about her stories. A few times she had hinted that she'd brought a new story with her that she intended to publish but Toby as it seemed was growing up. Children's stories no longer being apart of his world made Sarah start to wonder if maybe they shouldn't be apart of hers either. It had been 5 months now since Sarah decided to stop writing children's stories and concentrate on a more serious and slightly darker kind of story. However overtime she began writing, her desire for innocence in her fantasies would always come through. To her the prince always rescued the princess, sex took place in the readers imagination when they closed the book and kisses where described as "they embraced lovingly." Sarah just didn't know how to write a book that any adult or serious publisher would read without thinking it had been written by some 14 year old virgin.

"Desires of youth twisted by age and time"

"Oh good lord" Sarah thought in exasperation.

That sounds like some kind of middle aged self help book on the dime and nickel stand.

Exhaling roughly Sarah got to her feet and started after her offending book that she'd sent on a short flight and it's final destination being an unusually large ant hill that didn't take kindly to visitors dropping in.

"Damn! How perfect is this..." She thought sarcastically.

Deciding that the story inside wasn't worth the effort to rescue she cautiously stepped around the angry and apparently vengeful ant kingdom and continued on the path back to her car out of the park.

In a place a little past being a dream and just shy of almost real, there were dancers.

She was dancing or was she floating,

then again was she falling?

Falling... ..Live...sunlight

Falling... ...Sense at all...

Drifting whispers of every other word said was all Sarah could hear amongst transparent spinning figures gliding around below and above her. Whispers spoken alone and fading out, ringing back and echoed together. mesmerized in the moment she could neither look nor look away, seeing then not seeing. Hearing softly spoken words then the softening sound of words quieting. A dark whisper met her ear from behind.

"Dance with me" There was no mistaking that voice or its owner.

Turning around to face a being she'd never forgotten and for her safety swore never to remember, a jolt of fear raced through her when she found no one behind her.

A mocking laughter rang all around her. "Seeing me isn't as simple as it seems is it precious?" Heart pounding Sarah tried to see where his vioce was coming from.

Another sinister round of laughter filled her ears giving rise to her fear that was quickly turning into panic.

"You will not see me...I will always see you!" The force behind the words surrounding her caused her knees to buckle sending her to the ground.

"You will feel me..as I have always felt you." His voice now gentle and filled with an unspoken promise that caressed her skin.

Her breathing hitched, a soft breeze passed over her skin making her shiver. A quiet chuckle lingered beside her cheek, she knew he was there with her but still unable to see him. The breeze moved over her again this time with more force all traces of playful tantalizing gone. She moaned as the air lingered around her...

"NO!"

Sarah sprang from her bed across the room and backed against the wall. Breathing heavily, her eyes in a daze as she stared at her bed that seemed to hold a dark warning of deep sleep and deeper nightmares.

Taking slow calming breaths as she eased away from the wall.

"A dream..it was just a dream." Running her hands over her face squeezing her eyes tight. Looking at her clock she saw that it was after 3am, to early for the day and too late for more sleep. Not that she could get back to sleep now even if she...

"Wished for it." Shaking her head and walking to her bathroom. Turning on the water in her shower to its coldest setting and stepping inside. Standing under the chilling stream washing away the warm feeling on her skin left by the dream.

It had been two days since Sarah had been to sleep, fear of another dream like two nights ago greatly out weighed any fear of what this was doing to her health. She had spent her sleepless nights trying in vain to continue working on her new story. During the day she walked in the park near her house, today however it seemed a type of festival was taking place.

She stood on the outskirts of the dark brown tents that lined the entrance. Inside she could hear music, mindless chattering of giddy tourists. All spell bound by elaborate costumes, eery entrancing music from a time long since past. Making up her mind that it wasn't an event she felt like attending after what she had recently been going through...or putting herself through she couldn't decide.

As she turned to leave the park she heard a scream coming from the trees that lay near the edge of the festival tents. Whipping her head around she saw a child dash out of the trees crying out for help and running straight for the tents.

Sarah couldn't make out what the child was running from, narrowing her eyes on what looked like four other children chasing the one that was screaming. She couldn't see the children's faces from her position but she did see that the cloths they wore looked torn and dirty.

As they neared closer to the entrance Sarah squinted here eyes as she saw the way the children ran. It almost seemed unnatural and difficult for the four other children to keep up with the screaming one. They hobbled and lobbed, dragged and bounced, jumped and tripped after the terrified child. A memory easily forgotten and more quickly remembered passed through Sarah's mind, coldly racing through her body pooling into her feet making them heavy and hard to move.

"Goblins..."

In her mind, days, nights, moments and actions gave way to the buried sounds and image of what can only be described as a goblin. The unchecked histarical laughter, bumbling and knocking about without caution or care.

The screaming child reached the tents and disappeared around a corner about the same time Sarah regained the use of her legs. She ran after the small horde of goblins quickly pursuing the terrified child. She rounded the corner the child had taken and came to a stop as she saw the child cowering on the ground surrounded by the four goblins. As they went in for their assault Sarah looked around her.

"If only I had something to throw" A quick flash of another memory is what made her see the large rock by her feet.

Adrenaline pumping she picked it up and threw it as hard as she could at one of the goblins legs. A cry of a child that was not the one on the ground is what greeted her next.

"Ahhh..." the goblin she had hit turned to look at her. All the blood drained from her face as she stared back at the face of not a goblin but a small boy. A small boy like the other three who were all dressed as goblins.

"We were only playing miss...we...we weren't going to mess up our costumes." The boy she had hit was rubbing his leg and checking the damage she had done.

"Wha..what?" Was all Sarah could say.

By now a crowd of people started to gather around them. Sarah could hear whispering and comments circulating, all of them far from praising her for her valiant attempt of trying to save a child from goblins.

"You won't tell Mrs. Shirley we snuck out the costume tent will you?" The boy asked her still rubbing his leg and looking around for any sign besides her that they'd been found out about sneaking out.

Speechless and still dazed about not seeing what she could of sworn she saw, Sarah simply nodded her head and watched as the gang of children ran off disappearing into the crowd.

"Not goblins..." Sarah whispered to herself.

The crowd that had formed for her misconception slowly started to dissipate back into a collective of stream lined families and friends. Feeling shaky and light headed Sarah shuffled to a near by bench that was placed near one of the more elaborately decorated tents.

"You'd think they were goblin's. " a womans voice coming from the entrance of the tent she sat next too.

"What?" Stiffening at the womans words.

"I said you'd think the children were goblins the way they act sometimes Sarah."

She stiffened further "How do you know my name?"

The woman smiled "Come inside have some tea, you look quite pale"

It was something the woman had said besides the strange fact of her knowing her name that sent alarms going off inside Sarah's head.

Panic growing on the inside but keeping her face calm she replied "oh uh no thank you, Im just leaving."

The woman gave her another knowing smile.

Getting up from the bench Sarah started back the way she came in toward the entrance.

"Dont go that way!" The woman yelled after her.

Never go that way...more forgotten words rang inside her head.

Looking ahead of her Sarah could see the lines of people parting to reveal a very angry looking woman headed her way. People the woman stopped to talk too turned in Sarah's direction and pointed at her. The woman began walking quickly toward her and now Sarah could see the angry woman had four or five children that were dressed as goblins trailing behind her.

Realizing what was about to take place and rightly so, after all she had thrown a rather large rock at a child. Sarah turned back to the woman standing at the elaborate tent entrance. She looked into Sarah's eyes searching for something seeming to know exactly what she was looking for. Stepping aside she allowed Sarah to enter.