This is Rated M for a reason, there will be underage smoking and sexual content. This is also my first "smut" fanfic so I'm sorry if it sucks. Read, review, enjoy.
He was dating her best friend. That meant liking him was against the rules. She couldn't have feelings for the cowboy. It just couldn't happen. Texas had been torture, New Year's was even worse. She still hadn't forgiven Farkle for what he did. Now they were a few months away from graduating high school. They were a few months away from the rest of their lives. For some reason, the only thing she could think about was her best friend's boyfriend. He was off limits. It just wasn't possible for her to have him. After all, he did choose the brunette over her.
One heartbreak was good enough to cause her to change. She didn't hang out with them a lot anymore. She had gotten into some bad things. In a way, she had found herself, or her old self. It was their fault after all. The "it" couple. They had ruined her and nobody knew. The long sleeves she wore everyday only covered so many wounds. She was struggling and no one seemed to notice or care.
What she found really hard to believe was that her best friend in the entire world didn't see that she had changed. The brunette was just too invested in her relationship to care. Nobody cared that she was living alone, or working to feed herself. Nobody noticed that she had stopped coming to school every day or that her mom was gone. Nobody saw that she was putting on a brave face for the world when in reality she cried herself to sleep almost every night. It was just too much for her to handle. She couldn't do it.
She was just too broken.
She was his girlfriend's best friend. He wasn't supposed to be in love with her. He was supposed to be in love with the cheerful and perky brunette he spent every second with. He couldn't get the blonde out of his head though. She was all he thought about every day and every night. He knew he couldn't be in love with her because he had chosen his girlfriend over her. That was supposed to get rid of any feelings for her. For some reason though, she was always in his mind.
Nobody knew what he was struggling with. Nobody knew that his parents were both back in Texas because New York was to hard for them. Nobody knew that he was dying inside. Nobody knew that pretending to be Mr. Good Guy was slowly killing him. His girlfriend didn't know that he was in love with someone else. Nobody knew that every night he snuck off to smoke behind the alley near his apartment or that on weekends he got high at raves. Nobody knew that eve since he made his choice, he couldn't handle being the guy that broke his true love's heart.
He knew that something was wrong with her. She didn't hang out with them as much anymore and when she did, she wasn't really there. Nobody else seemed to notice that something was going on with the blonde but him. Even his girlfriend didn't seem to notice, which alarmed him. He knew that his choice had affected the friendship but he really didn't know how much. He didn't want to be the jerk that showed up and tore apart the best group of friends New York. He had turned his back on who he was and it killed him. He was being torn apart and he was done pretending to be who he isn't.
He was too broken to pretend.
It was Monday and a new week at Abigail Adams High School. He was talking to his girlfriend trying to make interesting conversation, instead of listening to her complain about whoever Missy had fucked that week. He eventually gave up and leaned against her locker nodding occasionally to make it look like he was invested in whatever the hell she was saying. In reality, he was watching the blonde walk through the halls. She was dressed today in her distressed black jeans, heeled combat boots, red Rolling Stones t-shirt and her signature black leather jacket. Her hair cascaded down her back in a new style and her eyes were lined in black gel. The normal icy blue fire in her eyes was almost gone, making her look even scarier. She intrigued him. As she moved through the hall, people walking next to her made sure to stay out of her way and to not make eye contact.
She walked up to his and the brunette. "Peaches, how you doin?" His girlfriend asked just now noticing her best friend next to her. He looked into the blonde's eyes as she struggled to find an acceptable answer, "Fine honey, I'm fine."
Of course nobody knew that this wasn't the truth. Nobody except him. He could see the pain in her eyes. He recognized the pain in her eyes because he knew that his held the same. He wondered what was really wrong with her. He did know that she wouldn't tell anyone.
The blonde looked over at him and nodded in place of saying hi. His choice had destroyed whatever relationship they had. Just thinking about it made him sick. He turned his back on his girlfriend and the blonde and started to walk out of the school. The brunette ran to his side and asked him where he was going. He responded with some bullshit lie about his mom being sick and hurried out of the school. In truth, he needed to get away from her and her intoxicating presence. He walked around to the football field and slipped under the bleachers with ease. He pulled the carton of cigarettes out of his back pocket and held one up to his lips, lighting it with a lighter his dad had left behind before they left.
As he exhaled, he felt his stress fade away with the smoke. He loved the taste of tobacco almost as much as he loved the vanilla smell of her hair. After 10 minutes he put out his cigarette and popped a breath mint. There was still time before school started but to be honest, he felt like ditching. He turned around and started to exit the bleachers but decided there was no harm in smoking one more. He had lit the cigarette when he heard a soft voice behind him.
"Got another one?"
He turned around and she was standing there, talking to him for what felt like the first time in forever. Without speaking he pulled out his pack and handed her a cig. She held it in between her plump lips and he wordlessly held up the lighter, igniting the tobacco inside. She took a long drag and blew the smoke out slowly.
"Damn cowboy. I didn't know you were such a bad boy."
He smirked, "There's a lot you don't know about me Blondie."
She rolled her eyes at the nickname and took another drag of her cigarette. "Your girlfriends looking for you."
It was his turn to roll his eyes, "Let her look."
She smiled a little before putting out her cigarette. "Got a mint cowboy?"
He pulled the tin out of his pocket, "Why must you call me that?"
She took the mint, "You love it."
And just like that she was gone, leaving him alone under the bleachers with his thoughts.
The day went by quickly and soon their group separated. She went back to her apartment to change into her work uniform and he went with his girlfriend back to her house to "study." They all knew what happened on those study dates but no one said anything. Nobody cared. It seemed to be a pattern among their friends.
She opened her apartment door and stripped all of her clothes off, jumping in the shower to rinse the smell of booze and smoke off of her. She rinsed her body off with coconut body wash and rinsed her hair with shampoo and conditioner. After showering she blow dried her hair and walked to her closet. She pulled the teal and white uniform dress. She left the top two buttons undone, which would gain her more tips from the single men and sometimes the married ones who came through the diner. She pulled on white trainers and braided her hair down her back. After she was ready, she grabbed her purse and pulled the door open making sure it locked behind her.
He had gone home with his girlfriend and they were currently in her room on the bed. They were engaged in a heavy make out session. His lips on hers and his tongue exploring her mouth. She moaned out loud as his tongue slipped out of her mouth and trailed down to her neck. He left small kisses on her neck and let his hands wander to the hem of her shirt. He started to pull it off when she stopped him.
"Baby, I said I wasn't ready."
He rolled off of her, his erection already disappearing. They were both out of breath from their "study session."
"Sweetie, are you home." He jumped up at the familiar sound of his teacher's voice.
He quickly pulled his t-shirt over his head and slipped on his boots, already out the window by the time the brunette's dad had entered the room. He collapsed halfway down the fire escape and thought about what had just happened. He knew that his girlfriend wasn't a virgin, she had told him. For some reason though she wanted to wait with him until marriage. If he was honest he would ditch her for someone he could fuck whenever he wanted but he had made his choice and he had to stick with it.
Still, he thought to himself, maybe I should go see her. He was of course thinking about the blonde. He was always thinking about her. He wanted to know what was wrong. The girl he knew would have never smoked. Then again, he wouldn't have either. He started walking down the streets of New York and stopped at a familiar apartment complex. He took a breath before entering the door and walking up the stairs to her apartment.
She was exhausted. The diner was even busier than usual tonight. The only thing she wanted to do was collapse on her bed and binge watch a stupid TV show. She climbed the steps to her apartment and found him sitting on the top step. He stood up when he saw her.
"Cowboy what the fuck are you doing here?"
He could tell she was tired and he didn't even take notice of her clothing until she slipped off her shoes. He knew something was wrong. It was weird that she was working. She looked uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable.
She pushed past him and made her way to her apartment, her keys fumbling at the lock. He stood behind her making his presence very known. He followed her into the apartment and remembered the last time he was here. It was a while ago. He followed her into the bedroom.
"What do you want cowboy?"
His eyes roamed over her body, her milky white skin was translucent next to the color of her uniform. He felt himself grow harder. She looked at him expectantly.
"You," was all he said before slamming her against the wall and pressing his lips to hers. She kissed back just as passionately and gladly accepted his tongue when he bit her lip. He moved his lips from her mouth to her neck: Latching on and nibbling the skin, probably leaving marks. Not like either of them cared. She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened their kiss. He moved her to the bed, setting her down on the edge and pulling his shirt over his head. She untied her dress and pulled off her socks quickly. Soon she was sitting in her red lace bra and panties staring at him in his boxers. They panted and paused for a moment before he attacked her lips again. She clawed at his back as his lips and tongue moved down her body, stopping at her bra. He unhooked it with ease and lowered his mouth onto her nipple. He bit the rosy bud and licked around it. She moaned out loud and he felt himself getting even more turned on. He switched his attention to her other nipple and she writhed around underneath him, squirming in pleasure.
She pulled him back up to her lips and tugged on his boxers. He let her pull them off of him and moaned when her soft hand wrapped around his erect member. She pumped her hand up and down around his shaft making him cross-eyed. He reluctantly pulled her hands up and held them above her head as he removed her lace thong. He gave her one last kiss before moving his head down to between her legs. She screamed in pleasure when his tongue flicked against her clit. He moved his hand and ran it over her pussy, teasing her slightly. He pushed a finger into her and started pumping. His lips attached to her clit and she moaned.
"Oh my god, yes."
He smirked and lifted his head, "Do you like that baby?"
She glared at him, "Shut up and get back to work cowboy."
He smiled and complied, licking her clit and flicking it with her tongue. He added another finger making her scream his name. He pumped for a few more minutes before she came all over his fingers. He buried his head in her pussy, licking her clean. He was about to suck her juices off of her fingers when she pulled his hand to her mouth and took his fingers in her mouth, moaning, as she tasted herself. He moaned her name.
"Baby I need you."
She reached into her nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. He rolled it onto his dick and put his tip against her opening. She was about to tell him to keep going when he slammed into her causing a scream of pleasure to come out of her mouth followed by a steady flow of curse words. He bent down and captured her lips in a kiss again, their tongues danced together.
He fucked her hard and soon the both of them were close to the edge. She came first, screaming his name in pleasure and writhing underneath him. He followed moaning her name followed by "fuck" as he erupted into the condom. He kissed her gently before rolling off of her.
"What the hell was that?"
He looked over at the blonde, "What do you mean beautiful?"
She stared at him incredulously, "You just cheated on your girlfriend. With her best friend."
His eyes widened at the realization. "Fuck."
He scrambled to find his clothes and quickly got dressed. She watched him move around her room.
"Cowboy, where are you going."
"To fix this." His last words rang out through her apartment as he slipped out of the door and left her naked, in her bed, wondering what had just happened. She had lost her cowboy again.
He knew it was wrong leaving her like that but he needed to talk to his girlfriend. He climbed the fire escape to her room and stepped through the window. She was on her bed scrolling through her Instagram feed. He locked her bedroom door to make sure they wouldn't be interrupted.
"Ooo cowboy, what are you doing?"
He bristled when she used the blonde's nickname for him, "Don't call me that."
She looked taken aback but then her eyes hardened. "Where were you?"
He looked guilty for a second but answered honestly, "Cheating on you. We're done."
She sat on her bed, staring at him in shock. He took the opportunity to set down and envelope that held a letter he had written explaining everything that had happened that day. He climbed back out the window and headed back to her apartment.
He found her on the floor of the bathroom, curled into a ball, crying.
"What's wrong?"
She jumped up at the sound of his voice, "I thought you went back to her."
His heart broke at the sight of his blonde angel crying in front of him.
"Baby no. I'm never making that mistake again. I dumped her ass."
She looked at him, "No… you didn't?"
He nodded at her, "I did."
She threw her arms around his body and he held her close to him enjoying the smell of vanilla.
The next day, school was awkward to say the least. His ex ignored him most of the day and his current girlfriend and him spent their free time smoking under the bleachers together. They were happy for the first time in their lives. That was until History.
"Destruction," their teacher began.
She rolled her eyes, "At it again I see Matthews."
"When am I not?"
"Good point, continue."
He pulled out his phone and texted her Janitor's closet after school?
She smirked and texted back Definitely.
"Destruction is a circle. You destroy something and then that broken object destroys something else and it continues until it comes back to bite you in the butt. It always comes back to you."
He glanced over at the brunette who was doodling something in her notebook.
"Destruction happens when there is nothing left to be broken, when you've reached the end of the line. Destruction is when there is no one left to hurt. So you hurt yourselves."
She looked back at him and winked.
"This is destruction," Matthews said standing next to him. The conversation and actions going on in the class stopped and everyone looked at the teacher then at him. He stood up and grabbed his stuff.
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
She got up and followed him, knowing exactly where he would go. She walked behind him until they got to the bleachers before tapping his shoulder and offering him a cigarette. He kissed her gratefully and lit it with his own lighter.
"Babe she is his daughter, he's going to attack us. We just have to be together. We've waited long enough for this."
He kissed her sweetly. "I know baby. It's just very stressful."
"I think I can fix that."
She slid to her knees and unbuckled his jeans. She pulled his member out of his boxers and slid her mouth over the head, her tongue dancing on the tip. He moaned and put his hand on the back of her head, encouraging her to go further. She deep throated his cock and sucked, pulling her head up and releasing his now fully erect member from her mouth. "Feeling less stressed babe?"
He moaned in response and she reattached her mouth to his penis. She bobbed her head up and down and added her hand to the mix. Stroking his shaft while teasing the tip with her tongue. She moved her hand down to his balls and deep throated him again. He moaned her name and wrapped his fingers in her hair, moving her head gently to his pleasure.
A few minutes later he tensed up and moaned loudly as he came in her mouth. She put his dick back in his boxers and zipped up his jeans, buckling them too. She wiped a stray drop of cum off of her lip, having swallowed the rest. He stared at her in amazement before pulling her into a deep kiss.
He didn't hate the taste of himself on her lips but he didn't like it either. She moaned into the kiss. "Okay babe, we should get back to class now."
He nodded and kissed her one last time. They headed back to class and ignored their classmates' stares as they settled into their seats. She reached up and fixed her hair before turning her attention to the lesson. Matthews was still rambling on about destruction when the bell rang. Before dismissing the class he said, "Just remember guys, there's always a calm before a storm."
They all left the classroom thinking about what Matthews said. Their last class of the day flew by. Soon he found himself lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling as she finished a painting for art class. He was thinking about everything that had happened in the past few days. He sat up and watched her paint. Her blonde hair fell down her back in soft curls and her face was focused on the canvas in front of her. Then he thought about what she was like before he picked her best-friend over her versus what she was like now. The old "Blonde Beauty" would have never given him a blowjob under the bleachers at school.
"Babe, what happened to you." The words came out of him suddenly. He couldn't stop the question form coming out. She turned her head slightly so she could still paint but also look at him.
"What do you mean?"
"When I chose your best-friend over you, you changed. Or something in you shifted. You used to be more innocent, more vulnerable."
She eyed him up and down before putting down her paintbrush and sliding into the bed next to him, "You broke my heart cowboy. I was in love with you, even if it didn't seem like it sometimes. I was in love with you. You chose her. Everyone chose her..." She trailed off.
He didn't even try to defend himself, he knew exactly what he did and he felt very guilty. He almost didn't hear her say the next part, "You left me broken."
He pulled her to his chest and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You're not the only one that's broken."
She lifted her head to look at him, "What are you talking about Huckleberry?"
He told her about his parents leaving and about turning back into his old self. He even told her that he felt guilty about becoming who he actually was again. She rubbed him arm in support and when he was done, she told him everything: From the cutting, to her mom leaving, to the drugs and drinking. He embraced her and for the first time ever, they shared a moment as two people who can overcome anything as long as they were together.