Once Upon a Hiking Trip, an avengers fanfic

Once Upon a Hiking Trip

~Loki Laufeyson

Not too long ago, mortals. I was thinking about that one time Bucky, the Avengers and I went on a hiking trip in the Mt. Hood National forest in Oregon.

It all started when Barton came into the break room (the break room is where we usually hang out at) with a paper in his hand and he had a smile on his pathetic face.

"Guys!" said Barton excitedly while waving the paper around. "I found an awesome place to go hiking!"

"Oh no…" Romanoff face palmed. "Please, Clint, tell me. Are you going to drag all of us with you to Yellowstone just so that you can build a nest while the rest of us sit there yelling at you and forcing you out with guns and-"

"Banner." I thought out loud.

Everyone looked at me.

"Am I really that bad?" Banner asked cheerlessly.

"Yes!" everyone said at once.

"Oh…"

Stark came up and snatched the paper from his hand and began to look at it.

"Like I said," Barton continued. "It's awesome!"

"You mean an awesome place for building a nest?" Rogers asked irritatedly.

"No, Steve, no." he replied agitatedly.

"Is it an awesome place to hide?" Bucky asked.

I lifted an eyebrow at him and then took a sip of my coffee. I didn't realize everyone else was reacting the same way to his question.

"What?" he asked.

"Yo!" said Stark out of the blue. "It's at Mt. Hood! It's near Portland! I know this place. Barton's right! It's awesome!"

At that moment, Thor came in the room.

"Thor!" said Stark. "Hey, big guy!"

"I thought I was big guy." said Banner.

"No, man. You're science bro." Stark replied.

"Oh…"

"What is it that you desire?" Thor asked Stark.

"We're going hiking at Mt. Hood in Oregon!" Stark beamed.

"You mean to tell me, that we are going to the Mountain of Hoods in the land of Oregon?" Thor pronounced Oregon as Or-eh-gh-on.

"WHAT?!" I asked in disgust.

"It's pronounced Or-eh-gun." Bucky corrected.

"And how do you know that?" I asked.

"Because I know an agent that's from there." Bucky answered.

"Where's she from?" Stark asked curiously.

"He is from Eugene." Bucky corrected again.

"Okay… I'm done talking to you, Buck. You're too depressing." Stark admitted.

"TO OREGUN WE GO!" Thor yelled.

Everyone was quiet.

"Whaaaaat…?" somebody said quietly.

We took a small jet plane and flew all the way from over Florida to Portland Oregon. Surprisingly, it was green. Sure I've been to many green places in Midgard, but this was a different kind of green. It was all wet and cloudy. There were fern plants and douglas fir trees which was everywhere. And-and the grass… Nothing was biting me!

"IT'S FREEZING!" Barton complained.

"Yeah, of course it is, Clint. You're in the northwest in early April. It's going to be cold." said Stark.

"Well that escalated quickly." I commented. Honestly, I didn't notice. If I wanted to, I would've worn shorts and a tank top or what I used to wear in Asgard, but I didn't. Instead, I was forced to wear jeans and a t-shirt against my own will. Which is why I chose a green t-shirt. Ehehehehehe...

"It is hot!" Thor complained. So he took off his red t-shirt… Now he was shirtless.

"Thor!" I shouted. "Mortals are staring!"

But, unlike what I'm used to. Nobody cared… Except for this one woman who blushed and then she fainted.

"O… K…" said Rogers. Then he turned around and said. "OH! THOR! PUT-ON-A-SHIRT!"

"It is hot!"

"NO! JUST DO AS I SAY!"

Thor put his shirt back on.

then I caught myself laughing. "Ehehehehehehe!"

Barton walked up and smacked me upside the back of my head. I glared… There was nothing I could do about it.

And so we went to the National Forest of Mt. Hood.

We hiked up this trail, that was very nice… Until Barton wanted to go off the trail… Which he managed to do. So we followed him, which was the most stupidest thing we could do.

But besides that, I noticed my best friend, Bucky wasn't even saying a word. Just following us… Silently…

"Bucky." I said.

He did not answer.

"Bucky." I continued:

"Bucky."

Then Rogers joined in:

"Bucky." we said together.

"Bucky."

"WHAT?!" Bucky screamed.

"Nothing." I smiled as Rogers waved at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Can this day get ANY worse?!" He yelled at the sky.

Then at that moment, it began to rain.

"OH COME ON!" Everyone cried.

"Ehehehehehehe!" I laughed. I was actually the only one who enjoyed the rain.

But on the other hand, there was Banner, who just stood there, retaining his anger. "I hate rain." he thought aloud.

And then right after a moment or so, Barton began to run. It sucked. First, we went off the trail in the middle of nowhere. Second, it began to rain, which first it was nice, but it rained the whole time we were hiking and then we were all cold and wet so that was not fun at all. And third, we had to chase after Barton even further away from the trail.

Barton was such a fast runner that we shot a gun at Banner to turn him into the beast creature to go and chase after him.

Rogers is lucky. He can tell the Hulk what to do, when to do, and how to do.

"Hulk!" He pointed up at the beast as he was about to smash me like he always does every time he turns into the creature. "Go chase barton like a bull and bring him over here tired like a duck that's been flying its whole life and carry him the rest of the way without smashing him to death."

"But Hulk smash!" The Hulk pointed at me.

Rogers shook his head. "No." he said. "Don't-"

"DO IT!" Stark yelled excitedly with amusement.

"NO!" I shouted. "NO NO NO NO-"

Must I continue?

The Hulk came back holding Barton like a teddy bear. Which it made the scene look even more awkward with Hawkeye squirming in his arms, trying to be a free dove again.

And there was my brother, getting all worried about how I was all cut up by that RIDICULOUS SMASHING TROLL!

… I hate Stark…

"Brother!" Thor cried. "You're bleeding!"

"I know, Thor! Thank you for reminding me how painfully infirm I feel!" I judged.

"I'm sorry, brother… That was my fault."

"Thor! Shut thy mouth!" I tempered. "This is by far not as bad of condition I was in the dark world!"

"Loki?" Thor asked sternly. "What are you saying?"

"I literally almost died in the dark world!" I complained.

"No, you didn't!" Thor argued.

"Are you callin' me a liar?" I tempered.

"I ain't callin' you a truther!" Thor replied.

I gasped. "De pute aire!" I insulted him.

Thor gave me an angry look… Almost terrifying, but I wasn't afraid. "Spongy Glus!"

I gasped again. "Did you just call me what I think you did?" I glared.

Thor chuckled. "Indeed, brother of mine."

We began to throw insults at each other. I didn't quite pay attention to the expressions on the Bucky's and the Avengers' faces. I was too angry.

"You goat dung!"

"You pig filth!"

"Hag!"

"Lumpish quim!"

I managed to look over to see Romanoff's expression: wide eyes, jaw dropped, eyebrows knitted. I'm sure she recognized the second word to what I said.

Thor stammered. "Fis a putain!"

I was silent. Then I bursted out laughing. "That's not even an insult for me, you blonde, plumpish puterelle!"

Thor glared. I hadn't realized that I had a painful bruise on my forehead until Thor just had to poke it HARD. I'll have to admit. He may not be good at insulting, but he is REALLY good at comebacks.

"Okay, guys. That's enough." Rogers ordered. "Stop insulting each other with old Medieval slights."

"But that does mean Thor can continue to poke his brother?" Stark asked.

Rogers glared at Tony and then looked back at Thor and I. "Do. Not. Poke. Each. Other. Hear me? Keep your hands to yourselves!" Steve tempered.

Thor nodded. Which was strange. You'd think he'd totally ignore Rogers.

So we turned around and began to walk back.

"Man," Stark mocked. "Where's the popcorn when you need it?"

"ARG!" Barton cried. "Lemme go!"

"Hulk hug!" the Hulk tightened his grip.

I began to get annoyed with those two on the way back so I turned them into birds. Unfortunately, I was chased down by a tall ostrich and a freaking hawk. Go figure!

Of course the birds and I made it to the jet first. I had to wait for two hours as I was pecked in the head multiple times.

So the Avengers and Bucky made it to the jet, we flew back to the S.H.I.E.L.D recruit ship, yadda yadda yadda.

First things first, before you get all excited because it's the ending:

I am never going on a hiking trip with the Avengers and Bucky ever again!