As he gently turned Emily to her back and began to feel her skin, he also thought he felt her stiffen, as if she was uncomfortable. He adjusted his body so that he wouldn't hurt her but as he began to kiss her again, he was sure he felt her stiffen again and this time, she pulled back so that he had to stretch to kiss her. He lifted his head to look at her and her eyes were wide open, not fearful but shocked. She murmured something and he had to lean in.
"What?" he said softly.
"This isn't going to work" she said again. He understood perfectly what she had said but certainly, not what she meant. He quickly moved off of her.
"Sorry, am I hurting you?"
"Oh no! Not at all. It's just…this isn't going to work…this, THIS. You know what I mean?" she smiled slightly.
"No, I don't. You mean here? Right now?"
Gesturing between them, "This. Us."
He stared at her for several seconds. Sitting up next to her, his knees pulled to his chest, he looked at her face, her long blonde hair splayed out across the pillow, her soft eyes. "I don't understand. I chose you, Emily. You. We've waited a long time for this."
"What do you mean 'we'? You haven't waited at all. I did all the waiting."
"Whoa! I thought we both wanted this. You've wanted it for a long time and I thought you would be excited! I picked you."
He waited for her response. She didn't know what to say because she couldn't say what she was thinking. It would be too painful. She slowly moved off the bed and started putting her shirt on.
"Aren't you going to say anything? What is going on?" He almost sounded pathetic but she knew that was just the hormones talking.
"Is this about Micah? I mean, you just started liking him today. You can't switch that fast. Can you?"
Emily looked straight into Will's eyes and before she could stop herself, she said, "I don't know how I feel about Micah but I know he chose me FIRST. He didn't wait until everyone else said no. He wants me and I like how that feels. I thought I was over you and then I wasn't sure… but now I am. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings. I don't want to hurt you. You are one of my closest friends but to be frank, you disregarded how I felt and did what you felt like doing and so I think I can do the same. When we were kissing, all I could think of is when Micah kissed me and it was fireworks compared to a backfire. Sorry. That was too far. But you know what I mean, I'm sure. I'm sorry Will. I hope you understand."
Will laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling while he contemplated saying what he really thought, which was, I want YOU now but he knew how that would sound and in reality, it was kind of true. Maybe this is rebound sex. Would I still be with Casandra if I could? I'm not going there right now…!
"I don't understand, Emily. But whatever" was all that came out.
Emily turned and left Will half dressed, lying on HER bed. Right then, leaving that beautiful bare chest, she knew she was over him.
Emily found herself standing in the middle of her living room. She looked around for something to do while waiting for Will to get dressed and go. She knew the going part would be awkward but this whole night was not how she had ever envisioned her first intimate encounter with Will.
She spun slowly till she spotted the clean dishes in the drainer and made her way quickly over to them. He sure is taking his own sweet time.But she didn't feel comfortable pushing him to hurry, and for what? So I can be alone?I'm so messed up!
She was very quietly putting her recently washed dishes away as if she didn't want to wake him but in truth, she was just trying to hear when he came out. She finished the dishes and still, no Will.
What do I do? How do I always get myself into these crazy uncomfortable situations? Will always seems to be in the middle of them. Walking out when Micah was kissing me. Hmm, that kiss. Micah's lips. He has the best lips. Okay, remember, ballvery! Just go in and make sure he's okay. What if something happened; a heart attack, an aneurism? What would I do? Well, I am a doctor.
Emily steeled herself and slowly peered around the door frame. Will was lying on the bed exactly as she had left him.
"Will? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am not leaving. Emily, you are making a big mistake and I want to save you from it. I'm not sure what you are thinking but as soon as I leave you are going to regret it so let's just start from the beginning again. That was super hot. I'll even come through the door again, if you want."
She stood in the doorway bewildered. Surely he was joking but he didn't look like it and he sure wasn't acting like it. She stared at Will, sprawled out on her bed wearing only pants. She started to giggle at the whole situation.
Will in her bed, was what she had laid awake at night thinking about to take her mind off school. Naked Will was what she imagined when she was eating lunch with Will everyday between classes. Will wanting her - this is where she tried to force her dreams to go every night for the last 4 years. And now, she wanted nothing to do with him. How did that happen? Oh yeah, Micah.
Sweetly she spoke. "Excuse me for a minute."
She grabbed her cell from the kitchen counter and walked quickly to the bathroom. She shut and made sure to lock the door. She started to dial and then paused. She turned on the shower, full blast, on cold, of course (she was an intern, after all) and finished dialing. It rang 4 times and just as she was about to give up hope, she heard his voice.
"Micah, hey, this is Emily. But you probably knew that because you have caller ID, right?"
"Yeah. Are you okay? What's wrong? You sound out of breath."
"Well, it's a bit of a long story, um, [remember ballvery, Emily] that I would really like to come over and tell you. Would that be okay? Are you busy? Did I catch you at a bad time?"
"Whoa! Slow down. Yeah, you bet. You can come over. Can you drive or should I come get you? You don't sound well."
"No, I'm fine. I'll drive myself. I need to get out of here. I'm between giggling and hyperventilating. I'm fine."
"Do you know where I live?"
"Can you text me your address and I'll put it in my GPS?"
"You bet. See you in a minute."
"K. See you soon. And Micah, thank you. I really don't know what I'd do without you. Bye."
"Hey Emily, wait. Call me while you are driving if you need to. I want to make sure you make it here safe."
He wants me to be safe. Her heart fluttered at just those few words.
Truly, how did I not ever consider him? He is practically perfect. So amazing, kind, understanding, in-tune and holy cow, he's hot. He gets me. He has from the first day I met him. He's the one that has kept me breathing.And when he touched my face and kissed me…
As she turned off the water, Emily let out a little squeal of delight. Apparently it was louder than she thought because just then Will yelled from somewhere in her apartment.
"Emily, what are you doing?"
"Nothing. Just slipped. Sorry."
"Did you just shower? You crazy girl. I'll take you clean or dirty, just hurry!"
Completely lying she hollered back, "I'll be right there." With that, she quietly opened the bathroom door, peaked out, grabbed her coat, bag and keys and she was gone.
After getting Micah's text and plugging it into her phone's GPS, she was off; a little faster than normal but she felt nervous and so alive she couldn't slow down. She knew that facing Will in the hospital the next day would be extremely uncomfortable but she pushed that guilt way down and drove a little faster.
According to the GPS Micah only lived 7.4 miles away but there must be 50 stoplights between us!
Just the word "us" made her squeal again. She felt like a giddy teenage girl. This was out of character for her but she was flying!
Just then the phone rang. She quickly stole a glance at the ID and answered.
"I only have 2.1 miles left but it feels like forever." She caught her breath and immediately retreated into herself. That was so forward. Whoa girl.
"Good. I am waiting but not patiently. Are you driving erratically cuz sobriety tests take a long time, I hear and I am getting anxious (pause) to hear your story, of course."
"No, I'm being good; a little fast but good. Oh, the light is green. Yes! Hold on. Now I have .9 miles."
"You drove 1.2 miles that fast? Be careful. I want you here alive, Emily, and quit looking at your phone."
"Just keep talking to me so I don't have to look down to hang up. Where should I park?"
"Each apartment gets two spots so you can take my other one."
"You mean the good Dr. doesn't have two cars. One for business and one for play?"
"I'm lucky to have one. It was my graduation present to myself. It was between that and paying off loans. I made the right choice." She could hear him smiling.
"Is that you, on the side walk, waving?" Her heart skipped a beat just seeing him waiting outside for her.
"I see you. Just go around the back of the building."
He ran next to her car smiling his irresistible smile. She tried to drive straight but kept stealing glances at him. He pointed to an empty space and she couldn't help wondering if his car was the Honda Pilot on the left or the Camaro on the right. She guessed the Pilot. Ew, but maybe the Camaro. No, please no.
He opened her door and all of the sudden she felt shy. Where did that come from?
He shut the door behind her and stared at her for a moment, right through her. She looked down, unsure of what she was doing there. Just then, she felt Micah's hands on her arms pulling her to him. He wrapped her in a warm hug and said, into her hair, "I'm so glad you're here."
She pulled back and smiled. "Me, too."
A few silent seconds lingered between them. Micah gestured for her to start walking and gently guided her at the small of her back. Her body started to heat up and she felt his touch at every step. As they reached his apartment, the butterflies in her stomach took flight. Why am I nervous? Micah has been my friend for months. He still is. Calm down. Breathe. That's what he would say.
"Hey Emily," turning her towards him and pulling her back into reality, "breathe."
"Is it that obvious?" and they both started to laugh. And then she couldn't stop. It was getting embarrassing. Just solid guttural laughs coming uncontrollably and then in an instant the laughs turned to sobs. From deep somewhere inside her, from places she didn't know existed, came sobs and with each sob came tears. Lots of tears.
Micah reached out and pulled her in. He hugged her tight as her body jerked to catch each breath. He held on to her and stroked her hair. After several agonizing minutes, Emily's crying let up and she began to calm down. He let her go to retrieve some tissues.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. That came out of nowhere," she said in between choking breaths. "Thank you," as he handed her the tissues.
"It's okay." He paused. "It's better than okay. I'm so glad you were here. You are so cute when you cry. Irresistible, really."
He took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat down and pulled her next to him so that she could not have been any closer without being on his lap.
"So what happened tonight? If you want to tell me."
"Where do I start? Seriously. Do you want the long or short version?"
He looked right in her eyes and softly said, "the long version."
She couldn't help herself and immediately turned and grabbed Micah around the neck with both arms, tight. He was startled but wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. She held on to him for a long time; for dear life.
Finally, she leaned back, closed her eyes, laid her head against the couch and stretched out her legs. She was quiet for a long time. When she felt Micah move, she pried open her swollen eye lids. Micah was still there. She felt so peaceful knowing he was next to her, close to her, she shut her eyes again and in her mind she heard Micah's voice.
"Emily. Emily. Wake up. I have my bed ready for you. I'll sleep out here on the couch. Come on. I'll help you up."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. One minute I was bawling and now I'm sleeping in your bed? What a conniving tramp I am." She grinned and tried to look at Micah but her eyes couldn't focus.
"Thanks for letting me stay. I really didn't mean for this to happen."
"I'm happy, very happy you are here."
"Can I ask you a question? Do you have an extra toothbrush I could use. I will replace it, I promise. I just cannot go to sleep without brushing."
Micah grinned, "Well, you just proved yourself wrong on the couch."
"Well, about 2:30 I'll wake up and borrow one then."
"No, no, that's fine. I have a few extra. Follow me."
"Anywhere" she whispered. He heard her and she could feel him grinning behind her. She was too tired to feel embarrassed.
Not a great place to be when you are too tired to care about your actions but he's a gentleman. He won't take advantage…sadly. She grinned, too.
When Emily came out of the bathroom, Micah's couch was made up and he had changed into a T-shirt and shorts. His shoulders are so broad. His calf muscles are heavenly. Oh crap, he's a runner, I bet. I hate running. But maybe I've been running with the wrong people.
"I'm really fine to sleep on the couch. I deserve it after being the party pooper."
"No, I want you to sleep in my bed." He looked at her securely.
"How do I argue with that?" she said grinning. She followed him into his room and gently touched the frayed camping quilt on the bed.
"My Gran made that for me when I joined the Boy Scouts. It's the best. I mean it's no label maker, but we can't all be that lucky."
"I don't sleep with my label maker, if that's what your implying. It looks perfect. Thank you for letting me use it."
"Of course."
He showed her how to turn off the bed lamp, "it's weird, you have to turn it backwards" and walked to the door.
"Good night Emily. Sleep tight."
She was already under the quilt and her eyes shutting.
"Thanks, Micah, for everything."
"Hey Micah?"
Nothing.
"Micah?" she shuffled a little closer.
"Huh? Emily? What's wrong?" rubbing his eyes and trying to focus.
"I'm sorry to wake you up. I just didn't know if you were asleep but I guess I just answered my own question. Sorry. Good night."
"Wait, come back. Come here." He moved towards the back of the couch so she could sit.
"No it's fine. I'll talk to you in the morning."
He watched her walk back to his room. Pretty soon he was in her doorway.
"Can I come in for a minute?"
"Micah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have woken you up. I just had a crazy dream and thought maybe you were awake."
"Can I come in, though?"
"Yes, of course."
He walked to the bed and looked down at her. She moved over so that he could sit.
"What was your dream about?"
"What everything in my life is about; Will."
Clearly taken aback, Micah shifted a bit, trying to decide whether or not he wanted to hear this.
"What do you mean everything?"
"I thought I was done with him, over him."
"Yeah, I remember, three totally's." She didn't know what he was talking about but continued.
"Then tonight he came over. He told me that he picked me over Casandra, that they broke up and he kissed me."
"Wow. This was your dream?"
"No! That really happened. In my dream we made love and I felt so bad afterwards. I didn't know how to tell you. It's was so real that when I woke up I had couldn't shake it so I wanted to tell you but I realize now that I am not really in my right mind. I'm still shaking though."
"Well, this is a little personal but given the circumstances, did you like the kiss? Do you have feelings for him again? Still?"
Reaching out to take his hand, she softly said, "No. That's how I know. Because I did not want to hurt you. I couldn't stand doing that to you."
Micah stood slowly and paused.
"Please don't leave."
He looked at her for a moment and quietly walked around the bed and lifted Gran's quilt. He climbed in and scooted his body right next to her, feeling her body warmth and soft skin. She turned away from him and shifted her body even deeper next to his. She felt behind her for his arm and pulled it over her. She had never felt more safe and sure in her entire life. She quit shaking and didn't dream again.