You Don't See Me

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
This is as hard as it gets
Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

Ray Barnett sat on a small stage in a seedy club, strumming his guitar, pouring his heart out as he always did to a girl who didn't even know every note was for her. Every syllable he sang, every word he wrote it was always for her. He knew she would be there soon, sitting in the front row watching him intently, supporting his addiction as she always referred to it, without a clue of any of it.


I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and achin'
And tumblin' and breakin'

As he played, he thought back to earlier that day, when he had been in the ER, working a shift with her…Neela Rasgotra, the woman of his dreams. The one girl he knew he couldn't live without, but on the other hand knew he would have to.

"Ray, why must you sit here and watch me fill out my paperwork? Isn't there something else you could be doing? A patient you should be seeing?" She had asked, sitting at the small nurse's station filling out charts.

All he could do was smile at her and shake his head. "Nope. It's a slow day, everyone I have to see has been seen, and all my paperwork has been filled out. Now I'm just waiting for the day to end so I can go home."

"Do you have a gig tonight?" She asked

He nodded "Yeah…small club no big deal…my first show since my band dumped me."

She had smiled back at him. "If I get off on time, maybe I'll come watch. Support my roomie in his incessant lust for the rock star life…" she laughed and picked up her charts, walking away.

He watched her go with a sigh, wishing he could tell her just how he really felt, wishing he could be with her, hold her in his arms and keep her safe forever…



Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

He stared down at his guitar, letting the pain he felt over Neela the past…he wasn't sure how much time had passed it felt like forever. Eternity was how it felt every time he was in the room with her, every time he was working side by side with her in the ER, and every time he was just sitting at home watching movies with her.
He couldn't look up into the crowd of happy couples dancing closely with one another. So in love…


I dream a world where you understand
That I dream a million sleepless nights
Well I dream a fire when you're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights

He thought back now to a dream he had that morning before awakening for work. A dream he wished a thousand times over he could live in forever.

She was so beautiful, no more then usual but that was what he remembered. In a long flowing dress, a big smile pasted on her face she had run to him, leaped into his arms and gave him a big kiss which he had graciously accepted, spinning her around, the hem of her dress floating along as she spun.

"Oh Ray," she had said, "How did I ever get along without you?"

He had simply smiled and set her down, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer still to him.

Before he had had the chance to hear his own reply, he awoke to the sound of someone pounding on his door.

"Ray!" Neela's voice had called "Ray get your ass out of bed you've got work in an hour!"


I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,


Nothing but good friends?

Back on stage Ray continues to pour his heart out through his music. The one way he could get the feelings he was usually forced to suppress out in the open. Usually after a set he did feel slightly better, at least until he arrived back home to find Neela passed out on the couch, curled up into herself trying to stay warm. That was when the heartache returned, when it was all he could do to keep from bending down to kiss her as he covered her in a warm blue blanket he always kept close by for just such occasions. One time he had come incredibly close to actually kissing her, he was inches away from those smooth amazing lips of hers, but she had awoken, and he had made a lame excuse about trying to get an eyelash off her cheek for her before retreating to his room.


Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would

He thinks back now to when she had agreed to move in with him, that in part was one of the best days of his life.

He had been watching her calling up people looking for a place and having no luck. He had found it quite amusing, knowing that in the end she would cave and finally agree to room with him.

"Well, how much a month?" she asked into the receiver angrily, quickly slamming the phone down when an answer came she wasn't too pleased with.

He had approached her slowly, with a smirk on his face trying to sound sincere
" Oh, it's ugly out there." He commented

She had simple sighed, turning to him with a frown "You usually do early shifts right so you can go for gigs with your band?"

He nodded "Yeah, yeah, and if you stick to your late shifts and your overnights..."

"Weeks could go by and we might never see each other?" she asked

He smiled then, knowing he was right she had caved. "Months, even…Welcome, roomie!"




This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get

He had thought he was just getting a roommate, someone to help him with the rent who wouldn't be hauled off by the cops for drug possession or ripping off a convenience store…but he had gotten so much more. A love, a soul mate someone he could talk to and joke with…if only she could see it his way. She didn't, he knew she didn't and he didn't want to push himself on her. She knew what kind of guy he was…he was a changed man now, he had to make her see…the one night stands, the groupies they were in the past. The only girl he wanted now was her.


I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you

He looked up at the crowd finally, just in time to spot her walking in, Abby and a few others from the ER with her. His eyes were locked on her as he continued to sing, watching them find a table and sit, order their drinks. She looked to him and gave him a small smile, which he returned, never once faltering with his fingering, with his lyrics. He had worked on this song for months, practiced every note until his fingers bled he could sing and play it in his sleep…there was no way he would ever falter.


Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would

He looks away from her, unable to watch her anymore, his chest tightening with the heartache of it all. Why couldn't he be with her? What was so wrong with the two of them being an item? Was it the colour thing? Why should that make a difference? So he was white and she was…not so much, why should that matter? All that really mattered was how he felt in his heart, and he knew the only thing he felt was love and devotion to her. He would never hurt her never make her cry. He deserved to have her, and he was tired of playing around. She had to know how he felt and tonight was the night.


Cause you don't see me


And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

He finished the song, locking eyes with her once more as he spoke the last line, putting everything he had into it, knowing that wasn't the way to tell her, but it would certainly open things up for him. This was it, the time for everything to change. He just hoped she didn't freak out, take off and leave him broken in half…

"Uh…thanks…you were a great crowd tonight…" he speaks into the microphone with a smile as the room explodes with the sound of applause. He stands, stretching his legs and setting his guitar in its stand at the side of the stage before hopping down, heading for her, determined now.

"Hey guys!" he says with another smile as he approaches the table "What's up?"

"Hey Ray." Abby says mimicking his smile "Great song…kinda soft for you thought isn't it?"

He laughs and shakes his head before looking to Neela "Hey roomie…think I can talk to you for a sec? Just a thing with the apartment and…"

Before he could finish, she rises from the table, walking towards him, pulling him in close to her and kissing him passionately on the lips. His heart beats wildly in his chest, and he hopes this wasn't just a joke the others had put her up to, just for chuckles.

She pulls away and he frowns, not sure what to say or do at that moment, frozen in his place on the hard sticky floor of the bar. He swallows and opens his mouth to speak, but she cuts him off after taking a breath of her own.

"I know Ray." She says quietly "I've known for…I just wasn't sure how to deal with it…I couldn't see you as anything but a friend, a roommate. But after hearing that song…" she looks down, then back up at him. "And going over everything in my mind I…I think I'm falling in love with you…" she looks down again, closing her eyes.

He can't do anything but grin widely. The words he had been wanting to hear from her lips, the words he had longed to say to her…everything was wrapping up, working out to be what he thought he could only dream of. "I love you Neela," he says, lifting her chin so he could look into those beautiful brown eyes of hers. "I've been trying to find a way to tell you…guess now I don't have to huh?"

She laughs back and nods "Guess not…" she leans up and kisses him again, this time he is able to kiss her back, wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight to him.


Somebody Pinch me cuz I'm in…

Ray awakens with a start to loud pounding on his bedroom door.

"Ray! Ray! God Damnit Ray wake up your shift starts in thirty minutes!"

He sits up, blinking rapidly and glancing around. "Well that just…sucks." He sighs as Neela continues to pound on his door. "I'm up Neela!" he shouts leaning his head back against the headboard. "I'm up…"