Chapter 1 Loquacious Luxuries
A light reptilian foot slid across the Noah's face as his snore stuttered, and he stirred slightly, kicking the stained bed covers half off. He remained unconscious.
"Bok, bok, bok!" The chicken scratched through the Noah's disarranged hair before sticking its foot into the black hole known as a teenager's mouth. It picked through its feathers and went slightly cross-eyed, trying to look down at its sinking foot and the figure leaning against the wall.
"Devitto?" Jasdero asked as he trudged his way against the wall before breaking off it and sitting on the edge of his brother's bed. "Devitto? Hee!"
Devitto remained asleep and started to snore louder than ever.
"Devitto, my chicken, he says it's time to get up." Jasdero picked the chicken up out of his brothers strangling mouth and put it on his own head. The chicken nested in the mess and fell asleep almost at once at if Jasdero's hair was full of sleeping gas, which it probably was.
"Hee, you still alive?" Jasdero wondered as he lifted his brother's eyelid and poked him in the ear with his pistol. He removed the gun from his brother's ear and picked up his other eyelid. After seeing no movement, he removed his hands from his brother's face and poked him in the neck.
"Should I get Road in here?" Jasdero pondered for a second. "With her candles? Hee, she just got a new box of them, they're red, she said they'll match the colour of your blood."
Jasdero was not capable of coming up with his own ideas or original lies, especially about other Noahs. The whole left side of his brain had collapsed and now fails to exist due to a punch upside the head by his brother's pistol. The Noah's brain, originally being the size of a marble by birth was now filled with filing cabinets full of one hundred ways to entertain a chicken and four ways to shoot yourself and your brother in the head. Usually simultaneously but there was that one time where Devitto said that if he used regular bullets one day he'd have x-ray vision. Thinking of the possibilities of being able to see through people's clothes made the twins excited.
Tyki had stopped him though, saying that it would cause all of his hair to fall out and for the rest of his life he would have to run around completely naked, for clothes would no longer existed. This was because they'd grow a mind of their own and run away to where Tyki kept all of his severed organs and limbs. He didn't specify where this place was but it sounded bad.
This of course sounded exactly like Jasdero's game, running around naked? What could be simpler? Devitto had stolen his idea of ripping off half his pants, but he had the idea of wearing no underwear. Although Jasdero had gotten it from some hooker's advice, he cherished it. That hooker was a genius; she had a filthy mouth, a black eye, and twenty one different ways to destroy someone's life. Although most of these were 'shut up you filthy slut' or 'I should really slap you silly with a light switch' Jasdero had listened for hours until a drunken dirty man with a shovel screamed at him and his brother to either pay her or get the hell out.
The twins, having spent all their money on candy and fuzzy boots, were broke down the lint in their pockets. Devitto, taking the heavy-set drunk's advice, got the hell out of there. Jasdero was a bit too slow, he had yelled, 'why don't you get out of my way?' And then he had taken out his pistol. Unable to fire by himself, he was completely useless and was hit in the head with the drunk's shovel. This would explain the collapse of the right side of his brain.
And on the other side of Tyki's threat, he would grow back his hair, wouldn't he? Even if he went so prematurely bald, Devitto had promised him he would buy him some hair because he feared that his brother would someday look like an aye-aye.
The twins had gone to buy some real bullets to stick in Jasdero but came home with a bullet usually used to take down bull elephants. It didn't even fit their guns.
"Fine, I'm going to go and get Road, right now. Hee!" Jasdero walked out of the room, banging his antenna off the wall before slipping out into the hallway.
Devitto instantly sat up in his bed and laughed.
"Stupid Jasdero, he wouldn't know the difference between a human heart and the Jersey Devil." Devitto stuck out his tongue and pulled the covers up to his face. A small movement in the corner of the room had grown to his acknowledgment, and Devitto immediately fell down and closed his eyes, hoping that Road hadn't taken Jasdero's plea and that the movement wasn't Devitto-seeking missiles.
"What about a human heart?" Tyki asked, lifting his leg off of his knee so he could lean back in the chair the twins usually used to hit things with. This chair, having gone through so much already, creaked and moaned a death threat to crash and leave Tyki on the ground covered in splinters. Although the chair thought that this abuse was a good threat, Tyki didn't take notice.
"Jasdero is so stupid."
"Did you just realize this?"
"No."
"I think truthfully he has brain damage." Tyki muttered.
Devitto, wanting to fully explain to Tyki that Jasdero's brain was just a little abused, and that he didn't completely deserve goads to throw himself off of the stairs, stuck out his tongue and went "Bleh".
"How could you two share any two thoughts? I could maybe realize that you are both stupid enough to shoot each other in the head-" Devitto took out his pistol from under his pillow and cocked it- " with those beloved pistols of yours but how could you do anything other than trying to be you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Devitto asked.
"It merely means you both are so stupid." Tyki said as he picked a spot on the cuff of his jacket.
It was silently for a minute before Devitto muttered, "Damn, why don't you just got die and do the world a favor?"
"Because I enjoy ripping out human hearts and making your lives difficult."
"I knew it."
"Everybody knows that. Why else would everybody wonder who I killed when I come home with blood on my hands?"
"Jasdevi believes that you fell in a storm drain onto a collection of alligators."
"That has never happened to me and never will." Tyke growled as if the very thought of falling or slipping by accident caused him to form potholes in his extensive ego.
"Jasdevi can still believe that."
Tyki scowled but didn't say anything else.
"How long have you been in our room?" Devitto asked.
"Since four o clock last night."
Devitto looked horrified. "Why, what were you doing you freak?"
Tyki smiled, "Why, I was just wondering if you were the ones who scream curses in your sleep. For the last few nights I have been awakened by continuous and spontaneous screams of some of the most absurd language I have ever heard."
"Like what?" Devitto asked.
"I have a list of them, you want to see?" Tyki took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it over to Devitto. He read them out loud until he got to a particularly long and difficult word he didn't know how to pronounce.
"That word is loquacious, and yes, I didn't know you knew any words with more than six letters. That is quite a jump from 'damned pigmy elephant hookers' isn't it?" Tyki said, "Wait, elephant is eight letters isn't it?"
"I called Road a loquacious little girl?"
"Yes."
"Bitchin'!"
"Yes, well I hope you are very proud of yourself, and I have one word for you." Tyki got out of the chair and took a step through the wall.
"What is that?" Devitto asked, still laughing from his use of the word loquacious.
"Duck." Tyki Mikk said as he went through the wall and walked down the hallway and out of sight.
"Duck? What's that supposed to mean?" Devitto asked, sticking a tongue out at Tyki's lack of explanation.
Suddenly, a scarlet arrow shot above Devitto's head and Devitto fell out of bed. Six more flaming candles shot after the teenager, each sticking in the wall and in the floor, not an inch from where a limb had been seconds earlier.
Devitto scurried across the floor on his belly like an abnormally big cockroach in the way of the kitchen light.
"Road, I'll kill you!" He cried as he crawled under his bed, banging his head off the metal frame of his bed in the process.
"Oh really?" Road asked as she threw her last candle at the bed and stubbornly left the room singing of how much his skin would cost on the black market. Jasdero slipped into the room and helped his brother away from the flaming bed sheets.
"Sorry 'bout that, she said that she'd just wake you up, Hee!"
"Are you sure she said awake and not murder?"
"Well she did use the word slaughter but I thought that meant she was going to make me a hamburger."
"Yeah a hamburger made out of me,"
"Hee! ."
"Yeah, I don't think I'd taste too good, I haven't showered in a week."
"Well I haven't showered in a month, beat that!" Jasdero said.
"Is that a new record yet 'Dero?"
"Maybe."
"Probably not."
"I don't think so." Jasdero admitted, missing his head and scratching his antenna instead. "I gotta tell you something but I can't remember what it is…"
"The Earl wants you down here, right now! Do you want me to send some more candles up there?" Road asked from downstairs.
"That's it." Jasdero smiled, "Tyki told me last night when he was watching you. Hee!"
"Stupid Tyki." Devitto muttered as he attempted to pull one of Road's candles out of the wall.
"Ow."
"Yeah, do you want that candle in your head, heart, or stomach?" Road screamed again from downstairs.
"How about in your own black heart you stupid loquacious-" Devitto answered.
"What did you just call me?" Road asked, suddenly showing up in the doorway.
"Loquacious."