Dead Girl Walking
*An: I have been re watching degrassi, and was sad that there were not only not enough semma moments to satisfy my needs,but that there are so few fanfics as well. So I decided that I would just have to create some on my own. Fair warning, this fic is gonna start off pretty dark. I feel like the way they handled the aftermath of the shooting kind of downplayed the trauma that I think it would have caused. Also, even though I am sticking pretty close to cannon as far as the events that lead up to this fic, some of my characters are going to be a little ooc. I have a general idea of where this story is going, but that being said, sometimes when writing I tend to find myself going in directions I never considered. Any comments, suggestions or concerns are welcome. I know this first chapter is pretty short, but I am going to do my best to update regularly as well as have longer chapters moving forward . I hope you enjoy the ride.*
*Present day*
I never thought that anyone could actually die from a broken heart. I mean, I have heard so many girls go on and on about how much it hurts, and I have even first hand felt that pain myself, but never would I have thought that it could actually kill you. That is, not until today. As I lie here on my bathroom floor, and a dark fog begins to cloud my vision, I swear, I can see him standing here, looking at me with those icy blue eyes.
*Six months earlier*
Sean Cameron has both, been the love of my life, and the bane of my existence, off and on since grade seven. Once upon a time, I had thought of our story as epic, but nowadays it seems more and more like a tragedy to me. I mean, sure, I am always going to love him, but I don't think I will ever be able to forget the pain he has habitually caused me either. It is crazy to think of all of the things we have been through. From snakes cancer, to him joining jays gang, and most importantly, the shooting. If I had to pick a point where my life truly started to spin out of control, that would be the beginning. Even though it has been almost six months since that horrible day, I can still feel the effects of it. Most nights, I am lucky to get more than a couple of hours of sleep before the dreams come and drag me back into reality. It was a lot worse right afterwords, and my parents were both pretty worried, but I have gotten good at hiding it from them now. In fact, I have gotten pretty good at hiding from everyone. I mean, a girl can only take so much of everyone walking around her on egg shells and looking at her like she is one gust of wind away from falling apart. What's sad, is that was, and still is, pretty close to the truth. The only difference is, now instead of wearing all of those emotions where everyone can see them, I keep them tucked away, only to feel them when I am alone, and can take off my "happy Emma " mask that I wear when I am around people. I know that I should find someone, anyone to talk to about what I am going through, but every time I have tried, it's like someone has stuck a hot iron down my throat making me unable to speak. What's worse is, the one person that i want to talk to, not only moved away, but has taken every measure to let me know that, not only does he not want to hear from me, but couldn't care less that my world is crashing down around me and that I am about to give up and let the current pull me under. Right after the shooting, after we drove Sean to Wasaga, for him to see his parents, I started emailing him when I was having those bad days that I wasn't sure I was going to make it through. And at first he seemed genuinely supportive, but as time went on, he began to push me away, even going as far as to say that I should just be happy that he was there to save my sorry ass and move on. And I know that I have no right to be upset about it. I know that we weren't even dating when it happened and that he was probably having just a hard a time about it as I was, but that small piece of me that never truly let go of him wanted nothing more than to cling to him for dear life. He is the only person who really knew what I was going through. The only person who I think can help me through it, and I am the only person that he never wants to see or hear from again. Sometimes I wonder why he even bothered to save me. But honestly, I don't think that he did. I am a dead girl walking, and no one here even seems to notice.