Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Twilight.
A/N: This story is from Sam's perspective. I have read a lot of stories where Sam comes out looking like a total jerk. I feel horrible for Leah and think she was one of the most tragic characters in the series; however I have never believed Sam was a complete ass. I do believe he loved Leah. This story contains swearing. I couldn't find a way to write it and make it true to the story without including it.
Changing Destiny
It happened one afternoon in the early spring. I was feeling fine and then suddenly I felt really warm and irritable. I thought it was just because Leah and I had argued about which movie to watch. It was a stupid argument and there was no reason for me to feel angry. Yet here I was practically shaking with rage. I must be getting sick.
As I was walking home I tried to calm down the overwhelming rage that was clouding my thoughts and vision. I had no idea what my problem was, but I felt absolutely livid. I wasn't looking where I was going and I stepped in a puddle, for some reason this broke me. My whole body began to tremble and then I just exploded. It was the weirdest sensation in the world, it was as if the heat of my anger burned through me and then at its peak my muscles contracted into a new being. I was down on all fours and when I lifted my hand I saw that I had a paw. I released a string of profanities and in complete fear ran into the woods thinking I had lost my mind. What had the hell had triggered it? I was a total nutcase.
Days passed as I laid on the forest floor trying to understand what the hell had happened to me. I thought about Leah. We were supposed to be going to Port Angeles today. She was going to kill me if I ever saw her again. Suddenly I felt like I had to see her. I'd watch from a distance. Seeing her would help me feel human again.
I ran through the woods, surprised at my ability to find my way home without even thinking. I could see her on the porch, the phone in her hand. She dialled a number and I listened to her ask my mother if she'd heard anything. Guilt washed through me. I couldn't imagine what my mother must be going through. Leah looked absolutely terrified as she dialled another number on her quest to track me down. I yearned to go to her, to hold her and kiss away the look that flashed in her eyes. I hated to see Leah vulnerable as she so rarely showed it. She was so feisty and independent. She'd kick my ass for wanting to comfort her. That's what I loved about her. She always kept me on my toes. I tried desperately to change back to my human form and wondered if that was even possible. Maybe this new body was permanent. That would be just my luck.
I ran off when watching Leah started to make me feel sick. I couldn't stand to see her in any pain. I ran until I felt exhausted and then curled up in a ball and tried to sleep again. That was when I caught the scent, a horrible overpowering, sweet scent that made my nose burn and my head pound. What creature could smell so atrocious? I peered my head through the brush and saw two of the Cullen's meandering in the woods. So the elders weren't just being paranoid, there was more to the Cullen's. A warning went off in my head, telling me to kill them. That was ridiculous. Could they really be vampires? How could vampires really exist? Then again how the hell could I turn into a wolf?
"There is something out there," the blonde male said, as he pushed the small brunette behind him. Oh shit. I started running away from them, but where the hell was I going to go?
More days passed and I was sick of waiting. I had to do something. If the elders knew about the vampires, then they must know about this. I started running back to town, suddenly feeling hope for the first time in over a week.
As soon as I reached the outskirts I slowed down my pace and carefully crept around to the edge of Billy's property. I don't know why I chose him; I guess because he was the elder that scared me the least. Old Quil could be mighty mean, and Harry was Leah's father. Something told me I didn't want to go there.
I snuck across the property and peered my head into the window. There was no movement inside and I was about to accept defeat when I heard the sound of a door open. Billy wheeled himself out into the sitting area and I nudged my nose against the glass. He looked up and into my eyes and then I saw relief wash across his face.
He wheeled to the door. "Sam?" he called tentatively.
I padded over and sat down in front of him, waiting for the explanation he was sure to give. "I can't believe this is happening again. Come inside and I'll call the other elders. Then we'll explain what is going on." Thank God.
I waited with Billy until the others arrived. Harry looked pained to see me and I wondered if it was because his daughter would be so upset. Old Quil looked at me with a smile. "Okay Sam, has Billy told you anything?" he asked.
I shook my big wolf head and waited. "You're a werewolf. You transform to kill vampires." I don't care why, I just want to transform back. "The Cullen's likely set this in motion by being so nearby."
"Do you still feel angry?" Billy asked. I shook my head. I wasn't angry, I just felt lost.
"In order to transform back you must will it to happen." What the hell did that mean? "You stay calm, breathe and think about something positive. It will transform you back." I took a deep breath, and then willed a memory of Leah into my mind. I remembered the last time we'd fooled around; it was probably a good thing I wasn't human so her father wouldn't see the grin that broke out across my face.
Suddenly I felt the heat start to build and I felt the explosion as my muscles contracted again and I was up on two feet, buck naked. This just kept getting better.
Billy handed me some of Jacob's clothes and I slipped into them. "Tell me I can stop that from happening again."
"You can control it with time. Right now you're dangerous as it could happen at anytime. It happens when you're angry."
"Yes, but if I know not to get angry then it won't happen again."
"You can't control that yet. Any little thing could set you off, and if someone was too close then they could get hurt."
"What about Leah?" I asked, my eyes flashing to her father's.
"It's too dangerous Sam. She can't know," he said shaking his head.
"I'll be careful. I won't hurt her," I promised the elder, my voice betraying me in fear.
"You could be a danger to her." The very thought killed me. We never kept secrets from each other. Any time I'd tried she'd kicked my ass. I couldn't hurt her. I would never hurt her. I loved her.
"How long is this going to last?"
"We'll monitor you. Once we're certain you have control of this then you can start seeing people again."
"What am I supposed to do? Hide out all of the time? If I go missing for too long my mother is going to have a panic attack. Leah is going to murder me."
"It's for the best Sam. It's for the safety of everyone. You can stay with me for now," Old Quil offered. "I'll hide you. We'll make up a reason for your disappearance."
"I don't like this," I argued. "This is the Cullen's fault. It's their fault I'm some kind of freak."
"You're just the first Sam. It will happen to others."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I demanded.
"We need you to help them. Once they transform you will be able to share your thoughts with them in wolf form. They need you."
"What about what I need? What my mother needs? Or Leah?"
"I'll take care of Leah," Harry replied. I bit back a snide comment. It wasn't as if Leah needed caring for, but as much as she tried to hide it I knew it would break her heart if I disappeared permanently.
"How long will this take? If I kill the Cullen's will it go away?"
"The Cullen's haven't broken the treaty. Therefore we can't either. Besides you alone could not take down the entire coven."
I finally accepted defeat. I was trapped. My life was falling apart. I followed old Quil out to his truck and drove home with him, grumbling the whole way. He didn't say much to me as I followed him inside his old cabin. I crawled onto the lumpy mattress he called a spare bed and drifted off to sleep; it was the first time I'd gotten a good nights rest in days.
More days passed like this, me being hidden from society. I hadn't phased again. This was promising. I decided I had control of myself and waited until Old Quil was taking a nap before slipping out the front door and jogging to the Clearwater's place. Harry would be fishing with Charlie which gave me plenty of opportunity.
I approached the front door at the same time Leah stepped out onto the porch. Her eyes met mine and turned fierce. Oh shit, she was pissed. She was going to hand my ass back to me. "SAM ULEY, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?" she shouted. I cowered back from her anger, reminding myself no matter what I could not get angry.
"I'm sorry Leah. I got lost."
"You didn't get lost Sam. You know the woods better than anyone."
Lie Idiot. Lie like you've never lied before. "I did something stupid."
"No shit," she spat. "What did you do?"
"I… I took some drugs." Yeah, like she's going to buy that. She looked at me like I grew a second head. Had I?
"You don't do drugs Sam."
"I tried some drugs at Jared's party."
"You went to a party at Jared's and you didn't invite me?" she asked, knowing full well I would never do that.
"It wasn't really a party. He invited me over; wanted to show me some stuff he'd stolen from his cousin in the city. I tried it. It totally screwed me up and I found myself naked on the forest floor with no idea how I got there at first. I'm still very sketchy on the details."
She glared at me. "It took two weeks to come down from that high? You couldn't call me, or your mother?" I took a step towards her. I needed her to understand. I hated lying to her.
"I was really messed up. I just got back now. I came straight here. You were the first place I went. I just needed to be with you LeeLee." My pet name for her momentarily caused her eyes to flash with vulnerability. I knew she'd worried about me.
"Promise me that you'll never do something like that to me again." Oh Shit. If I made this promise I would be lying to her because I didn't know what promises I could make.
"I'm sorry. Please, don't be mad at me." I took another step closer, so that our bodies were almost touching. I was afraid to touch her. What if I did hurt her? What if I infected her with whatever the hell was wrong with me? "I missed you," I whispered.
She didn't repeat the words back as her mouth met mine. For the second that she kissed me I was able to forget my problems. Then she pulled back. "Sam you're burning up. You have a fever."
"It's nothing serious," I lied. As if she'd believe that.
"You disappear for two weeks and come back with a fever and expect me to buy that it is nothing serious. What's going on Sam? Are you sick?"
I desperately wanted to say yes. "It's probably just a reaction to the drugs. I'll be fine." I wish I'd never said that. I wish I had stayed away.
"I think you should see a doctor Sam. You are too hot."
"I'll be fine. I promise." Yet another lie. I just couldn't help myself. "I need to be with you. Only you."
She looked me in the eyes and I saw the battle waging in her head. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked. I nodded. "All right. Want to go hiking?" I knew what she meant by hiking. We would take a blanket and some fruit and lie out on one of the cliffs fooling around. I nodded my head and she ran inside. That was when the fear consumed me. Could I have sex with her? What if I killed her? What if that made me lose control? I couldn't do this.
I listened to her fighting with Seth inside. "What are you doing Leah? He's been missing for two weeks and you are going to act like nothing happened?"
"I don't expect you to understand Seth. He told me where he was. It's an adult thing."
"I'm not a kid anymore," he growled. "Leah, don't go. Please stay here. I'll tell Mom and Dad."
"Go ahead. I'm allowed to see my boyfriend," she spat, before stepping outside.
"Would you rather see a movie instead?" I asked, suddenly feeling like being alone in the woods was stupid and dangerous.
"No I want to be alone with you," she said, as she handed me the blanket in her arms and slung the bag of food over her shoulder. Then she took my hand. I could feel in the way she held me that I had absolutely terrified her. Her hand clutched mine and her body leaned into me. I mentally kicked myself for ever making her feel that way. I knew I could never hurt her.
We walked out to our usual spot and rolled out the blanket, before lying together underneath the barely sunny sky. It had just begun to warm up, but even though the ground was still wet, we didn't care. I laid on my back, while Leah rolled onto her side and rested her head on my chest. "I'm sorry," I whispered again, and when she looked up at me her eyes were smoky. She suddenly leaned toward me and kissed me again, her leg coming around to straddle me. I didn't even stop to think as I kissed her back, bringing my one hand down to her waist, while my other hand slid into her hair. God I'd missed this.
Hours later, when we returned to her house I noticed my mother's car in the driveway. So Seth had ratted us out. I shouldn't have been surprised. Leah took my hand and led me inside. "Sam Uley, where have you been?" my mother demanded. As she yelled at me, I suddenly felt overcome with anger again, as I was sick of everyone telling me what I could and could not do. My hands were trembling and I pulled free from Leah as I stormed outside. "Sam get back here."
"I'll go after him," Harry said.
"I'll go," Leah offered.
"NO, stay here," Harry commanded his daughter. Like she'd listen to that. I started jogging to get away from the anger that was flooding through me. It was too late and I heard the clothes rip as I phased yet again.
This time it only took me an hour to calm down and phase back. I made my way to old Quil's where Harry was waiting for me. "You didn't listen to us Sam," he said as I walked up the wooden steps of the porch.
"I couldn't stay away from her."
"You're putting her in danger."
"I would never hurt her."
"You can't know that Sam. You just started phasing and you weren't able to control yourself to stand and talk to your mother."
"I was able to get away from her."
"That's because you weren't that angry."
"I was angry," I argued, although deep down I knew he was right. It would only take something to really piss me off and I would lose it right there.
"Sam you need to keep your distance from her, and practice staying calm. You can't be around her right now."
I frowned and looked up at Harry. He was looking at me sadly. It wasn't as if he didn't know this would hurt his daughter. "I can't make any promises. Your daughter isn't going to stay away from me and you know it."
"You need to stay away from her."
"Are you asking me to break her heart?" I asked, looking him directly in the eyes.
"I am asking you to keep her safe. There are worse things than a broken heart."
"Why can't I just tell her? If she knew she would understand."
"We must protect our secrets. You can't tell her. She can't know this world exists."
"You've told her the legends. She knows the stories of the cold ones as well as I do."
"Yes but she doesn't believe them, just like you didn't."
"I don't want to hurt her."
"Then keep your distance and you won't." I sighed. This was going to kill me. I didn't know how this could possibly work. Leah was not one to be ignored and I didn't want to ignore her. With everything else falling apart in my life the last thing I wanted was to lose her. Although, what if Harry was right? What if I hurt her? I would never forgive myself.
"I'll do my best," I promised. Then I slipped inside and went back to bed. I didn't want to deal with the hell my life had become.
The next morning I tried to decide what to do about Leah. I knew I couldn't just walk away from her. I had to form a plan. Old Quil watched me from his spot at the breakfast table. "No sneaking out on me today boy," he said, as he scooped some oatmeal into his mouth. He had to sleep eventually.
"Didn't your grandfather ever tell his wife?" I demanded, as I sat down across from him.
"That was different. My grandfather had imprinted."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"Respect your elders boy," he shot coldly. "The only time you can reveal our secret is when you are with the one you're destined to be with."
"I am destined to be with Leah."
"You didn't imprint on her."
"What is imprinting?"
"You'll know if it ever happens to you. Your whole world will shift."
I thought about my relationship with Leah. I thought it was solid. Sure we could fight like cats and dogs but we always made up for it, and we had a hell of a time making up for it. I loved her. I knew I loved her, because every time I saw her she still gave me that heady rush of feeling. Had my world not shifted? I didn't know the answer to that because I didn't know what the old man was talking about.
"Can I go see my mother?" I asked.
"No."
"She saw me yesterday. She's going to worry."
"We told her we were straightening you out. She knows you're here."
"What did you tell her?" I demanded.
"That you were a bit confused and we were helping you sort through some issues." I felt the rage overtaking me again and excused myself to phase outside. I still had perfect control, or so I thought at the time.
I ran until I felt calm enough to phase back. Then I walked along the beach and sat down staring out over the water. "What the hell are you doing out here?" Leah asked, as she walked through the sand to sit beside me. "I've been waiting to see you all day. You have to give me some answers Sam."
"I told you what happened."
"You're not even staying with your Mom. My Dad told me to stay away from you. Tell me the truth Sam."
"I am sick Leah. I don't know what is going on with me. I'm confused and I just need to figure things out."
"What are you sick with? Are you dying?"
"No, I don't think so. I'm just angry all of the time. I feel like I am suffering from something. I'm safer at Old Quil's."
"I can help you. I'll be here for you. I love you Sam."
"I know and that's why you need to give me space." I saw the pain my words caused. She closed her eyes to control her emotions before responding.
"Why do you need space? Are you trying to break up with me?"
"No Leah. I just need to figure out what is going on in my head. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't hurt me. I know you would never hurt me. Sam let me be here for you. I'll give you the space you need, but come to me. I know you better than anyone else in town. I know how to help you."
I couldn't stop myself from reaching my arm out and sliding it around her shoulders. She leaned into me and I kissed her hair. I couldn't stay away from her. I wasn't capable of it.
We sat in silence for a while. This is exactly what I needed. Moments like this could quell any anger I had burning inside.
As the sun started to set I helped Leah up and walked her home. Harry glared at me from the front window. I didn't care.
The days passed like this with me trying to get control of my anger and spending as much time as possible just being with Leah. She didn't put any pressure on me to do anything. She just sat with me while I tried to figure out what the hell was going on in my head.
One day she finally asked me a question she'd been waiting to ask. "Are you up to meeting my cousin Emily? She's coming for the weekend."
I nodded. Of course I would meet her cousin. Although I imagined Harry wouldn't like it. "This is the cousin you always talk about? The one you went to visit in the city back in January?"
She nodded and I told her I'd be happy to get to know her; anything to make her smile. I kissed her then and she pushed me back onto the bed, before straddling me. "Thank you Sam," she whispered, before reaching her hands down to the hem of my jeans.
That Friday Emily arrived. The elder's had long since stopped trying to keep me hidden, but I was still staying at Old Quil's. I got ready quickly, hoping I could spend a few minutes alone with Leah before her cousin arrived.
I got my wish. Harry wasn't even home as he'd gone to pick up Emily from the train station. Leah and I spent an hour just being together, before Emily and Harry arrived home.
As soon as Emily stepped down from the cab of the truck and our eyes met I had to gasp for breath. Everything about my world shifted, and the only thing that mattered to me was making this woman happy. I let go of Leah's hand and stepped toward Emily, trying desperately to think of what to say. I barely registered Leah's voice as she introduced us. "I'm… Sam," I sputtered. She smiled gracefully and I loved the way it lit up her face. God she was gorgeous.
"Emily," she replied, reaching her hand out to mine. I took it gently. I noted how it fit perfectly with mine, how I never wanted to let it go.
"Let's go inside, shall we?" Harry suggested.
"I have to go," I said suddenly. I took a step back from Emily and started to walk away. It caused me pain to leave her behind.
"Sam?" Leah yelled after me. I heard her start to follow me so I quickened my pace. I was screwed. I practically jogged back to Old Quil's and once inside I began to panic. What the hell had happened to me? I was with Leah, but I was in love with her cousin. Oh Fuck.
"What's the matter son?" Old Quil asked, muting his game show.
"Something horrible happened."
"Is someone hurt?"
"No. I think I imprinted."
"On who?"
"Emily. Leah's cousin."
"Oh." He looked sympathetic as he stepped into the kitchen. "Does Harry know?"
"No, I just left." Suddenly the phone started ringing and Quil answered it.
"It's for you," he said handing it to me.
"Sam Uley, what the hell is your problem?" Leah demanded.
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't stay."
"You hurt Emily's feelings." Oh shit. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her.
"It's not her. There is something wrong with me. Leah I can't do this."
"Can't do what? Sam, tell me what the hell is going on."
"I just can't. I'm so sorry."
"What are you sorry for? Sam, tell me what is going on." Her voice broke and I felt like I had been stabbed. I didn't want to hurt her, and yet I was now in love with someone else. What the fuck was going on with my life? I couldn't take it anymore. I needed help.
"Can you put your Dad on the phone?"
"My Dad? Why do you want him? Why can't you talk to me?"
"Please Leelee…" I couldn't believe I'd just used her nickname. God I was an asshole.
She said nothing before handing her father the phone. I quickly asked Harry to come over and told him I needed help.
Once the elders had assembled they told me the legends of imprinting, and that I was free to tell Emily the truth about me. However, they cautioned me that I still didn't have total control and I needed to be careful around her. Harry stayed quiet through most of it; most likely thinking of what this would do to his daughter.
That night I laid in my bed and tried to figure out what the hell to do. I felt sick as I ran scenarios in my head. No matter what Leah was going to be hurt. I didn't know who to talk to first. I didn't know what to do first.
The next morning Emily would answer those questions. She arrived at the door before I had even gotten out of bed. Quil called me to the door and I had to catch my breath when I caught sight of her. "Why are you avoiding Leah?" she asked.
Because I'm in love with you didn't seem like the right answer. "I… I am going through something. Emily… I don't love her like I thought I did."
"So you're just going to avoid her and hope she gets the message?"
"No I'm trying to figure out how to tell her. The thing is I'm in love with someone else." She raised her eyebrows and looked at me like I was the biggest asshole in the world. She didn't know the half of it.
"Who?" she asked coldly. Oh Shit.
"You need to understand something first. The legends of our history are not untrue. I… I learned recently that there is more to the legend of the wolf than I realized."
"You believe you can change into a wolf?" she asked, her eyes now flashing with concern.
"Let me show you," I whispered. "Please let me show you."
"Are you on drugs?"
"No. If you just let me show you, then you'll understand."
She looked at me like I was insane but she lifted her hand in a gesture that told me to lead the way and followed me into the backyard. "Stay back," I commanded her. I allowed the burn to wash through me and then felt the usual explosion.
I looked up into a very pale faced young woman, who was trying very hard not to scream. Worried she might faint I quickly phased back. I forgot I would be naked as I took a step towards her. "What the hell was that?" she said, barely registering the fact I wasn't wearing any clothes.
"I told you. The legends are true."
"Have you told Leah?"
"No, I can't."
"What do you mean you can't? You told me."
"That's the other part of the legend. There is something called imprinting." She waited patiently for me to continue. "It's like finding your destiny. I can't really explain it, but your whole world shifts and all that matters is making that person happy."
"And you imprinted on someone?" I nodded. "Who?"
"You." She took a step back from me, her eyes widening in fear and shock.
"You…imprinted on me?"
"It's not something I can control."
She started to hyperventilate and I took another step towards her. "I'm sorry Emily. I didn't mean to do this."
"What about Leah? She's my best friend. I don't even know you."
"If there was any way for me to change this I would. I don't want to hurt her either, but I can't control what I feel. I fell in love with you the second I met you. You mean more to me than anything else on this Earth. If you told me to walk away from you I would, but if you don't then I will spend every moment of the rest of my life trying to make you happy."
She looked me in the eyes and I knew she wanted to tell me to walk away from her and never talk to her again, but I also saw that she couldn't bring herself to say it. "This is wrong."
"I know."
She took another step away from me. "You need to talk to Leah before we talk about this anymore. You have to be fair to her. She loves you Sam."
"I'm planning on talking to her. I just don't know what to say. I don't want to break her heart."
"Can't you just forget about me and be with her?"
"I can't do that. I love Leah, but you're my destiny. I can't go back to her knowing this. It wouldn't be fair to her."
"This isn't fair to her."
"Emily, I have to break up with her. I'll figure it out."
She looked me over then. "Put some clothes on," she commanded. "I'm going back to Leah's. You figure things out and talk to her first."
I called Leah once I got inside and asked her to meet me up on our cliff. She had asked why there, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to say anything other than: "Please Leelee, just meet me there." She had heard the pain in my voice and quickly agreed.
When I arrived there, she was wearing one of her lowest cut tops and a pair of jeans with the knees ripped out. I had remembered a time when I loved that outfit on her. It did not escape my notice that she had worn my favourite outfit. "What's going on Sam?" she asked, taking a step towards me.
"Don't come any closer," I choked out, my hands already shaking. I had no idea if this could cause me to phase.
"What do you mean," she said, as she took another step towards me.
"Leah, don't. Just don't."
"What happened, Sam?"
"I'm so sorry," I started.
"Who?" she demanded. For a moment I thought she had figured out that I loved someone else, but then I saw the fear in her eyes. She thought someone was hurt.
"It's me. I…I found someone else."
"YOU WHAT?" she shouted. I took a step back, the pain in her voice making me recoil. "What are you talking about?" She started to fall and I jumped forward to catch her before she pushed me hard to get away from her, and demanded that I not touch her.
"How could you do this to us?" she asked, and I felt physical pain at her words. She was right I had done this to us, to her. I was the cause of the pain I could see written all over her face. I had never hated myself so much in my entire life.
"I'm sorry," I whimpered. "It just happened. Leah I am so sorry." I sounded like such a jerk; that was the exact excuse guys use after they have cheated.
"Who is the bitch?" she spat coldly.
This was the part I didn't want to answer. How could I possibly tell her that I had fallen in love with her cousin? Her best friend? She stared at me, waiting for me to reveal the person that would replace her.
"Emily," I breathed. I watched as the words slammed into her like a blunt object.
"Well that's great. Does she know?" I nodded my head in response. She turned and ran from me then and I allowed the pain to consume me. As much as I loved Emily I still felt physical pain hurting Leah, as my love for her still existed. I had vowed I would never hurt her, just the day before I had proclaimed my love to her while we had sex. Now I was leaving her for her cousin. I had never hated myself so much in my entire life. I don't know what cosmic force was screwing with me, but I was pissed. I was officially the world's biggest asshole.
Instead of trying to endure the pain, I phased and started running. I ran in the direction Leah had run and from a distance watched her cry. I yearned to go comfort her, but I couldn't. I had given up that right the second I had fallen in love with Emily.
I started running toward the Clearwater's. I phased before reaching the front step and changed quickly before running inside. Emily was sitting with Sue, Harry and Seth. I asked to speak to Harry alone and when my eyes met Emily's I felt even worse. I could see the pain in her face, knowing that she was involved in what had hurt her cousin. I couldn't bear the pain that ripped through me knowing I had caused Emily pain.
I told Harry that I had told Leah. He nodded once and told me I had to be careful. Then he called Emily out to talk to me. She looked concerned, but came to me anyway. "So what's the plan now?" she asked.
"I don't have a plan," I replied. "This has all happened so quickly."
"I don't want to hurt Leah," she said sadly. "She's going to hate me forever."
"You don't have to be with me if you don't want to. I'll understand."
She turned to look at me, and I took note of the gentle curve of her sad smile, the almond shape of her eyes, and the way they glinted with life. I saw so many differences between her and Leah that it completely surprised me that I would have loved both women. Where Leah challenged me, and fought with me and kept me on my toes, Emily wanted to comfort me, would be gentle and supportive of me.
"I know it would be the smartest choice. I know that I should turn my back on you. I know that I should tell you I never want to see you again. I know all this and yet for some reason I can't walk away from you. For some reason I believe every word you tell me."
"I'm sorry I'm doing this to you."
"It's not your fault," she whispered. "Sometimes you can't explain the things that happen."
"Really?" Leah said, as she stepped onto the porch, her eyes flashing with outrage. "You can't explain it? My best friend and my boyfriend fucking around behind my back, I'd like to hear you try and explain it."
"It's not like that," I said, as I stepped towards her.
"Oh, really? Than what's it like?"
"Leah I'm so sorry," Emily cried. The pain on her face stabbed me like a knife plunged directly into my chest.
"I want to know how this happened. Did you guys get together long ago behind my back? How long have you known each other?"
"It's not like that. Sam and I just met," Emily replied.
"Yet, he left me for you. Am I that terrible Sam that you just jump the first girl you see, the first one who shows interest?"
"It's not you…"
"Don't you dare say 'it's not you, it's me' or I will pound your ass into the ground. It is clearly me. I'm not good enough for you Sam. I wasn't a good enough lay." Her words slammed into me and I felt sick that I made her believe that she wasn't good enough. My heart was breaking, and at the same time it was so full of love for Emily. My head was throbbing and my stomach churned with nausea. I wanted to do something to make this all better and there was nothing I could do. I had fucked up everybody's lives.
"I do love you Leah. That won't change. I can't help the way I feel for Emily. It doesn't mean you weren't good enough."
"Emily's just better…" she finished.
"No. I'm so sorry."
"Leah, we didn't want to hurt you," Emily added.
"Well you two have a funny way of showing it. Not hurting me would mean you don't hook up behind my back. Fuck you both. Get the fuck off of my property and stay the fuck away," she yelled before slamming her front door in our faces.
"God what have I done," I cried, before throwing myself off the front step. I started to run towards the wood but Emily was following me.
"Sam," she called after me. I could hear her behind me. I had to escape her. If I phased now she might get hurt. I was running, as my anger at myself overtook me. I hated myself for what I had become. I had ruined my own life, I had ruined Leah's and even Emily's. Emily and Leah would never recover from this. This was all my fault. I couldn't stop the burn as it spread through me. I felt the explosion at the same time I felt Emily grab a hold of me. It was too late, before I could control my body my paw had slashed across her face. Oh God. I'd lost control and done what everyone had warned me I would do.
She screamed before falling to the ground. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to use to phase back, but I had to do something because she needed help. I started howling to get the attention of the elders and hoped to God they would hear me. Emily was totally unconscious. I nudged her with my nose to try and revive her. It did nothing.
I suddenly heard the sound of feet crunching on leaves and looked up as Harry came running towards me. He stopped dead about ten feet from me. "Sam, what the hell happened?" He dropped to his knees in front of me and then lifted Emily into his arms and started running out of the woods. I started to run after him.
"Stay here until you can phase," he said. I did as I was told, letting out a whimper of pain as I realized what I had just done to the woman I loved.
It took me over five hours to calm down enough to find the will to phase back. I dragged my naked ass out of the woods and ran to Old Quil's where I found a change of clothes. The old man was waiting for me. "Are you all right kid?" he asked.
"Of course I'm not all right. Did you see what I did to her? I disfigured her because I am a monster."
"It's not your fault. We should have protected you. We shouldn't have let you out of our sight until we knew you were safe."
"What have I done?" I cried, as I slid onto the floor and let the agony of knowing I'd hurt her rip through every sinew in my body.
"You are a young, unpredictable wolf."
"I am almost an adult. I should be able to control my own anger."
"This is different. You are not totally human."
"What am I going to do?"
"You'll need to decide that with Harry and Emily. Harry knows you didn't mean to hurt her."
"It doesn't change the fact that I did."
"Why don't you wait until the morning and then go to the hospital?"
I nodded my head and then dropped it into my hands, before rocking back and forth. I had many hours to wait before I could show up. I tried to stay away, but I had no control over myself as I stood up and walked out the door. I couldn't be away from her, not until she ordered me away.
I ran the whole way to the hospital, not caring how long it would take as long as I got there. She had been rushed to the hospital in Forks due to her condition. I ran in the front door to find Harry and Billy fighting with a doctor. "We do not want you in charge of her care." I recognized the smell immediately. They were fighting with a vampire.
"Please, I'm her best chance," the man said in a velvety voice. "I understand why you don't want me involved…"
"You stay away from her Cullen," Harry said menacingly. I stepped beside them and narrowed my eyes at the pale-faced doctor.
"Harry, what has gotten into you?" Police Chief Charlie Swan demanded, as he stepped between his friends and the doctor. "Don't be stupid. Don't let your prejudices against this family stand in the way of your niece's health."
"He is not stepping near her," Harry growled.
"Billy, you can't seriously agree with him, can you?" Charlie asked.
"Yes Charlie I can. You stay away from her," Billy told the doctor. His weird yellow eyes looked at each one of us and then he nodded.
"All right, she'll be treated by another doctor. I can't guarantee her wounds will heal as well." Then he ducked his head and walked away.
I bit back a snarl, before turning to Harry. "How is she?"
"She's stable, but she lost a lot of blood. They said her face will be scarred permanently, but that she won't lose her eye."
"I am so sorry," I whispered.
"Did you see what happened to her Sam?" Charlie asked me, as he slipped out his notepad.
"She was attacked by a bear," I said, before dropping onto a chair. I noticed that Charlie completely ignored the two other men, as he took notes. He was clearly still pissed at them for not letting Dr. Vampire treat Emily.
After I answered all of Charlie's questions and he left, we collapsed into silence, counting down the many hours until she would be allowed visitors. Sue had joined us in the night and sat with her husband, holding his hand. As soon as she was allowed visitors Harry and Sue went in first, but it wasn't long before they returned and informed me she was asking for me. I wasn't prepared for what I would see when I went inside.
Her face was heavily bandaged. There was a patch over her one eye and she looked like she was still barely alive as I stepped towards her. "Emily, I'm so sorry," I cried. "I should never have come near you. I shouldn't have been allowed near you."
Her right hand came up and touched my cheek. She tried to get the words out and I saw her stretch the part of her face that was heavily stitched. "Don't talk yet. You can scream at me later." She shook her head and I saw the pain in her eyes. "I won't stay long. Then I promise I won't come back. You won't be in danger from me anymore." Her fingernails dug into my arm and I realized that wasn't what she wanted.
"You want me to stay?" she nodded. "But why? I hurt you." She stared into my eyes and in them I saw the love I had for her reflected back. "How can you still love me after this?" she shrugged her shoulders.
I started to cry then and she brushed her hand against my cheek again before pulling me down so that I was laying beside her. She brushed her hand through my hair as I cried. "You shouldn't be comforting me." She shrugged again.
Harry knocked at the door and I looked up. "Sue has gone to get Seth and Leah." At her name I felt another twinge of guilt. I would never escape what I had done to this family. I would never forgive myself for hurting them.
"Should I leave?" I questioned the patriarch.
"No Sam. You and Emily are something she will eventually have to accept."
"I'm really sorry Harry."
"It's not your fault Sam. None of this is your fault."
I looked down at the love of my life's bandaged face, this was all my fault. I needed to be stronger. I needed to be ready to prepare the rest of tribe that would join me. I vowed then and there I would never allow any of them to do to someone they cared about what I had done to Emily. I took her right hand and pressed a kiss to it. "I don't know how you can believe this, but I love you." She caressed my face again, and I felt her wash away all my sins with her love and easy forgiveness. Beyond all the hurt, guilt and regret, I could feel happiness creeping into my heart. I knew this was where I was supposed to be, spending my life with Emily. My love for Leah would always hold a special place in my heart, but she wasn't my destiny.