Angels are harder to believe in now, for him. He doesn't know if it's possible to believe in a kind God, in angels sent to help mankind, after this. He's learned that angels are ugly and twisted; that Adam isn't what he thinks and neither is Lilith. But through a twist of fate, he's closer to being a divine being than anyone has a right to be. He doesn't want this fate, holds his head in his hands and tells himself that he doesn't deserve it.
Of course, he has a reason to think everything he thinks. When you're never loved, you never learn to love yourself or anyone else, for that matter. His father left him in his early childhood, and he isn't called one of the 'Motherless Children' for nothing. Being shunted from household to household, guardian to guardian, can wreak havoc on a boy's self esteem. And that's what he tells himself when he's depressed and filled with disgust for himself.
It's rather convenient how he can forget so easily. Because everything he believes about angels, about love, about himself, is balancing very carefully on one key deception. That he never existed, or was just a figment of his imagination. After all, if he had been loved, had been valued, all he thought would be worthless.
For a while he wrote it off as the other boy's innate angelic-ness. He chalked it up to some sort of Heavenly magnetism that drew them to one another. But as the gap between then and now grew it dawned on him that everything was genuine. Everything that he had been told by the other was true 'human' emotion. After all, love is only love, angel or not.
. So he discovered he was loved. He realized that he wasn't a worthless heap of misery, and that angels might be as good as the old books made them out to be Faced with such a drastic upset to his mental state, he did what humans do in such situations. He did what any one of us would do if we were he and looking at such a change to ourselves, at what may be considered the deadliest sin.
He forgot. He wiped the other, the angel, from his memory. When that topic arises in conversation, if it ever does, he simply declines to speak. Those who know him never bring it up around him, and he rarely speaks to those outside his circle. He knows that when he's not looking they shoot each other glances that speak volumes about him and his condition. But he doesn't do anything about it. He won't, either, if he wants to stay sane.
Besides, he's sure Kaworu-kun would understand.
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Syra: Heh...this is just a little drabble to tide everyone over until I actually write the next chapter of Safety. I plan on having it done this weekened hopefully...but that's a stretch. It's test/paper week this week, it seems. I failed my Physics test today, so baaaaad stuff awaits, I fear. TT.TT
Anyway, enough of me. Review, please?