FUBAR (FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION)

CHAPTER 1: FUCKED UP (IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY)

AUTHORS NOTES

This is a Mass Effect FemShep/Liara pairing. Takes place after Feros, but before Virmire and Noveria.

'This' means someone is thinking.

Italics alone means the name of something, i.e. Mass Effect Core.

Horizontal ruler (a line across the page) means a page break or timeskip, it may be a few minutes, it may be a few hours...

-X- means a scene change.

Disclaimer; I do not own Mass Effect or any of the characters or ideas involved. This is non profit-I am making no money from this.

2173; STEALTH FRIGATE SSV NORMANDY, 0327 HOURS, CITADEL SPACE, EXACT LOCATION CLASSIFIED

Commander Taisiya Shepard sat in the captain's quarters of the Normandy wondering what the hell she was doing.

For once she wasn't worrying about the state of the art warship she commanded or the lives that depended on her, or the rogue Spectre turned warlord she was tasked with hunting down, it wasn't even the fact that the whole damn Galaxy was watching her every move as the first human Spectre waiting for her to fuck something up.

Her mind was on one Dr Liara T'Soni. Since meeting the astonishing young woman (or whatever the designation was for a monogender species) Shepard had felt a disturbingly out of character loss of emotional control around her; feeling the need to keep her on the ship, sticking her neck out arguing the fact before the rage-inducing Citadel Council. She surprised even herself when later she found herself defending the asari maiden when members of the crew openly regarded her with suspicion for being the daughter of an enemy. The usually antisocial human woman went even further out of her comfort zone drawing Liara out and asking about her culture, her life, even her feelings.

Realizing she was attracted to the undeniably hot asari the human woman had remembered she had never been big on romance, her sex life consisted of using prostitutes (both male and female) to satisfy her eccentric and often violent cravings.

'Cravings... I get turned on by BDSM, S&M and other freaky shit. Liara doesn't want or need that...'

Taisiya Shepard was a sadist; a woman who honestly derived great pleasure in the physical pain, emotional anguish and humiliation of others.

She never got involved with fellow officers but had spent no small amount of money on hookers for her often vicious use.

Afraid of hurting Liara, Shepard had tried to make the stunning young... individual see that a relationship with her was a bad idea.

First she listed the world of differences between them;

"So, I, Taisiya Shepard was born in a slum, in a God-forsaken cesspool called San Angeles. My parents were a pair of two-bit criminals. My mother was a bank robber and professional car thief, dad was a petty goon who broke legs for mob bosses. They both died from radiation exposure due to our craphole apartment being not a hundred metres from the piece of shit boundary wall separating the city from the radioactive wasteland much of Earth had become after the Third World War (long story there). I spent my childhood first picking pockets, then jacking cars and robbing houses, then fighting in gang wars for poisonous streets ignored by wealthy elite fuckers. At eighteen I was arrested and given a choice; serve the Systems Alliance as a soldier for at least eight years or go to prison on a multitude of crimes." She paused and Liara took that as an opportunity to step in;

"But you have used your life since then to help people, you save lives at the risk of your own. And you continued to serve even after your agreed upon time was served."

"Yeah. And I could feel good about myself... up until Torfan..."

Liara had seen and felt Torfan during their meld to stabilize her visions from the Prothean beacon. She had sensed her pain and loss and guilt over the tragedy.

"My commanding officer freaked out, so I punched him out and took command... and got most of my men killed. And afterwards when my guys were considering mutiny so they could string those slaver bastards up, I saved them the trouble by executing the cocksuckers on their knees. I still don't know how I dodged being court martialed for that one."

Liara watched in concern, not judgement. She had read extranet 'journalism' regarding Commander Shepard's exploits. They were more inaccurate than the urban myths describing asari as mystical warriors killing and whoring (often simultaneously) across the galaxy, describing Shepard as a crazed butcher who reported to no one and shot people for looking at her the wrong way. Liara instead considered Shepard one of the most selfless and caring people she had ever met, regardless of what her foul language and antisocial demeanour would have you believe.

"By contrast you come from one of the wealthiest and most respected families from the almost utopian world of Thessia, you graduated at the top of your class from the Galaxy renowned University of Serrice..."

Liara frowned as she noticed that the human woman sounded proud of her- more proud than her mother ever had at least.

"...Since then you've done nothing but willingly contribute to society; in fifty years you've wrote four books, thirty-two papers, been involved in ten major expeditions and recovered six hundred nineteen artefacts from eight extinct races. Fuck! Even now you're willing to risk your life and fight your own mother for the greater good of others."

Liara wasn't shaken by her argument.

"... Thank you... but... you're wrong about me. My life up until this point has been a failure; the books and papers you speak of weren't read by anyone, my expeditions and theories were mocked by the general scientific community..." Her melodious voice filled with despair. "...my attempts at acquiring teaching positions and research jobs with respected institutions have been dismissed... I haven't had a serious relationship with anyone since I was a University student decades ago. I haven't accomplished a fraction of what you have despite being more than three times your age."

Disturbed by the despondent response, Shepard stepped in with conviction.

"You're not a failure. And as far as relationships go, I'm the supreme fuck up here. I get turned on by S&M- I make people my bitches. I slap them, beat them, spit on them, make them lick my boots..."

She went on like that for a good five minutes; beginning with light smacking and bondage and ending with violent humiliation and degradation.

To her astonishment Liara looked nervous then excited then highly aroused.

"M-my people believe that the sharing of thoughts... memories, emotions... s-souls... is true intimacy... the body is just a vessel, or a tool for pleasure. I-in fact, many asari have had surgery to line their... birth canals with sensitive nervous tissue cloned from the erogenous zones along their spine... so they can enjoy... er... penetrative sex..."

The blue skinned woman was breathing hard and clearly deeply embarrassed talking about this.

"...A connection for asari means bonding between two living consenting people. Not the... absurd, unfair and often cruel binding relationships humans and certain other races officially endorse."

She then proceeded to describe to the increasingly aroused and disturbed Shepard the asari philosophy of sexuality; involving a stimulation of pressure points and erogenous tissue leading to a joining of nervous systems and a connection between two beings unlike any other known form of life.

Shepard was about to call the asari a race of whores but felt her heart weaken as she thought of Liara crying at the insult.

Before things could escalate (or deteriorate) the comm system rang out;

"Bridge to Commander Sheppard, we have the Citadel Council on the line for you." Shepard had never been so relieved to hear Joker's annoying voice in her life.

"I'll take it in the comm. Room."

She turned off the comm.

"Can we talk later?" She asked Liara.

"All right... later." She left the room and Shepard summoned all her superhuman will to avoid staring at Liara's extraordinary ass as the extraordinary archaeologist it was attached to departed with regal grace.

'Thank fuck, this conversation could only end in me saying or doing something even more embarrassing or disturbing to Liara...'

She left her quarters a minute later desperately wanting a drink but knowing it was a bad idea to get shit-faced a minute before talking to three people she really wanted to shoot.

'I swear to God if Sparatus does that finger air quote thing again I'm gonna...'

END CHAPTER 1

AUTHORS NOTES

Yes, Shepard in this story is bisexual and does use hookers and rent boys (in her mind screwing other soldiers is 'unprofessional').

The supporting timeline in this fic has differences from canon, the main one being Earth being a radioactive cesspool.

San Angeles; original creation, a megalopolis formed by the merging of Los Angeles and San Diego after much of LA had been blown to pieces during World War Three. A reference to the movie Demolition Man.

World War Three; (Original Creation for this fic) A conflict that raged in the mid 21st century with nuclear weapons being deployed killing over two billion people and ravaging the planet. it annoyed me that Mass Effect history was so blank and uneventful from our present to the mid 22nd century. It makes the concept of the Alliance implausible (in Star Trek humanity only became 'Peaceful and benevolent' after thousands of years of pointless war, slavery and general stupidity leading to the planet being ravaged by nuclear war. I view Starfleet as humanity being like an alcoholic who cleans up his act after he has royally destroyed his life).