Disclaimer: I do not own ANYONE from Mass Effect...just doing my thang, typing random nonsensical to my favorite shooting game.

I'm fairly new in typing any type of 'game' fanfiction, so I tried my best to even keep this short piece interesting and...in character? Haha, it's probably off...really off. Should I call this crack? I don't know...
Have fun reading drunk Shepard and a fairly short, non-elaborate piece about a drunk and his bro-ho (hah). By the way, my Shepard would always have Kaidan in the squad...so xD...and if you want a visual for my Shepard, it's the default one. John Shepard FTW~! Enough noob talking!

Commander Shepard, authoritative figure for the intergalactic universe, stern and respectful. He was a hero and the first human Spectre to rise and to serve under the Council. He was a perfect soldier, but he wasn't perfect in everything.

He was like any other human being, he possessed a couple of flaws. He wasn't the best at conveying emotions, he was a heavy drinker and a horrible party beast...literally. He couldn't even dance to save his own life, that's why he held a gun with both of his hands. But after traveling back and forth in between foreign planets on the grand prototype Normandy and going on missions, he needed time to relieve some stress.

The Citadel was the perfect place to settle on temporarily and slip some drinks into his system.

He wasn't planning on doing this alone though; he brought his right hand man, Lieutenant Kaidan. The dark haired man had been with Shepard through thick and thin for the longest amount of time. He would've taken Joker along too, but the man was a cripple, how unfortunate.

"Commander, may I ask you a question?" The lieutenant asked awkwardly toward his superior.

"Yes Kaidan?" He gulped down a strong alcoholic beverage, ignoring the hazy music dancing around them.

"Why are we…here in the Flux and so late at night?" Kaidan looked around and tried to focus on the abstract moving scenery around them instead of on his commander who was gulping down yet another drink. His commander was turning a bit flushed.

"Lieutenant…I thought…it woulda been…nice to blow…off some steamish. Just da two of…ush. Gethsh shish…no ash tush to-" Shepard was definitely drunk. Kaidan looked at the piled up shot glasses and then at the turian bartender who just chuckled and continued on pouring in the drinks.

"I'm honored sir, but we should really get you back to the Normandy…or somewhere to cool down." Kaidan suggested.

"At least…have a drink!" Shepard shoved a shot glass towards Kaidan and the lieutenant reluctantly took the glass holding the green liquid. "Cheersh! To Saresh future deash!" The commander toasted to his lieutenant and Kaidan watched his commander chuck another glass down before chucking his off the side. Kaidan couldn't withstand the effects of alcohol and he couldn't afford to have hangovers added onto his occasional migraines due to his implanted L2.

Apparently, someone who was passing by slipped on the liquid and fell on their ass in a not-so graceful way. But Kaidan was too focused on the intoxicated commander to care.

"May we go now sir?" Kaidan reached for Shepard's arm and the commander shot his lieutenant a slurred look like he was ready to punch him in his face if he moved him even an inch. But the threatening look was too drowned from the effects of the alcohol to be taken seriously. Shepard's cheeks were red like the bums of the Japanese Macaques and Kaidan marveled at the sight.

"I…don't wanna…pssh!" It was a rare sight to see the commander act like this, so immature and…what else? Drunk? That's like stating the obvious.

Convincing the commander to back was going to take some lying...

"Sir, perhaps we can go dance? I see some of those pretty attractive asaris are waiting to blow your mind." Kaidan lied and somehow this drew the commander's lighter side.

"Yeah!" Shepard suddenly drawled out. He leaned himself on Kaidan. The lieutenant sighed and hauled away Shepard from the bar and slowly supported his commander out to the elevator. The bouncer's gaze followed them out because Shepard was mumbling some incoherent nonsense; Kaidan blew out a breath of air.

He was relieved.

Hopefully the drunken commander wouldn't have his image ruined.

The strong scent of alcohol just churned Kaidan's nostrils. But the body warmth of the close commander was quite…comfortable, like hugging a teddy bear that had a heating system installed somewhere inside.

Luckily for Kaidan, the commander wasn't wearing his armor, so he was a bit lighter. It took quite some time for Kaidan to get the commander back to the Normandy and back to his room.

Kaidan gently placed the still intoxicated commander on his bed. His own body was slightly sore and automatically he collapsed on the bed. He did not crush the knocked out commander, instead slept beside him. His eyelids were slowly crushed by the exhaustion force. He just hoped that the commander would not murder him for sleeping on the same bed as him. He was simply too tired to retreat to his own haven to rest.

Just as both men have drowned themselves into the dream world, Ashley stepped in because she was curious as to why only the commander and Kaidan went out. The sight of the two men held a thousand meanings, and Ashley gasped.

She was completely speechless and slightly paralyzed, but she stepped out slowly before she could stay in the room for too long.

"Oh, shit!" Ashley cursed and looked around to check if anyone was around, she felt like she just saw something naughty.

Why was the commander's hand under Kaidan's shirt?

Haha, I included some slashiness in the end xD didn't I? Random and pointless, hehe...I'm going to go back and play some more ME. :)