Kate

Have you ever experienced being constantly unable to sleep?

Have you ever felt as though you were really sleepy with the growing urge to fall asleep but find yourself unable to?

Instead, you find yourself staring at the ceiling unable to sleep no matter how hard you try.

That's just what I had been experiencing for the past week after Humphrey's and I were married counting tonight.

I groaned.

I tossed.

I turned.

No matter how hard I try for hours I find my eyes snapping open for no apparent reason in spite of all attempts.

Defeated, I gave up all attempts of sleeping and proceeded to stare at the ceiling of our den once more for the seventh night in a sleepless week.

What was it that kept me from going to sleep?

My mother Eve had explained this once to me when I consulted her the day before.

Wolves were inherently watchful creatures.

If there wasn't an enemy wolf raiding our cache of food it was a coyote trying to steal our kill every other day.

It was hardcoded into us alphas to worry about such things.

So was it an alpha's genetically coded instinct of fear that kept me awake?

Was it the fear of other packs hunting in our newly expanded territory and stealing our food?

No, I know that wasn't it.

With both the Eastern and Western packs together there are many more eyes looking out for any such raid than ever before.

If anything I felt safer.

So what was it then that that kept me awake?

Well, I never really tried to determine what it was so what better time to start then now.

If I were to say at first instance what it was I would say that it was a feeling or rather a burden in my heart; a "stone" in my heart.

The "stone" feeling came when I was unfocused and weary.

It was always there and only ever went away when I distracted myself with my alpha duties.

Lately, though due to lack of sleep I have been both of those things and the "stone" feeling has returned with a vengeance.

It left me feeling both lethargic and down.

I guess my mother Eve must have noticed my exhaustion and sent me back for an early evening rest.

Which is why I am resting along with Humphrey in our den so early in this fine evening weather.

Yet, I still find myself unable to get a good night rest.

So why did I have this "stone" in my heart?

Well, to be honest I really don't know, thinking about the feeling only seemed to aggravate it.

So, I let my mind wander thinking back of the most significant events in my life most being in the past two weeks.

My wandering mind brought me to the memory of when I first heard of my betrothal to Garth by my parents.

My pack but mostly my parents had coerced me into marrying Garth whom was an Eastern Pack alpha.

They certainly had good intentions as the marriage would unite our pack the Western pack with the Eastern.

However, they had neither consulted me nor gave me a choice and instead made the decision for me and forcing me to wed Garth.

For heaven's sake he was someone I had only just met!

I had every right to be angry, furious even over what my pack but mostly my family wanted me to do.

So, was it pent up anger?

Did I still feel angry at my family for what they did?

No, they were my parents and whatever anger I felt at them was gone a long time ago.

So what was it I felt?

I felt wearier than ever and my thoughts continued to wader to the time when I agreed to marry after returning from the ordeal in Idaho.

Everyone from both packs had placed their faith and trust in me to carry out my word and marry Garth.

In that manner, the two packs would be merged and war would be adverted.

Even if the betrothal it wasn't fair to me, everyone from both the Eastern and Western packs counted upon me to carry it out.

Instead, for reasons that I don't fully understand after giving my acceptance of the marriage I turned down at the last possible minute.

In doing so, I made the merger of the packs impossible.

The Eastern pack's food supply was just about to give out and with no peaceful option left they had to declare war and fight us.

So, even though no one seems to notice now in the wake of celebrations after Humphrey and I were married I was responsible for what happened.

At last, I knew what the "stone" was.

It was guilt.

Even though no one was seriously hurt in the short war between the Eastern and Western packs it had been a close shave.

Was marrying Humphrey worth more than the lives of my pack members, the expectations of my pack and my promise to marriage?

I so desperately wanted to confide in someone and share my trouble so I turned over to my mate, Humphrey.

I wanted to ask him if I did the right thing choosing him over everyone else.

But the topic was also sensitive and I didn't want to hurt his feelings with my questions.

Humphrey must have noticed that I was in deep thought and got up from where he lay.

"Kate what's on your mind?" Humphrey asked with his usual warm smile which brought a ray of joy to my troubled soul.

It make me want more than ever to blurt out everything I was thinking to him.

I hesitate however fear of how he would react locking my jaw and preventing me from saying anything.

Humphrey waited patiently while I stared at him for a short while to calm myself down before starting.

"I thought you were asleep" I begin trying to buy time.

"I wasn't sleeping; if you can't sleep neither can I" he replied keeping up his warm smile.

"Well that's sweet" I smiled trying to seem cheerful.

"Well actually I couldn't sleep since you were mumbling in your sleep" Humphrey answered.

"Oh what did you hear?" I asked a little worried about how much he overheard from what I said.

"I only heard about how much you love me and want a family with me" Humphrey said in a mock serious tone.

"I did not say that" I laughed feeling so much better all over again.

"So what's on your mind?" he asked again in a calm tone this was his way of being serious.

I steeled myself preparing to ask him the question that was burning in my heart.

I said his name before grasping both his paws with my own and stared deep into his sky blue eyes.

"Do you think I made the right choice in marrying you after I agreed to marry Garth?" I blurted out letting the burning questions out.

Humphrey stared back looking a little surprised.

"Wow, that's it that's all that was troubling you after a whole week of insomnia?" Humphrey said sounding surprised.

That was not how I expected Humphrey to react.

Did I even know what to expect Humphrey to react?

"Kate, you know as well as I do that you love me and I know that I will love you and protect you" he began.

"There is no law against alphas and omegas being together." Humphrey stated

"There are just two individuals very much in love you and me whom both want to be together" Humphrey continued.

"You have done nothing wrong and both packs recognise it I can't understand why you would think otherwise" He ended.

I thought about our adventure in Idaho when we were both taken less than two weeks ago by some humans.

We banded together to get home and we had some dangerous times.

Humphrey saved me and saved me when I nearly drowned in a ravine.

I in turn stood up for him when those terrible humans came with their loud and scary contraptions (shotguns).

We had gotten close together but did it mean that I should have let my feelings with Humphrey come first before my pack.

Should I?

"Humphrey you don't understand, I love you but no matter how close I feel with you I still had a duty to my pack" I blurted out.

"You mean you arranged marriage with Garth? I thought you were through with that?" Humphrey replied.

"I mean I was torn between choosing you and making my pack proud but I choose you and now… I am so confused" I said feeling very confused.

Humphrey gave me a warm hug and whispered comforting words until I could compose myself.

"Don't talk and let me tell you about me" Humphrey started

" I like to think of myself as a futurist I look at the future and view the past with that lens you are stuck in the past and stay in the past" he continued.

"Looking back I see that all of what happened in the past two weeks was for a reason" he continued

"The packs are together just the way your intended marriage with Garth would have ended up in" he carried on.

"The only difference now is that you are with yours truly whom you love and I have the most beautiful girl in the world" Humphrey ended.

I felt much better after hearing him as though the "stone" I had been feeling were lifted off my chest.

"But I still feel guilty after all my 'happiness' came at the expense of a war between the two packs I can't help but feel selfish" I spoke.

"Ah but that was in the past Kate what do you ever gain by fretting anyway?" Humphrey smiled once again in his usual omega way.

"Look, come with me let me show you something" He laughed bounding off out of our den.

I leapt up hot on his trail eager to see what he wanted to show me.

Outside, it was already getting dark and most of the now combined packs had already retired to their dens.

Everyone save Humphrey and I and in the distance a certain other alpha

-omega couple.

Lilly my omega sister and my step-brother alpha Garth were both playing some sort of game in the dark valley floor outside my den.

"Garth now what am I" Lilly asked excitedly her four legs kicking into the air.

"I have no idea" Garth replied smiling sweetly back.

"I'm a turtle that has fallen onto its back and can't get up" Lilly announced.

Garth laughed with the pure and simple joy of being with loved ones.

I stared at them, just like Humphrey and I they were another alpha and omega couple happy and enjoying themselves.

Humphrey already pulled ahead of me and started explaining what had happened between the two of us while I pondered over what I saw.

"Do you need some words of encouragement" Garth asked after Humphrey was finished explaining.

"No thanks, after seeing you two that's all the encouragement I need I will just be going back to sleep" I replied with a genuine smile something which I hadn't done in a long time.

"Well before you go I would like to say thank you for standing up for your feelings with Humphrey without you none of this would have happened" he replied.

"I would like to thank you for bringing me and Lilly together" he finished before leaving.

Garth was right if I hadn't turned down my arranged marriage Garth and I would be together and probably very unhappy.

But the two of them Garth and Lilly their love together was pure and genuine and I could only aspire my relation with Humphrey to be as close.

I returned with Humphrey to our den not another word was exchanged he knew that I knew that what I did was the right choice.

We settled down in our den Humphrey went out like a light and slumped to the floor of the den asleep.

I watched him sleep my handsome omega and was glad that I made the right choice in choosing him.

The "stone" in my heart was gone as I sank back down to sleep for my best sleep ever free of worry.

Fin