Note: It's a little like this in The blacklist. you should definitely check the show out it's sooo good!

Rain splattered on the kitchen window, it sounded hard but rain was anything but hard. Then why did it sound hard when it was soft? Skye couldn't think of an answer. Jemma had found one.

Jemma, she thought and took another shot of vodka.

If everything had turned out differently she wouldn't be in this situation now. But luck wasn't on her side, and she knew it. It was only a matter of time until it all fell apart but that it would hurt this much, she wasn't prepared for that. Even with that much alcohol in her body it still wouldn't hurt less.

The hole in her heart couldn't be filled, not with alcohol, not with sleep. Skye knew there was no way to undo what she did. There were no excuses, no lies, nothing she could do to get Jemma back.

It wasn't like she'd planned to fall for the SHIELD scientist. But she found herself loving the way the British woman got excited about science, how she made her breakfast, how she would silently watch her when she was at work.

It was supposed to be a simple Job. But in the middle of it she knew it wasn't a job anymore. She knew she needed to tell Jemma and she needed to stop this as soon as possible.

Maybe if she'd done it, it wouldn't be like this now. But she didn't and now the alcohol burning in her throat and the ache in her chest is all she feels.

3 years back

It all started as Miles said to her they needed her to get information out of a scientist.

They had observed Jemma Simmons for a while now, but couldn't get any information. And since Skye is the most charming and attractive on the team of Rising Tide she should get herself introduced with Jemma Simmons and try to find out more about her work.

And so she did. A simple job. Getting information out of a woman.

They had „randomly" met at a bar. And so it started. They went on dates and Jemma started talking. Telling about her work as a biochemist, nothing useful though. And Skye talked too, but little did Jemma know that nothing of it was true. On their fourth date they shared their first kiss and Skye could feel her heart clench. The nervousness, she thought.

Skye continued putting effort in Jemma and their growing relationship and one month later she slept the first time at Jemmas apartment. The day the scientist invited her to stay the night was a wonderful day. She and Jemma and gone canoeing and the sun was shining and Jemma and Skye were constantly laughing.

Meanwhile Miles was getting impatient and told her to go to the next step. The next day Skye asked Jemma if she wanted to be her girlfriend and she said yes with the biggest grin on her face.

The first time they had sex was a whole different story. They were both getting ready to go to the cinema when Skye started kissing Jemma passionately and so intense that it almost scared her.

Looking back, they never got to see the film because Skye had started dragging Jemma to her bedroom and after all the foreplay, involving kissing and nibbling on Jemmas favorite spot on her neck, she asked for permission to unzip her jeans. Jemma just nodded and the film was forgotten.

After one year she asked Skye to live with her. Of course she said yes, she spent more time at Jemmas apartment than she did at her own lately.

During the day Jemma was in her lab and Skye was working too. Well, she spend the day with Miles and talking with him about new informations and what she was supposed to do next. When Jemma came home Skye would kiss her and lead her to a fresh cooked meal. She did such things for Jemma. And as they ate they talked about their work . Of course Skye made something up. And the scientist told her about a new project they had. So it worked, the british woman trusted her and told her things that were normally top secret.

So it came to the point were she felt herself falling.

But it was at the point were Miles had information that made him plan an attack on SHIELD.

And he told her that Skye was ready for another step. Marriage.

Skye obeyed and on a friday night they drove to a place where Skye put chain of lights in the trees and as the moon was perfectly above them, Skye pulled out a ring of her pocket and proposed to a crying and utterly happy Jemma Simmons.

With every single day that came she knew that this wasn't a job anymore. What Skye had with her was real. Nobody else had looked at her with such a light in her eyes before.

Skye needed to back out of this. But she didn't know how to tell Jemma, or Miles.

And so it was an accident waiting to happen.

Miles just had told Skye that they had planned something on SHIELD, that was most likely to destroy a large part of it. And Skye didn't want that. She knew how much SHIELD meant to Jemma. She told Miles she wouldn't help.

But he threatened her. He said then he would make sure that she'll never be happy again and be banned from the rising Tide the only family she'd known. And they'd be tracking her down and making her regret to ever think of backing out of this.

Skye remembered the day clearly. It was fall and the trees turned into a light orange and yellow. The sun made her way to say goodbye for the day and Jemma stood in front of her.

Jemma looked confused as Skye told her that something was planned on SHIELD.

„Why would you know that?" she had asked

and Skye took a deep breath and started talking. The truth.

She told her about her work with Rising Tide. That she was supposed to get information out of Jemma.

Jemma didn't say anything , but her face fell. In her eyes burned anger and disappointment.

„So it was all a lie?"She shouted „You never loved me?" the scientist cupped her face in her hands, crying now.

„No, Jemma, I fell in love with you, you have to understand that"

„But I don't" she shouted, „I don't understand why you did that, I even wanted to marry you!" she looked into Skye's eyes.

„Do you even know what that means? Oh why did you do that?" she sobbed and was close to collapsing to the ground.

And Skye couldn't do anything and before she could think of something to say Jemma was out of the door.

She hated herself for what she did, it had never been a problem to her, it was her Job. But since Jemma everything was different. As she went to get the post out of their mail box and found a catalogue for bridal dresses there, ordered by Jemma Simmons and she couldn't hold back her tears. She tossed the cataloge in a corner so that the pages ripped out and slammed the door shut behind her.

What have I done, she thought.

All that was the reason she sat now on the kitchen table drinking vodka and watching the raindrops falling onto the glass.

Then she heard a door open and close and saw her.

„Jemma" she said.

And even with all the alcohol in her body she still was sober when it came to Jemma Simmons.

She still was sober enough to think how beautiful Jemma was and how bad she fucked up.

She was still sober enough to think that even if she lost everything she needed to get Jemma back.