Disclaimer: Chisato and Link are not mine. Locke really exists, as does Nate, the author. and stuff.
A Crazy Night at the Author's house.
The Author sat in his computer chair, trying to not get annoyed at the fact that his moniter
is busted and it turns itself off every seven minutes, and also trying to not get annoyed by
the fact that his computer is broken and won't use any .exe files, except for realplayer and
winamp.
He was also slightly annoyed by the fact that the ideas for either another deathmatch OR his
No Onion fanfiction weren't coming to him as he would hope. Suddenly, he heard his window open.
He wasn't to frightened, since he was pretty much aware that it was his friend, Locke.
Locke was a peice of work. And Irish guy who loved alochol and women more than anything, he was
the one friend that the Author had made since moving to Indianapolis. He was also a Final Fantasy
six freak. So much so, that he dressed like the Locke sprite, with a blue jean vest and blue bandana,
and had even had his name legally changed to Locke.
"Hey, Nate," said Locke.
The Author turned around im his chair, irrate.
"YOU DUMBASS!!! YOU JUST TOLD EVERYONE ON FANFICTION.NET MY REAL NAME!! I HAVEN'T BEEN CALLING
MYSELF "AUTHOR" JUST FOR FUN!!!!"
"Eh, ye'll live," said Locke, noticing that "The Mask" was playing on T.V. "So, got any beer?"
Nate rolled his eyes. He wasn't a drinker, but his grandmothers husband was. "You KNOW Kerry ALWAYS
has beer around here. And, I think Grandma might still have a half bottle of Vodka somewhere in
the kitchen." Nate then turned back to his moniter, which turned itself off at that moment. He
sighed, turned it back on, and continued trying to write his fanfiction as Locke went to the
kitchen.
In about ten minutes, Locke came back with a beer in one hand, and a styrofoam cup in the other.
He gave the cup to Nate.
"It's hot chocolate," said Locke. "I found it, and figured ye might want some."
"Thanks," said Nate, not paying too much attention, or noticing the small smirk on Locke's face.
Nate drank the entire cup in one draft. Locke's eyes went wide.
"DUDE!!! YE JUST GOT YERSELF DRUNK!!!"
Now it was Nate's turn to get wide eyed. He HAD noticed that the chocolate had tasted a bit weird,
but he hadn't thought why. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT IN THAT? VODKA!?"
Locke was too busy laughing for about three minutes to answer. Finally, he said, "Nay! I found a bottle
of everclear in the kitchen. I put about four shots of that, meaning that ye just drank a quarter
of a cup of almost pure alochol!!!"
"Oh, shit...." said Nate, putting his hand to his head. He wasn't much of a drinker. The only thing
that stopped him from getting drunk when he DID drink was the fact that he weighed 220 pounds, and
he didn't drink to much. Thankfully, when he DID get drunk, he was usually one of the quiet ones,
and his vision had never blurred to badly.
"Locke, I am SO gonna kill you!!"
Nate got up from his chair, and stumbled, and fell against the wall. Locke was laughing so hard,
that he had to lay down on Nate's bed, which was little more than a matress on the floor. Nate
could already feel himself getting idiotic. Suddenly, someone walked into the room.
"NO ONION!?!?!" yelled Nate, hoping he was just more drunk than he thought.
"That would be me!" said No Onion, looking around the room. He walked over to Nate's spatula
collection, which was hanging on the wall.
"Hey, nice HAYCO bar-b-que spatula. Is this the one I have in "Collision of the Worlds"?"
"Ummm,"said Nate, holding his head and attempting to figure everything out, "sure, why not? Locke,
what are you watching?"
"Porn," said Locke, leaning against the wall while sitting on the mattress.
"Figures," said Nate.
"Oooh, porn. I'll watch with you," stated No Onion, sitting down next to Locke.
"What, are we jusht having a party of fictional and real people around here? Who'sh next, Link?"
As if on cue, Link crawled thru Nate's window right then.
"Yeah," said Locke, "That's why I wanted beer. Oh, and your speech is slurring."
Nate didn't answer, but instead sat back down in his chair.
"Hey, why we watching this crap?" asked Link. "Wrestling's on."
"Hmmm," said Locke, in a show of mock-thoughtfulness, "What do I wanna see? Sweaty, half naked
men rolling around on top of each other, or sweaty, COMPLETELY naked WOMEN rolling around on
top of each other? I'm gonna have to go with the second one. What about ye, Onion?"
"I'm with porn. Plain and simple. Even tho I don't really NEED it...."
Link drew his sword. "I SAID, wrestlings on!"
"Oh, yeah, elfy-boy?" said No Onion, grabbing the HAYCO bar-b-que spatula. Locke hopped up, and
grabbed one of Nate's swords from his two peice sword collection.
They all began fighting. Nate managed to pull himself his chair, and grabbed his staff.
"IF YOU PEOPLE DON'T SHTOP, YOUR GONNA WAKE UP MY GRANDMA, AND I'LL BE IN BIG TROUBLE!!!"
Unfortunatly, a drunk guy with a staff is more amusing than it is fearsome, and instead of stopping
in fear, the trio stopped to laugh.
Suddenly, Chisato walked in. All eyes went on her. Especially Nate's, since she was one of the
fictional characters that he would date.
Nate raised his staff into the air, and yelled out "WORSHIP ME, FEMALE!!!" and then fell onto a
pile of clothes and fell asleep.
"See, kids," said Link, "this is why alcohol is bad."
Locke and No Onion looked at Link, looked at each other, nodded, and then they both punched Link
in the face at once. Link dropped, unconcious.
"NEVER INSULT ALCOHOL!!!" yelled No Onion and Locke at the same time.
Locke snapped, pointed at Chisato, and then pointed at himself. Chisato walked up to him.
"Uh-uh. I'm the only pimp allowed in a room." No Onion snapped his fingers, and Chisato ran to him.
"I don't think so," said Locke, snapping his fingers again...
the end?
author's note: yes, i was feeling QUITE insane. if you wish, i can continue with this, or MORE
little antics that could possibly happen, although i get the feeling this would be a better
web comic, I can't draw, but i can write, so there. anyways, if you wish for more, just tell me
and i'll GLADLY write some more. and it most likely won't even be at the expense of my
deathmatches, because i have no life, and therefore have a LOT of time to write.
Oh, also. if there are any matches you people wanna see, just tell me.
A Crazy Night at the Author's house.
The Author sat in his computer chair, trying to not get annoyed at the fact that his moniter
is busted and it turns itself off every seven minutes, and also trying to not get annoyed by
the fact that his computer is broken and won't use any .exe files, except for realplayer and
winamp.
He was also slightly annoyed by the fact that the ideas for either another deathmatch OR his
No Onion fanfiction weren't coming to him as he would hope. Suddenly, he heard his window open.
He wasn't to frightened, since he was pretty much aware that it was his friend, Locke.
Locke was a peice of work. And Irish guy who loved alochol and women more than anything, he was
the one friend that the Author had made since moving to Indianapolis. He was also a Final Fantasy
six freak. So much so, that he dressed like the Locke sprite, with a blue jean vest and blue bandana,
and had even had his name legally changed to Locke.
"Hey, Nate," said Locke.
The Author turned around im his chair, irrate.
"YOU DUMBASS!!! YOU JUST TOLD EVERYONE ON FANFICTION.NET MY REAL NAME!! I HAVEN'T BEEN CALLING
MYSELF "AUTHOR" JUST FOR FUN!!!!"
"Eh, ye'll live," said Locke, noticing that "The Mask" was playing on T.V. "So, got any beer?"
Nate rolled his eyes. He wasn't a drinker, but his grandmothers husband was. "You KNOW Kerry ALWAYS
has beer around here. And, I think Grandma might still have a half bottle of Vodka somewhere in
the kitchen." Nate then turned back to his moniter, which turned itself off at that moment. He
sighed, turned it back on, and continued trying to write his fanfiction as Locke went to the
kitchen.
In about ten minutes, Locke came back with a beer in one hand, and a styrofoam cup in the other.
He gave the cup to Nate.
"It's hot chocolate," said Locke. "I found it, and figured ye might want some."
"Thanks," said Nate, not paying too much attention, or noticing the small smirk on Locke's face.
Nate drank the entire cup in one draft. Locke's eyes went wide.
"DUDE!!! YE JUST GOT YERSELF DRUNK!!!"
Now it was Nate's turn to get wide eyed. He HAD noticed that the chocolate had tasted a bit weird,
but he hadn't thought why. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT IN THAT? VODKA!?"
Locke was too busy laughing for about three minutes to answer. Finally, he said, "Nay! I found a bottle
of everclear in the kitchen. I put about four shots of that, meaning that ye just drank a quarter
of a cup of almost pure alochol!!!"
"Oh, shit...." said Nate, putting his hand to his head. He wasn't much of a drinker. The only thing
that stopped him from getting drunk when he DID drink was the fact that he weighed 220 pounds, and
he didn't drink to much. Thankfully, when he DID get drunk, he was usually one of the quiet ones,
and his vision had never blurred to badly.
"Locke, I am SO gonna kill you!!"
Nate got up from his chair, and stumbled, and fell against the wall. Locke was laughing so hard,
that he had to lay down on Nate's bed, which was little more than a matress on the floor. Nate
could already feel himself getting idiotic. Suddenly, someone walked into the room.
"NO ONION!?!?!" yelled Nate, hoping he was just more drunk than he thought.
"That would be me!" said No Onion, looking around the room. He walked over to Nate's spatula
collection, which was hanging on the wall.
"Hey, nice HAYCO bar-b-que spatula. Is this the one I have in "Collision of the Worlds"?"
"Ummm,"said Nate, holding his head and attempting to figure everything out, "sure, why not? Locke,
what are you watching?"
"Porn," said Locke, leaning against the wall while sitting on the mattress.
"Figures," said Nate.
"Oooh, porn. I'll watch with you," stated No Onion, sitting down next to Locke.
"What, are we jusht having a party of fictional and real people around here? Who'sh next, Link?"
As if on cue, Link crawled thru Nate's window right then.
"Yeah," said Locke, "That's why I wanted beer. Oh, and your speech is slurring."
Nate didn't answer, but instead sat back down in his chair.
"Hey, why we watching this crap?" asked Link. "Wrestling's on."
"Hmmm," said Locke, in a show of mock-thoughtfulness, "What do I wanna see? Sweaty, half naked
men rolling around on top of each other, or sweaty, COMPLETELY naked WOMEN rolling around on
top of each other? I'm gonna have to go with the second one. What about ye, Onion?"
"I'm with porn. Plain and simple. Even tho I don't really NEED it...."
Link drew his sword. "I SAID, wrestlings on!"
"Oh, yeah, elfy-boy?" said No Onion, grabbing the HAYCO bar-b-que spatula. Locke hopped up, and
grabbed one of Nate's swords from his two peice sword collection.
They all began fighting. Nate managed to pull himself his chair, and grabbed his staff.
"IF YOU PEOPLE DON'T SHTOP, YOUR GONNA WAKE UP MY GRANDMA, AND I'LL BE IN BIG TROUBLE!!!"
Unfortunatly, a drunk guy with a staff is more amusing than it is fearsome, and instead of stopping
in fear, the trio stopped to laugh.
Suddenly, Chisato walked in. All eyes went on her. Especially Nate's, since she was one of the
fictional characters that he would date.
Nate raised his staff into the air, and yelled out "WORSHIP ME, FEMALE!!!" and then fell onto a
pile of clothes and fell asleep.
"See, kids," said Link, "this is why alcohol is bad."
Locke and No Onion looked at Link, looked at each other, nodded, and then they both punched Link
in the face at once. Link dropped, unconcious.
"NEVER INSULT ALCOHOL!!!" yelled No Onion and Locke at the same time.
Locke snapped, pointed at Chisato, and then pointed at himself. Chisato walked up to him.
"Uh-uh. I'm the only pimp allowed in a room." No Onion snapped his fingers, and Chisato ran to him.
"I don't think so," said Locke, snapping his fingers again...
the end?
author's note: yes, i was feeling QUITE insane. if you wish, i can continue with this, or MORE
little antics that could possibly happen, although i get the feeling this would be a better
web comic, I can't draw, but i can write, so there. anyways, if you wish for more, just tell me
and i'll GLADLY write some more. and it most likely won't even be at the expense of my
deathmatches, because i have no life, and therefore have a LOT of time to write.
Oh, also. if there are any matches you people wanna see, just tell me.