A/N: It's the holidays and I finally got round to starting that chapter fic that's been asking to be written! I'm thinking it's only going to be three or four chapters long at the moment, but we'll just wait and see. I hope you guys like it and I promise it isn't all sad! Please review with anything like pointers, ideas, what you liked, what you didn't like, where I could improve, etc. This has been published at 11pm so please excuse the mistakes.

Standard disclaimer applies.
Rating: T
Spoilers: up to Takedown Twenty, just to be safe.

Chapter One - The Beginning

She begins to stir next to me and moans softly as she reaches out towards me, obviously sensing the heat from my naked body in her bed. I slowly slide out of the bed, allowing her hand to fall on the warm white sheet I was just lying on. She stops moving and sighs, settling back into a deep sleep.

I let out the breath I was holding and moved quietly around the messy bedroom. While searching for my discarded clothes, I started to worry about who exactly this woman was. There were pictures of her with multiple other females covered with equal amounts of god awful make up and wearing outfits Lula would have been proud of. There was a sickly amount of pink in the room and plush toys which made me wonder just how old this woman was. Judging from the room I would say at least eighteen. Please God, let her be over eighteen. I glanced at her lying face down on her bed, shoulder blades exposed, snoring softly.

Oh she was definitely over eighteen.

At least twenty years over eighteen.

Jesus Christ, what kind of chick did I pick up?

I grabbed my jacket on the way out of the small apartment, not looking back at the sleeping form I'd just abandoned. I closed the door softly and stepped into the elevator, hitting the ground floor button and leaning back against the mirrored interior. What the fuck have I done?

I checked the time on my watch and saw it was 0600 hours; my body clock hadn't failed me too badly. Maybe I could just sneak up to the control room on five and claim to have slept in and missed my morning workout? Who the fuck was I kidding? My men were the best of the best, they would know the second I turned up in the parking lot that I'd been out all night. Especially after the show I gave the men on the monitors last night in a rare moment of my control slipping.

I exited the elevator and searched the lot for my car. No car. Of course there isn't a car. We were both so drunk that neither of us could drive and got a cab here. How could I forget something like that? I got my phone out of my pocket to call a cab to take me back to the bar where I'd left it.

I pulled into my usual parking spot and angled out of my car. I could feel the eyes of the men on the monitors following me through the security camera. Knowing the rotation of the shifts by heart, I knew they would be the same guys that saw me last night. If word gets out that this happened, I'm gonna start having men volunteering for monitor duty just to have a chance of catching me doing the walk of shame.

What the hell is wrong with you? These men are professionals and don't live to talk about their Boss.

Who am I kidding? They gossip almost as much as the Burg.

I stepped into the elevator and fobbed my way up to seven to change into some non-wrinkled, non-cigarette and alcohol smelling clothes. My men are trained to be observant so this change of clothes won't fool them, but I'd like to make at least an effort to not be as obvious about my … indescression.

I walked into the lounge and took in the sight before me. The lamp was still smashed on the floor, as well as the table overturned. There was a dent in the wall too where the initial impact of the glass had left a mark before smashing and covering the wall in the amber liquid – now reduced only to a dark stain. Obviously Ella hadn't been in yet. I sighed, thinking I should probably clean up the glass, I can't expect Ella to clean up after my temper tantrum. When did you start thinking like Stephanie? Goddammit. I paid Ella well; it was her job to clean up after me! It's hardly slave labour.

I was getting changed and only had my cargos on when the door to my apartment opened without any warning. Only two people would do this and to be honest I didn't want to see either of them because that required an explanation of why my apartment was trashed.

"Boss?" Tank's voice travelled through the apartment.

"What?" I snapped back. From the sound of his voice I could tell he was worried and obviously taking in the scene of smashed and upturned furniture in front of him.

"… What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit," Tank's voice was suddenly a lot closer and made me jump a little. I hoped he didn't notice that he'd managed to shock me but judging from the small twitch of his lips I could tell he had but wasn't going to mention it. Wise man.

"It doesn't affect RangeMan so why is it any of your concern?" I asked, pulling on a second skin-like black t-shirt. I pushed past him out of my closet and into my bedroom to put my boots on.

"Because, unless you've forgotten, I'm more than just second in command to you."

"Tank, you know I don't swing that way," I said, trying to add a bit of humour to my life before he possibly killed me for avoiding the topic. I don't know what it is with my men but whenever something concerns her they demand answers and explanations.

"Ranger the guys on monitors saw you leave at 2300 hours last night, drive to a bar and unless you stayed their all night, you then went to what I can only assume is a female companion's house. This was all after you destroyed your apartment, I assume, and kicked the crap out of the back of your Porsche," Tank wasn't always one for words but he said it like he was giving me a status report on a skip, not telling me how I spent my night. When I didn't respond he kept pushing. Only two people would keep pushing me when I gave them the silent treatment and one of them was standing in my doorway blocking my way to the lounge. "Please tell me you were with Stephanie and not some random drunk chick."

The mention of her name made my jaw clench and anger fill me. "You know damn well I wasn't with her," I said in a way that would make any other RangeMan employee run before I called them to the mats. But not Tank.

"I don't know where you went! Your car was at the bar all night and then you drove it back here this morning!" He yelled.

"I don't have to explain my actions to you, Tank. You're not my wife, you're not my girlfriend, you're not my mother and you're sure as hell not my Boss, so move before I fire your sorry ass," I was starting to get pissed. He had no right to ask these things of me. I didn't ask him why he was dating a former ho who barely fit into her spandex and was for all I knew crazy as hell. So why was he asking me whether I spent the night with Stephanie?

"Right now you're not my boss and I'm not your second in command. Right now I'm your friend and I need to know why the sudden break down and your resentment towards Bomber," he said as I managed to push past him into the lounge to get my gun belt.

"Break down? Is that what we're calling it?"

Tank looked at me for a solid thirty seconds with his head tilted slightly, like he was trying to figure me out. I maintained eye contact and frowned when he nodded his head like it all made sense. "You know about her and the cop." He said as-matter-of-factly.

"Of course I know about her and the cop!" I said through clenched teeth. "Hell, her mother is probably having a fucking party!"

"Man, you know it was bound to happen sooner or later," he said to me, I shot him a glare and walked into kitchen to get something to eat.

"He's not right for her! He wants her to be a fucking housewife popping out kids for him on demand and making him dinner. He thinks she's shit at her job just because she falls over a few times and doesn't always get her skips first try. What kind of man tells the woman he loves that she's shit at the thing she does so well and then fucking proposes to her?! He just wants to see all the life and happiness drain out of her by shaping her into the woman he wants her to be!" I said louder than I meant to. I saw her jacket hanging over one of the breakfast stools and felt the need for her presence mixed with the anger I felt over the whole situation. "She doesn't want this. She never wanted this," I said quietly as I clenched my fists on the counter top and hung my head.

Tank was quiet from where he stood in the doorway of the kitchen. He watched me intently for a minute as I glared at the countertop. The image of her begging me for more as I took her on it flashed through my mind. "God-fucking-dammit!" I yelled and hit the countertop with my fist. I backed up and lent against the fridge as I covered my face with my hands. I was so exhausted.

I had thrown a goddamn temper tantrum like a five year old, fucked some random chick from a bar and now my head is pounding all because of Stephanie and the cop. I should have seen this coming. They'd been on and off again for years. Their last break was the longest ever and I had thoroughly enjoyed it. She was round at RangeMan more and more often, she didn't try to lose my shadows as much, and we were doing far more than just sharing kisses in the alley behind the bonds office. Thinking about that made me grind my molars. That's what had started all of this.

I had made my way back up to seven after hearing the news. I wasn't too mad, they had been engaged before and that didn't work out. But when I got into my apartment it had all began to sink in. My apartment still had some of her stuff in it. Her jacket was still on the back of the barstool from when she came to pick up some forms for her part-time employment at RangeMan, junk food for her in cupboards, toiletries that she'd left over the months in the bathroom. That's when I poured my drink. My drink collided with the wall when I walked into the bedroom and all I could see was those nights when her delicate sexy body was underneath me, begging and pleading for my attention. Now it would be underneath Morelli, forever.

At first, when they had got back together she had kept her distance. She had smiled at me pleasantly when we saw each other at the Bonds Office two days after she got back with Morelli but that was it for the rest of the week. But one day when she came in to do one of her three RangeMan shifts a week, she came into my office to say hi and she acted just as she used to. She flirted back at me and made no complaints when I told her to close the door and pulled her RangeMan t-shirt over her head and took her on my desk. This … thing we had, it was more than just casual sex, but it wasn't a relationship. Because she was in a relationship with Morelli.

We wouldn't just have sex and one of us leave. Afterwards, we would lie in bed and talk about nothing, or she would try to get on top of me and we would end up play fighting, or she would ask me about what to do with one of her harder skips, or I'd tell her one of the stories I was able to tell her about my time before I knew her as I played with her ringlets. Or we'd just lie there in each other's arms and kiss and nuzzle into each other. We had something more than just a friendship, but not a relationship. She would tell Morelli she was doing a distraction, or working on something at RangeMan, or hanging out with Lula for the night and would either return home to him in the morning or later that night.

Lula knew what was going on and I'd expected her to start yelling at me next time I saw her. But that day when I walked into the Bonds Office and it was just her there because Connie was out re-bonding someone and Vinnie was on a cruise, she didn't.

"Sit down, Batman," She said calmly. Her hair was blonde and in braids with beads at the end. I never understood her hair… or her spandex for that matter. I couldn't see more than her orange spandex top behind the desk and judging by how tight that was, I didn't want to see the rest of it.

"I have meetings to go to. I just needed to drop these off," I put the body receipts on the desk and began to walk out.

"I said sit yo' ass down," she said sternly. I turned to look at her, my blank face hiding the shock I felt at her talking to me like that. Lula usually either fanned herself and drooled over me or tried to hide from me. "I know what you got goin' on with my girl," she said, I raised an eyebrow for her to continue. "I ain't saying what I got to say unless your, according to Stephanie, perfect ass of yours is in that ugly couch here."

I smirked at Stephanie calling my ass perfect and sat down across from Lula on the couch. I maintained eye contact with her and waited for her to say what she had to say. She looked nervous now that she had my full attention.

"Stephanie cares abo- you close that goddamn mouth until I'm finished talking, you got it?" She said before I even got a syllable out. "I know you're gonna say some bullshit about how yo' life don't lend itself to relationships. I've heard that line before from her whenever I tell her you love her. And don't raise them perfect eyebrows at me, you pluck them or somethin'? Anyways, Its obvious you love her. Maybe not to her, but it is to me. Now, what you two are doing here is risky and I'm sure you both know it. I told her to dump the cop. She's been happier since she's started…whatever it is you two have, with you when she last broke it off with him. But she never listens to me. Now if y'all wanna continue with this now she's back on with him … I'll be a cover for her. It'll make your lives a lot easier since Morelli'd rather she spend time with your new best friend Lula here, than you. But I want you to promise me something, you listening?" I nodded once. "And If you don't promise me then I'm going straight to the cop and I aint gonna do nothing to stop him from coming after you. I know you could probably go 'in the wind' or some shit, but he could ruin your company. And Stephanie tells me how hard you've worked for it. One mention to the paper about some illegal shit that RangeMan's supposedly done, backed up by Trenton's finest cop, Joe Morelli and your business would fall. I know you don't give a shit what people think of you, but I'm sure you care about what people think of your business. You sure you're ready to hear what I'm wanting you to promise?" She looked at me expectantly.

"It seems more like blackmail than a promise," I said, my teeth clenched in anger.

"Call it what you want. You ready?"

I nodded once.

"I don't want you holding back with her. No more of this 'your life is dangerous' bullshit. In case you haven't noticed, she ain't exactly free of her own crazies. Morelli ain't right for her. He don't deserve her. Hell, you don't deserve her sometimes. But you the best for her and she's happy with you. I want you to give this … this thing you two have a proper chance."

It was the longest conversation I've ever had with Lula and she would constantly remind me of it whenever we were alone. I had a new respect for the woman, despite me disagreeing with her fashion choices. It was also nice to have someone on our side.

"What was going on with you two?" Tank asked quietly. He was drumming his fingers against the counter top, looking at me expectantly.

"Are you trying to tell me that you don't know? Because I don't believe that for a second."

"We all suspect and have our own theories. Manny thinks you two are secretly married. I guess he's lost $50."

"You guys are betting on us?"

Tank had the decency to look sheepish. "What did you expect? You claim her as your woman, yet you both deny having a relationship, and she spends more nights up here than she does at Morelli's."

"I don't know what was going on between us."

"Were you just fucking her?" I glared at Tank. "No."

"Then what were you doing? Sitting around braiding each other's hair?"

"I could kill you, you know that?" I growled at him.

"Yeah, but I know you won't."

"Yes, we were sleeping together. But it was more than that," I said quietly.

"Then what was it then?" Tank pushed.

What the fuck was I doing? Sitting around talking to my second in command about my feelings. That's what I was doing. I needed to leave this room and forget this conversation and look over client contracts.

"I have work to do," I said and then left the kitchen. Not turning back when he yelled my name.

I was sitting at my desk, bored out of my mind looking at client contracts. I needed to hire someone to do this for me. Maybe I could give it to Tank as punishment for this morning. When I'd walked onto five this morning, the whole floor went silent. Not the kind of silence I usually get; one full of respect and fear. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. They obviously all knew about last night, and probably about Steph. I could feel them judging me.

I was pulled out of my musings by the one person I really didn't want to see today. But I couldn't stop the smile appearing on my face when I saw her. She always pulled this reaction from me.

"Hi Ranger," she said as she stood awkwardly in front of my desk. Usually she would just sit down on the edge of it, or on my lap. She didn't know how to act now.

"Babe."

"You wanna go get lunch?" she was looking at the front of my desk, only occasionally glancing at my face.

"Sure. I'll come get you from your cubicle at 1300 hours," I said. "One o'clock, Babe," I told her when she looked at me blankly. She nodded and gave me a small smile before leaving my office. She hadn't even been engaged for a full 24 hours and she was already treating me different.

"You know, don't you?" she said quietly as she picked at her muffin.

I was sitting across from her at a small café we often went to. She didn't want to go to Pino's because it was full of cops and the Burg. And this place was far enough away from the Burg that her mother would never find out that she frequents it with me, and not Morelli.

"Know what?" I asked as I ate a forkful of my salad.

"Don't play dumb, Ranger." She levelled me with a glare. She was usually so relaxed around me. How can a stupid ring change so much about her? Not that you could call it a ring. It looked like he'd just bought her the cheapest ring he could find. Not that Steph would like a big flashy diamond ring, but the least he could have done was get her a real diamond.

"Of course I know, Stephanie." Her eyes turned sad at my use of her full name. "Congratulations," I said without a hint of emotion in my voice.

She scoffed at me. "Thanks."

"Shouldn't you be celebrating?" Or sporting a 'just fucked' glow? I found it interesting that she was missing that.

"Celebrating? I think my mother is doing enough celebrating for the both of us," she rolled her eyes and took a sip of her cream filled coffee. "Of course, Mrs Morelli isn't too pleased about it." She suddenly went pale at that. "Oh God, I'm going to be Mrs Morelli," she said quietly, obviously she wasn't supposed to say that out loud. She buried her face in her hands and let out a breath.

This was strange. From what I'd heard about Joe Morelli, most females in the Burg would kill to be in Stephanie's position right now. Burg girls had been writing 'Mrs Morelli' on their notebooks since they were old enough to write. Yet Stephanie looked like she was about to throw up at the thought.

"Aren't you pleased about it?" I asked as I sipped my water.

She looked at me with her head tilted, as if trying to figure out what I meant by that sentence. "I suppose."

"I suppose?" I repeated.

"What?"

"Babe, I would have thought you'd be a little more… enthusiastic about this," I said carefully, trying not to piss her off.

"It's just the next step in our relationship, I guess," she shrugged, as if she hadn't just agreed to marry someone. "Nobody else will have me," she mumbled, glancing at me quickly.

I knew what she was doing. She was waiting to see if I would tell her she was wrong. That I would have her. And she was right. I would have her. I would have her forever and I knew that I didn't even need a ring to prove it to her. But I couldn't have her. I was still on contract with the government and even if I wasn't, the enemies I'd made wouldn't just stop because I was retired. My life was unpredictable and dangerous. I didn't want to leave her at home waiting for me to come back. I didn't want my death to hurt her.

Who the fuck was I kidding? My death would hurt her now. I'd let this go too far. I should just leave. Just pack my bags and run things from the Miami office. That way she can live happily with Morelli without me interfering. She obviously wanted this. If she didn't, she wouldn't have let him slide that bullshit ring onto her finger. She needs me out of her life.

I stood up and placed some cash on the table to cover both our meals.

"I'm glad you fixed it with him. I'm sure you'll be happy."

I saw her trying to hold the tears in as I drove away.

A/N: Next chapter will be up shortly! Please follow if you liked it! All reviews are welcome :)