This story takes place after GoF and during OotP with some slight changes to fit the narrative.

Warning: M/M Slash (Tomarry) and brief love triangle.

Have a good weekend and happy reading~

Do you really think there's going to be a war Sirius?"

Sirius looked off into space, his expression tightened as he thought about the question. Sirius nodded, his voice low and grave. His wiry black hair barely brushed his shoulders, his eyes never met Harry's as he spoke.

. "It...it feels like it did before."

Harry clutched the photograph Sirius gave him even harder. His eyes traced over each one of their smiling, bright faces, hope gleaming in their eyes. Harry softly brushed his thumb over the faces of his mother and father.

You have you mother's eyes.

Harry smiled, despite the urge to cry. He tried to not think about how much differently his life would be if Voldemort hadn't murdered them, if Pettigrew hadn't told, if his they never joined the Order. But lately, with the toll of Cedric's death and the denial of Voldemort's existence had taken a toll on him. Harry would find himself intensely daydreaming often about how life would be with his parents. What their house would look like, oh how big would his room be! He could imagine they would try to give him the master bedroom so he would have more room for his books and brooms, if he ever wanted to collect them. He could imagine the two of them smiling as they took his picture in front of the Quidditch Cup in his big room. His dad would ruffle his hair while his mom gave him a hug telling him how proud she was, her red hair glowing in the sun.

"I love you Harry." She would say.

And Harry would feel a great sense of tranquility, as if all was right in the world…

"What's that you got their mate?" Ron asked as he leaned over Hermione to see what was in his hands.

The warm images dispersed quickly as Harry blinked rapidly, his eyes focusing in on his surroundings. He turned to see Ron and Hermione looking at him expectedly.

Harry licked his lips. The serenity he was feeling was fading quickly. "It's a photo, here."

Harry moved so they could get a better look at the photo and pointed to a woman with short black hair sticking out from the top of her head. She held the biggest smile. "That right there is Neville's mother."

"She's pretty." Hermione commented. Ron took the photo before handing it to Hermione and she scanned it shortly before handing it back to Harry.

Harry grabbed the photo and pulled but Hermione didn't loosen her grip. Instead she looked at him with a curios twinkle in her eye.

"Are you okay Harry?"

Harry looked at the two of them and tried to smile but found he couldn't muster up the strength to fake it. Instead he gave them a blank stare, trying to rid his face of all emotion. "I'm fine guys, really I am." He hoped he sounded convincing.

Hermione released her grip on the photo and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "You had a nightmare earlier Harry and it seemed pretty intense." Hermione's eyes searched his. "Was it about You-Know-Who again?"

Harry shook his head and looked outside the compartment window. Ahead he could the see the head of the train, smoke rising steadily from its chimney. He did not want to have this conversation but Hermione clearly didn't get the message. She leaned in towards him, her eyes staring intently.

"Was it about Cedric?" She said softly.

Harry's heart felt heavier at the mention of Cedric's name. "I don't remember 'Mione, I'm still pretty tired actually. I may need to go back to sleep."

In the corner of his eye he could Hermione and Ron exchange concerning looks.

"We're worried Harry. How are you...coping with all of it?"

Harry gritted his teeth. "A boy loss his life in front of me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I led him to his death. No one believes me at all about what happened that night. They send me back to my uncle where Dudley can sit there and antagonize me for hours on end. Not only that but I had no other choice but save the him from a bunch of dementors only to be expelled AND then Dumbledore had to bail me out before shortly ignoring me. Tell me Hermione how would you be dealing with all of that?"

"Harry I didn't mean to upset you it's just, you need to talk about these things with someone."

"No I don't and I would appreciate it if we dropped it."

Hermione turned to Ron. "Help me here, he's your friend too."

Ron looked nervously at Hermione and slowly shrugged his shoulders. "What do you want me to do about it Hermione he says he doesn't want to bloody talk about it. So, don't make him."

Hermione huffed. "You can't be serious Ronald?"

"I-"

"Anything from the cart?" The old trolley lady pushed their door open and looked at the three of them, boredom stretching out her wrinkled features. "I have some chocolate frogs restocked dears. Want some?"

"Don't mind if I do!" Ron yelped, practically jumping out of his seat and away from the tense conversation.

Hermione sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry Harry. You know I can be a worry wart."

Harry gave Hermione a small smile and patted her shoulder. "It's okay Hermione, I overreacted a bit myself. So, I'm sorry too."

The two of them shared a smile as Ron sat back down, pouting at the stack of black licorice in his hand.

"Where are your chocolate frogs?" Hermione asked.

"I couldn't afford them." He grumbled. "I tried to hand her one of your muggle coins but she wouldn't take it."

Harry laughed. "And why on earth would you do that?"

Ron shrugged and stuff a piece of licorice in his mouth. "Worth a try. Want some?"

Hermione shook her head no while Harry took a couple.

"Is my mouth black yet?" Ron smiled, showing a row of teeth that looked covered in tar.

Harry chuckled. "Blacker than Snape's ropes."

"Blimey! What could get blacker than that? I couldn't guess that was possible."

Harry and Hermione laughed. Harry was beginning to feel better, the feeling of peace filling him up once more as he continued to laugh with his friends. He felt bad for letting himself feel so low to begin with. He was going to Hogwarts, one of the best wizarding schools in the word. He had great friends, good teachers, and Sirius to call family. He didn't really have it that bad if he thought about that way. Maybe everything was going to be alright. Things always worked themselves out in the end, somehow. Certainly, they would work for him again, they always did, and that was something Harry was eternally grateful for.

Harry wanted to die.

He lay alone in the bed space she shared with the other four Gryffindor boys, his eyes glue to the ceiling as he heard some of them yelling in the common room. He could make out Ron and Seamus arguing over a couple of others who would join in and include an opinion. It took all of his strength not to go down there and give Seamus another piece of his mind. Frustration and anger made Harry's heart weigh heavy. He felt as if a dementor had just came and kissed him on the lips. He was sick of it, sick of it all, the constant stairs and whispers as he passed. Tired of Draco's offhand comments and Dumbledore's silence.

Hot angry tears threatened to spill from his eyes but Harry did nothing to stop them. For once he wished he could join his mother and father and felt ashamed. They had died for him, how disappointed would they be if they saw him take his own life, making their sacrifice vain. He could try to blame them. Seamus and his mother were just as foul and brain washed as the rest of them. Or was Harry the insane one?

No. He thought to himself, he would not let the ministry or the Daily Prophet and their readers drive him to madness. He knew what he saw that night. At least Ron had his back and he knew if Hermione were there she would too, and there was also that weird blonde girl on the carriage who at least seems like she supported him. But were they enough? Harry grimaced.

For the first time in his life Harry wished he was somewhere other than Hogwarts.