My eyes keep drifting toward Vic as Doc stitches me up. While I appreciate his attempt to lighten the heavy feeling in the room I know it isn't having any effect on the woman who is consuming my thoughts. She is so still, only moving her fingers to lightly graze the tear in my coat left from the bullet that didn't quite miss me. I am not used to her being so quiet. It worries me. She has avoided looking at me since she arrived back at Chance's to find him on the ground with me standing over him. Such a contrast to her seeming inability to look away as she had ridden out of the compound. As I watched her leave I had tried to communicate everything I wanted to say to her without words, keeping my eyes locked on hers until I could no longer make them out in the the darkness of the car. I needed her to know that I was not just standing up to Chance for Martha, but for her as well.
Doc finishes up and speaks to her as he is leaving. His words drive home how close I came to losing her. I stand and ease into my shirt continuing to watch her face. I tell her that after the needle and thread I'll be back to normal but I wonder what that normal will be. She stands and nods slightly holding out my coat, continuing to look at it. She was holding onto it so tightly. It is as if she now realizes it is time to let it go again.
As I reach for my coat I stretch just a little farther and touch her hand. Time seems to stop as she finally looks up to really see me standing there. I know I shouldn't but I am drawn to her. I lightly grasp her arm and and pull her into me as she starts to cry. It is the most natural thing in the world to hold her. I rub her back, pull her hair out of her face and thank God she is here with me and I wonder how we can ever go back to the way it was.
As we embrace I cannot help but to think of her husband. I saw him only briefly as he was brought into the hospital by the EMTs we had sent down the hill to where Vic had left him in the car. She had stayed with me and we rode together back to Durant Memorial. I insisted they check her out first and she didn't object. Another sign everything was not okay with her. After her injuries had been confirmed and she was released we were brought back to the treatment room to tend to my needs. I asked Vic if she shouldn't go check on Shaun but she didn't answer. She just continued to sit and stare at my coat. I hadn't wanted to force the issue. She had been through so much already. I feel guilty that she chose to be here with me but even so, I am not going to push her away like I have so many times before because I know in my gut this is where she belongs. Still, I wonder how I might feel if it were Martha who was in the arms of another man after we had been through an ordeal such as that? Though I know it isn't my place, I will not refuse her, as if I ever really could. I willingly offer the comfort and support that I know she needs and that I long to provide.