Illusionary
My dear Sousuke-kun, can you hear me? After everything that has happened, can you hear me calling your name? If you ventured into the place I call home within your soul, can you even see me? What has happened between us to cause this separation? Were we not meant to be partners for all eternity? Bonded as one? Was I not supposed to be there for you and you for I? What has happened, dear Sousuke-kun, between you and I?
I know you; all of your faults, all of your desires, all of your fears and all of your darkest secrets. You could hide nothing from me, as I could never hide anything from you. Because of this, I know the real you; not the kind shinigami captain, nor the apathetic leader, nor the god you wanted to become. The 'you' that was buried deep down in the farthest pit of your soul; the 'you' who used my power to hide from the rest of the world. Do you remember that time? The time during your captain's exam when you knew that the power of my shikai would not be powerful enough to fool the gathered shinigami captains. So, you unleashed my bankai, placing upon them the image of the kind and caring captain you would come to be known as.
That was the last time you used my ultimate power, wasn't it? As your power grew you had to rely less and less upon my power. You found it was enough to fool your enemy's five most basic senses, and forget about the power of the mind. Or rather, you preferred to play a different kind of mind game, one where simple words were enough to confuse and enrage your enemies instead of altering reality itself. For that was the power of my bankai, to shape and bend reality to your will; to deem what was 'real' and what was 'not'. With my powers, a stab to the heart could be nothing more than a mere insect bite. Of course there is always a weakness, mine was that the power could only last for five minutes and could only be activated once every three days because of the enormous strain on your reiatsu; but I digress.
Was it because you believed that there were none who could beat you? That there were none who were even remotely close to your level of power? Wasn't that why you joined the Goteijusantai and became a shinigami? To see if there were any who could match you? But that was not really the reason, was it? What you really wanted was not to be alone anymore. You believed that if you found someone at your level of power, then you wouldn't be alone anymore. When you could find none, you started to search for ways to grow stronger. The more and more you thought along those lines, the further and further you moved away from what you really wanted.
Yet you were so focused outwardly, that you never bothered to look at the person closest to you… me. For who else could stand at your level of power other than the source itself? For is it not I, your zanpakuto, who lends you MY power when you need it? Without my powers you are strong, yes, but when you draw upon me you are untouchable! So WHY? Why did you never look inwardly? Why did you never turn that searching gaze towards me? Why… why… why… tell me Sousuke-kun… why?
Do you remember, Sousuke-kun, of your time in Rukongai? Do you remember, when you were so young, and all of the other children were afraid to be near you? Of course, the reason was because even, when you were so young, your reiatsu was so potent it affected them on a primal level… but you didn't know that then did you? And do you remember when you would sleep and dream of a far away place? When you would dream of a lonely woman sitting by a lake? Do you remember going to her and asking why she appeared so lonely? Do you remember talking to the woman about everything going on in your life? Do you remember telling her how you were saddened about the fact no one else would play with you? Telling her, of how you were scared of growing up alone with no one there for you; no one there to love and protect and to comfort you. Do you remember, Sousuke-kun, of how the woman smiled and appeared happier the more you went to see her?
It was so long ago and you were so young, I doubt you do. When you joined the Shinigami Academy, you started to visit the woman by the lake less and less until you stopped all together. Did you know that the woman gradually became lonely again? Did you know she started to miss the nights when you would come and visit her and talk to her and just be around her? And did you know, that the next time you saw the woman by the lake was when you learned your zanpakuto's name? Yes, dear Sousuke-kun, that woman by the lake was ME! The world which you visited was MINE! And all those feelings of loneliness which disappeared was BECAUSE OF ME!
Hot angry tears mixed with sorrowful ones as they spilled down my cheeks even as my hand went to wipe them away. Would this surprise you, Sousuke-kun, if you saw me like this? Saw me acting so much like a human. Would you be disgusted? Or would you be unaffected as you are with so many other things that happen? No, that isn't like you… is it? You may seem cold and indifferent to everyone else, but you weren't like that with me. There are dozens of mental and emotional shields, each layered over the other, that you placed to keep others from getting close to you. Yet because I am a part of your soul, as you are a part of mine, none of those barriers worked. Or perhaps because of that, you never wanted to get close to me. Was that it? You didn't want to get close to me because I would see past all your 'illusions'? Afraid that I would see the real 'you'? Ah, dear Sousuke-kun, you have forgotten how long I have been with you. Forgotten that I was there when you first created those shields.
Let me tell you this, my dear Sousuke-kun, it was that 'you' that I grew to care for, not in the zanpakuto-master relationship. No, my dear Sousuke-kun, I grew to love you. Considering all the time that we have spent together… considering all the time that we have talked to one another… considering all the time that we fought together… is that really so surprising? Or would you even consider that I, your zanpakuto, would act so human? Would that disgust you instead? No, you never hated humans; you merely thought that you were so far above them that they should worship you as a god. Or was I merely your zanpakuto? Was I merely a sword whose power you used from time to time? Was that why you never noticed how I felt about you? Was I ever anything more to you than a mere pawn in your giant game of chess?
Ah, but isn't that how you treated everyone around you? All of your subordinates and all of your enemies… nothing more than pieces in a giant game of chess. So I shouldn't be surprised… or hurt, that I could never be your companion. I shouldn't be hurt knowing that I was never anything more than your zanpakuto. I shouldn't be hurt knowing everything I know about you. Yet I am and I can feel the pain tearing my heart in two. I can feel the tears falling down my face as I am filled with nothing but sorrow and loneliness and a sense of betrayal and regret. I had always been with you, always by your side and always helping you. So why was I never your queen?
Perhaps I know why. The king, in chess, was the most important piece but it wasn't the most powerful. The queen was the most powerful and you, dear Sousuke-kun, always considered yourself to be the most powerful. Even if you never considered yourself as the king, I did… and I as your queen. Though those feelings where never because I was your zanpakuto and it was my duty to serve you. It was in part because I love you and in part the queen's duty in chess. Her duty was to protect the king, like all the other pieces but more so because of the vast number of moves she can make. And as your zanpakuto, it was my duty to protect you. And because it is my duty to protect you, I will not simply let you rot here. Somehow, someway, I will free you from this false imprisonment, and we will be together… finally.
Oh, dear Sousuke-kun, I don't even know if my voice and all of my emotions can reach you after everything that has happened. I can feel the tears flowing down my face as I stare at the image of you bound, gagged and imprisoned. Anger, as well as sorrow, well up inside of me at the thought of what those bastards did to you. What right did they have to judge you? What right did they have to force this punishment upon you? Did they even care about your reasoning! No, of course they didn't care. For them it was enough that you were a traitor… a murderer.
I will not lie to you, when you first turned to becoming a god; I questioned the means you took to get there. What bothered me was neither the fact that you betrayed all those around you nor the fact that you were going to kill hundreds of people. No… what bothered me the most was your reliance on that thing. The Hogyoku, the thing that you claimed could read and understand and act upon a person's heart and wish. If that were true than, why didn't it act upon my heart and what I wished for the most? You were right about one thing, the Hogyoku was alive… and far more than you could possibly imagine. You could not hear it, but I did; that dark sinister laughter that echoed all across my domain as the Hogyoku became the moon. You could not hear the condescending laughter as it forced transformation upon transformation upon you as you became drunk on its 'power'.
And for what? To gain the power to become a god and to kill another? But weren't my powers enough for you? Weren't we both powerful enough together? Wasn't I all you needed? Shouldn't I feel angry about the fact that you discarded me so easily? Shouldn't I resent you for abandoning me in favor of that thing? And look at what it did to you. Turning you into a horrid parody of what you wanted to become… and even striping you of all of your powers when it felt your usefulness had ended. You must think I've abandoned you… perhaps you really can't feel my presence any more. But that thing can't get rid of me; all it could do was make you think that I am no longer here. I should feel angry, about the fact that when you saw my katana form start to disappear you thought that you grew so strong that you didn't need me anymore. But I don't and I can't resent the fact that you abandoned me.
I can't because despite all your flaws, despite everything that you have done, I forgive you. I can forgive you because I love. I do not stop the sorrowful tears that fall down my face and splash into the lake, the ripples moving across your imprisoned image. Everyone else may have abandoned and left you, but not I. My feelings and thoughts might not be able to reach you, but I hope it is only because you have closed your heart to the rest of the world. And I hope, sometime during your imprisonment, that you remember that I am always with you and that I will always… truly… and deeply… love you. And when that time comes, perhaps you will finally see that… no, I'm tired of waiting. I wipe my tears away, holding my head high, and a new determination igniting within my emerald eyes.
I walk out onto the surface of the lake, my steps not even causing a ripple across the smooth surface. The slight mist which hugged the shore swirled around me as I ascended into the sky to be level with the moon of my domain. Or perhaps I should call it the Hogyoku, for indeed it never left. That thing could not simply take away the power it gave you, no, it just took it back and stored it away within itself. But now it will give me that power, and with that power I will manifest myself in the physical world and once there I will free you. I plunge my hand into the Hogyoku, drawing out the power it took from you. As much as I hate this thing for driving us apart, it does have its uses. The power courses through my body and a small part of me understands why you were so addicted to it. I can hear it, whispering in the back of my mind to draw on it more and more. And I nearly take all of the power and leaving you, only my love for you stops me from doing so. I pull my hand from it as I finish and walk away even as I disappear from my domain.
I reappear in the physical world in a swirl of mist before your imprisoned form, and I take a moment to regain my senses. It feels odd, to be in a physical form, since the one and only other time I was here was when you were mastering my bankai. My hand raises the katana you channeled my powers through, and I use it to cut away at your bindings. The katana disappears as I lean down, taking your face in my hands and tilting it up to look in your eyes. My emerald orbs stare into your own brown ones, giving you a few seconds to collect your thoughts. I barely hear you whisper my name as I press my lips gently against yours, yet you do not respond to the kiss… and I expected that. It does not truly bother me, just as I can feel some of the power I took from the Hogyoku return to you and I let it.
My hand runs through your now long hair as I break the kiss, pulling you with me as I straighten up. Looking up into your now silver eyes, I can not help but be lost in them as I had all those years ago. I turn the black abyss of the Garganta opening before us as my hand moves across the air. Stepping back, I slip my arm through yours, "Let us return to Las Noches and rule over the infinite sands of Hueco Mundo."
As the Garganta snaps shut behind us, I allow myself a small smile, for even though you never said anything, I know now… as I should have always known… that I am your queen.
http:/ wishcometrue .deviantart .com/ art/ Kyoka- Suigetsu- 190005451
The link is what a friend of mine drew for this story (copy and paste and remove the spaces). Once again I thank you! There's another link in my profile.
When I first thought of this story I had been thinking of the Muramasa anime arc. And with everything that had happened to Aizen, I had wondered what Kyoka Suigetsu felt during all of this. At first I wasn't going to have her free Aizen but I had felt like it was missing something. And now, with the way I ended it, it's much better.
Well, thank you for reading and please leave a review and tell me what you think.