A/N: SPN doesn't belong to me, blah blah blah. You can find me on AO3 and Tumblr under the same name (That's where I keep the smut). I love requests and feedback and just any human interaction. I'm so lonely.
Sam ran his hands through his hair and sighed in frustration. You stifled a giggle as he turned to glare at you.
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Ummmm, it seemed like a good idea at the time?"
Dean snorted before straightening out his face, folding his arms across his chest and giving you an expectant look.
"You know the rules."
"Yes, I know the rules." You rolled your eyes and leaned back in your chair.
"You know there are NEW rules now?" Sam sat in front of his laptop and prepared to type. "Now, why don't you tell us what the new rules are."
"Oh fine, be a buzzkill. Okay. I suppose new rule number one would be 'Do not tackle police officers when they attempt to take a dog from a homeless man."
"Very good, but that's only the beginning. What's next?" Sam paused in his typing to give you a meaningful look.
" Uh, New Rule two would be something along the lines of The names you may not refer to police officers as include, but are not limited to, Sergeant Slaughter, Captain Cuntface, Probationary Constable Puppy Kicker and Constable Killjoy."
Dean barked out a short laugh before composing his face again when Sam glared at him.
"Go on."
"New rule three: Do not order a variety of strap on sex toys from ebay while in the police station and offered to have them delivered to the officers with instructions attached for how exactly they would go about fucking themselves."
Dean gave up trying to maintain his straight face and was roaring with laughter by this point.
"Damnit Dean, you're just encouraging bad behaviour!" Sam snapped at his brother before turning back to you and motioning for you to continue.
"New rule four: I will not escape police custody only to round up as many stray animals as possible and release them into the station."
"New rule five: I will not declare myself the American Goddess of mistreated animals and accuse the police officers of heresy." You propped your legs up on the table, crossed them at the ankle and continued reciting your new rules.
"New rule six: I will not invite any existing archangels or angels to join me in my crusade for animal right." You grinned and nodded to Balthazar and Gabriel who were both leaning against the wall behind Sam, chuckling.
"New rule seven: I will not ask the aforementioned celestial beings to alter the police uniform guidelines to include a mandatory shock collar to be worn at all times that will automatically activate when officers are considering inflicting harm on another being."
"And finally?" Sam asked pointedly.
"I will not convince angelic beings to fly me to Vegas, partake in an impromptu wedding and form a new religion with the three of us revered as higher powers. Nor will I insist that our honeymoon involve liberating all the animals currently contained in metropolitan zoos. Oh, also, I shouldn't allow news teams to film the three of us consumating the marriage in the middle of Central Park whilst surrounded by lions, tigers and bears."
"Oh my." Sam stated, finally unable to control the twitching of his mouth.
"Are you done with our Goddess now, Sammy? The three of us have prayers to answer and all." Gabriel grinned, wandering over to your left hand side.
"Oh, for Heavens sake! SHE'S NOT A GODDESS. SHE'S A HUMAN HUNTER!" Sam yelled.
"She's a goddess to us" Balthazar winked, taking hold of your right arm before he and Gabriel whisked you away to continue your mission.