Author's Note: I do not own Gilmore Girls
This is a little bit sad, but I wanted to do something that starts of dark, but ends light. I hope you guys enjoy enough to review.
-LLG
Chapter One
"I'm very sorry Mrs. Mariano."
A young, pretty, and brown haired woman stood up, shaking hands with the doctor and smiling sadly up at him.
"It's alright. Thank you Dr. Sanderson." With that, Rory Mariano exited the clinic.
Rory and Jess Mariano lived in a medium sized house in Philadelphia. It was built in 1927, with a brick fireplace, a large front porch, a nice kitchen, and lots of bookshelves, good for the avid readers. As Rory gently ascended the steps, tears again welled in her large blue eyes. Visions of her old dreams danced in front of her, wisps of not yet memories fading from her grasp. She and Jess had been so excited, so ready, so, so…
So wanting. She skimmed her hands over the front door and walked inside, glancing forlornly at the white boarder of the living room wall. They had joked one night about marking height with a pen on that wall. She sighed and threw her bag onto a chair, slipping her jacket off and carefully sliding it into an empty place in their coat closet.
Rory walked out into the kitchen, opening a cabinet drawer and pulling out an apple, slowly slicing it and taking a bite. She had imagined making snacks. Giving kisses. Wrapping presents. She closed her eyes and for one moment, that she knew wouldn't be the last, pictured all of the things she had so wanted.
Teaching them to read. Having birthday parties. Watching them go to school for the first time. Nurturing their love of movies and television. Seeing their face for the first time. Holding them. She swallowed fiercely, imagining what she had wanted most of all. Watching Jess be a father.
With the impact of that moment, it hit Rory, more fiercely than it had done before. The tears that had been almost arriving since she left the clinic were finally released. She fell into a sitting position on the kitchen floor, tears streaming down her cheeks, her body wracked with sobs. Her shoulders shook, her chest heaved, as she tried to accept that she would never be a mother.
Suddenly, she heard a wrapping at her front door and let out a soft groan, heaving herself up off of the ground and wiping her cheeks, glancing frantically at her reflection in the microwave and deciding that she looked halfway decent. She couldn't tell anybody before she told Jess.
Walking briskly over to their front door she opened it, taking a deep breath as she did so. To her ever so slight happiness, she saw her longtime friend Paris standing outside.
"Hey!' She said with a smile, leaning forward to unlock the door.
"Hi Rory!" Paris said enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around her.
"It's been a while since I've seen you. What's been going on?" Paris smiled and Rory gave her an inquisitive stare.
"Well, I have some news, and I wanted to tell you in person, since it's kind of a big deal. Not really what you tell your best friend over the phone." Rory looked at her excitedly, eager to have an uplifting piece of news distract her from her own personal issues.
"Alright, just have a seat and you can tell me." Paris nodded and sat down on the couch, letting Rory shut the door and settle down opposite her before speaking.
"Well, I guess I'll just say it. Umm… I'm pregnant!" Rory's mouth opened and she forced herself to smile, stumbling on her congratulations.
"Oh… Umm… Wow, Paris, That's great, really… I mean… Wow!" Paris nodded, her own excitement clouding her friends obvious upset.
"I know! Doyle and I just weren't even planning this, but we found out and we're so excited." She gave Rory a pointed smile.
"I know you and Jess have been trying, so if that happens soon, our kids might grow up the same age." Nope. Rory couldn't handle that. Her smile disintegrated into tears once more, and Paris looked at her in shocked confusion, scooting closer to her on the couch.
"Rory?" Rory shook her head, sniffing in a desperate attempt to control herself.
"No… I'm… Just… So… Happy for you guys but… I just…" calming her breathing enough to look Paris in the eyes, she told her the news, knowing that at this level of tearfulness she couldn't pass it off as nothing.
"I went to the doctor today, and I have this problem with my uterus, so I can't ever get pregnant, or like, I have a 10% chance. Which, in the field of fertility, is like nothing." Paris's expression softened, and her mouth formed a small 'o', before she wrapped an arm around her and pulled her tightly, allowing Rory to cry against her chest.
Rory hated this. She hated it more than anything else that had ever happened to her. She had told Jess and Paris the first day, and before she knew it, her mother, Luke, two young siblings, grandparents, and every inhabitant in Stars Hollow were aware of her problem. She felt like she had a giant message spray painted all over her forehead, and a giant spotlight following her around ever where she went. Everyone, even her own husband, treated her like she was some moron, who had to be tiptoed around. It was absurd. Because she had a disappointment in her life didn't equate to everyone acting like they were acting on eggshells. Or at least she thought it didn't.
"Hey." Rory was snapped out of her angered stewing by the sound of her husband's voice.
"What?" She said, still annoyed from the previous incidents that day. Sitting down next to her Jess looked at her and took her hand.
"I'm… I'm sorry Ror. I think I've been treating you like this fragile little thing, but I know you're tougher then I am. I think I've… overdone it." Looking at him she nodded.
"I'm a Gilmore. I'll be fine no matter what happens, and I want you to acknowledge that." Nodding, Jess caressed her arm and she slowly began to relax.
"By trying to help you, I think I was helping myself." Rory sighed, tightening her grip on his hand.
"I'm just really sad Rory. I wanted to have a baby." Wiping furious tears from her eyes Rory nodded.
"I wanted that too Jess. But every day that someone says how sorry they are, and reminds me of the fact that we can't ever have a child, the more that I am reminded of how much of a massive failure that I am." Looking at her incredulously, Jess put his hand on her cheek.
"What did you just say?" Rory blinked back tears.
"I failed you. I failed my mom. If you were with somebody else, you could have a baby, and if this thing wasn't wrong with me, mom would have a grandchild, but now she can't, and you can't." Rory gulped and let a tear loose as her emotions flowed more freely through her.
"I'm, so afraid now, that since we can't ever have a baby, that you'll leave me, or that mom will hate me, or grandma, or something, and I just… For once in my life I can't fix this, I can't be the girl that 'gets better' or that's 'amazing' at something. I can't fix what's wrong with me, and I hate being reminded of that" She was fully crying at this point, and Jess sat speechless as she continued.
"I just don't want to lose you because I failed you." At this last statement, Jess forced her to look at him, tears sparkling in his own eyes.
"You have NOT failed me. I love you, and you love me, and we will always stay together, whether or not we have no babies, or twenty. I love you so much Rory, and I would never leave you because of something so far from your control." Leaning forward, they shared a tear soaked, painful, but fulfilling kiss. Rory curled up against him and sighed into his chest, allowing bitter disappointment and anger to flow through her, all while trying to convince herself that she was protected.