AN:
So, I've been wanting to write this since I finished "The Woes of a Matchmaker" and finally got around to it. This is actually more of a prequel than a sequel — and you really don't need to read my other fic to understand this one, but I just thought I'd let you know that it's set in the same universe.
Enjoy!
...
For a while, Fugaku wasn't sure that he'd heard correctly. Then, when he decided that his hearing had never failed him before, so it'd be silly to assume it'd start doing so now, he decided that this had to be a joke. He wanted to believe this was a joke.
Then he remembered exactly who he was talking to, and for the first time ever (and he'd definitely curse himself for thinking this later), he wished that Itachi was more like Naruto. Because if his son was even remotely like that blonde idiot, then at least he could wholeheartedly fool himself into believing that this whole thing was a prank.
His son was nothing like Naruto Namikaze. And while he would usually thank the Heavens for that, right now he just felt the urge to weep. Because Itachi didn't joke around, and that meant that this awful situation was real.
His eldest son was DATING that hulking, blue haired, tattooed freak.
"Holy shit," the freak in question — Kisame, Fugaku thought in disgust — breathed, sounding almost gleeful, "he looks like he's going to puke."
Fugaku pinched himself. Nothing. So this wasn't a nightmare either.
'Dammit.'
Not a mistake. Not a joke. Not a nightmare.
Which meant…
"…You! Get the hell out of my house!"
"Here it comes!" Kisame said, grinning.
Itachi glanced at him incredulously. "Kisame, really?"
"What?" Kisame said defensively. "I've always wanted the angry-overprotective-parent experience. So far, everyone I've ever dated has had really fucked up parents — one even tried to get me to ditch their kid, and date them instead. The closest I've ever come to it is when my ex-girlfriend's dad nearly hit me with his car — but then he apologised before I could get too excited, and begged me to take his kid away. Apparently she was a 'serious problem child' — he gave me this huge rundown over cake and tea. It was a huge disappointment."
"Why are you bring this up now?"
Fugaku seriously needed to do something. This was getting ridiculous. Itachi could not be serious about this. This had to be a huge mistake, and as soon as that hulking, blue-haired idiot was out of his house, Fugaku would be telling Itachi exactly what he thought about all this.
Beside him, Mikoto was staring at the two, her eyes wide. She was obviously as uncomfortable as he was, but she managed to hide it well.
"So you two are…well this is a surprise," she said, with a slight strain in her voice.
Fugaku was less diplomatic.
"No!"
Mikoto ignored him, staring between their son and his boyfriend. "However…I'm sorry, Itachi has never brought anyone home before. This is a new experience."
Kisame nodded. "Oh I bet, Mrs. Uchiha."
"NO!"
Itachi frowned. "Dad — "
"No, no, NO! You! You — punk!"
Kisame watched silently, struggling to hold back a grin. It was obvious that the only thing that stopped him from downright exploding in laughter were the furious glances Itachi was shooting him.
Mikoto turned to her husband. "Fugaku — "
"Out!"
Itachi sighed, and had the gall to shoot Fugaku a look of disappointment. "Dad," he said, "this is very inappropriate."
Fugaku scoffed. Inappropriate? "What is inappropriate is this relationship!"
"Fugaku, you are being ridiculous!" Mikoto said, glancing at him disapprovingly. She then turned to Kisame, and gave him her best smile (his wife had always been a better actor than him). "Kisame, please sit down."
Kisame waved her off with a quick hand gesture. "Oh, I don't know. Mr. Uchiha doesn't seem happy about that."
Itachi sighed. "Kisame, for the love of god, stop smiling."
"Shit, it's still there? I was trying really hard to look sympathetic."
Mikoto's smile twitched — obviously, even the best actors had their limits. Fugaku shot her a look that was half pleading/half crazed, and Mikoto nodded at Itachi, her eyes conveying a silent message.
Itachi sighed, and tugged on Kisame's arm. "Come on, let's go."
"What already — " Itachi shot Kisame a look (one that reminded him so much of Mikoto that Fugaku would have felt proud if this was any other situation), and the taller male immediately froze, and quickly nodded his head. "Yeah, let's go — nice seeing you again, Mr and Mrs. Uchiha."
"You too, Kisame," Mikoto said. She sounded relieved that he was leaving.
Fugaku simply gritted his teeth.
...
"That bastard! That damn blue bastard!"
Needless to say, Fugaku was not happy about this. At all.
"Fugaku — are you drunk?!" Mikoto stood in the doorway of his study, hands planted firmly on her hips, and a look on her face that resembled the one Itachi had given Kisame. Basically, it spelt danger for Fugaku, and even in his inebriated state he could sense that he was seriously screwed.
Of course, he wasn't sober to do the smart thing and shut the hell up, so this really didn't do much good for him.
"That fuckin'…Mikoto, I swear, I shoulda punched 'im in the face, I shoulda gotten him real good."
"Fugaku…" Mikoto's eyes narrowed threateningly.
" — tha's my little boy Mikoto! Tha' punk — he's defiling my little boy!"
"Alright, that's enough!" Mikoto snapped. "This is ridiculous — I can't say I'm pleased about this, but you don't see me — "
"M' gonna call 'im up an' tell 'im…tell 'im…" He struggled to get his thoughts together, while his wife stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and exasperation. "M' gonna punch him real 'ard, and then he'll cry…and…and…"
"Fugaku — "
"…Make him fight for Itachi's honour! He'll lose, o' course, cos…cos he's the bad guy, an' in movies, the bad guy always loses…ha! Stupid blue bastard…"
Sasuke, who had been walking past, stopped by the open doorway, and shot his father a wide eyed look.
"Mom," he said, after a moment of staring, and trying to process exactly what he was seeing, "what's wrong with dad?"
"Dinner with Naruto's parents," she said easily.
Sasuke nodded in acceptance. "Right. That makes sense."
(Fugaku really didn't like Naruto's parents).
He walked away. Once he was gone, the pleasant smile faded from Mikoto's face, and she shot Fugaku a menacing stare. "Right. Fugaku, you are going to bed right now, and you will sleep this off."
Fugaku ignored her, too busy reminiscing of the days when Itachi was young and innocent, and did whatever his father told him to do.
"Fugaku!"
However, even in his drunken state, he still had his self-preservation instincts in tact, and the dangerous expression on his wife's face was always a bad sign. So, with an unsteady nod, he got up and staggered out of the room.
...
Fugaku did not like Kisame. A killer hangover, and a number of harsh glares from his wife, had not changed that in the least, and as he picked up the empty bottles from his office, he went through a list of all the reasons why he disliked the younger male.
Kisame had blue hair. And tattoos. And, physical issues aside, the teen was brash, and rude, and arrogant, and everything Fugaku didn't want in a person associating with his son, let alone dating him.
Not to mention, he was probably on drugs. Dammit, why had he never given Itachi the 'don't do drugs' talk? He'd given it to Sasuke, because Sasuke was obviously in danger of bad influences, what with Naruto Namikaze's constant unwanted presence. But Itachi? No, his eldest son had always been too smart for that.
Fugaku had also thought Itachi was too smart to date someone like Kisame, but clearly that wasn't the case.
He probably would have internally ranted and raved for a while longer, but Mikoto was standing in the doorway, her hands on her hips, and that was never a good sign.
...
Dinner with the Namikazes was usually the downside of Fugaku's week. To put it lightly, he did not like Kushina and Minato Namikaze. At all.
Mikoto however did like them. Kushina was her best friend after all, and Minato was the husband of said best friend, and his wife was probably too kind to notice how absolutely insane they both were (and maybe Fugaku was just a bit blind to the fact that his wife could be just as crazy as Kushina when she wanted to be).
That meant that Fugaku was plagued with these frequent 'double dates', and any amount of complaining would just earn him that look from his wife. So he went along with it. But that did not mean he had to be happy about this.
"Okay — how about this one? It's the perfect couples name, I'm telling you — Isame."
(And today it was even worse than usual, because Kushina would not shut up about Itachi and Kisame).
Mikoto raised an eyebrow. "You just took the 'K' out of Kisame's name."
"No I didn't!" Kushina protested. "I took the K and I out of Kisame's name, and added in the I from Itachi's!"
Fugaku's fists clenched under the table, and he wondered if there was a way he could prematurely end this evening. Perhaps he could lie and say there was a family emergency. His mother had called him, and had told him she was in the hospital…he was sure she'd forgive him for the lie (well, probably not, but there were more important things at stake than his relationship with his mother. Like his sanity).
"So what do you think of it? Itachi dating that guy?"
Mikoto opened her mouth to answer, but Fugaku cut in before she could. After all, Mikoto would probably answer with the truth — she wouldn't lie to Kushina — and there was no way Fugaku was letting these idiots see him at his worst.
"I am completely supportive of this," he said.
Mikoto shot him an incredulous glance.
"Yes," Fugaku continued, in what he hoped was a convincing voice, "Itachi has always been responsible. I trust him completely."
Kushina nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, Itachi's the best! I always tell Naruto — kid, you should act more like your Itachi nii-san!"
Fugaku nodded his head calmly, while thinking, 'he's not your brat's damn nii-san.' "Yes, well, Itachi approves of Kisame, so I am willing to trust his judgement."
"…Yeah. What he said." Mikoto shot Kushina a glance, and while Fugaku had no idea what this meant, it roughly translated to, "we really need to talk about this later. Probably with copious amounts of alcohol and chocolate."
(Because it was totally okay for her to act that way in the presence of her BFF).
"Wow Fugaku, that's so great of you!" Minato gushed. "Itachi is so lucky to have such accepting parents. I mean, if Naruto was dating someone like that, I'd freak out! Now, I'm sure he's a great guy, but any parent would freak out over all those tattoos, and that hair, and — "
Fugaku's eye twitched."Yes. I'm very accepting."
Minto grinned. "I know! That's why we make such great friends — hey Fugaku, I think you have something in your eye."
Fugaku's eye twitched again.
...
That night, are Fugaku lay in bed, he silently cursed Kisame. He was lying next to his beautiful wife; the last thing he should have been thinking about was his son's love life.
(Which should have been his son's non-existent love life).
"Mikoto."
"Yes?" Mikoto put down the history book she'd been reading (which actually had the latest Icha Icha novel hidden inside — not that Fugaku knew this. Mikoto had an image to maintain, after all).
Fugaku stared blankly at the ceiling for a few moments. "I'm in two minds about our children," he said at last.
Mikoto smiled supportively at her husband. Internally, she bit back a sigh, and decided that she and Kushina should have consumed way more chocolate and alcohol. "And what are they?"
"Well the first one…we could abandon Sasuke and Itachi in the wild."
Mikoto blinked. "…What?"
Fugaku let out a frustrated sigh, and shook his head. "I know Itachi is the problem here, but…Sasuke is getting far too close to Naruto. I don't like the implications."
Mikoto continued to stare, her lips parted slightly.
"And then we go on with our lives, and pretend they never existed."
And that did it. Mikoto shook off her stupor, and snapped, "Fugaku — no."
Fugaku frowned, seemingly unbothered by his wife's reaction. "Second option," he continued, "we have another child, and spend the rest of their lives hunting down the perfect person to marry them off to."
"…Okay, that's it."
...
"Mikoto, you can't do this!"
"The hell I can't!" Mikoto snapped, ignoring her husband's protests. "I have had to deal with your ridiculous behaviour ever since you found out about Itachi and Kisame, and I refuse to do so any longer!"
"I hardly see how this will help!" Fugaku protested.
Mikoto glared. "You're going to spend some time with Kisame, and get to know him."
"You don't even like him!"
"Yes, but I am better at hiding it than you! So suck it up, go on your fishing trip, and find a way to deal with it, or you will be sleeping on the couch until you do!"
Fugaku's mouth shut with an audible click.
Fine — he'd go on the damn fishing trip, if only to appease Mikoto. But it was a fruitless effort. He would not be warming up to Kisame. He knew enough about the teen to know that he didn't like him, and enough to know that he was the absolute wrong person for Itachi.
The door opened, and Kisame walked in, following by a tense Itachi. In contrast, Kisame looked completely unruffled, shooting Fugaku and Mikoto a lazy grin. "Hey Mr. Uchiha, Mrs. Uchiha. Ready to leave yet?"
Itachi stood apprehensively next to his boyfriend. He'd already warned Kisame that he was not to go out of his way to annoy Fugaku, but…well. This was Kisame. And Kisame and rules didn't exactly go well together.
...
Anyone normal teen would be terrified at the prospect of spending an entire day with their significant other's father. Especially when said father hated their guts.
Kisame's reaction to the 'bonding trip' that Mikoto had organised was sheer and utter excitement.
"This is going to be awesome!"
Itachi sighed. "Kisame — "
"This is going to be so, so awesome…"
"My dad hates you," Itachi reminded him.
"I know!" Kisame replied, his voice gleeful.
Itachi opened his mouth, and then closed it a moment later, shaking his head. "Just don't annoy him too much," he said with a sigh. "My father is getting old, after all, and I do like him alive."
Kisame smiled. "No promises."
Itachi's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"…Whatever you say."
(Because of all the things Itachi had inherited from Mikoto, the look was probably his favourite).
Itachi smiled, and nodded approvingly.
"Do I get a kiss now?" Kisame asked hopefully. Itachi raised one eyebrow, but complied, leaning forward to press his lips against his boyfriend's.
They pulled apart, and smiled at each other.
"…Could we do that in front of your parents?"
And there went the moment.
"Because I seriously — okay fine! Sheesh Itachi, I was just kidding!"
...
Needless to say, Itachi wasn't exactly confident about Kisame's ability to behave himself.
"Alright!" Kisame said, grinning. "Well, I'm ready whenever you are. By the way, fishing — great bonding activity. I love it. Must have been your idea, eh, Mr. Uchiha? Brains must run in the family."
Itachi stared at him disbelievingly.
Fugaku glared. "It was my wife's idea."
Kisame, as usual, seemed unruffled at Fugaku's obvious dislike of him. He turned to Mikoto, and smiled. "So, beautiful and smart, huh? I guess that's where Itachi gets it from."
Mikoto flushed, and Itachi rolled his eyes.
Fugaku's scowl deepened. "Are you flirting with my wife?!"
"…I desperately want to say yes."
"Kisame!" Itachi snapped.
"Shit, did I say that out loud?" Kisame's voice oozed with insincerity. "Sorry Mr. Uchiha, I'll try to hold myself back. Itachi warned me that you were getting old, and I don't want you going into cardiac arrest or anything."
Itachi's eyes widened in mortification. He shot his boyfriend a disbelieving stare, and Kisame shrugged lightly.
Mikoto let out a choking noise, and Fugaku realised that she was struggling to hold back a laugh. He turned to her, stunned by the betrayal, and decided that the world was definitely out to get him.
...
It was dead silent as they sat in the boat together, with Fugaku pointedly ignoring the other's gaze. He was fairly sure that this wasn't what Mikoto had intended when she'd organised this trip, but…well. Fugaku didn't like Kisame, and he after this, he was pretty sure he didn't like fishing, but he'd gone along with it anyway.
"…I think we should be talking right now."
'Shut up,' Fugaku thought. He liked the silence. It was the one thing he did like about this entire trip, and he was not going to let Kisame destroy that.
"Seriously," Kisame continued, since he apparently liked making Fugaku's life a living hell, "I think that's the whole point of this bonding exercise. At least I'm pretty sure that's what's supposed to happen. I've never actually gone on a fishing trip with someone else's dad…"
Fugaku stared intently at the water. He couldn't see any fish, and he forced himself to remain calm. Just one fish…just one damn fish, that was all he needed. And then he could go home, and he'd have some proof that this trip hadn't been an entire waste, which would appease Mikoto (he hoped — he desperately hoped. The couch wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, after all).
This would be a lot easier if Kisame just stopped talking.
"— the closest is when I was dating this girl, and I walked past her mom's room, and she was having sex with someone who definitely wasn't her husband. And then she asked me if I wanted to join in."
Fugaku choked. "Excuse me?!"
"…I said no. In case you were wondering. Because I have morals and shit." Kisame nodded, pleased with himself.
Fugaku's eye twitched. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
"…Look, I told Itachi I'd try. I'm not good at this whole 'sucking up to the parents' thing." Kisame shrugged, and then glanced briefly at the water. "Hey, I think there's a fish — oh you just lost it."
Fugaku ignored him. "What are you intensions towards my son?!"
Kisame's brow furrowed. "Kind of stupid question," he said. "It's kind of obvious what my intentions are."
"Well let's just pretend that they aren't," Fugaku snapped. "Why the hell are you dating my son?!"
"Because I like Itachi. A lot." Kisame shrugged. "And when you like someone a lot, you date them."
Fugaku was this close to punching the teen. What stopped him was the thought of Mikoto's glaring face, and the realisation that the long, painful hours he'd wasted on this trip would have all been for nothing.
He could do this. This was just one annoying, arrogant teen, and if he had dealt with the mind numbing frustration brought about by Minato, Kushina and Naruto Namikaze for years, he could sure as hell handle this.
"I'm not an idiot," Fugaku said, scowling. "And I don't know why you and my son are together. You're complete opposites. Itachi is smart, respectable, and has good future prospects. You…"
'Are a complete idiot, with NO respect, and a future career as a drug dealer.'
"…are not."
No one could say he hadn't tried.
"Ouch," Kisame said, sounding almost bored.
Fugaku glared.
...
"So have you put your differences behind you?" Mikoto asked later that night. And it wasn't just out of hope that Fugaku would cease his erratic behaviour and start acting normal again (well, as normal as anyone in their family could be); if Fugaku of all people could find something to like about Kisame, then that meant Mikoto could stop worrying about Itachi. After all, Kisame wasn't exactly the ideal boyfriend she'd have picked for her son.
(Now Naruto and Sasuke on the other hand…that would be happening at some point in the near future, even if she and Kushina had to intervene).
"No," Fugaku told her glumly, and Mikoto decided he'd been punished enough.
Fugaku's day may have been horrible, but at least his night made it all worth it (…for the most part. Not that he'd be saying that to Mikoto).
...
"So," Itachi said the next day, as he walked beside Kisame, "did you and my dad put your differences behind you?"
Fugaku had been incredibly calm that morning, almost deceptively so, and Itachi honestly wasn't sure what to think.
Kisame thought for a moment. "…Sure."
Itachi stared at him for a moment, and then sighed quietly. Yeah — as if that was going to be happening anytime soon.
...
For a while, Fugaku considered breaking them up. Never mind he didn't actually know how to do that; he was sure, once he set his mind to it, his determination would see him through.
Setting Itachi up with someone else would probably be the easiest option, but as soon as he thought of this, Fugaku realised that he knew absolutely no self-respecting people who fit this criteria.
Itachi's friends were all insane. Fugaku had seen enough of people like Deidara, Tobi and Hidan over the years to realise that they were more trouble than they were worth. And most likely future serial killers.
Itachi got along well with Kakashi Hatake, but there was no way Fugaku was encouraging that — Kakashi wasn't just a pervert (what self-respecting person read books like that at all, let alone in public?), he was also an honorary Namikaze, and — no. Fugaku had enough Namikazes in his life.
So yes. Fugaku knew absolutely no self-respecting people he could set Itachi up with, other than members of his own extended family, which were out for obvious reasons.
(Although, the horrifying thing was, for a moment Fugaku had actually considered it).
...
In the end, Fugaku did end up accepting Kisame (well, as much as he possibly could without actually liking him), for the sheer fact that Kisame was better than the alternatives.
And wasn't that a horrifying thought?
He came to this conclusion while he, Mikoto, and Itachi had been strolling though the local shopping centre (Mikoto was determined to find them new suits for his brother's birthday party, despite Itachi and Fugaku's protests. Neither were huge fans of shopping), and had the unfortunate pleasure of bumping into one of Itachi's ex-boyfriends.
Because his son had ex-boyfriends, apparently. Not that Fugaku had known anything about this.
They spent a few minutes chatting with the teen, who Fugaku had dubbed "Asshole". Itachi had already introduced Asshole, but Fugaku couldn't bring himself to remember his name. Besides, Asshole had the gall to call his son 'babe', so Fugaku thought the nickname was justified.
Itachi sighed, and reminded Asshole, for about the third time, that they were no longer dating.
Asshole didn't seem to care.
He turned his head, glancing at Fugaku, and his eyebrows raised. Giving Fugaku an almost challenging stare, he said, "Oh, is that your boyfriend?"
Fugaku blanched.
"Wha — no!" Itachi spluttered, justifiably horrified. "That's my dad!"
"Really?" Asshole squinted. "Hmm…don't see much family resemblance."
Fugaku stared at him, incredulous.
Itachi gestured at Mikoto, his cheeks flushed. "Who did you think she was, if he was my — " He broke off, shuddering, unable to finish his sentence.
Asshole glanced lazily at Mikoto. "…His wife?"
Fugaku felt that familiar eye-twitch, and realised, with sudden and extreme dread, that this was so much worse than Kisame.
...
As soon as Itachi's ex has walked away, it was Mikoto who latched onto their son, and yelled, "okay, what the hell was that?"
"Ah…" Itachi rubbed the back of his neck, and averted his gaze. "I…dated him for a bit."
Mikoto and Fugaku gaped, as if they hadn't already figured that out.
"Not for long!" Itachi added quickly. "It lasted about two weeks, and it would have been a lot shorter if he hadn't been so clingy." His parents continued to stare. "…And he honestly didn't seem that bad, until about two days in."
"Itachi," Mikoto said, frowning, "I wasn't aware that you'd…dated in the past."
"Hmm?" Itachi blinked. "Oh yes, there's been quite a few."
"…Quite a few," Mikoto repeated.
Itachi nodded. "Yes. We weren't that serious though, so I didn't bother introducing any of them to you. And that was probably a good idea…none of them were really the type of people you bring home." He laughed awkwardly.
"Oh?" Mikoto's voice was strained.
"Yeah…" Itachi's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Kisame and I…it's the first relationship that's really worked out." He smiled slightly.
Fugaku was too busy staring at his son, mouth hanging open, to notice this. All he could think was — Itachi thought Kisame was the type of person you introduced to your parents. If he thought Kisame was that type of person…
…what the absolute HELL?!
What kind of people had Itachi been dating?!
And how had he not known about any of this?!
As Mikoto continued to interrogate Itachi, with barely-restrained disbelief in her voice, Fugaku realised (much to his horror) that it could have been a lot worse than Kisame. It could have been so much worse.
...
In the end, Fugaku decided that he'd put up with Kisame, if only for the fact that Kisame was better than Asshole, and whatever other lunatics Itachi had been dating in the past.
He told Mikoto this, and she simply nodded her head, a numb expression on her face.
(Later on, she called Kushina, and announced that they needed to do something about Naruto and Sasuke now. Because apparently her sons had no common sense when it came to romance, and if Sasuke was anything like Itachi, then he couldn't be trusted with his own future. Kushina, who really liked the idea of being a matchmaker, and who was more than a little bored, agreed wholeheartedly).
...
"So," Kisame told Itachi, as they walked hand-in-hand to class (both thought hand-holding was a little corny, but it freaked out their peers and teachers, who were horrified at the thought of two members of their crazy little group of friends dating each other), "I came over to your place yesterday, and your dad didn't look like he was thinking about my death. What the hell was that about?"
Itachi shrugged. "I think he might have gotten over it."
"Oh," Kisame said, sounding disappointed.
...
AN:
So yeah, hopefully you enjoyed that! And Modern AU's are surprisingly fun to write...I'm probably going to end up writing more for this universe (with other pairings as well, and I want to do more SasuNaru).
But yeah, like I said before, this is more of a prequel to The Woes of a Matchmaker (and includes some of the things mentioned in that fic) but you can also read this by itself.
Thanks for reading! :)