CH. 1. Leaving

"Alice is gone?" Her voice was shockingly bland. There was no emotion in it other than disbelief. I knew I needed to make her let go. I didn't want her to hate Alice not for something I was going to do.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I wanted to tell her that Alice almost killed me over this decision, but it was mine to make and she had to honor me in that. I heard Bella's breathe come in short and fast I wanted to reach out to her. To make sure she would be alright. But I didn't. I stood in front of her as still and as uncaring as a statue while I saw how she felt like her whole world stopped making sense. If there was one thought in my mind that she would not be okay after this I would not be leaving, but Bella is strong I told myself time and time again. She will be sad for a while but human minds when trying to cope push out the memories that might cause harm. Then Bella would recover and find someone else better for her than I could ever be and move on. I just hoped it was not the God forsaken Mike Newton.

"Goodbye, Bella." I made sure my voice was resigned and peaceful. Nothing about me would make her think I still needed her like she needed air to breathe.

I almost lost control of my charade when I heard her choke out a weak, "Wait!" and then she reached for me. I knew that when she saw me respond my reaching out to hold her in place she had a glimmer of hope that she somehow got through to me. That made saying goodbye just so much harder. I knew I would be breaking her heart. I knew she would one day hate me for it but I was the price I would pay to give her the life she deserved.

She would never know how when I pressed my lips against her forehead for the briefest second my world crumbled down around me. If I could still cry she would have felt a tear hit her cheek I am sure of it. But in the quickest of seconds my last contact to Bella Swan was over I whispered a simple, "Take care of yourself" against her cheek, then I took off not looking back, afraid if I did I would not be able to keep going.

I was running as fast as I could. I reached the city limits of forks and before I knew it I was safely in Canada. I was planning to stop outside of Seattle to clear my head and wait till morning so I could be somewhat close to Bella at least for one more night. Now that I was in Canada I could not will myself to go back. I sat down or a more actuate statement would be I collapsed. My legs just gave out. So there I lay just staring at the sky. I watched it go from a cloudy afternoon to a beautiful sunset to a peaceful starry night.

I stared at the stars for only a short while in my terms but must have been several hours for the sun were starting to rise once more. I knew where I wanted to be more than anything and that was with Bella my Bella. I scolded myself for thinking that. I left her for a good reason, so she could be better, happier, and more normal. I was hurting her and impairing her whenever I was around. I would not do that anymore to her. I had to let her move on and live out the rest of her life as a normal human would.

While thinking about this I started walking, not running, just walking. I had the rest of my existents' to live out alone I would surly take my time living it. As I was walking my mind since it can hold onto many thoughts at once was both thinking about what to do next, a much easier train of thought, while another part went back to the day when I nearly lost my Bella. The day James had almost killed her. This hurt almost tripled that hurt. For I knew back then what I still know now, if Bella Swan was to ever die I would follow swiftly after. Even though I chose for both of us a life apart from each other I would not live in a world where she did not exist.

The difference was clear in my head but to others like Alice it had to be spelled out for her, I remember that conversation like it happened mere moments ago. When in fact it happened a few minutes after she realized that I had realized how in love with Bella Swan I was becoming.

"Edward you do realize you are being extremely unfair!" I grimaced at her internal shouting. I remember that we were all still gathered around the "kitchen" table discussing what was to be done about Bella. They all knew my side and where I stood, likewise we all understood Jaspers side. I was trying to defuse the situation before it got too bad, but that was before Alice started to throw these metal pictures into my head. One after another, pictures of Bella and I holding hands, hugging, kissing, then the worst two of all Bella pale white and ice cold with red eyes that belong to evil itself. The last one if it was even possible was worse. Alice had actually seen a vision of me with blood smeared all of my face holding a limp Bella in my arms, completely drained of blood.

"Either you will kill her one day Edward or she will become like us. I see no third option." Alice stared earnestly into my eyes begging me to see this the way she did.

The thing was I did see it through her eyes I had no choice. Did I want to spend my forever with Bella of course there is nothing I have ever wanted and will ever want more. That is why I left her. I would not be the reason for her soul to be taken away from her. I would not damn her to an endless day. I would provide her with the escape that she would never ask for on her own.

"Edward I think you are being selfish Bella will want to meet me. We are going to be best friends. You cannot take her away from me!" I glared at Alice

"You will not go near her Alice. I will not have her involved in this. If I can stay away from Bella so can you!" That got the rest of the rooms' attention. Alice and I could carry out conversations pretty well in our heads as long as I did not really need to speak.

"What are you and Alice talking about?" Emmett's impatient voice roared. "It's not fair if you two are carrying on a mental conversation. Need to take an extra step to help out the mutes out here." Emmett always had and still has a way to make the most awkward conversations a little less awkward.

"Don't you see Emmett; our Edward here has fallen in love with the Swan girl."

"Rosalie…" Jasper tried to calm her down for even I could see how upset she was getting. When Rosalie is upset you better run and take cover.

"Oh shut it Jasper I am fine. But how could you Edward! You will put us all at risk for a mere and fragile human girl, a less than average one at that." I remember attempting to jump across the table at her baring my teeth and hissing at her. I also remember Emmett tackling me. Then Carlisle being like always a father figure gave me this advice; "Edward you have been alone a very long time, Esme and I have always worried and wondered when you would find your soul mate. I hate to say but I began to think that maybe I cheated death with you and with our whole family so death was going to punish you by not giving you your soul mate. I realize now I was wrong, but Edward I still think death is punishing you. Why maybe it is because of the past mistakes you still haven't fully forgiven yourself for…" Then Esme ran up hearing mine and Carlisle's conversation said this before he could go on anymore,

"Edward I do not know why this has happened to you but I know that it would only happen to you because you are the only one who would know the right thing to do."

I know Esme did not think this, me leaving Bella, was at all the right thing to do. It was my only option though. Carlisle did not have to deal with the thought of taking some ones soul away because he saved us from death. I would not being doing that for Bella. I would be taking away her soul not to save her but to keep her for my selfish wants.

I kicked my memories out of my mind I could not bear to keep thinking about Bella it hurt too much. It made my nonexistent heart throb as if huge holes had been torn out of it. It was an extremely good thing that I did not need to breathe because if I did I knew I would be gasping. I needed to get my mind away from everything Bella related.

To do that I began to run again, I needed to go faster so fast that when I stopped to see where I was I would be hundreds of hundreds of miles away from Bella.