Hello my wonderful readers!lol. This oneshot is a part of Unlikely Attractions and is more geared towards the relationship she has with her dad/ family. The song is Perfect by Simple Plan. I do not own the song, I only own Shay. Please go vote on my poll and please read, review, and enjoy:) Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along
She knew this wasn't what he had planned, she knew she didn't go as planned. A sharp inhale of breath passed her lips and she shut her eyes for just a moment, thinking and replaying the question that had burned in her mind. Opening her eyes, she saw him. Saw him sitting with TJ, Nattie, and DH, laughing as they caught up, reminiscing on the past, as past she hardly considered herself a part of. They sat there, so ignorant to the fact that she wasn't there, not that they expected her to be. Her absence was miniscule to them and she nodded, confirming her decision to finally unleash the feelings that had built up, the pent up frustrations and questions she longed to know the answer to.
An arm encircled around her waist and she let go of the breath she had been holding. She felt it go, carrying away the stress and everything that held her back from doing what she needed to do. Glancing up at the man that held her close, she smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "J-Johnny…"
"Go, it's alright, Sunshine, I'll wait here." John smiled, kissing her forehead as he swept away a lock of hair. And he did, he took a seat and let her go on her own, walking precariously to the table that harbored the family she had become estranged from. As she approached, the laughter died down to silence and the long haired brunette turned his attention to his food. Shay closed her eyes for another second, almost second guessing her decision, but ultimately went with it.
The man sitting next to DH, but across from TJ and Nattie smiled, but it wasn't directed towards the blond woman standing mere inches away. He didn't look at her, didn't acknowledge her presence and she found it increasingly hard to believe that that man was indeed her father. Bret 'The Hitman' Hart, the man who helped revolutionize wrestling, and ultimately dragging Canada under its influence. She wanted him to glance up, smile and tell her that he loved her, that he was happy that she was in the WWE, getting closer and closer to becoming a champion. It was wishful thinking, his gaze didn't even stray away from his food. The simply mundane gesture just confirmed her thoughts; he disapproved, just like he had all along.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
No one at the table spoke, a silence had fallen over them, encasing them in a solitary world separated from that of the normal one. Catering was loud, but it fell to a faint echo around them, as if it wasn't there and the only people around were the five of them. Brushing hair away from her face, Shay's eyebrows furrowed slightly before relaxing as she grabbed a chair and sat on it backwards, letting her arms rest against the top of the backrest.
She couldn't begin to fathom why he disapproved, why most of her family disapproved. Everything she did was cast aside, every achievement, award…it all didn't hold a candle to the hectic life they lived. Her dad was always gone, every now and then he'd bring her with him, even though she knew it was to show her the bad side of wrestling, to discourage her from joining in. Shay used to think that maybe, if her dad would find out that she was succeeding in the business, without the aide of the Hart Dynasty, then maybe he'd be proud of her. Maybe he'd give her praise for being her own person and living her life the way she wanted to. All she wanted was to make him proud, make him acknowledge and respect her the way he did every single person who went through the Dungeon.
She tried hard to make him notice, she tried to make him care and be proud of her. Hours and hours of wondering what she had to do to earn praise. But it seemed that no matter what she did, she just wasn't good enough. Her efforts just were just good enough to even come close. It seemed to her that she'd never rise up to her father's expectations, and she had learned to accept that fact. She had learned to accept it; and she wasn't going to pretend she was alright with it. Before, she could just brush it off, but now, it had become so profound and outrageous that she couldn't bear it anymore. She just couldn't pretend that she was alright, when she really just wanted to scream and plead, begging for the answers to why he didn't seem to care, she just couldn't change who she was.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
They lost whatever father/daughter relationship they had long ago. The specific end was something she couldn't quite pinpoint, but it was definitely there. Nothing lasted forever, eventually everything died, fading into the background until it became nothing more than a muted memory, played back rarely and gathering dust somewhere back in the sands of time. Their relationship was far from perfect, and set in stone. There wasn't any going back, it was over, collapsed like and old house who's foundation eventually gave way after many years of damage. It was far too late and a small part of her was sorry, sorry that she couldn't have done something to salvage what little they had, sorry that she just couldn't be perfect.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
Shay tapped her fingers rhythmically, recalling a familiar beat of a song playing faintly in the back of her mind as she sat, waiting for her father to look at her. Still, his gaze didn't rest on her, it danced around the room, to DH, to Nattie and TJ, but never her. Even now she could see the fondness that glimmered in his eye as he looked at the three, all decked out in the clichéd pink and black, but it never rested on her. No, never her.
She took in a breath, shutting the pain she felt out, yet it always seeped back in, soaking into her mind and taunting her. Didn't he understand that he used to mean so much to her? The man who sat ignorantly just mere inches away used to be her hero, someone she looked up to as the person who had all the answers. The person who could vanquish any demons, slay any dragon and emit an aura of golden light so bright that it cast off the shadows that ebbed across her path. He used to mean the world to her, her last thread to hold on to whenever things got bad for her, he used to be her safety net.
Now, that all seemed so far away. The days where she knew he cared and knew he would always be her guiding light were long gone, over, faded away, dragging their relationship with them. All the days spent together, all the memories made were gone, and they couldn't be brought back, no matter how long or hard she wished. All that was left in their wake was the feeling that he didn't care anymore, it felt like he just…didn't care.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
She went on without him, she made it without him, all the while hoping it made him proud. Hoping that he would finally recognize her as his daughter again, rather than just the outcast of the family. But nothing she ever did made him turn his head, nothing. Nothing. Maybe she just wasn't good enough for him, wasn't capable of doing anything right, the way he felt it should be done.
Shay kept her face straight, pushing back any emotion, still second-guessing her thoughts. An outbreak from her could snowball into a fight and she had had enough of those to last her a while. Another fight just wasn't something she could bear, and this silence that fell in thick curtains just proved what she already knew. This family was corrupt, and nothing was alright.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
Shay watched as Bret shook his head and bid his farewell to the hart Dynasty. No…she couldn't let this opportunity slip away. Their relationship may be unsalvageable, but she couldn't let him leave without knowing how she truly felt under the façade the had put up. She wasn't fine, regardless of what she said. They weren't fine, nothing was fine. Everything was just too far gone to bring back. Nothing could change what had happened, all the cruel words that had begun to be exchanged between her and the family, all the pent up feelings, all the years of going by unnoticed were becoming too much.
Nothing would change the things said, or the actions done. It was all carved into stone and it couldn't be made right. They had lost everything they had, every hope of a new beginning, every thing they ever had together was nothing more than a fond memory. They had lost it all and it was too late to try and get it back.
Bret began to stand, turning his back to his daughter as he shook DH's hand. Shay sucked in a breath, preparing herself for the moment she had been waiting years for. "Dad, stop and look at me." Her voice came out strong, something that caused Bret to turn around for the first time in the minutes of silence they sat in, looked at his daughter, the woman he had disapproved of and set aside for years.
Shay's breathing quickened slightly and for a few moments nothing happened and Bret turned to walk away again. He was turning his back, just like he always did and she should've known from the start that it would've played out this way. It shouldn't have been like this, it shouldn't have been hard for her just to talk to him, try and be civilized and Shay wouldn't let him go like this. He didn't understand her, and he never would.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
"Dad." She stated again and Bret turned around once more, his eyes on his daughter, yet they were filled with small slivers of disappointment, disapproval and all preparedness for whatever simple thing she had to say. "Please, for once just listen to me." She pleaded and he nodded, notifying her that she could go on.
Then, she said the six words that summed up everything she felt. They summed up the coldness relationship, the father-daughter bond that had been cracked into splintered fragments, each lashing a distant memory in black and white of how it used to be. Her mouth opened and with her voice hard and strong, she said the six words that set her soul free of the pain her family had caused.
"I'm sorry I can't be perfect." And with that, she walked away, moving back to join her real family, the friends that loved and cared for her, and leaving the broken past behind her.