Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS or Angel, all rights reserved Joss Whedon

Rating: 15+

Pairing: Faith/Buffy

Summary: Set a few years post season 7, Buffy hasn't seen Faith since the summer that they defeated the First, will love blossoms when she returns?

Notes: I found this floating on my Comp. All reviews are appreciated. Season 5 of Angel didn't happen, and as you will see in the fic, a few other changes have happened (post season 7 changes).

Our relationship was never going to be simple; we both figured that out the hard way, I always expected though, that in the end, it would be me and her, not just standing side by side as slayers but at the very least, as friends.

It wasn't something that crept up on either of us, although many people may think that I never had any idea that Faith felt that way, I did, I felt and still feel exactly the same way; it isn't something you can turn on or off.

Faith and I never spoke about it, none of the scoobies ever spoke about it, it was all too scary to think that the array of emotions displayed between Faith and I could have been masking something more, something that surpasses love or hate; something that is destined.

I'm not one to throw that word around either. Destiny. Ha! That word has shaken my life on a number of occasions, but that's what it was with Faith and I, and we knew it from the beginning.

The moment I saw her, the first moment our eyes locked, I knew we were connected, not in a slayer way either, in an 'I need to be near this person' kind of way. It's an automatic smile, a raised eyebrow, a chuckle. I saw her and I knew that wherever life would take me, I wanted her there with me. I won't lie to you it was a scary feeling, I couldn't place it, It was like my whole life, from that moment on, was going to be affected by her mere presence.

You don't have to grow to love someone, if after your first encounter, you don't know that in, some way you really do love that person, then it isn't real. Over the years I have never settled for anything less. I'm not saying its perfect and I'm not saying that there is only 'one' person for every other person, but, in that first minute, that first impression, whether good or bad – you just know.

So, if I was so in love with her, why did so much fucked up stuff happen? Why didn't I just take her in my arms and declare my undying, unwavering love for her? Because this is real life, not some fairy tale, I was a 17 yr old girl and so was she. Life is, unfortunately, never as simple as 'I love her so let's get married.'

I guess it makes our story just as tragic as every other love story out there. No love story is perfect; you need to know the bad before you can know the good. And many times, if both parties aren't ready for it? Well, they both lose.

I haven't directly spoken to her in 2 years and to be honest, I really try not to think of her all that much, but now she is on a plane to England. No big bad, no Scooby reunions, just cos. And I can't help but think. Is it our time yet?

You see, after all these years, I'm alone again. Willow has Sam. Xander has Anya. Giles has Victoria, Dawn has Peter and Angel has Cordy. But me? After Spike died, for good, I've been alone. It's not like I haven't had offers, hell I've been on plenty of dates, and plenty of second dates too, but there was nothing, no spark, so I'd prefer to be alone, than in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere.

Here I am now, the famed Buffy the Vampire Slayer, sitting in Slayer Centrals front room, waiting for Willow and Xander to come back with Faith, Scared out of my brains.

The front door finally opens, in walks Xander and Willow followed by Faith and Robin. Huh. You know, I didn't really expect that, last update I had from Will was that they had broken up, I guess they un-broke.

Faith and I finally make eye-contact, I want to ignore her, to show her that her coming here means nothing to me, I want to kiss her to show her how much I missed her, I want to tackle her to the ground and tear off all her clothes and…. Ok off track.

Instead, I decided I will do something more proactive, more Buffy.

I walk up to her and envelop her in a hug

'Faith, it's really great to see you' I say and as she returns the hug I almost lose myself

'Well, if you let me go Slayer you may be able to see something other than my hair' She says as we break apart.

I turn to Robin, trying to hide my disappointment at seeing him; I shake his hand and smile 'Hey Robin'

He raises his eyebrow at me and just says 'Buffy' gee, thanks for confirming my name, I nearly forgot it. I really don't like him.

After about an hour of small talk and hearing about their 'great' apartment, their great car, their great life, I can't take any more so I excuse myself to the backyard with a beer and take a seat by the pool. This day isn't turning out how I wanted it to.

I crack open my Corona, readjust my shades and look out at the English country side, We have a really good set up here, we are on 13 acres and surrounding us is mainly hills and lakes, its very picturesque, but really cold. I lay back and remember better times, Californian times, where summer meant warmth, where Mom was still alive and every night after school I would fight evil and sneak kisses with my Vampire boyfriend. Oh how things change.

As I start to doze of, I feel her, she is walking down the back steps, and she approaches and takes a seat next to me.

She looks at me briefly and sighs. We don't need words, she knows why I am out here, she knows I love her, and she knows that this is kinda killing me.

'We aint stayin long B' she says slowly, as if waiting to see if I will listen to her, I turn to look at her giving her my full attention 'we are traveling thru Ireland and Scotland then heading thru to Paris'

'Sounds like fun, Paris is great this time of year' I say as I let myself remember all my trips to Paris.

'We weren't gonna even stop off here B, to be honest, I made Robin come, I knew you and Red would get pissy if I didn't stop by' she says a little angrily

'I'm glad you're here Faith, how long are you stay'

'Leaving tomorrow evening'

Oh

'Oh' I suddenly get even more depressed.

'Listen B, I aint good with words and' she pauses and takes a swig of my beer 'both you and I know the deal with us, unspoken and what not'

She brushes her hand thru her hair and gulps, I find myself wanting to grab her hand, to comfort her, but I refrain

'Yeah, pretty much known all along F' I wink at her, trying to lighten the mood.

It doesn't work though, she starts peeling the label off my beer and I can't help but smirk at her, a big part of me wants to tease her about it, I don't though, good Buffy.

'When we get back to the states, we are getting married' who did the what with the how? Suddenly everything stops; I'm pretty damn sure a bird fell out of the tree. I look straight ahead, happy for my sunglasses cos this would be a lot harder otherwise, she doesn't need to see me cry 'He has asked me a thousand times, and I kept putting it off, for something that never happened, so I said yes.'

'Don't do it' I croak out 'Stay' those four words? Not the easiest thing to say to her, I'm pretty much opening myself right up here, completely.

After a few moments of silence she speaks, and I can hear the emotion, and what I would assume to be tears, in her voice

'He's a good guy B, always been good to me, when I have never really given us a shot' She clears her throat quietly, tying to regain composure I guess 'He deserves a shot'

'So marry him?' I say angrily 'why can't you give him a shot while being his girlfriend?'

'It aint that easy B'

"It never is, life isn't, and we know this better than everyone. I never thought you would give up on…' I sigh 'forget it, I hope you are both happy Faith, I really do'

I tap into some of that slayer strength I have, trying not to break down completely

'I waited for you B, everyday I thought of you, imagined you walking thru my door and just wanting me, you never came' Faith says, trying to remain calm

'Oh, I'm sorry, no really, I am. Maybe, I should have never called you or emailed you, not see you for years and then rocked up, with my boyfriend, and announce I am getting married cos you never tried. Lets blame this on me, when did you try?'

'All I did with you was try, you used me, you never accepted my apologies, you never visited me in jail, you never wrote, when I try to have a conversation with you, it gets turned into a joke!' She is standing now, hovering next to me.

I feel myself start to cry, not so much out of sadness, but just emotion in general. I don't want to do this, I really don't I don't want to have this conversation with her.

'I'm sorry Faith. I thought out of everyone in my life, you would wait till I was ready, clearly I thought we had something more than what you thought. That's fine. I get it.'

I stand up and start to walk inside, she grabs one of my arms and pulls me closer to her, our faces are inches apart and there are tears streaming down her face.

'This isn't a movie Buffy, this isn't your show, We never even spoke about it, for all I knew, I was making it up, everything, every look, every slight touch, every dream, I will always. God. I will always have a place in my heart for you, a really big place, but its time someone else got a place too. You have been everything to me, for a decade now B. All my choices, all were about you, getting you to feel me…'

She grabs my other arm and rests her forehead on mine, her hair draping our faces.

'If this is the end of us, of something that never started, I, I just need one thing'

I brush her hair out of her face and stare at her for a moment 'Damn I forgot how beautiful you were Faith' She grabs my hand lightly, and smiles at me, that's all the encouragement I need, I lean in to kiss her, not a desperate kiss, not a friend kiss. It's the kiss I always imagined, and it was painful. Fresh tears start falling from my face as I step away from her.

I continue stepping away from her, and start to walk in; I stop about 20 feet away from her

'I just need you to know Faith. I will always love you. My heart will always be yours. And I know you are mine. I think you understand that this is the only goodbye I can give you, I can't see you tomorrow Faith; I'll break.'

I wipe tears away from my face and we share a look, it won't be the last time I see her, I know that, but the look she gives me is all I need to hear. We missed this window, this isn't our time.

I smile at her and walk inside.

She doesn't follow me in, she doesn't declare her undying love to me, tell me it was all a mistake, I guess she needs to find out what I did, that we are destined.

Some stories end like this, not so much in tragedy, but, the Hero doesn't get the girl in this one.

THE END

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