Daybreak: Complete Version Chapter 1: Chapters: Preface through 15, a twilight fanfic

[The following is the complete Daybreak story---no breaks for chapters. This version has been edited for slight wording changes and for errors previously missed but may still have a few bugs in it. If you see any, please let me know so that I can fix them immediately. I designed this version for those of you who might wish to print the whole thing out.

This is a work of fiction created in Stephenie Meyer's Universe of Twilight. I am not Mrs. Meyer and I have no ownership of the characters she has created. This story, however, is mine.]

Daybreak

PREFACE

It had all come down to this one insane moment. I guess I should have realized that this was what Edward and the others had had in mind. But somehow, to be finally face to face with the one person who had consistently filled my every fiber with such intense fear and loathing...the shock was almost too much!

How was I supposed to be of any real help in this situation? Maybe I would survive...but what about the others? I saw them now, cringing to one side of the room...their faces full of horror, anger, and even...bitter disappointment. How was I supposed to do anything about that?

I watched as the creature before me crouched to lunge. I had never seen anyone look so maddened...so insane with wild fury! I had to keep my focus! I knew that....but how? And for how long?

A scream filled the air as the insane one before me cried out in frustration! It was shattering! I tried not to look away. I knew that Edward needed me to keep my focus, but the scream went on and on! I felt as though I was falling...falling, and no one would ever be able to catch me.

1. "DO YOU, ISABELLA MARIE SWAN..."

How in the world had I let this happen? Of course, the answer was right in front of me. I watched in morbid silence as Alice quickly put one pin after another in my hair creating an admittedly lovely arrangement--for someone else. Okay--okay! I knew that I looked better than I ever had in my entire life...but that was just the point. Sometimes, when Alice got a hold of me, I felt like a dress-up doll or something. Definitely not me. But I kept my mouth shut. I knew how much pleasure this was giving my soon-to-be-sister.

She was humming a little tune right now, smiling to herself as she observed the creation that was forming beneath her hands.

"You look so beautiful, Bella. If I do say so myself!" she crowed. I couldn't help but grin at her in the mirror, she was so excited. "Look at the time!" she exclaimed.

She was already dressed in the loveliest little semi-vintage looking dress of pale blue lace and satin. She looked like a tiny ballerina flitting around her room where we were getting ready.

My mom sat in a nearby chair, examining her makeup and chatting with Alice now and then. Renee's acceptance of the whole marriage idea had me both pleased and puzzled. It was great that I hadn't had hysterics to deal with, which I had fully prepared myself for. That was great, wonderful! But why hadn't she freaked out about it? That was still my question.

I had been pondering this and several other things a lot recently. Like maybe my whole life paradigm was severely flawed and in need of serious adjustment! Especially with regards to my mothers stand on marriage, men, and me. She was so happy about it all! It was as though all the deep and intense conversations we had had throughout the years about the terrible mistake of early marriage had never happened. Of course, she had a great reply to that one.

"I was talking about myself not you, Bella," she told me when I finally broke down and questioned her about her seeming '180' where early marriage was concerned.

"Those were my mistakes that I was upset about," she said. "Not yours! Why would you think that? I guess I should have been more careful confiding in you all those times...but, honestly, Bella! You are definitely not me." She said the last with a combination smirk, smile, and pat on my cheek. Renee was one in a million.

But that didn't change my intense gut reaction to all the craziness that had been going on around me these last weeks and days. It felt like I had stepped into a Twilight Zone episode where wedding plans reigned supreme and the only things in life that everyone found important were the wedding invitations, the wedding decor, the flowers, the cakes, the...etc, etc!

It would have driven me insane if not for two things. For one, I was blissfully happy about being with Edward for the rest of my life, or eternity, whichever came first. And secondly, these might be some of the last memories I would be able to share with my loving but eccentric parents. I didn't know how much more time with them I was going to have, if any, after the wedding.

Edward wouldn't tell me exactly where we were going on our honeymoon, only that I had to pack for hot weather. Wherever we were going, we were planning on staying for a month maybe more, although, as far as my parents knew, we were going from there to college after only two weeks. This was, of course, more my decision than Edward's. He would have loved for me to say yes to a few more years and college as a human. But I had made my choice and he knew I wasn't going to change my mind.

I was suddenly startled by Alice jerking me up from my seat and somehow throwing my dress over my head in such a way that not a hair of my new do was out of place. She barely paused as she and Renee began twisting me this way and that, doing up the little buttons on the back and straightening my long lace sleeves.

I kept catching little glimpses of myself in the mirror that had me alternating between feelings of shock, relief and abject terror! I didn't completely know that girl in the mirror...nope...that couldn't be me! And that image practically screamed 'Here comes the bride!' Ugh! But then I would think that Edward was going to see me like this and I knew that he would love it. I just knew that he would. He was going to be over the moon! And... I had to admit...I did look pretty darn good. Who knew? Alice caught me grinning at myself at the last thought.

"See? I told you to leave it to me. I knew you would love it." And she gave me a quick hug before grabbing my veil and beginning the last preparations for my walk to Edward. I chose not to correct her assumptions about my smile. Let her believe what she wanted...and maybe there was a tiny shred of truth in there somewhere. Not that I was going to be admitting that in the foreseeable future!

"Okay...that's about it, wouldn't you say?" Alice asked Renee as they walked around me like tourists looking at a statue.

"Oh, Bella," my mom said, coming up to me and touching my face with the tips of her fingers. "I'm so happy for you, baby," she whispered to me, tears shining in her eyes.

"Thanks, mom," I whispered back, trying not to cry.

"No tears. That's an order!" Alice barked out, whisking Renee towards the door at almost the exact second before we heard a knock from outside. She was cutting things a little close, but I don't think Renee noticed. It was Jasper asking for my mom.

"It's about that time, ma'am," he said respectfully. I had the feeling he was holding his breath a little. He was so nervous that anything he might do would ruin this day for everyone. He glanced at me and gave me a small smile. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him and grin nervously back at him. Of course, he knew what I was feeling so I couldn't lie to myself about the mixed emotions warring within me. Renee gave me one last hug and one for Alice, too.

"I'll see you downstairs, Bella. I love you," this last part a sweet whisper meant just for me, although I knew that the other two heard it, as well. She walked out of the room and seconds later, Charlie walked in. He stopped just inside the doorway and just stared at me with his mouth slightly open causing me to giggle a little.

"Isabella! You look...you look...," he stuttered then swallowed hard. I could tell he was manfully trying to hold back his own tears just as I was holding back mine. He stayed silent for a long moment then turned to Alice. "Alice...my dear, you are amazing. And you look lovely, too!" This last was said so abruptly that Alice grinned at me and laughed.

"This day is Bella's and no one can take the shine out of her today. She truly is bellisima,"she said with an Italian flair making me blush. It was weird, awkward, being the center of attention, no matter what the reason. But that was somehow what this day had to be about. Had to be...for my parents and friends.

Alice was probably right. In fifty years...maybe sooner, if I was honest with myself...I would be able to look back and see this as a day for me. But today, this was for my family...and for Edward, too. He needed this. I understood that now. He needed to show the world, everyone, that I was his. And, in truth, I needed that as well.

So, this was it. This is me getting married...and for the first time I didn't flinch at the thought. Will wonders never cease?

I could hear the music starting up downstairs as the string quartet Alice had brought in began to play. I think my heart rate must have spiked ...but suddenly I calmed and was breathing a bit more normally. Jasper leaned across the doorway smiling understandingly at me.

"Alice...I think it's time," he said, holding out his hand.

"Okay, Bella," Alice said walking swiftly up to me and handing me a delicate bouquet of soft blue and white flowers and trailing lace and ribbons. "Leaning closer to me so that my dad couldn't hear she said, "You are going to be alright, you know that? You're going to be just fine. Remember why you're doing this, who you're doing it for. He's waiting down stairs and you love him. You know we all love you, right?" she smiled. "So -- here we go!"

She gave me a little hug and Jasper must have given me an extra dose of whatever he was giving off because I suddenly felt more than calm. I felt elated and excited...eager to see my future downstairs.

Alice and Jasper left the room and Charlie and I followed behind. At the top of the stairs, but out of sight of any guests that might have seen us, Charlie and I paused, watching Alice and Jasper slowly march down the staircase, her fingertips on his arm. They looked so lovely, so right. I felt Charlie move beside me as he adjusted his tie a little. He looked at me then and smiled softly.

"You know I've gone back and forth on all this and Edward a lot, Bella. But...I just want you to know how proud I am of you...you know that, right?" he gruffly said as Alice and Jasper walked out of sight. I felt a lump form in my throat for a moment that this man, who had lost so much to love, was so willing to share his love with me, even if he wasn't completely comfortable with the entire Edward part of the package. This was my father, my dad, Charlie the Sheriff. And I loved him.

"I know, Dad. I love you! Thank you so much for letting me come to Forks to stay with you." I had to stop because forbidden tears were threatening to spill. Downstairs the music changed and I knew it was time.

As we walked slowly down the stairs a sense of unreality came over me. How could this be happening? I thought back over my decision to move to Forks in the first place. How resigned I had been to the misery of the grey skies, the rain, the dripping green and no Renee.

We reached the midpoint of the staircase and I could see a few of mine and my dad's friends standing in rows of seats below.

I thought back to my first day at school, driving my wonderful old pickup that I had just decided to love. Walking to my classes and meeting for the very first time several of the people who were now smiling at me with such happiness.

We rounded the corner and began walking toward the far end of the living room that had been completely converted into a breathtaking hall of flowers, ribbons, candles, and rows and rows of seats filed with people who were turned to watch my progress down the aisle. At the end of the aisle, I knew, stood the man I was about to pledge the rest of my life to. I knew that but didn't immediately look at him.

I thought about the first day in the cafeteria. Seeing a strange group of teenagers who didn't seem to be talking with anyone, not even themselves. How unreal and beautiful they had seemed to me. I thought about the first time my eyes met Edward's.

I looked up and met his gaze down the aisle. He looked stunned and joyous and...proud! I was exhilarated! I had made him have that look? It was all worth it, then. He seemed to catch his breath as I smiled radiantly at him. On some level I knew that there were dozens of people standing around me and I was walking past them in a dress I could never have imagined myself wearing, let alone looking good in. I didn't see anything or anyone. In that moment, it was just Edward and me. Edward and me!

I remembered the first time we really talked...how strange, and weird, and wonderful that had been. Then, when he had saved me in Port Angeles...how overwhelmed I had been that night--the night I had first realized that, no matter what, I loved this man!

I was standing beside him now. Charlie had already handed me off to Edward--I could barely concentrate on what the minister was saying as I stared into Edwards eyes. My hand was in his and he squeezed it gently and, with reluctance it seemed, turned to listen to the words of the minister.

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. We are assembled here on this lovely day to acknowledge and to bless a marriage that has arisen. We come together to celebrate a discovery and to record in the minds and hearts of all present the ripe event of a love that has bloomed. We gather also to mark the reality that marriage must overcome many forces that would destroy it."

I remembered, strangely, the flight home from Italy, when we had not talked at all...just stared into each others eyes and held on to each other as though we were about to be torn apart.

"Love is an act of creation; a direct sharing of a process. Love can survive only by being born again and again," the minister was saying exactly what I knew to be true. We had come so far and through so much frustration and pain. Only we knew how serious this decision was or how momentous.

As the minister continued speaking, I recalled the night I woke up after getting home from Italy--how I hadn't believed it could be true that Edward was finally back, that he was actually here at all. And that he was going to stay...for me. That entire night, and the following day, had been one series of revelations after another. We both had finally realized that we had to be together. That we were meant to be together.

The minister's next words brought me back to the moment.

"Who gives this woman to be wedded to this man?"

"I do," stated Charlie, gruffly. The minister continued:

"Marriage is indeed a blessed union of two hearts, two minds, and two souls and into this union, Edward and Bella now come to be joined. And now, in the presence of God and all these witnesses I ask you, Edward, do you take this woman whose hand you now hold, to be your true and wedded wife; and do you solemnly promise before God and these witnesses to love, cherish and protect her, to forsake all others for her sake; to faithfully remain with her, and her only, for as long as you both may live?"

Edward, looking deeply into my eyes and holding my hand tightly took a breath and with a dazzling smile said clearly:

"I do."

I thought I would melt through the floor at that moment! I could hear my mom sniffling somewhere behind me.

"And do you, Bella, take this man to be your true and wedded husband; and do you solemnly promise before God and these witnesses to love, cherish, and protect him; to forsake all others for his sake; to faithfully remain with him, and only him, for as long as you both may live?"

My heart was beating like a wild thing in my chest. I took a deep breath and looked Edward deep in the eyes and stated:

"I do."

"Edward, please repeat after me: 'I, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, do take you, Isabella Marie Swan, to be my wedded wife.'"

Holding my hands tightly and never breaking eye contact, Edward slowly and clearly repeated his vows. After a moment it felt again as though no one was there but the two of us. Edward was simply stating his determination to love me and to keep me from harm always and forever. It was the most magical moment of my life.

When my turn came I was afraid at first that I would start to cry. But I managed to hold it together and say in the words given me by the minister, all the things that I had ever wanted him to know--that I was his and his alone and that I would be his for as long as I existed on this earth and beyond!

Alice handed me Edward's ring and Jasper handed Edward mine.

"These rings mark the beginning of a long journey together, filled with wonder, surprises, laughter, tears, celebration, grief and joy. May these rings glow in reflection of the warmth and the life which flow through the wearers today."

Edward slipped the wedding band onto my finger next to the engagement ring. My hands shook a little as I slid his ring on and he immediately gripped my hand tightly again, pulling me a fraction closer. My heart began to do somersaults!

"Forasmuch as you, Edward and Bella, have made your vows before these witnesses, have pledged your faith to each other, and have given and received rings...with the power vested in me by God and the state of Washington...I now pronounce you husband and wife! What God hath yoked together, let no man put apart!"

I couldn't believe it--I was married!

"You may now kiss the bride!"

Edward dropped my hands and softly held my face, pulling me slowly closer. His eyes were like burning golden embers. I had never seen such ecstasy in him before. It pulled at my soul...I couldn't breath as his lips softly touched mine and clung for what seemed a life time but what must have been mere moments.

A sigh seemed to float through those gathered behind us and Renee was openly crying now.

"It is now my sincere pleasure to present to all gathered here today, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen!" The minister's voice rang out these last words as we turned to face the crowd of witnesses now before us and a feeling of intense joy and energy swept through me. I was Mrs. Edward Cullen! Who cared about the whole early marriage crap anyhow? I was now part of Edward, of his life...forever!

2. WEDDING PRESENT

What to say, what to say? How do you begin to weave into your heart and mind those moments that seem so unreal and yet more clear than anything had ever been in your life? The wedding was over. I was married. I was married. I WAS MARRIED!

For something to happen that had seemed before to be such a chore, such a sacrifice, such an embarrassment, even...for this to happen to me and for me to now feel so weirdly, bizarrely...happy? What the heck happened?

OK, it's true that when I actually let myself think about marriage in general I still felt uncomfortable and edgy...and, I don't know what else! But then Edward would pull me close again, whisper something so heartbreakingly wonderful or tempting...and all I could think was, 'I am married to this amazing man!'

Another thing: I've never really understood how people could get married and not really remember much about the ceremony or the reception--until now, that is. Everything about that day is a blur to me. A weird, wonderful, nerve-wracking, beautiful, amazing...blur! My memories of it are in snapshots, both real, in the case of the thousands of photos the photographer Alice had hired took, and mental. When I think about that day, most of what I remember is in blinks.

Blink: Renee hugging me after the ceremony was concluded, tears streaming down her face.

Blink: Edward kissing me quickly as everyone filed out into the backyard where the reception was to be held.

Blink: Suddenly standing with Edward beside a towering cake and trying to cut it without cutting myself and Edward taking it out of my hands, pausing for a moment before gently feeding it to me and then heroically letting me do the same. I have no memory of what that cake tasted like, although Renee swears it's the best cake she's ever eaten.

Blink: Seeing Seth hug Edward and congratulating him like he was his own brother!

Blink: A brief memory of meeting Tanya and the other Denali coven members, minus Irina. I don't really remember what she looked like! I think they were nice...I kind of remember thinking that.

Blink: Dancing with Edward--that one really stands out! He held me so close, so gently. I felt like my bones would melt! I remember him whispering to me as we danced to "At Last" by Etta James. He said, "So you are mine, at last, my Bella... Are you happy?" He almost purred. I looked up at him, into his eyes that were so close to mine. He was grinning my favorite grin, but with more feeling in his eyes than I could remember ever seeing--not even when I had agreed to marry him in the first place. His lips softly and coolly grazed my forehead, my temple, down my earlobe, behind my ear making me shiver with anticipation. It was delicious torture. He leaned back and raised his eyebrows questioningly. I answered honestly, without even thinking,

"Deliriously happy! I never knew I could be this happy, Edward...I never knew!" His response to those whispered words was to immediately hold me even closer that before, crushing me to him. His mouth came down on mine softly, intensely, firmly, roughly...breathing was not even a thought in my head! I barely felt us move as he danced us back inside the house and out of sight. His hands traveled down my neck, my throat, my shoulders and arms..all the while never taking his mouth from mine. I trembled as he let himself explore me with his hands in a highly different way than normal. It was as though I was drugged!

He suddenly gripped me tightly again and held me incredibly close for several moments then broke his kiss and leaned away from me grinning.

"I guess we should probably get back before people start to wonder where we've gone," he whispered, his fingers softly stroking my flushed face. I knew that my face would be a dead giveaway as to what we'd been up to and that suddenly didn't really bother me, either. Being addicted to Edward was having some strange affects on me.

Then, other moments:

Blink: Charlie dancing with me, awkward and self conscious as always, but I was glad to give him this moment.

Blink: Alice tearing me away from Edward to take me upstairs and change clothes. Why should I care what she did now? I barely remember changing clothes.

Blink: A small memory of throwing the bouquet but not of who caught it.

Blink: Hugging Charlie and Renee goodbye as we left for the airport. Renee started crying again and Charlie hugged me like he didn't want to ever let me go.

Memories are strange things. Life is strange, too. All that time I spent cringing at the very thought of marrying anyone so early, even Edward...and now it was done and we were flying by private plane to ... I didn't know where.

"What are you thinking?" Edward whispered in my ear after the plane took off. Sometimes I really wished he could hear my thoughts. How to put into words all the feelings and thoughts coursing through my mind and heart? With one hand he played with the hair pinned up at the back of my neck and with the other he toyed with my fingers. Every once in a while he would lift my hand and place a series of soft kisses on each of my fingers and my wedding rings.

"I'm thinking...," I sighed, "I'm thinking that I love you and that even though I'm so glad that all that wedding stuff is over...I wouldn't change one second of this day!" He grinned and laughed softly.

"So...are you saying you liked the wedding, Mrs. Cullen? Hmmm? Are you sure your name is Bella? Maybe I brought the wrong girl on this plane?" His voice was softly mocking and I tried to elbow him, knowing he would barely feel it.

"That's right! Make fun of the bride, see where that gets you!" I grinned. He leaned over me and lightly kissed my lips and eyes.

"Okay," he said at last as I tried to control my breathing. "No joking, then. So you liked the wedding, though? Really?"

"I like what I can remember about it...it all seems pretty blurry."

"I know what you mean," he said as he absently drew little patterns on the skin of my hand and arm sending little shivers up my spine. "I kept thinking about...so many things as the minister was speaking." I looked at him then.

"Really? So was I!"

"What were you thinking about, love?"

"Just how we met, the first time we really talked...lots of things." He stopped doodling on my arm and looked intently at me before laughing to himself. "What?" I asked.

"It's just that that's what I was thinking about, too. It was like seeing a mini-series inside my head all through the sermon." He settled me back against his shoulder putting an arm around me, holding me, his lips touching my hair again and again. I sighed and closed my eyes. This was going to be a long flight but at the same time I found it restful. A peaceful interlude after a hectic day.

The lone flight attendant had already come by our seats several times in attempts to learn more about us. Edward had just informed her that we were going on our honeymoon and she seemed delighted and dazzled at the same time. Now she came back with two glasses of champagne which Edward dutifully sipped and I enjoyed immensely. I raised my glass after she left and watched the little bubbles rising and rising within.

Edward suddenly clinked his glass with mine and whispered, "Here's to the most beautiful bride I've ever seen! Thank you so much, Bella, for being my bride." I caught my breath a little and leaned up to place a tiny kiss on his neck causing him to increase his grip and kiss me thoroughly.

Fortunately he remembered my glass because I completely forgot it in that moment and would have had champagne all over me. He grinned down at me as he motioned for the flight attendant to come take the glasses away.

"You'd better sleep a little, Bella. We won't be landing for hours." The attendant took the glasses and I snuggled as best I could back against Edwards shoulder. I didn't want to sleep but I had also had a long and emotion-filled day. I wondered where we were going but didn't really care, right now. This was our moment to just be together...that's all that mattered, anyway.

I must have fallen asleep because suddenly Edward was shaking me softly and shifting in his seat.

"Bella, love? Time to wake up. We're about to land." I cold tell he was excited and turned to glare a bit at him.

"You still won't tell me where we're going, huh? It's not nice to keep secrets," I said leaning forward persuasively and kissing the end of his chin. His arm tightened but all he did was chuckle.

"Now, now! Behave," he said, his eyes glowing with a mixture of mischief, passion and humor. Oh, he was definitely up to something! "And it's not so much a secret as it is a surprise!"

"And you know how I just love surprises, right?" I asked just a bit sarcastically, although at that point, I wouldn't have cared what surprise he threw at me; nothing could compare to the high I had right now just knowing that I had every right to be with him for as long as I lived or forever...whichever came first.

"Don't knock this one just yet, love," he was smiling that knowing little smile of his and almost against my will I was actually getting more and more curious. Okay, let him keep his little secret a bit longer. Wouldn't matter anyway. I'd know soon enough.

The plane landed. The flight attendant, cheerfully and still curiously staring at the two of us (mostly Edward), helped us out of the small plane where we were met by some airport staff who talked briefly with Edward before transferring our luggage from the plane into a waiting Hummer. These Cullens and their love of cars! This one was dark grey--at least that's what it looked like in the dark--and seemed to have highly tinted windows...of course! That I could understand. But why not a normal car? A Honda or a Toyota...even a Volvo? No...it had to be a Hummer. I sighed, smiled and shook my head. I think Edward caught me because he just grinned and shook his head, too. He was in such a good mood...it just made my own euphoria that much more alive!

It was so dark that I couldn't really see anything around but the small airport. Lights from inside the little terminal were glowing in the distance. I wondered again where we were and where we were going. Obviously we weren't staying in the immediate area, or else, why have that monster of a vehicle ready to whisk us away?

Edward was shaking hands with the crew and the other staff. They were all smiles, of course. I wondered briefly how much they'd been paid and what sort of arrangement Edward had made about the return trip. Oh well, time would tell.

"Bella? You ready? Time to go," Edward stood at a little distance from me with his hand held out, beckoning me to his side. The staff just stood around grinning like cats with cream. People always love a romance! I walked quickly to his side and took his hand. I thanked the crew as Edward handed me up into the Hummer and then got in himself behind the wheel.

We had driven a ways before I tried to get him to answer me again.

"Come on, Edward! Where are you taking me? Tell me...please!?" I tried to use my only weapon against him but he didn't budge.

"Nope! No way! This is too much fun." And he just sat there behind the wheel grinning like a maniac. So, I gave up...for the time being. It was peaceful just driving with Edward. The sound of the road was all I could hear except for Edward occasionally humming the song we had danced to just hours before. He drove with one hand on the wheel and the other touching me; holding my hand, stroking my hair, lifting my wrist to his lips, running his fingers softly down my throat.

I knew he was trying to distract me...or at least that was one reason for his actions...and it was definitely working. So we traveled down what seemed the longest road on the planet with only our headlights and the moonlit sky to see by. The sound of the road and Edwards' humming the only soundtrack. It was so peaceful that I didn't really think about the fact that we hadn't passed anyone for who knew how long. I started to nod off after a while, leaning over to rest my head on Edwards hard shoulder.

I woke up again when I felt a sudden jolt as we seemed to leave whatever road we had been on for a very much unpaved version. Now I understood the need for the Hummer. This new road was quite rough and I sat up, bracing myself in my seat and very glad this vehicle came with harness seat-belts.

"Not too much further now. Just a few more miles," Edward said with a smile in his voice.

"Great road!" I commented.

"Isn't it?" He laughed.

We'd traveled for quite some time before I thought I saw a distant light. By now I had begun to have a weird feeling of dejavu. Not so much that I had been here before...but that I should know where I was right now. Very weird. The only thing I really knew was that it was dark, no other lights (meaning houses) for miles and miles, and that I could now see a light very far away...which meant I had a pretty clear view from me to that light. Curiouser and curiouser!

I looked up at Edward and he just smiled down at me again, like he was having the time of his life. Actually, it was more than that...like he was getting more and more excited. Of course that just made me more curious and almost anxious to find out where we were.

We finally turned off onto yet another road...this one somehow even more rough than the one we had been traveling on and were very soon pulling up in front of what looked like, in the dark, a large long house. It seemed to have two stories and a large front porch. I could see lights on inside on both floors. The front doors were made partially of glass so I could see something of the interior. Edward stopped the car and was instantly at my door, lifting me down. He didn't let my feet touch the ground at first. Instead he pulled me too him, almost roughly, and kissed me in a way that made me begin to forget my curiosity altogether! His cold lips brushed over mine urgently, then softly slid down my neck and throat before ending at my ear.

"What do you think?" he whispered sending chills all over me. Think? How was I supposed to think when he did that? He pulled back a tiny fraction and gazed into my eyes intently, smoulderingly. I remembered to breath and then looked around me again trying to do what he had asked.

"I don't know what to think, Edward. I don't even know where we are! Tell me!" This last I whispered pleadingly.

"I'm not telling you that, Bella," he said, setting me on my feet and stepping away from me. "You have to tell me. Where are we, Bella?" His voice was so intense, so compelling. He was like a magician just waiting for the final climactic moment. What was he up to?

That same strange feeling of dejavu swept over me again as I stared at Edward with what I'm sure was a very bewildered expression on my face. How was I supposed to tell him where we were? This was crazy! Edward just looked intently at me, a small but beautiful smile on his moonlit face.

Okay. Fine! I started to look around. First at the house. I couldn't see much but what I could see seemed very nice. Lots of stone and wood, the front porch seemed mostly to be made of old gnarled wood reminding me of a log cabin. Through the glass in the front door I could see a wood-paneled room. It looked very warm and inviting. I saw bright flowers on some sort of table and stone-work for what might have been a fireplace. It was still too dark to make out very much from outside so I turned and looked around behind me and around the house.

Through the gloom I could make out shapes; some close, some distant. The more I looked, the more distinct the shapes seemed to become. After a while I began to realize I was seeing stone outcroppings and maybe something even bigger in the distance. It was beginning to get lighter as morning approached so I knew I would be able to see very clearly within minutes, yet I wanted to solve this mystery that was so exciting to Edward... now!

Again, that feeling of familiarity passed over me. When I really thought about it...I felt at peace in a way I hadn't in a long time. I also felt, weirdly enough, as though I was home. How was that possible when I didn't even know where I was? A breeze began to pick up as the first slight glow of color touched the horizon and, as day began to break, I filled my lungs with the fresh air around me...and froze!

"Oh my God!" I whispered. I looked back at Edward, my eyes wide with astonishment as it began to sink in.

Smiling at me he softly said, with such love in his eyes, "I hope you like your wedding present, Mrs. Cullen."

I took another breath and stared around me again. How could I have been so stupid? The evidence had been all around me all night! Everything had pointed to this! But it took that faint smoky odor, one I knew so well and had missed so much, to finally make me see the light.

Tears began to stream down my face as I stared around me and breathed deep the heady scent of creosote bushes. How had he done this? How had he known? I felt his hands on my shoulders as he pulled me back against his chest and we watched the sun rise together. I leaned my head back against him, tears still trailing down my cheeks.

"You are the most special, the kindest, the most marvelous husband in the entire universe...do you know that?" I whispered at one point. He leaned down and softly kissed my forehead, and, wrapping his arms around me even tighter he simply said:

"I'm so glad I finally get to share this piece of you."

I didn't know what I had ever done to deserve such a thoughtful, wonderful man in my life...but all I did know was at this moment, here in the Arizona desert, in the arms of the man I loved...here, I was finally, truly, and completely happy.

3. TRYING

"Rise and shine, sleepy-head!" my favorite voice drifted into my semi-conscious brain. Slowly opening my eyes, I looked groggily around a strange room. It took me a few moments to locate the source of the voice. Edward was sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed and, for him, looked about as shaggy as possible in a white tee-shirt and blue pajama bottoms. His hair was even more wild than ever, sticking straight up in places. He was playing with my toes and smiling at me in that way that always melted my spine.

"What time is it?" I asked, scooting up in bed and leaning back against the headboard.

"It's about noon...you slept a long time," he answered as he moved with me up the bed. I smiled shyly at him for a moment before looking around the room. Last night was starting to come back to me. I still couldn't get over the fact that I was in Arizona! I had eventually found out that we were somewhere near the White Canyon Wilderness. It was beautiful! Standing there watching the sun rise together, I knew, would always be one of my most precious memories.

As the sun finally rose completely, Edward had kissed me deeply, picked me up in his sparkling arms, and carried me into the house that I could now see much more clearly. I had wondered where Esme and Emmett had disappeared to for several weeks prior to the wedding and I now had my answer.

Edward had bought this piece of land from a family that had held it for generations and was about to give it to the state land trust when he had, apparently, made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Evidently this house had been abandoned for who knows how long before Esme and Emmett showed up. You would never know to look at it.

It was mostly one long structure completely bordered by a wide stone and wood porch. There was a second story--my eyes had not been deceiving me the night before. It was a suite: large master bedroom, bath, and sitting area. It also had huge windows on the back side that looked out over an enormous pool that seemed to be fed by an underground stream, so it was very cold! Which was great because it was extremely hot! August in the Arizona desert would never be a good idea...unless you slept with a vampire, that is.

Edward had taken me on a tour of the house, showing me the great room with its fireplace and comfy furniture and open kitchen and dining area. There were five, yes five, bedrooms each with their own bathroom. Crazy!

But craziest of all was that it was mine--ours! Mine and Edwards. It was our house. And it was so isolated, that it would be virtually unheard of for anyone, meaning innocent hikers or tourists, to ever find us. It had it's own generator but it was also well-stocked with lanterns and candles and a fireplace which suited me fine.

What was really wonderful to me, when I actually thought about it, was how much the house felt like me and Edward. Esme had found a balance between his more minimalist and my more earthy styles. It felt homey, comfortable...like an old pair of jeans that you would never throw away.

While I looked around the place on my own, Edward had gone out and gotten our luggage and brought it into the upstairs bedroom. He kept giving me the most smoldering looks that were making my heart race and my attention wander from the decor to his eyes over and over again.

"Ok, mister! Can we stop with the tour for awhile?" I finally asked, grinning.

His reaction was to swoop me into the most intense kiss of our relationship. Nothing so far could compare with it! My heart was beating like it was trying to fly out of my chest and it went into overdrive when I felt us no longer standing but lying on that huge bed. His hands were everywhere. There was no more restraint about where he would touch me; like before when I was still living with Charlie. It was as though all bets were off and my body was eager for wherever he would take me! His lips and hands wandered over my face, my throat, my neck and shoulders before wandering lower. I moaned with pleasure and was startled to hear him gasp and moan suddenly, as well. I could tell, in one small corner of my mind that he was being so very careful with me and it upset me that he couldn't, wasn't able, to just let go and enjoy the moment the way I was.

Or was I? What had Edward said to me before about trying? He said we would 'try'. This didn't feel like trying anymore, not with most of my clothes off and his as well. As his lips skimmed over my skin making me arch my back and twist beneath him, that one rational part of my mind suddenly, and annoyingly took over.

"Wait!" I gasped, panting from his last endless kiss.

"What?" his voice was muffled against my stomach where his lips had wandered to again.

"I said wait...wait!" I thought I must be losing my mind! This was too wonderful, the sensations pouring through me too intense to ever stop, not for a second. But still I said again, "Wait!"

Taking a huge breath, Edward leaned up on his elbows, his eyes burning into mine. "What's wrong?" he asked in a whisper. "Are you alright?" Now he was starting to look concerned, as well. Breathing deeply and seriously questioning my sanity, I looked up at him and touched his face which was now warmer than I could ever remember it being.

"You said we would try, right?" I whispered, trying to catch my breath.

"Yes..of course...isn't that what we're doing, Bella?" His grin was back and it now held a definite note of seduction. Oh, give me strength!

"This feels like a lot more than trying, Edward...and I know that's where I kept saying I wanted us to go...and I still do!" I said quickly as his eyebrows shot together. "It's just that...I want us to be ready...really ready...so that...when it happens...it happens...for both of us, with no regrets. I guess I'm worried that if we 'try' too far and something goes wrong...then that's it! And I want to give it the best shot we've got...does that make sense?"

Part of me was so embarrassed to be talking like this. But another part felt so in tune with this man, so much a part of him, that I knew he would understand...or, I guess that's what I was hoping. One thing I did know for certain was that I didn't want this to fail...I wanted this moment but not just for me! I wanted him to enjoy it just as much.

Of course I knew it would be easier in the long run for Edward to just make me one of his kind and then to have this night...but that selfish part of me still wanted this one human moment to remember when later all I would be wanting, I feared, was blood!

Edward looked yearningly into my eyes for a long moment before reaching down and stroking my face, neck, and more, looking intensely at all that was exposed of me with such passion in his eyes that I thought I would weep. I was about to tell him to forget it and pull him back down over me, when he suddenly pulled the covers up and over us both, wrapping me up before gathering me close and whispering in my ear.

"However and whenever you want me, Bella...I am yours," he purred making me melt in ways I had never thought possible. He stroked my hair and face, kissed my neck and ear, nuzzling his face into my hair and sighed.

"I love you!" I whispered closing my eyes as my heart slowly resumed a more normal rhythm.

"And I love you...Mrs. Cullen! You have no idea how much I love you...!" he breathed into my ear. My heart faltered for a moment... but then I yawned hugely and realized that part of my problem could be that I was extremely tired. Those little naps I had taken had not been enough for all the stress and traveling I'd done.

"Sleep, Bella! We have all the time in the world...for trying," he laughed in a whisper. I could feel every part of him as he curled up behind me, holding me softly, closely...and sleep finally claimed me.

Seeing him now in his pajamas brought all those feelings back with a vengeance as his eyes once against burned...more gently this time...into mine.

"I think what you need is...some breakfast," he grinned, startling me back to reality. I was hungry! Starving...I don't think that one piece of cake and those few sips of champagne had done much for me. He was suddenly gone from the bed and the room and I sat there, shocked, for maybe the count of ten before, just as suddenly, he was back. And he brought food with him.

He'd managed to make pancakes and bacon! I just sat there and grinned and laughed as he tucked a napkin into a tee-shirt that I was now, somehow, wearing...with no memory of putting it on, I might add. I looked up at him questioningly, smiling. He just grinned some more and leaned in to kiss me quickly before sitting back on the bed to watch me eat breakfast, something he still seemed to find fascinating. The pancakes were good, too.

"You're getting better and better at this cooking thing, you know?" I told him with my mouth full. The bacon was crispy and the pancakes fluffy with maple syrup smothering them.

"I aim to please!" he said watching me enjoy another mouthful.

"So," he said. "About this 'trying'," I almost choked on a piece of bacon at this abrupt beginning to the conversation I knew was waiting for me. Edward chuckled for a moment before continuing.

"How do you feel we should proceed...?" His eyes dared me to worm my way out of this one. Swallowing that last bite completely before putting my now empty plate aside, I sat back and looked at Edward as calmly as I could.

"I haven't the faintest idea," I stated firmly. Then we were both laughing and he pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently but with a little more humor than passion.

"Fair enough," he said. "I did a little thinking while you were sleeping...after you stopped talking. I should tell you that your unconscious conversations were not helpful to the whole 'trying' idea, thank you very much!" He kissed me again deeply while I blushed, I'm sure, ten shades of red.

"How about this," he continued. "Let's look at it from the stand point that we are not on any deadline...we're on vacation...that's part of what a honeymoon is, right? So let's just enjoy ourselves and see how things turn out. You know I'm fine with however long we need to be here. This is our home now. Our very own home!" He seemed as moved by that fact as I was and it was some time before we were in a position to talk again. This trying thing looked like it was going to make living with Edward for the time being very exciting indeed!

When he took the dishes back to the kitchen I jumped in the shower. The water was pretty warm because, even though it came from the same source as the pool outside, the heat of my home state would keep things pretty warm especially this time of year! I was a little worried and secretly hopeful that Edward might decide to join me in the shower and just thinking about that had my heart and hormones soaring. But I also was a bit nervous because, no matter what and who I loved and wanted to be with...I had never been with anyone before and this was all new to me.

I slipped on the robe I found hanging on the door as I got out of the shower and walked back into the bedroom to find Edward dressed for hiking.

"What's up?" I asked suspiciously. Me and hiking would never really get along well, and I felt that I'd had enough of that while trying to split the newborns up two months ago! Hiking and me were definitely not meant for each other!

"Don't worry," he said, putting a pair of my jeans and some sunscreen on the bed for me. "We're just going to walk around a bit and take a look at our property. Don't you want to see a little more of the place?" he asked temptingly. And what was I supposed to say to that? First of all, I would go anywhere with him and he had to know that! And secondly, this was Arizona! A place I found beautiful...it was home to me in ways I had never really defined as home. So I pulled on my clothes and shoes, slathered on some sun screen and we walked out the back of the house.

I had to pause for a while and admire again the pool. It was a tiny oasis in the middle of all the heat and rocks and dust. I was really looking forward to taking a dip later. The look on Edwards face said he was thinking about the same thing...maybe more!

After that we walked further on behind the house and up the hillside. The house backed up against the beginning of a steep rock outcrop the slowly rose to form a modest sized mountain. It was every shade of tan and red and brown and cream...so warm and vibrant. I know that many people would have found Forks to be much more soothing or whatever...but I would take this any day...unless Edward was not part of that package, of course.

We strolled lazily around the house and over a few of the nearby hills and rock ledges. Hand and hand we looked east out over the valley our house was perched above and thought about the sunrise we had both witnessed earlier that day.

The heat beat at us, baking into my skin and bones. It seemed to be burning away in a deep golden fire all the anxiety that had become such a part of me these last few months. All the sorrow I had wallowed in because of Jacob and because of my selfish blindness with regards to him. The sun and the wind that blew steadily around me and though my hair, the bright, bright blue sky stretching on out into infinity--all this--all this--simply took it all away. All I could hear was the wind. All I could feel was the wind and the sun and Edward's hand holding mine.

I looked at him now...shining like a sparkling diamond in the sunlight. He took my breath away...he always would, I knew that. I wondered if this place would have the same cleansing effect upon him as it was so amazingly having upon me.

What must it be like for him to finally have some place to go where the sun always shined and no one would be upset by this or afraid? I realized that this could be a sanctuary for him. He looked down suddenly, catching my stare. One eyebrow went up, questioning me.

"I was just thinking," I said, "that...I really think that this is going to be a great place for us. What about you?"

"I think you're right," he answered after a moment. He looked at me for several seconds before turning to stare back over the hills and wilderness before us. "I don't know why I never thought about having or visiting a place like this before. Carlisle and Esme often sneak away to South America where they have a little island that's remote and beautiful...I've been there and I even thought briefly about taking you there...maybe one day. I think you'll love it! And Emmett and Rosalie have toured Europe so many times I've lost count. Alice is more of a city girl at heart and Jasper always goes where she does...and I've traveled far more than the others...all over, really. But not to anywhere like this. I think I've always avoided it because...well...the sun, you know?" he looked at me and I nodded, loving hearing his thoughts like this.

"But when I thought about where you would love to go...it only took me a few moments to realize that, if at all possible, I had to give you Arizona,... and I had to share this with you. I had to! You have no idea how much you used to talk about this state in your sleep. And the times you've tried to tell me about it...it didn't do it justice! And...most of all...this is you, Bella. This place is a part of your soul, your essence. Once the thought had occurred to me, there was no other choice." He smiled down at me tenderly and I reached up and stoked his glowing face.

"Thank you so much for this, Edward. This place is a part of me...I didn't really know how much until today! I'm so glad...so...blown away!..that I finally get to share this with you! Being here...here with you...it feels like...like... starting a new chapter in our lives. I know that sounds hokey...but that's the way I feel."

I leaned up and claimed his lips in gratitude for the moment, for now being a part of him and his being a part of me...for all we had been through and the future that lay before us. He pulled me tightly into his arms, kissing me slowly, deeply, and with a returning passion that I had no intention of stopping! My eyes drifted shut as his lips moved over mine, trailing down my neck and throat, his hands moving through my hair, down my back. My shirt seemed to no longer be as attached as before because his cold hands were moving over flesh that had, moments before, been covered. My breathing became shaky as he continued to explore and his mouth came back to mine in an urgent yet still restrained kiss.

My hands and lips were equally occupied as I explored again his wonderfully sculpted chest, his shoulders, his back as hard as granite and as soft as silk. My hands and fingers drifted over this wonderful terrain, gaining more and more territory by the second.

Suddenly I was held tightly and Edward seemed to pause for a breath. It was funny how his breathing would so often match mine in these moments when I knew he didn't, technically, need to breath.

"This trying thing is really quite...," he whispered haltingly, "Really...amazing!" he looked down at my flushed face. His eyes were so intense, so bright.

"Amazing," I whispered back. We stood there for several seconds just staring into each others eyes. Finally, Edward looked away, held me close once more and quickly readjusted several pieces of my clothing and his.

"How about a swim?" he asked with his special smile. I took a deep breath. Edward in bed was one thing, Edward here on this hillside looking out onto forever, was another thing, indeed. But I didn't know if I could survive Edward in that pool!

"Sounds like a great idea!" I said bravely. My heart started pounding at the very thought and Edward seemed to sense that immediately because he grinned, swept me up into his arms and practically flew us back to the house and up the stairs to our room. This was going to be interesting, to say the least!

4. TRIAL AND ERROR

The water was perfect! I floated in serene peace...for the moment. I hadn't been in a bathing suit in a while—and definitely not with Edward! The little blue bikini that Alice had oh so thoughtfully packed was, I admitted, cute, pretty...and very revealing. More so than any bathing suit I had previously ever worn in my life! Edward's reaction to it was priceless and nerve wracking!

He was swimming somewhere beneath me...not needing to breath was a big advantage. His navy blue trunks left way too much of him exposed for my poor heart to take for very long! I felt a splash of water over me and opened my eyes to see Edward looming over me grinning. It was unreal the way the sun and water combined to make him almost seem translucent! Like some statue of a god carved from living diamonds. He was breathtaking! It was strange seeing him so long in the sun. Before this, I had only really seen him in the sunlight on rare occasions. This entire day had been mostly me hanging out with this amazing glowing version of Edward. He seemed to be enjoying it, too.

"Have you ever spent this much time in the sun before?" I had to ask. He bobbed next to me his hands spreading my hair out on the water, watching it trail out behind me.

"Yes--but it's been a while. For a few years after Emmett and Rosalie got together, I had a hard time being with the family for long blocks of time. They were very...very...what's the word?"

"Romantic...?"

"Lustful, is the nicest word I can think of. It got a bit much hearing their thoughts all the time! So I went down to that island I told you about? The one Carlisle and Esme have? It's very private...tiny really. I stayed there for some time. It was nice...different. I hadn't been in the sun that much, I guess, since I was human. I remember laying on the beach all day for several days and just...staring at the sun,"

His voice had that far off sound it always got when he was remembering something...especially something that meant a lot to him. He was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he continued.

"It was amazing and a bit...unnerving. I think that that was also when I realized some of what I had lost when my humanity was traded in for this." He motioned at himself. He looked down at me and caught the worried look in my eyes. Stroking my face softly, he went on to say, "But this is not the same, Bella. For one thing...It's a lot hotter here than at the island. That is one thing I'm positive about," he laughed. "And the heat is wonderful! For another...I was alone there...so it was quiet but...not that stimulating after a while. But now...you're here! So I get the sun and this wonderful heat, the bliss of being alone in my head, and the woman I love...all in one package! What could possibly be better?"

He grinned down at me before lightly kissing my eyes and lips. I smiled up at him, relieved that he was as happy with this place and all it meant as I was. He turned to lay on his back in the water beside me, taking my hand and closing his eyes. We stayed like that for a long time, just floating in the pool, the coolness of the water beneath me and the blazing heat of the sun above made for a very soothing and pleasantly draining experience.

After a while the sun got a bit much for even me and I dove under the water to cool off completely. Swimming to the other end of the pool, I gasped when I felt Edward grab me suddenly from behind and pull me back against him.

"I think that a little more 'trying' could be in order," he whispered in my ear. "What do you think?" I turned in his arms and wrapped mine around his neck and let my lips trail down his neck and throat.

I thought that might be the best answer to his question, and I was proved right. Edward held me tightly, straining me to him. Feeling his body so close to mine, molded to mine, with only tiny scraps of material separating us...it was intoxicating.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he whispered shakily. I would have said the same about him had I been able to breath properly. His hands ran over every inch of my body as mine followed a similar path. He was being careful, but I could tell he was also letting himself go farther and farther with me and I was exhilarated! He seemed to grow more urgent...both of us did as he suddenly picked me up and I wrapped my legs tightly around his hips and gasped to feel every inch of him against me. He moaned against my throat and I ran my hands up his back and into his hair. He hungrily kissed my lips, my neck, my eyes, my throat before moving lower. I eventually had to lean back in his arms as he continued to explore every inch of my exposed skin with his lips.

It was mind-numbing, intoxicating! At some point my bikini top must have been discarded because it definitely wasn't in sight any longer and I had no memory or interest in what had happened to it. Edward was driving me to peaks of ecstasy I had only dreamed about and I gripped his hair, holding him to me and to where his lips continued to play with my sanity. He moaned against me, moving in my tight embrace, holding himself even closer to me, if that was possible. I realized I was whimpering as his lips moved even more urgently over me, driving more pleasure into me. He gasped as I moved my hips against him, holding him to me. His head came up and his lips locked onto mine more deeply than I could ever remember.

Slowly, though, his lips and hands grew calmer, decreasing their urgency, becoming more and more tender and less ardent. I groaned as I realized that this moment of 'trying' was coming to an end. He finally leaned his forehead against mine and we both just breathed for a moment...my heart slowly resuming a more normal pace. He leaned back to look me in the eyes, his own radiating the same longing and pleasure I was definitely experiencing.

"Oh, Bella," he breathed. "You have no idea what you do to me! I never knew I could feel this much...this much more intensely for you than I already did. I've wanted so much of you, for you, for so long...to be able to touch you like this and be with you...it's overwhelming!" He hands moved softly over me once again, but with only gentle passion and tenderness.

Looking into his eyes, my own filled with tears for a moment. He was saying all that I felt, too, and I leaned up to kiss his eyes and cheek, and mouth. We held each other for a long moment before he lowered me back to my feet and magically found my top and re-tied it for me, grinning the entire time.

"Lunch time...or early dinner," he announced abruptly, swinging me up into his arms and carrying me over to the lounge chairs where our towels were laying. "You stay here," he said, kissing my ear. "I'll get your food." He gave me one last look before disappearing into the house.

I breathed deeply for a few seconds before looking up into the bright blue sky and grinning. 'Oh, Edward!' I thought. 'You are too much!' Drying myself slightly and squeezing most of the water out of my hair, I laid down on the lounge and closed my eyes, feeling the blazing heat of the Arizona sun bake into me once again.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, the sun had moved behind the mountain and the pool was in shadow. Looking around, I found Edward lying on the lounge chair next to me, for all the world like he was asleep. He heard me turn my head and grinned, his eyes still closed.

"I thought you'd never wake up!" He teased. Opening his eyes he sat up and pulled a small table over to me. It contained a covered plate filled with tempting snacks and sandwiches. He was definitely getting good at the food thing. I sat up and started munching, realizing that I was starving.

The heat and the pool definitely inspired a hearty appetite. As before, Edward just smiled and watched me eat. Then he laid back down on the lounge and gazed up at the sky. It was my turn to watch him. Edward could be unnervingly still. He smiled about something and glanced over at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Just you," he answered, smiling a very alluring smile and letting his eyes roam over me. I felt myself blush but refused to look away. I was his after all, and he was mine. I let my eyes travel over his amazing frame boldly...loving to be able to look at him this way without feeling weird or guilty in any way. I looked up to see him grinning his head off, having watched me stare at him. I just smiled back slyly.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked quietly, and I knew there were several meanings to his question. I grinned and nodded.

"Absolutely!" I answered. He smiled and watched me finish eating before rising from the chair picking up the plate and cover. He was gone for a few seconds before returning to ask me if I wanted to go watch the sunset. In order to see that, we would have to go way up to the top of the mountain behind us. I looked up at the rock faces above us and thought about it for a second.

"Sounds like a plan," I told him grinning. I got up and walked into the house and to our room to change. He was there before me, already dressed, and watched me get out of the now notorious bikini and into a pair of jeans and a tank top. I was slowing getting used to being more open with my body around him but I knew I was blushing furiously the whole time! Grinning at me when I was done, he picked me up and we practically flew out of the house and almost the entire way up the incline and rock face behind the house. Before we reached to top, he sat me down and we walked the rest of the way hand in hand. The view from the top was incredible. Before us lay peak upon peak and valley after valley, all glowing in the red sunlight. The valleys were purple with shadows and the few wispy clouds were flames of every color—like swirls of sherbet. The wind was light and the smell of summer and heat was all around us. Amazing. We sat down on an outcrop of crumbling stone, my head on Edward's shoulder and his arm around me and we watched the sun slowly set beyond the horizon.

Eventually we went back to the house and I got in the shower. I wasn't surprised...well, not too much..when Edward peaked in and asked to join me. I thought I would faint right then and there...but I wanted him in there with me too much to say anything that might make him change his mind.

Being with him in the pool had slightly prepared me for him seeing pretty much, if not all, of me. But, somehow, it had not prepared me for seeing all of him...not by a long shot! But he was so calm and tender with me; holding me close and softly washing my hair. He seemed fascinated with it, running his hands through it again and again. He then softly but steadily washed the rest of me as I shyly did the same for him. My heart was pounding almost the entire time and I had a hard time looking him in the eyes at first. But he finally leaned down to look into my eyes and smiled and kissed my nose and I calmed down a lot after that. He was making everything so normal and wonderful at the same time. As always, Edward was full of surprises.

After the shower we sat up in bed in our robes, just holding each other and talking a little about the day and the wedding, off and on. This was so unlike the many nights we had stayed together at Charlie's house. There we had had to whisper almost every conversation and going to bed and just being with Edward privately like this was always reserved for later in the evening or night depending on what the day had been like.

The only time we had gotten to spend together without supervision or the threat of it had been those nights before the confrontation with Victoria and her army and a few nights after we were engaged officially when Charlie had once again thought I was out of town with Alice...this time shopping for wedding supplies that I'd had no real interest in.

This was so much better on so many levels. If we whispered it was because we wanted to, because the moment called for it, somehow. And we could stay like this for as long as we wanted and talk about and do whatever we wanted without fear of being interrupted. There was a serenity that came with that knowledge. Just knowing that there was no time limit and no real boundaries made things so peaceful, so right.

Edward kept stroking my hair and cheeks as we talked and didn't talk. It was very lulling. I knew that under more normal circumstances, I would feel like drifting to sleep, but that wasn't the feeling that was rising in me at the moment.

I turned to him, finally, and leaned up to softly kiss his chin and throat before looking into his eyes. They were once again ablaze and I gasped as he quickly leaned down to meld his lips with mine, his hands spearing through my hair. I cautiously let my hands wander inside his robe and he flinched at the touch, kissing me more ardently, his lips following that familiar trail down my neck and throat. As his lips traveled over my collarbone and shoulders I felt him turn me so that he lay over me. My heart rate soared as his cool hands followed my example and opened my robe for their further exploration.

This was completely outside any experience of my short life! His lips quickly followed everywhere his hands had traveled and I moaned beneath him, twisting mindlessly in waves of intense pleasure!

My own hands were similarly occupied and having a definite effect. Edwards groaned as I touched every part of him, sometimes shyly, and other times so boldly that he finally gasped and grabbed my hand firmly in one of his and held it above my head whispering urgently in my ear.

"Careful, love! 'Trying', remember?" He continued to hold onto my wrist as he lowered his head yet again to continue the journey his lips had begun. I cried out as he tormented me with those cold lips, shaping me to him, holding me ever closer.

My legs had a a will of there own, as they were soon wrapped around his waist and holding me to him urgently. I was drowning in ecstasy, wave after wave of such pleasure I had never known existed. He moaned my name and moved slightly over me, letting me feel him fully for the first time. It was overwhelming! He gasped and kissed me urgently.

But something began to intrude on the earth-shattering pleasure I was experiencing. At first I didn't know or care what it was but then I sharply knew and cried out involuntarily as I felt my wrist being squeezed in what seemed like a vice. I yelled out loudly when Edward didn't seem to hear me because the pressure kept increasing and it hurt so much I thought it might break!

Tears were coming to my eyes and I yelled again and suddenly the pressure was gone and I lay there cradling my wrist and crying. I didn't want to cry! Of course not! My God—this night was everything I wanted and I never wanted Edward to even think about stopping. But this was pain I had only felt once before...though a lot less. When James had stalked me across that ballet studio. The pain then had been far greater but I still couldn't help but react. My wrist was throbbing and I could barely move it without sending shooting pain up my arm.

I looked up as I felt the bed move and Edward was standing there looking down on me with such appalled shock on his face that had it not been for the incredible pain I was feeling I would have done anything to stop. But the pain was there. That was a fact my injured body was not able to ignore. I didn't know if my wrist was broken, I suspected not, but the pain was similar. Edwards expression turned into a mask as he quickly left the room and returned with a first aid kit thoughtfully supplied by either Esme or Emmett. I suspected the later but didn't care at the moment.

"May I look at it, Bella," he asked gruffly. Trying to stop crying and not succeeding, I nodded and he gently held my wrist in his cold hands, turning it slightly causing me to wince and fresh tears to come.

His face grew even sterner as he reached into he box and drew out an ace bandage. He gently but firmly wrapped and secured it with a sling before pausing and wrapping my robe around me once again. His own robe had been forgotten for the moment but, amazingly, I wasn't thinking about that. He came back to me with a glass of water and several pills.

"Tylenol with codeine." he told me and watched as I swallowed them and leaned back against the head board. My head felt light and my tears slowed as shock set in and my wrist grew slightly numb with the pain.

Edward picked up his robe, paused looking down at it for a moment, and then shrugged it on. He walked over to the window and stood leaning his head against the glass for a long time while I waited for the painkiller to take some measure of effect. Eventually he walked back to the bed and sat down at the end. We sat there, then, staring at each other in miserable silence until the codeine finally claimed me and I fell asleep.

5. PAUSE AND REFLECT

The next day was one of the most stressful and miserable days of my life. I woke up some time very early the next morning to find Edward in a chair he'd put by the bed. He was now fully clothed and had a glass of water and more pills in his hand. That was fine by me because the pain was what had woken me up. I was soon back to sleep. I hated drugs and usually didn't care for the effect they had on me, but I knew I needed this and welcomed it.

What I didn't welcome was the look on Edward's face while he watched me take the pills. He was more like stone than I had ever seen him. There was no smile and no frown. It was a blank mask that would have scared me to death had the pain and drugs not been clouding my mind.

At least my dreams were pleasant. I relived the wonderful moments Edward and I had spent together here at the house...relived and built upon, as only your dreams will allow. However, worry and guilt also stalked my sleep and, as I began to wake up for a second time, my dreams were filled with self-condemnation.

I opened my eyes and winced a little at the pain in my wrist. The drugs seemed to be working so it was better but definitely not as good as new. From previous experience from all the other times I've hurt myself or been hurt, I knew this was going to take a while. I carefully scooted myself up in bed putting no weight on that wrist. Leaning back against the headboard I contemplated getting up and going to the bathroom. I also noticed that Edward was not in his chair. Looking around I spotted him once again staring out the window.

"Good morning," I said quietly after waiting without success for him to turn around. A few more moments passed before he turned and looked at me. I caught a glimpse of the expression I was dreading before the mask returned.

"You need to eat...I'll go get you some breakfast. Then you can have some more pain medicine, alright?" His quiet reply was unnerving. I barely said alright before he was out of the room. It felt like he couldn't bear to see me, to even be in the same room that I was in. I knew that was irrational and that he would be beating himself up about last night...but it was as much my fault as his!

I got up carefully feeling woozy from the drugs and made my way to the bathroom. I looked a mess. Going back to the bedroom, I put on some clothes and then proceeded to try to make myself look a bit more presentable. Ugh! I already knew this would be a day out of a nightmare. How to get through it?

Edward came back into the room, then, and looked a little surprised to see me up. There was a brief frown on his face and I could tell he would have liked for me to stay in bed for a while, but it was my wrist not my whole body or my legs or something! He needed to remember that this was Bella he was dealing with. The girl that could barely walk across a room without something unfortunate happening to her. I had definitely had worse...of course, that didn't make any of this any better.

"Can I eat downstairs?" I asked. I kind of needed a new location. And I felt that Edward did, too.

"Of course!" he answered. He paused for a moment before carefully picking me up and carrying me downstairs. I had a battle with this because, for one thing, I was fully capable of walking...but on the other hand, I felt like Edward was feeling like he couldn't touch me, and that was something I couldn't handle at the moment.

I tried to distract myself from thinking about the inevitable conversation that would soon take place. I hadn't really been in the kitchen other than my first little tour. It was very homey and warm. Much bigger than Charlie's...more open, with windows looking both out toward the front of the house and the back. I sat at the little kitchen table and ate my eggs and bacon, drank my juice, and watched as Edward stood and stared out the front windows. How much I wanted to know what he was thinking...but I could probably guess. I hated this! He was so upset—that was obvious—and he had been brooding about this all night while I slept. And Edward could seriously brood about things when given the slightest chance, as experience had shown me time and again!

I finished my breakfast and walked my dishes over to the sink. Looking at Edward, still standing with his back to me, I shook my head and walked into the large living room. There was a cozy set of couches set at the back of the room overlooking the pool and that seemed as good a place as any to gather my thoughts. Edward stayed in the kitchen...for probably similar reasons.

So...okay. It had happened. The one thing we had both feared. And Edward had warned me. He had told me and told me how dangerous it would be for us to try to be together while I was still so breakable. And I, like the selfish, stupid idiot that I was, had insisted that 'everything would be okay!' Okay? My wrist was killing me, Edward was in full guilt mode, and I had once again proven that I had a selfish streak a mile wide.

Knowing what Edward was capable of, how incredibly strong he is, and how worried he had been that something terrible would happen...I had to be thankful that it was only my wrist that got hurt...and not even broken. I thought about that iron rose from his bed at the Cullen's house and shuddered. For the first time I allowed myself to imagine what could have happened...and I knew that that was what Edward had been thinking about all night. Why had I insisted on this 'human experience'? Why had I insisted on experiencing something that was both dangerous and, really...when I let myself think about it...selfish on so many levels. While I was basking in all the pleasure Edward had been showering on me, he had been having to restrain himself at every turn. How much true enjoyment could that have brought him?

And to top it all off...I knew that there was no way I would be willing to 'try' again while human...even if Edward was...which was an impossibility. I already knew that. I couldn't even think about attempting to convince myself or him that that would be a good idea on any level! Because I finally understood how ridiculous it had been to try it at all. I knew that I would always treasure those moments before...before the wrist incident. But I also knew that pain was pain. And I wanted to stay as far from that as possible.

The real issue now was Edward. Talking to Edward... That was not going to be fun. I couldn't stand having him so upset for the rest of our time here. And if I was going to convince him to go ahead and change me...well...I didn't want him this guilt-ridden when the time came. Honestly, the more I thought about it...he should just go ahead and get it over with. Then neither one of us would have to be brooding like this over what now seemed to be a very simple situation with an incredibly simple solution.

As a vampire, I wouldn't be worrying about my wrist or other body parts where Edward was concerned. And he wouldn't have to be so careful with me and be so afraid of hurting me. It was simple, it was logical, it was the best solution and something that we had already decided would happen anyway. So there!

Okay--so, why was I curled up on the couch staring out at the pool and wilderness outside the window instead of talking about this right now with Edward? I knew why...because pain was pain, whether physical or emotional, and I knew that very soon now I would probably be dealing with double doses of both.

I had sat there trying to work up the nerve to get up and go talk to Edward for I don't know how long when Edward finally came and sat down on the couch opposite me. He looked out the window for a while before leaning his head back against the cushions and heaving a deep sigh. It was not a sigh of contentment, of that I was sure.

I stared warily at him until his eyes came down and found mine. He stared at me for a moment before running his hands through his already wild hair. He looked at me again and gave me a grimace of a smile. We just stared at each other for a while before he finally spoke.

"Forgive me?" he asked, so quietly I almost couldn't hear him. His eyes looked haunted and resigned, and so disgusted with himself. I hated this!

"Edward! There's nothing to forgive," I said just as quietly with all the sincerity in my heart.

"Nothing to forgive? Bella!" His voice rising a few octaves as he leaned forward. "I could have killed you! I ...I can't believe I did that! I actually forgot...I forgot...," he stopped and got to his feet and walked over to the window again, staring out.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, mystified. He turned back to me and stared into my eyes, his filled with anguish.

"I forgot," he whispered, "I forgot that I was still holding your wrist! Your poor wrist! Oh, God, Bella...you have no idea how lucky we are that I didn't break it...or worse. I wasn't thinking at all right then...I...!" He leaned his head back against the window with his eyes shut. He was a statue representing grief and guilt. But I couldn't have that.

"I know you're upset, Edward. And I'm not happy about my wrist either, of course not. But I have to share in whatever guilt you're wallowing in, too." He looked at me sharply then, a frown on his face.

"What are you talking about, Bella? This is on me...completely..I know that. So don't try to take the blame... how could you?"

"Oh really?" I asked. "So...you didn't warn me repeatedly that something like this or worse could happen? You didn't try to convince me to wait until I was less breakable...more durable? You didn't do those things?" I got up and stood face to face with him as he frowned down at me.

"Then who was that man? Because I distinctly remember you telling me those things and I seem to recall that it was me telling you that there was no way you could hurt me," I paused and stared up at him while he continued to frown down at me.

"You also told me," I continued quietly, "after I said that you wouldn't allow yourself to hurt me, that it might not work out that way. You were honest with me, Edward. You were honest with yourself. You knew that there was a risk. I was the one who pushed for this, insisted on this...," I turned and started to walk back to the couch but felt Edward's hands on my shoulders. He gently turned me around and looked down at me for a moment before pulling me carefully into his arms. I knew it. He was treating me like a glass bubble again. Oh, well...I guess there was no getting around that one. At least now he was touching me again and he didn't seem to look as intensely distressed.

We stood there for a long time, both too upset to talk; upset that something had happened to spoil this precious time we had together, upset that I was hurt, upset that he had hurt me, upset that it couldn't be easy for us like it was for other people.

He finally leaned back and asked me if I needed some more pain medicine and I admitted that I did, so we walked slowing back into the kitchen where he poured me some juice and gave me some more pills.

"No more codeine, though. You need to be up and awake not drugged out," he informed me. That was fine by me. Drugged out was not the best state to be in when you know the next big hurtle is about to take place. I took my pills and drank the juice all the time watching Edward like a hawk. I took a deep breath.

"So," I began. "This pretty much leads us to the next item on the agenda...don't you think?" Probably the worse way and time to bring it up but it had to be put out there. I watched as Edward's eyes narrowed and his hands went through his hair again.

"I guess so...I have to admit that I had hoped to put that off for a while," he stared down at the floor for several moments before looking up at me and smiling a little ruefully. He sat down across from me at the kitchen table and played with my empty glass. For a moment I recalled him doing something similar in the cafeteria back in Forks--the first time we had sat across from each other like this.

"Well," he said finally. "I need to go hunt before...I haven't in a while you know," he looked up and his eyes were proof of that...something I had already noticed. They weren't black yet...but they were definitely getting darker. I had been wondering how and when he was going to handle that.

He reached across the table and unwrapped my maltreated wrist, stroking it softly. "There are probably some stress fractures...but it's not broken. That's good. The swelling will go down on it's own in a few days but you'll be bruised for quite a while. You need to keep it as immobile as possible though...it will hurt less that way." He stopped talking for moment and just sat there stroking my wrist with his cold fingers. The coolness actually felt pretty good and that reminded me of the fateful birthday disaster when the only relief from the pain had been to lay my stitched up arm against Edward's cold skin. But that memory lived right next to the most painful moments in my life and I quickly dismissed the thought.

"So...what do you plan on catching out here?" I asked, more for something to say. He played along.

"Oh, there's lots of game...more than you might think unless you kept up with that while you were living in Phoenix?" He was trying for a light mood and I really appreciated the attempt. This had been a miserable day and we were both jumping at anything to relieve the tension of it. "There are deer, bighorn sheep, black bears, javalinas...and, of course, mountain lions!" He smiled a little at that. Well, and here I was wondering what he would find to eat!

"It sounds like you will have have a nice...meal?" I tried to laugh. This was hard, too, because I didn't like the thought of him leaving and me staying here all alone. I loved this place...but it would seem strange to not be here with Edward. The idea of puttering around on my own for a few days didn't really appeal to me...but I knew that's what would need to happen eventually. He had to eat and I couldn't go with him. At least, not yet.

Neither of us brought up the subject of 'trying' anymore. We both knew that idea was no longer feasible and I think we were both still in shock over what so easily could have happened.

"When do you think you'll need to go?" I asked, suddenly wanting to put it off...at least for a while.

"I don't know...pretty soon, though. I mean...well...like you said, Bella. There is that other item on the agenda. And if we're going to do that...which we are...then, I have to be prepared. I don't want to take any more chances with you...no more." He looked down again, not meeting my eyes. I knew this was not a conversation he really wanted to have and I thought that maybe that was enough for today.

"Well, since you don't have to go right now...could we go for a walk? Maybe a short hike?" I asked trying not to wince at the word. Edward looked up and grinned a little at that.

"That sounds nice. Emmett told me there are some interesting caves not too far from here...We could check them out...if you are up to it, that is." So we changed clothes and wandered up and over the ridge behind the house. Edward could have picked me up and raced us there but neither of us was in that sort of mood. I had a feeling it was going to take us a while to get over last night. It was so unfair, really. Every time I thought about how he had made me feel and how I had evidently made him feel...my body would start to burn. I wanted this man, my husband! And I had a right to him...but still we couldn't be together. I knew that that would soon end...but it still seemed so unfair.

I caught Edward looking at me a few times in a different way and I knew he was thinking the same thing when his jaw would clench and he'd frown again. Yep—this was going to be a day that we would both be grateful to put behind us.

The caves we found--we weren't sure if they were the same ones Emmett had told Edward about but we were pretty sure he had traveled a lot farther afield than we had--were small but interesting. Edward only let me go into a few, and only the ones he could tell were safe. He was in full on protect-Bella-from-everything-and-everyone mode. I sighed but just kept going. This too would pass, I told myself.

We eventually made our way back to the house where Edward insisted yet again on making me dinner...which was delicious. I wondered briefly about that—about not liking to just eat food anymore. I really enjoyed it, but I knew that that pleasure would disappear when I joined Edward. I savored each bite thinking I might as well enjoy it while I still could.

Later we went back to the living room, settled down on a couch, and he held me against him as we sat and watched the stars come out over the pool. It would have been a perfect evening if not for the stress and strain of that day.

Edward told me he would probably go ahead and leave tomorrow so that he could be back as soon as possible. He also reminded me that we could expect some pretty severe storms as we were in the middle of Arizona's monsoon season. I hadn't really thought about that and was shocked that we had had such clear weather so far...even if the temperatures were hotter than the surface of the sun!

In bed that night, it was like old times. He curled up with me but kept his distance when it came to getting too 'close'. Honestly, I was okay with that for now. My wrist was throbbing and I knew I'd probably be on painkillers until...until I no longer had to worry about pain. I could tell that, although Edward would somehow rather I stay human, that was no longer an option for either of us and he seemed to be in a 'let's get this over with' mood.

So, it was a strange day, a tiring and stressful day, a day of growing up and facing myself a little. I was glad it was over. Edward hummed my lullaby softly in my ear and I felt myself drifting off. I had made it through this day. The pain in my wrist and in my heart a little lighter. Now, all that was left was to make it over the next and final hurdle: leaving humanity behind forever.

6. STORMS

I was sitting by the pool reading Jane Eyre and soaking up the sun when the light shining down on my book alerted me to the clouds that had finally begun to cover the sky. It had been over a day since Edward had left for his hunting trip. He had told me that he would be gone about two days...three days max, so I was starting to look for him even though it was fairly early in the day.

Before he left, Edward had made sure that my injured wrist was securely bound, wrapped up tightly with little possibility of moving, so that I would experience the least amount of discomfort. It had been hard for him to leave me and harder still for me to let him leave...but we both knew that he needed to go so that he'd feel confident, or as confident as possible, when the time came. We had gotten up early; he'd made me breakfast and then we'd walked up the ridge and talked for a long while.

We were both trying to get some of the lightness back that had dissolved after the wrist incident. We talked about how Esme and Emmett had worked on this house and what a great job they had done. Esme had such talent and interest in restoring old houses and improving on them. Edward told me that Emmett loved the demolition aspects of remodeling and renovation the best. That I believed. I grinned thinking of him tearing out walls and hauling boulders around. They had done all the work themselves, of course, but it had only taken them a little over a week to get it all done. Esme was a wizard with this. Edward told me, too, about several houses she had remodeled or designed from scratch since she had joined Carlisle. She really had an eye and a passion for this sort of thing.

He also told me that Alice had really wanted to come and help but that the wedding arrangements had kept her away. I was really grateful for that. I could only imagine what the place might have looked like had she gotten her claws into it. She was never one to do things half way...or even overboard in a normal way! I knew I had to be fair, though. She had done a beautiful job of the wedding. I was actually surprised, when I thought back about it, that she hadn't gone more over-the-top than she had. She had actually managed to keep it simple...as simple as possible, at least. I was actually starting to get curious about the pictures. I had been so overwhelmed during the wedding that I'm sure that the majority of the pictures would be a complete surprise to me!

Finally Edward said he needed to get on his way. He knew that there were lots of animals in the area that would be sufficient for him but was hoping to catch a mountain lion or at least a few black bears. Since he had never been in this area, he had researched as best he could about their migratory patterns and ranges. He was confident that he would find what he needed at not too great a distance.

When he finally left, he held me in his arms carefully...and then not so carefully as he kissed me with a small return of the passion we had experienced two days before. I just wanted to hold onto him and never let him go. It seemed he felt the same because we ended up standing there for a very long time, just silently holding each other. He eventually pulled away, kissed me, told me to be careful and not stray too far from the house...and he was gone.

I'd spent that day puttering around, exploring in ways I hadn't really wanted to while Edward had been here...at least until the accident. But now I was free to roam about with no distractions and it was oddly nice to wander through those rooms and know that they were mine.

One object drew my attention: a beautiful black baby grand piano. I had seen it earlier, of course, but I'd had no reason to think about it. It sat to one side of the fireplace and I sat down on it's bench and opened it to touch the keys softly. I wondered if I'd one day learn to play. Never as well as Edward...I knew that. As I ran my hands over the keys I thought of him playing on this piano for me...my lullaby...and I picked out a few of the notes that I knew. This made me sad though and I closed it and went to examine the rest of the living room.

The thing I really loved was that one entire wall of that room was lined with book shelves! Floor to ceiling. I had noticed that before but had given little thought to reading while here. After Edward left, I examined it thoroughly and found that it was filled with all my favorites and many more besides; books I had always planned to read but never gotten around to and books I had never heard of but looked very intriguing. I guessed that these latter books were some of Edwards collection. It was very satisfying seeing both of our books there together on the same shelves...a very simple but meaningful representation of the mixing of our lives.

The kitchen was very well-stocked and I spent time making myself little snacks, my favorites, again thinking about the limited time I had to appreciate them. Once I saw just how well-stocked the freezer and pantry was, I started planning out my meals and every meal I had from that point on was a favorite...something to hopefully remember...my lasts meals as a human.

My wrist was still painful, that hadn't changed, but being so well wrapped and with the painkillers I was taking, it was tolerable. The pool was a haven. The heat was getting thicker as the humidity kept rising. I watched the sky all that first day looking for clouds, but none appeared. Rain would be a relief.

While the sun lasted I was determined to soak up the heat and reread some of my favorite novels. I'd save the unknown books for later. Reading old favorites was so comforting. I knew that I always turned to them like a security blanket when I was feeling out of touch with my feelings or with a situation in my life.

Right now my life seemed strangely disconnected with Edward not here and with the stress we had both had to deal with the previous day. A lot of the happiness we had brought to this place had died...no, not died! It was been subdued, diminished...not killed. I was determined to do all I could to get us past this. I wanted us to think of this house as a sanctuary, not as the scene of the crime. I thought it was possible; I was already able to look past it for the most part...it wasn't like I cringed every time I entered the bedroom. Far from it! I had to stop myself from reliving all those moments prior to the accident...but I didn't do a very good job with that, truthfully!

Sleeping alone that night was strange. I so rarely slept without Edward...even before the wedding. And in a new, to me, house in the middle of nowhere...that, too, was weird. But the house was so warm and welcoming, that the strangeness passed and only the loneliness remained. I wondered where Edward was, what game had he found? Had he been able to locate some mountain lions? What would it be like to hunt with Edward? That was a question I thought about a lot. Edward had never allowed that before because he said that it would be too hard for me to be around when he let himself go during the hunt. I, of course, did not want to become the hunted, so I had never pressed for an invite. But now I wondered. What would it be like to see Edward let go of his control, let the more animal side take over? It gave me chills, honestly, just thinking about it, but I still was curious and wanted to see for myself, experience for myself, what Edward had tried to explain.

I fell asleep listening to Clair de Lune over and over that night. It was soothing to my nerves but brought a few tears, too, as I remembered how that was the first music that Edward and I realized we had in common. It made a nice substitute for my lullaby...but I missed the real thing.

I couldn't seem to stop thinking about all the car rides and conversations we had had over the relatively short time we'd known each other. I remembered how he had questioned me about every little detail of my life; trying to get to know me in a new way for him since he couldn't just read my mind. I had been so uncomfortable at the time...it seemed strange now. Those had become such dear memories to me. Meeting Edward...it had changed me, my life, in ways it would probably take decades, if not longer, for me to fully appreciate.

My dreams that night were filled with a mixture of images of Edward and I together, here and back in Forks. The heat of Arizona also starred in my dreams as well as the feeling of impending storms. I really hoped that Edward would be back before they really hit. I always thought that the monsoon season in Arizona was a strange time. Part of me had liked the change from the ever-present sun and blue sky...but, cloudy skies and rain had never been my favorite weather conditions...until meeting Edward, that is.

The clouds I spotted the next morning made me frown. I got up from my seat at the pool and put Jane Eyre away. Walking up the incline, I slowly made my way to the top of the ridge and stood and stared out to the south. Great masses of clouds had been building up for some time, it seemed. I just hadn't seen them until they began to cross the ridge at the back of the house. Edward should be on his way, I hoped. The rains during these monsoons could be incredible, quick bursts of flooding rains and then nothing at all for days or weeks. Thinking about that, I knew that I really didn't want to be alone when they hit. I knew that Edward would be more than okay if he got caught out in the weather--but I still didn't like to think of him out there in it, either.

The wind was picking up. It felt good blowing through my hair. I could smell the rain, now, mixed with sun and earth and the tang of creosote. I breathed deep. It was a very cleansing smell, and exciting, too, in a way. The clouds were building so fast, I knew that it would be raining within a very short time. I thought about going back to the house, but I really hoped that any second Edward would spring into sight. I loved the idea of greeting him out here under the sky. So, I walked on a bit further and kept an eye on the darkening clouds. I wasn't going to go too far.

The wind continued to pick up and I was just about to head back when I thought I heard a sound some distance behind me and turned to see if Edward had found me. No one was there. The wind must have dislodged a stone, I thought. I decided to walk a bit further but every now and then I could have sworn I heard some small sound somewhere behind me. It was unnerving so I started to make my way down and around the ridge to come back to the house from the front. This was a more difficult hike and I hadn't really thought about doing anything like this when I set out. But the thought of traveling back the way I had come sent a sense of danger through me. My brain told me I was imagining things because I could clearly see that there was nothing there. But my senses were all stirred up now and logic was not going to win.

The clouds were covering the sky when I reached the bottom of the ridge on the far side and began the trek around to the house. Large drops of rain began to hit the ground around me and my hair was slowly becoming drenched. It grew darker, too, and I realized that this was going to be one mother of a storm.

What had I been thinking? I should have stayed near the house! Now I was wet and getting wetter by the second and it was raining harder and harder so that I was worried about slipping and even seeing my way. This was horrible! I stumbled and slithered down an incline catching my bad wrist in the progress. The pain almost made me faint and I had to stop for a moment to catch my breath and wait for it to subside. I was cursing myself over and over for leaving the house. These monsoons could drop three or more inches in minutes and I knew I was in for it if I didn't get in the house asap! I stopped for a moment to try to see through the sheets of rain. I began to have the awful feeling that I had gotten turned around when I fell a few minutes back. Great! Wonderful! Edward was going to kill me...if he ever found me.

I stumbled on, more wet than I'd ever gotten living in Forks. I thought I saw a familiar outcrop of rock ahead and aimed for it. It was getting so dark and hard to see with all the rain that I was now stumbling and sliding on the rocks every few seconds. I was getting pretty scared and had a sense of relief when I thought I saw movement ahead. I yelled out for Edward knowing he'd see me and get me inside quickly, but he didn't come. I must have been imagining things, again. I kept heading in the direction I thought I should be going but the ground was running with water. I fell and this time slid down an incline I hadn't even seen. I fell quite a ways before I slammed into a large bush and grabbed at the branches in panic. My wrist was aching, my arms had gotten cut up from the different falls and now this bush. I was only glad of the rain so I didn't have to smell it if I was bleeding. That was all I needed.

By this time I was truly scared. I knew that I must have gotten turned around and I had no idea where to go or what to do. A large outcrop seemed to be to my right and I headed there, practically blindly, because it looked like the best bet for some sort of shelter. I only fell a couple of times getting there and was sobbing with relief once I reached it and pulled myself under its overhang. I sat there soaked to the bone and holding my wrist for a long moment before I realized I wasn't alone.

Sitting to one side of me, just inches away, was Demetri. He had his cloak pulled around him and he looked just as wet as I was. He was just sitting there looking at me and I realized that he had been the source of all those little sounds and the movement I had thought I'd seen moments ago. He had been playing with me. He could have come out in the open at any time.

My heart was racing now with an entirely different kind of fear as I wondered why on earth he was here and how on earth he'd found me. I knew he was a tracker...better than James, even. But I thought, Edward had thought, that he wouldn't be able to track me. Where was Edward, I wondered in panic.

"Wet out there, isn't it, Bella?" He asked conversationally. He smiled and watched my reaction. I tried to at least appear calm.

"It's monsoon season," I said in what I hoped was a matter-of-fact voice but I knew came off as shaky and scared.

"You don't say? Great timing, huh?" He leaned back and pulled himself deeper under the incline. It looked like he was just hanging out...in Arizona...for no purpose whatsoever. Right!

"So," I began and cleared my throat. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and noticed my hand was shaking a little. Taking a deep breath I began again. "You're a long way from home."

"That's the truth! You and Edward have been a little tough to track down. I hear congratulations are in order? Might I be talking to Mrs. Edward Cullen?" He grinned at me like we were old friends. I didn't know what his game was but it looked like, for now, I would have to play it.

"Yes, thank you. We're here on our honeymoon." This was bizarre! I couldn't be sitting here under a rock during a flood and talking to a Volturi guard about my wedding. What was going on?

"Interesting place to choose. I can see the appeal...when it's not raining like this, of course. It's remote. You can be out in the sun all you want and not worry about being observed. It's nice and hot...lovely! Very picturesque. Of course, you'd have to be a Cullen or the like to be able to stand this for any length of time seeing as how there are no people for hundreds of miles. But...I can see the appeal."

He was nodding to himself as though he was reviewing the high points of a vacation getaway. Stranger and stranger. The little I remembered of Demetri was that he seemed not as sinister as Felix. That was about the best and only recommendation I could dredge up. And yet here we were, like old friends, sitting together and talking about my wedding and honeymoon choices.

"You're probably wondering what brings me all the way out here to pay you and Edward this visit." Understatement of the century and he knew it. It seemed that he was enjoying dragging this out.

"I am curious about that," I answered calmly. The rain poured on around us and the water was flowing like a waterfall down the incline, now, with no end in sight.

"Well, a lot has happened since the last time you saw any of us. It seems that when Jane and Felix came to offer aid during that newborn crisis that the Cullens managed to handle on their own--my compliments to them, by the way!--it seems that it was noticed that you were still...you. If you know what I mean? So...that got a lot of discussion started back home. You see, Caius...he didn't much like the fact that you were allowed to leave Volterra alive to begin with. He was quite...upset...about it. Then Jane and Felix reporting on the fact that you were still human, despite the impending change and all...that seemed to push him over the edge. I can tell you...it's not been pleasant back home...not at all!" He nodded in my direction meaningfully, as though he was just gossiping with an old buddy he hadn't seen in years.

"Of course, Aro was all for letting things go...since he saw your friend Alice's thoughts he's been very...'laid back', I think the phrase is?...about the entire thing. He really believes what he saw. But since Caius didn't see it and he didn't agree with Aro to begin with, well, things have finally come to a head." He paused, wrapping his cloak about himself more securely and leaning his head back against the wall.

"Those two have been back and forth on this for weeks. I was sent to find you no matter what the decision. I'll admit, I was glad to get away for a while. Like I said, it has not--been--pleasant around there lately." he shook his head and I could tell that his definition of 'not pleasant' must be absolutely horrid.

"Well, as I've said, I was to find you and that was harder than I thought it would be. You're kind of hard to see, Bella. Actually, I have to admit that I didn't really find you. I found where Edward was staying and, as luck would have it, you were here, too!" He grinned at me. "And good timing, too, because I got the call today that a decision, of sorts, had been reached. Thank goodness!" He sighed with satisfaction and closed his eyes for a moment. I was sure mine were as wide as saucers as I sat there and listened to this calm and friendly monster.

"And?" I asked gruffly. There was no point telling him that Edward wasn't here because he was preparing himself to change me by being as well fed as possible. What could any words of mine possibly mean to this creature?

"Well...it's rather complicated. You see, Aro really values Carlisle as a friend ...from his past and all...and quite frankly, he figures he's got all the time in the world to one day convince some or all of the Cullens to join us. He's a very patient being, Bella. Believe me." He gave me a very pointed look at that. "On the other hand, I get the impression that Caius never really approved of Carlisle and he definitely didn't like him leaving their inner circle. I have a hard time imagining that myself. I mean, think about it, Bella! Carlisle was one of them! He wasn't one of their guard, like I am. He was treated as an equal...and he walked away from that," he shook his head in wonder and disbelief. Clearly walking away from the Volturi was not a done thing.

"It's been my understanding that Caius resents Carlisle for leaving them and isn't at all in the mood to do him any favors...quite the opposite, in fact. So you can imagine how complicated things got where you are involved," he smiled a little wryly at me as he said this. I just sat there like a stone, my heart racing as I awaited the verdict.

"To make this long story as short as possible," he grinned again, " I have two orders. They couldn't just make it easy could they? The fact is, Bella," he paused and looked at me again. "The fact is...Aro doesn't want you dead...but Caius does. I'm under instructions that if I find you and you are a vampire, which you're not," he paused and smiled apologetically and a little admonishingly at me, "I was to leave you be and come back home. That's clearly not an option anymore. Here's where it gets complicated. Aro has told me that if I find you and you are still human...I'm to go ahead and change you myself."

My heart stopped beating for a moment and then raced on; some measure of relief timidly beginning to send feeling back into my body that was numb with fear.

"Ah, but wait!" he must have sensed my change of feelings. "Caius gave no such orders. According to him, I am to view you and Edward as criminals to be destroyed if I found you unchanged." I gasped involuntarily at this. Demetri nodded.

"I know! It's all very confusing. And since both of these orders come from those whom I've sworn to obey--I'm left with trying to make them both happy. Something that's obviously an impossibility!" He sat there shaking his head at the thought. The numbing sense of fear had slammed back into me with full force. I felt like I was in a nightmare.

"So the end of the matter is...your fate and Edward's has been left to me. Do I follow Aro's directive and anger Caius? Or do I obey Caius and enrage Aro? More simply put, Bella, is this: Are you to be family or are you to be food?" He grinned widely at me and laughed at his little joke as the rain poured down around me.

7. THE FIRE

I sat there listening to this laughing monster and wondered if I had ever felt so alone before. The rain continued to pour down around me with no sign of ceasing. I was soaked to the bone. My wrist was screaming in pain. Yet, none of that could possibly distract me from staring in morbid fascination at Demetri...laughing.

He finally stopped and laid his head back against the rock and looked like a person who had settled down to take a nap. I eventually forced myself to look away from him and closed my eyes against the intense pain that shot through me at the thought that I was probably never going to see Edward again. Thinking of him finding me dead, of being attacked himself...waves of misery flowed through me like the water streaming all around.

"Hey!" Demetri said suddenly and I looked up at him in panic. "What are you thinking? Nothing is set in stone! Don't write yourself off...that's the expression, right?" He grinned again at this and winked at me. This was so bizarre! What was I supposed to think or do? Could I possibly try to talk to him...tell him why Edward wasn't here?

"There's a reason," I started...my voice cracking with nervousness, "that Edward isn't here, you know?" He raised his eyebrows as I said this. He had a strange expression on his face; a sort of knowing smile that I couldn't understand.

"Do tell," he said.

"Edward went hunting so that he would be able to...would be able to, change me...without...without killing me...," I said, haltingly. Demetri smiled understandingly and nodded.

"That makes sense," he said. "He is being very careful with you, it seems."

"He loves me," I answered simply. The knowledge of Edward's love washed over me and tears began to stream from my eyes mixing with the rain. Edward loves me! I love you, Edward! I yelled this thought out inside my head and only wished that he could hear me, just this once. Just one time before I died. I didn't realize I was sobbing until I felt a rough pat on my shoulder that practically sent me running...whatever good that would have done. Demetri patted my shoulder again.

"I'm sure he does. Why else risk all of this, right? Ah!" he sighed and leaned back again. "Why does life have to be so complicated, aye?" He stared out into the rain, that same strange expression on his face. I noticed that his eyes seemed to search through the rain. What is he waiting for, I asked myself.

We had sat there for some time in silence when he suddenly sighed again and smiled. Looking down at me he said the strangest thing.

"So...what's the expression? 'Let's get this show on the road?' I like that! This should be interesting. You'll have to let me know what you think...hopefully," and he grinned down at me for a moment before standing up swiftly in the rain, grabbing my arms and dragging my paralyzed body up with him.

He smiled down at me once more before he became a blur and searing pain flooded my shoulder. I cried out and went limp in his hands as fire began to consume me. I knew this pain! He had bitten me! Why?

He sat me back down and stood over me as waves of fire seared through my shoulder and arm. This was immeasurably worse than the bite James had inflicted upon me. I couldn't stop the screams I knew were coming from me as I felt the fire charring my flesh. How could anyone survive this? The pain was shattering. We had wanted to try using morphine to help me deal with it. I had secretly hoped to be unconscious through the entire thing!

This was everything I had dreaded and much, much more besides!. I was writhing on the ground, unaware of whatever Demetri might or might not be doing. I thought about Demetri standing over me and screamed again.

"Don't leave me like this!" I screamed at him. "I can't! I can't! The fire!" I screamed and screamed. Whatever I had imagined was nothing compared to the feeling of fire destroying my flesh, eating through me. I wanted to die...anything to stop the pain. I thought about Edward and the screaming became whimpers. I tried to think...about anything, anything. But it was useless to try to distract myself. I tried to think about Carlisle. Carlisle had stayed quite during his transformation. Think about Carlisle! I whimpered again and cried out but held on to the screams that threatened to rise again. This was impossible. Where was Demetri? I managed to open my eyes for a moment and look through the rain. I couldn't see him. Why had he done this? Why had he just left me here like this? It made no sense.

oooooooooo

The pain began to overwhelm my senses and I felt as though I was disconnected from reality as something seemed to bump into me...I thought I heard something, someone...voices...loud but I couldn't concentrate on them. I felt as though I was being moved but I couldn't be sure.

The next thing I was positive about was that I suddenly felt much more pain. How could that be possible? It was coming from my throat, now, and my other arm...my ankles were in flames! I could hear the screams coming from me in piercing waves, but it almost felt as though I was hearing someone else. The fire was consuming me and there was no where to run, no way to escape.

oooooooooo

Time no longer had any meaning for me. I drifted through my memories in search of escape from the fire that now burned through every part of my body and soul. Pain was the only reality.

Pain and memories. Edward...Edward at school...Edward in his Volvo...listening to music in his room...saying 'I do'...leaning over me in the hospital...fighting with Victoria...cooking me breakfast...talking to Charlie...flying in a plane from somewhere...holding me, touching me...fighting for me, always fighting for me!

My family...Charlie's house...how he still had such feelings for my mother...watching him watch football on TV...telling him I was marrying Edward. Renee...my mother, my best friend for so long! Renee! Sometimes the memories were as painful as the fire that seared through me!

oooooooooo

The sea of pain flowed around me and through me in waves tossed by fear, memories, dreams, and nightmares. I heard a voice again, at times. It was calling for something, for someone. Perhaps it was Demetri making up his mind to finally kill me? Wouldn't that be a relief? But the voice faded away...and the pain, as always, remained.

oooooooooo

The fire thrummed through me now. It was as though I had never been without it. I had never known a moment that was without this feeling of scorched flesh and charred bones. Pain was what it meant to still be alive, I thought. Still alive! Was that a good thing or a bad thing? I knew I was no longer screaming but I felt the cries that were still pulled from my lips. I heard that voice again, too. More often now. It was calling...calling for someone. I was sure of that. I cried to the voice. I don't know what I said but the voice seemed to stay far away.

oooooooooo

Through the pain I felt something new. I felt that I was on something that was supposed to be soft. It seemed to give as I was placed upon it. It was hard to tell what it was because the fire kept most other feelings away. It was just a thought anyway. I was probably still out in the rain, under the rocks, with Demetri standing over me. But that seemed like ages ago. Years, eons! It was so hard to breath. Every breath felt so strange, so hard, so forced. As though I was breathing the fire that was so completely consuming me.

oooooooooo

The voice was back. I heard it more clearly now. Who was it? Demetri? It didn't sound like him. It sounded like...someone I knew. Someone dear...someone I loved. Edward? Edward! He was here with me! How? How was he here? Was he safe? Was he fighting with Demetri? I

tried to call out to him but the fire seemed to steal my voice. Edward! You're here! Help me! Stay with me! I love you! Those words cycled through my inflamed head over and over again. I didn't know if they left my lips but the voice, my special voice, stayed closer. That would have to be enough for now. And the fires raged on.

oooooooooo

The pain that was eternal, that had always been a part of me, was easier to think through, somehow. I could hear Edward. He was definitely with me. It hadn't been a dream or my imagination. He was standing over me. Holding my hand, talking to me...always talking to me.

"Bella? It's going to be alright, love! I'm here," he would say. He said this repeatedly. His words were my lifeline. I held onto his voice, his words, and they were the only other reality I knew besides the pain.

oooooooooo

"Bella?" Edward's voice called to me again. "Bella, love? You're going to be alright...I promise you! Just a little while longer. You're so brave! I love you Bella! I love you! Just a little while longer. It's almost over!" These were the new words the voice gave to me. My lifeline was so insistent. I managed to open my eyes and look up at the voice. Edward stood above me, his face paler than I thought possible. His hair was like wildfire...his golden eyes filled with worry.

"Edward," I managed to whisper. I was relieved that the fire had not really stolen my voice although it did sound a little strange. "Edward!" His name was all I could manage but it seemed to please him. He smiled worriedly down at me and his hand came up to stroke my face. I knew he did this but couldn't really feel it. The fire was the only true feeling left in the world.

"Bella!" He whispered. "I'm so proud of you, love. You're doing so well. Only a little longer, okay? Just a little longer." I wondered what he could mean by this...pain was eternal. Wasn't it?

oooooooooo

Perhaps I was just growing used to the waves of flame that had become my reality. I didn't know. All I did know was that it was easier to talk with Edward now. The pain was there, all the time, but so was Edward! I could live in a world of pain that included Edward. That was completely do-able, I decided. I only wished that I was able to move and live...even with the pain, I thought. I could do that. I could exist and act like there was no pain if only I got to keep Edward. That seemed only fair. A thought finally came to me...my first truly coherent thought.

"Edward?" I asked. "How long?" Edward was holding my hand...I could feel that in a way. He looked at me intently.

"It's been almost two days, Bella," he said quietly. I thought about this for some time. Two days? How was that possible? Two years seemed more reasonable. How could all the pain I had been feeling, was still feeling, fit inside just two days? I moaned and writhed on the couch where I suddenly realized I was laying. The pain did seem somehow more...bearable? Was that it? It felt like the same pain, but I was able to think around it far more easily than before. This pain was bone deep but at least I no longer felt the need to scream...that had to be important somehow, right?

oooooooooo

Edward talked to me more now and about all sorts of things. It seemed like he was trying to distract me now that he knew I was actually able to listen to him. I was shaken, every now a then, by waves of fiery pain and strange unexpected spasms shuddered through me, but I was able to lie there quietly and listen to Edward tell me stories about when he was young to this life. How he had felt when Carlisle told him what was happening to him, how he'd felt when it was over. I was able to listen now...but I wasn't fully distracted. How can you really ignore it when it feels like your flesh is slowly roasting and you can't stop it or get away from it?

He told me about Esme. How Carlisle had found her in the morgue still barely alive. I had heard part of this story before both from Edward and from Esme. Edward knew that Esme had told me more of the truth about what had brought her to that morgue so he filled me in on who she was before she joined Carlisle and what had led up to her committing suicide.

I tried to concentrate on what had been Esme's pain, her life so long ago with a man who had been so cruel, so abusive that she had run away from him when she found out she was pregnant. Anything being better than raising a child with such a monster. Focusing on the idea of someone else's pain seemed to help me deal with my own.

I didn't ask about what had happened with Demetri, although I really did want to know. But Edward hadn't brought it up, so I felt that was a conversation for later. Edward kept telling me, and my own brain kept reminding me (now that it was able to), that I only had a short time to go before somehow this everlasting pain would only be a memory. I couldn't really wrap my mind around that concept. No more pain? What would the world be like without the feeling of all-consuming fire?

oooooooooo

The pain had become somehow more intense in my chest than before. I writhed and groaned, holding my arms around myself tightly and moaning as the pain seemed to tear through my chest explosively. I didn't know that pain could be this bad...not after all the pain I had already endured. But strangely, at the same time, my fingers seemed to feel less and less pain. It was almost as though I was losing feeling in my hands and feet until I realized it wasn't all feeling...just the feeling of being burned alive. That feeling was leaving even as the pain in my chest increased. I could feel my arms gripping around my body, holding me tightly as though I were about to fly apart. I clinched my teeth together and felt the pressure in my jaw. I could feel my legs, now...my face, my neck.

The pain in my chest had me gasping and I could feel the air moving in and out of me. The burning in my chest seemed to reach a peak and held there. It was unendurable! Overwhelming. To now feel my body again..and without pain..it should have been such a relief...and it would have been, if not for the feeling of my heart trying to explode out of my chest. It felt as though all the fire in my body these last three days had settled into my heart and decided to stay.

I lay there moaning and crying out and strangely wishing for the return of the old pain now that this new pain had taken hold. Finally, after more time than I thought possible, that pain, too, began to decrease. It was gradual but definite and my cries and moans began to subside.

"Bella?" Edward was there...had been there the whole time, holding me, rocking me in his arms. "Bella," he repeated, looking down at me, "It's alright...I'm right here...you're okay." He had been saying this over and over.

He sounded so tired. How could Edward be tired, I thought absently. The pain was leaving now...I knew that. My body felt so odd. So limp, and yet so...different.

Finally, the pain seemed to drain away and strangest of all...it felt as though I had never felt pain before. It was as though there had never been any pain. I remembered it clearly...but my body didn't seem to feel the same. I felt fine...whole. And I could breath again, and it didn't feel like I was breathing flames anymore.

I felt Edward looking down at me and I looked up into his face and gasped. His eyes were glowing with such love, such emotion. His eyes would always be fixed in my memory as the first things I saw after the fire.

I raised my hand and touched his face. He didn't feel cold to me any longer...how strange was that? And he didn't feel hard, either. He felt...soft and strong and warm...what was this? A dream? I saw my hand and paused to look at it. It was pale...more pale that I had ever been before. Pale and smooth...and the same. It was my hand...but different somehow.

Looking back up at Edward, I saw the questioning look on his face.

"How's the pain? Almost gone? Gone?" He asked softly, his fingers stroking my face and hair.

"It's gone...all gone," I whispered. My voice did sound different. It reminded me of a time I had played with some sound equipment in high school in Phoenix and they had manipulated my voice a little. It had been strange to hear my voice sound so changed. This was similar...but more subtle. It just sounded a little deeper...or richer? Was that it?

I took a deep breath and stopped to analyze that feeling. It felt good to breath...but, again, different. I could feel my chest expand with the air being pulled in and it was like a strange but satisfying stretch. I experimented and stopped breathing...it was extremely weird, shocking even, to realize that I felt no pain or discomfort while not breathing. I now knew what Edward had meant, though, when he said that although he didn't have to breath, that it wasn't comfortable to not breath for too long. That stretching feeling was nice...and so were all the smells I was now aware of. I would have to think more about that later because Edward was sitting up and I realized he was holding me on his lap. How long had I been like this, I wondered. He surely hadn't held me this way the entire time?

Edward sat up and stood, pulling me to my feet and holding me while I stood there in front of him, finding my new balance.

"How do you feel?" He asked quietly. I looked up and caught an odd expression on his face which was gone in a flash. What was he thinking?

"I really don't know...Better? The same? It's strange," I took a step away from him and looked down at myself. I was surprised to see that I was wearing my sweats and a tee-shirt. What was this? I looked up at Edward questioningly. He looked a little embarrassed suddenly.

"I just wanted to make you as comfortable as possible and these are your most comfy clothes...," he trailed off. Looking in my eyes for a moment. "I just wanted," he continued more quietly,

"I just needed, to see you in these clothes while...while everything was going on. You always wear them...wore them...they're you." He reached out a hand and plucked at the material of my ratty old shirt for a moment before looking into my eyes again and smiling a little. I realized suddenly that these last three days had been harder on him, here, all alone, than I could have imagined. We stood there for a long moment just staring at each other in silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay near the house," I finally said, searching his face with my eyes. He looked shocked for a moment before shaking his head and touching my face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when...when we had our first visitor," he answered with a rueful smile that didn't quite touch his eyes. I looked up at him for a long moment before looking out the windows to the pool and beyond. The sun was shining on the top of the incline and the sky was blue.

"Well," I said finally, looking up into his beautiful face, "At least the storm is over."

8. COMMUNICATION

It had been a very long and unbelievable day. It was hard for me to take it all in...all of the different things, thoughts, feelings that made up this, my very first day in my new life. And it was strange to think about the pain I had gone through. I could remember it so clearly that it made me cringe...and yet, I couldn't seem to believe that I had ever felt that pain. How could this body have ever felt that sort of all-consuming agony? But it had. I had. And I'd survived. That was the truly remarkable part. My wrist that I'd held and protected so carefully just days before was now...fine. Better than fine. Again..it was as though it had never been injured. Very strange.

I was sitting on the top of the incline behind the house just staring out at the sunset and at myself. I couldn't seem to stop examining the way my skin glittered when the sunlight struck it. Just like Edward's. No matter how clearly I had known this would be the case...I guess I never really believed it...couldn't believe it, couldn't know what it would be like. Edward had told me sincerely that I would still be me. But I hadn't believed that either. And yet here I was..and no matter that my skin glittered and I was as pale as a ghost...I was still me. Bella.

I had taken some time...ok, a lot of time...earlier, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. That had been bizarre. The image reflecting back was me. Just me...and yet, more. I was the same. My hair was the same...long, brown, wavy. I was the same height...meaning not that much to talk about. My skin was now paler than before. Ok, that had been expected. What I hadn't expected was that I would still see a slight warmth to the color of my skin. I wasn't as pale as Edward. He informed me that this was normal as I still had all of my own blood in my body. Interesting. My face and body were almost the same. How to put it into words? I looked like me...but softer, clearer in some ways. My face seemed slightly more defined and I seemed to be able to see myself a lot more clearly, too. That was another thing. My eyesight was sharper. If I focused carefully, I could see so much more of what was around me all the time. Or, I could not focus like that and just see more normally. This was going to take some getting used to.

My reflection was going to take some getting used to, as well, because if I stopped moving...I looked like a stone statue for a moment. It was unnerving! Fortunately, as Edward had told me, I was still me...so standing in perfect stillness was something I would have to practice if I ever wanted to beat Edward in the statue impersonation department. It was strangely satisfying to see for myself that I was still Bella...I was only slightly changed, refined...and the changes made sense and I did feel that I was now...prettier, maybe even more than pretty... Yes, I admit it!

The one thing that was hard to see was my eyes. They were so red. They reminded me of Bree, the newborn who had never had the chance to follow the Cullen's way of life. They made me keenly aware that this new and improved me was also going to crave something I had always found disgusting, nauseating! Talk about irony! I already felt a strange sensation in my throat and deeper inside. Like I was...empty, hollow...and that my throat felt slightly sore, hot...like I was about to have a very sore throat or cold. It was definitely bearable...and knowing what I would have to do to make that feeling go away made it even more bearable. I was going to try to put that off as long as possible. I needed to know who I was, how I was, first. My eyes and those reflected in the mirror refused to look at each other for more than a few seconds.

All of this was so new to me that I couldn't seem to focus on the moment. I was so caught up in all the new feelings, senses...the wonder and fears of what this all meant, that I didn't really notice that I had been silent for who knew how long after the pain had finally gone away. My silence, though, was having a strange affect on Edward. He, too, was growing more and more quiet as he watched me watch myself. At first I didn't notice this, but soon his silence seemed to become a physical thing between us.

He watched me looking at myself in the mirror earlier...in silence. He watched me now on top of this crag as I gazed at the sunlight glinting off of my skin, turning my hands this way and that, casting rainbows that matched his own. Edward watched me...but silently. My fascination with myself died quickly as my imagination began to run wild. I knew he still couldn't read my thoughts, but he hadn't seemed upset about that. So it had to be something else. Had I said something wrong, done something that upset him? He had stayed with me all through my change, had done his best to comfort me while I was is such agony. Now that it was over...was he beginning to regret the change in me? Could that be it? That one thought, my biggest fear, made me cringe inside...so much so that I wouldn't let myself focus on it.

I put my hands in my lap and stared out over the hills and valleys for a long moment before turning to look Edward straight in the eyes. I surprised the same look on his face I had seen earlier but so fast that I had wondered if I'd imagined it. This time I got a full view before his face slowly relaxed into a polite and serene mask. I didn't know what that look meant exactly...but I knew it was bad, really bad. I held his gaze...I would not look away.

"Edward?" I asked, allowing all the worry that had been building up beneath the fascination I was experiencing with the new me to pour out of my eyes. I took a deep breath as I watched his eyes shift over my face and then, horribly, away from me and off into the distance. Oh my God! What is going on inside his head? It took all my nerve to reach up slowly and carefully touch his face and pull his gaze back to mine. "What is going on? Why? Why are you so upset? I don't understand. I know that you're angry about how this happened...but, it was going to happen anyway, right? And I'm fine. It's over now...and I'm ok. I'm going to be ok." My hand fell back in my lap as I stared into his eyes that were once again filled with some painful emotion that I couldn't name. He stared at me so long that I began to wonder if he'd answer me. If he didn't start talking soon, how we could go on. If this was how he was going to react to me joining him...if this was how it was going to be...I couldn't think about the consequences. My one fear...the worst thing I could think of; the thing that was beginning to torment my fertile imagination, was increasing in strength.

"You don't have to say that, Bella," he finally answered so softly that I knew if I hadn't had much better hearing I wouldn't even have known he had spoken. His eyes searched mine with such sorrow that I began to panic. What did he mean? What could he mean?

"I don't understand," My voice was no longer so much pleading as it was full of dread. Please don't let this be happening, I begged the cruel universe. Please!

Edward frowned at the change in my voice and continued to stare into my eyes...eyes that were growing more and more terrified by the second.

"Bella...there's nothing I can say..." He whispered. It was as though we had exchanged expressions. His face now mirrored the worry I had shown him moments before and mine had become the mask. What was going on?

"I don't understand you...Are you saying...?" Normally I would have wanted to get away from the thoughts that were eating away at me, to run away...but I would have had to stay and face them. That didn't happen this time. I jumped to my feet and was down the incline in the space of a heartbeat...which startled me so much that I forgot to be upset for a short moment. All I could think was that this couldn't be happening. My worst fears were drowning me and Edward was doing nothing to help. Looking around I realized that I'd traveled much farther in those few seconds than I could have imagined. I was far past the east side of the house and in an area I was unfamiliar with. I could see the house behind me, though, so I wasn't worried about getting lost. In fact, the idea of getting lost suddenly appealed to me. I wanted to run...run far away. So far that I wouldn't have to face this misery that was building up within me.

Suddenly Edward was in front of me, fear and shock radiating from his face. He walked toward me with his hands held slightly up as though he was worried I was going to hurt myself...as though that was even possible now. Only he could hurt me...in more ways than I could stand.

"Bella," he said quietly. "Please don't!" I shook my head at him and back away from him. I knew that if I'd been capable, I would have been sobbing by now. The tears refused to come...that was not longer possible..but the sobs were beginning to rise in my throat. Crying without tears...add that one to the new experiences of the day. Edward's eyes widened as he watched me back away. His hands fell to his sides and the look that was causing me such pain and confusion returned. Now we both had that look. I only knew what I was thinking...and that was overriding any thought of correctly interpreting his expression. So we stood there..a yard and a universe apart. Had it really come to this?

"I'm so sorry," Edward finally whispered brokenly. "Bella...please! I'm so sorry! Please!" His breathing was ragged now. As was mine. Could this be true? He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes pleading..for what? What was he sorry about? That he regretted me changing? That he wished he'd never done it? I was already bit when he found me...did he wish that I'd...I'd not survived rather than see me like this? Was I so repellent to him now? A million morbid and horrible thoughts crashed through my brain...a brain that was now capable of dwelling on so many more horrendous things at once that it was virtually paralyzing. Edward took a deep breath that seemed more a sob than a sigh. "Please, Bella...it will be alright! I swear this to you! I swear it! I promise...please! You don't have to...to worry!"

"What are you saying, Edward?" I couldn't take this any more. "Just tell me!" I gasped. He frowned again.

"Bella? Are you...?" He shook his head frowning and looked at me so strangely. My heart was threatening to break but my mind still was able to think about so many things at once. Why was he looking at me like that? Was he trying to tell me goodbye? Was I being ridiculous? Was I being logical? What was he trying to tell me? Could he feel differently about me now that I was changed? How would I continue if he didn't want me anymore?

Edward breathed deeply yet again...but this time, it didn't sound like a sob. It sounded as though he was...what? Resigned? I couldn't tell. Taking a deep breath, Edward took a step towards me.

"Bella," he began, very quietly and very steadily...as though he were preparing himself for whatever answer I might give. "I need you to tell me if you can't forgive me for...for all of this. I need to know...now...if you can possibly still love me...that you can one day forgive me..." he stopped, his last words a mere whisper. I stared in wordless disbelief as Edward's eyes, filled with such pain, such pleading, searched mine.

"I don't understand," I said after staring at him for what felt like an eternity. "You can't possibly think that I..." He interrupted me, talking so quickly that I couldn't stop him.

"I always knew...I always understood that you could, would, resent this, resent me, once this happened. I knew that, Bella. I've...accepted that as a fact to deal with...when...when it finally happened. I knew that you could never really understand what it meant to become like me. How could you. And to have it happen the way it did...in fear for your life! That was the one thing I promised you would never happen...and it did anyway! I know I don't deserve it..." It was my turn to interrupt him.

"Are you crazy, Edward? What are you thinking? How could you think that! You honestly believe that I could ever resent you? Hate you? For this?" I said gesturing down at my new body. "How could you think that, Edward? Yes...I didn't want it to happen that way. But there was no way that my changing was going to be fun! Or pain free. We always knew that! And, yes! I was scared! I was terrified that Demetri was going to kill me and I'd never get to see you again...that you'd find me dead and then be killed yourself. I've never been more afraid for you in my life, Edward. But, in the end...after everything I just went through...to find that I'm alive, and whole, and ... me! And that I'm with you! That makes all that I went through...worth it. Don't you see that, Edward?" I said the last in a whisper as I finally took a step towards him. He had just stared at me through my entire speech, his mouth slightly open, as though I were telling him something shocking, unbelievable.

"Do you truly mean that, Bella?" he whispered back. "You don't have to try to make me feel better, you know that, don't you?"

"You are insane!" I yelled at him, my own fears boiling away in a frothy mixture that was so heady, so exhilarating, that I felt hysterical giggles begin to rise in my throat and a grin begin to spread across my face.

"Then...why did you run?" He asked, obviously confused by my complete change in mood. Now that I understood why he had been so silent, so upset, my own fears seemed just as ridiculous and embarrassing. I closed my eyes and grimaced as I told him.

"I thought...when you were so quiet.. and then when you looked so upset, and what you seemed to be saying...I thought that maybe you..that maybe you were upset that I had changed at all. That you didn't...couldn't...like me this way," I said quietly.

"Bella," his horrified whisper made me look up at him to see see the shock and then the glorious relief that spread across his face as we realized how silly we were both being. How far worry and silence had brought us. I had always heard that communication was the key to any good marriage. And if vampires were involved...I had to bet that that key needed to be well-used.

I was abruptly being held tightly...more tightly than Edward had ever been able to hold me before without hurting me. He gathered me to him and cradled me in his arms.

"I could never, never, want to be without you, Bella. No matter if you are human or not...you are mine! And I am yours! I will always love you! You have to know that, Bella. Never doubt that!" His huskily whispered words were fireworks inside my heart.

"Then you have to know that I feel the same, Edward. You have to stop doubting me and my love for you." I looked up at him and realized that I had to do the same thing. I had to stop feeling and thinking that I was somehow unworthy of this man, my husband. "We belong together," I whispered with deep and immense certainty. "I know that, Edward. We were meant for each other." Edward stared into my eyes as I said this and then slowly and tenderly kissed me.

"We belong together," he repeated huskily as I pulled his head back down to touch my lips to his. He kissed me slowly and deeply...more deeply than he had ever been able to safely kiss me before.

Twilight set in around us as we stood in each others arms and let the worries, fears, and doubts melt away into the gathering darkness.

9. SATIATION

Being with Edward...finally, completely...it was more amazing than anything I could have imagined. I lay in his arms in our room in utter relaxation and bliss...absolutely immersed in waves of ecstasy, joy, and peace.

We had found our way up to our bedroom quickly after finally communicating and clearing up our fears about each other and the future. Then we had begun communicating on an entirely different level. One that was a lot less mental and, I had to admit, immensely more gratifying! My rewired brain was having all too much fun playing and replaying every single rapturous moment. Edwards hands and lips touching, caressing, molding themselves to every minute inch of my new flesh. Realizing that the way Edward felt to me was the same and better all at once. He no longer felt hard and cold...he was just a man to me now...a wonderful, amazing, beautiful man...and mine! His skin was soft in my grasp...I was the one having to be a little careful about how hard I held him! What a reversal! And strangest of all...he felt warm to me. I felt warm in his arms, warm and comforted, and aroused. Just thinking about how Edward felt to me, how we moved together...if I could still blush I knew I would be glowing. As it was, my expression gave me away completely! Edward looked down at me from where I was cradled in his arms and grinned. He hadn't stopped grinning for some time now! I turned and buried my face in his chest...something that no longer felt like caressing stone.

"Bella, Bella...," he whispered in my ear, his hands stroking through my hair and down my neck and back. We were completely twisted in torn sheets...the wonderful and pristine bed no longer looked so immaculate! I was actually surprised it was still standing. Edward had told me at some point that night that it had been designed with vampires in mind and I knew that he could see the blushless embarrassment flooding my face. His hands caressed me now with gentle passion. "I don't think I could have imagined this...not in a million years...not if I had all of eternity to try to envision holding you like this...having all of you...it would be impossible!" Edward continued to pour such wonderful, melting words into my ear as his hands lazily explored me yet again. I was beginning the same journey, myself; one that I had delighted in several times already. The breath I no longer needed for survival became ragged as Edward turned me and caressed me with such passionate intent that my moans and his were all that sounded in our room for some time. How long could we continue this way? I hoped forever!

Not needing to sleep was one big bonus...at least for now. I couldn't imagine wanting to leave this room unless we could continue what we were doing wherever we went. It was heading towards midnight and, other than a few moments of whispered conversation, we had only been involved in that one all-consuming activity. Finding more and new ways to enjoy every part of Edward and vice versa...that was a fate I deeply desired and had every intention of pursuing.

"Do you miss me? The old me?" I had asked quietly at one point while we rested for a moment. Edward had moved to look deep in my eyes, holding my face softly but firmly.

"You are Bella! There is no 'old you' and 'new you'...not to me. I see the same woman I fell in love with. The same woman I will love until the end of time! The only difference now is that I don't have to worry about how fragile you are. I. Love. You. Bella! You...this wonderful, darling, brave, good person who is crazy enough to love me...," The last part of this was muffled as his lips began to travel down my body in ways that shook me with shivers of ecstasy. All conversation ceased for some time after that.

ooooooooooo

That day was destined to be one that I knew I would never forget...for several reasons. So much changed for me that day...my perception of certain events, of what it was going to mean to be like Edward, of what my life would be like from now on...many things.

Edward eventually filled me in on the events that took place after I was bit by Demetri. I could tell he was having a hard time dealing with his mixed feelings regarding that vampire.

"He knew," he told me, "that I was coming home that day...soon. He had been watching the house from a distance for quite some time before he was given his...dual directives." This last he said in a very clipped tone of voice. Edward was extremely angry with Caius right now. I knew that he and Carlisle had already discussed this situation at length and were pondering what, if anything, to do about it. I hoped that they would just let it go. It had all worked out anyway, right? "Demetri was never going to follow Caius' orders over Aro's instructions. That's the amazing part of all this...I have to be grateful to those two for that, at least." It seems that Demetri had waited for the moment he knew, using his own mental gifts, that Edward would be coming back before biting me. He knew that Edward would fight him and he would fight back but only long enough for Edward to realize what was really going on.

"I have to admit that, when I think about it, Demetri's not that terrible a person," this surprised me because I had assumed that Edward would now hate Demetri forever! "When I found you lying there...wracked in pain...and I knew what had happened...I couldn't help myself. I attacked Demetri! I fully intended to do all I could to destroy him then and there!" Edward shook his head and pulled m closer into his embrace. After a few moments of thought-filled silence he continued. "But Demetri was basically shouting and ... laughing at me the whole time. I didn't know why until I really listened to the thoughts he was practically screaming at me. Once I knew that he had never meant to do more than bite you and that in doing so he was, for all intents and purposes, saving your life while risking his own...I let him go." He held me even closer as though even thinking about that day, that moment, was too painful for him.

"So...Demetri only bit me the one time? I could swear I felt several more ...," I said, puzzled and lifted my arms up to examine my wrists again...and, sure enough, I could see the delicate line of bite marks on both. Edward took my wrists in his hands and tenderly brushed his lips against those almost invisible lines. He looked up into my eyes and kissed me gently.

"He only bit you the one time...deeply, though. Deep enough and with enough venom to start and probably complete the transformation." He paused. "I bit you the other times, Bella," he finished, quietly.

"You did?"

"I wasn't sure how much venom you had received, although Demetri's thoughts said that he felt he had given you plenty. I couldn't take the chance that your heart might stop from the pain before the venom had spread completely...so...I did it," he whispered the last words, kissing my wrists again and stroking my neck softly. He took a deep breath and looked deep in my eyes before continuing. "I also wanted...," he stopped. He almost looked embarrassed.

"What, Edward? What is it?" He kissed me deeply before wrapping his arms around me, holding me so tightly that I would have been crushed if my body hadn't been changed.

"I wanted it to be me that changed you...not Demetri. I had been telling myself that I didn't want that. Part of me had even wished that Carlisle could have done it. But, once I knew that Demetri had bit you...I was certain, finally, that ... it needed to be me." He paused for a moment before saying, contritely, "I will admit to some relief that ...that my hand was forced, so to speak," he grinned. I looked at him in surprise.

"What would you have done if Demetri hadn't come, then?" I was slightly surprised to realize how hard the idea of actually doing it had been to Edward...although I should have known he would feel that way.

"I would have done as we had agreed, of course. I would have been dreading it and it would have been ... beyond bizarre, Bella, to just...bite you in cold blood like that! The idea of doing that had been killing me since the moment Alice had her vision of you joining us. The idea of simply...biting you...it was...it went against everything I wanted for you for so long," he whispered. His hands stroked my hair and back softly, lovingly. Loving me had never been easy for Edward...until now. I was filled with relief that now, finally, we could begin to love each other, be with each other, like everyone else who fell in love. Or at least more like them.

"I'm glad you helped to change me, too, Edward! I don't think I would be as...ok about all this if I had to remember forever that it was Demetri alone that was responsible for this...," and I smiled up at Edward, leaning up to kiss him deeply as we began to move once more together, molding our two bodies into one.

ooooooooooo

"You might be interested to know that Alice called while you were...otherwise occupied," Edward told me later.

"Really? I was wondering what had happened to our little fortune teller," I smirked as I recalled my confusion that Alice hadn't seen what was coming with Demetri. Edward quickly removed that expression by letting his lips rove over my sensitive flesh once more. I gasped, completely distracted.

"Hmmm, yes, she was upset about it, too," he mumbled as he kept up his exploration. It was getting more and more difficult to pay attention to what he was saying.

"So...ahhhh," I answered and sighed at once. Edward looked up grinning. "What happened?" I continued, my expression giving away my embarrassment. Edward was really enjoying reading this new look on my face. Almost as much as he had enjoyed making me blush.

"She said ... that she had been unable to see what would happen because the decision was not being made. And then, Demetri, as we know, was given two sets of orders and had to decide which set to follow. As far as I could tell from his thoughts, he deliberately kept himself from making that decision because he knew, had been told, that Alice would be able to see when he did. He honestly wanted to...do the right thing...as far as that goes with the Volturi," he frowned at this and I quickly distracted him in much the same way as he had moments before. Edward's reaction was swift, wonderful, and extremely thorough.

ooooooooooo

"What did you mean when you said that human memories fade?" I asked much later as we lay on blankets in front of the fireplace. Edward had brought us downstairs and had lit the fire which was now blazing. I had to remind myself that it was August in Arizona and that I should not be enjoying the heat rolling out into the living room from the roaring flames before us. But the heat felt amazing, now, and we lay there for some time with our backs against one of the couches just staring into the flames.

"Why do you ask?" Edward murmured as he kissed my hair and watched our fingers twining together.

"It's just that...I remember all the things I used to. I thought that I would forget things from when I was...when I was not like this." Edward looked at me for a moment with a small smile on his lips before kissing my eyes and answering me.

"I said they would fade...not vanish in an instant. I meant just what I said. Could you remember everything about your life when you were still human? For example, if I had asked you a week ago to describe in detail what your first grade teacher wore on the third day of school, could you have done that?"

"No," I answered immediately. I began to see where he was going with this.

"That's all I meant, Bella. Human memories fade. They always fade, even for humans that never become like us. However the human brain stores memories, unless that person was born with a photographic mind, an extremely rare human ability, the memories seem to fade away with time. Stronger memories last longer, of course." Edward had told me some of his strongest human memories...some good and others not so good. I understood now what he had been trying to tell me. I felt Edward's lips on my forehead, my ear, my neck. When he spoke, it was against my skin making me tremble.

"From now on, though, your memories will always remain. They won't fade at all. So...you'll remember this forever!" And he moved to stretch us out before the fire, his hands and lips traveling urgently across and over me, his body moving to cover mine as we made one more unforgettable memory on my first day of forever.

ooooooooooo

Much, much later...as the sun began to set once more...Edward leaned up to look at me curiously. My entire being was glowing with pleasure and tranquility. I watched through half-opened eyes as he braced himself on his elbow to look at me with a questioning expression.

"What?" I asked, reaching up and stroking his perfect face.

"How do you feel, love?" He asked, kissing my palm.

"Do you have to ask?" I ran my hand lightly down his chest before he caught it quickly and kissed it again, grinning.

"That's not what I meant. It's been some time since you ... woke up. You aren't thirsty?" He looked at me again curiously.

"I don't know...my throat feels pretty sore and hot...but it's alright. I can handle it," I said, sitting up. I knew my face mirrored my concern about this next necessary experience because Edward leaned down and kissed my nose before gathering me into his arms and walking us upstairs. He put me down when we reached the bathroom. Grinning, he turned on the water...only the hot water I noticed...and pulled us in.

"I think we should get you something to eat as soon as possible, love. A shower and fresh clothes and we'll be on our way." His words sounded reasonable and responsible. However, his tone implied other, more interesting, ideas. So we made the most of the shower and the hot water until the heat began to run out and every inch of our bodies had been explored to our great satisfaction.

It was strange how normal I felt when I was touching Edward and how abnormal I felt when I touched everything else. Things I had once found fairly strong and sturdy now felt like fluff, and things that had been extremely hard and tough were no longer hard at all. I found this out quickly when I went to change into a pair of jeans and accidentally tore them in two. Edward had tried not to laugh but they were one of my favorite pairs! Then, as I was walking back into the bathroom, I turned too quickly, bumped into the door frame and left a huge dent.

"Okay!" I said as Edward walked over and hugged me, then used his hands to carefully smooth away the evidence. "This is horrible! How am I supposed to do anything if I keep ripping things up or banging into stuff?" I had thought I would be more graceful once I was changed. That was apparently not going to be the case.

"It takes time to adjust to your new strength and speed, Bella. Be patient! It'll be alright, believe me," Edward told me as he carefully put on the rest of my clothes and shoes and led us outside. His grin annoyed me.

"What's so funny?"

"Us!" he answered and hugged me close. "I'm just glad that you are you and that we are together. Isn't that a good enough reason to smile?" Then, to my surprise, he picked me up and twirled me around before kissing me so long and so deeply that I would have passed out had I needed air.

"I suppose so," I answered when I was finally able to use my voice. I grinned up at my adorable, beautiful husband as he softly brushed his fingers down my face and back through my hair. I closed my eyes and sighed as he bent his head and kissed my neck and throat before holding me closely once again.

"I've just remembered something, Bella," he whispered into my ear, sending unexpected shivers through my body. He raised his head and gazed dazzlingly into my eyes.

"What did you remember, Edward?" I whispered back as I reached up to run my hands through his hair and over his breathtaking face. Edward closed his eyes for a moment, just letting me touch him and kiss him while he held me in his arms. Opening his eyes he leaned down and kissed me again, softly, tenderly.

"We've been married for over a week, my Bella," he whispered against my lips. "I wanted to thank you for my wedding present," and he kissed me again deeply. It took me a moment to reply as I tried to concentrate despite the way his lips and hands moved against me.

"Wedding present?" I finally managed, gasping.

"You, Bella. You are my wedding present. You are all I ever wanted...all I ever longed for, needed, desired. You are the sun in my sky, the light in my darkness! You are my everything and you have given me yourself...the perfect present. And I get to keep you forever...What could I ever do to repay this...perfect...gift?" All this he said with such tenderness and longing as his eyes met mine before returning to caress my face and neck with his wonderful lips. I answered from my heart...a heart that no longer beat but still held such overwhelming love for this wonderful and beloved man.

"I have you, Edward," I whispered. "That's all I'll ever need or want or desire. Just you. Forever!" And we held each other as dawn broke once again over the Arizona wilderness that was now our home.

10. BACKGROUND

This was getting ridiculous! I had already ripped up a great pair of jeans and dented a wall. Was I now going to have problems simply walking around? This is not how this was supposed to be. I stood glaring at the rock face that had been standing peacefully in the Arizona desert for who knew how many hundreds or thousands of years, minding its own business...before I came along. It was now a pile of rubble with stones varying in size from as big as my fist to small dust particles. All because I looked one way while walking the other a little too fast. Not to mention that the pair of jeans I was wearing now had a large gash in the leg. That made two pairs of jeans I had ruined today!

"You have to watch where you're going, Bella," Edward advised. His expression was slightly ironic and there was a tender but humorous look there as well...but I was getting fed up.

"I thought that when I became like you I would...I don't know... be more like you! You don't crash into things and rip stuff up...unless you intended to do that...," I knew I was pouting but this was getting silly and I was tired of always being the odd one in this relationship. Edward smiled sweetly at me and hugged me close for a moment.

"You are forgetting something very important, Bella. It's been a very long time since I joined Carlisle in this life. Do you really think I just woke up after he changed me and knew how to be a vampire and act like a human who shouldn't be able to ...well, to crush large boulders when she bumps into them?" He smiled. I didn't want to hear this, though.

"Ughhh! I just want to be able to do normal stuff without ... causing chaos!" I glared at the pile of debris again. I hated looking at the evidence that it was obviously going to take me awhile to adjust to things. I should have known that there was no way this life would come any easier than the last.

We had been walking for a while now. Edward was taking his time introducing me to his way of living, existing. Sometimes we ran...and it was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. I was stunned by how far I could travel in mere seconds. Other times we just walked and talked or were silent...just taking it all in. Except for my klutziness, the day had been amazing. I loved hearing Edward talk to me about how it was for him when Carlisle had first changed him. He had shared some of that with me after Demetri bit me...when he was trying to distract me from the pain. I had also heard a bit from Carlisle on the subject. But this was different. Being like Edward put it all in perspective.

One question that really burned inside of me was why I wasn't like Bree. I had been dreading that future for so long. After seeing that newborn...how frantic she had been for my blood...for human blood! I had thought that all newborns must, absolutely must, experience that level of fanatical craving and was terrified of losing myself to that kind of rabid compulsion. Edward had known of my fear but had never shared it. I knew that but still I had been afraid.

"I know what you thought, Bella. I also know that nothing I could say to you would convince you. You had to experience it for yourself." Edward was always so rational. "Honestly, Bella! You knew Carlisle's history and Rosalie's. Neither of them has ever had human blood. They obviously weren't like Bree. That should have told you something."

"But Jasper...when he told me all that about the newborns in those wars. And then seeing that Bree creature! What was I supposed to think?" I knew that Edward was right...but it didn't explain everything.

"Jasper was telling you what could happen. How it can be for young vampires. Not how it has to be, Bella." I stopped walking and turned to face him. Edward looked around for a moment and spotted a boulder, undamaged, for us to sit on.

"Think about it this way. Remember when I told you how you were my brand of heroine?" I nodded. "Ok, then. Think of human blood as a drug. When a vampire is newly born, like you, he or she is very susceptible to...new things, new experiences. Mainly that means that if you were given human blood immediately after you woke up to this life, it would be extremely difficult to...to...wean you off of it, so to speak. Your first meal can have a powerful affect on you. Also...think about Carlisle and Rosalie. They both were very aware of what had happened to them. Carlisle was actually hunting vampires! When his transformation was complete he knew what he had become. Rosalie was told all through her change what was happening to her. They were very much aware of what they were and what that could mean. Carlisle chose from the beginning, on his own, not to take in human blood. Rosalie hated what she had become as much as Carlisle did and refused to give in to any urge to drink from a human. So much so that she even risked losing Emmett rather than try to change him herself!" He paused watching my reaction to his words.

"Those newborns that attacked us in Forks and the newborns that Jasper told us about...they were all fed on humans immediately after they were 'born'. It was all they knew." He said quietly. I thought about that for a while, remembering a conversation that had confused me a bit.

"I remember asking you if human blood would make you stronger for the fight with the newborns...you told me that it wouldn't be that much of a help...," Edward interrupted me.

"I also told you that drinking from a human would just make it harder to not feed on them in the future. It would jeopardize all that we had built as a family, as 'vegetarians'. The thirst you feel right now," I swallowed painfully at his words, "it would be completely quenched by human blood. It's true. But it would come back a thousand times stronger! And you would know where and how to fix that pain! It would be as though you had been addicted to a powerful drug...and then experienced withdrawal. All the pain of withdrawal and the drugs are sitting right in front of you for the taking and no one, absolutely no one, could stop you from erasing that pain and experiencing that relief. No one--except yourself." I shuddered as I imagined that level of addiction and compulsion. It was my greatest fear now...that I would become mindlessly addicted to something that meant the death of so many. Edward stroked his hand softly down my cheek, distracting me from those morbid thoughts.

"But here you are, Bella. You, like Carlisle and Rosalie, know what you have become. You actually made the decision to join this world. You, like them, were completely aware of what you were going to become...what you now are. And your first meal will not be human blood. It also helps that you are no where near the smell of humans so that you won't even be exposed to that possibility!" I thought of something, but was reluctant to bring it up. Looking up at Edward, though, I decided that honesty had to be the best, the only, policy between us now.

"Edward...your first meal was not human blood," I stated quietly. Edward frowned and looked away. He knew what I was implying. Since he had not been given human blood as his first meal, then he was not addicted to that form of food from the beginning, just like Carlisle and Rosalie. Then why had he allowed himself to do what he had done for those few years? The same thought also applied to Emmett and Esme. Edward was quiet for a while and I worried that I may have stepped over a line.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have said anything!"

"No, Bella. That's alright. You have every reason and right to ask me anything. You know that." He paused. "I knew, as I've told you, why Carlisle chose not to feed on humans. His thoughts were very clear on the matter. I knew how he felt about it on every level. But, at the time, I felt that that was his choice. He had made a decision based on principles that he was strongly attached to. I ... I didn't have that strong sense of...well, of right and wrong, I guess. Carlisle seemed to embody compassion. I didn't bring that with me from my former life. It wasn't that I didn't care...I just didn't feel so intensely about it as did Carlisle. And then we were always around them, humans, because Carlisle worked in the city hospitals. The smell of humans was constantly with me and I wasn't as immune to it as I am now. Definitely not the way Carlisle was and is. I'm still not. The smell and the ...the idea of what it must be like, taste like...," his eyes glazed a bit as he looked into the past, remembering how he had felt. "They say that thoughts lead to actions, especially if you don't stop thinking about it. Well, I was the perfect example of that." He paused again and looked down at me smiling wryly.

"I've often wondered, though, if it wasn't just that I could hear my victims thoughts, fears, making me aware of the monster I was becoming, that helped me finally get off the road I was traveling and come home. I think that the fact that human blood had not been my first meal...I think that played a part. I really do." I looked up at him as he smiled down at me and felt so much pride and happiness that Edward had been able to come back to his family. It meant that we had been able to meet and that I was here with him now. And it also helped me understand this incredible man that much more.

"You amaze me, you know that?" I whispered as I leaned up to brush my lips along his throat before lightly kissing his lips. His arms tightened around me and he kissed me in earnest. Edward had such a wonderful way of dissolving my fears and anxieties...smoothing them away and dazzling me all over again at the same time. It would have been heaven...if it hadn't been for the boulder!

"You have to remember, Bella," he was now saying as I stood glaring at the remnants of the large rock, "to watch where you're going and...I don't know...think soft thoughts." He smiled at me and I gnashed my teeth. He chuckled and I debated throwing one of those rocks 'softly' at his beautiful face. "You just have to be patient, love. It will come. I promise you." I sighed loudly and concentrated on walking calmly, watching my every step while Edward grinned.

"How long do you think this will take?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Longer than a few minutes, Bella. Or a few days. It takes practice, believe me. You should have seen the damage Emmett caused! I think Esme thought we'd lose the house we were living in because of his...'growing pains'. Just be glad we're out here in the middle of nowhere. I don't think anyone's going to mind if a few boulders suffer from your ...," he paused, grinning at me.

"My clumsiness? Klutziness? Amazing anti-graceful prowess?" I said sarcastically.

"It's not that bad, Bella. Don't let it upset you so much!" He hugged me again as I rolled my eyes and looked around at the crags and rolling hills that surrounded us. The sky was blazing and the two of us shone like mirrors in the sunlight.

"It's a good thing we're not in New Mexico," I said after a minute, attempting to change the subject. Edward smiled and went along with me.

"Why's that, love?"

"If anyone saw us they'd swear we were extraterrestrials! Area 51 would be doing back flips!" Edward laughed, nodding. I was curious, though. "So...has anyone ever thought something like that before? I mean...the way we look...there's no way that 'vampires' would be the first thing I would have thought had I seen you like this before."

"You're right, Bella. People don't think of vampires as glowing in the sunlight. Burning yes, glittering, no. We have had a few narrow misses with different people in the past. It's really rare, though, that we allow ourselves to be seen in the light. It would be too hard to explain that away. We've had a few close calls with various minor officials, though. That usually means a quick exit from whatever town or city we were currently residing in and...retreat. Better that than the alternative." I knew he meant having to ...handle...the humans who had unfortunately discovered too much.

"So--do you think that the FBI or whatever has some sort of ... I don't know... file on vampires?" The thought seemed laughable, but Edward wasn't laughing.

"I know they do," he stated quietly.

"What? Really?"

"Yes...it's something that most of us are aware of. But it's more like UFO files than reality. At least...that seems to be how the ones in charge view it. That's very fortunate for us and for them. If the Volturi ever thought that some valid government agency really had concrete and believable proof of our existence...I shudder to think what the consequences would be." I felt just as shocked and appalled at the thought as Edward seemed to be and wondered curiously what would happen if that ever became a reality.

"Ok," Edward said, cutting through my thoughts. "Enough chit-chat! It's time we found you something to eat, don't you think?" All my nervousness flooded back at these words but I tried to look sure and calm. Edward wasn't buying it, though. He took my hand and led me over to an out crop of red stone where we sat down and started out over the wilderness before us.

"Listen, Bella," he said to me while holding my hands. "We're going to take this nice and slow, ok?" I nodded. "Don't look so worried! It's going to be fine. What I think we should do is just explore what you can do now. You already said that you noticed that you can see a lot more than you used to, right?" I nodded again. It was wonderful being able to focus on extremely small things so clearly. "What I want you to try to do is see how far away you can focus on an object." He turned slightly and pulled me up against his shoulder. Lifting one hand, he pointed out away from us. "Do you see that cliff on the far side of the ridge?" I looked in the direction he was pointing and saw the cliff he was talking about. "I want you to focus on that cliff and see how much detail you can make out." I did as he suggested and gasped as I suddenly was able to make out the different trees and shrubs on the cliff, the birds that were flying near it, even the blades of grass blowing gently in the breeze. It was incredible!

"Holy crow!" I breathed. Edward looked down at me, grinning..

"Now let your eyes wander over the cliff...do you see that stand of trees?"

"Yes!" This was unbelievable.

"Ok...Are they all the same kind? What do you see in the trees? Under the trees?" He kept asking me questions and I kept telling him what I saw. It was fun and amazing, exciting and disturbing. But my throat was getting even more sore as each moment passed. Finally Edward stopped with the field test of my sight and turned to my hearing.

"Listen to my voice, Bella," he said. He kept talking to me and I realized that his tone was getting softer and softer. He was eventually whispering...I knew that...but I could still hear him plainly. Amazing. "Now, listen, Bella...listen to the world around us..." I was suddenly aware of every whisper of the wind, the cry of distant birds, the sound of the grass moving...it was as though the whole earth was speaking to me, telling me all of its secrets, soothing me, and tantalizing me all at the same time! It was the most heady thing I had ever experienced...other than loving Edward, that is. I sat there listening for some time while Edward once again grinned down at me. I could tell that he was getting a lot of enjoyment from simply showing me all of the things about this life that had always excited him...perhaps seeing it all again through new eyes. That made it doubly wonderful for me.

After a while something caught my attention. I was aware of a rustling sound in the grass far off near that clump of trees Edward had made me focus on a few minutes ago. I turned quickly and focused on that area once again and, sure enough, I could see movement but not what animal was causing it. I kept watching and eventually realized that I was seeing what looked like a large cat. Edward had evidently noticed what had caught my attention because he leaned down to speak softly in my ear.

"It's a bobcat."

"Oh," I answered. My nerves were stretched thin but just seeing that animal and knowing that this would help me feel better...it was suddenly very important for me to get over the ridge as fast as possible.

"Easy, Bella. Not so fast. Just take your time. Make sure you know exactly where you want to go and...watch where your going, too," he grinned at me and I suddenly didn't feel so nervous. I grinned back at him and jabbed him lightly in the stomach causing him to grin even more. Perhaps because he could actually feel it now and it didn't hurt me to do it anymore! We rose together and started to race towards what looked to be my first meal in this life. The closer we got the more I could hear the creature moving, seeing it stalking some smaller prey. We had reached the top of the cliff and had slowed to check our bearings when something hit me so strongly I thought I would pass out...except for the fact that vampires don't do that...right? I stopped dead in my tracks...as still as a statue and stared unseeingly into the distance. Edward whirled around to search my face.

"What is it, Bella?"

"Uh...Edward," I mumbled as I took a step back, my knees shaking. I was suddenly running back the way we had come as if I was being chased by the devil himself! I knew that if I stopped I would collapse and I didn't want to do that...so I just kept running, the wind in my face and the sound of a very puzzled Edward following right behind.

11. DILEMMA

"Bella! Stop! What's wrong?" Edward was suddenly in front of me, gripping my shoulders and bringing me to a sudden stop. I immediately collapsed to the ground as I knew I would and Edward followed me down, holding me tightly. I could see the concern and confusion on his face but there was little I could do about it. It was insane how only moments before I had felt so strong...too strong...and now all I felt was waves of weakness.

It was getting better, though. I kept breathing in the hot air around me and trying to force myself to not give in to the sensations streaming through me. Edward's voice was growing frantic.

"What is it? You have to talk to me, Bella!" When I didn't answer he picked me up in one swift motion and began running. I didn't know where we were going but I appreciated the wind in my face. I realized a few moments later that we were heading back to the house. That was good, I thought. Home. Better. Soon we were back inside and Edward placed me on the couch and quickly found his phone. I could make out some of what was being said as I fought to regain some sense of normalcy.

"Carlisle! What? Alice did?" Edward's voice sounded more annoyed than anything. I could hear Carlisle on the other end. His voice was calm and measured but I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on hearing his words at the moment. Edward listened for a few moments more before speaking again. "That's not possible, Carlisle! How..." another pause. "You're sure? This is insane! Okay...okay. I understand. Thanks! I'll be in touch." And he hung up with a snap before returning to my side.

"Oh, Bella!" he breathed as he leaned down to take me in his arms and hold me steadily against his side. "It's never easy is it?" I didn't know what he was talking about but I could hear the irony in his voice and managed to look into his eyes. He still looked worried but not so frantic as before. My own feelings were slowly calming and I was beginning to be able to focus again. Soon it was better...then fine. As though nothing had ever bothered me. I sat up and drew in a deep breath. Turning, I stared at Edward and frowned.

"What was that?" I asked. "I've never felt anything like that in my life!"

"Never? Really, Bella? Think about that for a moment. Haven't you felt something like that before...maybe not quite so strong?" I didn't know what he was getting at...and then it came to me.

"Oh my god! That's not possible, Edward! How can it be?" His hand reached out to stroke my cheek and hair all the while with such a strange, sweet smile on his face.

"I don't know, Bella. But Alice saw it happen. Carlisle just told me."

"How can I still be so affected by the smell of blood? This makes no sense! It's not possible!" I felt like saying that it wasn't fair! I had been dreading feeding on blood. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to enjoy smelling and tasting something that I had always found so terrible. And now look at me! A vampire who couldn't handle the smell of blood?

"Is this some kind of cosmic joke?" I said, voicing my anger and frustration.

"What did it feel like?" Edward asked watching me intently. I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

"It felt like...like someone had kicked me in the stomach. It felt like the worst case of nausea I've ever had wrapped up with... I don't know how to describe it! It was like I felt I was going to spin away ... like I was losing myself...like something bad was attacking me." My voice was a tiny whisper but I knew Edward heard me. His hands soothed over my back and hair.

"When did you feel this...exactly?"

"When we got close to the bobcat. When I started to ...to really focus on it. I could see it and hear it perfectly. And then...and then...I could smell it...," I whispered even more quietly. "I could smell it and then I could smell more...I could smell ...I could smell it's blood!"

"How did it smell?" he asked just as quietly. It was as though he was a doctor and I was the patient and he was trying to get and accurate medical history or something. But he must need to know so I answered.

"It smelled...terrible! It was a thousand times worse than before, Edward." I looked up into his eyes as I said this, trying to make him understand how awful it had been. Though I couldn't imagine how someone who loved the taste and smell of blood could ever really understand what I had just been through. "It was different, too. Not like human blood. But terrible just the same." I looked intently into his eyes for the longest time trying to find the answer to this crazy situation but seeing only concern and love reflecting back at me. "How is this possible?" I asked again. Edward shook his head and leaned back on the couch taking me with him.

"I don't know, Bella. Carlisle did tell me, though, that you are not a unique case, if that's any comfort." It was, actually. I was really tired of being the freak in this partnership.

"Really?" I asked hopefully. If I wasn't the only one to go through this, then maybe there was a way to deal with it. That was something.

"Yes," he answered, but I noticed that he hesitated.

"What? What aren't you telling me, Edward?"

"Well...Carlisle told me that he knew of two cases where a vampire was not able to...to enjoy feeding normally." His tactful answer made me nervous.

"Ok...and then...?"

"He said that in one case the individual was able to force himself to feed on animals since the smell wasn't as bad as that of human blood...," he trailed off looking at me cautiously.

"That sounds...ok, I guess." I was having an extremely difficult time imagining that I could ever get used to that smell and my reaction to it. "And the other case?" Maybe that one was better.

"Well, Bella...perhaps we should just concentrate on what we already know," he was stalling. Why?

"What is it, Edward? What about the other case?" I sat up and turned to look at him dead on. Whatever he needed to say...I needed to hear it plain and simple. Edward looked away for a moment before taking my hand.

"In the other case, Bella...the vampire was not able to deal with blood at all." he quietly told me.

"What do you mean? What happened to him, then?" He opened his mouth to tell me...paused...then continued.

"Carlisle said that it happened to a newborn he met while he was with the Volturi. They tried to help him overcome his ...aversion...but nothing worked. The individual in question got weaker and weaker...until Aro," he stopped for a moment and closed his eyes. "Aro felt that it was...unkind...to let things continue." He whispered.

"Let things continue?"

"He had him destroyed, Bella." Edward answered quietly. I realized I was shaking when Edward pulled me into his lap and began rocking me, holding me so tightly it almost hurt.

"That's not going to happen, Bella! There's no way that's going to happen. We are going to get you through this, do you understand me?" His voice was almost harsh as he spoke these words. I nodded mutely as I stared up into his face. The ironic smile of moments ago was gone now, replaced by an intense look of determination. I swallowed, feeling the acute sense of burning in my throat that would only get worse.

"So," I began after some time of simply sitting there and feeling as though I had gone back in time to when I was fragile and definitely not durable. "What are we going to do?" My voice was tiny and quiet but I was trying to be more confident. Edward was silent for a few more seconds.

"We are going to have to work through this, Bella. And it won't be easy." he looked sadly down at me and I realized what he must mean. If I had an aversion to something that I had to have in order to live...then I was going to have to work through it by being around it as much as possible. A thought occurred to me and I surprised Edward by laughing weakly.

"I suppose this is fair," I said. Edward frowned.

"Fair? What do you mean, love?"

"Well, you needed to be with me even though my smell caused you pain. And you ...worked through it, didn't you?" I smiled up at him weakly. It took a second but then Edward was smiling down at me...at first just a small smile, like mine, but then he actually grinned and pulled me closer for a moment before kissing my forehead.

"It's not quite the same...but I get your point. And I did overcome that, didn't I? And so will you, Bella! I know you will." I smiled at his confidence and felt better just knowing that Edward had overcome something that would have cost me my life...if he could do that for me, then I could find a way to eat for him...so that I could stay with him. Nothing was going to prevent me from being with this marvelous being, my husband, the love of my life...nothing! But how to start.

Edward told me that he felt that hunting needed to take a back seat...an extreme back seat...to my simply being able to take in my new form of nourishment. I couldn't help but wish that I could still enjoy regular food! Wouldn't that have been hilarious, I thought! But just imagining eating eggs or even drinking a glass of water felt...wrong somehow. I knew that no matter how much of a freak I was going to be, I wasn't going to be that freakish.. Too bad, though.

Soon, Edward left me to go and get a supply of animal blood for me to practice on. I was squirming on the couch just thinking about how bad this was going to be. My over active memory reminding me of what it had felt like the last time to simply smell the blood from a distance. When he came back, sooner than I expected, he was empty handed.

"Ok, Bella. Now, I've got some food for you outside. I don't think I'll bring it in here...we don't want you having a problem with the smell inside our house, now, do we?" he smiled. "What I think you're going to have to do is simply not breath. You know you don't have to, right? So...let's see how you handle being around it without breathing and maybe you can try tasting it--without breathing. You've got to remember that, ok? Do Not Breath." He was standing directly in front of me with a serious but rueful expression on his face. I wondered if he found this entire situation somehow funny...like he was getting to keep the old me and the new me all at the same time. I put that thought aside because I knew that was disloyal.. He told me he didn't see a real difference in the new me...and I was going to believe that. I allowed him to pull me to my feet and lead me outside. It was strange not breathing. I had tried it before but not with a purpose. Knowing that if I breathed now I would be in the same pain as before was a real motivator.

He led me outside and out away from the house quite a distance before I saw a large bowl sitting on a flat rock. I was quickly able to see that it contained a dark red liquid and I held my breath even more tightly, if possible. Edward pulled me along until I was looking straight down at it.

"How do you feel?" I simply nodded...speech being not an option at the moment. And I did feel fine, other than thinking how weird this was to be staring a bowl full of blood. Somehow I had never imagined that my first meal in this life would take this form. But, as Edward had said, life's never easy. How right he was.

"So...no problems, right? No nausea? No pain?" I shook my head and smiled slightly all the while concentrating on not breathing. "Ok, then. Next you need to try to drink a little, ok? Just try, Bella," he said as I looked up with fear and nerves clearly broadcasting off my face. "You have to try, love." He reached out his hand and squeezed mine before taking the bowl and handing it to me. "Remember...don't breath."

I took the bowl and held it firmly because I was beginning to shake again. What if this didn't work? What if I couldn't handle blood at all? What if I just kept getting weaker and weaker, like that other vampire? What if Edward finally felt he had to ...had to...? I took the bowl and raised it to my lips. The words 'don't breath, don't breath' chanting through my head. I placed my lips to the edge of the bowl, squeezed my eyes shut and took a sip. And then another. And then another. Oh! It was heaven! It was as though all of the burning and raging fire in my throat that I had been trying so hard to ignore was being soothed away! It was bliss! Now I understood what Edward and the others meant about how wonderful this food was. I couldn't imagine anything better. How could human blood be better than this? It was glorious. It was a relief I had never imagined and I wasn't sick or in pain!

Before I knew it the bowl was empty, and it had been a very big bowl. I looked up at Edward to see him grinning at me like an idiot. I wanted to grin back but some small part of me knew that I had better not even think of breathing until I got this blood away from me. Edward took the now empty bowl.

"Do you want more?" he asked, still grinning. I could see relief etched in every facet of his glowing face. It was obvious that all the questions I had been tormenting myself with had also been running through his mind. I nodded at him and he vanished for a few moments before coming back with a full bowl and handing it to me. This time I drank it down swiftly, greedily. Edward simply watched, grinning. Every time the bowl ran dry he took it and refilled it for me. After several more refills I felt able to stop and Edward took me back inside and up to the shower. I quickly changed out of the clothes I'd been wearing and showered to prevent even the remote possibility of being able to smell what I'd just eaten. I finally, cautiously, allowed myself to breath once I had dried off and changed clothes, taking in shallow breaths at first until I was absolutely sure that no smell of blood remained. Edward was sitting on the bed watching me the entire time, still smiling.

"That went far better than I could have imagined," he finally said as I curled up next to him. "I was seriously worried, you know?" he said quietly. I looked into his eyes and saw the truth there. Reaching up I stroked my hand softly down his face.

"But you knew I would be alright! You said so, Edward," I whispered.

"I knew you would get through this...that we would get through this. But I have to admit that I thought it would take a bit longer." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me softly. "What was it like?" he wanted to know. I knew that he was experiencing being a newborn all over again through me an I smiled up at him while kissing him lightly on his cheek, his jaw, his lips.

"I was scared," I breathed my answer, "but I was determined not to fail you."

"Fail me?" he looked down at me strangely and I wish I hadn't said that.

"I just didn't want to be...I don't know...a freak! I wanted to be able to live up to what you said...that I would be able to do this. And I did!" He took my face in his strong hands and breathed his glorious scent across my face as is lips touched mine.

"You are not now, nor have you ever been, a freak, Bella Cullen! Don't you ever forget that!" And he kissed me deeply. It was a kiss full of passion, pride, and relief that, hopefully, this last hurdle was over. I was eager to put this day of new beginnings behind me and so was more than willing, on many levels, to spend the rest of the day and night in Edward's arms.

The next day was not so easy.

I forgot to hold my breath while drinking. That was bad. When I had worried about doing that very thing I had no idea how bad it would be. Now I knew. It surpassed the pain and miserableness I had experienced the day before the way flying to the moon surpasses driving to the corner store. I don't remember much of what happened after that. The next thing I was truly aware of was being in bed. I had apparently been put in the shower because I was in my robe and my hair was damp. Edward was holding me, talking to me softly as though he had been saying something to me for some time but I hadn't heard him. I felt ... fine again. It was so frustrating! I looked up to see the more than anxious look on Edward's face as he stared at me.

"So...'don't breath'? Is that what you told me?" I smiled trying to bring a little lightness into the moment. Edward closed his eyes for several moments and I wondered if he was angry with me. "I'm sorry, Edward. I ... I didn't mean to!" I said quietly. Edward's eyes snapped open and he looked at me as though I had lost my mind.

"I'm not mad at you, Bella! Don't think that! You just don't know...you don't know what I've just been through." He shook his head and leaned back against the pillows with his eyes closed again. I frowned.

"What? What do you mean?" Edward was still for several moments before raising his head and looking at me very strangely.

"You were...I don't know how it's possible...but you were ... unconscious or the closest thing to it...for most of the day, Bella! His voice was a whisper, but harsh at the same time and full of deep concern. Unconscious? I looked out of the window and was shocked to see that it was twilight when it had been mid-morning as far as I could recall. How was that possible? My blank expression must have upset him, too, because he pulled me more firmly into his arms and held me like that for some time. I could see that he was very upset and so was I. What was going on? What was I going to do?

"You have to remember not to breath, Bella! I don't know ...," he paused, kissing me deeply, urgently. "I don't know if I can handle that again, Bella. I thought I'd lost you." His eyes were filled with a kind of sadness that I hadn't seen in him in a very long time. But this was different. This time his eyes also held fear. I frowned and he must have sensed my confusion. "It wasn't like you had passed out or were asleep...not like ...like old times, Bella. Back then I could still hear your heart beat. I knew that you were still with me even if you were not aware. But this time...," his eyes closed again and I began to understand what terror he must have been through and hugged myself to him tightly. "Bella...it was like you were dead! You didn't move, you didn't breath...you don't have that tell-tale pulse to let me know you're still with me anymore. It was as though I was holding a life size doll that only looked like you. And nothing I did...," he shook his head again his eyes still closed. "There was nothing I could do to wake you up...," his voice became a whisper. "I thought I'd lost you!" He opened his eyes and stared into mine and I knew, at that moment, that if he had been able to his eyes would have been filled with tears. That's how I felt, too. I could only imagine the horror I would have felt had I not been able to wake Edward up from some strange and impossible sleep.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered, holding onto him for dear life. Edward held me and kissed me urgently, as though he was trying to convince himself that I was still with him; that it was going to be okay. The night before had been spent with a sense of victory. This night, with the memory of fear and pain surrounding us, was spent in desperation and a need for comfort. Life, whether as a human or as a vampire, was indeed not easy.

12. SURPRISE

The sounds of Edward at his piano floated through the house. He wasn't playing any piece I could recognize, in fact it sounded more like he was just playing with the keys...perhaps to distract himself. I listened from where I was curled up on the lounge by the pool. It wasn't distracting. It was almost soothing. Occasionally I caught Edward's eye through the window and he would smile a little. It had been an odd few days. Edward would go out and get me food. Then he would watch me like a hawk the entire time I was drinking, all the time reminding me over and over not to breath. His tension while he watched me made me so nervous that I was unable to enjoy my meal at all. I tried to drink as much as I could as fast as possible and at the same time I was concentrating on Not Breathing. Then there was the whole showering ritual and changing clothes thing that had to be done. Edward must be having a blast washing my clothes.

This was ridiculous, of course. I knew it and Edward knew it. All I could think about was that if one small animal's blood could cause me such problems...what would being around a human feel like? I shuddered at the thought. There was no way I could be around humans with any semblance of being normal if it looked as though I passed out whenever they came near. Not to mention the fact that I would be feeling so extremely ill whenever I smelled them that it would be unbearable.

So far we hadn't really discussed the idea of me trying to find and catch my own food. I had tried to bring it up but Edward always changed the subject. I knew I could do it...the actual hunting and catching part. I could see no problem there. But I was worried about how I was supposed to know when not to breath; how to stop myself from breathing when I was filled with the excitement I had only briefly felt that one time when we'd hunted the bobcat...that I wasn't so sure about. On the other hand, I knew that I needed to try. If we were ever going to have a life away from here, I absolutely had to find a way to deal with my reactions. But how?

I debated possibilities in my head in ways I had never been able to before. Worrying about the issues in my life was nothing new to me...but now I seemed able to analyze all the different sides of my problem in ways I could have never imagined. Had it not been for the stress I was under, this new ability to think to so clearly and with such focus would have been great...fascinating! As it was, all it did was add to the tension that had me curled up in a ball, staring at the pool unblinkingly.

A loud thud shocked me from my thoughts and I looked up to realize that it was darker now. It was apparently a lot later than I had thought. Looking behind me through the windows I saw Edward push away from the piano almost violently. Within seconds he was standing over me. He was frowning at first then smiled slightly and extended his hand.

"Let's go look at the stars, ok?" His eyes held such love and also...frustration.

We walked silently for a time. Occasionally Edward would warn me to hold my breath because some small creature had strayed too close to the house. Few did, thankfully. We came to an area that looked out over the darkened wilderness and sat down on the ground. Laying back, we could see the stars stretching across the sky. There was no light pollution here and no clouds. The stars were clearer and brighter than any I had ever seen. They seemed so close it felt like I could reach out and touch them. Whether this was due to the area or my new eyesight I didn't know or care. I was just grateful to be able to share this moment with the man I loved.

"I missed you today," Edward said tenderly. I pulled my eyes away from the sky to gaze at my own personal heaven and smiled softly.

"I've been here all day, Edward..."

"I know...it just seemed like...it wasn't the same." He raised a hand to stroke my cheek before taking my hand and playing with my fingers. I knew what he meant. We had both been so preoccupied with my situation that it was not as easy to just be together. Not like before.

"I know." I paused for a moment. "I'm sorry, Edward. This is all my fault. I wish that I was normal like you. That this wasn't happening...," Edward placed his finger over my lips to stop me. His eyes serious and sincere.

"There is absolutely no need for you to apologize. We both know that this is not your fault, so stop trying to take blame that doesn't exist." He leaned back to stare into the night. "There is no fault," he whispered. "There's only this crazy universe and the fact that we live in it."

As we lay there staring at the stars, a question that had been eating at me for some time suddenly could not be contained any longer.

"Edward?" I started, then paused.

"Yes?"

"When I wasn't...waking up. What were you saying? I heard you talking but ... I couldn't make out what you were saying at the time." He didn't answer immediately and I began to wonder if he would. I turned my head to look at him and saw that he was staring into space with a pained expression on his face. Finally he glanced at me before turning back to examine the stars.

"I was talking to you, Bella," he said, his voice quiet but rough.

"To me? About what?" Again he paused.

"I was ... I was telling you all the reasons why...why you had to stay with me. Why I couldn't lose you. I was telling you...I was begging you to stay with me, Bella; to come back to me," his voice was just a ragged whisper and it tore at my soul.

"Edward!" I whispered. He looked around at me then and held my gaze for so long I felt we had fallen into each other. His hand came up to stroke down my cheek, to caress my throat, before taking my hand and carrying it to his lips. He gently kissed each of my fingers, never taking his eyes from mine, and then held my hand against his cheek.

"I love you, Bella! You are my life. I couldn't...I can't stand the thought of losing you," he murmured huskily.

"I love you, too, Edward! You know that! I'll never leave you!" I whispered this promise against his lips before kissing him with all the passion, love, and devotion that filled my very being. When I was finally able to pull away enough to look into Edward's eyes I was relieved to see a certain measure of peace in his gaze. I smiled up at him as he pulled me into his arms and we continued our examination of the heavens.

We had been stargazing for sometime when Edward sat up so suddenly it startled me. Looking into his face I saw emotions ranging from disbelief to anger. What was going on?

"Edward?"

He looked at me for a moment in stunned silence before grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. We were back at the house within minutes only to find a jeep parked outside and the front door open. For a moment I feared that some human, perhaps a wildlife official, was inside our house. The idea of what my reaction to a human would be caused me to cringe and I took a step back. Edward looked annoyed but not worried.

"You don't have to worry, Bella," he said gripping my shoulders and looking in my eyes. He looked back at the house, though, and frowned. "But she does!"

"Who? Who is it, Edward?"

"I can't believe her!" was all the answer I got as he pulled us more slowly, almost reluctantly into the living room. There on the couch sitting cross-legged and flipping through a magazine, was a little black-haired elf by the name of Alice.

"Hi guys!" she said grinning. "Surprise!"

ooooooooooo

A thousand different thoughts raced through my brain. Annoyance that Alice was disturbing my time with Edward...our time alone was supposed to last for as long as we wanted and I wanted more of it! I was worried as to why she was here. I wondered what she thought about me...how I looked to her now. I couldn't help comparing myself to her. We both had the same color skin...the same slightly glistening look when I focused my eyes properly. I also realized that despite wanting to be alone with Edward for as long as possible, I had actually missed my new sister and wondered if she felt the same. All these thoughts flitted through my mind in seconds. I was left with confusion as to why she was here and a strange feeling of expectancy. Maybe it was good that she was here. Maybe three heads would be better than two while dealing with my latest crisis. Maybe she could help me convince Edward to let me try to hunt again. That alone would be amazing...and probably a miracle.

A low growl from Edward convinced me that he did not share my opinion.

"You have got a lot of nerve, Alice! What are you doing here?" Edward was practically roaring at her but she just grinned as she got up to give him a quick hug before racing to my side.

"I've missed you, Bella!" she exclaimed leaning back from her hug and looking up at me before letting me go and walking slowly around me. I felt like a mannequin on display. "And look at you! You look amazing...and I'm not talking about your clothes! Is it a hopeless cause for me to keep taking you shopping when all you can put on is jeans and a tee-shirt? Honestly! You really are still the same old Bella," she was shaking her head as she examined my attire critically.. "And...still the same Bella!" This time she was looking at my face. "Wow...I knew this would happen...I saw it, remember, Edward? It's like you're the same and yet...," she paused and cocked her head to one side while looking at me intently. "You seem...more in focus. Does that make any sense?" She shook her head and laughed suddenly. "Bella, Bella, Bella. You look wonderful...aside from the clothes, of course. I knew you would be beautiful...but then, you always were! What about you, though? Are you happy with the new/old you?" She stopped in front of me grinning and looking so much like the imp she was that I had to grin back.

"I like myself fine, Alice...at least," I glanced over to Edward where he stood frowning at us. "I like that I look and feel, basically, like myself."

"Hey! This is no time for long faces! I just got here! Show me around. You know I didn't get to do anything with this place. I've been wanting to see the finished product forever!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me through the house for a whirl-wind tour. She exclaimed over everything, made a few critical remarks and noticed some of the minor damages that were still slightly apparent. She grinned when we had to tell her about the couches. We were back in the living room, sitting on the lone couch while Edward stood over us in silent disapproval.

"I thought Esme said there were two of them in the living area?"

"There were," I replied sourly. Only that morning, as I had been racing to get in the shower and get the smell of blood off me and my clothes, I wasn't paying the attention that walking now required and crashed into the couch closest to the back door. It was now out in the garage. It wasn't something I wanted to talk about. Edward thankfully interrupted our discussion at this point.

"Is that really why you're here, Alice? You desperately needed to see our house? Haven't you ever heard the terms 'honeymoon' or 'privacy'?" He was being very sarcastic and I sensed that Alice must be thinking pretty hard if Edward actually had to ask her why she was here.

"Well...," she said smiling at us both. "I did want to see the place. But, you're right. That's not the only reason I came. Carlisle sent me, so don't bother getting mad at me," she glared up at him. "After your last call and...from what I could 'see'...he felt that you guys needed help and I agreed." She was no longer glaring but she looked very serious. Hearing that Carlisle had thought that this was what I needed made me even more grateful that my pixie sister had come. Edward did not seem to feel the same way.

"We were doing fine." he grumbled.

"Really? Fine? Have you taken her hunting again? Has she been able to breath around anything with blood in it without running away or collapsing?" She paused looking at us both. "I didn't think so," she said. Getting up from the couch, she walked over to him and placed one of her tiny hands on his arm and stared up into his chiseled face. "I came to help, ok?" she said quietly and sincerely. Edward stared at her for a few moments before visibly relaxing. I wondered what other conversation had been going on between them that had helped him let go of his frustration at her intruding on our time together here. I had already accepted that she was here and was glad of it. All I could think was that it couldn't hurt. Of course, I wanted as much time alone with Edward as I could possibly get. But not like this. Not with this issue darkening our mood and stealing away our happiness in simply being together.

"So...Where to start?" She grinned.

The next few weeks were pure hell for me and Edward. Alice seemed to take it all in stride and I was truly glad she was there. Especially when I had another bad episode when we tried to go a little too far a little too fast and I breathed in the scent of some rabbit blood. I wasn't unconscious for as long as before but I knew that Edward had been just as upset. I was very grateful that Alice had been there to calm him down and reassure him that she saw me waking up and being all right.

After that we decided to work up to actually smelling fresh blood. How we were supposed to do that I didn't know and Edward wasn't offering any suggestions. I began to wonder if he was perfectly content with fetching my food for me for the rest of eternity. That was not a future I was willing to face. Alice had her own ideas, though. She told us she was going hunting and disappeared for two days...time alone that Edward and I took full advantage of. When she returned she informed us that we were now in possession of a small wildlife zoo in our garage. Edward listened grimly while Alice explained her idea.

"This way, you can work on being around the animals in a controlled setting. The more you are around them, the more you will, hopefully, become desensitized." I could see her logic but Edward wasn't happy about it.

"After what happened the last time, I think we need to move more slowly, Alice. We don't have to race to do anything right now. And exposing Bella to caged animals might cause her to...," he trailed off as he glanced at me nervously. I knew that he was traumatized by my passing out or whatever it was I did. I understood that, but I needed to get through this. For both of us.

"Edward...I have to try!"

"I know...it's just," he looked away clenching his jaw tightly. He looked at me again as I placed my hand on his cheek and stroked it softly.

"I'll be alright, Edward. You're here with me. Alice is here. We have to do this." His eyes bore into mine before he turned to look at Alice who had stood silently watching us with a odd little smile on her face. Edward sighed, his eyes filled with concern.

"Fine! But let's please take this slow, ok?" Alice and I agreed with that whole-heartedly.

Unfortunately, her idea that I would become desensitized to the smell of blood by spending time around the poor caged creatures hit a snag almost immediately. Less than a second after I entered the building I found myself fleeing the area...just the way I'd reacted when I first smelled that bobcat. Edward caught me and grimly brought me back to the house after I was able to breath again. That was not the best beginning because Edward felt that we were still moving too fast. It took quite a bit of fast talking by both Alice and myself to convince him to let me keep trying.

The next day, Alice took one of the cages that held a fox and put it outside the garage. She had me stand at a distance where I couldn't smell it and slowly move to where I could barely smell it. This wasn't quite so terrible and I was able to stand my ground. I spent most of that day just sitting about one hundred yards away from the cage and the frightened animal it held. When Edward saw that I was actually able to smell a living creature without fleeing the area or passing out, he became much more involved. He insisted that I stay as close as possible to the animal and its scent. Those were not fun days.

As time passed, though, I was able to decrease my distance from the caged animals to the point where I was finally able to enter the garage itself, with all of the different animals inside, and not give in to the need to get as far as possible from their terrible stench. I now knew and, reluctantly, accepted that I would probably never be able to fully enjoy feeding the way the others did. But I was becoming more and more confident that I would be able to be around humans a lot sooner than I had previously thought. And that made me wonder about seeing my family again. The knowledge that I probably wouldn't be craving their blood filled me with hope.

I had assumed that it would take years before I could see Charlie or Rene again safely, maybe not ever...which hurt me more than I'd been willing to admit to anyone, including myself. And then, if I was able to see them but only after a long time, how was I supposed to explain where I'd been all those years and why I hadn't come to see them? Now I felt that if I could only conquer my strange reaction to the smell of blood, I had a chance of seeing everyone, and a lot sooner. That gave me the motivation I needed to keep entering that garage and breathing in the reek of the place. And it was getting better. Each day I felt that I was able to stand it for longer and longer periods of time and to breath more deeply without overreacting. More importantly, I hadn't passed out again, and that was a relief to everyone.

Having Alice with us was nice but strange. I had gotten used to it just being the two of us and I could tell that Edward felt the same. Once I was able to enter the garage without taking flight, Alice took off for a few days of hunting, leaving Edward and I alone. I think she knew what she was doing...as always...because as soon as she had left the area, Edward grabbed me and raced us upstairs. I had been missing this, too. Just being with Edward, in his arms, feeling him becoming a part of me, my soul...it was very healing. When I was with Edward, when we were together this way, the problems we were facing seemed so insignificant and completely conquerable.

"I've missed you," he whispered to me at one point. His lips were trailing down my throat as we lazily reacquainted each other with our touch. As I ran my hands softly through his hair and down his back, Edward closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against my shoulder.

"I've missed you, too," I whispered back. This was the way every day was supposed to be right now. This was our honeymoon, for heaven's sake! Again, I wondered briefly if my life was some sort of cosmic joke...that someone, somewhere was getting a real kick out of watching me and the ones I love jump through hoops. Edward's lips and hands quickly distracted me and we continued to make up for lost time...making the absolute most of Alice's absence.

Soon I was back to work and, after much time and effort, found that I was able to actually hold an animal without freaking out. I felt sorry for our test subjects, though. I knew that I would never be able to use them for food after all the terror I had put them through during my weeks of practice. I was grateful when I was able to release them back to the wild and watch them race away. It was also a relief for another reason...one that was exciting as well as a little frightening. After much argument and proving again and again that I was able to stand the smell of animal blood without becoming catatonic, Edward was finally going to take me hunting.

Alice came with us just in case. At first I was upset that maybe she didn't think I could handle it...but I reminded myself that she was only trying to help...that she had already been a great help. If she felt that she might be needed...who was I to argue with her?

By the end of that day I was beyond happy. I was ecstatic! Victorious! All our hard work had paid off. We had located some deer and Edward had herded them my way. As they got closer I concentrated on not breathing too deeply. Instead, I made a game of it...a challenge with myself. I could do this! I would do this. I would catch one of those deer and I would feed on it the same way that Alice and Edward did. I would not be drinking from a bowl...not any more! And I did it! The deer swerved our way and all the excitement that I had felt that first time soared through me. I finally understood what Edward had told me so long ago about how a vampire's instincts take over while hunting. It was amazing...and a little scary. But it was also exhilarating! When I focused on one of the deer that was heading in my general direction...I lunged for it, catching it easily as though it was not a very large and muscular beast at all. I was already drinking from it before I really knew what I was doing! I did manage to keep from not inhaling it's scent too deeply and from getting any of it's blood on my clothes...something I was especially proud of. At least I was able to do one thing right! The excitement of the chase and the thrill of the capture almost made up for the fact that it felt like I was eating something that tasted good, but smelled like death and rot and every other disgusting thing I could imagine. But I wasn't running away, I wasn't in pain, and I definitely was not passing out.

It was a triumphant day. Alice was beaming as I continued to find, catch and drink from a variety of animals...for the first time really satisfying my burning thirst. She was extremely happy and proud of me...but that was nothing to the pride and excitement I could see glowing in Edward's eyes. When we were on our way home, he kept picking me up and twirling me around, kissing me every few steps. Alice finally had enough of that and grinned at us before racing back to the house. We took our time, celebrating the fact that I was not going to be as handicapped as I had feared.

"I told you, Bella! I knew you could do this...and you have!" Edward's voice rang with pride and happiness as he kissed me deeply under the bright southern sky.

"I couldn't have done it without you, Edward. Or Alice, for that matter. I think I would have given up."

"No, you wouldn't have. I know you too well, love. You are stronger than you think. Stronger, braver, and more wonderful than any person I've ever or will ever know." His kisses were a prize to me. His words sang to my still heart. Edward always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. He always saw the best in me, even when I had condemned myself in my heart.

"Edward!" I whispered against his lips as he held me tightly in his arms. "I can't imagine what I've ever done to deserve someone who feels for me the way you do. But I promise you this: I will do everything in my power to be the person you see in me. Because to me, you're the bravest, the strongest, and the most wonderful person in my universe. And you always will be!"

It took us some time to get back to the house. It was time well-spent because we didn't know how much privacy we would be getting in the near future. Technically I didn't really need any more help...at least I didn't think so. But Alice hadn't talked about when she would be leaving. She'd never mentioned it, actually. I just assumed that she would be going home as soon as this crisis was handled.

When we finally made it home, we found Alice once again sitting cross-legged on the lone couch, this time with a strange look on her face and a thin tube in her hand. It was a vial full of a dark reddish liquid.

"It's time for phase two," she said holding up the vial that I soon learned was full of human blood.

13. TOLERANCE

I've often wondered what it must feel like to be a lab rat; at the mercy of scientists and their experiments. I no longer needed to wonder. What I had gone through while building up a tolerance for the smell of animal blood had been bad, of course. Worse than bad...a nightmare! But it was like a gentle spring rain compared to dealing with the effects of human blood. There are some memories I truly wish I was capable of forgetting, and deeply resent the fact that I never will. This time in my life would always be at the top of that list.

Alice had not just brought the one vial of blood with her. She had brought an entire refrigerated case full of such vials.

"Edward! You knew about this and didn't tell me?" I had asked, deeply shocked and scared out of my wits. It had been such a great day. I had demonstrated to myself and my family that I would be able to exist like them. That I wasn't going to be handicapped. It had been a victorious day. And now here we were, back at the beginning. A beginning that looked extremely bleak.

"I knew that Carlisle had sent Alice for this reason," he stated quietly. I recalled the silent conversation that Edward and Alice had shared the night she had arrived. So this was what Edward had learned. I couldn't believe that he hadn't shared this with me. It hurt and Edward could see my reaction in my eyes.

"Bella...yes, I knew that Carlisle had sent the blood. But I also didn't know how all of this was going to play out. Neither did you."

"I did," Alice piped in, smiling ruefully. Edward glared at her before returning to my side and placing his hands on my shoulders and hold me still in front of him. His eyes were serious and sincere. I knew in my soul that he hadn't kept this from me to hurt me. But that didn't change the fact that he had kept this from me.

"I just felt that you needed to see that you could overcome the problem with animal blood before...before we tried something that will most likely be a lot harder," he paused before continuing softly. "I needed to see that, too, Bella. I'm so sorry! I wasn't keeping this from you so much as...as stalling." He glanced back at Alice, frowning. Before continuing. "I had also hoped to wait to tell you this...show you this...until later. You could have given it a few days, Alice," he said to her, glaring once again. Alice shook her head.

"No, Edward. We need to keep going," was her quiet reply. Edward frowned at this.

"Why?"

"Don't worry about it...we just do." Alice looked strangely at him for a moment before glancing at me then away. Looking at Edward I noticed a frustrated look on his face, as well. He must be trying awfully hard to see her thoughts and I wondered what she was having to do or think about in order to keep him out...and, more importantly, why.

Alice moved to the case of vials and I reluctantly followed; curious to see what I was going to have to get through. The case was deep and held several levels of vials all labeled neatly, declaring their contents. At first I didn't see the order but after examining it more closely I saw that there seemed to be about ten vials per blood type. For example, there appeared to be ten O+ and ten O- vials. There seemed to be more vials then there were blood types, but I wasn't sure. Carlisle, I thought grimly, of course knew more about blood types than me. Edward lifted a few of the vials out of the case and examined them.

"Carlisle really isn't taking chances, is he?" he seemed to be speaking more to himself. He felt me looking at him and showed me the vial he was holding.

"These vials are from different donors. Each vial represents a different person with different antibodies and antigens, some fairly rare."

"Why did he send so many?" My voice shook as I said this and Edward placed the vial he was holding back in the case and wrapped an arm around me as we stared into the case.

"This is really marvelous, Bella," his voice did not radiate excitement about what was in front of us. It was deep and serious and made me cringe back against him. He held me closer as he continued. "It is, love! I'm surprised he was able to gather these so quickly...," he trailed off looking at Alice. "I see," he mumbled. Looking back at me he grimaced. "Carlisle has evidently been collecting these for some time. Well...he's nothing if not thorough. I should be grateful," there was a slightly bitter tone in his voice as he said this, but he shook his head and smiled slightly at me and Alice. "I am grateful. Think about it," a note of excitement crept into his voice. "Here we have a sample of pretty much every blood type and subtype out there. That means that you will be able to be exposed to so many different people's blood before you ever have to deal with them in person. It's a real gift that Carlisle's sent us." He smiled ruefully at Alice who grinned back.

"He knew you would appreciate this...once you thought about it."

"I do...I just wish he didn't think he had to keep things from me," he stopped and looked at me. My ironic expression made him grin again. He raised his hands in surrender.

"Okay, Okay! Point taken!"

I felt better about that point now...but the idea of what that case represented drove any really positive thoughts from my mind. I took a deep breath, something I now did with nervousness and fear.

"So...how are we ...what's the idea?" Edward hugged me again and looked at Alice for a moment. He frowned and shook his head slightly, glancing down briefly before looking back into my worried eyes.

"Well, Bella...," he started but didn't seem able to continue. Oh, this was not going to be good. That was obvious. Alice came and sat down on the floor next to me.

"Bella...this is not going to be easy. I already know that much. But I also know that you are going to get through this. So just trust that, okay?" She reached out and held my hand.

"I do trust you, Alice," I finally croaked out. "I'm...I'm just...scared! How bad...?" She seemed to know what I was getting at.

"Bad," was her quiet and serious answer.

If my heart had still been able to beat it would have been slamming in my chest. As it was, I felt like I was going to shatter into a thousand pieces. I had already been through so much! I didn't immediately realize that I had bent over and was holding my head in my hands. How long I stayed like that I'm not certain. But soon I felt both of my loved ones hands patting me on the back and hugging me in silent support. I leaned over and rested against Edward and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tightly it was as though he was trying to give me all of his strength. Alice finally got up and left us alone.

"Bella," Edward whispered. "I'm so sorry, love! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know you're scared, Bella. I know. But ...we have to get you through this, right? You want to see Charlie again. And Renee. I know you can do this, Bella. Your are so strong! You've been so brave. You can do this, love." His whispered words softly flowed through me as he held me tightly. I knew he meant everything he was saying. And I loved that he felt this way about me. But how was I to live up to those words. I honestly didn't know if I had the strength. As I continued to listen to his words of encouragement and support, though, I once again felt that driving need to live up to his belief in me. That gave me the strength to move forward...to take the next step.

I leaned back and looked up into his adorable face. His eyes were full of love and concern...but also of such pride and confidence in me! Leaning up I kissed him softly on the lips before turning my body and resting my head under his chin.

"You are my strength, Edward!" I whispered into his throat. He held me even more tightly, straining me to him. We sat there in silence for a long time before we finally, and of one accord, got to our feet and walked outside to where Alice was dangling her feet in the pool. She looked up and smiled tenderly at us both.

"Ok, then? Time to get to work." She got up and hugged me briefly before walking back into the house. We followed her into the living room.

"So--you've just had a big meal, Bella. That's a good thing." She didn't explain why and I was trying not to think too much about what that meant.

"I think that we had better set things up a bit." I frowned at her words but I noticed that Edward's face had gone carefully blank. Again I tried to just not think. Worrying about what they were about to do would not help. Alice and Edward looked at each other silently for a long moment and I saw Edward's jaw clench tightly. Great!

"Not our room," Edward suddenly bit out roughly. What was he talking about? Alice glanced at me quickly before walking down the hallway to the guest rooms.

Edward turned and looked at me oddly for a moment before reaching out and taking my hand. He looked at me with such pain in his eyes. Such sorrow, I thought I would fall to my knees. He looked down and played with my fingers for a moment before looking up again and softly stroking my cheek with his fingertips. He stared into my eyes and over my face, his fingers touching my lips, my jaw, my ear. It felt like he was trying to memorize my face...a silly thought because I knew that I was as engraved into his soul as he was in mine.

"I love you, Bella!" he whispered again urgently.

"I know you do, Edward." I whispered back, growing more nervous despite my resolve not to think about what was about to happen. He stroked my face again and stood there looking into my eyes for a long moment before taking my hand again and leading me slowly down the hall.

In one of the bedrooms, Alice had been busy. She was now standing at the head of the bed and I could see that she held a vial in her hand. I nearly panicked and ran at the sight of it but held my ground.

"Bella, I think it would be better if you just go ahead and lie down," she stated gently. I cringed, my head bowing as I let myself fully understand what she was implying. Of course. If the first time I deeply smelled animal blood I ended up unconscious...why would my first experience of human blood in this life be any different? Edward's squeezed my hand tightly. I stood looking down for several moments before looking up and allowing Edward to lead me over to the bed and lying down. I could feel the silent sobs trying to break free from my throat and rigidly held them back, but I knew that my expression was reflecting my feelings perfectly despite this effort. Edward continued to hold my hand.

"You're going to get through this, Bella!" His voice was a command. I looked up into his eyes and saw his strength and grabbed onto that as Alice moved to the other side of the bed. Edward glanced at her and let go of my hand.

"Okay, Bella. This is it. We're going to try the O-types first. I'm not going to lie to you. This is going to be bad. But you will be alright. You will get through this. Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about, okay?" She smiled slightly, patting my arm before leaning back, gripping the vial in her hands, and opening it.

The memory of my changing into a vampire is the only pain I can compare to the agony that blasted through my body as the smell of that blood hit me. It tore through me in an instant of nauseating, writhing, horrific pain...and then came the bliss and comfort of darkness.

ooooooooooo

When my mind finally surfaced, I was still lying on the bed and it felt as though no more than a moment had passed. The pain was blissfully gone...once again as though it had never been in me. I opened my eyes and drew a careful breath into my lungs. I thankfully felt the satisfying stretching sensation that breathing now brought me, and nothing more. Looking around I saw Alice standing smiling at the foot of the bed. She was wearing different clothes. That was the only indication I had that time had passed. Feeling movement on my left, I looked around and into Edwards tired eyes. He looked exhausted and grim even though he was smiling slightly.

"Hi," I said, reaching for his hand. He took it and brought it to his lips never taking his eyes from mine. I tried not to think about what had happened and how that must have affected this amazing man, but I could see in his eyes that he had been through much more than the times I had passed out from the smell of animal blood.

"So...," I began. "What's the bad news?" Alice smiled again and walked over to the head of the bed. I scooted up and Edward wrapped his arm around me.

"You were out for... a longer time than with animal blood, Bella." She stated quietly, grimacing. Edward's arm contracted across my shoulders and I looked up to see him looking into the distance with a slightly dead look in his eyes. This wasn't good.

"I feel fine, now," I said trying to take that expression from his beautiful face. I was deliberating not thinking about the pain that had sent my mind away to hide. That was not a memory I wanted to hold onto forever...even though I knew I would.

"That's good, Bella. I knew you would be fine in the end...but you do need to know... I saw that you would black out from the odor of human blood. But...I didn't exactly know when we began just how long you would be...gone." Alice was being so hesitant in her choice of words. This wasn't like her and I frowned as I glanced from her to Edward and back again. What was she saying? I thought about this for a moment.

"How long?" I asked. Alice glanced at Edward and I felt more than actually saw him nod his head briefly.

"Ten days, Bella," was her almost silent reply. I sat there and stared at her wordlessly. Ten days? Oh my god! Ten days! I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I had been...gone...out...for ten days. That was...unbelievable. Ten days just...gone.

"What...what happened...before I ...passed out?" I knew what I had experienced but I was suddenly very curious, perhaps morbidly so, about what they had seen as I had passed from pain into darkness. Alice glanced at Edward again before speaking.

"You screamed...just once," her voice gave it away that it had been no normal scream. "And then you just...were gone. It's really...hard to see that, Bella. Even for me...and I knew you were going to wake up." She looked at Edward again before looking away and then back at me. "You really do look like you're...dead, Bella. It's very...disconcerting." I could only imagine what watching me lying motionless for ten days must have been like for Edward. I leaned into him more closely, holding him to me. I wanted him to feel that I was there with him. That I was here...and fine...and alive.

I buried my face in his chest and held him as tightly as he was holding me. I heard Alice leave the room after a moment and was glad. Edward and I needed some time alone. I needed to reassure him that I was alive...and I really needed to do the same for myself. I looked up into Edward's haggard face.

"I'm alright, Edward," I whispered. "It was...bad. Like Alice said. But, you were right! I got through it. I will get through it!" I leaned up and kissed him softly and then not so softly. A fraction of a second later I heard him moan softly against my lips as he turned me and kissed me deeply, holding me tightly. His hands and lips urgently explored me, as though he needed to feel every part of me in order to really know that I was back, that I was with him...that I was really alright.

I spared a moment to hope that Alice had left the house because I knew that Edward and I would be very busy with each other for some time to come.

ooooooooooo

After that things settled into a basic pattern. For each blood type and subtype, I seemed to have the same initial reaction. I ended up unconscious for several days...some for longer and others for shorter periods of time. Even the different examples of the same blood type usually caused me to pass out the first time I experienced them. It was a horrible and extremely painful time in my life.

As the weeks passed, I grew a little numb from all of the experimenting that we were doing. I knew it was for the best of causes...but it didn't change the fact that I was losing months of my life. Each time I woke up I could tell that the experience was also draining Edward. It was so terrible seeing the look on his face each time I came back from an extended period of unconsciousness. Alice was the incurable optimist in all of this. If it hadn't been for her absolute knowledge that I was going to get better, I knew that Edward and I would not have been able to continue.

Hunting for food was now a relief. The smell of animal blood could not even hope to compare with dealing with human blood. For that I was grateful. After a time, I even began to look forward to the smell of my food. I knew it didn't compare with the delightful perfume-like aroma the others experienced, but it was beginning to grow on me...especially when I remembered what human blood smelled like.

I had to feed a lot more, now. Alice and Edward insisted that before I started on a new vial, I had to be extremely well-fed since I was out for such lengthy periods of time.

At first it seemed as though things would never get better. Alice assured me that they would, though. The first time I didn't black out was viewed as a great success...even though it took both of them to catch me and make me stop running from the smell. Once I was able to breath again, I lay on the ground laughing with relief that I hadn't passed out. Edward and Alice laughed, too. It was a good moment...but I still had so many other, extremely unpleasant moments to get through.

14. FINAL EXAM

It was mid-November when I finally conquered the smell of all the Type-O blood samples. Along the way, Alice devised a system similar to how I became desensitized to animal blood. This involved using smaller and smaller samples of the blood we were working with at greater and greater distances until I was able to smell it and not run away or pass out. Once I was able to deal with a certain distance and amount, they would decrease the distance slowly and increase the size of the sample. Each new vial of type O began basically the same, but it soon began to take less time for me to build up a tolerance to the next vial's affects.

The A and B types were actually pretty easy compared with O, which I now hated with a passion. It was probably due to the fact that O was the first type I had to get through...but I honestly thought I would never hate the smell of anything so much as Type O...until we came to AB-. Simply put, that type blood was...hell. It took longer and much greater effort for me to get through that first horrid vial and be able to smell it without reaction than any other type. Why AB-? I had no idea and neither did Edward or Alice. All I knew was that it was from the devil and I loathed it.

"I hate the smell of blood!" I whined one afternoon when I knew that I had one more vial of AB- to get through before I was finally done. Edward chuckled.

"I think I can safely say that I've never actually heard a vampire utter those words...and mean them," he grinned at my frustration. I glared back at him and turned to continue swimming. It was our day off. We had instituted it several months back, slightly against Alice's will. I was grateful that we had been able to override her on this. It was so great having at least one day where I didn't need to hunt or experiment on myself.

Alice usually made herself scarce on those days...actually any day when Edward and I had the opportunity to be alone. I had to give her that...she never forgot that despite all we were going through...this was supposed to be our honeymoon, and for that I was grateful. Not that it really felt like a honeymoon anymore. Edward and I talked about that every once in a while; how things were supposed to be and how they were...for now. We had a few thoughts about how we might make things right..once all this was over. But those conversations were few and far between. So, when we had the time to be together...we took it.

Sometimes it hit me how much time had passed since we were married. It was February. We'd been married for almost six months. All that time that we had planned on simply being together...with no family, no interruptions... It seemed that no matter how hard we tried, things just didn't work that easily for us.

I was excited, though. Just one more hideous vial of AB-, and I would be free! Alice could go home...and then, maybe, Edward and I could get back to where we'd started. That was the finish line I was fighting for...the motivating force that had gotten me through the last few months.

Just thinking about that vial of blood soured my day off, though. I almost wished that we had just gone ahead and gotten it over with instead of putting it off. I knew what to expect now. That was something, at least. I knew that I would black out for at least five days, more or less...because the last vial had caused me to pass out for about that long. And I knew that I would be miserable in ways impossible to describe before my mind blanked out. That was just so wonderful to contemplate.

The numbness that had grown within me while dealing with the A and B types had worn off a little during my ordeal with AB-. I was dreading tomorrow and all it would mean, not only for myself, but for Edward, too. I honestly think he died a little each time I went away like that. The look in his eyes when I would wake up...it was not pleasant. It was as though he had been through such torture...the same pain that caused me to hide inside my mind.

We had talked with Carlisle about that; my reaction to the smell of blood. He felt that whatever ability I had that prevented Edward from reading my thoughts was probably at work here as well...protecting my mind from the overwhelming pain I was experiencing. Of course, I had no more control of this reaction than I had with keeping someone from reading my mind...but I was grateful that it was there; this protection. I hated that it meant I was losing so much time. However, the sacrifice of time was a small price to pay if it meant that I was spared some measure of the pain I briefly felt each time we tried a new blood type or sample. Just thinking about what it would be like to experience that agony with no escape, no relief! It was a horror beyond my comprehension.

These were not thoughts for my day off, though.

It was funny...swimming in February. I knew it was cold out here but it had no affect on me enjoying my swim. It was strange how temperatures seemed so different to me now. Edward was warm. This pool felt wonderful. And the fireplace still felt glorious! It was as though I no longer had access to the sensation of cold. Weird.

A splash informed me that my neglected husband had decided to join me. I grinned as he swam next to me, deliberately splashing me as he passed by. These days off were good for Edward, too. He was able to relax and think about positive things for awhile. I loved him with all my heart, but I was not blind to his ability to brood about things. It was such a relief to see him grinning again...even if that would change the next day.

"Enjoying your swim, love?" His voice lazily caressed me making me shiver...and not from the cold water.

"Absolutely! This water is heaven."

He was silent for a while and we both turned to float on our backs for a moment. I couldn't help thinking about the first time we had floated in this pool and the events that had followed immediately after. A grin spread across my face and I turned my head to see the same grin on Edward's lips, his eyes closed against the sun.

"You are tempting me, Mrs. Cullen," he murmured softly. I laughed at that and his eyes snapped open, their golden depths drowning me.

"Then you'd better give in, Mr. Cullen," I whispered back. With a splash of water we were out of the pool and upstairs in our room.

Lovely days like that were precious to us...and so rare.

ooooooooooo

The next day I tried hard not to glare at Alice as she got ready to open the last vial of my nemesis; AB- blood. I was lying on the bed in the guest room that had continued to be the designated lab room for my first trial with a new blood sample.

It was so hard for me not to panic when we did this. Memories of the pain I was about to feel would flood my wonderfully rewired brain and I would lie there cringing, unable to let myself breath. It took all of Edward's patience and support, plus Alice's sometimes sarcastic comments, to make me finally inhale the odor that would send me into spirals of raw agony that rivaled the pain of my transformation.

But today was the beginning of the last time I would have to work my way through AB- blood. That was something to hold onto, I kept telling myself. And so I tried to relax, caught Edward's loving eyes filled with concern once more, and closed my eyes. That was Alice's signal to open the vial.

Once again the agony burned within me...shattering, ripping pain that tore through me in a fiery, horrific instant. And then...blackness.

ooooooooooo

When I opened my eyes, Edward was the only one there. He was sitting at the end of the bed staring at my face and, for a moment, I thought we were in our own room, before I was changed. But then I noticed what room we were in and the fact that I was lying fully clothed on top of the covers. Breathing deeply, I sat up and looked questioningly at Edward. He knew what I was asking.

"Five days...you were right," he confirmed.

We sat there for a few minutes just looking into each others eyes. This had become our 'morning' ritual and was something I cherished. The next part of the ritual involved hunting for food. My throat was burning terribly and I felt so horribly empty inside that I longed to race out of the house and find relief for my thirst.

Hunting with Edward was one of my new favorite things. The excitement, the thrill of the hunt... I had never imagined that I could enjoy something like this for myself. I had always wanted to see Edward hunt; been so curious about what it would be like to see him act on his instincts...to just let go. It was wonderful...and a little terrifying. He was so graceful, even when stalking his prey. There was such power in him that it overwhelmed me at times.

Edward seemed to like watching me hunt, too. I was getting better and better at it, I had to admit. Since I never really succumbed to true blood lust, like they did, I was able to be more precise at times with my kills. Edward said that my hunting talents were already those of a vampire that had been around for far longer than my short experience with this new life. That made me happy...at least I was doing something right.

The next day I was back in The Room for my second encounter with this new and last sample. As we thought, the next few trials had me blacking out for fewer and fewer days. Finally, we were able to move outside and start on finding the distance that would make me run and not pass out. We had gotten so good at this part that, in spite of the fact that we were dealing with the one blood type I had had a real problem with, we found the correct distance on our first try.

I ran like the wind in a panicked flight to escape the reek of that blood...something I seemed to have no conscious control over. Edward raced behind me and tackled me to the ground. He held me until I was able to breath again and we both grinned as we got to our feet and strolled back to the house. These moments, when I didn't pass out and Edward had to run and catch me, were always a bit humorous in the end. I felt giddy with relief that I was not waking up days after the event with who knew how much time simply lost. Edward, I knew, felt the same. He was grinning now as we walked back to the house.

We were both a little high on the thought that we probably only had a few more days, maybe weeks, and this could all be over. It was a very intoxicating thought.

Finally the day came when I didn't run. The last sample of AB- had been conquered! All I had to do now was build up a tolerance for it by gradually getting closer and closer to the sample and being able to breath normally. My happiness at the thought of finally beating this foul thing gave me so much confidence. I worked twice as hard and to overcome my last and tiniest flight reactions to that blood, with swift results.

I'll never forget the pride I felt in myself or the gleaming look in Edward's eyes the day I was able to hold that rotten vial in my own hand and breath normally with no reaction. I was done! I had done it! Finally! Alice had to take the vial from me because I started jumping up and down and Edward swung me up in his arms, kissing me deeply. It was a glorious moment!

However, Alice had other ideas.

"Bella, I have a little surprise for you," she interrupted us to say. Her tone was odd, so I looked around to see what she was talking about. She was holding two new vials in her hands that I could tell were ones I had not been using.

"Alice! No! You said we were done with the AB-'s. I'm not doing any more and that's final." Alice grinned at the mutinous look that no doubt swept across my face.

"This is your final exam, Bella Cullen...so deal with it!"

"Final exam?" I was curious...did that mean I would have to identify blood types or something? I knew I could do that easily, now...but it seemed a little pointless.

"That's right. Step over here and you shall see," she stated melodramatically. I glanced up at Edward and he was shaking his head with a semi-patient smile on his face. That made me relax a little...Edward was obviously not that upset about it, so why should I be, right?

Alice held out the vials and I gasped. Both were labeled as Type O, but that was not what caught my eye. None of the other samples actually listed the names of the donors. These did.

"'Isabella Swan.' 'Charlie Swan.' How did you do this?" I whispered. "And why?" The vials clearly contained samples of both my own old blood and my father's. What was going on here?

"It wasn't me, silly! Carlisle felt that for all of us, you included, to be confident that you could see Charlie again, and one day Renee, that you would need to have experience with your family's blood. What do you think?" she asked Edward.

Edward was now holding the vial that contained my blood sample, an odd look on his face.

"I think it's brilliant. Carlisle was really thinking ahead, wasn't he?" his soft voice held an odd note and I looked questioningly at him. Gesturing at the vial he held, he smiled a little.

"This was most likely from your stay at the hospital in Phoenix two years ago, Bella," he softly stated. My eyes widened as I realized how long Carlisle must have been planning this moment, or one like it. We both turned to look at a very smug Alice.

"Carlisle trusts me, Bella. Well...me and my visions," she grinned, her head cocked to one side as if to tell us that we had been silly to ever think otherwise.

"I trust you, Alice...but this is...almost unbelievable," I said looking at the vials again. "So...what do we do?"

"Well, you've already mastered this type blood, so I don't see a real problem there... But these are different samples so we'll just stay out here and see what you'll do, ok?" Her smile told me that she already knew what my reaction would be, but I was still very curious. What would my own blood smell like to me now? Or Charlie's?

"Let's start with the sample of your blood, shall we?" Alice chirped. Edward looked strangely at me and that vial before nodding. I thought about that and realized that this would be the first time he smelled 'his brand of heroine' in several months. This should be interesting.

I decided to stand at the distance I usually took from a vial when I thought I might still run, just in case, and Alice opened it. That was strange. Nothing happened. I smelled blood...but it was the way blood used to smell to me, basically...metallic, salty, not an odor I enjoyed smelling...but nothing more. There was no pain, no nausea. Just a bland aroma of normal blood. Even that was odd--I thought I should at least feel some level of discomfort, the way I used to...but there was nothing. There was also no feeling within me that I wanted to drink from that vial. Very strange.

Alice grinned at my confusion and I looked up to see how Edward was responding. His eyes were a bit blacker...but he was looking at me, not the vial.

"Are you ok?" He asked gruffly.

"I'm...fine!" I paused looking at his tense face. "What about you?"

"I'm fine...it's just...been a while, Bella. Your scent had been with me so long that I had gotten, well...desensitized to it, to a large degree. Alice?" He turned to her and she nodded, recapping the vial. Edward breathed deeply for a few moments to clear away my old smell. Looking down at me, he smiled.

"So you didn't feel the urge to run for the hills at the smell of your own blood?"

"More than that, Edward. I didn't feel...anything! Nothing. It was strange." Edward frowned for a moment and glanced over at Alice who was getting ready to open the vial of Charlie's blood. She grinned again.

"Bella's weird, Edward...how should I know why she does half the things she does?" She winked at me and held up the other vial.

"You ready?" I nodded and she took the cap off.

This was different. I did feel the urge momentarily to back away. The smell was classic Type O. But there was a difference. I had overcome my reactions to Type O a long time ago so I knew I would be able to handle another sample of it. Charlie's blood, though, seemed to be a mixture of normal Type O and my own blood...diluted somehow. I didn't like the smell...I felt a brief revulsion at the odor...and then it was gone and it smelled basically like my own blood. I looked at Alice again.

"You knew I would react this way, didn't you?" Silly question, I know, but I was astonished. Alice smiled a little condescendingly.

"I knew you would have no problem with your family's scent...if that's what you're asking."

"Why didn't you let me try these earlier, then?"

"If you had smelled these first it would have been a real shock to you when you had to deal with the other samples. Besides...I thought this would make a great final exam/graduation present." She resealed the vial as I turned to stare at Edward, grinning beside me.

"And you knew, too?" He reached down and hugged me, picking me up and twirling me around.

"I knew," he grinned. I punched his shoulder causing him to fall back a few paces...still grinning. I was reluctantly beginning to grin, too. Graduation present? That made sense. I was done, now. I not only would be able to be around humans without reacting in a way that was sure to cause undue attention, but I would also be able to be around my parents...without discomfort of any kind. This was a miracle to me. A gift I could never have expected. All I had been through these last months...it all seemed worth it to me now.

I was so ecstatic that I didn't immediately realize that Alice and Edward had grown silent. I turned finally and caught them staring at each other. Alice's expression was determined. Edward's was serious...and upset.

"What?" I asked.

Edward turned to look at me and back at Alice, still frowning. Alice glanced at me and frowned sadly before turning back to Edward.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I really am. But...we have to," she said to him quietly. Turning back to me she grinned slightly, raising her eyebrows,

"Are you up for a road trip, Bella?"

15. ROAD TRIP

The poignant notes of Claire De Lune mixed with the road noise... slightly soothing my seething temper...but not entirely. My new home was now miles behind us...where I wanted to be.

Some graduation day! I finally overcome a problem that has caused me and the one I love the most such pain. I find out that I won't have to worry about hurting my parents...unless I trip and fall on them. Everything seemed so miraculously wonderful...or was that 'too good to be true'? Because that's how it felt now. Alice's explanation only made it worse, because she refused to really fill us in.

"It's not my call, Bella. You have to understand that. Carlisle needs to talk with us all about something. Something very important. I know this is terrible timing. Of course it is...but honestly...you two have forever for your honeymoon! This is not the end of the world, you know!"

"But why? What is so important that we have to go back now?" I knew I was whining but she wasn't being clear. Edward stood glaring at Alice, too. He obviously had not fully known what she had been up to the whole time, which really surprised me.

"Carlisle said to let him explain it. And that's what I'm going to do." When she saw the mutinous looks on both of our faces, she relented a little.

"Okay. I'll tell you a bit more...on the way. No, Edward! I'm not going to go into it any more right now. You have...," and she looked away into the distance for a moment, "twenty-four hours...that's all I can give you." She smiled as we looked at her in confusion. "Make the most of it," she chirped and then, to our surprise, she turned and ran off into the wilderness away from the house. Within a second, she as out of sight.

We stood there staring after her for a while, letting her implication set in. Just twenty-four hours of our honeymoon left. I glanced at Edward and met his eyes. I'm sure my own mirrored the furious battle going on inside of him. We stared at each other for a long moment before he smiled a bit wryly and pulled me closer.

"So--do I call Carlisle and try to make some sense of this situation...or?" His voice held both frustration and passion and his eyes gleamed into mine.

"Or...?" I whispered back. I hated this situation just as much if not more so than Edward...but if we really were about to lose our privacy...I couldn't stand the idea of wasting even one precious second of it on whatever problem Alice was hiding from us. Edward apparently felt the same.

That last day of our honeymoon was like no other we had ever experienced together. The knowledge that we would be leaving our home...that thought lent a frantic charge to our pleasure. But there was nothing we could do about it so instead of worrying...we spent those last hours sharing all the love we had for each other, body and soul.

"I love this house," I whispered once while we were pausing briefly to just hold each other. I looked around our bedroom and thought of all that had happened here. The good and the bad. The moments of intense pain...and the times of exquisite pleasure. I knew that there was one room in the house that I would never really love...but that didn't change how I felt about our home. Edward's fingers lazily stroked my back, barely touching the edge of my skin causing me to shiver with delicate ripples of pleasure. He sighed and I looked up from where my head rested against his chest.

"I've loved this house from the moment we arrived. It was for you and I knew you loved it...that's all that really mattered to me, then. Now...," he paused, searching for the words that would express his thoughts. "Now...I don't know if I can explain it. I've always viewed as home wherever Carlisle and Esme were. They have been my...foundation for so long...My parents of choice, if not of birth. Carlisle's strength and virtues have been my guiding light. And Esme's love has been the home fire that kept me warm when I didn't even know how lonely I really was. But now...since you came into my life, Bella," he bent his head and kissed me lightly, staring into my eyes with such quiet sincerity that I stopped breathing, just listening to his wonderful words. "Now...you are my light and my warmth...my rock. My home...the home of my heart...will never be anywhere that you are not, Bella. My parents home...that's all it is to me now: their home. Not mine. You are my home. This is my home!" I would have been crying if I still could. As it was, a strange sob rose up within me as I reached up and covered his lips with my own, stopping those words that were setting fire to the facets of my soul.

How we were able to finally and reluctantly stop our adoration of each other, I'll never know. But we did and, as we moved about the house gathering the things we wanted to take back with us and getting rid of anything that we no longer needed, such as the food in the freezers and the torn remnants of sheets, I couldn't help but stare wistfully at every nook and cranny of my home. My wedding present. Edward pulled me back against his chest, kissing my ear.

"We'll come back, love. I promise you that. There is no way we are leaving this place for good. This is our home now. Nothing's going to change that." His softly spoken words held such determination...a fierce promise that strengthened me. I knew that the family would always need to spend a great deal of time together, and I had been and still was looking forward to reuniting with them at some point. But...I was glad that we had our own place to call home, too.

Everything was packed and put away in the Hummer when Alice suddenly sprang out of nowhere.

"All packed? Great! Give me a minute," and she disappeared back into the house. Minutes later she was packed and ready to go. We watched as she drove off down the bumpy drive. We were meeting up with her at the car rental agency where she had to turn in her Jeep.

Edward and I toured the house one last time before locking it up and walking hand in hand up the incline behind our home. Looking out over the glorious hills and crags bathed in the cold moonlight, I thought about how changing and unchanging this place was. The storms that had swept through every so often, the snow that had recently fallen...I had actually enjoyed playing in the snow with Edward...a first for me! And now, here we were again, looking out together over our little piece of home and heaven...just the same and yet...changed, too, from when we first arrived. After a long and silent goodbye, we headed back to the house and drove away.

The idea of a road trip was obvious. If we had to go home, I didn't really want to risk being on a normal passenger plane, yet. I knew that I had supposedly experienced every minute form of blood type out there...but how could I really be sure? We could have gotten a private plane again, but that would have meant that we would be back with everyone so much faster. Alice had already seen, I suppose, our reaction to that idea. So a road trip was the only option. The hummer was the obvious choice, too. It was the Cullen's vehicle...already decked out with highly darkened windows and apparently quite different inward working parts than the basic model. My new hearing registered the fact that there was a lot less noise coming from the engine than there normally would or should have been. I wondered if I would ever know, or want to know, all that some of my new family did about cars.

Listening now to the music of Debussy I thought back over all the battles I had won recently; all the pain and the promise of a more 'normal' future that pain and effort had finally achieved.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward frown slightly.

"What is it?"

"I don't know...," he glanced at me swiftly, still frowning. Slowly his expression shifted to a strangely rueful smile. "I need to talk with you about something while we're alone...I'm sure Alice intends to bring it up...but I'd rather tell you myself...," he trailed off. It was now my turn to frown.

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella...you surely have noticed that I haven't been able to ...to really know what Alice has been thinking lately, right?"

"She's been keeping you out of her thoughts pretty thoroughly, if that's what you mean."

"That's not quite what I was getting at..."

"I know she's done that before...singing to herself, translating things into odd languages. She must really not want you to see what she's thinking right now. I can't imagine why, though...and it worries me..." Edward was shaking his head as my voice trailed off.

"Bella...that's not it at all! She's not keeping me out of her thoughts..."

"Then...you knew we were going to have to leave? I don't understand." How could he have kept that from me--he'd seemed just as upset about it as I was when Alice told me. Was that just an act?

"Bella...will you listen to me?" his voice was clearly frustrated now and he rubbed his forehead briefly before glancing at me and back to the road.

"Alice has not been keeping me out of her thoughts and no...I did not know about having to leave. That's not what's been going on, at all." He paused looking at me again and grinning slightly, shaking his head. "This is harder than I thought it would be," he said, more to himself than me.

"At first, when Alice came to the house, I thought she was keeping things from me...and in a way she was trying to do just that. But she was doing too good of a job, Bella. Even she realized that. We both knew that I should have known more about what she was planning at every stage than I did. I shouldn't have had to ...to guess at things and try to convince her to let us do things like having that day off...I knew something was ...different. So did she. We never talked about it, I didn't really want to, honestly." He looked at me again, trying to gauge my reaction to what he was saying.

"Edward...I guess I'm being more than usually blind here...but I don't see what you're getting at."

He continued to stare at me for several moments before looking back at the road and grinning. He laughed softly, shaking his head again before looking back at me.

"It's you, Bella. I don't know how else to say this...but somehow, some way...you are keeping me from ... from hearing things easily." My frown intensified as I looked at him in bewilderment. What the heck was he talking about? I wasn't doing anything! I voiced this thought in the silliest way imaginable.

"I am not!"

Edward chuckled and lifted my hand to his lips.

"I know you aren't trying to do it, love. But it is happening, and you are doing it."

I sat still for several long moments just trying to find some way that he was wrong...had to be wrong. I knew that he couldn't hear my thoughts...that wasn't anything new. But the idea that somehow I was keeping him from hearing Alice? That seemed impossible. Almost against my will, though, my heightened ability to analyze my own thinking and situations seemed to click into high gear. I replayed every moment where Alice had somehow seemed to surprise Edward with some new facet of my desensitization routine or insisting on something that Edward hadn't seen coming. All the times I had seen him frown when we had been talking...they now took on a new meaning. Edward hadn't been upset about what she was thinking...he had been frustrated because he couldn't hear what she was thinking!

"How...when did you ...when did you figure this out?" I asked in a stunned daze. Edward looked long into my eyes before answering.

"Not for a while," he was quiet for a moment before continuing. "Like I said, at first I just thought that she was doing a really good job keeping me out and wondered why...what was she hiding?" I had thought the same thing. "But then...when it didn't stop...I started to wonder. Of course, I knew for sure the first time you blacked out while Alice was there."

"How could you know then?"

"Because, love, your mind...went away. Your brain was evidently so intent on protecting you from all that miserable pain that it couldn't do anything else. The moment you were...gone...I could hear Alice clearly. She was still doing her best not to think about something...now we know what...but all of her other thoughts became so clear...so sharp. The difference was obvious. Then, when you would wake up...it was so different." I was fascinated now...scared, but fascinated.

"Different? How?"

"It was as though there was some sort of static around me. Not audible, of course. But, Alice's thoughts became...muffled, veiled somehow. I could hear her...but very indistinctly. I had to really concentrate to hear her normal thoughts...the ones she had no problem with me hearing. It's been so strange, not hearing every thought that popped into her head...or only hearing it as a kind of...I don't know...background noise. That's the best way I can describe it." He fell silent for a moment and I thought about what he had said.

"Does it upset you? I didn't know I was doing it," I said in a small voice. I still hadn't really processed that I could do anything like what he was describing. I didn't feel like I was doing anything at all. Edward glanced sharply at me and squeezed my hand tightly.

"Bella...No! You're not upsetting me. Don't even think that!" He kissed my hand again and smiled tenderly into my worried eyes. Sighing, he returned his attention to the road.

"It's just...strange, that's all. A bit frustrating...I'll admit that. I imagine it's like when a person has an arm in a cast and can't seem to remember that they can't use that arm. But it's not as though I haven't dealt with this before--maybe not in the same way but...I've never been able to read your thoughts and that frustrated me to no end when we first met. Sometimes it still does," and he smiled a bit wickedly at me. "This is just...different. And sometimes...," he paused frowning again and moving his shoulders as though trying to shrug something away.

"What?"

"I don't know...Sometimes lately it seems...it seems like there's something I should be hearing but can't...like I'm forgetting something." An impossibility, I knew. "It's ... disconcerting. But I'm not upset with you. Just remember that, okay?" He looked sternly at me. I smiled a little, still processing all he had said. The car grew silent as we continued to mull over our conversation. Now that I was more aware of the situation, I could recall several times that I had seen that odd look on Edward's face and I wondered, now, what it was that I was somehow, unintentionally, keeping him from knowing.

We drove on, not talking about this latest hitch.

We reached the tiny town of Winkelman and turned onto 77, heading north. Edward wasn't driving nearly as fast as he usually did, most likely because he wanted to string out the time we had alone as long as possible. I knew that's how I felt.

Occasionally I saw him frown again and wondered what he was thinking and wishing I could do something about it. I didn't even know how I was doing what he said I was...so I had no way of knowing how to stop it. It was so frustrating! Edward noticed that I was getting upset and started talking about things that had happened in the previous months; the fun times, the silly accidents I had caused through my continuing lack of grace. I was getting better, I pointed out as he laughed.

"That last time was utterly and completely not my fault, and you know it. You shouldn't startle a girl like that when she's taking a shower." I glared playfully at him. This was actually the first time I had been able to really laugh about that incident. One of the downstairs bathrooms would be in serious need of repair before any future guests would be able to make use of it. Edward chuckled gleefully, remembering.

"But you are such fun to startle, my love," he murmured playfully. I looked away, embarrassed a little, recalling just how he had startled me and the events that had unfolded from his doing so. Edward's fingers softly tracing the side of my cheek brought my eyes back to his swiftly. His eyes were passion-filled and I only wished we weren't on a deadline to pick Alice up. Grinning, Edward pulled me against his side and we continued on our way to the town of Globe where Alice would be waiting.

Globe, Arizona was only a fraction bigger than Winkelman but it boasted an Enterprise Rent-a-Car. We pulled in and picked up a slightly impatient Alice.

"It's about time, you guys!" She glared a little reproachfully at Edward.

"I was working on obeying the speed limits, Alice," he said, smirking. I thought he was joking but saw his face and realized he was deadly serious. Oh--another problem I was causing.

"You don't think you'll be able to hear the police coming...because of me, right?" I asked, annoyed with myself. Alice looked a little surprised that I was talking about this so freely.

"You told her? Good..that's one thing out of the way, at least," she said cryptically. Edward glared in the rear view mirror for a moment before looking back at me.

"Don't worry about it, love. It's not that big of a deal. And now Alice can help out where I might not be able to, right, Alice?" I looked behind to see her smiling smugly.

"I have my uses!" She grinned.

I kept looking at her for a moment before voicing my thoughts.

"You said that was 'one thing out of the way'...so, let's have it, Alice." She looked a little surprised at my taking the lead in asking the questions and Edward grinned and squeezed my hand.

"That's right, Alice...no more secrets. And you can stop being so happy that I can't just see what you're thinking about. I can still hear a lot, you know." Alice rolled her eyes and sat back, crossing her legs Indian style on the seat.

"I said I'd tell you a bit more--and that's all I'm going to do. You'll have to wait until we get home to get the full story." She paused for a moment and Edward frowned again. I could see how frustrating it was for him to feel so blocked.

"Here's the basic situation. It looks as though something is up with Aro. We don't actually know what...at least...,"she stopped and we could tell that she didn't want to talk about that yet. Just the mention of Aro made my nerves feel brittle. Edward frowned even more intensely and stared at Alice in the rear view mirror for a long moment before exhaling sharply and clenching his jaw. Alice saw this and smiled wryly.

"For once I really am glad you're having such a problem reading me, Edward. Carlisle made me promise to do what I could to let him talk to you about this in person."

"Well, why couldn't he have called us or...come out to our house for this conversation? If it was so important...and I can see that it is!" Edward bit off these words sharply and Alice looked at him a long time before responding.

"Edward...I saw that we had the time and that ...that Bella needed that time. And so did you. Are you telling me you would have been happier with the entire family showing up at your door instead of just me?" Her expression clearly showed how unlikely that was. I agreed. Alice was a sweetheart and I loved her dearly...but it had been no picnic sharing my honeymoon with her, no matter how helpful she had been.

I looked up to see Edward's reaction and saw that, although he was still frowning, his was was more relaxed. Silence reigned in the car for a while.

"So...can you tell us anything more?" Edward asked, quietly. Alice shrugged and shook her head.

"Not really...I'm sorry. I promised. All you need to know is that we need to get home and we have some ...issues to deal with when we get there." She frowned suddenly, looking at her brother. I looked up to see Edward's face; that oddly frustrated look was back and Alice had obviously seen it.

"What's the deal, Edward? You keep getting that look and I know it's not about me."

"I don't know what it is, Alice. I keep thinking I'm...missing something." He glanced down at me as I gazed up at him sorrowfully and tried to smile. His arm tightened around me. "Don't worry about it, love. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually."

Alice frowned and looked away. Her gaze became soft and slightly blank as she leaned back and rested her head against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. I knew that look. She was searching through her visions for anything that might provide a clue for Edward. Shaking her head after a few minutes she frowned.

"I don't see anything useful...sorry." I glanced back at her, puzzled.

"What do you mean...useful?"

"I see lots of things, Bella. You know that. Some make sense...others don't. At least not immediately. Right now I can see so many things...options that we might be taking because of what Carlisle is contemplating...things like that. But, I also see...it's like flipping channels too quickly. I don't know what might be important later...not right now. Nothing seems to be pointing our way...that's something, right?" she grinned apologetically.

Edward frowned again for a moment and then, shaking his head as though getting rid of an annoying thought, he turned up the music and we all settled in for the trip ahead.

We tried to make the best of it. Musical selections became mock-fighting points and strange-to-me Cullen car trip games made me laugh hysterically at times. We drove insanely fast, especially at night, and made better time than was humanly possible. No bathroom breaks was a plus and, amazingly, only one stop to refuel. These Cullen's and their cars!

California came and went. Then we were through Oregon. Traveling through Washington felt strange. A different kind of homecoming. The green and wet of the state didn't really bother me anymore. It was where I had met Edward...so it would always be special.

And then we were heading into Forks and I couldn't help but shake my head as the memories and feelings flowed through me. Edward smiled down at me tenderly, squeezing my hand a little. I hadn't thought that I would be this moved to be coming back to this home after leaving my new one. But I now realized that Forks would always hold a special place in my 'heart'.

"Please, you guys!" Alice groaned, suddenly. We stared back at her and she glared at us, semi-playfully. "Come on! I've been good, haven't I? All those times I went off and left you alone...can you please just give it a rest?" She looked out the window and sighed. "I want Jasper," she mumbled grumpily. Poor Alice. I really hadn't thought about that. Having to hang out with us lovebirds couldn't have been much fun for her. I was ashamed to admit to myself that I hadn't really thought much about how long she had spent away from the one she loved most. She'd made such a sacrifice for us!

"Alice," I said softly after a few minutes. "I've never really told you...I'm so glad you came. I really am. I don't know how Edward and I could have gotten through all that without you!" I reached back and held her hand tightly. Alice smiled slightly at me. Edward looked back and smiled, too.

"You know I feel the same way. I'll admit that I wasn't that happy to see you when you first arrived. Okay, furious is more like it!" and he laughed briefly. "But you were a god-send, Alice, truly you were. I don't know what I would have done without you ...especially when...," he looked down at me and I knew he was thinking of all the times when I had laid there like some stone statue, dead to the world. Alice leaned back and smiled...a bit happier for the moment.

"Think nothing of it, guys. That's what family's for, right?" she winked at me and squeezed my hand back before letting it go.

Suddenly the drive to the Cullen's house, my second home, was before us. Pulling up to that beautiful white house peacefully surrounded by trees, the sound of the river flowing in the background...was a lovely welcome in itself. But almost immediately we were surrounded by our family, all smiling and excited to see us. Esme hugged me so hard, as did Carlisle. I finally got to hug Jasper...after all this time, too. He grinned quietly down at me.

"Welcome home, sister," he said before turning and enfolding Alice into an embrace that continued as the rest of us made our way into the house. No one suggested that they follow us. Alice and Jasper needed to have their own moment alone.

I knew that some issue that Alice wouldn't or couldn't talk to us about was looming inside for us to deal with...but for right now, and in spite of wishing for an eternity of time alone with Edward, I was honestly glad to be back with my new family.

16. UNEXPECTED

My Forks homecoming turned out to hold one series of surprises after another. One of the first occurred the moment I walked through the door to Edward's old room...now our room.

I'd always thought that it was a bit small...especially after the addition of the enormous bed Edward had bought almost a year ago. I was prepared for a weird sense of dejavu when I entered the room...I was not prepared for what awaited me there.

The first thing I noticed was that there was no bed. No bed? Why would someone have moved that? And the room was not in the same order it had been prior to the bed's invasion. Yes, the wall of CDs was there and the couch and stereo system. But there was also another couch, more of a love seat really, a chair, a couple of end tables and a coffee table...there were even lamps! It was like a mini living room. Even in my stunned state I had to acknowledge how cozy it looked. But, where was the bed? I seriously needed to know the whereabouts of that was one piece of furniture.

I looked up at Edward who was now grinning down at me again.

"It seems there's been some rearranging here...What do you think?" he asked.

"I don't know what to say, Edward..., it's lovely...but...what, why?" I didn't know where to start. Fortunately a little voice chimed in to clear things up.

"Well, I didn't get to work on your new home...so the least I could do was help fix up your old one... What do you think?" Alice was grinning up at us, looking for our reactions. Jasper was standing right behind her and the look on his face spoke volumes for how much he had missed little Alice.

I returned my attention to the room.

"I ... I like it, Alice. I really do. I am wondering though...," and I stopped because something about the room seemed strange. I walked into it and realized that the wall opposite the CDs was no longer one solid wall. There was now a large opening that stretched from the windows into the room for about five feet. The opening appeared to lead into another room. I looked up to see Edward grinning at a very smug Alice.

"What did you guys do?" I asked. Esme walked into the room at this point. She was clearly torn between the idea of giving Edward and I a little privacy and sharing in the revealing of the room that she had to have had a hand in.

"We just thought, Alice and I, that you two might like a place to...retreat to every once in a while. And this room was a little small for two people... So we knocked out the wall to the store room behind it and...well...go and see!" Esme was obviously excited to see our reaction. She hadn't had the chance to see whether or not we liked the Arizona house.

I took Edward's hand and we walked around the newly constructed corner in the room and into our brand new bedroom. The bed was the only thing I recognized. There was a door that led into the bathroom, as did the one in the new sitting room. I saw two other doors that led into closets. One whole wall was simply windows, just like the other room. But that wasn't what really struck me.

The entire feel of it reminded me of the Arizona house. Warm earth tones reigned from the bed covers, to the carpets and curtains and paintings on the walls. The overall effect was...comfort and privacy and I couldn't believe that my dear family had been so thoughtful as to do this for us.

Edward squeezed my hand and I looked up to see his eyes filled with such love and appreciation. He smiled at me before turning to his mother and sister.

"We can't thank you two enough. Esme, we wanted to tell you how much...how very much we love the house! You went beyond anything I could have imagined and gave Bella and I a home. We can never thank you enough." He paused and I continued.

"And now you give us this! You and Alice both...I can't tell you what it means to have this little space apart to come to ...for some alone time. You've both been more than thoughtful." My voice cracked as I stared with such love at these two wonderful women. Esme walked over quickly and hugged me and then Edward so hard. Alice grinned and winked at us before allowing herself to be pulled out of the room by an impatient Jasper.

Esme put an arm around my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "You should know...Rosalie helped, too. Quite a bit...to be honest. I just thought you should...be aware of that." With that food for thought, she gave me one last hug before leaving us alone in our new suite.

One thing I had been worried about in coming here was the idea of giving up our privacy. That was an obvious concern, what with living in a house with three other couples. I should have realized that Esme would have thought about that, too. Looking around I saw that we now had our own place here. A place where we could get away from the rest of the family and just relax and be together. The girls had been more than thoughtful. Looking around, I just hoped we could find a way to thank them.

Edward helped me put all of our stuff away in seconds and had his arms around me even faster.

"That drive was too long, love," he murmured huskily in my ear. I gasped as his lips trailed down my cheek, over my jawline and down my throat. I felt as though I was melting and he quickly picked me up and deposited me on our bed. I couldn't help but moan softly as his hands began their gentle exploration. It was as though he needed to reacquaint himself with every inch of me and I felt the same way about him.

Being with Edward here...it seemed completely unreal. Wonderful...but still...unreal. I couldn't help but think of the first time we had been in this bed. How much I had wanted to be with him, to show him how much he meant to me...in all ways. Holding him now...showing him all that was in my heart...nothing could compare with moments like these.

I was thankful that no one had said when we needed to come back downstairs and I was a little nervous about ... about having just come back from our honeymoon and there being a house full of people knowing full well why we hadn't come right back downstairs. This was not something I had really factored into our return to Forks.

Fortunately, Carlisle met us before we made it to the stairs.

He and Edward had spoken briefly when we'd first arrived and I knew that Edward was still a little upset with all of the secrecy.

"Edward, Bella," he began quietly. "I need to speak with you both." My relaxed state took a hit with those words. Did this mean that whatever trouble Alice had been keeping from us had to be dealt with now?

"I know you're upset about my having Alice promise to let me fill you in," he continued. "But I honestly only meant it as a...gift for you two." My frown was a mirror of Edward's. "Just hear me out, please. You two were, first of all, on your honeymoon. That alone would have made me pause before laying any information upon you that would detract from your joy, your time together. But, beyond that, there was Bella's change, then her issue with blood. Edward...I could not imagine what you and Bella must have been going through. All I did know was that I had no right to add to your problems. Especially when there was time. And Alice assured me that there was time. Time for Bella to achieve all that she has. And time for the two of you to have some semblance of a real honeymoon." His words were so sincere, so logical...I glanced up at Edward to see his reaction.

I had been annoyed at not being told. But I knew that it went a bit deeper than that with Edward. This man was not just a father to him. They had been friends, confidants, for years...alone...when there were no other Cullen's. They had a bond that went beyond most of the others...perhaps not Esme...but even her relationship with Edward was not, could not be the same. Knowing that, I found it hard to believe that Edward would hold a grudge for long against his mentor.

"Carlisle...I do understand. I do. I can't help but wish that...circumstances could have been different... that you wouldn't have felt the need to ...to keep things from me," he looked down at me for a second before shrugging slightly and looking back at his father. "But I do understand. And...I am grateful. We both are...for the time we had without any further pressure on us." I smiled up at this wonderful man as he said those words and then met Carlisle's eyes and nodded. Carlisle's eyes closed for a moment and I realized suddenly that it had actually pained him to think that Edward was angry with him. Despite being the elder by hundreds of years...Carlisle was still just a father and a friend. In that moment...and for the very first time...I saw him not as the leader of a coven...but simply as a very good and decent man.

And the surprises just kept coming.

Carlisle gestured for us to follow him into his study and we sat down to finally hear what the big issue was that was so important. However, we were destined to wait a little while longer. The door opened abruptly and Rosalie walked in.

"Carlisle, I'm afraid your news will have to be on hold for the moment. Seth was just here," she stated swiftly. Her eyes darted to mine and I was shocked to see a timid smile flicker across her face before her eyes shifted and she looked back at Carlisle.

"Seth's here?" Edward asked.

"Seth was here...he's gone now."

"Why was he here to start with?" Edward was puzzled and so was I. Rosalie rolled her eyes, but smiled wryly, shaking her head.

"After you left, Edward...I guess he missed you or something. The fool pup kept showing up here and asking if they'd heard from you...keeping us a little informed on what was going on at the reservation," her eyes shifted to mine and away in a blink. "Mainly I think he was bored. All the other dogs have apparently found their...mates, imprints...or whatever, and ...Jacob is still gone. Seth's sister is apparently not too happy about his friendship with us 'evil vampires'... so, he had no one to hang out with." I waited to feel something...pain?... at the mention of Jake...and was intensely grateful to feel only deep concern.

"That doesn't explain much, Rosalie." Edward was frowning as he tried to understand what she was saying while not being able to simple read her thoughts. A very new experience for him.

"He and Emmett...apparently, they hit it off. " She shrugged and shook her head again. I could tell that she was annoyed by it but at the same time found it somewhat amusing. "They've been wrestling, hunting, playing video games...you name it. It's like he's Emmett's new little brother." She was trying hard to put disgust in her voice but failed miserably. She obviously found the situation funny and I would also bet that since it was making Emmett happy...then she would be okay with it. Being a wife does change a girl.

Carlisle nodded but was frowning.

"He left? Why?"

"That's the thing. He came in, realized that Edward and Bella were back...and he took off."

"He had probably been told to let the others know when we returned." Edward did not look happy...and neither did Carlisle.

"Why, that little rat! So ...what? He was just ...humoring Emmett until he could turn you two in? He's a mole for the wolves now?" Rosalie angry was an amazing and frightening sight. Carlisle interrupted her explosion.

"No--that's not what I think at all. I think he probably was having just as much fun as Emmett. But that wouldn't matter if Sam had given an order that Seth had to obey." Carlisle's calm voice cut through the building tension...but didn't erase it.

Great...now what?

"Do you think they'll be coming here?" I asked in a small voice. I hated that once again my presence in their lives was causing such issues.

"They'll be here soon," Alice answered from the doorway.

"How do you know, Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Because in about thirty minutes everything in our future goes black. That's how." Great, great, great!

"Where are Jasper and Emmett?" he asked.

"Waiting out front."

"Edward...I think it might be a good idea if we all went down to meet them. Cordially. We don't really know what might be the purpose of this visit. Let's assume it's no more than...a greeting."

"You know it's more than that, Carlisle!"

"Yes, Edward...but we've been through a lot with the wolves. That ... changes things. Or, at least it can. Take Seth for instance. Who would have imagined his friendly feelings for our family?"

That was true.

Walking back downstairs, I couldn't help but examine the change I felt within me. I knew that I would always deeply regret how miserably I had handled things with Jacob. And I also couldn't help but miss him….my Jacob, the one who had been such a good friend; an anchor during my darkest days. But things were different, now.

I had told Edward that I still remembered everything from my old life and I hadn't lied. The memories were all there, just as bright as ever….but something had changed. The feelings that went with some of those memories…they had definitely altered. Especially any that had to do with who I loved.

Edward had told me once that when a vampire truly loves someone, that feeling is written in stone…unchangeable. I had accepted that, of course…but I still believed that the way I had felt about my old friend would still hurt. That no matter how much I loved, and honored the love I had for Edward…there would still always be this tiny wounded part of my soul that would long for Jacob. How much I had underestimated the strength of my transformation. I could remember loving Jacob…that was there. But it was as though I was remembering something from someone else's life. It did not affect me. Realizing that was at one and the same time comforting and confusing.

I noticed that Edward was staring at me as we walked. His expression was concerned…but at the same time, not at all really worried. We knew each other so well now. I knew that he trusted me as I trusted him. We had been through so much together recently. Too much to ever wonder where each others loyalties lay. We were one. One person, one soul. I smiled tenderly up and him, reaching up a hand to smooth his slight frown away. He smiled and caught my hand, kissing my fingers, his eyes burning into mine with such love and pride.

As he released my hand, I glanced behind me. It was a mistake. I missed the next step and hit the rail, crushing it. A roar of laughter from below greeted my latest example of gracelessness.

"Bella…you're the best!" Emmett laughed. I was, obviously, not laughing. Edward picked me up and I looked over at Esme who had appeared quickly at all the noise. She was staring at the debris with a rueful smile on her face.

"Esme, I'm so sorry!" I began. I hated revealing to my new family how clumsy I still was.

"Think nothing of it, dear. And Emmett….you are definitely not one to talk…or laugh. Have you forgotten the house in Vermont? I haven't." She looked sternly at him and he, surprisingly grimaced and stopped laughing. I wondered what damage he's inflicted upon that house while he was adapting to all this new strength. It cheered me up considerably to think that I could always ask him about it the next time my lack of grace amused him.

Edward and I worked to clear the stairs of the pieces of the rail while Esme and Alice discussed the idea of completely redoing it in a slightly more modern style. My little accident had relieved some of our tension at the coming meeting…that was one good thing, I guessed.

I was also glad that my eyes weren't completely red anymore. More of a cross between orange and brown. All of our experimenting had taken it's toll...along with the excessive amount of animal blood I had consumed prior to each new test. Hopefully that would help with first impressions and all. I suddenly thought of something.

"Edward! I never worked with...with their blood!" I was shocked that I hadn't thought of that before. Edward seemed to be stunned as well.

"Bella...there's nothing we can do, now. I'm so sorry!" He looked around frantically and Carlisle was suddenly at his side. "We didn't desensitize her to the Wolves' blood, Carlisle. I have no idea how she'll react!" He was clearly very upset, and so was I. My nerves which I had finally managed to calm down, went into overdrive.

Carlisle stared at me for a moment before answering.

"Bella...I think you'll just have to try not to breathe...that's the best we can do for you right now. They have to see you. See that you are alive and well...at least by our standards. I hope you will be able to have some conversation with Sam...it will help our situation greatly if you can." I nodded. This would have to happen now, right? I took an enormous breath to see how much air I could hold at once. Hopefully I could hold enough so that I wouldn't have to try inhaling for a while...it all depended on how long they stayed and how much conversation they were going to require of me. My only hope was that if I did have to breath, their smell wouldn't make me pass out. I didn't think I could handle that right now.

Emmett had joined Jasper outside and now came back in.

"They're almost here. It seems like there's only two of them."

"That's a good sign," Carlisle answered. I didn't see that. It would only take one to declare war, right?

Jasper came in and joined Alice and Esme by the stairs. Emmett and Rosalie were now at the window facing the front yard. Edward, Carlisle and I stood near the piano. I took a deep breath seconds before Sam and Seth walked in.

ooooooooooo

It was strange looking back on that momentous conversation. Sam had been more at ease with the Cullen's than I could have ever dreamed. Not on the same level as Seth, of course, but still...it was so wonderful seeing that the Wolves could, slowly, begin to relax their rigid stance where we were concerned. It probably helped that Sam could see that I was in many ways just the same as always.

I could tell that he'd found it amusing that I was still working on becoming more graceful. The stair rail had been gleefully pointed out by Emmett who was now busy acting a lot younger than his actual age with Seth. The poor boy had apologized to both Edward and Emmett several times and we'd been told that Sam had indeed ordered him to let him know if he ever found out that Edward and I had returned.

My situation had been fully explained, as well. Sam reassured us that the main reason he'd come had not been to pass judgment on my voluntary transformation.

"I know that I'm not in the majority when it comes to this issue but I do, thankfully, have to strongest say. I can't pretend that I agree with what you've done, Bella," he'd said. His eyes seemed to be seeing more in my new face than I did but it didn't seem to either please or upset him. "However, you made this choice and I accept that. I also know that had this not been your choice...you would not have been changed. Despite what you've told me of this Demetri person, I know that you would never have been put in that position had you not already made up your mind that this was what you wanted." His voice was shaded with disbelief that anyone could possibly want to make such a choice but he also clearly believed that I had apparently done just that.

"I will admit that I'm grateful that I can convey to the elders that you, Edward, were not the one to actually began Bella's change. I think that might go a long way to smooth things over. The fact that Bella isn't like those other ...newborns...that will be a plus, too." He turned to Carlisle again. "We've been through too much to let this come between us." He paused for a moment. "I'm here to purpose a new and more flexible treaty...one that I hope you will consider, Carlisle."

The respect and tolerance Sam was showing Carlisle really touched me and I could see that it was having an affect on the entire family. So, he and Carlisle went upstairs to the study...amazingly alone...and the rest of us tried to find something to do while we burned with curiosity as to what was going on between those two. Edward was, of course, frustrated that he couldn't eavesdrop the way he had in the past. But Carlisle had insisted that he and Sam talk privately. The leader of the wolves had demonstrated enormous trust in agreeing to talk with Carlisle alone. He didn't want anything to upset that.

I grinned, watching Seth and Emmett rough-house. Edward had previously been Seth's favorite Cullen due to the fact that they had fought in battle together. I guess it was a guy thing. But it was great to see the proof that the Wolves could overcome their aversion to vampires...given enough incentive.

Edward seemed pleased that Emmett had someone to pal around with besides Jasper and himself. I looked over at Alice and Jasper sitting on the front porch steps. They were so sweet with each other. Looking back I was surprised that Jasper had been okay with Alice leaving him for so long. He seemed to need her as much as Edward and I needed each other.

Edward was playing with my hair as we sat at his piano. I was pretending to play...just messing around with the keys while he grinned at my cautious efforts to not break the piano. He suddenly went still and I looked up to see him frowning...staring away into the distance.

"What the...," and he was up and gone in a second. I watched in complete confusion as he raced away from the house. Jasper, Emmett and Seth ran outside and stood watching in the direction Edward had fled...all with puzzled looks on their faces. Carlisle and Sam came down the stairs. They had obviously heard Edward leave and were curious as to why. What was going on?

Jasper and Emmett, followed closely by Seth, suddenly raced in the direction where Edward had disappeared. By this time we were all looking at Alice...even Sam.

"I can't see anything. I'm sorry...but as long as the wolves are here...it's a blank."

Movement in the trees heralded Edward and the others return. And they were not alone. Edward seemed to be carrying a young woman. Human!

"What on earth...," Esme spoke for us all.

Within moments, they had all filed into the house and we watched in stunned silence as Edward let the girl down and she stood there looking around at all of us. She was clearly scared to death but she also seemed ticked off. Good for her, I thought! And then it hit me how utterly terrible this situation was. What on earth was she doing here? Who was she...why had she come here? Why had Edward brought her here to begin with? These thoughts were interrupted by Alice. Her tone and what she said was so surprising that I almost forgot how serious the situation really was.

"So there you are! I've been wondering when we'd finally see you!" And she smiled as though a fun and unexpected puzzle had finally been solved.

Meanwhile the rest of us were in the dark along with one seriously unwelcome visitor.

17. TANGLED

Feeling the force of take-off pushing me back in my seat, I sighed deeply. Just thinking about what a mess we were leaving behind and what we were traveling toward had me tied in knots. Edward's finger's were stroking up and down my neck, soothingly. I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder. Sometimes, in little moments like this, it was hard for me to remember that he had ever felt hard and cold to my touch.

"Just think," he said, "We have about ten hours before the next round begins." he smiled down at me and kissed my forehead. Across the row, Alice and Jasper were similarly occupied. He had his chin resting on the top of her head and she was holding him so tightly. I smiled and looked back at Edward. He had noticed what had caught my eye.

"When all of this is over....we're going to have to do something for those two. It's only fair." I looked over at Alice again and this time she opened her eyes to grin at me. I wonder what she saw us doing for them? A holiday somewhere private? A vacation someplace? Hopefully we would have all the time in the world to find out.

For now my thoughts were pretty evenly divided between the craziness we left behind and the insanity that lay ahead.

Who in the world would have thought that someone could possibly have seen us while we were in Arizona? After all the trouble the Cullen's had gone to...that Edward had gone through...in order to find just the right spot. That house was so secluded. And yet....one human girl had managed to find us. The shock we had all experienced when Alice admitted that she had seen the girl several times in her visions but hadn't known who she was or when and where she would appear...I don't know how we got past that alone. Then for Edward to finally realize that it was this girl's thoughts that had been dogging him...unsuccessfully, thanks to my screwy wiring.

It had taken what felt like forever for everything to calm down and some sense to be made of it all. I was being optimistic because it was still a tangled mess and none of us clearly saw our way out of it yet.

And the whole thing just kept getting worse and worse. While this girl just sat there, terrified, Edward had told us all that she was in FBI training...an intern. Her whole family was connected to the FBI, it seemed. How wonderful! Out hiking in the Arizona wilderness she sees what? Why...me! Running for my life away from what had to be the last of the AB- blood samples. And not only did she see us running at speeds faster than a human could possibly achieve...but it gets even better. When she saw us it was a nice, bright, sunny day!

FBI agent sees glittering humans and/or humanoid person running at speeds only attainable in a sci-fi flick. Perfection.

And I knew that there was no way I could possibly have caused that or changed that...but it didn't stop me from feeling waves of guilt. That poor girl. To see what she had seen, and be who she was, then to have the curiosity and bravery (insanity really) to follow us all the way back to Forks....a trick in itself at the speeds we were traveling...and then to get caught! I couldn't imagine what she had felt when Edward swooped in and dragged her back to the house.

We had tried at first to get her to tell us who she was but finally Edward had to do the honors. I'm sure that only scared her further. I know it scared me. Telling us her secrets like that..out loud...it was only further confirmation to me and the rest of the Cullen's that there was no way she would ever be allowed to go back to her old life. What was going to happen to her now?

And the wolves. Just when everything seemed so set for some new treaty ...this had to happen. In fairness, though, it did seem to be helping...so far...instead of hurting. Sam had been just as upset that someone had found out about us as we were. Not that the girl, Lori, actually knew that we were vampires. Edward assured us that that was not what she'd been thinking at all.

I recalled him telling me that whenever different agencies such as the FBI had found out anything about us...they tended to put us in the UFO pile. Unexplained phenomenon....like the 'X-Files'. We definitely didn't 'appear' to be the undead, that's one relief. But only a small one because she had seen too much to simply let her walk away.

There was no way we could allow that. And what's more, there was no way that Sam could, either. He was bound by the treaty to not reveal our secret. And that included, apparently, allowing anyone to their knowledge to do so, even if it wasn't a tribal member or a wolf.

It had been a relief to see that Sam wasn't against us...at least as far as that was concerned. There had been a tense moment when Rosalie and Emmett...always practical...had brought up the fact that according to the Volturi, she either had to join us or die. I was surprised at my lack of shock at their callous comment. Still...it took me a minute to realize that they were merely voicing the worry we'd all been experiencing from the moment Edward and the others had brought her to the house. She could not leave...but she couldn't stay either.

In the middle of all that Carlisle had finally taken Sam, Edward, and me aside and explained to us about the Volturi issue. I'd been surprised that he'd included Sam in that conversation until I realized that he wanted to appear open and honest to this man who had finally opened up a true hand of friendship towards this family.

Alice had brought the only, debatable, ray of sunshine into the fray when she suddenly exclaimed that she could no longer see what would happen to the...Lori. Everything to do with her had suddenly gone dark. With Sam and Seth being there I thought that had to be obvious. Then I realized that what she meant was that Lori's future had still been in flux in her mind...until that moment. We all looked at Sam and saw the determined expression on his face.

"I know the choice that Bella made and I respect that...but I can't and won't allow that to happen against someones will, Carlisle...and I know that you don't want that either," he paused for a moment and glanced at Lori. Looking back at Carlisle, he continued. "You've just told me that your family has some pressing issues to deal with. I've told you that I am in favor of a more friendly and flexible treaty." He paused again. "In the spirit of good faith, then, I propose that the girl be turned over to me and mine for the duration of your time away. In the meantime...perhaps a solution will present itself." He shrugged and looked questioningly at Carlisle.

We were of course all stunned...even Alice a little. From what Carlisle had just told us...we really didn't have time to deal with this crisis with another looming so close. If the Wolves were willing, and I knew they were able, to care for her while we were away... that spoke volumes for the friendly future I knew both Carlisle and Sam wanted.

Trying to explain any of that to Lori had been a completely different matter. She seemed so scared but at the same time so determined. I could tell that she had no idea what she had gotten herself into...but still, she seemed so focused, so watchful. Once it had been explained to her that she would be going with Sam and Seth, I could sense her relief and, oddly enough, disappointment. I guess she felt that since she had come all that way and finally, reluctantly had been forced to confront us...it was like she was being cheated. Of course we couldn't come right out and tell her that she had few choices in the matter. She seemed pretty intelligent, though. I had a feeling that she knew, somehow, that this was a very dangerous situation.

I found myself wondering what she was like, as a person. Would I ever get the chance to know her? I hoped so...I would love to hear her whole story. Edward had managed to collect a bit of information from her thoughts but, what with the mental static I seemed to be generating and her own very focused mind, he hadn't been able to get much. Just the facts...and those had been hard enough to deal with.

I wondered how long it would take her to open up. I felt sorry for her, of course. She was practically a prisoner now. We couldn't let her go and we also couldn't just kill her. The thought of having anything to do with such a thing made me cringe.

If Sam took her to his house, then she would have Emily for company. That was a comforting thought. I couldn't imagine a more soothing person to confide in..other than maybe Esme. What would she think about Emily's face, though? What explanation would she be given? The truth or some other tale? How would the others feel about her being there? Sam had taken on a lot when he made the choice to become her guardian. I only hoped this didn't cause even more problems for him as he continued to push for better relations with us.

At least the Cullen's knew, we knew that, after all this time, we finally had an ally among the wolves...and one that had no other motives than good will and progress.

Sitting there in the plane, watching Edward play with my fingers, listening absently as Alice and Jasper quietly talked with one another, Emmett teasing Rosalie about something while Esme asked Carlisle questions about Sam and the Lori situation....I found myself wondering about Renee and Charlie. My other family.

Over the past few months I had tried to keep as much in contact with them as possible. We had talked for a long time during the winter holidays. Both had wanted me and Edward to come visit, but we had ample, if fraudulent, excuses. We were busy with school; I'd caught the flu; Edward was working on a project that couldn't be left....we had many to choose from. Renee was easier to deal with, oddly enough, than Charlie. He had seemed so lonely. Renee had Phil...so her situation wasn't the same.

My relationship with my mother would never be what it had been. I knew that now. I had really known it for the past few years...ever since I'd had to leave her and come to Forks in the first place. She had Phil in her life now. I wasn't the one she wanted and needed to confide in, be with, share her time with. That needed to be Phil. That was why I had left...to do the right thing for both of them...whatever my personal feelings were. That didn't stop me from occasionally, even now, missing the deeper relationship we had shared for so many years.

On the other hand, Charlie and I were closer than ever. Well...in a sense we were. I felt so much more connected to him than I had ever thought I could be. I had always loved him, of course...but it had been more of a duty sort of love. I mean...it's hard to love someone with any real depth when you never even see them. And the fact that neither of us was all that into sharing...that just made it that much easier to drift apart...or never really connect in the first place.

With all that has happened since I moved in with him...I now felt that I understood him a whole lot better. I felt bad that he couldn't possibly return that sentiment. Not really. I was sure that he was more attached to me than in the past and that was something. But the fact remained that I could never share the biggest news of my life with him. I could never really open up to him about who I was and what my life was now going to be. And those are the things parents live for!

At least he knew...and I would do my best to always make sure that he knew....how happy I was with my choice of who I married. I could give him that, thankfully.

Some slight turbulence shook me from my thoughts and I looked around the cabin. This was the same plane we had used to fly to Arizona for our honeymoon. It was so small compared with normal passenger planes...but at the same time, it was roomy. There were only a small number of seats besides this couch Edward and I had claimed. Alice could have sat in her own seat, of course, but she seemed to prefer Jasper's lap. She was so small compared to him...or anybody else, really.

The door to the cockpit was closed but I had met the pilot and navigator. They were the same men who had had flown us before. I guess that Carlisle requested them. Fortunately we didn't have to deal with a flight attendant. It was weird enough dealing with the two humans flying the plane. The space was too small to have some person just hanging out with us all the way to Rome. I don't think Jasper would have cared for that either.

I'd talked with him a bit after Lori and the wolves had left. We were oddly in a similar boat, I felt. Neither of us could stand the smell of blood...but for different reasons. He was afraid he would do something terrible if exposed to it...and so was I. The actions we would take would be different...but both would be equally exposing.

I'd also found a few minutes to thank Rosalie for her help with our rooms. It would be awhile before the two of us really warmed up to one another, but I honestly appreciated the fact that she seemed to truly be trying...finally. It made it easier for me to do the same. We'd even managed to joke a little about Emmett and the whole Vermont house fiasco. I now had a lot more dirt on my big brother, thanks to his wife.

"What are you thinking about, love?" Edward murmured in my ear.

"A lot of things. It's strange to be flying to Italy with you this way. I can't help thinking a little about...you know....what we were going through the last time Italy was involved." Edward hugged me tightly and pulled me around so that the back of my head was resting against his chest. "Mostly I was trying to shake off all the craziness we've left back at home."

"Don't worry too much about that, Bella. One way or another, we will work that out."

"I just feel sorry for her...her life is.....," I didn't want to say 'over' but that's what I felt in my heart.

"I know....I know," he sighed. "I keep thinking...if only she hadn't chosen to hike in those particular hills. Why then? Why there? But I know we'll find a way to make things as good as they can be. Sam seems determined to find a way out of this mess, too. And for once I really feel that we can trust the wolves. Here's to hoping, anyway." He paused for a moment.

"Was that the only thing occupying your mind?"

"No...I was thinking about family and how much has changed since we left for Arizona. It's good to see everyone. I didn't think I would feel this happy about being back with your family."

"This is your family, too, Bella," he said softly.

"I know," I replied and leaned up to kiss his chin. He chuckled and pulled me a bit closer. "So...what have you been thinking about?" I asked him.

"The meeting we're supposed to have with Aro." I grimaced and buried my head in his chest. I felt Edward's fingers in my hair, soothing down my neck. "Don't worry so much, love. Carlisle knows what he's doing. And we really do need to make contact with him before we have to confront any of the others....especially since Aro doesn't seem to know who to trust in all this." I shook my head thinking about it.

"How could someone be plotting against him and he be so ...in the dark about it? This doesn't sound like the Aro I met."

"It is a bit confusing, I agree. However, that does seem to be the case. From what he told Carlisle, it appears that Caius has been pushing more and more against him. But at the same time Aro also feels that it's not really Caius that's the problem. I don't know," he sighed again, this time in frustration. "Carlisle wasn't told enough for us to speculate successfully. We need more information....and that's the real reason for this meeting. We need to know what else has happened and what, if anything Aro hopes we can do."

"That's the craziest part in all this. Why does Aro think we can help? Why would he even want us here at all? Wasn't the fact that I was allowed to live a big part of the whole controversy that caused this problem?"

"I don't think that's the point of Aro asking for us to come. Carlisle seems to think that it's more about him coming. Carlisle hasn't visited the Volturi in centuries. He's kept in some contact with Aro, apparently, but that's not the same as an actual visit. Don't forget, Carlisle was one of them for a long time and I think that Aro still views him that way...despite any issues he may still have with him leaving or with wishing that he could have Carlisle's children in his guard."

"So...what? You think that Aro wants Carlisle and the rest of us there for...moral support?" Edward grinned at my sarcastic remark.

"Perhaps....but Carlisle seems to be one of the keys to understanding why this is happening...and why it's happening now, after all this time."

I sighed and shook my head. This was a fairly pointless conversation, really. Until we landed and actually talked with Aro face to face, there was nothing more to think about.

Suddenly it hit me that I didn't want to spend the entire trip worrying about what might happen. After everything we'd been through lately, I was sick of worrying all the time about every crazy thing that kept popping into our lives. Sometimes it's better to find those moments in between...the ones that aren't vitally important, and yet mean so much in the long run. I thought about one of those moments...something that Edward had asked me to do when I finally joined him in this life.

"Do you think Emmett might like to arm wrestle, Edward?" I whispered in his ear as softly as possible. His laughter vibrated through me and he held me even tighter.

"Probably! But I'm not sure the plane could handle it," he grinned. Emmett suddenly laughed out loud and I realized he'd heard my whispered conversation.

"Spoil-sport! Anytime, anywhere, Bella m'dear!"

"Not in the plane!" Esme sternly responded, sparking off an argument in which Emmett promised not to hurt the plane in any way and Esme began listing off the times she'd heard similar promises pass his lips and all the wreckage they'd had to deal with afterwards.

By this time I was laughing so hard I would have been crying.

So....with Lori behind us and Aro up ahead....we made our way through the cloudless sky....and the moments in between.

18. MOMENTS

I loved listening to Edward speak Italian even if I didn't know precisely what he was saying. At the moment he was evidently letting the gondolier know where he wanted to go because the man smiled, nodded then pushed our little boat away from the stone jetty and out into the dimly lit waters.

It was twilight in Venice and I could never have imagined that I would be floating past ancient palaces and under famous bridges while sitting in Edward's arms .

As the buildings and people drifted past, Edward told me about the times he and his family had come here in the past. Because it was in such close proximity to Volterra, Carlisle had not previously thought seriously of actually owning a house here, but had vacationed here quite frequently.

"Why wouldn't he want to be near the Volturi? I know that he left them because he didn't enjoy being around the death of so many humans...but didn't he...I mean wasn't he friends with them?"

"He was...and is, to a degree. But he didn't want to give the impression that he approved of their lifestyle or make things difficult for those of us in the family that weren't quite so....controlled....as he is." I thought about that.

"Makes sense, I guess." I snuggled back in his arms.

We were traveling along the Grand Canal and it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Gazing up at the building with eyes that could see so much more than most, I could perceive how time had affected this watery metropolis. Despite that...it was easy to ignore the imperfections and see only the beauty and history that rose up on either side of us as we were propelled gently along the water.

I had heard that it was customary for the gondolier to sing out the names of the many places of interest along the route, but in my case I had no need of his services with Edward softly pointing different places out to me...telling me about the history of various palaces, churches and bridges...about odd events and silly moments he had himself experienced in this city.

I knew that prior to joining Edward as one of his kind, I would have felt dazed with the names and histories of the multitude of sites we were passing, but as it was I just seemed to be soaking it all in....reveling in the fact that I was here...here with Edward.

The gondola itself was proving to be a unique joy. It was virtually impossible to sit upright in the seating provided. Being required to sit back in the circle of Edward's arms was one more thing I was sure I would love remembering about this place.

"Look to your left, Bella." I did and, once I looked up quite a ways, saw a beautiful palace on the water. It was old and many storied.

"That's the Palazzo Mocenigo. Lord Byron once lived there, did you know that?" He murmured in my ear. I looked at him briefly before returning to gaze upon the structure above me.

"I had heard about it once...I think. Didn't Esme mention looking at it while we're here?"

"Yes---she's thinking about purchasing it."

"Really?" I knew that Esme had a passion for houses...this seemed a bit much though.

"She and Carlisle stayed there many years ago with friends of his and she's always loved it. Unfortunately it is being considered for ...re-zoning. They're planning to turn it into several large apartments and Esme is quite upset about that. She wants to preserve the history of the house...improve it, yes. But not substantially change it."

"That's wonderful! If she does that...then maybe we can spend more than just a few days here next time?" I grinned up at him and he leaned forward to kiss me softly...and then not so softly. I sighed and leaned back in his arms, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Bella...we can go anywhere you want...any time. Forever...remember?" He whispered, holding me tightly.

"Forever," I whispered in reply.

After that we were quiet for some time, just enjoying the moment.

The entire situation of our having this precious time alone was a gift that we were not going to waste. Carlisle had apparently contacted Aro in some way and had arranged for a meeting soon...but we didn't know precisely when. We were under instructions to have a good time, see the sights...for all intents and purposes, we were on vacation in Italy. Even Carlisle's coworkers at the hospital had been told this story.

Emmett and Rosalie had taken the opportunity to go skiing in the Alps where they owned a small (for them) chalet and would be back in a couple of days. Alice had gone shopping with Esme this evening and Carlisle had stayed with Jasper. He was a little uncomfortable being around so many humans all piled up on top of each other here in the highly populated city, but Alice had confidence in him and didn't want to hover. She also wanted to shop--having been deprived for so long while babysitting me in Arizona all those months.

We were all staying in a very modern house that faced out onto the entrance of the Grand Canal. Although it was modern in a city full of ancient buildings, it was still very comfortable. It reminded me a little of the Cullen's house in Forks. Very clean, very white. It's view was spectacular during the day and had the added feature of not facing any other house, villa, bridge or...anywhere. It faced only water. The logic was simple. This way we could enjoy the view without becoming the view.

"Is this one of your favorite places?" I asked Edward after a while. He was playing with my fingers, sliding his own through mine and up my wrist, over and over. It was mesmerizing. So was his voice when he quietly answered me.

"I suppose so. It's so full of history. It's as though the city is in layers....The more modern areas peel back to reveal older and more ancient edifices. Knowing that so many people have lived here...so many events have taken place here. Venice is so old and yet so....alive! In a way it reminds me of...what we are. The city changes and yet...never changes. It exists in a world which is constantly in motion...yet it survives, it stands." He fell silent and I thought about his words and looked again around me at all the glamor and glitz...but also the areas where the water was slowly winning it's battle with the man-made structures.

"It won't always be here, though, will it? The water...it will eventually win it's war with the city."

"Perhaps...but humans are very ingenious creatures, aren't they? Despite the fact that a city shouldn't be here at all...here we are and there it is," he waved a hand around at the buildings rising above us. "Somehow I doubt that the sea will win its battle anytime soon....if at all."

I liked that...the idea of something that shouldn't exist..but existing anyway. That was Edward...and now me. We shouldn't exist. Yet here we were.

"Where else?"

"Hmm?" Edward glanced down at me questioningly.

"What are some other places you love?"

"Oh. Let me see." He paused for a moment, thinking. "Moscow is definitely one of my favorites. Perhaps we can go there later this year? I think you'll love it. Oh, and Emmett has a little place in Africa, near Lake Victoria, that's breathtaking." He paused again and then looked down at me, smiling so tenderly I wanted to melt.

"It's hard for me to think of favorite places when they didn't include you, love," he whispered, holding me tightly again. I grinned and kissed him softly before laying my head back on his shoulder. "I think right now my favorite place in the world is a sunny house in Arizona that's waiting for our return." I had to agree....glowing just thinking about being there again; alone with my husband.

"Mmm... mine too, Edward," I whispered and we resumed our quite ride through the darkening city.

The twinkling lights from the various buildings sparkled on the water as more and more people roved the walkways bordering parts of the canal and the bridges we floated beneath. There was a dreamlike quality to this quiet journey. So much life and noise around us...and yet the city itself seemed still...watching calmly...standing. It reminded me of a tall tree full of birds and other woodland creatures. The inhabitants were so busy, yet the tree just stood there, enduring it all, perhaps liking all the bustle and activity. Perhaps not.

I smiled as I realized how silly my thoughts had become. Edward's words and this place was making my fertile imagination take flight. Or perhaps it was this crazy rewired brain of mine constantly processing all the new thoughts and images now bombarding it.

After a while we left our little boat, thanking the gondolier who I'm sure greatly appreciated the generous tip Edward gave him. Then, hand in hand we wandered through the alleyways and streets, over bridges and into a few of the more spectacular buildings open to the public.

I was so thankful for all the practice I had had in Arizona with different bloodtypes. Here, with hundreds of people swarming around me, it would have been a nightmare only weeks before. And yet here I was...able to walk calmly among them with only the problem of wishing they all smelled a lot better to annoy me. Once or twice I had smelled someone with AB- blood and had had to stop breathing...not because I was in danger of running or fainting. It was just that it still was such a disgusting scent to me and I didn't want our time here tainted by my aversion any more than was necessary.

Occasionally we had taken a moment to duck into a famous restaurant that had once been a palace or mansion because Edward had wanted me to see the architecture...how beautifully it was designed. It was strange being there, though. I could see all the people enjoying their food and dimly remember how much I would have loved to have tasted some of those obviously delectable dishes. And yet, now....the need for such food was gone. Strange...one of the things I had liked doing with Renee had been going to some little restaurant and chatting with her over the meal. I imagined that moments like that were going to be quite a bit different from now on.

While we wandered the city, I spared a grateful thought for Alice. She had insisted on dressing me more appropriately for our jaunt through town. She still felt that my own clothing choices reflected mental issues and wanted more say in my fashion purchases.

I thought about why I had never really liked to 'dress up' as they say. Looking back I realized that I had never thought much about my looks. I knew I wasn't ugly. I realized that I was seen as someone fairly pretty...but that didn't seem to affect my own mental image. When I really thought about it, I saw that I had always viewed myself as plain, nothing much to look at. I guess it was because I was so oblivious to what was going on around me. Now, with my remodeled brain, I was able to see myself and my past more clearly. I recalled, with shock, that several boys in Phoenix had been interested in me. I just hadn't...seen them. I hadn't seen that I could ever want to be with any of them. So I'd never responded to them or even actively remembered that they had liked me. The more that happened, the less attention I had received, and the more withdrawn I'd become. It was like I had been waiting...waiting for the right time and more importantly, the right person, to come along. And he had! I was walking with him through the streets of Venice right now.

Alice's choice of clothing was going to take a little getting used to...but I was determined to broaden my fashion sense....a little. At least when in Venice, I thought with a smile. The black pants and boots were definitely a departure for me but the blue fitted sweater and multi-colored scarf was a nice touch. It was cold out...for everyone but us.... and we needed to play the part of chilled tourists well.

I knew I looked pretty good when Edward's eyes had appreciatively roamed my ensemble earlier in the afternoon. He, as always, looked like a perfect representation of a male model. As we walked the streets of Venice, I saw several people turn to look at us in admiration and a few with looks that bordered on jealousy. This was definitely going to take some getting used to. Edward didn't seem to notice, or was tuning out the thoughts directed towards himself, but he was taking great and annoying pleasure in telling me what others were thinking about me.

"The guy back there...the one with the long hair. Did you see him?" He was smirking as he asked me.

"Yes...what about him?" I played along.

"He was quite .... interested in you. He's a photographer and was working up the nerve to ask for your picture...until he saw me." He grinned. I could imagine that it would take some serious nerves to risk upsetting Edward, especially if it involved the woman he loved. I grinned up at him, prompting a sudden and quite satisfying kiss, much to the amusement of the people streaming past us.

"How is your radar tonight?" I asked wondering how much my interference was affecting him. There seemed to be times when he was able to think around me better...to sense things more clearly. I was usually distracted by something when this occurred and this was a very distracting place.

"Not too bad, at the moment. It's nice, though. Normally I would be having to really concentrate on tuning everyone out and that does not make for a very restful or enjoyable experience. Now....It's more of a background noise. I can tune in when I really want to...with effort. Or I can let your little gift let it all fade into the background and simply enjoy the moment."

Edward had seemed more relaxed around people than I'd ever seen before. If that was my only contribution to this gig...so be it. Just to know that I was bringing him some unlooked-for peace and quiet...what more could I ask?

Edward's phone beeped and he answered rapidly before flicking it off.

"That was Alice. She and Esme are just down here a ways and want us to join them for a moment. Okay?" I didn't mind even though it would have been nice to spend a few more hours simply roaming the city alone with Edward.

We walked past a few more buildings and a grand, ornate church before rounding a corner and ducking through an alleyway and back onto another canal. I could see where a local restaurant had placed tables and chairs near the water for their patrons and there sat Esme and Alice. Each had a glass of wine in front of them along with a basket of bread. Nice touch.

"Hi guys!" Alice chirped as we joined them and a waiter approached quickly. Edward glanced at Esme and then back at the waiter and said something in Italian that sent him scurrying off. Within minutes we, too, had glasses of wine placed before us and the waiter departed.

"So...what's the news?" Edward asked Esme. She smiled and gestured to several bags beneath the table.

"Well....we found lots of clothes that Alice felt were in dire need of coming home with us. Other than that....we haven't heard from Carlisle, yet." Edward nodded.

"Did you get a chance to talk with anyone about the Palazzo Mocenigo?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Not tonight. I've made an appointment though for tomorrow evening...if all goes well, of course." I knew she was referring to the meeting that we were supposed to have with Aro some time soon. Alice started telling us about some of the stores they had explored and we all listened while occasionally pretending to sip our wine. Edward pulled my chair closer to his so that I could lean on his shoulder. My attention to the fashion conscious conversation wavered as I watched the people flowing past us. They would occasionally glance our way, only to do a double take and often times get their companions attention so that they could, in turn, also stare at the four of us. I tried to imagine the picture we must make and smiled dreamily as I thought of the first time I'd seen the Cullens at school.

My thoughts were interrupted as the conversation turned back to family matters.

"We heard from Emmett a few minutes ago. They're having a nice time and Rose wants to know if we'd like to come spend a day or so with them or does Carlisle think they should come back to Venice? They said that they had tried to reach Carlisle but he didn't answer his phone." Esme said this with a frown. Edward looked thoughtful.

"Did you try calling him?"

"Yes and he answered for me. He said he was in the middle of something and not to worry about it. I asked if he wanted us to come back to the house and he said no." I could hear the faint worry in her voice and the tension that had managed to melt away during this wonderful evening began to build once more. Edward saw me stiffen and wrapped an arm around me.

"I wouldn't worry...any of you. Carlisle knows what he's dong. We just need to be patient and trust him, ok?" I sighed deeply, looking up into his intent face. Edward knew Carlisle better than anyone. Knowing that, I tried to push those annoying nervous feelings back down and get back to enjoying the moment.

"I do think though," Edward said after a few minutes of companionable silence, "that those two probably should think about returning to Venice sometime soon. What do you think, Alice?" We all looked at her as she cocked her head to one side and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and smiling a little.

"I think you're right, Edward. I see us meeting with someone sooner...not later." Edward nodded and leaned back in his seat, pulling me back with him. We all looked around and tried to stop worrying for a the moment. The city continued to flow around us....a sea of people talking and walking, laughing and shouting. I saw lovers walking by, completely oblivious to everyone else. Tourists were everywhere, too. You could hear them exclaiming in various languages, sometimes English, about the beauty of the city or about how crowded the street was.

When I really listened...in the way that was becoming easier and easier for me....I could hear so much more. The sounds of people enjoying meals within the different restaurants around us, the petty arguments and normal daily conversations taking place within the surrounding apartments and villas...a thousand and one personal moments all open for my access.

It was disconcerting...almost upsetting, after a while, and I pulled back to myself, tuning all that extra information out. Even though I couldn't understand all of it, some things are too private and it wasn't necessary or even right for me to .... spy on those around me. I wondered if this was how Edward felt and hated that he had had to deal with this issue on such a more intimate level than I ever would.

We'd been sitting there for some time, enjoying people-watching and being watched in turn, talking on various topics such as the house Esme wanted to buy, now more than ever, and other trips that were being thought about for later in the year, when Edward's phone rang again.

This time it was Jasper of all people and I looked at Alice who shrugged and smiled. She had evidently seen this call or else she would have been upset. Edward closed his phone and turned to us.

"Jasper just talked with Emmett and they're on their way back. What do you know, Alice? He wouldn't tell me much." Alice smirked.

"It seems that Carlisle and Jasper had a visitor while we've been gone. He's about to leave but he'll be back soon. We'll be there for that visit." Alice was, as always, the queen of being cryptic.

"We will? Who was it, then?" My 'talent' obviously interfering since I wanted to know just as much as Edward.

"Well, Edward....don't be upset, okay? Just keep an open mind." She was stalling.

"Who, Alice?" Edward's patience wearing then. Alice smiled a bit wryly and sighed.

"Demetri."

19. FAVORS AND FRIENDSHIPS

Facing Demetri again was more difficult than I'd imagined. As I stood on one side of the living room in the house we were renting, I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of him. There is a strange fascination that seems to occur when you're confronted with something or someone that caused you intense pain. In my mind I knew that he had only done what was necessary... and it was something that I'd wanted to have happen in the first place. I'd fought to have this life...to be with Edward forever....what did it matter how it had to happen. I also knew that Demetri had not been alone in changing me. Edward had made sure that a part of him would always be within me.

My heart was warring with my brain on this subject. Demetri had frightened me. And he'd meant to do that. He'd found it amusing. At least that's what it seemed like to me. He had sat there talking with me in the pouring rain while my frail little human heart had raced in fear and he'd done nothing to make it better. Then he had left me in such pain. Pain? That word could never encompass the torture I'd been through. That memory had flooded back into my over-active brain the moment Demetri had walked into the room that evening.

He smiled when he saw me and waved a little before strolling calmly over to Carlisle. It was completely unreal to see him again. Edward was at my side and I could sense that he, too, was having an extremely difficult time dealing with his feelings of anger at the agony this man had begun inside me and his gratitude for Demetri choosing to obey Aro instead of following Caius' directions and simply killing me instead. I knew that his gratitude would have to win out in the end...in the same way that my thankfulness that he hadn't killed Edward would eventually override my own memories of fear.

It was the evening after our trip down the Grand Canal and already I was missing my quiet time with Edward. All the tension I had been avoiding was now back in full force. And the end was no where in sight...at least, not for me. I couldn't understand what we were even doing here, really. My brain kept coming up with more question marks than answers. Eventually I surmised that I was desperately in need of more information. Obviously I was missing something crucial. But when was I going to be filled in? I had asked Edward about it and he had admitted that even he didn't fully comprehend what Carlisle's plan might be. His trust in his mentor was beyond question, though. Edward had complete confidence in Carlisle and that helped sooth my nerves...to a degree.

Watching Carlisle talking with Demetri was interesting. At first I didn't see it but it only took a few moments for me to discover that the Volturi guard did not treat my new father the same as he dealt with the rest of us. Demetri had a very casual personality. Even when I forced myself to recall our strange conversation before he bit me.... I had to admit that he had a laid back air about him. As though he just wanted everything to work out...no matter what the situation was. Even when I recalled the little he had said in the alleyway last year when I had first been confronted with a Volturi guard...he had wanted a peaceable resolution to the issue at hand...not a fight. Interesting.

He joked around with us. Asked how married life was treating me and winked at Edward who visibly ground his teeth. He even tried to tease Alice! Emmett seemed to be having a hard time not liking Demetri and that was extremely odd. I remembered how he had been itching for a fight with the tracker last year. And now I watched him grin at something the guard would say and I knew that if the situation was different, the two of them would be great pals. Rosalie was not amused by this, though. She seemed more tolerant of Seth as her husband's friend than Demetri.

But the way Demetri treated Carlisle, and even Esme, was vastly different. He was quiet and to the point...deferential, even. Every question that Carlisle quietly put to him, he answered openly and immediately. This really surprised me until I suddenly realized why he was doing this. In Demetri's eyes, Carlisle was not a friend of the Volturi or an equal with a guard member. He was a Volturi. Carlisle was equal to Aro or Caius or Marcus! I was stunned as I recalled the painting in Carlisle's study. Not of three patrons looking down on the activities in the city below....but four!

Edward noticed it, too, and I saw him frown thoughtfully as we sat around the living room while Demetri and Carlisle spoke. They were outside on the deck overlooking the glittering black waters of the Grand Canal. It was after midnight when Demetri had arrived and he and Carlisle had been talking for some time.

I watched as Carlisle seemed to be thinking hard about something and glanced at Edward through the glass doors. Looking up I saw Edward nod briefly and the Carlisle spoke quietly again to Demetri and they both came back inside.

"What was that about?" I whispered to Edward. He shook his head as Carlisle walked up to us both, Demetri trailing behind him.

"Our friend here has spoken with Aro and he's invited Esme and me to visit him in Volterra." I looked around at the serious expressions on all of my family's faces and turned to stare at Edward nervously. He squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"That sounds like a good beginning, Carlisle.... but then what?" he looked at Demetri.

"Ah...then the rest of your so charming family will accompany me to Volterra in a less....official way, if you get my meaning?" he said with a wink. Edward nodded and looked back at Carlisle.

"So that's the plan as it stands right now, Carlisle?" His mentor nodded.

"Yes. The story will be that Aro has asked that I come for a proper visit as it's been such a long time since I've actually been to see my old friends. Aro wants to meet Esme as well," he said this as he took his wife's hand and pulled her gently to his side. She didn't seem surprised by this announcement so I surmised that they had already spoken about this possibility.

"Aro doesn't want Caius or any of the guards to know the real reason why we are here. With only me and Esme visiting, it will seem less formal and cause less speculation. Meanwhile, the rest of you will be ready and waiting when and if you are needed." Demetri coughed politely and looked apologetically at Carlisle.

"I fear that it will be more of a 'when' than an 'if', sir." He smiled wryly. Carlisle nodded and after a few minutes and a few oddly-chosen jokes that had Emmett's sense of humor once again battling with his wife's disapproval, Demetri left.

Silence reigned in the living room for several moments after his departure. It was hard to focus on what was most likely looming in our future. A confrontation with the Volturi...on their home ground? This didn't sound like the best idea. Why were we doing this? Evidently that question was on many peoples minds, as well. Rosalie was the first to voice her concern.

"Carlisle...I know you have your reasons and I would dearly love to hear them because...I'm sorry, but I just don't really see the point of all this."

"The point, Rosalie?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"Yes...the point. What does it matter if Aro is having some issue with his people? Isn't that his problem? I know that you were once friends and all, but....," she trailed off shaking her head. I was thinking much the same thing and everyone gazed at Carlisle, clearly waiting for an explanation. We had come all this way because he said it was necessary. And we trusted him. But now, with the pressure of a face-to-face confrontation with Volturi that evidently were having loyalty issues....things needed to be clarified.

Carlisle looked at each of us and Edward last...and longest. Finally he spoke.

"You all know my history, for the most part, with the Volturi. Some more than others," he said, glancing at me with a smile. "However, I suppose I've never really shared certain things with you. What I mean by that is....what it was like to be in Volterra....as a Volturi." He paused looking around. Silently he moved to sit down next to his wife and we all took that to mean that we should make ourselves comfortable. The look on Edward's face alone told me that this was going to be interesting.

"When I lived with Aro, Caius, and Marcus....I wasn't a member of their guard. You knew that. From what I've told you in the past, you must have understood that I was held as a valued friend of the Volturi...even one of them." We all nodded.

"But there was more to it than that. I was lost when I found the Volturi. They seemed so cultured, so at peace with what they were that, even though I could not agree with their choice when it came to feeding upon humans, and they could not see my point of view on that subject, either, I was still very drawn to them. We became extremely close. So close that I was afforded the same degree of respect as the other three. What I said and thought about different decisions that had to be made was just as much law as any of the others."

I glanced around briefly as he said this and saw the look of concentration on Edward's face and the intent looks on the others. I had the feeling that Carlisle did not speak so openly about this topic normally.

"As you know, I eventually became...less than happy with the situation in Volterra. I could not continue to...support what was going on there. Not when I knew from my own experience that there was another way. A way that worked fine...without killing other thinking beings!" For the first time in my life I saw such intensity in Carlisle's face..such passion for what he knew in his heart was right. I could finally see what Edward had meant when he said he knew how seriously Carlisle viewed his stance regarding feeding upon humans. Carlisle was silent for a few moments, obviously remembering things that took him back to that time, so long ago.

"When I decided to leave....it wasn't easy. None of the three wanted to lose me. I suppose that could have been flattering. Maybe it was. But I knew that I needed to find my own place...my own way. I needed...," he paused. "I needed to get away from all the death! I felt....soiled by the knowledge of all the human lives that had been lost while I had done nothing....nothing but ruling alongside the very ones sanctioning their demise." He shook his head, remembering.

"But that was not an easy concept to get across to Aro. I think Marcus understood better than the others. We didn't speak much about it privately, but from what he did say to me, I knew that he at least understood my need for a new life. He was the only one at first, though. Aro laughed about it. Treated it like a joke. He kept putting me off. Didn't want to discuss it. Caius, on the other hand...," he shook his head again and sighed. "You have to understand something about Caius. You probably think that Aro was my closest companion while in Volterra. Perhaps I've let you think that. The truth is that of the three, I was closest to Caius. We were the youngest...I was of course much younger than him...but still.... We enjoyed many of the same things, same thoughts on different issues. Music, entertainment. We had similar senses of humor. I don't know what truly defines friendship--why we are drawn to one person as a close companion over another. All I can tell you is that, although I was indeed close to all three...I was closest to Caius. And when I told him that I wanted to leave, even when I made it seem at first that it would only be for a short while, he was furious. Honestly, " he looked up and away from us, "I know that my leaving...my desire to leave hurt his feelings. I think he felt that I was leaving him. That our friendship meant nothing to me." I looked at Edward and could tell that some of this was new to him. Carlisle must have guarded these thoughts for a very long time. Why would he do that? The only reason would be that this must be a very hard, even painful topic for him.

"When I was finally able to make Aro listen to me...once he had truly seen all the thoughts I had had on this subject...he relented. I know that he thought it would be only a short time until I was unable to stay away. That I would never find others who felt as I did about humans. Part of me feared that he was right and that I would return one day to resume my place at their side. But I also knew that I didn't desire that fate. That I would do anything, whatever it took, to repay humanity for the lives I had allowed to be cut short for so many, many years." Carlisle's face was grim as he spoke these words.

"Caius refused to speak to me before I left. I remember looking everywhere for him. I wanted to say goodbye to my old friend...but his hurt and anger would not allow it. Marcus told me that he would do what he could to help Caius understand my feelings. Aro laughed the whole thing off, of course. For all his charm, he can be very....callous at times." I rolled my eyes at that. The fact that Carlisle could view Aro as 'callous at times' was bizarre. I guess I just couldn't really know what it was like to have lived so long and to have experienced so much that you could view someone like Aro that way.

"After I left, it was some time before I was able to send word back...home. It was even longer before I received news from Volterra. Eventually I heard from Aro through one of the guards. He was wondering how I was and if I was thinking of coming back soon...even for a visit. I replied that I was fine and planning on coming to America for a time. That was the last communication I had with them until the mid-1800's. And that was just a brief note from Marcus letting me know that all was well and asking after me. Marcus is a deep person. I knew that he would never have contacted me unless there was a more serious reason. So I sent back word that I was doing well and I told him in all honesty that I was lonely. And I admitted that I was thinking of coming back to Italy at some point soon for a visit. But then the War Between the States swept the country into madness and the need for a doctor became urgent. I couldn't leave when I was finally so needed. I couldn't walk away from the opportunity to do what I could for the foolish, angry humans around me. So I never made that trip. I didn't have any word from them again until after most of you had come into my life. I gave in to the whim of calling them on the telephone." He smiled briefly. "I had never called them before and I wondered how time had passed for them. I was able to contact someone who got word to Aro who, amazingly, called me back! We had a short conversation in which I neglected to go into much, if any detail, regarding all of you. I wasn't trying to keep things from him..I have never truly believed that he was a threat to any of you at any time....other than my own son asking him to....," he trailed off looking sternly at his firstborn.

"I suppose I just wanted to keep the knowledge of my success to myself for a time. Aro had always been so sure that I would fail...I didn't see that rubbing it in would do any of us any good. What always bothered me, though, was that Caius was never spoken of. Whenever I had received word either from Aro or Marcus, neither ever said anything about him. For a long time I worried that something had happened to him. But I was sure that one of the others would let me know if that was the case. Then Edward made his...trip...to Italy and I discovered that he was alive and apparently well. I knew then, and from what you told me, Edward, that Caius was still nursing a serious grudge against me for ever leaving them. There was nothing I could do about it, though. I toyed with the idea of traveling with Esme to visit...but then the Victoria issue came up and after that, the wedding. I was still planning on making the trip....when Demetri showed up in Arizona." I shuddered and Edward held me tighter.

"Did you know Demetri before...when you lived with them?" I asked quietly. He shook his head.

"No. Apparently he joined their family after my time...quite a few years after I had left. But his allegiance, his loyalty to Aro at a time when it really mattered to our family.... That made an impression on me. As soon as Edward told me what had happened and that Caius had actually given counter-orders in this case, I knew that I had to contact Aro. And so I did." He paused and looked around the silent room, meeting each of our eyes.

"What Aro told me...that he held concerns about Caius and that he sensed that someone was using my old friend's hurt feelings against not only our family but Aro himself...that convinced me that I needed to act. That I needed to return to my first real home and do what I could to help. I would never have asked the rest of you to involve yourselves in what is, essentially, a private matter between me and my old friends and family, except for the fact that each and every one of us owes Aro...multiple times." I frowned at that. I could think of a few things that could be taken as favors I owed Aro...but what about the rest of them? Emmett piped in at that.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that, Carlisle. I know he didn't kill Edward, and we're all grateful for that....but...," he shrugged.

"I'm sure you can see that Aro has done more for us than that. Consider, for a moment. Yes, he didn't kill Edward when he asked to die," he stated this with a frown and I leaned into Edward's embrace. "He also spared Edward, Alice, and Bella soon after that when Caius obviously wanted Bella, at least, dead. However, Alice, you allowed Aro to touch your hands, thus letting your every thought be heard and seen by him. That includes the recent meeting you had had with Jacob...a werewolf. And your knowledge that he was not the only one of his kind and that they were all aware of our existence...something I had never shared with Aro. And yet he didn't speak of that fact when you were there, nor did his guards seem aware of the possibility that the wolves had helped us when they showed up so helpfully after Victoria and her mess had been dealt with. By Volturi law they should all be destroyed...but that never happened. No word was spoken of them. My only conclusion is that Aro has kept that information to himself. So, once more he has placed us in his debt and that was not the last time. When Caius demanded that Demetri kill Bella and Edward if she had not be changed when he found them...Aro ordered that Bella be changed by Demetri instead and that they both be spared. Don't you see? Over and over Aro has placed us in his debt. Our family owes him...at least, that's how I choose to view it." He stopped and looked around at us all. I had to admit that I had not thought about the wolves. Why hadn't Aro said anything about them? He had to know...he had seen Alice's thoughts. I looked over to her and saw a small frown on her face as she herself was, for once, puzzled.

"Something else to consider: a stable Volturi situation is in all of our best interests. If there really is someone from among them who is trying to pry power away from Aro by using Caius' bitter feelings against me....we need to do what we can to stop that. At least....I do. Perhaps I'm asking too much, though." He looked at each of us seriously. "It's obvious that we may be facing a very serious situation once in Volterra. I can't promise that all will go smoothly once we're there. And.....this issue, despite involving our family's gratitude for Aro's actions, at least in my opinion, does come down to my past relationship with the Volturi. If any of you feel that you would rather not involve yourselves in this....I will try to understand." His voice had grown so quiet that I would not have been able to hear him had I not been changed. Esme leaned into Carlisle's side, holding herself to him in a way that I had never seen before. They were usually so private with their affection. I looked up at Edward to see his reaction..I already knew how I felt. Edward's face mirrored my determination to pay back any debt I owed Aro. He had saved my love three times, and my life twice. And by his omitting to tell others about the wolves...he had saved the life of my best friend and his family. How could I not help Carlisle resolve this issue?

"I want to help," I stated into the silence. Edward held me firmly as he agreed along with the rest of our family. Emmett added another element to the issue by stating that he for one didn't want to be in a position to owe Aro anything and the sooner we got this over with the better.

Carlisle's smile at our unanimous support was full of pride and gratitude. I had the impression that a great weight had come off of his shoulders by his opening up and sharing his past with us. I asked Edward later about what we'd heard, wondering if he had known more of the story than he'd let on.

"Carlisle's a very private person, Bella. I knew a lot of what he told us tonight...but not his feelings on the matter. Especially what he said about Caius. I honestly never caught on from his thoughts or words how deep their friendship had been and how hurt Caius apparently was when Carlisle left. I wonder what it will be like...when they see each other again?"

We were out on the deck, watching the moonlight reflected in the water. I leaned back against Edward's chest and thought about all I'd heard that night and all that lay ahead. I also thought about friendship. How a deep friendship can bring such joy...but also such pain. When a true friend hurts you...it can be so hard to let that go. I knew that from experience. Carlisle had hurt Caius...perhaps just as much or more than I'd hurt Jacob. Could their friendship be repaired? Could mine? Watching the waters below, I had to admit that I didn't know the answers to either of those questions. I could only hope that friendship would win out in the end.

20. SCHEMES

"Well....that was interesting!" Emmett said as the black-robed figure seemed to float eerily out of the room. All I could do was nod in agreement and look around to see how everyone else was reacting. I couldn't speak for the others, but I for one had never expected that meeting to go so well. And Jasper! Talk about a surprise performance.

"I didn't think you two would have hit it off so well, bro! That was....was...," Emmett just shook his head. I looked in awe at Jasper and couldn't help but grin at his own slightly stunned expression. Alice got up and danced over to him, surprising us all with a tiny giggle.

"You are definitely the star tonight, Jazz!" She jumped up and he caught her, twirling her around for a moment. I had to agree. Watching Jasper talking so calmly with Marcus, of all people, had been a tad surreal!

The dread I had experienced dealing with Demetri had been nothing compared with seeing Marcus again. He seemed to project all that a movie-version vampire was supposed to embody. It was so eerie watching him glide into the room. The way he watched us all at first...the way he spoke, so softly and so slowly. It had taken a while for the sinister feeling that I had originally felt in his presence to die down. It hadn't gone away completely, mind you! I didn't know if that was possible. After all...Marcus was a true vampire. A human-killing, blood-drinking vampire that was over 2000 years old. Dracula himself would have had a lot to contend with, fear-wise, where this strange and menacing being was concerned!

We had been in Volterra for only a few days when our visitors had first arrived. Marcus was the latest and had shown up this afternoon and had stayed talking with first Edward then Jasper until the small hours of the morning. Some of his conversation with Edward had taken place alone...private matters that he evidently did not feel he needed to share with everyone. Later he had joined the rest of us and Demetri, acting as his guard, and it was then that he had first spoken with Jasper.

From what Edward told me and the others later, all was going well with Carlisle and Esme's visit. Some of the guard-members found the idea of Carlisle and his wife to be a strange and entertaining novelty. It was like receiving a visit from a foreign dignitary that the others found a bit amusing...something new in their fairly boring lives. Caius' reaction though had not been as hoped for.

"He refuses to meet with Carlisle. Which is quite frankly...odd....except for what we know must be going on." Marcus had said in answer to Rosalie's question about the two old friends reunion. "I hope that this...situation...can resolve itself soon. Caius has been...alone...too long with his feelings. He needs to let this go." Listening to Marcus softly talk about Caius and Carlisle was strangely mesmerizing. I remember wondering if he ever spoke. He had certainly never made his thoughts known vocally the one time I had seen him before. He had seemed bored beyond all thought during my one encounter with him. Yet here he was....talking with us all as though he had always known us.

Of course, that wasn't how it had been when he had first arrived. I thought about his reaction to us all when he had entered the room. We had all been lounging around in the middle of some absurd conversation started by Emmett when Alice had jumped up, closely followed by Edward, and the door had opened to admit Demetri and then, to our astonishment, Marcus. We had been warned the previous day that we would be receiving a visit---but I had honestly thought it would be Aro. Why should any of us have suspected that Marcus would want to see us...or that he was 'in' on our little visit to his city.

When he had first met us all, some not for the first time as in the case of Alice, Edward, and myself, he had simply stared at each of us in turn and then kept glancing from one to the other of us as though deeply puzzled. Edward watched this for a moment before breaking the lengthening silence.

"I know that you find our family a bit odd, Marcus. The last time we met you seemed to find it just as strange."

Marcus looked at Edward quietly for another long moment before nodding.

"It is....strange....to me. I sense the...bond...you all seem to have for one another. Especially...," and he had nodded at each of the couples in the room. "That seems more normal to me...I have seen many who...loved one another as you seem to care for your mates. But....the familial feelings you all seem to share for one another. That is another thing altogether." He shook his head at this and looked around at our little group once more. His glance fell more often on Jasper than any of the others and I couldn't imagine that he sensed that Jasper was more attached to our family than any of the rest of us. That seemed absurd. But something about Jasper was attracting this ancient beings attention.

Later, when his private and more public discussions with Edward had apparently come to a close, we had all watched in amazement as Marcus had gravitated towards Jasper. He did not ask to speak with him privately so we were all able to hear their conversation, although we took pains to not obviously eavesdrop. However, Marcus did not appear to be asking Jasper anything unusual or important. When we did manage to hear a bit of what they were discussing, it seemed as though Marcus was asking Jasper about how he liked living with all of us...when had Jasper joined our family...things like that. It was obvious to all that Marcus seemed to really enjoy talking with our quiet brother. Would wonders never cease?

Once the Volturi had left, we couldn't help but pick on Jasper a bit.

"What was that all about anyway, bro? You two seemed awfully chummy!" Emmett playfully swatted Jasper on the shoulder sending him careening across the room. Grinning, Jasper had shrugged and, gathering little Alice into his lap, had sat back on the couch.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he said softly. We all just stared at him until he laughed a little and shrugged again. "Okay! I don't know what all was going on in his mind, of course," he looked at Edward at this. "But his emotions were a bit....odd."

"Odd?" Several of us asked simultaneously.

"He seemed very...intent on why I was with you...how I could be happy in this family. It was as though....as though...," he paused evidently needing to gather his own thoughts on the subject. "He sensed that I am different from the rest of you. That my...background....is quite different." Emmett frowned and collapsed onto a chair causing the said item to groan dangerously.

"You're different? What do ya mean? You live the same way as the rest of us," he looked around in confusion, but I already thought I knew what he was getting at.

"Do you mean that you didn't always live the way you do now, Jasper?" I asked quietly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. He nodded and smiled at me briefly.

"He can sense quite a lot about a person but I also think that Carlisle may have spoken about me...about all of us...with both Aro and Marcus. He knew that I was once a soldier and you may or may not have caught some of what he was saying to me, but he was a soldier once himself. He didn't say too much about it but from what he did say and from what I could feel...I know that he's fought in wars both as a human and as a vampire. I can only imagine, unless he one day chooses to talk more about it, what his human life must have been like. Over two thousand years ago....," we all fell silent thinking about all that time and all that Marcus and the other two must have seen and experienced both before and after becoming what they now were. I had always had a hard time imagining what Carlisle's life must be like---how he must perceive time after living for hundreds of years. But what about living for thousands! What would it be like for me? For Edward and I? It was a very sobering thought and I could tell that it was one that had captured the imaginations of all my new siblings, as well.

Edward seemed to shake this new mood off more quickly than the rest of us and brought the conversation back to the matter at hand.

"Marcus had more than your military career on his mind, Jasper. He told me quite a few things about what's been going on inside the Volturi family lately. As far as he can tell there are only a few individuals who seem to be affected by whatever has gotten to Caius. He also feels that whatever is happening...it started fairly recently."

"But didn't Carlisle tell us that Caius has been upset with him for leaving for a long time?" Emmett asked, pulling up a chair. The rooms we were using evidently belonged to Marcus in some roundabout way. We had been skulking around here...trapped in Volterra...for days and our new 'home' wasn't all that much fun to hang out in. More like some sort of storage building for used furniture than anything else.

"Caius' feelings regarding Carlisle have been there for some time...a couple of hundred years if you think about it. But it's only been since my trip to and from here that Caius' position regarding Carlisle and our family has changed. That's where everything seems to have started. Marcus knows who has the strongest bonds within their family and he has a pretty good idea who is most likely behind this—so does Aro, I might add."

"Well, if they know so much," Rosalie interrupted, "then why don't they handle this mess by themselves?" I had to admit that I was surprised that both Aro and Marcus apparently knew who was doing this to Caius and to Aro and yet somehow were failing to take action. Edward shook his head.

"That's the thing, Rose. They think they know---but with Caius in his present mood...giving counter orders, straying away from the central Volturi nest, so to speak....this is a bit dicey! They need for whatever's going to happen...to happen in just the right way. And they also don't want to lose Caius in the process."

"Why not? He's the one who can't seem to get over himself!" Emmett frowned. Jasper interrupted whatever it was that Edward was going to say.

"Marcus and Aro both actually care about Caius---despite everything that's been happening. They've all three been together way too long to just...let go. Carlisle leaving only made the other three get that much closer---until recently, that is."

"Then who do they think is behind this---or were you not able to get that information from him?" Emmett asked Edward huffily. Edward looked at Alice who shrugged.

"Marcus has felt for some time that the only ones that could possibly be behind all this are two people we've met...at least, we've all met one and a few of us have met the other." He paused and we all stared at him for a moment. Alice shook her head.

"Stop being so melodramatic, Edward. It's not your style." Edward grinned slightly at that.

"Okay—I wasn't trying to be, thank you very much! Marcus thinks it's Jane and her brother Alec. Or more precisely...that it's Alec and Jane's going along with it." This was a shocker on several fronts. Just the mention of that little fiend Jane's name and I was shivering. Remembering what she had been able to do to Edward and what she had clearly wanted to do to me....she was the scariest vampire I had ever met. As for her brother....

"How can Alec be involved? Jane, I'll believe. The little monster! On the other hand, she seemed devoted to Aro when we saw her last...," I petered off remembering. Alice reached over and squeezed my hand briefly before looking at Edward.

"Whatever's going on...it's being handled very delicately. Carlisle has had me monitoring things for a while and I still only pick up the vaguest of plans and endings. Everything seems so...tentative." She shrugged her small shoulders, shaking her head. Emmett was still frowning.

"So...the little child with the big stick...so to speak. I remember you telling us about what she's capable of. But what about the brother? You didn't say...," Edward nodded.

"His ability has been to dampen the talents of others. Somewhat like what you've been doing, Bella," he said giving me a quick hug. "The difference is that he knows what he's doing and how to do it. Up to this point Alec has been very good at helping control touchy situations...such as the ones you've told us about Jasper. When wars have happened and then needed to be cleaned up...Alec and others have been sent in. Jane can disarm many using pain...but occasionally that's not what's called for. Especially when dealing with those with new powers they don't yet know how to control." Jasper was nodding.

"That makes sense. I've always had a hard time believing that the Volturi would simply kill off all newborns and any others they found indiscriminately during one of their clean-up missions. I've seen newborns wake up with amazing abilities right from the start. The Volturi would just destroy those—without ever finding out if they would make good guard members? Makes no sense...not militarily, anyway." Edward agreed.

"Apparently the Volturi have been using Alec as their own 'personal shopper' for many years. Carlisle even remembers a few of the newborns that were brought back after some war or other. Usually they were still destroyed...but occasionally Aro or one of the others, once even Carlisle himself, would decide that their ability warranted ...mercy." Emmett snorted at that word. I was thinking the same thing...mercy? Die or join us...that didn't sound much like mercy to me. But then again...death is death. If given that option...a person might do anything to stay alive, right? It was extremely strange, though, to think of Carlisle ever participating in a decision like that.

"So," Rosalie said slowly. "If they decided to keep a newborn or maybe even anyone they found during the process of cleaning up a bad situation like that....Little Alec to the rescue, huh? He turns them off or .... 'down' a bit? And then it's back to Volterra?"

"That's about it," Edward agreed.

"So what changed? If Alec has been so helpful for so long....how is he able to do whatever it is that he's doing to Caius? What is he doing? I'm assuming that they aren't simply talking to the guy and trying to convince him to work against Aro---that sounds pretty out there to me!" Emmett clearly wanted to get to the bottom of things...and so did the rest of us.

"You're right. Just talking to Caius—that's out of the question. Aro would know what they were up to immediately after they touched his hand...which is something they are all required to do, by the way. It seems to Marcus that whatever Alec is doing...it's very subtle. After we were here last....that's when Marcus noticed a difference in first Alec's and later his sister's attitude toward Aro. Their bond for him seemed to dwindle. Aro began to notice something too....even more subtly. It seems that lately, whenever Alec or Jane touch Aro's hand....he reads very little from them. And what he does read seems somehow...scripted. Of course, Aro can't tell the others that he's feeling this. Aro's ability to read every thought that anyone has ever had is legendary. It practically assures him the loyalty of the guards. It has never failed....that is....until you, Bella." He stopped and looked down at me. The others were looking at me as well.

"What? There's nothing new in that. Aro knows he can't read me! What?" The way they were looking at me was unnerving. I felt, once again, like I was missing something vital. Jasper sighed suddenly.

"Of course! I felt some of this when you were talking with Marcus earlier, Edward. And also when Marcus looked at Bella when he first came in the room!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked impatiently.

"It's just this, love," Edward took my agitated hands in his. "It seems very likely that when Alec realized that not only could Aro not read your thoughts but that Jane couldn't harm you with her ability...that got him thinking. He must have decided to try and see if his ability to dampen the powers of others could be used to hide his thoughts from Aro. He probably experimented with inconsequential thoughts at first—that way if he was wrong and Aro heard him...it wouldn't be that big of a deal. When that apparently worked, however...that's when he must have begun to plot...and that's also when he started including his sister in his scheme. Aro and Marcus know that something is different with both of the siblings...not just Alec alone."

"So Alec has been keeping his thoughts and those of his sister away from Aro---that's a good first step in this kind of ...coup. But how does that explain what's happening with Caius' attitude?" Jasper grasped the military stuff better than anyone.

"Marcus has ideas about that as well. The feeling is that whatever ability Alec has that allows him to dampen another's powers or shield him from being read by Aro---this might also allow him to impose his own thoughts, or perhaps just feelings, on another being. If he does have this skill—he wouldn't dare use it on Aro himself...that might be too much for whatever it takes him to disguise his thoughts from the leader. But what about the one Volturi who doesn't have the ability to read thoughts or discern the bonds between the others? Caius has no particular talent. He wouldn't know, most likely, if he was being manipulated. And...if it was done carefully enough...Aro might not catch it either...at least not until it was, hopefully, too late."

"So the little buggers are pushing at Caius' feelings and hoping to....what? Cause Caius to revolt against Aro....are they crazy?" Emmett had a point. Jasper had the answer.

"In any good coup...you have to have a strategy and you also need strong motives. If I were to guess...I would say that the little brother and sister don't think anyone should be telling them what to do. Am I right, Edward?"

"That's the long and short of it. Aro has always made much over the abilities of those two. Perhaps too much! I got the distinct impression from them that they know exactly how powerful they both are. It would be easy for them both to feel that they are more powerful than Aro...so why should they be taking orders from him? Or anyone? Seeing Bella be able to shield herself from Aro's thoughts....that was the beginning. Alec and Jane need to make everything collapse from within....leaving themselves the strongest vampires....the natural choice for the others to follow. If they'd even be allowed to make that choice."

"If that's true—then that explains why Aro and Marcus can't just come out and tell everyone what's happening. They need this to be handled quietly, right, Jasper?" I asked.

"Absolutely! If they were to let everyone know what's going on---they might be able to handle things this time...but it would almost assure that there would be a next time. And that's the last thing they want!"

"So now we're all on the same page. Aro and Marcus need us to help them handle things quietly...behind the scenes. If we don't...then we could be looking at the end of the Volturi as we know it." Edward looked as grim as the rest of us felt. Emmett put our worst fears into words.

"Even better---it would mean that little brother and sister would be running things from now on!" That thought was enough to scare me and, I suspect, everyone else in the room far more than anything else we had ever dealt with. And that was saying quite a lot!

21. STRATEGY

Swiftly and silently we traveled through the dark catacombs beneath the city, Demetri as our guide. Everything seemed to be moving so fast now—in reality and with regards to the plans that had been made.

Carlisle had sent word earlier that day that a meeting had been arranged between Caius and himself. We all understood from what we were told that Caius was not currently aware of this arrangement and no one was bothering to inform him, either. As Edward had predicted, things needed to happen quietly and quickly...if indeed we had any hope of pulling this thing off at all. And what did Carlisle hope would happen? I wondered about that as we sped through the damp and the dark.

I also wondered about other things. Memories flooded my mind of the last time I had been in these tunnels. The fear and anguish that had haunted my every thought then...it was hard to latch on to those feelings. I remembered the love I had for the man racing beside me now. The fear that I would lose him...either to the monsters I had so recently become aware of, or that we would survive and Edward would once again leave me. The insecurity that had created the latter feeling was now almost amusing to me. Never again would I ever be able to doubt Edward's love and devotion. That was something that I knew was just as permanent now to me as was this new body that I was slowly becoming accustomed to.

The fear of somehow losing him, though....of losing this amazing new life we were carving our for ourselves...that was growing stronger the longer we stayed in this deadly city. Edward glanced down at me and his hand gripped mine more firmly. His thoughts had obviously drifted back to the events of last year, as well.

"Don't think about it, love," he whispered into the dark. I squeezed his hand in reply and we hurried on. It was nearing twilight in the city above.

Occasionally I would hear echoes of the people passing by in the buildings and alleyways whose walls connected in some obscure way to these dank halls. I tried to picture where we were and found that I could, surprisingly enough, identify our location within Volterra. Just another odd quirk of my new existence, I suppose.

We finally came to an arch recessed into the wall on our right and stopped to allow Demetri to unlock and open the ancient doorway. Once inside, he locked us in and we gathered to hear what was next on the agenda. Another patriot in the little war that was brewing awaited us within the shadows. I watched Marcus...silently standing...an immortal and sinister statue. Edward walked forward to greet him as the Volturi slowly moved, revealing his living status. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but it had occurred to me that these more ancient vampires seemed more stone-like...less the living crystals that Edward and now I seemed to resemble and more like carvings that perhaps shouldn't move, but did. I wondered if that was now my fate or did it have more to do with these creatures choices of life and activity.

"Here is where we must separate," Marcus stated softly as we waited. Edward frowned. None of us had been told what to expect when we left our hiding place earlier in the day. We had spent some time questioning Demetri but all he had been willing to divulge was that we were to meet Marcus at a prearranged location and that events were proceeding as planned. Whose plan he was referring to, we didn't really know.

"We could probably be of more help to you, Marcus, if you would be so kind as to fill us in on what's been going on." Edward was frowning again and I was learning to interpret that particular expression. It meant that my mental static was working a little too hard for him to be able to pull the answers he wanted from Marcus' brain. I tried to relax and not concentrate so intently on the ancient vampire. It seemed that that helped Edward at times. He glanced briefly at me and squeezed my hand. Perhaps it had been some small help after all. I would have to remember to ask him later.

Marcus once again seemed to take his time responding to Edward's question. I truly believed that he had gotten out of the habit of speaking much any more and that in the past few days he had spoken more with us than he had in who knew how long! It was a strange and slightly eerie thought.

"I assume that you were told that it has been arranged that Carlisle and Caius are to meet tonight?" He glanced at Demetri who nodded respectfully. "Caius, of course, has not been so informed. He has in fact been told that both Carlisle and Esme are leaving tonight after the two of them have fed in the parkland outside the city. In reality, Esme will be the only one to join her escort for the hunt. Carlisle will be waiting with Aro."

"How does this serve our purpose?" Rosalie asked grimly. Her eyes glared determinedly at the dark-robed figure before us. I had to hand it to them...neither Emmett nor Rosalie seemed in any way afraid of this being. None of them did, actually. I turned as a small voice answered Rosalie's question.

"Esme's escort will be the ambitious Alec. And we will be there to greet them." Hearing Alice state this so innocently in her sing-song way made me shiver suddenly because I knew how serious and deadly the situation tonight was and what awful events were sure to occur...if all went well. So this was how it would end? But there was another problem that still had to be dealt with.

"What about Jane?" I asked.

"Ah...the little one will be guarding Caius. She has recently been reassigned to his personal guard, as has her brother." He paused thoughtfully before continuing in the softest of voices. "Alec will be very....upset ... when he realizes that Carlisle will not be joining him in the park tonight." His voice was was like an icy whisper that clawed its way across my nerves. For the first time it truly hit me what terrible rage must be filling both Aro and Marcus at this treachery and the manipulation of their long time companion and brother. What must they long to do to those two siblings? The idea that anyone I loved could ever be on the receiving end of that anger chilled me to the bone. Marcus met my eyes for a brief moment before continuing. His gaze fell on Jasper.

"You, Edward, and Bella will accompany me to Aro's private quarters to await developments within." He looked long and hard at Jasper before turning slowly and walking towards the doorway at the far end of the room. Edward exchanged glances with his brother before turning to the other group.

"Follow Demetri. He'll show you where to go and will be ready to assist you...when you reach your destination." Edward's voice was unusually grim. I could only imagine what thoughts he had read in Marcus' mind. If they were anything resembling my earlier imaginings....I knew that he must be reacting to the anger and hate coursing through the quiet Volturi. Alice nodded...no trace of a smile on her elven face. She, along with Rosalie and Emmett, quietly followed the dark-robed Demetri out another doorway and disappeared into the gloom beyond.

A small sound alerted me that Marcus was now awaiting our pleasure. Edward reached once more for my hand as we followed the ancient one and Jasper further into the bowels of the Volturi stronghold.

We traveled mainly in darkness, slowly tracing our way through hallways and low rooms, all in dank, dripping brick. Had I still been human I knew that I would have been shaking from the cold radiating from this place.

Eventually, we reached another doorway that led to a stairwell. They were extremely narrow and cramped and I had a hard time believing that anyone regularly used this passage. I thought about the fact that it was Marcus and not Demetri that was leading us up this route. Perhaps it was not even known to the guard, in general. And maybe the Volturi leaders aimed to keep it that way.

It took some time and much careful and silent climbing before we reached whatever level Marcus was leading us to. Once we were out of the stairwell, we found ourselves in a warm, wood-paneled hallway with Persian rugs on the floor and fabulous paintings on the walls. We were still walking in silence so I couldn't ask to stop and examine the artwork, but I dearly wished I could have. I have never been a real art student or anything but I couldn't help but admire and feel intense curiosity about the paintings I was passing. Whoever had created such beauty...they were obviously masters, but I knew that I had never seen anything like these before.

Marcus came to a stop and motioned us to wait a moment. Turning to Edward, he arched his brow meaningfully. Whatever he was asking, Edward seemed to confirm. With a nod, the ancient Volturi turned and led us silently towards a door recessed in the ornate wall. I noticed, as we passed into the room beyond, that there were several other doors leading off the hall. More of Aro's rooms, no doubt.

The door was shut behind us and we found ourselves in an opulent room that seemed to be some sort of study or even a private library. Books covered three walls, floor to ceiling. What I would have given to have examined that collection under peaceful circumstances! The forth wall was as ornately paneled as the hallway outside and also just as decorated with unknown and equally lovely works of art. In the center of that wall was a door. Marcus stood staring at that entryway for a long moment before gliding effortlessly across the room to where we stood waiting.

"Through that door lies Aro's...office. There is where he and I will meet with Carlisle and, soon after, Caius and Jane." His voice was the softest of whispers...a mere breath. "I will leave you now. I feel that there is no need to further warn you that silence and attention are the watchwords for this enterprise, correct?" At our nod of agreement, Marcus inclined his head and floated to the door, opened it briefly, and disappeared into the room beyond.

Edward pulled me closer and I felt Jasper lean in to hear what Edward had to say.

"We just have to wait a little longer," he breathed into my ear. "I have seen most of what Marcus hopes will happen in the next few minutes. We just need to be patient...and as quiet as possible. Jasper...your skills will definitely be necessary. I'm sure you'll know when and what will be best to do. Bella, love...I need you to try your hardest not to focus on anything too deeply. You just don't have the control you need right now." At those words I felt a sense of uselessness come over me. Maybe I was more than useless. Maybe I could even be a hindrance to everyone's plans! I felt Jasper shift closer to me.

"Don't think that, Bella. You will be more useful than you know!" His whispered words encouraged me and I saw Edward glance sharply at his brother and then back to me.

"Bella...you are definitely needed here. Just wait and try to focus on...on...the paintings on the wall or the books on the shelves. Just for a few moments. You will have a part to play...never worry." His smile and hug were all I needed. Oh well, I had wanted a chance to look over those books and paintings.

Moving as silently as possible, I crossed to the nearest column of shelves and sat down on a cushioned stool in front of a row of beautifully bound books. After a swift examination, I saw that I could only read a few of the volumes. Many were written in Italian, others in languages that I didn't automatically recognize. Despite the loveliness and mystery of the tomes before me, though...I couldn't help but sneak peeks at Edward and Jasper and wonder what they were hearing from within the other room. Edward shot me a worried glance, though, and I quickly refocused on the books in front of me.

Moments passed as I patiently forced myself to read the titles that I could understand and even carefully remove a few of the books and glance at the pages within. The lovely illustrations made up for the fact that I didn't always have a clue what story or history was being discussed.

I was reading the captions of a novel that I had discovered that was surprisingly written in English, when Edward was suddenly at my side.

"Alright, love," he whispered softly in my ear. "This is what you need to know. Caius and Jane have arrived and Jane is terribly upset that Carlisle is in the room with them. Caius is, of course acting as though he is just as annoyed. But that's not what's important. What is is that Caius, despite his stated wish to not see Carlisle, is actually...reluctantly... quite happy to see his old friend after all these years. Jasper can tell that he is also extremely confused as to why he had refused to see Carlisle in the first place. It's made him question a lot of things. Such as why he's been fighting Aro so strongly these last few months." Edward's breath tickled my ear as he softly filled me in on the events transpiring next door. "Jasper has, of course, been busy pumping some pretty calming emotions toward Caius but it doesn't seem as though he really needs the help. With Alec not here, it seems that he is able to think more clearly anyway. This could be very interesting!" He smiled down at me briefly. "Jasper's ready to signal me, but I want you to listen in for the moment, alright?" I nodded and slowly moved across the room to stand near Jasper and the door. As I finally allowed myself to concentrate on the conversation taking place in the other room, the situation became more clear.

"It was high time you two...buried the hatchet, so to speak, Caius. I apologize for any subterfuge...but it seemed necessary in order to bring...peace back to our little family." Aro's vibrant voice lilted into the surrounding silence. "Come, brother...is it not a wonder to see young Carlisle again? After all, you two were always so close. Let us let bygones be bygones, eh?" I could hear the shuffling of feet and then Carlisle's clear voice.

"My dear friend...can you not forgive me for seeking a place of my own? I truly never intended my search for those who could feel the same as me to be any reflection upon our friendship. And I deeply regret not making more of an effort to bridge the gap that I unwittingly created." Carlisle's sincere words touched even my heart and I wasn't the one they were directed towards.

"Aro...you should have told me that you were...arranging things," Caius's words were censorous but not his tone. I glanced at Jasper who shot me a brief smile. Evidently the emotions coming from Caius were all that he could have hoped for. There was a slight pause and then a miracle! "I never thought to see you again...my old friend." I nearly gave our position away at the effect those simple words had on me. I could see the slow grin that spread across Jasper's face and turned to see Edward smiling into my eyes for a moment before a quite different emotion flitted across both his and Jasper's faces.

"My dear Caius...I knew you and Carlisle would have a splendid reunion...but I fear that the moment for such joy will have to be postponed." Aro's ringing voice took on a strange and slightly sinister note of sorrow. I remembered how he had looked when things were not going well last year and wondered if he had a similar expression on his face right now.

"Aro? I'm afraid I don't quite follow you." Caius sounded confused and also wary. He obviously knew his old companion all too well to think that Aro meant little or nothing by those words. A sense of foreboding spread through me as I imagined who else was listening to Aro's words and what she was capable of doing about it.

22. CONFRONTATION

Edward pulled me back against him and, almost silently, whispered in my ear.

"Alright, Bella. I'm going to need you to do something now. This may or may not even work...but I need you to concentrate on Jane for all you're worth. Do you understand? Focus on her and only her no matter what else you see or hear in the next few minutes. Everything hinges upon that, love!" His eyes pierced into mine as he turned to face me and see my reaction. So that was what he meant when he said I would definitely be needed. A chill passed through me as I remembered the last few times I had had the pleasure of Jane's company. I knew that I was not in any imminent danger from the small but incredibly powerful vampire...but that didn't mean that she didn't frighten me.

Forcing myself to not think about what dangers might await us, I looked away from the man I loved and back toward the door leading into Aro's chamber. Caius was still asking Aro what was going on. His voice was all I could hear accept for occasional shuffling of feet or clothing. I tried to imagine little Jane. Her eyes, her face....what she had looked like when we saw her just after the new born war. The expressions I had seen...what look might right this moment be on her tiny, seemingly innocent face. I thought about all these things as hard as I could, so that when more voices added themselves to the scene in the room beyond, they were almost deafening!

"I'm terribly sorry, my dear brother. Truly I am. I don't completely know how to begin," Aro paused as though searching for the right words. "My dear...perhaps you are now aware that you haven't been...your normal wonderful self lately?" His voice was at once tactful and ever so slightly amused. "I know that Marcus and I have both missed your wit and wisdom of late."

"You must be mistaken, Aro. Marcus? What can you mean? I know that I have had my differences with a few of Aro's decisions lately...but what is so...new....about that? We've always been free to have differing opinions without any...drama over it." Caius' voice held several different tones. I had to force myself not to become distracted and start analyzing the confusion and annoyance that seemed to permeate Caius' words.

"It is as Aro has said, my brother," Marcus softly and slowly stated. "For the past few months and more you have seemed more and more...upset with Aro and the way things are generally handled here at home and with regards to...others."

"Most notably, dearest, the issue of Carlisle and how he handles matters regarding his own family." Aro's choice of words seemed to make Caius pause for there was silence in the room beyond for several seconds.

"I meant no offense by my words or actions," Caius final stated very slowly as though considering each word carefully and thoughtfully...almost as if his mind was racing while he formed the words. I couldn't help wondering what thoughts were flitting through his mind and had to give myself a mental shake to get back to my assignment in all this.

"We haven't gotten to talk yet, Carlisle...but I do wish you to know that I was only thinking of the greater good of all our kind when I made certain...decisions....," his voice petered off oddly.

"Ah, Caius, my dear....We know that you are ever vigilant in insisting that all of our kind live up to the standards we have set. But even you must admit that your feelings with regards to our independent young Carlisle, here, have...rankled with you in the past." Aro's tone was slightly chiding. I could see that he was trying to get Caius to be honest with himself. The only way that Caius would be able to really see what had been happening was for him to humbly examine his thoughts and actions in the recent past...if that was indeed possible.

"I...I have perhaps been--harder--stricter--when certain issues have arisen. I....," again he paused.

"My dear...surely you must see that your normal way of...seeing clearly into a subject, your wisdom in how you look and deal with things...has been a tad...off, shall we say? You, who we have always relied upon to give the most logical, the most piercing counsel....you more than anyone must see that things have not been...right...for some time now." Aro carefully chose his words for the most effect and I would have loved to have seen Caius' reaction to them. There was an even longer stretch of silence.

"Aro...I don't know what to say to this," there was a pause. "I can't help but see the point you are so tactfully trying to make," Caius' flat voice grew steely and very grim. His tone indicated a growing anger...but upon whom would it be directed?

"Would you be so kind as to refresh my memory as to when you began to notice that things were, as you say, 'off'?" His voice was pure steel now; deadly and very focused. I tried to focus that much harder upon the slight guard within.

"Well, dearest, it seems to both myself and Marcus, here, that is was some time soon after Carlisle's children paid us that lovely and unexpected visit last year. You were most upset that the young human, Bella, now Carlisle's daughter, was not to be...dealt with immediately...as you might recall?" This was, of course a joke, as all vampires had photographic memories.

"I remember, Aro. And then?" Caius grimly asked.

"Ah, then, my dear...things seemed to...change. You seemed at first to accept that Carlisle's children would be allowed to go back to their home and that we would await events...knowing that our dear brother would not allow things to go too long without putting things aright. But soon thereafter, you seemed to change you mind." Aro paused and Marcus, surprisingly, took up the tale.

"You kept asking me, and later others, what we thought about letting Edward and Bella go. You seemed to become increasingly upset with the choice that had been made to allow her to live a while longer as a human. You expressed that you were unable to understand how any of Carlisle's children had been allowed to leave our fair city alive. Not long after that, you began to question even the simplest of decisions that Aro had made in the past and any that needed to be made in the present." Marcus spoke slowly and quietly...every word sinking deeply into all who listened.

Silence again reigned within the room beyond as Caius apparently strove to comprehend what he was hearing. What must it be like, I wondered, to hear your closest friends tell you things about yourself that you knew to be true...and yet not understand how you could ever have not seen them for yourself?

"Aro...Marcus....," Caius paused. "Carlisle...I don't know...I can't understand how I could have been so blind! I know..I can admit...that my anger at your departure could and did have a negative affect on my thoughts and feelings when your son Edward and the other two were here last year...but that I could then start to do what could only destroy our family in the long run? To question you like that, Aro...and to not do this privately! We've disagreed before, but we've always handled anything like that between ourselves...we've never spoken openly about such matters among the guard. But I did this...I know that I did. How is it possible!" His voice was increasingly angry and bewildered.

"Dear Caius! We have pondered over this issue at great length and we understand and even appreciate your confusion. We were ourselves quite confused for some time, weren't we, Marcus? But then the answer finally occurred to us. Once that was known, we made sure to invite young Carlisle here for a long overdo visit to help us...clear the air, so to speak."

"Carlisle? Why invite him into this? I mean no offense, my friend. You are one of us...despite your recent and....prolonged absence. That will never be an issue. But...you have been gone for some time. Long enough that whatever problem might be occurring here...it could not possibly concern you." Caius clearly seemed to be accepting Carlisle's presence but he was still very confused.

"Carlisle was needed, dearest, for the simple reason that after all this time you needed to see him again. You have allowed your sorrow over his absence to hurt you too much. You needed to speak with him, renewing your friendship...it seemed the only way that you would then be able to finally see that what we are now telling you is true. Things could not continue much longer as they were going. You must recognize that fact, Caius," he paused. "Now that you are more...open...to this discussion, could you please do all of us the favor of informing us on the topic of your recent thoughts....regarding our little family here?" Aro spoke these last words so softly that they seemed to slip beneath your skin; as delicate as a feather and as sharp as a razor-blade. Several seconds passed before the suddenly shocked voice of Caius broke the silence.

"Aro! I was...I can hardly bring myself to admit it!" Silence, then, "For the past few days, Aro, maybe more, I have been seriously considering....Aro, I've been considering that you are no longer the best person to help rule our family." Stunned silence followed as we all fought to deal with this confirmation of all we had begun to believe to be true. I had an intense struggle within myself to continue focusing on Jane once this admission had been made.

"Indeed?" Aro finally hissed softly. There was no surprise in his tone. Just intense, quiet anger. From everything I knew, this anger was not directed toward his misguided brother, but at the ones responsible for Caius' disloyal thoughts.

"It makes no sense... Aro...why? What is going on? There's more, old friend. I've been talking with others off and on about you...your decisions, your ideas. I've been so angry! Why?" Caius' voice was no longer angry so much as highly confused and even upset. It was as though he had regained memory after suffering amnesia. He could now recall thinking certain things but could find no logical reason for those thoughts. Still fighting to retain focus on Jane, I listened to Aro's reply.

"My dear, dear Caius. You are not the only one asking that question. Marcus and I have been pondering this one thought for some time. We have watched with much concern as you have drifted away from our close and long-standing association and we have worried greatly over why you would choose to do something so against your very well-known nature. We have lived with you too long to think that you, our dear and treasured friend, one who has been our brother for millennia, would ever take such steps as we have seen you take in the past few months." Aro's normally glib tone was quite obviously absent. A moment passed while Caius took in his brother's perceptions of the situation.

"I can only assume," Caius stated, surprising me with his calmness, "that as I am still alive...you have not seen fit to lay the blame for my recent thinking and actions at my own door. If that is so...who are you blaming? Who is behind this...and why?" Caius' reaction stunned me. I guess when you've lived that long and seen as much as they obviously have, it must be so much easier to see through to the truth of matters.

"How right you are, my dear!" Aro's jubilant tone was coming back...and for some reason that chilled me more than anything else.

"It never occurred to us that you were actually against Aro, Caius. As he has already said...we know you too well." Marcus' words quietly reaffirmed all that Aro had already stated.

"Then who is behind this. And why are we here?" It seemed that Caius had finally realized the greater significance of their unexpected and private meeting.

Edward's grip on my shoulder alerted me that I needed to focus a lot harder on my quarry. Letting the conversation within drift past me with much less attention, I did all that I could to wrap Jane in whatever static my untrained brain could generate.

It took all the self-control I had to not listen to the conversation that was continuing in the other room. I had to trust that Edward would fill me in on anything I was missing. It was terribly difficult, though, to keep my attention on someone who was not talking and I couldn't see. More than that, I was filled with doubts that anything I could do, either on purpose or due to my oddly-wired brain, could possibly prevail against the frightening creature within. Doubts, though, would not possibly help me now. Leaning my head silently against the wall, I closed my eyes and tried to block out everything accept the girl in the next room.

It felt as though hours had passed before I felt the hand on my shoulder tighten drastically and suddenly I was in a very different room facing an insanely furious Jane. My focus was nearly completely destroyed as I saw Carlisle, Aro, Marcus and Caius in obvious distress on the opposite side of the room. It only took a glance for me to see that something was different, though. The last time I had seen Jane in action, Edward had been writhing on the floor is agony. This time the victims of little Jane's wrath seemed to be in pain, yes, but not on nearly the same level as I had witnessed before.

Our entrance clearly infuriated the little monster. More than that, though. Once she saw me...it was as though no one else was in the room. She stared at me in shock; her tiny angelic face filled with disgust and, surprisingly enough---horror! She couldn't seem to take her eyes off me...and I knew that I had to keep her attention no matter what.

"You!" she shrieked at me. Everything happened so fast it was almost impossible to keep track. Jane screamed at me and lunged. I braced for the impact and then watched in a daze as she seemed to be flung back against the far wall. No...not flung. It was as though she was knocked back. She screamed again and the sound of her fury was as though glass was shattering all around me. Her screams filled the room...and then there was silence.

Stunned, I watched as Jane's tiny form seemed to crumple to the floor...her eyes glazed as the strangest look passed over her face. The only way I can describe it is to imagine what my own face must have looked like after Edward left me just days after my last human birthday. Shock...despair...agony of spirit that drowns a person; consumes them entirely.

Arms closed around me and I jerked around to see Edward staring down at me.

"It's okay, Bella!" He said, holding me close. I held him tightly for a moment before looking around the room. I was still in a daze...what had happened?

"Lovely! Quite brilliant, my dears! You see, Caius? We were right to wait and see how young Bella would develop. Absolutely wonderful! And Jasper? It is Jasper, correct? What an amazing ability! Little Jane seems quite...overcome." Now that I could see him, Aro seemed just as I remembered. Full of energy and easily entertained...but also so pale. His eyes glassy, clouded. And Caius...he just stood there, staring at the crumpled form of Jane across the room, his white hair no longer sleekly falling down his back, but tangeled and across his face. In fact, all of the Volturi, including Carlisle, were still not back to their usual calm selves. I watched as the strangest of expressions, a smile, crossed Marcus' face as he inclined his head in Jaspers direction. I looked up at Edward.

"What happened? I couldn't see anything. I was trying so hard to concentrate on her, Edward...," he interrupted me with a swift and unexpected kiss and then grinned down at me jubilantly.

"You did it, Bella! You kept her distracted just as I hoped you would."

"But the others? They were in pain! I saw it," he nodded his head.

"Some of her talent was leaking through, you're right. But nothing like what she was capable of. She knew that, but couldn't understand why. It made her try that much harder. I saw that if she was allowed to keep it up, it would be that much harder to resolve things. That's why I brought you into the room. Once she saw you...she didn't notice anything else. All her fury was directed solely at you...and there was nothing she could possibly do to you...not in the way she wanted to." I shook my head, remembering. Looking back at her strangely still form, I frowned.

"What happened to her, though? Why is she...," I waved in her direction and looked back at the others. It was Marcus who answered me.

"While you so conveniently distracted the little one, drawing her 'fire', so to speak, Jasper here was able to...help her feel things a bit more intensely. That proved quite...effective." His soft voice held an odd spark of humor. Once again I had to wonder why this ancient being seemed so enthralled with Jasper.

"While Edward was listening in on her thoughts, I was 'listening' for other things. Once I knew the correct combination...it was easy to help her recall the darkest and most powerful of her feelings." I wasn't used to hearing Jasper's voice sound so dark. Seeing what my brother was capable of was also quite disturbing...but I was tremendously thankful that he had been able to do whatever it was that he had done. Aro glided across the room and stood staring down at the pitiful form of the once powerful Jane.

"She had such potential...too much, I fear. Ah, well! Time always tells, they say. Jane and Alec...so powerful...such a loss." He shook his head sadly.

"I still need some answers, Aro," Caius stated flatly. He was still staring at Jane but the disbelief in his eyes had turned to bitterness, hate, and more subtly, disillusionment. I shuddered and glanced at Carlisle. He smiled so kindly that I found myself relaxing finally. Edwards arm around me was also a powerful shield against all the craziness that continued to fill the room. I had questions, too. But for the moment all was silent as the three ancient beings paused to consider how the destruction of the Volturi had been so nearly and unexpectedly averted.

23: NIGHTTIME PATRONS

A sense of extreme unreality flowed through me as hand-in-hand Edward and I wandered the alleyways and streets of Volterra. The absolute knowledge of what this would have felt like less than a year ago was almost mind-numbing. I remembered running through the Piazza dei Priori in such terror only one year ago. The panic I had felt, the racing of my now still heart....the feeling that at any moment my entire reason for existing would be swept away...and now this! Strolling through the city as though we owned the place...as though we did this every day. Amazing!

Edward had an odd smile on his face, too. I could tell that he was probably thinking along the same lines as me. Squeezing his hand, I caught his eye and stretched up to receive a brief kiss.

"Ah, Bella!" he sighed, smiling. "Life is strange, isn't it, love?" I smiled.

"Life sure is. This life and any other, I suppose. Ours is just a bit more intense than I'm used to yet." I admitted with a soft laugh. I was glad that Edward used the word 'life', though. I had wondered, off and on over the past few months, if he still felt that he had cheated me in some way. That he had taken my life. Hearing him muse like this helped me see that he had finally become reconciled to the life we lived...whatever the form it took.

It was a lovely evening. The famous Etruscan Guarnacci Museum was hosting some sort of art fair in honor of the renowned painter and sculptor Daniele Ricciarelli, better known as Daniele da Volterra. Earlier we had listened as Carlisle and Caius talked about the artist who was born in Volterra and studied under Michelangelo as well as other famous artists of his day. They had also answered the question I had had about who was the creator of the wonderful paintings I had admired earlier. Caius had looked a bit smug at that, and had called one of the guard to him and apparently made some request because within minutes another vampire, much older looking than the rest in terms of physical appearance, entered the room. We were then introduced to the one and only Daniele, or Daniel as he now called himself.

Stunned, Edward and I, along with our other siblings, asked question after question about the artist...how he came to join the Volturi, and why. He was a quiet man, slightly distracted. All his thoughts seemed to be on his next project. Apparently, over the years, he had created different pieces and had shown them under fake names just for the pleasure of a new audience's reaction. Having us all pummel him with questions and praise was obviously to his taste. According to Caius, who was now bizarrely more chatty than I could have ever imagined, he, Aro and Marcus had always admired the artist's work and had followed his career for many years when they got word that he had fallen ill and would most likely die soon. This was back in 1566. Although Carlisle looked a bit guilty as the story was told, it was apparent that he had been just as glad as anyone that Caius had gone to Rome and arranged for a second life for the brilliant artist. And here he had lived ever since, continuing to create fantastic works of art that few if any would ever see outside the Volturi stronghold.

Throughout the city, people were walking and talking....there were areas set aside to display the works of local artists and regional crafts. A mini-parade roamed the streets, as well, playing an assortment of unfamiliar yet quite entertaining songs and music. The air was filled with the smells of cooking and candies that would have not so long ago made my mouth water. It was a peaceful and easygoing city secretly ruled by the most powerful and sinister beings on the planet. The irony of that made my head spin.

And to be experiencing peace and calm after all that had so recently happened...that alone made this moment even more surreal.

Once Jane had been taken away and dealt with by Edward and Jasper, both Carlisle and Caius had disappeared for several hours, during which time the others had returned with Demetri to tell their tale of the final moments of Jane's little, but ambitious, brother. From the moment Esme had arrived without Carlisle, Alec had apparently suspected that something was wrong but had gone along with her story that Carlisle had already left for the parkland and that they would meet him there. When not Carlisle but the four others had met them instead, Alec had tried at first to use his little gift to subdue the group, realizing that he had fallen into a trap. Unfortunately for him, he was evidently too upset to focus his talent properly and Emmett had dealt with him within seconds. Both bodies had been burned far outside the city so that none of the other guards would know what happened. The story was now being passed along that the siblings had decided to leave the Volturi family and had left in the night. Whether or not this tale was fully believed was beside the point. No one would question a now united Volturi ruling body.

Caius had finally been informed of the entire plot whereby the two siblings had sought to use him as a means to destabilize the Volturi. Edward had been able to glean much from Jane before my confrontation with her. Both she and Alec had been planning on having Caius openly defy Aro in the upcoming months to at first cause a rift and then push the unknowing ancient into outright civil war with his two brothers. Their hope had been to allow Caius to fall and then be there to finish off the other two and make it appear that the three had killed each other with no outside help. That being done, they would have used their own skills and the fear these promoted to establish themselves as the new rulers of the Volturi. It had been a truly bold plan that so easily could have succeeded...if only Carlisle had not decided to do what he could to heal the long-standing breach between Caius and himself. Seeing Carlisle again had been the perfect key to unlocking Caius' powerful mind and allowing him to finally see the illogic in all his recent actions and feelings.

I had wondered for some time how a vampire like Caius, with no 'special' ability, could be a member of the ruling class of Volturi. Knowing that Carlisle had also been considered as such, and strangely enough still was, just deepened the mystery for me. Learning more about how Aro and the others perceived both Caius and Carlisle...as valuable members whose strength of character and personality was often more 'powerful' than any of the enhanced abilities possessed by the others...this had increased my appreciation for these self-appointed rulers. There was more to them than just mythic monsters. I knew that I would never be able to be fully comfortable around them...knowing that their view of humanity was as little more than surprisingly intelligent cattle. But despite this...I now respected them and could even see why Carlisle still viewed them as friends. Seeing the change in Caius since he and Carlisle had emerged from wherever they had disappeared to...that alone made the trip worthwhile. My memory of a harsh and cynical being, bent of harming both me and my loved ones would be more and more difficult to remember as time went by. Especially after seeing him laugh at some story he and Carlisle were recalling.

Esme seemed to be just as bemused by events as the rest of us. I had watched as she was introduced to Caius and had submitted to having her hand kissed by the white-haired ancient. Then Caius had sat with her for the longest time and had apparently asked tons of questions about her history and how she and Carlisle met and fell in love. He seemed genuinely pleased that his old dear friend had found love at last. He had also told her all sorts of tales about the Carlisle he had known back in her husband's younger years when he had first come to Italy and met the Volturi. Some of these, she later told me, she had heard before...but some were definitely new to her and she had obviously enjoyed learning more about the man she loved.

Aro had, not surprisingly, spent most of the evening chatting with Alice. Her ability to see the future still amazed him and he seemed bent on hearing how she dealt with her gift and what her thoughts and feelings were about her ability. His enthusiasm was fully restored now that peace once again reigned within his family.

But strangest of all had been watching Marcus once again maneuver things so that he and Jasper could talk privately. Early on I had seen the two of them conversing in a quiet corner and then later not been able to see where they had gone. Edward told me that Marcus had things he needed to discuss with our brother but he seemed disinclined to share with me what those 'things' were. Seeing Edward's slight frown I decided to drop it for the moment...there was so much more to think about and listen to.

Stories of Carlisle's past flowed into tales of the three original Volturi themselves...their adventures...some grim and gruesome...others simply intriguing. They had seen so much over such an enormous amount of time. Aro and the others had been in the vicinity of Volterra long before it held that name. What they could have told historians about the true history of the Etruscans and the events that had occurred in that region could have filled a library. I was left feeling that I had entered more than just a new physical life...but a new world..a new way of looking at time and history and the race that swarmed over this globe.

Edward led me over to some stalls that had been erected to display handmade jewelry and he grinned as I tried different colorful and unusual pieces on and the faces I made while doing so. Some of these were honestly quite beautiful but a little ornate for my taste. I looked around and saw that Alice and Jasper were similarly employed looking at an assortment of handwoven fabrics. Alice seemed to be asking her quiet husband his opinion when he suddenly smiled lovingly and abruptly picked her up and spun her around before kissing her soundly. I might have been wrong, but just for a moment I could have swore that Alice had looked surprised! The more I got to know Jasper, the more I admired and appreciated him. He deserved someone like Alice after all his terrible adventures early on in this 'life'. Knowing that she had always seen their life together...it just made their story, their love, that much more special to me.

The night progressed as we made our way past art display after art display...sculpture, paintings, jewelry designed by local and master craftsmen...troops of singers and small theatre groups performing short skits of comedies and dramas and musical parodies....it all painted a mental picture of a place that had once filled me with terror and now only with a strange and ironic peace.

Tables and chairs had been set up near the middle of the Piazza and Edward and I made our way there, joining Alice and Jasper. Watching the people flow past, I was reminded of a time, just a few days back, when several of us had sat and watched the people wind their way through the alleys of Venice. There were no canals...but the feeling was the same. The stories these walls could tell of the peoples and battles and changes that had swept through this town...! Everything changes, though...and stays the same. We had been silently observing the night crowds when I finally had to confront Jasper.

"What is going on with you and Marcus, Jasper? I can't take the suspense any longer!" I was grinning but I definitely meant it. Jasper smiled at my choice of words and seemed to consider what, if anything, to say. He paused so long that I began to wonder if he would ever tell us.

"As you know, Marcus is able to sense the bonds between people...the relationships...how they are connected...how strongly or loosely. Actually, he is in some way empathic...like myself. He feels what others feel...but only with regards to their connection with others. You told me, Edward, that when you were last here and also recently, Marcus was surprised by the intensity of the relationships in our family."

"That's right," Edward agreed with that slight frown that told me he wasn't able to simply read where Jasper was going. This time I didn't try to dampen down my interest...it would have been impossible. With a tiny smile I admitted to myself that it was nice for my wonderful husband to not be so omniscient for a change.

"His ability to see relationships is more than just knowledge of who likes who....it's much deeper than that. He feels what others feel about each other...for better or for worse. And it's pretty intense. I've felt what he feels when he uses that power. And to say that he has perfect control over it would be as much of a lie as if I said the same thing. There's control...and there's control. For me...I can choose to project an emotion...but I can't choose whether or not to feel what others feel, not completely....that's just not possible...or at least I haven't found it to be that way." Jasper shook his head, apparently recalling times when this had been a problem. I had always known that he could make a person calm down and supposedly many other emotions and feelings as well...but I had never really spent much time thinking about how the emotions of others affected him...other than that one time when he had told me his history. Thinking about that story I recalled how he had told me that constantly feeling the emotions of his victims had made his existence miserable and that it had finally led him to leave his family and seek a new life elsewhere...and that's how he had come to meet Alice.

"Marcus feels the bonds between all those who he comes in contact with....whether he wants to or not. This includes, of course, his victims." We all fell silent as this sank in. To feel your victims fear and anguish would be bad enough, I imagined. But what if you could also feel your victims despair at the loss of their loved ones as they watched them die a brutal and horrific death? I imagined how I would feel if I knew that anyone I loved was going to die...and in front of me...and there was nothing I could do! A person would gladly give their own life for that of their child or mate. The death of an individual is one thing---that of someone you loved is something else entirely!

"I have, of course, over the years, experienced similar emotions. When multiple individuals were brought in for a...meal...it was fairly normal that at least one person knew another. That connection alone would draw out...intense feelings...,"he paused. "But that's not my skill. I feel. I know the emotions of others. I can, if I try, sense the feelings one person might have for another....but that's not the same as Marcus. He feels their connection as though it's his own...he can't help it." I shuddered as I tried to imagine what Jasper was telling us.

"So, that's why he's so drawn to you?" Edwards asked, still with that slightly puzzled frown on his face.

"Yes...partially. You see...when the burden of all those emotions, the feelings of my victims, had gotten too much for me...I tried to find another way...even if I could never have imagined this life. I tried so hard not to give in to my thirst, not to kill as often at the very least. It was a terrible time for me but I did it because I was so...so tired of the misery that every meal, every kill, brought me. To know that the next time I had to feed I would have to pay for that meal with another bitter layer of guilt and despair...it was all too much for me." Alice snuggled up to Jasper at these words and he unselfconsciously wrapped his arms around her tiny form, resting his chin on her dark head for a moment.

"I found my...salvation...in this little sprite," he said lovingly, smiling down into Alice's glowing eyes. "And in the life she saw us living right now. Knowing that if I don't want to...I need never again feel the horror and misery that comes with a 'normal' meal...it's a weight off my soul!" He smiled briefly in Edward's direction. "I wouldn't trade it for anything!" He paused again, looking off into the distance.

"But Marcus...he's had no such salvation. Carlisle was the only one he ever saw that had made the choice we all have. Even seeing Carlisle successfully reject the 'normal' diet of our kind...he wasn't able to see that Carlisle's way could be the path to his own freedom. You see...he had always felt that what Carlisle did was a fluke...an amazing accident brought on by Carlisle's not having had human blood as his first meal...not having been raised to choose humans as his natural meal. He felt that Carlisle's choice would always be impossible for anyone who had lived as a normal vampire. Even last year, when you came for your visit, Edward, he still couldn't believe that our way could be a choice for someone who had lived as he had. So instead of ever trying to exist as Carlisle did--he simply became more and more...miserable, dejected...almost dead inside." Jasper's voice fell to a whisper with his last few words and I could tell that he was recalling how that ancient being had actually felt as he had spoken with him about these very things. We sat in silence filled with avid curiosity as we waited for Jasper to continue.

"Everything seems to have almost...exploded...inside of Marcus, though...once he met me." Jasper looked at each of us for a moment as he seemed to recall the feelings that Marcus had experienced when he first encountered my brother. "When we met...I felt him sense each of our relationships and felt his surprise at our strong connection to each other as a family. But when he focused on me...he apparently felt more than just my love for this little elf, here," he said hugging Alice tightly. "He also felt what she meant to me and the emotional 'why' behind all that. He could feel that I was not like the rest of you...that I had not always followed Carlisle's way. That I had apparently chosen to follow that way...after many, many long years of living the only way most vampires will ever know." What a blow to Marcus' view of life that must have been!

"That's...amazing!" Edward said finally, just a touch of awe in his beautiful voice. Jasper nodded.

"My ability to make that choice and the obvious happiness I've gained...even if it hasn't been, nor is it now...easy...It's really made him question things about himself. It's given him the first spark of hope he's ...really ...that he's ever had!" Jasper's voice held a note I had never heard in my normally quiet big brother. It held a kind of confidence that I suspected did not come naturally to him. He had a hard time with our life, having not always followed it. He had made mistakes since becoming a 'vegetarian'. From what he had just told us, those mistakes were simply additional weights on his already overburdened conscience. Having the ability to help another at least contemplate the choice he had made...to perhaps help remove from the human race one more incredibly lethal predator like himself...what an honor that must be for him! Finally, here was something that he could share that had a chance of benefiting another who had experienced the same grief and guilt he had...but for so much longer. Talking with Edward about it later in private, he confirmed the guesses I had made about how Jasper must feel to be able to help such a one as Marcus.

"Jasper's a deep one, Bella. A deep...soul, you might say," he smiled at me as we walked again around the Piazza. "This has been a great experience for him...I have a feeling that his days of making...mistakes...are practically, if not finally, over."

I hugged myself closer to Edward's side as we walked, thinking about all that had happened since we came to Italy. The worry and the planning. The schemes and fears that those plans might not fall through as we hoped. I thought, too of the quiet moments like this one...just being with the man I loved...that I was linked to for the rest of eternity. Walking through a city that held such an amazing and mostly unknown history...contemplating where Edward and I would go from here...imagining what we would be like one hundred years from now...a thousand years...I came to a stop and Edward pulled me into his arms, kissing me deeply and passionately. His fingers stroked my face softly as he gazed into my eyes. Glancing up at some point high above my head he grinned and pulled me around so that my back was against his chest as he whispered in my ear.

"Look up, love! See?" He raised one arm and pointed to a high balcony overlooking the Piazza. I stared as I realized what had attracted his attention. In the starry darkness of a beautiful spring night in an historic Italian city...history was repeating itself. I watched with a strange sense of timelessness as four figures looked down on the festival below. One had white hair, two had black...and there was another...a golden-haired man standing close to the white-haired one. They looked down and seemed pleased with what they saw...those nighttime patrons of the arts once again united in the ancient realm of the Volturi.

24. LOOSE ENDS

It was surreal to be flying home from Italy with Edward...again. Only a little over a year had passed since the first time we had made a similar journey. The fear I had felt during that flight...the overwhelming pain I'd experienced that each and every moment I had with the man I loved might very well be the last.... No matter how wonderful it had been to be with him, see him, touch him...it had been tainted with that fear. But now...here we were again. This time, however, the moments were mostly filled with relief and some concern for what waited for us back home.

It was also much quieter leaving Italy than the flight in had been. Rosalie and Emmett had decided to stay in Europe for a while. Emmett didn't think that he had gotten in enough skiing so they had gone back to their place in the Alps. I'd been surprised when, just before they left, Rosalie had approached me and let me know, in the most oddly casual of ways, that if Edward and I wanted to join them later, we had an open invitation. The small smile that had accompanied this showed that Rosalie knew how shocked I had to be. It was really going to take some time for me to get used to her trying to mend things and move on. But I truly did appreciate it. I'd told Edward of the invite and he'd been just as surprised but also just as appreciative.

"Depending on how long they plan on staying...we can definitely think about it," he's paused as the plane took off.

As the thrust from the plane pushed me back in my seat, I thought about Alice and Jasper. They too, had stayed behind...but not to ski.

Marcus had requested that they stay with him as his personal guests. He apparently had a private residence outside the city in the mountainous area to the north. From what Edward had told me, Marcus wanted to spend more time with the retired soldier and evidently hoped to at least try to put our lifestyle to the test. When we had all learned this, it had been an enormous shock. The very idea that one of the three main Volturi would ever even consider following in Carlisle's footsteps was almost too much to believe or even hope for. But Marcus was turning out to be a more complex and surprising individual than any of us could have imagined. And the effect this was having on Jasper was just as phenomenal.

From what I had seen and been told about my new quiet brother, he tended to be deeply saddened by his past and the lives he had taken. But he also felt intense frustration due to his having to constantly fight the urge to give in to his more bestial self. He despised that part of himself and hated even more that the others knew of and even sympathized with his problem. Many of them had had similar struggles but had over the years conquered them. Jasper still fought the urge every day...the deep desire for the taste of human blood warred with his wish to never again know the anguish of a life slipping slowly away into nothingness. But with his budding friendship with Marcus...he seemed reborn! Finally here was someone who had handed out death on a scale that Jasper would never be able to match. And this ancient being also felt the same remorse due to knowing the feelings, in some unique way, of his victims. Marcus' desire to try our lifestyle and his admiration for all that Jasper had already accomplished...served to bolster Jasper's sense of self-worth. The idea that he could help Marcus find a new path, the way that Alice and the Cullens had helped him...this gave him a hope just as strong as the hope he gave Marcus. This trip had indeed served many good purposes.

I looked out the window as we rose and smiled at the land receding below me. Italy had been a place I'd feared...dreaded. Now it was...what was it? I had to think about that. I couldn't say that it was another home, although Aro and the others had made it clear that they honestly hoped we'd all view it as such. No matter how much I'd grown to not fear and even to like a few of the ones we'd met, just knowing that human lives were lost there on a very regular basis...chilled me. Not with fear, but with deep sadness. I could now completely understand why Carlisle eventually had to leave. If he hadn't...it would have damaged his soul forever. As it was...I knew that he still viewed every life he saved as a tiny piece of debt repaid to the human race for all our kind did.

So, the flight home was not as crowed as before, what with four members of our family staying behind for one reason or another. And Carlisle had promised Caius that he and Esme would return within a couple of weeks. He would have stayed behind to continue his reunion had it not been for the loose ends waiting for us back home.

"After we get things handled...what do you want to do, love?" Edward asked softly, interrupting my thoughts. Looking up into his eyes I could see that he was trying to distract me from brooding over what we could no longer really ignore. I smiled knowingly up at him and turned to look back out the window. His fingers moved soothingly at the back of my neck and I relaxed back against him.

"That's nice," I murmured. Turning briefly I smiled up at him again. "You are very good at the whole distracting thing, Edward." He grinned and pulled me back against him.

"There's no use worrying about it right now. We have hours and hours before we're even back in Forks." I heard the words..but I was getting to know this man in ways I'd never thought possible. I could hear the concern in his voice and knew that he was thinking about the Lori issue just as much as I was. A small sound made me look around to see Carlisle walking down the aisle towards us.

"Lori will be handled...somehow. And no matter what the decision...I'm not too concerned," he stated as he sat down opposite us.

"How can you not be worried?" I asked. "She's been there for weeks...not knowing what in the world is going on or what's going to be done with her. She had a life, Carlisle!" I hadn't really allowed myself to think about Lori while we were in Italy. With the very real possibility that some if not all of us could be dead at the end of our last crisis, I had chosen to shelve this issue. But now the situation was clawing at my conscience!

"I know that, Bella," Carlisle stated calmly. Edward's arms wrapped more tightly around me as he sensed how upset I was becoming. "This is one of the many things that we all try to avoid and hoped you would never have to deal with. Lori had a life. Had. That life is over, now. There is absolutely no changing that or wishing it away, Bella," his last words were more intense as he saw me shaking my head in disbelief and anger. "I'm sorry. I don't know what will happen with her. I can only promise that...I will in no way allow her to come to harm. I know that Sam feels the same way. Her old life is gone---but that doesn't mean she can't make a new one for herself...somehow." Carlisle looked at Edward, deep concern etched on his marble face and rose from his seat. I felt Edward move as he turned to follow him.

"I just want to talk with Carlisle about a few things, love. Back in a moment." He kissed me lightly before following Carlisle to the other end of the small plane. I jumped slightly as a hand touched my shoulder. Looking up I saw Esme smiling down at me. She walked around and sat in the seat recently vacated by her husband.

"It's a great responsibility, dear. One that we have all had to deal with off and on over the years." Her gentle voice soothed my jangled nerves but did nothing to get rid of my sorrow for poor Lori.

"Edward told me that in the past there were times when people found out too much and had to be...to be...," I stopped and looked away. Esme leaned forward and squeezed my hand.

"That was a long time ago and under greatly different circumstances, Bella. Things sometimes spin out of control...it's no one's fault, really. It's just a part of the price we, and sometimes others, have to pay for what we've become." She paused as though considering. "A few years after I had joined Carlisle and Edward, we were living in Maine. Carlisle was working at a small local hospital and Edward was studying law. I was new to this life. I didn't go out much and usually only with Carlisle or Edward to help me...just in case." She paused again. "One day I was...I don't know...I guess I was bored...upset with being stuck in the house with nothing to do and tired of staying by myself. I didn't have the control yet to be around humans all day so I had to wait for my family to come home. Carlisle had already left for the hospital so Edward offered to stay with me...keep me company, but I insisted that he go to school," she smiled. "Always the mom, right? Anyway," she sighed, "we had a house outside of town, overlooking the sea. It was beautiful. I decided to go outside and watch the waves hitting the cliff below the house. It was something I did regularly. It was so soothing. I had been out there for some time...when it hit me." She turned to stare into my eyes and I knew what she meant. The smell of human blood...a smell that would have been overpowering to a new vampire, unless they were me, of course.

"Esme?" She looked away. I knew from things the others had said at different times that only Carlisle and Rosalie had never had human blood as food before. Poor Esme!

"He was a fisherman," she stated softly, turning to look out the window as I had done before. "He had evidently come to shore a ways down the beach and had been walking back. We later found his boat. It was damaged somehow and he's been stranded. He was just trying to get home." She stopped for a moment and closed her eyes. After a second she opened them and gave herself a little shake. She smiled slightly and I could tell that she was closing off her feelings about what had happened...or at least trying to.

"Edward found me. He evidently thought that I was in no shape to stay home alone despite my protests and had come home early. He was very...understanding...and helped me clean up the problem I'd caused. But there was more trouble to come." I looked in her eyes and saw a flash of such sadness it shocked me. "No matter how we may be able to deal with...the occasional lapse, what happened next is not something we...I ...can ever look at, deal with easily."

"What happened, Esme?" I asked softly. I could tell that simply recalling these events was terribly upsetting to her. It took her a moment to continue.

"I didn't know...Edward realized after it was too late. The sun had come out and we were burying the remains under the cliff when a man came running up the beach toward us. The fisherman had not been alone, Bella. " She looked at me sorrowfully.

"Oh no!" I whispered.

"Yes." She was silent for a moment. "Worse than that...he had seen everything. My attack and Edward and I burying his friend...in the sunlight. He was terrified but angry. So angry!" She whispered. "He had an oar in his hands as he ran...obviously he intended to avenge his friend. When he saw our skin and the blood on my face...he stopped running. He fell down at first and screamed and then he started to run away. Edward caught him, of course." She stopped at the look on my face.

"Edward...?" I whispered, my voice no more than a thread of breath. Esme leaned forward again and laid her hand gently on mine.

"No, dear. I have no doubt that he would have...it's what would have had to have happened in that case...I can't imagine what else could have been done."

"Then...what?"

"We were not called upon to do anything...fortunately or unfortunately...as it turned out. The poor man had a heart attack. He collapsed in Edward's arms and we buried him with his friend." She fell silent at that. Thinking about that tragic story, it occurred to me that there were probably other incidents that had not ended so...well...that she was not telling me.. But her point was made. The consequences of others knowing about us...it couldn't be allowed. Not now...maybe in some far future...but not now. And if Lori could live and know about us and still have some sort of life...wasn't that better than no life at all? It had to be.

Edward was suddenly at my side and he slid into the seat next to me, pulling me into his arms.

"Don't worry, love. I feel for Lori, too. We all do. But this is no one's fault and it will be handled in the best way possible." His voice held a note of such optimism that I would have believed that Alice had shown what was to come...if I didn't know that the wolves were completely involved so there was no way that could be.

"How can you be so sure, Edward?"

"Carlisle just informed me that he's been in contact with Sam. It seems that things have been going quite well back at the reservation. Lori seems to be fitting in rather nicely, despite not knowing the whole truth about everything that's been going on."

"You mean they haven't told her anything? Why not? Doesn't she deserve the truth, Edward? After all...!" I was cut off by a quick kiss and a smile.

"Of course, love! Of course! But the treaty still stands. Sam could no more tell Lori about us than he could tell anyone else. It doesn't matter what she saw and what seeing that has caused. Because of the treaty, Sam and the others are not at liberty to reveal anything without our permission."

I thought about that for a moment.

"Will we be giving them that permission or telling her ourselves? I can't imagine just letting her spend the rest of her completely disrupted life in the dark as to why this has all happened to her." Just to think of doing that made me ill. Edward squeezed my shoulders and laughed softly in my ear.

"Of course," he repeated. "She will be told what is best for her to know. How much and in what way she will be told...that's really up to Carlisle and I think he wants to consult Sam before making any permanent decisions. Sam has told him that Lori seems happy...even content, which is a miracle if you ask me! What happens next...we need to really think about what's best for Lori. Will she be able to handle the whole truth or would a partial truth be better for her in the long run? It's a lot to consider, Bella." I thought about my impression of the girl when I last saw her. How strong she seemed. She had been afraid...but not hysterical by any means. There was a strength in her that I had admired almost immediately. I'd be very surprised if the whole truth overwhelmed her. I had a feeling that there was very little that Lori couldn't handle.

"So," I began after several moments of silence during which Esme had rejoined Carlisle near the front of the cabin. "Are we expected? Are we going back to the house or straight to the reservation, or what?"

"Carlisle plans on contacting Sam again once we're on the ground. Apparently when he tried to call him a little earlier he was told that Sam and the pack had gone off to handle something and would be back around the time our flight arrives in Seattle. Then we'll hopefully find out what Sam thinks about telling Lori. I wonder, though...," he paused.

"What?"

"Well," he began again, shifting to look me more directly in the eyes, "Lori is a problem solver. I could see that in her mind. She thinks about everything before making decisions...that's why Alice could see her coming. On top of that, she was raised by an FBI father and grandfather. She's very intelligent, Bella. Someone like that...I would not be at all surprised if she hasn't discovered, to some degree, what's been going on...in fact, I'd be surprised if she hadn't!"

I thought about that and my own feelings about the unfortunate adventurer we had left with the wolves. Edward was right. Anyone who could find a way to track us down the way she had, over the distance she had...I would put good money on her knowing a lot more about things than Sam realized. Just exactly what she may have discovered or whether or not she believed any of it...that was yet to be known.

25. REVELATIONS

The plane landed and we were busy for some time transferring our luggage under the ignorant eyes of the pilot and flight crew. Doing things slowly had at first been annoying to me but I now viewed opportunities like this as training. I still had problems at times doing things in such a way that did not result in disaster! One of the seats in the plane no longer had a armrest thanks to me. I'd left Edward to find some way to explain that one to the crew.

Driving back to Forks in the gloom of a cloudy sky, I thought about my family...my old real family...again. Renee and Charlie still thought I was at school. What was I going to do about that? And what about school? I knew that Dartmouth was waiting for us and there was a part of me that was starting to get excited about the idea of college. Edward and the others were so far ahead of me in the education department. I was no dummy, of course...but my 18-plus years was no match for a perfect memory and the 50-odd years of experience and education that most of my new family had, not to mention Carlisle. Summer was fast approaching, though. Would we go ahead and start school then...or wait until fall? Edward and I had a lot to talk over once things got settled. Of course, that thought brought back my nervousness as to what in the world we were going to do with Lori. What would Sam and Carlisle agree to tell her? What might she already know?

I couldn't help but listen in as Carlisle discussed this very issue with Sam on his cell phone. Apparently Sam had already informed Lori that we would be there soon, so that ended any discussion of whether or not we would go home first. Perhaps it was better this way, though. I was already more nervous, in some ways, than I had been before confronting Jane! It wasn't going to get better by putting it off. I kept thinking about how Carlisle had told us that Lori seemed to be doing so well. How much of that was an act? How could she not feel like a prisoner? Or had she convinced herself that once we came back...there was a good chance she would get to leave...go back to her old life? That we might just believe that she'd never tell anyone about us? The problem wasn't one of trust though...I understood that, finally. People can truly and honestly believe that they would never betray a trust, a secret. But humans being humans...it wasn't always that easy.

"So are we just going to drive to the rez? We can do that now?" I had to ask because it seemed so strange that the Cullen's now had such a...calm...relationship with those who had always feared and hated them.

"Ever since the newborn incident, things have gotten progressively better with the wolves," Carlisle replied. "Sam's offer to devise a new and more flexible treaty is a perfect example. But even before that...when Jacob was hurt...we were allowed to come on the reservation and help with his healing. Since then, Sam has made sure that it is known that we are no longer the...well, the enemy we were once thought to be. I'm not sure that the entire tribal council agrees...but Sam is their chief...and that means he has the say. I just hope that this situation doesn't cause any more problems for him. His desire to alter the treaty is going to bring him under enough fire as it is."

Sam did have his work cut out for him. Several of the wolves, such as Seth, might be okay with a new treaty, but I had a feeling that not every wolf thought the same as he did about us. One in particular, Leah, came to mind. I thought about how she apparently viewed us or did when I last saw her. How was she going to react to the idea of the Cullen's as the Packs new best friends? I found it hard to believe that she'd have no opinion about that.

We rounded the bend and came out of the trees and into the heart of the reservation. So many memories came flashing through my brain. Riding motorcycles with Jacob. Meeting Emily for the first time. Hanging out with the Pack when Edward was gone and my life had seemed so empty. Hiding on the Rez while the others sought to track down Victoria. Hearing the stories of these people around a fire at night and wondering if history was going to repeat itself. It wasn't that this place had done anything wrong or that terrible things had happened to me here. But the sad truth of it was that every memory I had of this place was connected in some way to either the loss of the man I loved...or thinking I could be hurting him by being here. I also couldn't help but associate the most recent times I had come here with the most selfish and callous moments of my human life...and I never wanted to even think about being that kind of person again.

Edward squeezed my hand reminding me that he probably had some clue about my feelings and hoped I wasn't too upset to be here. I smiled up at him and shook my head. I hadn't had a chance to talk with him about how I now perceived my old friendship with Jacob and I knew that I needed to do that eventually. It would be good for Edward to know, once and for all, that there was not now even the tiniest spark of the puppy love I had held for Jacob. It was strange to recall that I had ever felt more than that for him on some strange level. And I still did love the guy---only now the way I should have always felt: as a friend and nothing more. I could only hope that one day...we could find our way back to the friendship we had had at first. If there was any possibility of that happening, I knew I had to try.

"Sam asked us to meet him at his house," Carlisle informed us. "Lori has been staying there and he feels that she'll be more comfortable meeting there."

We drove on for a few minutes before pulling up to the house. Edward frowned slightly.

"Sam and Lori have company, Carlisle. The entire Pack's in there." He didn't seem pleased by this but he also didn't seem too concerned. Carlisle shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. I have every confidence in Sam. He knows what he's doing." The car pulled to a stop and we all got out. The front door opened and Seth raced out to greet us. He seemed a bit disappointed that Emmett wasn't going to be joining us but looked glad to be able to talk with Edward again.

"How was Italy?" he asked eagerly. His smile was so refreshing. Here as a person who did not take life too seriously and was determined not to let any old issues mess up his chosen friendships.

"Italy was great, Seth," Edward answered. "Emmett told me to let you know that whenever you want to go skiing, he's got a ticket for you."

"What? Really?" Seth looked as though he was going to bust, but in a second he was looking over his shoulder and smiling ruefully.

"You guys had better come on in. The others are waiting." He got closer to Edward though and said, "We'll talk later!" With a grin he raced up the porch and opened the door for us.

The small living room was packed and overflowed into the kitchen. They all stood around staring at us. Some with nervous stares and others, namely Leah, with animosity. Several, though, seemed more curious than anything else. To one side was a love seat and on it sat Emily and Lori. Emily looked as serene as ever. As I caught her eye, I saw the look of surprise and shock...but then she seemed to get past it and she smiled kindly at me. I returned her smile gratefully. I had wondered what her reaction to the new me would be. But I also had to remember that to a normal human...I only looked a little different: a little paler, perhaps a little more defined...and then, of course, there was my eyes. As I looked around the room again I could tell that the wolves could see the greater changes in me and that they were each trying to decide how they felt about that. Fortunately I could tell that, for the most part, they all seemed to be taking their cue from Sam's reaction and he had already decided that my choice to join the Cullen's was simply that: my choice.

My quick survey of the room and the reactions of those in it had taken only seconds. In all that time I had avoided making eye contact with only one person in the room...Lori. Now I looked at her and tried to see how she was doing. Did she hate us? Did she know the truth about us? Could she have discovered it on her own? And how did she really feel about having been made a prisoner here for almost a month?

As her eyes met mine, I could see her curiosity...but not fear. I was glad that that emotion was gone. She still looked wary, though, and I guess that was to be expected. Movement in the room caused me to look over to where Sam and Carlisle now stood. Sam waved at the Pack and they all moved back into the kitchen area leaving the sofa and chairs in the living room free. Edward lead me over and we sat down with Esme. Sam and Carlisle remained standing.

"Lori, as you know, the Cullen's have been out of the country. They just returned...as they said they would." Sam broke the silence. I could tell that he was desperately trying to say the right things and worried that he might fail. I looked at Emily and Sam and could tell that during our absence, they must have gotten to know and like Lori a lot. That was wonderful...but also surprising. It would not have been strange for Lori to have resented every second she was forced to stay there. Instead I saw that Lori was holding Emily's hand and I could see that several of the guys looked concerned for her, too. Emily seemed to want to make things more normal.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Esme. I knew that Carlisle was married and wished that you could have come out the the house the last time he came." Esme's eyes widened a fraction and then her lovely smile joined that of Emily's. Here were too truly similar souls. Mothers of those they loved...gentle and kind. Watching them share that smile, I had a feeling that one more friendship had been created. Lori was watching those smiles too and I could see some of her tension ease.

"I'm so glad to meet you, too! We definitely need to get together soon." Esme smiled again at the startled looked that passed between a few of the guys. Good, I thought. That old treaty had caused enough problems as it was by keeping suspicion and paranoia alive a well for too many years. It was time that some olive branches got extended and excepted! Sam watched all this and seemed to see that a sense of normality was a good thing to bring to the situation.

"I hope all went well in Italy, Carlisle?" he asked suddenly. I knew from the ride here that Carlisle had already informed him of the good results we had had in Volterra. Carlisle simply nodded as though this was the first time they had spoken. His next words shocked me though.

"Yes...we got there in time to help the Volturi and make sure there was no unfortunate change in regime. That would have been disastrous." I stared at Carlisle and could see the wolves doing the same. What was he up to?

"So...was your suspicion correct about your old friend...Caius?" Sam asked as though they were great friends passing the time. I watched as Carlisle nodded again.

"Unfortunately, yes. Two younger members of the Guard were attempting to overthrow the ruling body. It's sobering to realize that they very well could have succeeded!" Sam shook his head.

"I don't pretend to know the entire situation, Carlisle, but I'm sure you and your family did what was best. I'm glad you feel that things are better."

"They are...which is why we were able to get back as soon as we have. Esme and I will be returning soon, though. It seems my absence from Volterra played a large part in creating the perfect situation for an attempted coup." Sam frowned momentarily.

"You're leaving again? For how long?"

"Only for a few weeks...nothing permanent. I still have my position at the hospital and we were planning on staying in the area for another five to ten years. After that...well, we'll have to move on for a time. I do hope that perhaps we can return. This area has been a home to us for so long. Maybe in another sixty or so years...we'll see." These last words were a shock not only to me but to Lori. Throughout the conversation I could see that she was trying to understand just exactly what was going on. All the talk about the Volturi had confused her but this! Talking about returning in sixty years? What was Carlisle thinking. Edward must have sensed my concern from the tension in my body for his arm tightened around me and he smiled into my eyes. That smile calmed me. I knew that smile. It meant that he felt things were going just fine. Oh well, then. I would just have to see where all this was leading.

"That's good to know. I hope that you and Esme can come over for an evening before you leave. I have many things I'd like to discuss with you and I see that our wives would like a chance to get to know each other, too." He smiled over at Emily and she nodded in return. Sam then looked once more in Lori's direction.

"Carlisle, I've thought long and hard about this situation. I trust your judgement on this and whatever you want to say here...I will accept. You should know that we have all grown quite fond of Lori and have truly enjoyed her stay with us." He turned to Lori as he said this. "Lori, I know that you have been frustrated that we haven't been able to tell you what you needed to know in order to truly understand why we have kept you here. As I told you before...it was not my story to tell. You've told me that you can see the obvious...that we here," he waved his hand around the room, "are not the same as the Cullen's," there was an odd cough from the direction of the kitchen. "And you've told me that you also feel that we here are not exactly like the rest of the members of our Nation. You're right on both counts." He turned back to Carlisle.

"I've told you that I think that Lori will be able to handle the truth. She already knows more that enough, as it is. Too much to worry that more knowledge could do any more harm. But, as I said, I will follow your lead in this." Those words seemed to shock a few in his Pack...I knew that they shocked me!

"Thank you, Sam. I really do appreciate it. Lori...Sam has told me that you have done well here. Is that true?" Asking her a question all of a sudden like that...I knew he was trying to draw her into the conversation. Letting her see that we all did care about what had happened to her and how she must feel. We all waited to see if Lori would speak..she hadn't been able to the last time we saw her.

"I've been...fine, Dr. Cullen," she stated formally. She had a nice voice, deeper than mine...firmer.

"Please, call me Carlisle! I'm glad to hear that. We've all been greatly concerned about your welfare. We only wish that we could have talked with you more before we left. As you just heard...we had some business to attend to in Italy." Lori surprised us by interrupting.

"I heard the words, Dr...I mean, Carlisle. But I have to admit...I haven't the faintest idea what you were talking about."

"Oh, I think you have an idea, Lori...at least an idea!" Edward surprised us all by joining the conversation. I looked up to see him smiling across at Lori who was staring at him strangely but without fear.

"You're Edward, right?" She asked. I watched as she sat up a little straighter on the couch and looked Edward directly in the eye.

"Correct."

"Okay, then... I do have an idea. Perhaps my facts are a bit fuzzy. I've been having to piece things together from a lot of very different sources and conversations. But here's what I have so far." This girl was blowing my mind! If this was what happened when a person was raised by the FBI--I was definitely impressed.

"You and the rest of the...Cullen's are...different. Different in a way that sometimes scares these guys here," she waved at the group crammed into the kitchen. Their expressions ranged from astonishment to curiosity. "You are fast...faster than a normal human could ever be. And you glitter in the sunlight. But that's just where I started. I know that you rarely if ever go out in the sunlight...you avoid it like the plague. And you don't eat. Not normal food...not like these guys. And you're strong...very, very strong. I also heard a name: Cold Ones." If nothing else had shocked our group...this sure did. How had she managed to piece this all together? Or had someone accidentally or maybe even deliberately let the cat out of the bag.

"What do you know about the Cold Ones, Lori?" Carlisle asked, quietly. Lori looked at him seriously for a moment.

"I know part of the legends about them and the Quileute. The stories don't actually say...but I've heard enough to realize that they refer to...other legends." She paused and for the first time seemed a bit uncertain. Edward leaned forward smiling gently.

"It's alright, Lori. You are correct. We are what you think we are...although how you managed to figure it all out here when I know you didn't have access to all the information...at least not in any normal or easy way....it's amazing." Lori looked at him and the shock that spread across her face made me smile. So...she thought she knew the answers...but that didn't make them easy to believe, did they?

Sam looked upset and turned to speak to Carlisle.

"I assure you, Carlisle...I didn't tell her a thing! I can't imagine how..." Edward interrupted.

"Don't worry about it, Sam. She's a smart one! No one person told her anything. She's managed to pick up...clues...from a wide variety of sources. I think...Claire, is it? That little one's been a fountain of information for our young agent here." I saw Quil frown and look over at Lori and Emily. Emily grinned. I had the feeling that Sam's wife had made sure that Lori was in the right place at the right time to hear what she needed to hear. But to know what Lori evidently did and to be so calm? That was the amazing part. And I didn't think it was an act.

"Lori...I'm glad you know what you do...and all of us are free and willing to tell you anything else you wish to know, now...isn't that right, Sam?" The other man nodded. So now she could learn anything she didn't already know about the tribe, too! What a day! "This makes things, hopefully, a lot easier." Carlisle's voice grew quieter and slightly more grim. I saw Lori frown again as she grew more tense, waiting to see what would happen next.

"Knowing what you do...what do you think must happen here, Lori?" Carlisle left the reasoning to Lori...she seemed able to see through to the truth in other situations. Would she see what had to be done in this one?

We all watched as Lori looked around the room. Such a mixture of emotions flitted across her face that it was hard to tell exactly what she felt. Finally, she took a large breath and slowly let it out.

"Under these circumstances...I can't imagine how you could ever let me leave...at least...not alive," she stated quietly.

I heard a gasp from Esme.

"No, dear! You must not think that way. You are in no danger here, I assure you!" Esme's gentle voice was added to by Emily's as her arm went around the girl next to her.

"You're safe here. No one is going to let anything happen to you...I promise," she stated firmly. The others in the room nodded and I could tell that Esme's words had pleased Sam, too.

"You're right, Lori," he said. "I'm afraid that to let you leave would be unthinkable! You know too much...more than we thought you did. But we also could never harm you."

"So---am I a prisoner then?" Her words were bitter, but oddly enough, her tone wasn't. I could swear that I heard a note of relief in there, too. Why should she feel that way?

"Not a prisoner, Lori! No...," He stopped as Edward suddenly got to his feet and raced to the window. I looked around and saw amazed expressions on the other guys faces. Seth shouted and took off out the front door. Edward stalked back to me looking worried and grim.

"Bella...I think we need to...," he stopped as Carlisle shook his head.

"It's too late, Edward," he said softly. In confusion I looked around the room and caught Lori's eye. She looked startled and a little more nervous than before. In fact... she seemed scared. What was going on? I saw her reach down as though her leg itched...why was I noticing that?

The door opened again and Seth ran back in. He was smiling. Some part of me knew that...so why was Edward so nervous. Nothing would bother me as long as he looked calm...but he was clearly upset! What was going on? And then, suddenly, I knew.

Jacob walked into the room and I couldn't help but back up...away from what I was seeing. He looked at me and froze. His eyes...they seemed to blaze. In fury or joy I couldn't tell. I took another step back and felt Edward's hands grip my shoulders tightly. Then the person before me seemed to lunge!

Several things happened at once. I heard him say my name and the joy in it was such a relief! Almost instantly I heard something else...a loud bang. And then it hit me...the smell of fresh blood. I heard my name again...this time on Edward's lips...as the nausea hit me. It was so unexpected! The pain wrenched at me...my eyes lost focus...I heard my name again...and then...blackness.

ooooooo

Slowly, it seemed that light returned to my world. I could see and hear again. But what was I hearing? It sounded like loud voices. Arguing? Maybe not. I instinctively knew that I'd only swooned for a few moments. Annoyance swept through me, though. I'd thought I had moved past fainting at the smell of blood. I'd been around the wolves twice now and hadn't felt any real urge to even run away! But the smell of his blood! Fresh and warm...just thinking about it nearly made the pain I dreaded return. Thankfully, I couldn't seem it smell it anymore. Then the thought of who I'd seen...whose blood I'd smelled. Jacob!

I sat up quickly and realized that I was lying on the sofa we had so recently vacated. Edward was standing over me and the relief on his face spoke volumes the moment he saw that I was awake.

"I wasn't out that long, Edward," I said, the frustration I felt creeping into my voice. I loved him but it did sometimes get to me how overly protective that man could be.

"I know that, Bella...it's just that...it was so unexpected." He sounded as frustrated as I felt. Despite my annoyance, I could see the love and concern in his eyes and that melted the remaining irritation away. Now I was only left with curiousity. Jacob had been here. Where was he? How was he?

"Jacob?" I asked Edward softly. Edward smiled oddly and seemed to consider his words.

"Do you remember that loud bang?" I nodded. "That was Lori's gun. Yep...she's had a gun this whole time, apparently. Strapped to her ankle of all places!"

"A gun!" I thought about that for a moment. Then another thought hit me. "Is Jacob alright?" I sat up straighter and tried to look around. The smell of the wolves was so overpopwering it was hard to distingush one from the other. Edward leaned down and grabbed my hand, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"He's fine, Bella. You know how they heal!" He smiled down at me and I could tell that he was excited and...amused about something.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked, still trying to look around. Edward surprised me then by laughing softly. Leaning down, he whispered in my ear.

"He's over there," pointing in the direction of the front window. "But don' t get all excited about any reunion just yet, love. I think young Jacob is a tad bit distracted at the moment." I looked up at him, completely puzzled by not only his words but how he was acting. Edward pulled me around and past a few others, members of the Pack, and then I saw what had Edward so amused and even...happy. Watching... I couldn't help be be filled with awe. Grinning, I saw that this was all I could have ever hoped for and what Jacob had stubbornly fought against for so long.

It was a miracle! The confused and worried expression on Lori's face was no match for the sheer look of wonder on Jacob's! It was as though all the hurt and pain, and...hardness...that I'd hated seeing in 'my Jacob' just...melted away. The entire room remained silent as there, in the light of a cloudy Spring day, we all witnessed my old best friend, the man who had been my rock and my sun in the darkest moments of my life, fall in love...completely and without even one complaint. He'd finally found his one and only...his true...soul mate.

26. HOME

Driving home was a completely different experience than that high speed roadtrip back to Forks a few months earlier. The mystery of what we were going to have to deal with had haunted us then...not to mention the fact that there were three of us. This time it was just Edward and me. We didn't rush anything...we took our time. Seeing the sites with Edward was always wonderful. Knowing that at journey's end we would be back where we both wanted to be--that made it even more special.

And we had so much to talk about and think about on the way. Leaving Forks this time had been almost as monumental as when we left for our honeymoon. Maybe even more so, what with the issue of the new treaty, plans for the future and, overshadowing everything else, there was Jacob and Lori to consider.

I still couldn't quite wrap my brain around all that had occurred in the last few weeks. So much had happened and so much had been decided.

Jacob and I had finally gotten to talk alone...something I had longed for and dreaded at the same time...since even before the wedding. I was so happy now in my new life...that was all I ever wanted for my best friend...to find that level of happiness. But how could any of us have imagined that things would have worked out the way they did?

A few days after the incident at Sam's house, I managed to get with Jacob and we walked down the cloud-covered La Push beach like old times. Well, almost. I knew that I looked different to him, now, and I felt different to him, too. But...amazingly...there was no awkwardness, no pain in his eyes or my heart. It had taken us awhile, though, to actually talk about everything.

"So...you're alright?" He asked gruffly. "I worried...I was really scared, Bella...for you. You know how scared I was that...things...wouldn't work out for you...that...he wouldn't be able to, you know...?" His eyes seemed to dance over me as though he was seeing so much more than I would have thought possible. I remembered our conversation the last time I had seen him. He had been so concerned that Edward would not be able to stop when he changed me; that I would die. He always cared so much. I smiled up at him.

"I'm fine...but it took some time." I grimaced thinking about all that I had been through to be able to stand here talking with him. "Things didn't work out quite the way we planned...but they did work out." Jacob frowned slightly.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked quietly. I shook my head.

"Maybe later. Anyway, Sam knows some of it so I'm sure you will, too. And, obviously Lori knows a lot." I grinned up at him again as just the mention of her name seemed to cause him to light up inside. He saw my expression and laughed. It was the laugh I had missed for so long, too. This was 'my Jacob'...my friend from before...before things had gotten so complicated and painful. I looked more closely at him, now. When he had first walked into the room at Sam's, I had seen such weariness in his face. It was as though he had traveled so far for so long...and alone. When he had seen me that first time...he had lit up! I was so surprised and grateful to see him happy. Happy to see me the way I now was. That was a miracle I had almost stopped hoping for. The idea that I could change and we could somehow still be friends...that the wolves would graciously let me have my way in this...see that it was my choice and not something evil that was being done to me against my will. I had already seen that Sam could and would accept me. But Jacob? That had seemed too much to ask for. And now, here we both were...walking on a misty beach...together.

And to see Jacob like this again. He was the Jacob I had known and loved. My friend who had been there for me in my darkest hour. The cockiness...the arrogance I had hated seeing in him after he had changed...it was gone! He seemed...healed. As though all the pain and hate that had infected him had been stripped away. I knew there was only one reason for this.

"Lori seems...amazing," I ventured, wondering if he would satisfy my curiosity about the astounding girl who had not only discovered our secret, tracked us home....but had somehow been the one and only one who could bring happiness to my dearest friend. Jacob smiled softly then caught my eye and grinned.

"She is...isn't she?" He said this so softly that I probably wouldn't have heard him normally.

"So--imprinting? How does that feel to you now? I know that you told me that you didn't think it could happen...so...?" I was digging but I wanted to know. He shrugged and looked away for a moment.

"I can't explain it, Bella. It just...happened! I saw her and....," he trailed off.

"Gravity moved?" Remembering him telling me what had happened with the others.

"Yeah...," he laughed softly. "It's crazy. I know what I used to think...and how I used to feel...about a lot of things." He glanced sheepishly at me for a moment. "But now... I can't explain it. I just know that I need to be with her...however she needs me, in whatever way." I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable about talking to me like this so I relented.

"Jacob...you have been my very best friend. You know that. All I can say is how incredibly happy I am that you've finally found someone that...fits. The one who you need to be with...and who seems to need to be with you, too. I hope you know that, Jacob." I reached out cautiously and gripped his arm. He looked startled for a moment. I could only imagine how cold and different I must feel to him now. He certainly seemed different to me. So hot to the touch and with an incredibly pungent animal smell that was definitely not pleasant. I smiled briefly as I recalled how Edward had reacted to Jacob's smell on me almost a year ago. Now I completely understood! Jacob recovered quickly, though, and smiled as he laid his hand over mine.

"Sure, sure," he said with a grin. He looked away for a moment before continuing. "I know I said that he was like a drug for you. And at the time I meant, well...I meant that as a bad thing. But now....having Lori in my life....Bella! I can't tell you what it means, but I think you understand. I didn't. I thought I understood how Sam felt about Emily and all the pain that had caused. I thought I knew how the others felt, too. But...now I know. What you have with Edward...it's what I have now, too." His words were so simple but they were like a gift...a blessing. My friend now had the kind of love that I wasn't able to give him and he understood just how powerful that love is. Life was truly amazing.

Up ahead we saw the others waiting. It had been generations since any of the Cullens had been close to this beach and so it had been decided that the new treaty would come into effect here. It seemed fitting.

Edward was standing with Carlisle and a very excited Lori who was apparently still grilling my father-in-law about all that it meant to be who we are. The bemused look on Carlisle's face made it clear that he was finding it very strange, but not in a bad way, to be talking with an outsider like this. Really, though...she wasn't that much of an 'outsider' any more.

The moment she saw Jacob I witnessed again what had made this whole insanity so completely worth it. Her smile lit up the beach, and his set it on fire. I loved how protective he was with her...but as I watched, I also saw her attitude towards him. Oddly enough, it was also protective. She was a strange one, alright. But I liked her. Earlier that day I had had a chance to finally talk with her alone. It was hard to get a moment what with Jacob and her wanting to be with each other every spare second and Lori also wanting to interview Carlisle as though he was about to win the Nobel Prize or something. Fortunately she also wanted to talk with me...and about more than I had expected.

"It's so strange to actually know you now," she had admitted to me. I had to agree. Our brief meeting at the Cullen's house before racing off to Italy had been such a whirlwind event. I thought about all the time I had brooded over her situation...what was going to happened to her...feeling so sorry for her. I had told her about that, too. She had, of course, found that very funny.

"I have a hard time imagining you guys worrying about me. Not that I mind! I'm...surprised that I even came into your thoughts what with all you were apparently dealing with. Oh...but then you all have a lot more...room...to think about things, don't you?" She looked at me, at times, as though I was a science experiment, but I tried not to take it too personally. She had certainly compiled a lot of information about us in the past week or so.

"You're right about that. Sometimes I miss my old brain. Being able to obsess about everything and anything constantly...it's not very restful, let me assure you." I told her ruefully. She smiled and nodded, obviously trying to imagine what it must be like to be like me and failing.

"But I also find it...odd...because you're...you." This time she looked a bit embarrassed. Oh, I thought. Now I see.

"You mean about my...friendship with Jacob?" I asked quietly. She nodded. I quickly thought about how to proceed without hurting anyone's feelings or stepping on any toes.

"How do you feel about him, Lori?" I asked. Her eyes widened for a moment as she wasn't expecting that question. Looking away for a second, she paused. Smiling, she looked me in the eye.

"I've been alone for a long time, Bella. My father died a few years ago and my grandfather passed away recently. They were all I had and I tried to live my life in a way that I thought would please them...bring honor to my father's memory and live up to my granddad's expectations. But when my granddad died...," she paused again and shook her head. "When I lost him, I seemed to lose my way. I didn't know what I wanted to be anymore...who I wanted...needed to be. I was out there in the Arizona wilderness searching for purpose. Searching for a new path. When I saw you and Edward....it was as though my path had suddenly been revealed to me!" She shook her head again and her eyes took on a far away expression.

"I came here...to the Rez...and I was so...confused and scared...but I knew that I had found something. I just didn't know what. Would it all be just an amazing mystery that had fallen in my lap? Would I only get to enjoy the...craziness of it all, and then have to walk away? And where would I go to after that? The longer I stayed here, the more I...well, the more I just didn't want to leave. I know that sounds insane!" She grinned at me but I shook my head. I knew what she meant. I had experienced the same thing in different ways. When I'd visited the Reservation after Edward had left and when I had been determined to hang out with Jacob last year...this place had been a refuge for me. But I had found my true home with the Cullens and I knew that that was the kind of home she was talking about.

"Your gun?" I had to ask. Edward had told me that he hadn't seen any thought of that gun in her mind even when he'd caught her outside the house. He admitted that my interference was most likely the cause but that still didn't satisfy me. I would have thought that she would have used it to escape as soon as she possibly could. Hearing how she felt about her experience on the reservation...that seemed to answer my question. Her next words confirmed it.

"I honestly never really thought about it. At least not when Edward caught me. I was too shocked to think about much of anything. Then, once I was on the Rez...my curiosity got the better of me. I knew, or so I thought, that I could always use it to get away if I wanted to," she laughed to herself at the thought. I could imagine her trying to use that tiny gun to force her way off the reservation! It was definitely laughable. "But, really," she continued, "the idea of using a weapon on Emily or any of the others...I couldn't even imagine that. Everyone was just so...so...," she paused smiling at me. I knew what she meant, though. Emily was such a truly kind soul and the guys could all be so much fun...so easy to be around. It would be hard to imagine harming any of them on purpose.

"But when I saw him lunge towards you...I didn't know what to do! Everything was so...intense...I just reacted!" I shook my head at her. She had already apologized more times than would ever be necessary for that startling but useless act. Lori had told me a lot about her feelings and thoughts...but not about the one person we were most concerned about.

"So...Jacob?" I prompted. She smiled.

"I had been here a few days when I heard about Jacob...and you." My eyes widened at this. I didn't think they would have spoken very kindly about me. She smiled again.

"You're right. It wasn't all good. But Seth was a friend to you and your family...you should know that if you don't already. He was always ready with a defense...even though he couldn't always say what he wanted to. There were times, too, that Emily would say things...about last year...and about how worried they all were about Jacob; wishing that he would come home." Knowing that it was my actions that had lead to his leaving made hearing this a bit painful but it was the truth. It was what had happened.

"I saw pictures of him, too," she said, surprising me.

"Really? What did you think?" She smiled ruefully and shrugged a little.

"I don't know...I guess I thought he looked nice. Several of the pictures were from...well..I guess from before, if you know what I mean?" I nodded. I could see Jacob in my mind's eye. Jacob as he was before he changed...before he had inherited his birthright. Tall and lanky. Long dark hair and a glowing smile. So young and happy...carefree. My Jacob...but not 'mine' anymore, I thought with a smile.

"I know," I said.

"He seemed so young and easy-going. It was hard to imagine him so upset that he would leave all his friends and his father all because...," she glanced at me sheepishly.

"Because of me, you mean?"

"Well...that thought did occur to me. But my curiosity was still in full force, so I couldn't judge you too harshly." She grinned at me as she said this. I thought it was time to get to the point.

"He seems so much happier now, Lori." She looked away for a moment before smiling back at me.

"I'm happy, too." She paused and shook her head. "I can't explain it, Bella. I've liked different guys in the past. I've dated...I was even slightly serious about one guy...for a while. But this! I've never felt this way before. He's...he's everything I never thought I could possibly have. I never...," she paused again. "I never thought I could be loved the way he loves me. It's almost scary! He just seems to be...I mean, I know he's not perfect or anything. Of course he's not! No one is. But with me...he's just...right." Her voice shook with emotion and I knew that there would be tears in my eyes if it were still possible. She was describing how I felt about Edward. Now Jacob finally had that, too.

The beach was wet and cloud-covered...but fairly crowded that afternoon when Jacob and I joined the others. Every member of the Pack and the true tribal counsel. Family of the Pack members were also present. Billy Black waved at me and I walked over. It seemed so strange to remember him trying to warn me away from the Cullens all that time ago. There were moments when I still saw a wary look on his face that told me that he'd never be completely comfortable around us...but at least he'd stopped telling Charlie that the Cullens were trouble and not to be trusted. I only wished that things could be different and my father could be standing here with the rest of my family. But he didn't even know I was in town, and it was going to stay that way.

Sam had walked over to Carlisle and they both signaled for our attention. What had happened next had also been a major topic for conversation during our roadtrip home.

Who would have thought that the Cullens and the Quileutes could have ever reached this point? Sam and Carlisle had stood in the center of us all and stated what was to be the new treaty from now on. Sam, being the true chief of his people, had begun.

"Many ages ago our people warred with the Cold Ones. Our forefathers knew the dangers that their kind represented and sought to protect our tribe and all those living nearby from harm. A day came, though, when a new tribe of the Cold Ones came to our land. They were of the same kind...but not the same soul. They caused no harm to others and sought only to live in peace with both pale face and Quileute alike. Even though our fathers still feared them, a treaty was born to honor the solemn word of peace from this new tribe but also to protect our people in case they sought to deceive us. Time passed and the word of these new Cold Ones proved honorable. They did no harm to others. In fact, one was a healer and did great good in the community of the white people and, more recently, within our own circle. They have proven themselves worthy friends and allies against the true Cold Ones who would never seek peace with us and will always seek to feed upon the trusting humans of this world. We are honored to call them friends and seek a new balance with them...and new treaty."

We all stood in reverent silence as we listened to these powerful words. Words that I would never forget. Then it was Carlisle's turn.

"Many years ago my family came here seeking a new home in a land that was full of promise and beauty. We met your people, your fathers, and the treaty that has been in place all these years came into being. We have honored that treaty and have never wavered in our admiration and respect for your people. You came to our aid in a time a great need against a terrible foe and for this we will be eternally grateful. We, too, seek a new balance. Your friendship is too important to us to remain separate forever." There was much murmuring at this. Sam stepped forward again.

"In the spirit of this new friendship and understanding, we propose the following. That from this day forward all members of the the Cullen tribe and any that might join them will be considered friends. To be clear: all of the Yellow-eyed are now welcome on our land. We vow to protect your secret and fight alongside you when needed." Carlisle spoke again.

"And we, for our part, vow to fight alongside your people from this day forward for as long as we or any member of this family exist. We will protect your secret and your people from those of our kind who might seek to harm you. This we swear for all time." As I stood there in awe, Sam added the following clause.

"We create this treaty and agree to abide by it, to honor it for all time or until such time as all of your tribe cease to exist. However, this treaty will be dissolved if any Yellow-eyed is ever proven to our certain knowledge to have fed on a human from this point forward."

"It is agreed," Carlisle had responded. I thought of Jasper and Emmett and hoped that they would never again fall off the wagon as they had apparently done in the not so distant past. Edward had looked down at me from where he had come to stand and smiled.

"This is amazing, Bella! Can you believe it?" He had whispered. I leaned into him and shook my head. The Cullens had lived with that old restrictive treaty for so long. They had tried their best to abide by its boundaries and Carlisle had personally done everything he could to quietly overcome the understandable prejudice that had created the need for that treaty. To be able to finally see the end of it and the beginning of a new and more powerful relationship...that must seem like a dream come true for my new family. Jacob was standing with Lori; her back to him and his arms around her. He was grinning like an idiot and the look on her face had showed that she was aware of being witness to history being made. Not all of the wolves looked as pleased with the new arrangement as Sam, Jacob and Seth obviously were...but I knew that they would follow it. It was a new beginning full of hope and promise.

oooooo

Edward's hand on mine brought me back to the moment. We were in Arizona now. It was a bright night and the sky was full of stars.

"Aro contacted Carlisle last night, did you know?" I shook my head dreamily, just happy to be here, in this moment, alone with my husband.

"He confirmed what we already knew. That he had, of course, seen the wolves in Alice's mind last year and had chosen to say nothing. I was surprised that Carlisle didn't bring the subject up while we were in Volterra...but I think he wanted to keep things as calm as possible. Caius may be basking in the glow of having his friend back, but he is still the most volatile of the three. Aro must have felt the same."

"What did Aro say about them?" He smiled ironically.

"He's is a strange one, I have to admit. I never heard a peep from his thoughts on the subject so he was doing his best to not have it brought up while we were all there. Apparently, after we left he spoke first with Marcus and then, carefully, with Caius. Their decision is that the wolves are under the supervision of their fellow Volturi, Carlisle. They've dumped the problem in his lap." This new arrangement between Carlisle, and the others was hard to grasp at times.

"So...does that change anything with the treaty?" Just when everything was going so perfect, too.

"No! That's the thing. They've left it up to him. He informed Aro of the treaty but from what Carlisle told me, he put it in such a way that even Caius will think he's got the Pack right where they want them. Carlisle told me that the others have agreed to allow the wolves to exist while having knowledge of us so long as Carlisle takes responsibility for anything that might happen...such as any situation arising where the Pack can no longer be trusted."

"Well, that's not going to happen!" I stated firmly. How could anyone even think that the wolves, our new friends, would go against a treaty that only benefited them? Edward raised my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers softly. I saw his smile and returned it ruefully.

"No, love. That's not even an issue. But it will satisfy Caius and the others and it will keep them away from the tribe. In the long run, this will actually be a further protection for the Quileutes. As long as Carlisle is viewed as an active member of the Volturi, with all the power that entails, no other vampire will dare to encroach on the entire Washington area for the foreseeable future. It is now officially the Cullen-Volturi territory." He shook his head at the irony of this and we both ended up laughing at the thought of the Cullens ruling anything.

As we drove through the night, we talked about our plans for this summer and later on. I was looking forward to an uneventful second honeymoon spent in blissful peace with only the two of us in our lovely home. Just thinking about spending uninterrupted months with my wonderful Edward had me impatient to reach the end of our journey. It was only mid-May and we had until September to bask in the heat of a glorious Arizona summer. And then...it was off to Dartmouth, finally. Charlie and Renee already thought we'd spent a year there. I felt a little guilty leading them on like that but I planned to make it up to them at the holidays. We had already decided to spend our next few school breaks with them...depending on the weather, of course. I really wanted to have as much time with them as possible, for as long as possible. I knew that within a few years we would have to make some decisions about things that I didn't really want to think about right now. For one thing, I wouldn't be aging...but my parents would. How long could we hide that very obvious fact? I shook my head at those thoughts. We still had plenty of time. I was determined to concentrate on the positive and not any gloomy issues that would have to be dealt with soon enough.

The stars were still out when we finally arrived; a certain sense of déjà vu mingling with the familiar scent of creosote in the air. Edward and I sat in serene silence for several seconds just looking at our home and the dark hills and sky. We were back. After all that had happened...we had made it back to this place where we had begun our life together. Edward turned to me and grinned. It was a special smile that I hadn't seen in quite some time. No matter how precious every moment we spent together would always be...nothing seemed to compare with how we'd both felt when we first arrived at this place. So much had happened over the last several months...the last year; so much tension, and worry, and sorrow. Looking up into the face of the man I loved more than anything in this universe...I finally saw all that tension dissolving away. Here was the man who had surprised me with the most perfect wedding present.

After a while we both got out and slowly took our things inside. Then he turned to me and took me in his arms. His lips caressed mine gently, softly, and I looked up into his eyes and saw such tenderness, such passion. I knew at that moment that no matter how long we lived on this earth, I would never be able to take his love for granted. My heaven would always be in his eyes and in his arms.

Without a word we walked back outside and around the pool that lay in shadow. The sound of the spring that fed it gurgled softly in the dim light of approaching dawn. Hand in hand, we strolled slowly up the incline to the top of our little mountain and turned to face the brightening sky. The stars winked out one by one as the black sky faded to grey and then a dusty blue. A band of golden light swiftly spread across the horizon and Edward pulled me down to sit against an old boulder and watch daybreak. The feel of Edward's strong fingers on my neck, soothing their way up into my hair, mesmerized me and I turned to kiss his lips so close to mine. Shivers raced through me as his hands continued their exploration, tracing down my shoulder and delicately across my wrists, causing me to catch my unneeded breath and stare up at him passionately. We had all the time in the world just for this...to be together with no more worries haunting us, no more issues hanging over our heads. My unbeating heart felt as though it would explode from all the love and adoration flowing through me.

As the sun slowly rose, spreading its fire over the hills and valleys before us, Edward gathered me even closer in his arms. His breath tickled my ear and sent a sharp thrill of anticipation coursing through me as he softly whispered the words I knew I would take with me into eternity...words so true, so beautiful, that I could have wept.

"Look, Bella!" he said, pointing at the pooling sunlight flowing over the horizon. "There's our beginning. No more twilights for us...just this, just us...forever!"

~.~ The End ~.~

EPILOGUE--FULL CIRCLE

I don't know why I was so nervous. You'd think multiple degrees and a ton of time would have given we some confidence but this was a different matter altogether. I sighed. Dartmouth seemed so far away, now.

Studying biology, microbiology, and then astrobiology of all things...that had been a truly unforeseen adventure in this new, crazy, and highly unexplainable life of mine. But doing research into the origins of life now had a certain appeal beyond tame curiosity. I felt in my bones that one day someone would be able to scientifically explain...US. And there was no reason why that someone shouldn't be me, right?

Edward found the whole idea amusing...but also fascinating. After a few years of watching me race to catch up with his already overwhelming knowledge in the field, he had jumped in to assist me. I don't know when or if we will ever make our great discovery...or what on earth we would do with it once we did...but it made for an engrossing mutual hobby.

Traveling the globe was another pastime we both loved. I had seen more of this planet and the peoples and cultures inhabiting it than I could have ever dreamed! The Travel Channel had nothing on us. Just thinking about all the sights and sounds and places that Edward and I had roamed through, hiked over, driven past...it was intoxicating.

I paused in my musing to deal with a minor issue...a paper had to be checked, a book handed out, and a seat found. It was easy to split off from what was going on around me, no matter how surreal it all seemed, and think about all that had passed to bring me to this place. Oh the joys of possessing a vampire brain! There were definitely some good points.

We had moved back to the Washington area after a very long hiatus. Of course, even after fifty years, we had to be careful about where we settled. Forks wouldn't be an option for at least a decade. And that town now held some measure of sorrow for me what with my dad passing away eight years ago. Renee had died two years before that. I still felt waves of sadness whenever I really thought about their absence, but I had done my best to have the closest relationship possible with them while I was still able. During the first twenty years we had visited them personally as often as possible. On top of that, web technology had helped a lot...as did bad lighting and makeup. When it started to become a little too obvious that time was not catching up with me or Edward, we knew that choices would have to be made. Of all the different scenarios Edward and I had debated, it had finally been Rosalie and Lori who'd hit on the best solution. For the last twenty years of my parent's lives they had been convinced that we were deeply involved in various diplomatic endeavors that prevented our coming home for face to face visits. It hadn't been easy to convince them that we weren't just avoiding them...or that I didn't want to see them. I was comforted that as far as I had been able, my parents had known that I loved them. They may have regretted and even resented my absence...but it could have been much worse. We had earlier thought to have them believe we had died in some accident. That seemed fairly straightforward. But I really felt that we had handled it in the most loving way possible.

With a sigh I shifted my thoughts elsewhere. So many things had happened in the years since I'd begun my new life. I had to smile to myself, though, as I thought how little had really changed in the world. New styles...maybe. New music...it never changed that much, when all was said and done. New cars? I had to admire the ones I had finally started collecting. Edward still found it amusing that I was as interested in cars as they were. Rosalie and I had finally bonded under the hood of a vintage Porsche. My thoughts were interrupted yet again.

"Hi! You're new, right? Isabella? My name's Amanda." The girl was smiling at me with an odd mixture of timidity and determination. I nodded, looking around for a moment before refocusing on the girl.

"That's right, but you can call me Bella. Bella Platt. Nice to meet you." I smiled. This girl was braver than most I'd encountered today. I remembered how I and others had reacted to the sight of the Cullens all those years ago. And then there was college. People just naturally seemed to steer clear of us. I knew it, accepted it...but it was still always a bit annoying, especially when I knew how little danger I posed to anyone. I had never gotten 'used' to human blood, thank God! And I hoped I never would.

But this girl had guts! She was curious and her curiosity seemed to be overriding any latent, buried fears her subconscious was surely kicking up.

"Nice meeting you, too. We seem to have a pretty similar schedule. What do you think of it, so far?" I could tell that she was honestly trying to welcome me and make me feel at home. How sweet, I thought. We chatted for a few more moments about schedules and where I was from before she asked about my family. She had evidently already seen a few of them in passing.

"That's right. She is my sister...well, foster-sister."

"Really? Wow. Are they all...?" I knew what she was trying to ask so I nodded.

"More or less." She shook her head, her eyes wide.

"Wow," she repeated. "I can't even imagine what that must be like. So your parents are...?" Oh she was good! I could completely see that curiosity was getting the better of her but she wasn't being weird about it...there was no feeling of maliciousness...although Edward could do a much better job with that assessment than me.

"Well, my dad is dead," that was the truth and the grief of it I was sure showed in my eyes. "But I still have my mom, Esme. She remarried and since she and my step-dad love kids...well...you know the rest." I was still getting used to claiming Esme as my biological 'mom'. I liked it though, and I knew it made her just as happy. Amanda seemed stunned at the idea of a family as large as ours.

"Your parents...they must be pretty amazing to have adopted so many kids like that. " She shook her head in awe. I nodded.

"They are! But that was a while back," I said with a shrug. It was nice getting our cover story out there but I really needed to be moving along. I looked around again and smiled. There he was, walking down the hall towards me. He grinned when he saw me, making me catch my breath...as I knew he always would. When he reached us, I turned to introduce him.

"This is Edward, Amanda." She looked up and took a step back. It wasn't in fear, though...just Edward's amazing ability to dazzle, alive and kicking.

"Nice to meet you, Amanda," his voice having a dazzling effect all its own. Amanda smiled and looked at the two of us with a question mark on her face that was extremely easy to read.

"Edward is fairly new to my family," I loved this part! Finally I got to play the long-timer and he had to endure the 'outsider' label. I grinned up at him. His eyes narrowed fractionally and I knew he was thinking up ways to get me for that later. I suppressed a giggle while he spoke to Amanda.

"Yes...that's me. The 'newbie'. My parents passed away a few years ago and I came to live with my Uncle Carlisle. But I've known Bella here for several years." His hand reached up and deliberately brushed a strand of my hair back behind my ear. I stared up at him and grinned. He was determined that no one have any doubts about our relationship from moment one. Men! Amanda was, of course, drinking this all in with a slightly knowing smile and a quick nod.

"I can see that! Well.. I guess you two are heading inside? I know I'm hungry," she grinned back at me and I had a feeling that this would not be the last I heard from little miss Amanda. Edward's arm tightened around my shoulders and I looked up into his smiling eyes.

"She seems nice...curious, but nice." He nodded absently, dropping his arm to play with that errant strand of hair once more.

"She is...and not an ounce of bile in her...a very restful mind, all things considered." He glanced inside to where Amanda had found a seat and was talking with some others. My mental glitch had long ago been conquered and Edward was now much more attuned to any mild static I might be throwing off. I could still wreak havoc with his mental ears once in a while, but nothing like those first few years.

"So," I asked playfully. "How was your morning?" He smirked.

"Same old, same old. I've been down this road a few times before, Bella. Remember?" I smiled. That was one memory I wasn't likely to ever forget.

"Well...it is definitely not 'same old, same old' for me, dear heart!" He chuckled and pulled me out of the way of others entering the room around us.

"True. So...how was your morning, love?" He asked, a smile on his lips and in his voice. I considered how to answer for a moment.

"Surreal." He laughed.

"I thought you might feel that way. But surreal has its advantages...it's something different, something new in its own unique way, right?" I nodded. He knew me so well. We stood looking inside for a few more seconds before the others finally arrived.

"Well...what are you guys waiting for?" Emmett asked as he strode past us with Rosalie shaking her head at him. Alice paused for a moment beside us, while Jasper glided on inside and got in line.

"The first day is always interesting to me, too, Bella," she whispered with a smile and then raced to catch up with Jasper and join the other two.

"It's just us, love," Edward whispered. It was all too strange...so much time had passed and yet it all suddenly felt like yesterday. There they all were, talking, 'eating', teasing each other. And here I was...about to join them...an action that would never have occurred to me all those years ago. Edward tugged on my hand and I looked up into his smiling face.

"You ready?" He asked. I nodded. As ready as I'll ever be, I thought as, taking a firm grip on his hand, we walked calmly into the high school cafeteria and into another new life with the Cullens.

finis

~.~