Gorgeous Roses
Kohane-chan
"Because life isn't fair the way we want it to be. It doesn't need a reason to mock us,
it just does and there's nothing you could do but go with the flow."
- - -
"Infatuation is fleeting desire ---
One set of glands calling to another."
- - -
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS nor the song I took the lyrics (the italicized text except for the italicized quote above from.
Its funny isn't it, that at least once in our lives we experience déjà vu, a feeling that this moment has happened before.
Ironically enough, sometimes, you'll later realize that this moment has happened before. Then, probably find it so funny, you'll get light headed and think of the situations where time could repeat itself and you'll know exactly what to do.
Like when you're walking down a hallway with a juice box in hand, you'll trip and spill it all over your best friend, landing yourself in a bit of a trouble spot.
And ironically, things will go different later on and you'll soon realize that life's mocking you, if you haven't yet.
Because maybe some time later on, you'll see yourself walking that same place again, almost trip but heroically gain back your balance and get back on your feet, only to have your drink slip from your grasp, down to your feet and splash you instead.
That's basically why no one says life is fair.
- -
"(I) was afraid of darkness 'cause I felt that I was left alone,
so I prayed for help to (the) distant million stars."
- -
And it's not.
"Is it love or just infatuation?" I asked skeptically. I seem to have found myself wondering about that. How exactly do you differentiate a crush, puppy love, infatuation and love? Who the hell decided to name those terms anyway?
Is it my fault I'm an undecided teen? Maybe it is. But still...
I love him. At least, I felt something strongly for him. But the rest of the world can't acknowledge that because they think it doesn't matter.
"Why do you love him? And look back, why did you love Eriol back then as well?" asked Tomoyo. Trust her to ask the obvious question. Trust her to ask the obvious question that obviously is hardest to answer. What are friends for huh? Who made that up too? That person should be sued.
But even if that person were to be sued, (assuming the said person still lives.) I still wouldn't be able to answer Tomoyo's question. So I said the most sensible thing a person like me would do in a situation as such. Stall.
"It's so cold eh Tomoyo?" I grinned as I randomly kicked off the snowflakes caught on my shoe.
A raised eyebrow.
Can't she get the hint? Fine then…
"Well, he's... he's… Syaoran is…ok then. Eriol was…he was of course," okay, so I didn't know. I never did. Who needed reasons? I did and isn't that what matters? Tomoyo should understand that, right?
But I guess she does have a point. I was just a bit close to Eriol, I knew about how his mother's in another country and that his older brother and sister were… weren't exactly close to his age. But…I always felt and knew that I never knew enough. Like those didn't actually mean anything about him. I didn't know much about him. Is it possible to fall in love with a stranger? No matter how many times it seemingly happens. (Keyword: seemingly)
It's déjà vu. But I'm better than that. I'm not naïve enough to believe that there's a way to everything because there are just some things that aren't supposed to happen. Things are always different no matter how similar they appear to be.
- -
"Round and round, the planets revolve 'round the sun
And we always seek after love and peace forever more.
Growing up, woe, baby, we can work it out.
Look up at the sky, every heart is shining today."
- -
Deep inside, everyone knows that there are a lot of things they have to know, there are a lot of things they can't control but they still want to think things will go that way too.
- -
"Round and round, the planets revolve 'round the sun
And we always seek after love and peace forever more.
Growing up, woe, baby, we can work it out.
Look up at the sky, every heart is shining today."
- -
It's not wrong to be optimistic. It's just that I think people should learn not to float too far from the ground.
"…I don't know why I love him. I know I could think of a thousand reasons but I know that none of them would be right because I don't know him,"
"Love doesn't need a reason, Sakura," Tomoyo smiled.
"So… you mean… what do you mean?"
"I don't know."
- -
"Goes and goes, the time goes on, we are not alone.
We live on together and we will find some precious things.
Sometimes, we will smile. Sometimes, we will cry, somehow.
Don't forget believing yourself --- tomorrow will never die."
- -
"But it's still kind of wrong of me to think this way since Syaoran is… Syaoran's what he is, huh?"
"Well, they do say to love your teacher is taboo."
"Right…still, do you have to make it sound so…so…wrong or immature of me to think it so?"
"I'm here to pull you back from the sky Sakura."
"You couldn't since I couldn't even fly."
"But those student-teacher things happen, right?" I asked hopefully. It was my only hope at the moment to prolong myself from self-pity and embarrassment that I fell in love with a teacher. Knowing that I couldn't have the same somewhat (more) satisfactory ending (than mine would be) as my parents.
"Sakura, things are different. Don't get your hopes up because your mother was in the same situation as you. It's harsh but…"
"I know. But of all the people, did it have to be him?" I sighed.
- -
"(I) was afraid of darkness 'cause I felt that I was left alone,
so I prayed for help to (the) distant million stars."
- -
"Why did I choose to fall in love with Syaoran Li? Why did it have to be Li-sensei?"
"You don't choose who you fall in love with Sakura, don't blame yourself. These things happen." Tomoyo comforted me.
She was always there even if most of the time she was a bit sarcastic, but she was doing some good role-play of the comic relief.
Either that or she was or she was just mean.
I vote for latter now that I think about it.
Randomly observing the neighborhood and coming across a rose. A white rose.
Taking the gorgeous rose, admiring its features, wishing to have that rose to keep, to have it maintain its current beauty forever.
- -
"Round and round, the planets revolve 'round the sun
And we always seek after love and peace forever more.
Growing up, woe, baby, we can work it out.
Look up at the sky, every heart is shining today."
- -
Something so beautiful would naturally pique interest, draw desire to never let it go.
When it loses its beauty and it's revealed that it's adorned in thorns, it's forcefully tried to be forgotten.
And when later examining closely, the realization that the thorns have left little remembrances to keep in memory of what your unthinkingly gripped based on whim without considering if it will later on affect you in any way.
Like acting on a not too thought out decision, like charging into love without considering first if you're actually ready to be hurt.
"Let's go back Sakura, it's been too long that we've been in the snow," Tomoyo reasoned, as if sounding from afar in my ears.
I nodded towards her and followed, barely taking note of the snow accumulated all over my uniform as Tomoyo brushed her own uniform.
I walked a little behind her, vaguely drifting between Tomoyo's footprints in the snow before me to my upcoming homeroom class with Li-sensei.
With those thoughts in mind, I knew that the classroom would barely offer me warmth and comfort than out in the courtyard with snow pouring down my head and slightly blotching my school uniform wet.
"Life isn't fair Tomoyo."
"I know Sakura, I know."
- -
"Goes and goes, the time goes on, we are not alone.
We live on together and we will find some precious things.
Sometimes, we will smile. Sometimes, we will cry, somehow.
Don't forget believing yourself --- tomorrow will never die."
- -
END of part 1 out of 3.