Hi everyone! Please read! This is my version of the Bane Chronicles! I haven't actually read the real ones! So... Yeah. The sentences in Bold are actual quotes from the book!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters! Or the stuff in Bold that honor goes to Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan.
Enjoy!
What really happened in Peru
Time was like the rain, glittering as it fell, changing the world, but something that could also be taken for granted. Until you love a mortal. Then time became gold in a miser's hands, every bright year counted out carefully, infinitely precious, and each one slipping through your fingers.
Mortals were so delicate, sometimes I feared they would just wither away under my touch, for they died so easily. I needed a distraction, something to get my mind off of Mortals, a vacation perhaps.
Magnus sat down on his couch, when an envelope appeared in the air and floated to the ground. He picked it up and read it. It was Caterina Loss needing his assistants, she was in Peru.
"Ah, excellent! Off to Peru then. Ragnor! Oh, Ragnor!"
Ragnor stuck his green face around the corner, his hair was messy but you could see the two horns on his forehead and his eyes had no iris. Magnus didn't know why certain warlocks got certain marks. If Ragnor went out in public people would run in the other direction, but Magnus could hide the fact that he had no navel and most people dismissed his eyes as contacts.
"What?" Ragnor said none to kindly.
"We're going to Peru!" Magnus laughed. He'd learned his lesson a long time ago: Even in the midst of heartbreak, you could still find yourself laughing.
"Why? We just got here."
"Well we are in need of a vacation... And Caterina just sent a letter." Magnus waved the letter in the air. "She needs our assistance right away. So pack your things were going to Peru!"
Magnus and Ragnor had finally packed their suitcases. They were standing at an percular looking door, it was bright orange with signs all around its frame.
Ragnor knocked, nothing happened. So Magnus decided he would knock, but he didn't stop until finally it opened. And Caterina stood behind the door, with her blue skin and snow white hair.
"The letter I received said you had need of my particular talents, but I must confess that I have so many talents that I am not sure which one you require." Magnus said, Ragnor rolled his eyes and Caterina smiled.
"It is nice to see you to, Magnus. And Ragnor what a lovely surprise. I call for one and two come." Caterina opened the door wider, "Please, come in."
"What are you doing here, Caterina?" Ragnor asked.
She turned to look at him, "In Peru? Well I've started a tiny business fortune tellings, tea readings and people bring their sick here, I like to help the unwell. One day I want to work in a mundane hospital."
"Well I'm glad one if us is doing something productive with our Immortality." Ragnor looked at Magnus, but he was not listening but touching a crystal ball.
Suddenly Magnus stood up, nearly knocking the crystal ball. "Picture this," said Magnus. "Me with a little monkey friend. I could teach him tricks. I could dress him in a cunning jacket. He could look just like me! But more monkey-shaped." He creased is brows together.
"Can we go to a Monkey Jungle?" Magnus asked innocently.
Caterina smiled, "There is one not far from here, we could go tomorrow, I have a client coming soon."
**Hours later**
"I'll have to put a glamor on you Ragnor, I don't want to frighten my customers. Magnus? Could you please glamour Ragnor? I have to glamor myself. I think you'll be fine though." Caterina walked off.
Magnus walked towards Ragnor with a mischievous grin on his face. Ragnor saw it and said, "If you turn me into a female or do anything weird, I will find you," Ragnor told him. "I will find whatever chest of absurd clothes you have. And I will bring a llama into the place where you sleep and make sure that it urinates on everything you possess."
Magnus was shocked, "Not my clothes!"
Magnus and Ragnor started arguing about llamas, clothes, glamors and urination.
Caterina was in the front with a client and heard the racket, "Don't fight in front of the client, boys." Catarina implored in her sweet voice," or I will knock your heads together so hard, your skulls will crack like eggs"
They both stopped.
A day had past before they finally got to the 'Monkey Jungle' as Magnus called it. Caterina and Ragnor were talking while Magnus tried looking for all the monkeys, he was very keen to make one his pet.
"Wait here you yappers, your making to much noise. How am I suppose to catch Bananas if your being loud?"
"Bananas? Why would you want to 'catch' bananas? When you can simply be normal and get them from and shop?" Ragnor asked.
Magnus wanted to slap him, "Bananas, is what I called my pet Monkey!"
"Now who's being loud?" Caterina smirked, "Go catch Bananas then. We'll wait here"
Magnus scowled and walked off. He'd been calling for Bananas for awhile and nothing happened. So he sat down on a rock and rested.
Suddenly something jumped on his back and started pulling his hair, he stood up and suddenly there were hundreds, there were monkeys everywhere! And none of them looked friendly.
"Naughty Bananas!"
They all jumped on him at once, Magnus quickly thought up a spell to rid himself of the monkeys. He said the carnation and when he opened his eyes they were gone.
Magnus walked back to Caterina and Ragnor, always looking over his shoulder. He finally found his way back, Caterina only smiled.
"Where is Bananas?" She tried to look behind Magnus. "Were you not successful in retrieving him? Or did he go to pack his things and told you to pick him up later? Did he have family?"
"Pardon me, but we did not have the time to exchange that kind of personal information," Magnus said. "I could not have known! Moreover, I wish to assure both of you that I did not make any amorous advances on female monkeys." he paused and winked. "I didn't actually see any, so I never got the chance."
Caterina rolled her eyes and started the journey home. Ragnor though looked confused, Magnus put an arm around him an pulled him forward toward Caterina.
"Perhaps we should get a drink? I think we could all do with one. Caterina! To the closets bar!" Said Magnus gleefully.
"Haven't you had enough for one day?"
Caterina turned around, "Ragnor is right. You look like you were eaten be an elephant an then spat out. We should go home."
"Just a minute!" Magnus vanished.
Caterina threw her hands in the air, "Now where is he going now?"
Magnus appeared ahead of them with clean clothes. "I am ready! Lets go, Caterina lead the way!"
/Ragnor looked very regretful about all the choices that had led him to his being in this place and especially in this company.
They had arrived at the bar and Magnus was already drunk, they say at a table and Magnus kept ordering alcohol, his pocket seemed to be an endless pit filled with money.
Suddenly Magnus said, in a drunken voice, "I rather wonder what I am doing here. I enjoy city life, you know. The glittering lights, the constant companionship, the liquid entertainment. The lack of sudden monkeys."
"Ah, so the monkeys did attack you?" Quipped Ragnor, "I wish I was there to see it."
"Yes! Yes they did, satan little creatures. Oh well. Ooo... I'm going to order something for you guys. Ill be back!"
"Maybe we should go?" Caterina inquired to Ragnor.
"You'll never get him to leave if e doesn't wan to leave. If you do he'll turn you into a pumpkin. An that's not a very nice feeling." Ragnor stirred his drink in boredom.
Magnus arrived back smiling, "You'll love what I have ordered for you! It'll be delicious."
"Magnus," Caterina said in a calm voice, "Should we not be heading home? It is getting late, and I think you've had enough adventure for a lifetime."
"I can't get enough adventure," Magnus said lightly. "And adventure cannot get enough of me." he took another sip of his drink.
"Woo.. That's enough."
"Fine! But not after you eat your meal!"
Magnus woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, that's one thing being a Warlock didn't help, no spell to get rid of hangovers.
Caterina walked in at precisely that moment, "How are you feeling?"
Magnus squinted, "Like I've been hit by a heard of stampeding elephants. What happened last night? I wasn't that drunk."
"Magnus, you were trying to flirt with your own plate."
"I'm a very open-minded sort of fellow!"
"Ragnor is not," Catarina said. "When he found out that you were feeding us guinea pigs, he hit you over the head with your plate. It broke."
"So ended our love," Magnus said. "Ah, well. It would have never worked between me and the plate anyway."
"Anyway after that we walked home and when we got to the desert you ran in it, You told us to leave you in the desert, because you planned to start a new life as cactus," Catarina said, her voice flat. "Then you conjured up tiny needles and threw them at us. With pinpoint accuracy."
"I don't remember any of that." Magnus tapped his head, "I remember Ragnor telling me that he did not like boats because they made him seasick, and then I preceded to joke about his green skin. It was all quite funny." Magnus looked up at Caterina.
"Yes well, Ragnor isn't pleased with you."
"Where is he?" Magnus questioned.
"He has gone walking through town."
"I will make it up to him! Ill go and find him right now." Magnus got up, "Well tohdaloo."
Magnus walked threw town and could not find Ragnor, so he stopped and looked at some of the street shops. One was filled with different instruments, Magnus couldn't help himself, he bought one.
Magnus portaled himself a little up a mountain and started playing the instrument. He had been playing it for ten minutes when he heard footsteps, Magnus turned his head. And Ragnor came around the corner.
"Ragnor! There you are, I was looking for you. Do you like my instrument?" Magnus held it up, "Isn't it lovely music?" And he played the instrument for Ragnor.
"I wouldn't call that an instrument of music," Ragnor observed sourly. "An instrument of torture, perhaps."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Magnus played some more.
Suddenly it sounded like a stampede was coming down the mountain. Ragnor and Magnus quickly jumped up on a high rock and peered down.
And a pack of llamas came rushing down. Magnus and Ragnor looked at each other and jumped off the rock.
"That was your fault, we nearly got killed by llamas!"
Magnus was sure that the llama stampede he witnessed was a coincidence. The llamas could not be judging him.
"Come on! Lets go home." Magnus said in a chirpy voice.
They had finally got home, after Magnus decided to play for dozens of streets, Ragnor had decided that his ears were about to fall off.
Then he had to play for Christina. After he finished Ragnor and Catarina both begged him to give the instrument up. Random strangers on the street begged him to give the instrument up. Even cats ran away from him.
When he had played on the street and asked what the stranger thought he yelled, "It is worse than you can possibly imagine! When you play, all of my mother's flowers lose the will to live and expire on the instant. The quinoa has no flavour now. The llamas are migrating because of your music, and llamas are not a migratory animal. The children now believe there is a sickly monster, half horse and half large mournful chicken, that lives in tha lake and calls out to the world to grant it the sweet release of death."
So Magnus tried dancing but apparently he was just as bad. So he put a glamor on himself and then every loved him, they clapped and sung and danced with him.
But then the glamor dropped. And you can probably guess what happened next, so Magnus went home.
But of course he got side tracked by a male, black hair and when he turned around he had purple eyes but in certain light they looked rich blue.
The man came with Magnus with great reluctance and after a street Magnus could tell they were being followed. So he portaled himself and the black haired man to Caterina's shop.
Magnus told everything that had happened in Peru while he was there to this man. "I think I dislike Peru, I mean it has its good qualities."
And suddenly the door slammed open, "Mr President!"
Magnus looked at the man across from him in horror. The man slowly stood up, "I'm in here." The President of Peru turned to Magnus, "I have heard you play your god awful thing you call music I have seen you dance horribly, I have seen you disgrace my beautiful country."
Magnus pointed at him, "You lied! You said you were an ordinary person, you said you sold shoes! Your the President?" Magnus lunged for him, but the bodyguards stopped him. Magnus had a list of favored traits in a partner-black hair, blue eyes, honest... So Magnus flicked his hand and The Presidents cloths came off. All of them.
The President looked mortified, the bodyguards shocked and Magnus satisfied.
"Magnus Bane, you are banned from Peru!" And the President left.
I hope you liked it! Please review!
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