A/N: So this is totally based on the movie "Yours, Mine, and Ours." I'd been thinking about doing a family AU, and the movie popped into my head. And here we are! It'll be different, of course, but that's where the idea came from. I'm trying to decide how many kids they should have. Obviously Jemma, Fitz, Grant, and Skye, but beyond that... I'm not sure. Maybe Trip too? Let me know what you think!

"You've gotta be kidding," May said.

"Which part of my tone makes you think this is a joke?" Fury asked with a raised brow.

"I told you I can't do long-term missions anymore," May said through clenched teeth. They'd been through this years ago. "I have a family."

"I'm well aware you adopted those kids, and I'm glad you did. But the only way we're gonna get these scumbags is with time."

"So you want me to leave them for weeks, maybe months, to get some arms dealers? I won't do that."

Fury sighed. "If you'd let me finish before you went off on me," he said sternly, "you'd know I want your children to go with you."

That stopped May short. "How?"

"You know the targets live in a neighborhood. They've got a little family of their own. Best way to get to them is to connect – which means a family in their neighborhood."

May studied him and dipped her head. "Sorry for jumping to conclusions."

Fury stood. "I know it's a lot to move a family, but tell them it's a team-building exercise you have to do. That's what Phil's doing with his kids."

May frowned. "Phil?"

"Did I forget to mention that part?" Fury smiled, and she wanted to throttle him because of how much he seemed to be enjoying himself. "Phil Coulson's your partner for most of your missions. You work well together, and we need that. For this assignment, he's going to pretend to be your husband."

May was tense, staring past him.

"Phil, come on in."

She heard footsteps behind her, and saw Phil in the corner of her eye. "Hey May," he said with that genuine smile he had.

"You knew about this?" she asked.

"Only for an hour," he said reasonably.

Fury grabbed something from the edge of his desk and walked up to them. "You should get used to wearing these." He held out two silver wedding bands, glistening between his fingertips. His smile was still infuriating as he looked between them.

Phil had the decency to seem a bit embarrassed, when he met May's eyes. May tried not to show how unhappy she was. It wasn't Phil's fault their families were about to be uprooted. That fault was with Fury.

"Oh, and one more thing," Fury said as May took her ring and Phil took his. May placed the ring on her finger and looked at him – expectantly, but sharply. His expression sobered.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."